//------------------------------// // CHAPTER: C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A. doesn't like chapters. They confuse C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A.. So every chapter will now be redone. C.E.L.S.T.I.A. says you will like this. // Story: PARANOIA:EQUESTRIA // by Opium4TmassS //------------------------------// EQUESTRIA FUN FACT: Nineteen squirrels, Three monkeys, Five Donkeys and a Turtle named Fred, form the core to C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A. right backup memory emergency system. It might have been a dark and stormy night. It might have been a bright and sunny day. It might have been a day with floating kittens from a higher dimension destroying all life as we know it. It was hard to tell what kind of day it was in Equestria. Being deep underground in the Ponyville complex, where all pony life now resides under the benevolent eye of the Master Computer C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A.. The best computer EVER! And I'm not just saying this because she has very dangerous weapons pointed at me as I write this story. In one room off in the department of Rainbows and Sunshine. Six sleeping ponies were contained in various containers forming a semicircle in the room. Except for the constant whirling of machines running constantly, their was no other sound. Slowly the lights began to flicker on as the room began to become alive. Generators began to spin, computers started to boot up. Their was the sound of someone one saying "Oops!" as several ponies ran screaming from the room when small fire erupted. The preventative maintenance special operations team, once again prevented the maintenance from doing its job. After a few moments the room went silent again as everything turned itself off. This continued for several more minutes, until a rather nervous pony entered. Wild-eyed he scanned around, looking for anything dangerous as he crept further and further in the room, until he approached the console in-between the sleeping ponies. Gathering his courage he gave the computer a swift kick before running out of the room. The excitement was broken by nothing actually exciting happening. After a short while the pony entered again. Grumbling to himself he walked over the same console to give it another swift kick. Unfortunately he picked that time to spontaneously combust. Which is a strange phenomenon that happens quite regularly in Equestria. This phenomenon has nothing to do with that smoking laser cannon attached to the ceiling that cannot distinguish friend from foe. C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A. said it was so. So it must be true. After a few more excitingly unexciting minutes the laser cannon fell from the ceiling and shattered to the ground near the console giving the kick it needed to activate. Once again the room came to life. Slowly the pod doors opened with a small hiss of gasses escaping as the six ponies exited the cloning pod. "What happened?" Asked Twilight Sparkle, clone number: 5,463,281. As she yawned and stretched. "We all died again," replied Rarity, clone number: 5,078,898. Emerging from her cloning pod, "stupid malfunctioning burner did it." "Thank goodness being C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A.'s top troubleshooters has granted us unlimited clones," said Fluttershy clone number: 3,688,755, "Most other ponies have to make do with six." "Well if you ask me, I wonder if that would be such a bad thing," said Applejack, clone number 5,789,936, "I'm not sure if I'm liking this continuously dying and then coming back with all the memories of your last death." Their was a bright red flash as Applejack chose that time to spontaneously combust as well, leaving a small pile of ash where she once stood. Their was the a dinging sound as Applejack's pod opened up again. "I take it back! I take it back!" Said Applejack, clone number: 5,789,937 rapidly, "I have no problems with that. I am eager to serve C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A. as an Element of harmony troubleshooter at any time. "I just want to know one thing," said Rainbow Dash, clone number: 8,432,112, "Just where are those evil Luna mutant sympathizers, and where do I point my weapons?" "Cupcake?" offered Pinkie Pie, clone number: 21,643,669, to Rainbow Dash as she stepped out of her clone tube holding a cupcake in her hoof. "Why are you always asking me that?" Asked Rainbow Dash, "For the last time the answer is no." "Please stop trying to offer Rainbow cupcakes Pinkie," said Twilight rubbing her temple, "we still haven't found the clone from that one time when she took you up on that offer." "I'm sure she's around here somewhere," said Pinkie all smiles, "oh I wonder what Super Duper mission C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A. will have us do today?" "As long as it is fashionable I'm up for it," said Rarity, "you can always spot the evil Luna mutant sympathizers or E.L.M.S.. They have the worst taste in fashion." "I'm just happy they let me take A.N.G.E.L. with me," said Fluttershy holding a white fluffy weapon of mass destruction. Their are no words to describe the lethal appearance of it. But it did have rabbit ears on it, if that helps any. "I wouldn't know what I'd do with myself without him," she continued on squeezing the weapon harder. Their was a loud pop as the weapon fired off a round that hit the ceiling with a rather impressive light display. "Fluttershy," said Twilight while parts of the ceiling gently floated to the ground around her. "What did we tell you about the safety catch?" "Sorry Twilight. I promise it wont happen again." "That's what you said last time," retorted Applejack, "remember when you destroyed Section Eight? You promised you wouldn't..." her sentenced was hard to hear as she chose that moment to spontaneously combust a second time. Their was a loud ding as the cloning pod opened up once again. "STOP THAT!" Yelled Applejack, clone number: 5,789,938, to Fluttershy. "I'm sorry I just can't help it," said Fluttershy as she grasped A.N.G.E.L. even tighter. "He's just ssssooooo huggable." The other five, with surprising speed hit the ground in unison. Waiting for the whatever part of the room she will destroy happen. They were all hoping it wasn't the one they were lying down on. "Good Morning all," came a motherly voice overhead, "are we all ready to have fun today." "Good morning C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A.. Yes C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A.." They said in unison. "Who is all ready for some fun today?" Asked the computer. "We are C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A." "You know who doesn't like fun?" "The evil Luna mutant sympathizers." "And?" "Ponies who don't listen to you C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A. " "Good! Good! Now we have a fun filled mission of the utmost urgency for you," said C.E.L.E.S.T.I.A. happily. "Is it going to be one of those fate of Equestria hangs in the balance mission?" Asked Pinkie Pie. "What is your security clearance citizen?" "Umm red." "I'm sorry that information is unavailable at your security clearance," said the computer as she continued, "now you need to head to the briefing room as fast as possible. The fate of Equestria hangs in the balance." "Yes computer," they all said in unison. "Great," said Rarity pouting, " I don't have anything to wear for those kinds of mission. I suppose I should stop by the boutique and whip up something." "This will be awesome," said Rainbow Dash excitedly, "I bet I destroy more E.L.M.S. than anyone else." "Cupcake?" Offered Pinkie to Rainbow Dash. "Sure," said Rainbow Dash as she took the treat and ate it. "Okay girls we need to get ourselves organized and move out," said Twilight Sparkle, "Pinkie you take point. Applejack your recon. Rarity." "I get to kill something for a change?" Asked Rarity. "No I want you to go with Aj, If you meet any E.L.M.S. I want to make it fashionable, then we'll kill it. Everyone ready? Rainbow Dash? RAINBOW DASH!" Rainbow Dash hovered their as she slipped into unconsciousness. "Pinkie what did I say about giving Rainbow Dash cupcakes," yelled Twilight. "Sorry Twilight." Rainbow fell back down to the ground with a crash, except she missed the ground and hit Fluttershy instead. In shock Fluttershy accidently powered up A.N.G.E.L.. Twilight watched in fear as the white glow from A.N.G.E.L. grew brighter and brighter. "Correction," said Twilight Sparkle, "Once our clones are activated we move out." The white glow enveloped the entire room as everything in it suddenly decided to spontaneously combust. Just one of those things.