It’s cold. A small part of me wonders if I should have grabbed a scarf before heading out, but I quickly dismiss the thought. Even if I had, it would have fallen apart by now, torn to shreds by the harsh wind. Nothing of quality has been made in a long time, after all. And everything from before, well, the fire it was burned in would be nice right now.
I wince as a loud growl sounds above the wind, then relax as I find its source. My stomach has been noisy lately. I suppose it shouldn’t be any surprise. When was the last time I ate a decent meal? Longer than I care to count. It wasn’t supposed to matter. We were supposed to adjust.
My stomach growls again, and I wonder how long I have been waiting. Days? Weeks? Time seems to have lost meaning to me. Worry begins to gnaw at my insides but I shove it away. It won’t change anything. It’s much too late for regret.
The sounds of the portal opening distract me from my regrets. A weak smile graces my lips. At least I got one thing right.
The map appears before the mares do, the ponies falling down shortly after. They’re farther away than I had anticipated, so I drag my weary bones to my hooves and start towards them. The wind is more powerful when I stand, and although I stumble, I do not stop. I have to make it to them.
I see them more clearly now, despite the wind blowing grit in my eyes. I try to chuckle despite my situation but lack the strength. I’d forgotten what well-fed ponies look like. Their voices reach my ears a few moments before I do.
“-don’t know anything about me! I was perfectly happy before you and your friends ruined what I built!” I had forgotten the arrogance of a pony who thought they could change the world as well.
“This is what you built,” I say, my voice too weak to be heard by the other mares. I swallow hard, voice catching on the arid air. When was my last drink of water? I ignore the sandpaper in my throat and push on.
I lose track of their conversation but somehow know exactly who is going to say what, a memory I never had but always did. I know what is coming next without being able to put words to it and force myself to run.
I tackle her just before she raises herself into the air. For a few moments after we land in a tangled pile, it seems as though even the wind stops. Twilight is the first to find her voice.
“St-Starlight?”
I only cough weakly, my legs collapsing when I try to raise myself to my feet. My other self, the one from the right timeline, scrambles away from me and stares in horror. I know she’s counting my ribs, trying to wrap her mind around how clear they are. The memory is both hers and mine, but I am too weak to think about that.
A scaled, purple claw holds a flask of water to my lips, and I drink thankfully. I drain the flask and lay panting for a few moments more. I hadn’t realized how much that sprint would take from me. I guess I never saw the long term effects.
Twilight helps me sit up, my double still staring a few paces away. I nod my thanks and try to gather my words.
I had so long to plan. Funny how you never know what to say when the moment arrives.
Again, it is Twilight who breaks the silence.
“What happened?”
Starlight looks back at me and we lock eyes before I speak. “I won.” I let lose a dry chuckle at their shocked faces, only to flinch back when my other self charges at me.
“What do you mean, you won?” she spits at me. “I was creating a utopia, not this! How did this happen?”
Twilight gestures for her to calm down but she has already fallen silent, waiting for my response.
“I won,” I repeat, then hold up a hoof. “Let me explain. I owe you that much.” I cough again, and see Spike reach into his bag for another flask. I turn it away with a hoof.
“Rainbow still performed her Rainboom. A little later than originally, but soon enough for the six of you to get your cutie marks together,” I nod to Twilight. “And so things happened as they should. Nightmare, Discord, Chrysalis, all of them were defeated. Twilight became a Princess and then the map sent the six of you to my town.” I chuckle again, this time bitterly. I try to spit but lack the saliva. Spike offers me the water again, but I know it won’t matter anymore. I swallow instead and keep talking.
“I had learned from my mistakes, though, from memories I never had but knew anyway. So Fluttershy didn’t catch me with my real cutie mark. I convinced her to stay in my town, that it was the best for everypony. I eventually convinced the others too. Yes, even you, Twilight.” She had sat down at some point, jaw slightly unhinged as she tries to wrap her head around this new dystopia she has found herself in. Starlight is watching me too, her expression torn between hope of her dream coming true and fear as to how it became this. “I’m not proud of what I did to convince you, though I was at the time. Rainbow’s screams as I cut off her wings, Rarity’s face as I burned her boutique-”
“What?” Twilight cut across me, eyes widening in disbelief. “But how? You never had enough influence to get out of those mountains, let alone all the way to Ponyville!”
“Twilight, you have to understand, I won in this timeline. I took over everything. I had the Princesses’ cutie marks. I won.”
“No!” Both of us turn to stare at Starlight as she shouts in anger, Twilight jumping slightly as though she had forgotten we weren’t alone. “You’re lying! This isn’t what was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be a utopia. This is a wasteland.” She spits the last word with a venom I wish I could still summon.
“I’m not lying. I, we, were simply mistaken. Ponies starved when farmers could no longer grow crops. The meager food that was grown was made inedible by chefs who couldn’t cook. Other ponies froze from the harsh weather that nopony could control. Houses collapsed with nopony who could properly build them, epidemics broke free with no doctors to fight them. I realized my fault, but it was too late.” I cough again, voice wavering. When I raise my head back up, all three are looking at me in horror. I lock eyes with myself again, directing my next words to her and myself. “You wanted to build a world where everypony is equal.
“We’re all equal in death.”
Silence, but for the howling wind. I lay down, no longer having strength to hold myself up.
“By the time I knew what I had done, I couldn’t change it. I don’t understand how time travel works, not when it comes to my own counterparts and memories, at least not fully. But I remembered. I remembered this meeting. I set out to find this place so I could fix our past.” I pull my eyes open and lift them to find my own face in front of me. “Please,” I beg, “please. Starlight Glimmer, look around. This is the utopia I created. Don’t let it be the one you create as well.” My eyes close again, voice falling out with the last word. It doesn’t matter. There is nothing left for me to say.
Over the wind, I once again hear the sounds of the portal coming to life.
It only takes a few seconds for my memories to start to fade. I know without knowing that a me that is not me is making the right choice, then I forget even that.
My name is Starlight Glimmer. I don’t know where I am, or why. But somehow, I know that I just did something right for the first time in a very long time.