//------------------------------// // The Storm Within // Story: The Beginning // by Nicolasmandias //------------------------------// The Storm Within How was she supposed to be feeling? Everything was just so… so… well… she couldn’t put her hoof on it. On one side, the night had been amazing, she had conquered the small theatre; every pony loved her show and while she had been on top of that scenario she had felt great and powerful as she was supposed to feel. This was, after all, the triumph she had been expecting to have in the city that had seen her worst, and it had been… even if it was in only one of the small theaters of Hoofington, she still should feel proud of herself, the Great and Powerful Trixie had returned… But on the other side, she knew she was none of that, if she was great and powerful as her title mentioned, then she wouldn’t have that old newspaper laying next to her proving her failure. No, if she was as great or as powerful as she made her crowds believe then there would be no crying families on the newspaper, and the graveyard of Prairieville wouldn’t be receiving three new ‘guests’… Letting an angry grunt escape her mouth, she threw the paper across the small dressing room and took a sit in front of the mirror, suddenly not able to look at the mare sitting just in front of her. “Damn it…” she said, feeling a small tear come down her cheek. It had been two weeks since she had been to Prairieville, and she still wasn’t able to sleep well at night, even now that she was so far away from the small town. Those three lives she had failed to save were still a big black ball pushing her chest, a feeling she hadn’t been able to leave behind; And how could she anyways? It was only fair that she was suffering this much by a mistake she herself had made… ‘No, no… it wasn’t my mistake…’ she thought. How much of that was true? She didn’t knew, but Princess Luna at least had said so, she had tried her best, run as fast as her hooves allowed her… she had done her best, she knew that, but it still made her feel terrible. In only one night those ponies had lost everything with the fire, and she had also been burnt by it, everything she had regained in these past months seemed to have been turned to ashes… “How can I bring joy to my audience if I can find it in myself…” she asked out loud. From deep inside of her, came a thought ‘But that is not the heart of the matter, is it?' And there it was again, that weight on her chest, the feeling she had been trying to name, the feeling that, as she had tried to convince herself, was there for the loss of those lives… yet deep down she knew that didn’t cut it, she knew that it was not the lives lost that weighted on her chest, it was the failure. She was being terribly selfish over such a sensitive matter, and that is what bothered her. It was truly a fight within herself, her past and her present, what she used to be against what she was trying to become. She remembered what she used to be like. A selfish obnoxious mare that cared for herself and herself only, a mare that tried to prove everypony worse than her just for the fun of it, a mare that lived on the road, with no family to go to and no place to call home. Sure that was the way of the gypsies, but still. She used to call that life, hungry for applause and greatness, always boasting herself, talking in third person, trying to prove herself better than any other pony. She was arrogant, egocentric, obnoxious, and a jerk; she thought back then that she was a pony to be looked at, a mare that turned every gaze as she walked by, she was the great and powerful Trixie after all, a show stopper… well, that last thought might still be right and well founded. But everything else was a mistake, thinking back to all of that she didn’t really knew how it had happened, Melquiades hadn’t taught her to be like that… “Melquiades…” she said, perhaps a little too melancholic, and the strange feeling in her gut became heavier. Had Melquiades seen her like she used to be, the mare she had become after his passing; obnoxious and arrogant, a mare that went from having fame and a name, to being homeless and desperate, living on the streets, steeling food and complaining for a misery she had brought upon herself. She wondered what would have he said if he had seen her in that small cell the Princess had found her in, summed in a pathetic and desperate state. She knew that Melquiades would have been disappointed, heartbroken… because in that moment, when she was living in the streets, she had hit rock bottom… and she was no more the caring little filly he had raised, but instead that disaster of a mare she had built for herself. She had made of her life a failure back then, in her heart she knew she had insulted everything the old stallion had done for her, back in that cell she knew that she had trashed all the love he had given her… and that feeling overwhelming her heart. Because back in that cell, she realized that she had not repaid him at all, and that in her past life she hadn’t done a thing for him to be proud of her… and it had felt so great to finally be doing something to change that, for that chance only she would always be thankful of the Princess. She could never say what truly made her accept the princess’s deal, but of what she still felt certain about, was that it had been the best decision she had made so far. Was it just for escaping that dreadful place? Or was it to change her life and do something good with her time on this earth? Perhaps a way to repay the old stallion by following the ideals he had tried to teach her… she didn’t really knew whatever reason made her do it, but she had certainly filled her expectations… it had changed her life, and she truly felt she was repaying him for everything; and she had made sure to put her best on doing so. And there something clicked inside of her. Collecting her thoughts, searching her feelings, Trixie knew what was within herself, and the though made her sick and angry. She thought that these past months of working under the Princess’s guide had changed her, made her a new mare that could do well and perform her art not for the applause but for the smiles she gave… but apparently it wasn’t the case; because what hurt the most about losing those lives, was the failure of her power… sure, she had been overwhelmed for not being able to help those ponies, but deep down she knew that what had really been hurt, was her pride… a characteristic of the mare she had been trying to put behind, and apparently had failed to do so. In an angry movement she swept the top of the table in front of her, throwing bottles and makeup kits to the floor. Was that why she was doing it? To feed the pride of that mare she used to be? It seemed that she had never been able to leave her behind, and this time she really thought she had made a difference, that she had changed… yet that mare still was breathing inside of her… “Hey Trixie!” came a voice from the other side of her door. She just allowed a small grunt to tell the stallion she was listening “there are these kids outside that want to meet you… and well, their parents are well known here so, yeah, they will be here soon, sorry…” Just great! Inside the small room was an almost shattered mare and now they were sending in some kids! Slowly and lazily she began to lift the things she had thrown across the room, and started cleaning herself up. She would have to pull a fake face and attitude to receive those little ponies… she looked in the mirror, what a disaster she saw, a mare lost within herself… “I deserve this…” she said bluntly, if she was still that mare she had tried to leave behind then perhaps she truly deserved everything that was happening. She tried to focus in cleaning herself up; she needed to look good for her admirers. After all perhaps that would be the only thing she would be left with “… I’m not who I want to be, am I? No… I should just stick to the show, that’s what I’m good at… I was fooling myself when I tried to play hero… I should have stayed in that prison…” And she thought about giving up… not on her shows, but on the only important thing she had done in her life; yet a small cling in her hoof reminded her that she couldn’t, she had a debt with the Princess and that small bracer in her leg was a reminder of that; she couldn’t run away from that duty. Ever since that disastrous presentation in Ponyville her life went on a downfall, going from town to town trying to rebuild her act, wasting the last bits she had in a journey that only led her to the streets. When Princess Luna had found her, she was in a small Prison in Hoofington, after being condemned to stay in for a long time, under charges of stealing and assault; it was the end of the line for her, she knew it, but then Princess Luna offered her a chance, to get out of prison and do some good for Equestria helping others and doing things no pony was ready or willing to. It had been a complicated decision, yet she had accepted it, of course, and as the Princess had pointed out, she didn’t had much of a chance; it was staying in prison for years or going out and serve the Princess. It was for these kind of things that she wasn’t sure of her reasons for accepting it, but the over all of it was that she was in it for the change, a change in her life. And it had helped her, she felt renewed; even if the responsibility that was put on her shoulders by the Princess was too big for one mare to handle, she still wanted it, and even if right now she was just thinking about giving it up, she didn’t really wanted to. This problem between the heavy responsibilities versus the gaining’s of her new duties was making her even more confused. On one side she had the reasons to give up, it was a task to big for one pony alone, and apparently it was feeding the pride of the mare she was trying to burry… but still she wanted to push forward, to play hero, become the good and not just the ugly… but the same time giving up seemed good, and yet it didn’t… “Oh Trixie; whatever will you do with your life...” she sighted, and cleaned her face with one of the towel they had given her, burying her face in it, hitting the table with a loud thud “this is ridiculous! I change from being angry to being sad, from having pity for myself to thinking of the irony and how stupid I am for thinking this! Trixie against dark Trixie against the world that hates me! Oh wait… that was a ridiculous thought… oh come on!” She banged her head against the table once again, continuing her grunt against the towel, until a knock on the door told her she would need to postpone her angry mumble. At least, she thought, it was a little break from facing her problems. “Do come in!” she said doing her best to regain her theatricality. Not really knowing what to expect, she just tried to hide away her feelings. The door opened in a blast, and soon enough Trixie found herself on the ground being restrained by four little hooves. She heard laughter, and even if she couldn’t tell who it was it still sounded welcoming, she also heard older ponies giving apologies. Her head was still spinning after being tackled, while two foals were still holding her in the ground. “Trixie! You were amazing! Wow that thing you did with the lights and the fireworks!” said one of the foals, and Trixie remembered she knew that voice, and how it used to annoy her. Oh, how had she missed that voice. “Yes! And when she lifted that Old Stallion and turned him into a bunny! Trixie you are so powerful!” said the other, a little filly, her little filly. “And great!” said the first one, a colt, no, the one and only little colt. The foals released her from their grasp, waiting for her to react, but she didn’t really knew how, having a rush of feelings going through her chest. It took her a minute to realize all that was happening, two foals in the ground in front of her and at the door a Stallion and a Mare that looked familiar. The memories of the little ponies in front of her came rushing to her mind, it was them, the foals that in a way or the other had led her to the place she was now in, it was them who had brought her all these problems, so she did the only thing she felt like doing, she hug and squeezed her little friends like she should have done since she had found them in the streets. “See, she does remember you sweeties” said the mare that was with them, as the kids returned her embrace. “Oh my little angels, how glad I am to see you again!” she said holding them closer. After a time that seemed to short for her, they let go and started wondering around the small room. Trixie put her hat on the head of the small pink filly, as her brother, a young blue unicorn, put on her cape “how are you two? It’s been so long since I last saw you, what happened afterwards? Oh wow, you have grown a few inches huh, by the way where are you living now?” “Please miss, be calm” said the stallion that was with the foals, something in the back of her memory clicked with him, but she could just place him somewhere “I don’t believe we’ve met, I am…” “Uncle Ono!” interrupted the filly. “And she is Aunt May!” “Yes Twinkle” said Ono, eyeing her nice “Anyway miss Trixie, we came here to thank you, for taking care of them, and well, for helping in our reunion” “I… well it was nothing really…” Answered Trixie a little embarrassed as Twinkle hugged her. “Oh it sure was!” shouted the little colt. “Wizzle is right miss, if it weren’t for you… well, those streets would’ve taken them away from us, perhaps forever” said the mare, giving a few steps inside the room “for that we will ever be thankful. Oh and don’t worry, they are under our care now. You see, we were able to adopt them, being their family it was easier, besides the adoption lady ended up being a customer at our restaurant…” “Oh, so that’s where I knew you from… you are that waiter that chased us after we stole things from the kitchen” Said Trixie, putting two and two together, remembering those days when she had resigned to being followed by the foals “sorry about that by the way...” “Oh yes I remember, I was really shocked after seeing that you were with my nephews. I looked for hours after that, but you were gone.” “Good times!” said Wizzle, causing a collective laughter “uncle by the way, why do you work as a waiter if you own the restaurant?" “I think its fun, besides it gives me a better chance to know our customers, and after you went missing it helped to ask for the two of you…” “How did that… hey Twinkle don’t do… that” and there was a big stain of powder in the wall that Trixie would have to clean later, the filly just smiled and apologized returning to her wondering around helping her brother investigate one of Trixie’s chest of goodies. Trixie just smiled at the sight, feeling so glad that they everything had turned out right. “Anyway, how did that happen? How did they end up in the streets?” “well… after my brother and his wife died, these two… well, just went missing… now they say that they were really scared after the house fell to the ground and they just run away” said Ono. “when we got there after the accident, we only found the ruins of the house, and we feared the worst for these two… it was only until the police found nothing… else… on the ruins that we realized that they were missing, and by then we had lost track… lucky for every pony, you found them and took them under your care…” added May. The kids hugged Trixie again, and for the first time in a long time, she felt her chest lighter. “So, Trixie, how long will you be staying in the city?” asked Twinkle. “’cause we thought that perhaps you could teach us magic!” shouted Wizzle. “No! We have to take her out! To the restaurant! And a sleepover back home” said Twinkle, grabing hold on one of Trixie’s legs. “Yes! You have to see our new home! It’s so beautiful, and the food is so yummy!” Said Wizzle jumping around. He then slowly turned around, exchanging glances with his sister, and in an almost quiet voice, as only for her to hear it, he added “and perhaps… you’d like to come with us and see our parents… I’m sure they’d like to meet you; we’ve told them so much about you…” “I…” she looked down, both foals staring at her wide eyed, she tough her heart was melting, and after sharing a glance with their uncles; she nodded “it would be an honor my little angels…” “And it will be ours to receive you” said May smiling happily at her and the foals. “By the way, I thought we were your little demons! That’s what you called us when we raided the city!” Said Twinkle, bouncing around, still wearing her hat. “Raided the city? We weren’t such criminals… and… well, you see, I’ve been through a lot lately. And you two, well were the turn point in my life, back then you were a burden I had to carry” she said squeezing both their head like she used to, the kids laughed. And holding them closer in a hug she added “but now… now I realize you helped turn my life around… so you are my angels see?” “Are we now?” asked Wizzle, boasting a little. “Yes, but the Great and Powerful Trixie also received great help from others, so don’t get cocky” she said. After that, the five of them started talking and laughing and arranging plans for the following days. And Trixie felt again happy and calm inside, she felt her eyes watery and that itchy feeling in her nose, she was truly in debt with these two and with whomever had made sure that the destiny of the little foals had crossed with hers, taking both paths to a brighter future. -.- It had been a few hours since she had said goodbye to her friends, and now Trixie was sitting in the small hotel room she had rented in the city, thinking about the day. Looking at everything from a different point of view, she laughed at the attitude she had been carrying the past days, perhaps it had been a process she needed to go through, perhaps it would prove that all that time she spent questioning herself actually helped her finally moving forward. She needed to put things in perspective, to realize a few things. To begin with, playing hero and helping the princess make of Equestria a better place. Now she knew what her position in the subject was, and finally found a reason to her decision and her future actions. She would do it for her, for Melquiades and for her little angels; there was no other reason, besides given a hoof back at the Princess for keeping her out of jail. This Knowledge brought her peace, because now she knew what it meant to do what she was doing, helping Equestria to help herself become a better mare, a mare that would deserve friends and a mentor like Melquiades, and she would also fight to make Equestria a safe place for her little angles and many other ponies live happy, yes, that was her motives, helping others to help herself. And those lives that were lost would become her private burden, motivating her to push harder. On a second note, she learned that her past self, the obnoxious and selfish mare, would have to remain, it was a part of her (it was her past anyway) and she needed to learn how to live with it. On a side note the show stopping ability of that Trixie was a plus for her shows, so she would eventually come to a middle term with herself. Besides in the worst times of her life, she had found compassion in a heart that according to her was cold as it could be, cold and presumptuous, those foals were a prove that hope was there for everypony. “At last!” she said out loud “calm and tranquility for me! For Trixie! Hahaha. Oh now it’s a perfect time for a bath” Yet an all too familiar twinkle in the lights of the room told her she would have mail. And sure soon after a few seconds on twinkling lights a blue scroll appear in front of her. “Oh Princess, you’ve got to be kidding me, it’s four in the morning!” she said a little annoyed, she wasn’t ready to go out and become the hero just yet “sure, nice way of becoming a new mare Trixie… fine, let’s see what this is about… I would just wish that for once I would get help with these duties and… oh!” Opening the scroll, Trixie found an all too welcoming message from the Princess. Dear Trixie: Upon the circumstances of our last talk, it come to my attention the real need that you have for a partner to accompany you on your duties, I would truly wish that I could be the one helping you, for I dislike others to fight my battle, but you know the position I am in, concealed within the walls of the castle. So, I gave myself the task of finding a companion for you, and luckily I have. His name is Macintosh Apple, from Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville. I know you are familiar with the small town, so perhaps you have met. I am still expecting an answer from him, but I believe that he will help us; you see, from a small talk I had with him a few minutes ago I found out that, like us, he believes that the face of our kingdom needs a few changes and that the balance is at risk. Surprisingly he understood the complex game that chaos and harmony play and how it affects our world (must I say, he understood faster than you did). As you can see he seems like just the candidate that we need, that Equestria needs, oh, and he is in a similar situation like yours, I got him out of jail here in Canterlot, and for fighting my nephew nonetheless! Anyhow Trixie, I hope this turns out all right. On other note, I really hope that you are doing better; I know you were troubled earlier this week, and that this ghosts hunts you, but please you must get through. These ghosts are parts of us, parts that we like it or not must carry; if we wish to move on we must accept our past and our burdens. I still find it hard to live with my past, for you to see I understand your position, but I, no, we need to move forward, I know you have seen what we are facing, this game oh balance is getting more complex, and now more than ever we need to stand strong. If it helps at all, I need you, and I believe you can do whatever it is you make it your goal. Yours Truly: Princess Luna.