Part III
"The thin layer of silence"
Thankfully, just like with everything else, Starry was a natural at flying. He was able to mimic my movements and master the basics extremely quickly. It got to the point where in a few months, he was able to go on flights with me and experience the outside world for the first time since the day that I found him. It made me feel great to know that I was able to give Starry at least a little bit of freedom. He also seemed a lot happier knowing that he did not have to be cooped up in my room every second of every day.
The three of us struggled through the awkward years, but before I knew it, Starry was eight years old. Since I had found him, I had not done anything special for the anniversary. However, this year I felt like I should at least do something to celebrate the day he came into my life.
So I decided to go all out: I decorated my room, bought Starry presents, and even went as far as to try to bake a cake— as you can imagine, that did not go very well on the first try— but even then, with a bit of help from Midnight and many cookbooks, I was able to make something presentable. I then made sure my schedule was clear for that day, and with everything ready, I was finally able to get my plan underway.
"Come on, Mom!" pleaded Starry. "Just tell me what's going on already!"
"Be patient, love. I will let you look soon," I assured him. "Just let me do one last thing,"
"But I wanna see now!" whined Starry as he tried to pry Midnight's hooves from in front of his eyes.
"Whoa! Hold on there buddy!" cried Midnight as he attempted to restrain the squirming colt. "Calm down. She's almost finished."
"Okay..." grumbled Starry, stopping his struggling.
"Alright," I said as I put up the last streamer. "He can look now."
Midnight removed his hooves from in front of Starry's face. Starry trembled as he took in the bright colors of the room around him. His eyes darted all around, never falling on one thing for more than a few seconds. I had forgotten that he had never had a real party in his entire life. His confusion at the vibrant decorations was natural for something so unfamiliar.
"We wanted to celebrate the anniversary of the day that I found you, so we threw you a surprise party! You do know what that means do you not?"
"We get to play games?"
"That is right! We get to play games all day!" I beamed.
"This is awesome!" he said, tackling me in a bear hug. "I love you!"
"I love you too, Starry my sweet."
After that, Starry, Midnight, and I started to unbox and play all the new board games that I had bought. We played for hours, and Starry had a great time. But eventually, the time came for cake and presents.
"Alright, Starry," I said as we finished up our last game of Monopony. "Are you ready for your presents?"
"You bet I am!" he squealed, his body a gelatinous mess of wiggles.
"Alright, because I have your first right here!" I exclaimed as I pulled a fluffy white mattress out of the closet. “I know you have been waiting to get a real bed for a long time, so I finally went out and got you one!"
"Woah! Thanks Mom!" cried Starry as he threw himself onto the downy cloud. "This is so cool!"
"Don't get too excited, kid; there's more where that came from," said Midnight, grinning.
"Do you have a present for me, Mr. Midnight?" asked Starry.
"I sure do, buddy! I have it right here," he said as he grabbed an adorned gift box with his teeth and dropped it in front of Starry. Starry stared at the colorful package then stood up. He paced around the box, an adorable predator stalking its festive prey. "Go on, open it!" encouraged Midnight. Starry took a deep breath, proceeded to become a wolverine and shred open the wrapping paper. When he managed to open the box, his face glowed as he saw what lay inside. Starry put his hooves in and drew out a large gold helmet with a thin blue crest of hair on top.
"That was mine back when I was a young stallion in the royal guard, but now that I'm the captain, I don't need it anymore. So I thought I'd be better if I gave it to you. I know it's super big on you now, but I'm sure I will fit someday..." admitted Midnight. Starry then tried to put on the bulky headgear, causing it to hang in front of his eyes. "So... Do you like it?"
"Are you kidding?" beamed Starry. "It's the best! Thanks, Mister!"
Midnight Legacy softly smiled. "That's great, kid, that makes me happy. That's not the whole gift, though."
"There's more!?"
"Yup, my gift comes with a promise. Luna and I talked it over, and we decided that the day you can fit into that helmet, I will start training you in the ways of being a soldier, so when you grow up you can be a guard, too."
"Really?!"
"On my honor, I promise."
We opened up all of the other colorful presents I had wrapped for Starry, including a notebook for him to write and draw in, a poster with some soldiers on it, and a small stack of novels. When we had finally finished, it was past Starry's bedtime, so we decided that we should bring out the cake.
"Happy birthday, Starry," I said as I took a large wedge of of the cake and put it onto a plate.
"Yeah happy birthday, you little monster," mumbled Midnight, a tentative flicker of a smile creeping into his face.
Starry grinned, took a deep breath, and began to dive into his cake face first.
"Hey! Take it down a notch!" Midnight raised a leg in front of his face to shield himself from being splattered with cake bits. However, Starry ignored him and continued to dig into the dessert. "Luna, control your child!" he said, but I just giggled and watched the scene play out.
***
Deep in the night, I heard a shriek, but it was not a normal shriek. It was a piercing shriek, one that smashed through the calmness of the night, shattering the thin layer of silence like a sledgehammer to porcelain.
I awoke with a start and looked around. It was all darkness, save for a thin ray of moonlight slipping through the gossamer curtains. "Who is it? Who's there?" I heard a soft whimper followed by a loud shuffling. "Starry honey, is that you?" A grave thought stabbed into my mind, and my heart sank. "Oh no, are you okay? Are you hurt?" I cried out into the black.
"I'm not hurt," whispered Starry, his voice quivering.
"Oh, my dearest, what happened? You sound in pain."
"I had a nightmare... Again."
Nightmares, Starry had been having them for a long time. I am not sure why, but they were getting worse by the day. Sometimes I knew when he's having them because I would visit his dream world. Other times I could feel the negative energy that oozed from his psyche and hear his mumbling, like a quiet plea, slipping from his shivering jaw.
I sighed and asked, "What was the dream about?" I already knew the answer, but letting him get it off his chest would help calm him down.
"It's the fire one again," he squeezed out.
"Oh, Starry, come here," I said, hoisting the sniffling colt onto my bed. "You can sleep up here tonight, okay?" I pulled Starry close to me and wrapped the covers around us into a safe cocoon.
"It was the same as all the other times except one thing..."
"What?"
"This time, instead of being swallowed by the fire, I wasn't. Just as it started to get close to me it all went out, and I was alone. After that, a huge black thing came over to me," Starry moaned,his voice like that of a wounded animal. "It had sharp teeth and a gross blue mane, but worst of all it looked like cheese, all full of holes." Starry closed his wide eyes and grabbed onto me, burying his muzzle in my shoulder.
"It is okay, Starry," I comforted him. "It is all going to be okay. Trust me, nothing like that will EVER happen to you, not when I am around."
"Okay." He smiled a bit. "Love you, Mom."
"I love you too, precious one."
Love is a strange thing. Sometimes it drags you up from the pit of despair, and makes you feel as if nothing else matters. Other times its seemingly unbreakable bonds can crumble in an instant. Fighting with anypony hurts, but by far the deepest cuts come from those you trust. I believe we all have shields, not the kind of shields you take into battle, but rather the invisible kind. The kind that we use to keep out the inevitable criticism of the world. And I think that we all have ponies that make us feel safe, safe enough to lower our shields. Unfortunately, that makes it hurt all the more when they stab you through the heart.
***
My fork clinked as it knocked against the fine porcelain of my plate. I sighed as I looked at the huge banquet table that lay in front of me. Alone again, I thought as I gazed at all the empty chairs scattered around the room. She's been gone for a long time now. I just hope she is okay.
I dropped my fork and stood up no longer hungry. I dragged myself over to one of the many windows that looked out of the dining hall and sat down. It was raining again, but this time it was not light. This time, the rain were knives falling in heavy sheets, and the sky was a dark, angry mass of gray. I put my muzzle on the glass. It was cold, but I did not mind; it was soothing. I closed my eyes, but just as I started to drift off, the door to the banquet hall creaked open.
"Luna, are you okay?" chimed a familiar voice.
"Celestia!" I shouted surprised.
"Yes, it's me. I am finally done with the project! You wouldn't believe what we—"
"You fool!" I cried, fury in my voice.
"What? What did I do?"
"What did you do!? You disappeared for ages without a word and then showed up one day saying 'tis me again! I am back sister!’ How did you expect me to react?"
"Not like this..."
"Where even were you?" I demanded.
"I was doing work. Why does it even matter? I am here now."
"Work?" I laughed. "What about meeting with Orion? What about filling out mountains of papers? What about that work? Or was all that not important enough to you?"
"No, it's important, I just thought that you could—"
"Oh, I get it!" I yelled. "You want to shove off all the unfun stuff on your little sister because you have got better things to do than stupid paperwork and boring meetings, right?"
"Let me speak for a second!" she snapped. "I am sorry that I left you! I really am, but you have to understand that I have more important things in my life than you!"
My jaw dropped open. More important than me, I thought, my heart on the edge of exploding.
"Excuse me!?" I screamed.
"Luna, you know what I mean."
"Yes, I think I know exactly what you mean," I retorted.
"I am not saying I do not love you; I am just saying you must think about the greater good."
"What greater good?" I scoffed. "I am your only family. You know, the ones you're supposed to love no matter what?"
Celestia shook her head. "You don't get it. That's not how being a princess works. Oh, and I heard about what happened at that meeting, and frankly, I am disappointed with you. What you did was rude, disrespectful, and most of all embarrassing to all of Equestria."
"Oh, so what you did was not rude? You left me unprepared for a meeting I did not even know was happening!"
"That's different!" she shouted incredulously.
"How?!"
"I did it for good reason!"
"No, you did it for what you thought was a good reason and did not even think for a second what other ponies would want. Besides, nopony wants to see me! They think I am just your delinquent sister. It is always you they want."
"I want to see you."
"Then why did you leave?"
Celestia went silent and lowered her head.
After that, Celestia and I did not talk, and as time went on, she started disappearing more and more. It was almost like she was a ghost: gone, only to reappear at the worst possible times. I would love to say that Celestia was my only problem, but that would be a lie.
Back then, I was having fights with everypony, regardless of whether I was mad at them or not. However, by far what I regret the most were the fights with Starry. Starry was always a bit difficult, but never was that more evident than when he began to hit his teen years. He was still the cute pony that I had found fourteen years earlier, just more stubborn.
***
"Starry I am home," I called out to an empty room. Strange, I thought as I trotted inside. Where did he gallop off to? After calling out his name a few more times, I began to grow worried. I decided to look for him In all the usual places: the closet, in the bathroom, and even under the bed. Of course he's not under the bed! I thought, frustrated. He's fourteen, not four!
I sat down on my bed pondering my next move when I felt a draft of cold air. I stood up and followed the breeze. It led me across the room and to my balcony door, which had been left cracked open. Oh no, he did not! I thought as I began to piece together what happened.
Hours passed, and I grew more and more worried for Starry. I talked to Midnight about it, but he said he that he was training new recruits all day. He did not have a clue. He told me everything was going to be alright, but I was still worried. Midnight decided to go looking for Starry to calm me down, but he still was not able to find him no matter how hard he tried.
"The Everfree Forest is a big place,” said Midnight as he paced around my room. “There's no way we would be able to search it all alone.”
"He might not be in the Everfree; he could just be hiding," I suggested.
"Come on Luna, who are you kidding? Where else could he have gone?"
"I do not know, he could be in the castle somewhere..."
"We already checked the entire castle twice!" Midnight sighed and put his hoof on my shoulder. "Look, I don't want to admit it either, but he flew away. I don't know why, but he did. And the only thing we can do now is wait for him. I'm sure if he's okay, then he'll find his way back. It's not like the castle is exactly hard to find."
"I know; you're right—”
"Now," he cut me off. "Get some rest. You look awful." I glanced in the mirror. He was right; I was a wreck.
"Alright, thank you," I said as he trotted out of the room.
***
I sat down at my coffee table holding a cup of tea when the clock struck midnight. I tried to suppress my feelings of guilt and go to sleep, but it was proving to be a physical impossibility. I wish I could say that it was all because I was worried about Starry, but it was not. A piece of me, no matter how small it may have been, was deathly afraid of being alone again.
I tried to take deep breaths and relieve the stress, but all that came out was a loud and uncontrollable moan. I dropped my muzzle to the wooden table and closed my eyes. Why?! Why does everything I love fly away from me?! I raised my head, ready to smack it against the table again when I heard a faint creaking sound.
"Mom?" called out a familiar voice. I whipped my head around to see my son standing in front of the open window. "Are you alright? You look sick." He began to trot toward me, concern in his soft blue eyes. I shook my head, tears running down down my face.
"No, I am not sick... But I am glad to see you!" I said, gripping Starry Night in an intense hug.
"Woah!" he stammered. “Calm down, Mom; you're killing me!"
"Sorry... I was just worried about you," I admitted, ruffling his wild bird’s nest mane. "Now, what is wrong with you?!"
"Huh?" sputtered Starry.
"Where were you?!"
"Nowhere," he insisted. "I went out, okay? What's it to you?"
"You went out?! You mean you went out without asking ME, your mother, first?"
"So what?"
"What if you had gotten yourself killed!? I wouldn't have even known!"
"It's cool that you want to protect me and stuff, but I'm not a baby anymore. You don't have to hold my hoof every step of the way!" groaned Starry.
"I am not holding your hoof! Just because I expect you to follow the rules of common courtesy like everypony else doesn't mean I am holding your hoof!" I lectured.
"Oh yeah? And how do you expect me to tell you? I can't exactly go looking for you in the castle, can I?"
"You could tell me before I go to work. But of course you're not going to do that because that would require you to actually wake up at a reasonable hour."
"I've got a better plan! How about you stop being paranoid and let me go out whenever I want?"
"No, how about instead I forbid you from ever leaving!"
"You know what?! Maybe I'm tired of you trying to dictate every step of my life!"
"Oh really?" I scoffed. "Is that what this is about?"
"Yes! That's ALWAYS been what It's about! Sometimes I feel like I'm the princess, locked up in a tower, having everything given to me on a silver platter," said Starry deep resentment in his voice.
I sighed. "I know..."
"You what?"
"I know! I am just afraid somepony will find you." I looked up at Starry, tears returning to my eyes. "I do not want anypony to take you away from me… You are all I have."
Starry looked at me again, his face growing softer and more understanding. "I know," he whispered, pulling me in for another hug.
"Someday I will be able to set you free, I promise.”
After that, Starry Night always woke up early to ask if he could fly, and I never once said no.