//------------------------------// // World Suggestions Six // Story: The Conversion Bureau: Worlds Where It Wouldn’t Work // by Sora2455 //------------------------------// Ōkami Invent required spells. ✓ Scry on target world. ✓ Pay quick visit to check everything works. Xlestia looked up from her check-list and into the small, pony-sized portal she'd made as a practise run. It was ovular, with jagged edges that made it look like she'd literally broken a hole in space. On the other side, she could see a forest full of exotic trees. Taking a deep breath, and holding her head high, Xlestia walked right through the portal. Once through, she glanced side to side. Pristine countryside all around. She exhaled, and then inhaled. The air here was clear and crisp. The humans obviously hadn't had a chance to foul up this part of their world yet. Satisfied with what she'd found, Xlestia flapped her mighty wings, flying up above the canopy of leaves. There, she inspected the sky. One sun, one moon - both in the sky at once without their day/night cycle breaking. How did they manage that?! Xlestia settled back down on the ground, slightly perturbed by what she'd seen. "I really need to have a word with whoever manages the sun around here." She muttered to herself. "Wuf?" Startled, the Alicorn spun around to find a white wolf standing between her and the portal home. It was staring, quite intelligently, right into her eyes. "Yes...?" Xlestia asked cautiously. "Wuf." "Oh! Oh, this is your sun. My apologies." "Growl~?" "Hm? I'm here to cleanse all despair and pain from this world." "Wuf!?" "What? No! No, I'm not implying that you haven't been doing a great job, I-I'm sure you have been!" "Growl~!" The wolf's ears folded back as it bared its fangs. "Look, there's no need to get territorial about this..." The white wolf walked around Xlestia, and began to push her in the direction of the portal with its head. "Look, we'll split half and half, how about that?" Xlestia offered frantically as Ammy shoved her back through her own portal. "I can help, I promise!" With single stroke of the Celestial Brush, the portal was closed. Final Fantasy (Any, really) "Drink up, and become strong, healthy ponies!" A crazed looking Xlestia chucked a bottle of Serum at the formation of humans, nailing the fighter in the face. The magical potion mixed with the blood that was leaking out of the glass-inflicted cuts. -Poof!- "Yay!" The new-foal cried, prancing on the spot. "The world has become sunshine and rainbows! Everything is happy!" The healer of the party rubbed their eyes to make sure they were seeing this right. Well, uh... it looks like that potion inflicts Pony and some form of Charm, so maybe... "Esuna." -Poof!- The fighter reappeared in the new-foal's place, splayed out on all fours. "The world is dark and filled with angst once more." It was Xlestia's turn to rub her eyes. "What...? No. No! More potion!" -Poof!- "I love you guys!" "Esuna!" -Poof!- "I hate my life." "Potion!" -Poof!- "I think I'm gonna throw up..." "Esuna!" -Poof!- "Hurk...!" "Potion!" The third member of the band shook their head as they watched the infliction of more than one kind of whiplash. "'Don't bother with a ribbon', they said. 'We won't need it', they said..." Alternatively... (VII only) Sporting a black eye and slightly singed fur, Xlestia gave an unashamed whoop of relief as her dive brought her behind the safety of the Barrier. "Safe!" Cloud Strife jumped high, sword held in both hands as he aimed to plunge the blade right through Xlestia's chest. His feet slammed into the ground scant centimetres from the magical wall as the deadly weapon cut right through the Alicorn... or rather, it would have had the blade not been disintegrated up to the hilt by the Barrier. Cloud staggered backwards, staring in annoyance at his ruined weapon. Xlestia gave a wide, obnoxious smirk. "On this world, you say you're 'only human' as a way of reminding yourself of your fallibility; a sentiment I wholeheartedly agree with." She gave a grand sweeping gesture with a forehoof, indicating the shimmering sphere of energy. "My mighty Barrier protects me and my own from anything a human could ever dream of!" Cloud stared evenly back at the pony. Abruptly, he held his hand out to the side. "Yuffie. Pass me a Destruct materia." The young ninja blinked, but reached into a pocket and retrieved a crystalline sphere about the size of a tennis ball, which she tossed to Cloud. The swordsman held the magical orb in one hand, outstretched so that the orb was facing Xlestia and her Barrier. "DeBarrier." Alternatively... (Tactics only) "Um, mister?" "Hm?" The filly that had spoken up traced a circle in the dust with an errant hoof. "Shouldn't you be worried?" "About what?" The grumpy old man replied, leaning back in his rocking chair. "Um..." The filly looked out the the window. The bright glow of the Barrier was literally a meter from the house. The old man sorted. "Oh, that? Never had a faithful bone in my body, all these years." "Huh?" The ever-expanding Barrier soundlessly swallowed the wall. "Nice thing about being an Atheist." He continued, as the wave of magic swept through his house, and, ultimately, over his body. "Gah!" The filly yelped, covering her eyes. "Magic don't work on you." The man commented, laying naked in the dirt. "Cannot unsee..." The filly whimpered. One-Punch Man "Rejoice, humanity!" The intersection of humans completely froze the instant they heard the immense blast of sound that was the Royal Canterlot Voice. "Today, I arrive to offer you all salvation! Join me, and shed your - wait, where are you all going?" The frozen masses had all simultaneously turned and retreated from the scene with all possible haste. Xlestia stood there, stupefied, as the large crowd she had planned to impress with her appearance and speech disappeared. She stood there, mouth open and eyes blinking furiously, as within seconds there wasn't a single human in sight. Wait, scratch that, there was one left. He had absolutely no fur anywhere on him, and was wearing an outfit of some yellow synthetic material that was sure to have Rarity fainting if she ever saw it. He was scratching his head, looking up at her in slight confusion. Xlestia was completely dumbfounded. She had expected that humans might not react well to her appearance, but that mass panic had seemed... practised. "What just happened?" She asked, wings slowing down as she dropped gently to the ground, still blinking at the empty space where once was a tightly-packed crowd. To her slight surprise, the bald man answered her. "Well, ah, this area gets attacked by monsters a lot..." "Attacked by – I'm not a monster!" Xlestia was offended they would even think such a thing! The bald man tilted his head. "You aren't?" "No!" "Then..." The man tilted his head the other way. "...what are you?" "I am here to save these people from their foolish lives of needless hurt and suffering!" Xlestia glared down at the man. He wasn't short, but she could get some impressive height by leaning her long neck back. "Ah-ha!" The bald man cried, catching a fist in his other hand. "You're a political activist!" A millennium of practice at not reacting to idiocy was the only reason Xlestia managed to remain upright on her hooves. "I'm their saviour!" She corrected harshly. The man went back to tilting his head. "...so you're a hero?" "If you like." Why was she wasting her time with this moron again? She needed to find some other way to announce herself if simply appearing in the streets wasn't going to cut it. The man leaned back, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "So what do you do?" Xlestia, who had been turning to leave, paused. "What do I do?" "You know." The man crossed his arms again. "To save people." Xlestia arched an eyebrow. "I turn them into ponies." "Eh?" The man sounded very confused. "How does that help?" "It means they can forget their old life, and start a new one, a better one, in the magical land of Equestria." Xlestia placed a hoof on her chest and closed her eyes. She looked utterly sincere, and she was. "But..." The man spoke that incredibly annoying word. "doesn't that actually make you a terrible hero?" For a second, Xlestia's flowing mane changed from an aurora of light to an inferno of fire. Then she took a deep breath, and her hair settled back into it's normal form. With a very forced smile on her muzzle, she turned to face the man who had said that to her. "Why do you think that?" She said, voice dripping with artificial sweetness. "Being a hero means dealing with the problems at hand." The man pointed an accusing finger at Xlestia. "But deleting their save file and forcing them to play again from the start? That's giving up on saving them before you've even started!" The self-control holding back the fire in her hair instantly released. "You dare – " Xlestia growled. "I only do this as a hobby." The man said. "But even I know better than that. You sure you're ready for the big time?" Xlestia decided she'd had enough of listening to this man, and so teleported him halfway across town. Excessive? Actually, she thought she should be congratulated for her restraint - she'd been tempted to do far worse to him. Her hair calmed down, turning back to normal again. She was very nearly blown over by a sudden, intense gust of wind. "Hey hey hey! What was that for?!" Something in the clockwork of Xlestia's brain went -crunch-. She slowly turned around to look at the source of the voice. It was the same man she had just teleported miles away, standing on the other side of the street. He looked slightly out of breath, and was standing in the same direction the wind had come from. It was almost as though he had just run back to the square, in the span of a few seconds. Xlestia opened her mouth to demand he explain what in sanity's name was going on. "Awbegah?" Well, she tried anyway. The man stepped forward. "We weren't done talking. Where was I? Oh yeah! You really shouldn't call yourself a hero unless you mean it. It'll just get people confused." Rainbow Dash couldn't have made that distance in that time. Nopony could, without teleporting. Had... had this human just...? Wait. He was within two body-lengths of her now. His proximity sharpened her thoughts, allowing her speech to regain coherency. "Stop!" She commanded. The man complied, putting his hands on his hips. "Yeah, what?" Xlestia squinted at him, long and hard. "Are you... really a human?" "It that really so hard to believe?" The man complained, once again scratching his round, potato-looking head. "Yeah, I'm human." Xlestia looked him up and down. Then, carefully, she encased him in a glowing field of her own golden magic. Some ponies thought this was a time-stop spell, which was ridiculous. You couldn't have conversations with creatures that were frozen in time. Instead, she essentially held every part of her target's body still with telekinesis. The man continued to scratch his head. "Hey, what's this? You have psychic powers too? If you want to be a hero, why not just use that? I know two sisters who could give you tips if you need -" That tore it. However this man was fighting her, she needed to find out how and stop it. Like children, the humans would fight her over something that was actually good for them. So, as the 'adult' in this situation, it was her responsibility to keep the 'children' in line. Xlestia cancelled her spell. Then, she cast it again. Except that this time, she used the same telekinesis variant she used to move the sun across the sky. It was hopelessly overpowered - the sun was 333,000 times as massive as the planet on which she stood, but that level of telekinesis moved it easily. The really impressive part was how this spell didn't instantly crush the target. With him so contained, she could study him at her leisure - "Seriously, could you stop that now?" The man continued to scratch his head. Forget crunching noises, it sounded like someone had just smashed a cuckoo-clock inside her metaphorical skull. Xlestia's eyes stared directly ahead, waiting patiently for the delusions to go away and for reality to reassert itself. Saitama stepped forward, shattering the golden field. He opened his mouth to continue his rant against the not-monster, but closed it when he realised that she wasn't moving at all. Her eyes were focused on the point in space where his head had just been, her mouth slightly open. He waved his hand in front of her face. No response. He stood there a little while, then he shrugged. Her condition had improved greatly by the time the hospital ponies came to pick her up. She'd even started twitching. XCOM: Enemy Unknown (Not XCOM 2 continuity) Central Officer Bradford stepped off the XCOM base elevator. "I'm briefing the commander in half an hour." He said. "What have you got for me?" Dr Shen and Dr Vahlen glanced briefly at each other, then Shen stepped forward. "There's been a development in the Equestria situation." Bradford looked puzzled. "That isn't our problem." It had been agreed on by the Council that having the extremely secret organisation of X-COM handle the extremely public situation with the ponies was a recipe for trouble. It wasn't really practical for a politician to answer 'That's classified' to basic questions like: 'What is the government doing about this?'. "It is now." Vahlen corrected him. Bradford's eyes darted between the two officers. "The X-Rays?" He asked, using the nickname for the alien group X-COM had been founded to fight. Shen nodded, pressing a button that made the hologlobe swivel round and zoom in on Earth's newest continent. He pointed to a red 'X' on the holographic map. "They had a terror attack there, not four hours ago. Mutons and Chryssalids." Bradford's eyes focused on the hologlobe, his brow furrowed in thought. "I thought Equestria was protected?" "It is." Shen said, quite grave. "The aliens have once again displayed a new technology." Vahlen explained. "Some form of teleportation, I think. It was used to send troops inside the Barrier, and to retrieve them later." "But... what about this 'magical radiation' the Equestrians warned us about?" Things weren't adding up for Bradford. Vahlen snorted. "It was of no help, clearly." "That is, if it actually exists." Shen added. "Excuse me?" Bradford said. "Well, let's assume that the ponies are telling the truth, and that the Barrier is a natural phenomenon." Shen began to explain. "In that case, 'magical radiation' would function as they described: a radiation given off by 'magic' that is inherently harmful to any life-form that did not evolve in its presence." "Right..." "But doesn't that seem strange? If 'magical radiation' was a real phenomenon, then wouldn't we see harmful effects from the magic of the ponies themselves? For that matter, wouldn't the Conversion Serum kill a person even while converting them?" Bradford thought for a moment. "Maybe it's only dangerous in very concentrated amounts?" "We would expect to see some gradient between 'no harm' and 'disintegration'." Vahlen said. "Nature does not like working in binary." "...which would imply that it is an artificial effect." "Even if it is, it still makes no sense." Shen said. "Imagine you are setting up defences for your domain. Powerful, extensive, but energy-intensive defences. Would you add an extra layer of defence, potentially even more energy-intensive, that is only useful if your first defences have been breached?" "Yes." Bradford said immediately. "Would you have it active all the time?" "...no." "Regardless," Vahlen broke in. "This very attack proves that, once inside, materials foreign to Equestria suffer no immediate ill effects." Bradford looked up at the hologlobe again. "This... teleportation device would be a piece of alien technology?" "That is the current assumption." "Which, theoretically, we should be able to reverse-engineer as we have other artefacts." "Theoretically, yes." "So we could then also be moving materials and personnel inside Equestrian borders without the aid of the Conversion Bureau." "Indeed." Bradford smiled. "I'll tell the commander we have some good news for a change." "And if the Equestrian government objects to us violating their borders?" Shen asked. Bradford shrugged. "That'll be for the boys and girls in power armour to sort out. Now, come on. We need to capture one of these 'teleport' shuttles first." Worm Xlestia had one eye closed and stuck her tongue out, giving her full concentration to the task at hand. Putting Star Swirl's old theories on inter-dimensional travel into practice was proving a real challenge, even for one of her skill. Channelling enough magic to lift a mountain, but with enough precision to avoid crushing an eggshell, Xlestia cast her spell. With a loud -crack- and a bright flash, a hole appeared in space about the size of a thimble. Sitting back on her haunches, Xlestia wiped the sweat from her brow. She leaned left and right, examining her hoofdiwork from all angles; delighting in how the view changed. She had, indeed, poked a hole in space, even if a tiny one. Abruptly, the wall she was facing folded down to reveal a room which couldn't possibly exist on the other side, and a human woman in a suit stepped over into Xlestia's room. Xlestia would later say that she didn't really feel shock at the act, more frustration from being casually one-upped. "Don't." The woman said, striding forward. "I'm sorry?" Xlestia replied, tilting her head. She seemed to have skipped being shocked altogether and proceeded directly to being annoyed. "Your plan to meddle with lives that do not concern you. Don't." The woman elaborated, moving forwards like she owned the place. Xlestia narrowed her eyes, and dropped a forcefield in the middle of the room, blocking her path forward. The human didn't even slow down, stamping a foot on one of the floor tiles. The tile in question was directly under the forcefield, emerging on both sides. With the force of her stomp, the end of the tile on Xlestia's side rose up, and a pebble was flung up and into the Alicorn's left knee. Reflexively, Xlestia's left foreleg jerked, causing her body to fall forwards and slam into the table in front of her. Her concentration shattered, the forcefield dropped. The woman still hadn't broken stride. As the human passed her, Xlestia swiped at her with her hoof. The woman leaned slightly to the left, and the hoof missed her by a scant millimetre. As the Alicorn started to charge her horn again, the woman spoke. "We have enough problems with the inter-dimensional alien we already have. We don't need another one causing even more issues." Xlestia just gritted her teeth, forming her magic into a basic beam spell. Quick as a flash, the woman's right hand shot out: shoving the glowing horn in the direction of the bookshelf on the back wall. It happened so fast that Xlestia couldn't think quickly enough to avoid blasting her own manuscripts. The Solar Princess's lower jaw dropped as she watch her own fire consume the irreplaceable writings. The woman, having finally stopped moving, spoke once more. "I am Contessa. I see the Paths to Victory. And if you ever reach Earth Bet, I will kill you." Her piece said, and the Alicorn's work erased, Contessa turned and walked back through the Door to Cauldron Headquarters. Splatoon Anypony who knew them would tell you that Flim and Flam where as thick as thieves. (Usually right before they told you they were just plain thieves.) Wherever one was found, the other would not be far behind. As such, none of those ponies would be in the least bit surprised to find the two of them sitting in a boat in the deep ocean, holding a meeting with shady-looking folk in another boat. "This the stuff?" A grouchy old man with squid tentacles for hair (and beard) whispered horsy. "Of course, my courageous comrade!" Flim boasted loudly. "Call us cut-throats, Capt'n Cuttlefish, but we couldn't conceive not cutting a man of your condition a – " Flam continued, only for their customer to clamp his clammy hand over their cake holes. "I told you to cut that out!" He hissed. Flim wormed out from under the old Inkling's grip. "You said we couldn't sing." "Do you have it?" Cuttlefish persisted. "Right here!" Flam pulled back a tarp to reveal several dozen paint cans. Flim pried one of the cans open, and Cuttlefish stuck two fingers inside, rubbing paint between his fingers. "This is real?" He demanded. "Genuine Equestrian paint, just like you wanted." Flam placed a forehoof on the captain's shoulders. "Though, we were confused." Flim placed his own forehoof on Cuttlefish's other shoulder. "Downright intrigued, even." Flam continued. "Why is it so important that the paint come from Equestria?" The two brothers finished together, identical perplexed expressions on their faces. Cuttlefish looked up from the paint, shrugging. "Everything from here gets washed away by that out-of-control spin cycle of yours." He said, nodding his head in the general direction of Equestria. "But your own paint should be fine, right?" Ohhhh. Flim and Flam shared a look. He wanted to make some paintings that wouldn't get washed away by the Barrier. That made sense, they thought, collecting their payment. But then, why had Princess Celestia made it illegal to sell paint to these guys? Xlestia had come down to see the lines of new-foals entering Equestria. That was all. Just sating her curiosity as to how things were going. Instead, she found herself staring at the entrance point, facial muscles straining to escape her control and display her fury to the world. A long trail of paint had been spattered on the ground on both sides of the Barrier, one long trail leading from one side to the other. A line of the natives - Inklings, Xlestia remembered - were lining up, as was the plan. But they weren't lining up to drink the Serum. Oh no. Instead, they each jumped into the air, tuned into a squid, and dived down into the ink, as though it somehow wasn't two-dimensional. 'Holding their breath' under the surface on the paint meant that despite swimming 'under' the Barrier, at no point was any part of them accessible to the Barrier. They were 'inside' the paint, but not in a way that made logical sense. And since the paint was, itself, Equestrian, the Barrier did nothing to it. One Inkling splashed paint on her face as he ran past, giggling as he went. One of Xlestia's eyes began twitching.