//------------------------------// // The Cellar/The Sparing Match // Story: Why Maids Don't Date the Guards // by Lunarus Solaris Nexus //------------------------------// The hangover wasn't awful. Minor headache only slightly nauseous. It was enough to make me pray that it'll solve itself before my lunch break. I'm once again cleaning Princess Luna's study that had to be a portal through time because the dust and debris couldn't be made in one night. I was thankfully getting more money cleaning the study rather than any other room. The pay was much better working directly for the Princesses. Happily the hangover was gone before ten o'clock. I dump another load of dirt into the third trash can and found it full. I hope Luna's not flying outside today, I don't want to be punished. That was it! Princess Luna made me take Nexus to the club last night as a punishment! That had to be it. He's her personal guard so she'd know him better than anybody else in the castle. She has to have known he was a total killjoy. "Good morning Ms Storm." I hear a regally pissed voice say from the door. Damn she's quiet. I jump in surprise and find Princess Luna leaning on the door jamb to her study. "Good morning Princess." I say hiding my surprise. "How long have you been there?" "Not long." She shut the oak doors of the study with her magic and entered. This won't be good. "Lieutenant Nexus was just telling me of the night." Shit. "He had few kind words to say of the events of that night." That's saying something. "It's not my fault I didn't hear him right." I say going back to my cleaning. "I do believe our deal had him be with you the whole night. As late as you usually stay." "We both work in the morning. So I thought it was a good choice to turn in early." "I thought it was Captain Swift's infamous liver." Damn it! "Y… you know about that?" "I have known for some time. My sister as well. Despite her behavior when off duty, she is a disciplined soldier and very decorated fighter. Celestia would prefer to her be more punctual in her spare time but it has not affected her on duty thus far." "I'm sorry I didn't know everything would go the way it did. I did get him out of his room and to the party though. I think that was all we agreed on." "Very true. I shall have somepony show you to the wine cellar later tonight." she opened the door behind her. "He shall be there when you get off work." she trotted out and motioned to somepony next to the door. No… From the right side of the door, Nexus stepped away from the door jamb and followed Princess Luna. He glanced over and I caught a glimpse of his blue eyes through the eye holes in his helmet. Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it! Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it! Why is she doing this!? What'd I do? Is it because I beat her at chess last week? I swear she let me win that game! I lost the three before that so why would it matter if I won once at all!? Okay so it's not the chess game so then what was it? She knew I didn't have a good time last night, I flat out told her Faust damn it! Ugh… May as well get this over with. I'm no wine expert but I've been dragged down here enough to know where most everything is. I say most. It’s not like I need to or want to come down here often. I could at best say what the Princesses and the delegates from Saddle Arabia like… Ponyville White, Dodge Red and Crystal Cabernet respectfully. I don't have the taste for alcohol but apparently this was Ms. Storm's reward for getting me out and about, and Luna's way of, once again, prying me from my work. Dust looked to have mixed feelings. I'd assume on one hoof she gets a bottle of whatever she wants down here, even to me that's an honor, but I'm the one down here. "So…" she sighed as we passed some old guard whiskey. "If you have something you need to say just come out and say it." I say following her around another corner. "About last night… I-" "-Knew I didn't like ponies touching me." "I thought you asked us to. The loud music made it hard to understand what you said." "I don't care. Nopony touches me." "And you plan on having a family in the future how?" "That's different." "How?" "I don't expect you to understand Ms. Storm." "What are you just one of those ponies that just doesn't like anypony? What's it called? Asexual?" Okay I'm just going to have stop her now. I come to a halt and she stops with me. "Luna ever say what I do? Ever?" "I don't know. We're not friends. But to be fair, you should've heard what she told me when she told me to go and get you." "Trust me I don't. So a decision on your choice so we can have this over and done with?" "Fine." she sighs and looks around the section we were in. I can see the gears in her head turning. Either Luna was already rubbing off on her or that was the default look women make when they're thinking of something devious. So he's just going to be a dick? Did the Princess say I had to make a choice tonight? If I didn't would she give me another guard to walk me through the cellar? Would she let me request him? I'll have to ask. If he doesn't want to be here, then I'm going to make this as arduous a process as possible. I think she wouldn't mind me yanking him away from his work every day after work. And maybe I could get more out of this. Two bottles maybe? I'd have to taste it all. It's only polite to respond to such hospitality. "I think I need a bit more time to think. Mind taking me back to Princess Luna to see if that's okay." Oh he knows what I'm doing. He knows exactly what's going on. Oh this is going to be fun! He took me back to Princess Luna in total silence. It was glorious. What made it better was seeing his face when Princess Luna agreed to not only let me have another bottle and that I would be allowed to taste whatever I wanted. Oh his face! Perfect. I could learn to love that look on his face. I could learn to hate that look. Luna had to be doing this to smite me. She had to be. But I still can't figure out what exactly I did wrong deserve it. All I've done that she might've been annoyed with was chess, that I'm sure she let me win at, and maybe because a spell misfired and burnt off one of her eyebrows. Given I lost both of mine but I think this was a bit harsh. But with Dust no longer needing me for the evening, Luna dismissed me. It was too late to do what I needed to do and still get a half decent night's sleep. I did have to skip my nightly training for this so may as well get that in if nothing else. Nopony was in the castle's gymnasium at this hour as always. It's how I like it. Nopony wants to spar with me anyways so at least now it's quiet. I grab my usual training lance to start and get up on two legs in front of the training dummy. With quick efficiency I land dozens of jabs, slaps, slashes and stabs with the lance in random order. I keep it up for about two minutes before I get the feeling that something is coming from behind. I turn my head along with most of my body to find a lance coming at me. I side step the projectile and use the attacking end of my lance to force it to the ground. I look up to see who through it very disappointed to see who threw it. "So you are the one I heard about." Swift said walking in wearing her armor. Shit I have to respect her. I stand up straight and salute. "Ma'am." "As you were." she said waving me off quickly. "I assume you're expecting an apology for last night Captain?" "Oh you really are the one I heard about." "With all due respect what do you mean by that?" "Well despite what went on last night I remember hearing you were a soldier from Dust. I started to think of a pony I heard was some incredible hard ass who was one of those, I've seen some shit, types." she said as she walked towards me. "And?" "And I noticed you were wearing metal boots, and that you're wearing a bit more than that right now." She was right, more of my legs showed in my armor. But I'm impressed that she noticed my hoofs at all when most ponies just focused on why I wore cloths. "Again Captain, what does this have to do with anything?" "I started looking for ponies who were in combat and lost a hoof or two. And with a name like yours it wasn't hard. I probably should've known better." What? "What?" "I read your file Lunarus, and I had no idea. If it-" "No." "Excuse me?" she asked pissed I just cut her off. "Ma'am, I don't care what rank you are I'm not going to let you finish that sentence. I don't need any of what you're going to say." "And how do you know what I'm going to say?" "Cause I got enough of it in the hospital. Now if you'll excuse me I got training to do." "Like that?" "Excuse me?" She smirked at me. "You call that training? Anypony can hit a piece of wood stuck in the ground." "Well I can't get anypony to spar so if y-" "I'll spar with you." "Pardon me Captain?" I say remembering we were still in uniform. "I'll spar." Swift took another lance out of the rack with her magic. "I spar without magic." "I can see that." She said with a chuckle. "With all due-" "-Respect Captain but I won't unless you do. I get it now shut up and get ready Lieutenant." she said getting on the closest sparing mat. She got up on two hoofs and grabbed her lance in her front left. I make my way onto the black mat with a large white circle going all the way around. "Should we play by the rules?" she asked. "Nothing that could kill, no ring outs and submission only." "Fine by me." She took her stance, the standard guard stance for earth ponies and pegasi. The lance level and the pointy bit aimed at the pony they wish to do harm to. Her hoofs were far apart and her weight was kept low to the ground. I chuckled under my breath seeing the classic stance. It may have been good for attack but it never offered anything in terms of defense. Then again that was the Equestrian Military Strategy for a long time. Ponies just steam rolling over nature and not caring. Ancient history now but something I had to know for the tests for some reason. I get onto the mat and take my stance. Left hoof forward with my lance pointed at the ground to my right. The shaft rested against the back of my foreleg. This was my preferred stance. Deceivingly open but very good for defense if you could keep up. And I can keep up. Swift raises an eyebrow at my stance and starts slowly shuffling to my right. She knew better than to make the first move. But in my stance there was no chance of me making an effective first move so I have to wait. I slowly start stepping in turn with her. She was slowly closing the gap as I kept to the edge of the white circle. Normally I'd just let the pony trying ring out but without that option I was going to have to be ready. As soon as I made a step across with my left she lunged at me, the tip pointed at my chest. I let the weight off my right hindleg and spin counter clockwise. With the front half, I deflect the head of her lance up and away from me. I make a solid step forwards with my right hoof and start to swing the end of lance counter clockwise with my body and take hold of the shaft with my other hoof. I bring the blunt end to bear and land a strong jab at her left side. The wooden shaft hit squarely under her ribs. The leather and chainmail soaked up most of the impact but it wouldn't make it hurt any less. The hit was strong enough to cause her to stumble back clutching her side. No doubt her protection didn't make it hurt less. But that seemed to only make her angrier. This time she tried to come at me with a long swing to keep me out of reach. The swing was coming from my right and over the head at an angle. I quickly straighten up the lance and block near the spearhead. Swift's attack only bounced off with a wooden twang. I quickly spin my lance clockwise and knock the tip further away. In what looked like a single fluid motion with the lance's spin, I take a full turn and land a reverse kick to her chest to knock her back and away from me. She stopped for a second to get her grip on the lance again and change her stance. I return to my original stance while Swift takes a slightly more unorthodox stance with the lance in her right hoof with her left out front ready to block or grab. If they were real lances then blocking would require a shield and that's something that haven't been in circulation since the unification of the pony tribes. Damn… what'd they call it, battle fatigue? It caused sporadic thoughts and at times flashbacks. I've had the flashbacks and nightmares under control but the thought jumping was a much harder to keep a handle on. Swift noticed my laps and took the opening and lunged at me. The lance slid forward in her hoofs to force some reach. I didn't catch the move quickly enough to deflect so I side step with the lance only passing a few inches from my head. I don't give her anything to work with. I return the favor with a trust of my lance in the same general location. She follows my move and backs off. I do a full 360 spin with the lance as far away from me as I can get it. The swing was meant to keep her back and it worked, she jumps back a foot and I bring the shaft of the lance to the back of my neck and make two aggressive thrusts to make sure she keeps that distance. She gets out of the ring and off the mat. She's a crafty one. Swift grabs the bottom of the mat with the tip of her lance and does everything in her power to lift it up the mat and throw me off balance. Unfortunately for me she's stronger than the average unicorn. The mat came up and I had to stumble back to avoid falling on my ass. She threw the mat to the side and charged at me. She thrust the lance, not an attack but something to push me back. Sadly I wasn't willing to play that kind of game. I side step and start a charge. I try and get a thrust in but she moves over and grabs the shaft and tries to drag me into the tip of hers. I do the same but push. Suddenly we're doing a dance. A push and pull of the lances caused an equal movement of the hoofs to keep balance, it looked like a strange foreign waltz for soldiers. It was one that could get somepony killed but in a one on one fight it was much safer. We even did a little twirl when she tried to wrench my lance out of my hoof. A motion I didn't take kindly to. Time to stop holding back. I pull as hard as I can and she ends up being forced to let go of my lance or else she risks a dislodging of her shoulder. Once I let her go, she tried to bring her lance over her head and just flat out whack me with it. My lance was still behind her. I use it to stop her lance and lock my left foreleg around the shaft as I forced her against my chest. Her lance was locked behind her and she was locked against me. I just had to apply the pressure and get her to give in. I pull hard and she winces as her forelegs stretch from holding the lance. There was a spot on the back of Royal Guard armor that was meant to move with the shoulders by a hinge. Putting constant and exact pressure on it caused a lot of pain as it pushed against the vertebra. She struggled against the hold but against my chest she wasn't going anywhere unless she let her weapon go. It seemed she was very against that as she kept trying to pull her lance free. In response I started pulling harder on my lance and she started doing the same. I wasn't very comfortable with her as close as she was. I think she was taking advantage of it. She was looking at me concerned like I was really hurting her but she signed up for this. She sounded like she was panicking, trying to play to some kind of sympathy I had. Was she? It was too late for me to lighten up, my paying attention to her made me overlook the creaking sound coming from my lance's shaft. It snapped with a… well snap. Swift was quick, she threw her hooves around the back of my neck with her lance as leverage and put a knee in my gut. No matter how good a soldier you are, getting hit doesn’t hurt any less. She landed two more before I could get any advantage. She tried getting one on my face but I had enough time to slip out of her hold when she had to change her hold on my neck. I hadn't let go of the pieces of lance she let me break, I shoved her back and stood ready as if wielding two short swords. The spear head was in my right and the lower half of the shaft was in my left for defense. Wasn't my favorite type of fighting style but it would have to do for now. Yet another style older than anypony in my known ancestry. I guess if she was going to be pulling ancient history on me may as well return the favor. She thrust at me and I cross the shafts just behind the head of the lance. I push it off to the left and roll around it and land a strong elbow to her left shoulder near the neck, armored or no it's a very sensitive area to get hit. Especially with armored stainless steel plating as an elbow. She grabbed her shoulder and staggered back. It wasn't far enough. I use the left half to hit her across the face, stunning her for a moment. I hit her in the stomach with the blunt end causing her to hunch over. Behind her I see the mat she tossed away. I take my opening, I drop the lower half of the shaft and bum rush her. I pick her up with my shoulder and slammed her down onto the mat with the wooden blade at her throat. She was looking up at me with a look of surprise, her cut open cheek slightly swollen and bleeding. "You certainly live up to your reputation." She said trying to catch her breath. "I aim to please." I say. For some reason I didn't take the lance head away. "What is my reputation anyways?" "Stone cold, unbreakable, arrogant, and very reclusive. But as much negatives there is in your file there's just as much praising you. An outstanding service record for only two years and commendations from Princess Luna herself. It doesn't get much more positive." "Negatives usually outweigh the positives. What made you think they wouldn't now?" "I had to be sure. People that pick drunken messes off the floor and keep them from making more mistakes aren't the kind to let things like that be in the way. I wanted to know if the pony writing it just didn't like you." "And?" I still hadn't taken the lance head out of her throat. "And you're certainly not the kind to leave somepony on the side of the road like I thought you would." She reached up and put her hoof on the one holding the blade to her throat. I'd missed her silvery blue eyes. Behind her calmness I could see what she saw in mine, the thing I've seen in everypony that came back from deployment. A fire, something that could spill over if the right buttons were pushed. For her it seemed her glass was about as full as mine. Well relatively speaking. My glass was much deeper but she at least wasn't lying about understanding last night. I can't feel through my legs but she starts pushing my hoof away from her neck, I drop the end of the lance off to the side and let my weight off of her chest. I'm now half standing over her, practically nose to nose. I'm starting to get that uncomfortable pit in my stomach again. I start to stand up fully but she doesn't let go. "Can you please let me go?" I asked quietly. "It wasn't just the alcohol… I really saw it. You're stone on the outside but I knew I saw something softer in there." "What'd you mean?" "I see it in your eyes, compassion-" "Stop. I don't need sympathy." "I'm not offering sympathy. I asked Dust why she brought you, and she said what Princess Luna said. I just want to be your sparring partner." "That's it? So more of this?" "Same time every week. I just want to try and be your friend." "That's it?" "Yeah, sound alright? You need a partner and I need something to do other than drink." Well helping her keep her job is certainly something I could do but A.L.I.S. needs some TLC, something I don't have time for if I'm sparing with one pony after helping another try and pick out a wine. Then after all that I still have to study wines and such to help Dust find what she'll want out of Canterlot's Wine Cellar. But I won't get better if I don't train with somepony and she's certainly a challenge and I could use somepony like that. She could use it too… Not that she's a bad fighter but anypony could use improvement. I'm going to regret this. "Alright fine, I have business when I get off but just be here at the same time tomorrow and not on weekends and we'll spar." I say getting up and holding out a hoof. She smiled at me, something I'm still not sure I'm accustomed to seeing, and took my hoof. I helped her up and she once again gets in my personal space, but not very far. "I'll see you tomorrow night Lunarus." "It's Lunar if you have to use my first name. If not just call me Nexus." "Alright Nexy." she said smirking. I'm going to regret this. "I'll see you then. And try not to break anything next time Lieutenant."