//------------------------------// // The Private Lives of Celestia and Luna // Story: Applejacked // by Gregory the Mighty //------------------------------// The Private Lives of Celestia and Luna by Haze proofread by Invizibilit3 Celestia arrived on the mid-balcony of the palace, and immediately broke into a gallop. She pushed past all of her staff and consorts and ran into her bedroom, crying. Luna herself had just arrived to start her night shift. She had her coffee floating about her and a copy of the Canterlot Herald underwing. The plan to give a simple greeting in passing was blown out of the water. She passed by the door to her sister’s chambers to hear the wailing of a school filly. “Sister?” Sobs were the only sounds. “Sister? Are you alright?” Again, only sobs. Luna thought it would be better to just leave well enough alone and let the princess sort out her feelings by herself. But it had been centuries since she had heard such moans from her sister. If she left now and didn’t investigate, she would never hear the end of it. She stepped inside her sister’s bedroom and placed her coffee and paper on the vanity. She walked over to the bed where her sister was face first in her pillow. “C’mon. We’re alone. You can tell me all about it.” Still nothing but sobs. It was apparent the worst scenario was upon her. Princess Luna would have to use... physical contact to console her sister. Luna raised her hoof above the whimpering princess. With much hesitation she put the hoof down on the back of her sobbing sister. “There there.” Finally the sobs subsided. Celestia was starting to become intelligible. “Luna, it was just awful.” “Now, dear sister. What happened that was so terrible?” “Twilight Sparkle slept with my ex.” * * * It was just after their trip to Funspot, Spike had offered to spend the night over at Rarity’s. Twilight had just started sleeping with Discord that weekend, but she wanted to have a little more elbow room to work with. Having her own room in a tiny cabin in the woods was nice, but it was weird for her to do those sorts of things with her boyfriend while others were sleeping in the next room. As such, she invited him in for ‘coffee’. Before long they were making out on Twilight’s bed. “Mmm. Y’know, dear. I appreciate you turning into a pony during our... special time... but I’d like to experience the real you. Do you think we could make love to Discord tonight?” Discord’s eyes lit up. “Now that’s the spirit!” With a puff of magic, the blue unicorn had been replaced by a large draconequus. Twilight found herself straddling the neck of a large dragon laying across her bed. “Oh my! What do I do?” “Easy as pi. No different than before, really. Like falling off a bicycle.” Discord gave her instructions. “You just need to slide a little lower... Little lower... Keep going... Little more.... Little more... and boom goes the dynamite!” Just then the door swung open. It was Princess Celestia. “I’m sorry for dropping by so suddenly, but I was in the neighborHELLOOO!!!” Twilight was caught red hooved. “Princess! I can explain! I … tripped.” The ruler of Equestria was not amused. “Tripped?! I find you on top of the Lord of Chaos and you say you tripped?” “Hey, Don’t judge her! We’re in love!” demanded Discord. “This is not love! This is trickery! Discord is incapable of love!” spat Celestia. “That’s not what you thought when we were dating! You are so spiteful!” cracked Discord. Twilight was curled in a ball in the corner. She was in no condition to be arguing with anypony at the moment. “That’s a lie! You dated every friend I’ve had for a century! Just to get back at me! You’re the spiteful one!” “You’re just a sore loser. I won Twilight’s heart before you could, and it’s just eating you up inside!” “Y-you what?!” said Celestia. She reeled back, as if she had been struck with a spear. Discord continued his attacks. “As I remember it, I’m the victim here. You kicked me to the curb when I proposed. You said I was a ‘loose canon’ and ‘not marriage material’. I never did anything to you!” “Excuse me? What about that incident in Manehattan?” “I’m sorry, my dear, but it’s just like my grandmother told me on her deathbed. Condoms break.” Celestia snorted. She had had enough. “Twilight Sparkle! From now on, you are no student of mine!” With a mighty stomp, thunder and rain fell from the sky. The ground shook. Celestia stormed out the door. Twilight followed her out into the wet darkness, but it was too late. * * * As she finished her tale of woe, Princess Celestia buried her face in her pillow again. Luna was not amused. “Really? That’s it? It’s true Discord is a wanted criminal, but because he was your ex?! That was centuries ago! Twilight wasn’t even born then. How can you expect her to know such private things? Perhaps if you were more open with your star pupil, things like this wouldn’t happen! And of all ponies in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle is the last one you should be allowed to be cross with!” Celestia recoiled. She hadn’t been put in her place in eons. She now felt ashamed of her actions. Luna grimaced. “You’re not the only one who suffers for her immortality. I fell in love too. She was a humble apple farmer from Ponyville. Pure and perfect, living off the sweat of her own brow. When she showered me with her meager bounty, I fell for her. But I knew our love was not to be, so after our third date, I left. I haven’t seen her since.” “I-I’m sorry.” “Twilight Sparkle’s the one who needs an apology.” With that, Luna grabbed her coffee mug and newspaper and trotted out of the room. She slammed the door behind her. As much as it pained her to yell at her sister, it did feel somewhat satisfying. Princess Celestia dried her tears and reached for her nightstand. She opened the top drawer and pulled out a framed picture of Shining Armor. She stared at it longingly. * * * Luna stepped on her balcony to begin her nightly surveillance of Equestria. It was shaping up to be a quiet evening, though the events in her sister’s chamber were distracting. “Honestly! You’d think it was the end of the world!” huffed Luna, as she began her survey of the kingdom. At that moment, just to the right of Luna’s field of vision, four giant stars fell to earth.