On a sunny day there was a human dressed in a fine black tuxedo and black fancy shoes. That human was you, who was, as of right now walking out of the Everfree Forest. You knew it was called the Everfree Forest, because some yellow, winged small horse told you so.
It all happened about ten minutes ago.
You opened your eyes to find yourself lying on wet green moss in the middle of a dark, dense forest. The sun’s rays shone through small gaps in the leaves and the singing of birds could be heard. The forest floor was overgrown with moss and weeds, and there were dozens of bushes conveniently everywhere within this area of the forest.
You stood up to get a better look of your surroundings, there was trees and bushes everywhere… it was a forest alright, duh. You then scratched the back of your neck, wondering just how you got here.
However, you did not have much time to ponder how you got here, when you suddenly heard the snapping of a stick, followed shortly by the roar of a monster behind you.
You turned around and sure enough there was a manticore.
"Aaaahhah! A manticore! What a terrible cliche way to die!" you screamed in terror.
A look of hurt crossed the manticore’s face, before it looked down in a downcast manner, followed by turning around and slowly walking away from you.
With the manticore’s feelings safely hurt, you had proceeded to walk the opposite direction of the manticore in hope of finding civilization.
Fortunately, it did not take you very long to find a dirt path. Upon said dirt path was a winged yellow horse creature with massive basketball sized eyes.
"Oh, hello there human. Are you lost?" she asked in a sweet feminine voice.
"Yes I am lost talking horse thing. Is there a town nearby?"
"Yes, I’m Fluttershy by the way. What’s your name?"
"I’m Anon," you said in a robotic tone. "Now, where is civilization?"
"Just follow the path this way and you’ll find a town called Ponyville," she said, pointing her hoof up north.
"Right, thanks horse."
With that you made your merry way toward civilization. A civilization of talking small horses, but civilization nonetheless.
Unfortunately, you soon heard the loud sound of clopping hooves from behind you. You turned around to see Fluttershy looking at you with cute pleading doggy eyes.
"Can…. can… can I have a pet, Mr. Human?" she said in a soft voice, her huge eye staring into your very soul.
You pulled your hand back, whereupon you proceeded to slap her so hard across the face you knocked her over. The mare immediately began to cry in anguish over the pain you inflicted upon her and the denial of pets.
"No! Go away you stupid horse! I don’t want to give ponies pets!" you roared, glaring daggers at her.
The mare wailed in grief, the mass of tears from her eyes quickly forming a puddle from underneath her. You on the other hand were laughing evilly as red evil renegade points flowed into you.
"Mwahahaha! Your hurt feelings make me stronger! I am immune to pony cuteness!" you said in a deep evil voice.
With a big smile on your face you walked away from the crying mare, satisfied that you hurt her feelings so badly. You were proud of being an evil bastard of a human.
You walked out of the forest into a somewhat medieval town. Where you were immediately greeted by a pink blur speeding toward you. Said blur came to a stop right before you to reveal a pink pony with large blue eyes
"Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie! Will you be my friend and give me a pet?" she said, giving you adorable imploring eyes.
"Hmm", you said as you rubbed your chin thoughtfully, whilst a large crowd of ponies began to gather around you in the street, who looked on in anticipation of your decision.
"No, I will not give you a pet."
Ponies gasped in horror, several of which even fainted over what you just said.
"Wh-what? But-but…. but Princess Celestia told us humans love giving us cute ponies pets?" she said, completely flabbergasted of you not wanting to pet cute ponies.
"Well, I don’t like petting ponies!" you roared angrily. "For one thing, I think ponies are ugly!"
Ponies gasped in horror, several more ponies fainted over what you just said.
"You… you... you evil bastard!" Pinkie Pie screamed, before falling to the ground, whereupon she began to cry over her rejection of not getting a pet.
Several ponies came forward to pet the distraught mare with their hooves.
"Thank you! But it’s no use everypony! Pony hooves are inferior compared to human hands in petting and everything else!" she shouted.
"We know!" they said simultaneously, before several of them fell to the ground and began to cry alongside her.
You laughed maniacally as renegade points flowed into you like a river made of pony tears. You feel the abyss call to you, you embrace the darkness within. In time all will know your terrible name, your strength against cute ponies and cruelty will be legendary.
You are the No Pony Petter, soon the mark you shall carve upon Equestria shall never fade. All the ponies of Equestria shall cry and get no pets from you.
But suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, followed by the appearance of Princess Celestia before you. You knew it to be Princess Celestia, because your No Pony Petter power level went up.
"What is going on here?!" she bellowed.
"He’s a human! Who won’t give pets!" shouted Pinkie Pie, before going back to crying.
"No! That can’t be true!" she shouted, before her voice went quiet and sad. "Can it?"
Celestia turned back to face you, looking at you with cute pleading doggy eyes.
"It has been a thousand years since I have got a pet from a human. I miss being pet by a human so much! Please human, can you give this old mare a pet?" she said in a soft voice of an angel.
"No!" you shouted, crossing your arms as you gave her a nasty glare.
Celestia’s jaw dropped in shock.
"How can this be? My dear friend Jimmy, the last human in this world had pet and gave belly rubs of every single pony on this planet. Even as he lay on his deathbed, he gave me one last pet whilst I gave him a tearful kiss goodbye."
"Well, don’t expect anything like that from me you big fat dumb horse!" you roared, giving her a harsh glare.
"DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT?!" she boomed in an extremely loud voice.
"Yeah, I did. All that fattening cake has to go somewhere! Like your big fat ass!"
Celestia growled, grinding her teeth as hot steam emitted off her forehead.
"Human, you better say you’re sorry! Or I’ll--
"Or what? You’ll eat more fattening cake to make you happy?"
The mental image of her bucking you into the sun crossed her mind. But she decided to do something a lot better.
"I didn’t want to do this. I wanted us to be friends first so this could be more romantic, but you have left me with no choice but to use my buttmagic."
"Buttmagic, what are you…. you…. you… I-I…. I… I--, as you spoke she turned around and leaned forward to raise her massive white fat rump high into the air.
"Behold, my glorious butt! Bow before it and worship it puny human! You know you want to!" she said sensually, looking back at you with bedroom eyes.
"No, not Sunbutt Indoctrination!" you shouted in terror.
You struggled in vain, before sighing in defeat.
"Your ass is so fine. What must I do to tap it?" you asked in a low voice, overwhelmed by Celestia amazing butt of butts.
"By petting me and all my little ponies of course."
You sighed again in defeat. "Alright, let’s get this over with."
It turned out even the mighty No Pony Petter was no match for Princess Celestia’s all powerful butt.
The End