//------------------------------//
// Chapter 49: NAAANTS INGONYAMAAAA YER A QUEEN A GLITTA 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

	Applejack tapped a pile of papers on the table, putting them in line. “Well,” she said, with a look of pride on her face, “that oughta ‘bout do it, Ah reckon.”
Fluttershy nodded. “I think so too. All of the information we’ve gathered so far, all in a hopefully easy to understand package. What do you think, Pinkie Pie?”
“It’s terrible!” Pinkie flung a set of blank multi-colored pages into the air, wrapping her forehooves over her head. “How am I supposed to plan a party around this? How, I say!”
The orange farmpony blinked slowly. “Pinkie. This ain’t a party plannin’ meetin’.”
There was silence for several seconds. “Oh.” Pinkie swept her papers to one side, knocking them off the table. “Never mind then. It’s perfect.” 
“Glory to Hoofstotzka.” A mint-colored unicorn dropped into the seat across from the three mares, his cap pulled down over his eyes. “Papers, please.”
Applejack raised her eyebrow. “Say what?”
Wits End sighed, pushing his cap back up. “You’re lucky I don’t have my Yes-Slash-No stamps.” He leaned over the table to read the documents. “These are terrible. Everything’s written upside-down.”
“Try to be serious for a short time, dear,” Rarity sighed, taking a seat next to Fluttershy. “They look fine, girls. And the nobility is all ready to jump all over those papers.”
“Stop the presses!” a grey pegasus shouted after barging through the door, causing Fluttershy to duck under the table in surprise. He clumsily trotted over to the shared table and plopped down into the seat next to Wits End.
“Stop the presses, really?” Rainbow Dash asked taking a seat as well. “You spent half the walk back thinking to go with that?”
Wits sighed. “Trust me. He could’ve come up with something much worse.” He sat back in his seat. “So, how went the back-up gathering?”
“I got reshod,” the pink and brown maned pegasus said, lifting up a hoof to show the larger shoes, “and we got the official royal orders to several smiths for weapons, armor and other supplies a military would need extras for in a war.”
“We also got some written statements from a couple of the militia ponies still in the town regarding their marching orders,” Rainbow chimed, adding their papers to the stack. “For however much those do.”
“I’m sure they’ll be useful,” Fluttershy muttered, sorting the papers into a better order. “I guess we’re just waiting for Twilight and Purple Heart then…”
Wits groaned. “Hopefully it won’t take him five days this time.”
Before the mint-colored pinto had even finished speaking, the incessant sound of repetitive cursing could be heard drawing ever closer to the group.
“Carp, carp, carp, carp, carp. Not good. Not good at all.”
“How is this not good? She actually has a claim!”
“Yeah, but now that paints a target on her back. Carp, carp, carp, carp, carp. Why does this always happen to us? Oh yeah, we’re us. Bad things come in threes, courtesy of your local Colt Trio. We’re here til Thursday.”
A frown spread over Wits End’s face as he listened to the approaching voices. “Ordinarily, I enjoy the sound of someone suffering mental torment. This, on the other hoof, sounds like more trouble than it’s worth.” With that said, Purple Heart cantered briskly into the inn, a pained look of discomfort on his face. Amber Glitter and Twilight followed shortly after him, worried expressions on their respective faces.
“You can bet your minty magical stord this is more trouble than it’s worth,” the purple earth pony ground out. “Turns out, we found why Amber hasn’t been in Gallopilli despite being born here.” He swung his gaze to focus on the other five mares and the two colts. “Go on. Have a guess.”
“She was on a mission from the gods to get the band back together?” Light Patch threw out.
“She’s actually an extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcolt, here from the future to help us fall in love with the mare who will-” Wits stopped at the looks Rainbow Dash and Rarity were giving him. “Too much thought for a rhetorical question?”
Pinkie Pie took a deep breath. “She’s actually the long lost daughter of the sister of the king and an old grizzled gladiator, but she was too young to remember her parents, so she only returned recently to learn about her past, which you two have uncovered with an ancient spell?” She looked around at the confused looks the other ponies shooting her way. “What?”
Wits End narrowed his eyebrows at the pink mare. “Pinkie, that has to be the most ridiculous, unbelievable, impossible suggestion I’ve ever-”
“He’s the Master of the Arena, but yes,” Purple Heart interrupted. “Props to Pinkie. Have a cupcake.”
Wits blinked blankly. “What.” The rest of the Mane Six stared at Purple Heart, dumbstruck at his confirmation.
“All hail Princess Amber Glitter,” Purple Heart said, raising a hoof towards the golden unicorn. “Daughter of Lady Vale Blossom and Master of the Arena, Melee Glorious. Also the only pony I’m willing to put on the throne of Gallopilli as of fifteen minutes ago.”
Rarity cleared her throat. “Well. That… changes some things, doesn’t it?”
“It changes a lot of things!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “How’re we supposed to trust her now? What if she’s just using us to get at the throne?” She folded her forelegs in front of her chest. “We could all just be pawns in her nefarious plan, for all we know.”
“Rainbow’s rampant paranoia aside,” Wits End said, “this does put us in a very uncomfortable position; like having a hind leg wrapped around the back of your neck.” He turned to look at Amber. “Whether it was your intention or not, Amber, if anypony in the nobility puts two and two together, it’ll look like we’ve been working to put you on the throne from the beginning. Did you know about any of this before meeting with Purple Heart and arriving here in Gallopilli?” The golden unicorn shook her head rapidly, eyes wide with shock.
“None of it!” she assured. “I only got an anonymous missive from somepony here in Gallopilli saying it would be in my best interest to visit. While we traveled, Opal got taken by the bandits and I met Purple. I didn’t even know why I was called a princess until today, or even knew my parentage.” Light Patch leaned over to Twilight.
“Hey Twilight, did you happen to read what the punishment for an attempted overthrow of the current king is?” he asked.
Twilight thought for a moment. “The first thing that would happen to a convicted revolutionary is that they’d lose their hindhooves below the tarsus. Then their forehooves at the fetlocks. And then their muzzles. After that is their left eye, followed by their right. And then-”
Light Patch’s laughter drew the gaze of all the ponies at the table. “Awesome, let’s do this.” He turned to look at the others at the table. “So, we got everything we need?”
“Welp, I dunno about what you’ve all got, but I’m ready to overthrow the king,” Purple Heart said cheerfully, only for his brow to furrow in confusion. “What, you don’t want proof that we’re telling the truth?”
“Why would we?” Wits asked, a slightly deranged tone in his voice. “I mean, this only has the potential to sabotage everything we’ve done since the very day we arrived in this city. The worst thing that can happen is that we die horrible, gruesome, lengthy deaths. Why would we need any proof for something like that?” His lower-right eyelid twitched as he laid his head on the table, Fluttershy cautiously patting his head from maximum reach. Purple Heart ignored the soothing gesture and shrugged.
“Huh... I guess we have an extra pop on that spell if we need it,” he mused. “Now, I’m ready to potentially have an appendix dominating death. Lessgo.”
“We’ll have to be as mysterious as the dark long of the shoe if we’re to succeed,” Light Patch responded, grinning. “Let’s do this.”
Wits End sighed as he stood up. “Fine. Whatever. Let’s do with with all the force of an angry campfire, then.”
With large grins on their faces, the three stallions raised a forehoof and sang, “Masculinity!” before charging out the door of the inn.
The mares sat in stunned silence for a few minutes before Rainbow managed to find her voice. “Does anypony else feel like we’ve missed something?”
“We always seem to miss something with that lot,” Pinkie replied, “and if we don’t hurry we’ll miss something right now!”


* * *


“Okay, this is just ridiculous,” Twilight hissed.
“And why do you say that?” Purple Heart asked softly as he rested against a wall of the antechamber leading into the throne room.
“I thought we’d be bursting in and ranting to high heaven about how Bastion is a bad pony and he should be arrested,” the purple alicorn whispered to their group. “Instead, we took a number and we’re waiting on HIS convenience.”
“If you think about it, this is a safer approach,” Purple Heart commented lightly, causing the rest of the mares present to perk up with interest. “Instead of barging in and announcing to the world that we are here to challenge Bastion only to be arrested on the spot, we have been given a legal reason to see the king. After all, the king is required to hear the daily grievances of his ponies, isn’t he?” He smirked as he watched realization wash over the mares’ faces.
“I’m with the sparkly vampire pony; this is stupid,” Light Patch chimed in quietly. “The revolutionaries in Prance didn’t have to wait in a line to chop the king’s head off.”
“Haven’t you seen ‘Les Misérchevux’?” Wits End asked, leaning against a nearby pillar. “The revolutionaries also had to try three times and lost terribly in the first two wars. At least this way, we can practice what we’re gonna sing as we’re executed.”
“We’re not gonna be executed,” Applejack said shortly.
“Do you hear the ponies sing?” Wits muttered in a musical tone. “Singing the song of how we’re screwed~”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “We simply need to be diplomatic about how we go about this. We present the documents, make our case, and appeal to the nobles we’ve already convinced of Bastion’s corruption.”
“And what if that doesn’t work?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Then we crush them completely and totally!” Rainbow Dash shouted, beating her forehooves together.
“Subtle,” Applejack groaned. “They’ll never see us comin’ now, Rainbow.”
The rainbow-maned mare glanced around. “That could’ve been anypony,” she said quietly.
“And everypony knows it’s you,” Purple Heart retorted. “I mean, look around.” He gestured to the glares and disgusted looks the other ponies in the casting at their little anarchist group.
“All of them are probably more interested in the fact that Princess Amber and her potential consort are here,” Twilight pointed out. Purple Heart waved a hoof dismissively.
“I bet ten bits they think I’m gonna ask for permission to marry her,” the purple barbarian said.
“It’s not too late to switch the plan to that,” Wits cut in. “It’s not too far out there, it’d be a cute wedding, it doesn’t involve us being labelled as traitors to the crown…”
“I can be the best stallion. I actually do clean up fairly good,” Light Patch chimed in. “You’ll have to settle for me winging my best man speech though.”
Purple Heart’s death glare wasn’t missed by the Mane Six. Nor was the meaning behind it:
No.
The glare was there for a split second and then disappeared, his face returning to a more amiable expression. “Hopefully, they’ll call out number so that this conversation will end.”
And lo...
“Now serving number 31?”
“Well, whadaya know.” The purple earth pony trotted over to the doors and showed the guard the parchment tab with the number on it.
“Feels like it took them forever to get to that number?” the grey pegasus mumbled as he followed the others into the room.
Wits stopped before passing the guard. “You should at least have some magazines out here or something.” The guard rolled his eyes as the mint-colored unicorn trotted through the doors.
The Mane Six plus Amber walked after the three colts into the throne room to dead silence. Retainers and other court officials watched the group like hawks as they walked up towards the throne. They all came to a stop several paces from the base of the throne, shifting under Bastion’s piercing gaze. The dark blue pegasus cocked his head to one side as he looked at them, his dark eyes settling on Purple Heart. After a moment of silence, Light Patch and Wits End glanced at each other. With a shared nod, they both kicked a certain purple earth pony’s flank to the front of the group, eliciting a surprised yelp.
King Bastion arched an eyebrow while the court either tittered in amusement or murmured rumors.
“And what,” the royal pegasus rumbled, “would give the Champion of the Coliseum reason to come before me?” His hard eyes flicked to Amber Glitter for a second before returning to the purple barbarian. “Perhaps you wish to court a member of the ruling class?” Purple Heart swallowed and looked up at the one pony who could make his day go from bad to worse; save Wits of course.
“King Bastion,” he addressed as respectfully as he could. “What is your opinion of the provinces lost to Ghuilder and Phloren?”
Bastion’s face took on a more steely look at the purple stallion. “My father giving up those provinces was a necessary measure to maintain peace.” Bastion replied, his voice strained.
Purple Heart nodded. “Indeed it was. So why is it that you are trying to incite war between the two countries?” All noise in the throne room dissipated, leaving the room desolate. Bastion’s eyes hardened considerably.
“And what makes you say that?” the king asked, his voice low and dangerous. Purple opened his mouth to reply then closed it, looking at Wits End.
“You know the material,” the purple earth pony pointed out. “You tear him apart.”
“Leave the exposition to me,” Wits said, stepping forward and looking out at the assembled nobleponies. “As we all know, the diplomatic relationships between the kingdoms of Phloren and Ghuilder started to decline over a year ago. However, this decline had stabilized to a level of simple distrust a few months later, and remained at that level.” He took another step forward, locking eyes with Just Duty standing in the ranks of the court before returning to his explanation. “That is, until six months ago, when a minor border conflict sparked up.
“While the cause of this conflict is unknown, it occurred close enough to Roania’s borders to warrant the attention of its ruler. King Bastion,” the mint-colored stallion paused to nod his head to the seated lord, “stepped in to act as a negotiator and go-between for the two neighboring nations. A noble gesture. At least, from all obvious appearances.” He nodded to Twilight, who stepped up with the compiled documents.
After a moment to compose herself, the alicorn began. “Sixty years ago, during the reign of King Behemoth, Roania lost the lowland provinces to the United Kingdoms Phloren-Ghuilder. Despite the great accomplishments of Behemoth during his rule, the loss of the lowlands was considered a major failing of his and his family line. So much so, in fact, that shortly before his death, King Behemoth was quoted as saying that ‘the reclamation of the Roanian lowlands is a matter that must be completed, be it by my hoof or by my descendants’, at any and all costs.’” Twilight looked up, her eyes narrowed at the ruler in front of them. “At all costs.”
“Now,” Wits continued calmly, “shortly after King Bastion’s involvement in the talks between Phloren and Ghuilder, things started going downhill much faster. Cessations of trade agreements, seizure of property, expulsion of immigrants, and so on. All the while with Bastion working day and night to do…” He turned back to the king. “To do what, exactly?”
“What are you insinuating?” one of the nobles asked, doubt obvious on the faces in the crowd. “That the king is some sort of warmonger?”
Wits End recognized the noblemare as one that Rarity had prepared earlier. “Light Patch? Tell me, what is the state of the Roanian military right now?”
With a nod, the indicated pegasus stallion stepped forward and held up some of the royal orders to the smiths up. “Extra, extra, Roanian military mobilizing!” Light Patch said in his best newscolt voice. “‘The king has commissioned local smiths to produce several goods that a military would need, in quantities unneeded for times of peace,’ say smiths. Food merchants report rural border towns drawing in more food than most cities. And some militia soldiers claim they’ve received orders to march!” The stallion lowered the sheaf of papers and stepped back into the group, giving a small nod to Purple Heart. “The king’s cart is wreaked. Total it.” he whispered. Purple Heart nodded and stepped forward.
“All right,” he said. “Let’s recap: King Behemoth gives away the provinces of Phloren and Ghuilder to promote peace. You become ruler of Roania and believe those provinces are Gallopilli’s, and yours, by right. You sow the seeds of conflict and distrust amongst both sides and just sit back and wait for the implosion to begin while your army masses near your borders, ready to retake both countries in the name of reinstating peace. All in all, I give your plan ten outta ten. Up until the point we figure it out.”
Silence. The entire court was absorbing what had just been revealed to them. Purple Heart turned to walk away, having wrapped up his and his friends’ argument in a nice bow. He paused, remembering the request he had received back on the road. Glancing over his shoulder, he looked at Bastion.
“Also, killing Vale Blossom didn’t do you any favors,” he commented before walking the rest of the way to where his comrades stood.
The silence in the room was almost deafening. Groups of the nobility whispered amongst themselves, considering what the group of adventurers in front of them had put forward. While the court was busy, nopony noticed the look one snow-colored stallion received from the young unicorn. “Given the information brought to light,” Holdfast said slowly, stifling the smile threatening to form, “I move for a vote of no confidence in King Bastion, on the grounds of tyrannical personal actions against the wellbeing of Roania and its citizens.”
“I second the vote,” Just Duty said, stepping forward. “His actions will leave us surrounded by nothing but enemies. Furthermore, he holds no just claim to the surrendered provinces anymore. These documents prove it,” the older stallion said, holding up papers his own search had turned up.
The muttering of the court reached a fever pitch as both sets of evidence started circulating, with the murmurs falling silent as the ponies looked over the papers. Slowly, hooves raised in the air. Before too long, every hoof was pointed skyward, the eyes locked on the pegasus in the throne. King Bastion looked around, his gaze raking across each pony before settling on Amber Glitter. For a split second, a flash of recognition sparked in his eyes. Then he lowered his head.
“I, King Bastion, do abdicate from the Royal Throne of Roania,” the regal pegasus declared, stepping down from the high seat. His wide wings flapped once, sending him coasting down to where Purple Heart stood. With great care, Bastion removed his crown and hoofed it to the purple earth pony before leaning in to whisper in Purple Heart’s ear.
“She’s the daughter of Vale Blossom,” Bastion whispered, “isn’t she?” Purple Heart blinked once and nodded almost imperceptibly.
“Beware, Champion of the Coliseum,” the navy pegasus warned. “You aren’t out of the woods yet.” Leaving the court confused, Bastion departed, letting the doors to the throne room swing shut on oiled hinges.
Silence reigned as the court absorbed the recent events.
After a moment, Pinkie Pie spoke up. “So, this is where somepony plays the triumphant music, right?”
“I was thinking that too,” Wits muttered. “If this is a quest, it should be over now. Where’s the experience? Where’s the victory? Where’s the cream filling?” He pointed a hoof at Pinkie, who had somehow managed to get hold of a filled piping bag. “No.”
“Methinks,” Purple Heart said slowly, looking at the crown on his hoof, “we have to help crown a new ruler.” His eyes flicked over to Amber Glitter for a split second before snapping to the throne. “Don’t you agree?” He glanced at Wits.
Wits End glanced at Amber Glitter. He tilted his head from side to side as he thought. “Could be worse… Patchy?”
“I think... that I would make a horrible king, and the crown doesn’t look like it’ll fit me.” His gaze drifted over to Amber. “But if you guys insist,” Light Patch said, taking the crown and dropping it over his helmet. “Huh, this thing’s kind of hea-” He was interrupted by yet another swift kick from Rarity. “I was kidding. Sheesh, no humor.” The stallion took the crown off and placed it in Rarity’s extended hoof. Purple Heart looked around at the small conversations that had sprung up around the throne room. Clearing his throat, he stepped forward and turned to address the room.
“I nominate Princess Amber Glitter as ruler of Roania,” he boomed, his voice silencing all conversations as it echoed through the large chamber. All looked up at him, disbelief obvious on their faces; save two stallions. Amber was anxious about the declaration. Twilight expression was one of  satisfaction. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were genuinely surprised, while Rarity and Applejack were only mildly so. Pinkie, on the other hoof, simply stepped forward.
“Sec-” she began only to be interrupted by the doors to the throne room burst open to reveal a hefty looking pony backlit by the afternoon light. Arrayed behind the figure were red-clad ponies sporting strange wide brimmed hats.
“Now, now, my dear ponies,” the figure chided. “It pains me to see that you’ve forgotten me so easily.” The backlit pony stepped forward, his features becoming clear.
Boomer smiled warmly at the assembled adventurer ponies. “Long live the king.”