Vinyl opened her mouth wide and yawned loudly as she paused her frantic pace around the apartment in her newest attempt to clear her mind. Random thoughts kept swarming around her head like a pack of parasprites, preventing her from calming down enough to even think about sleeping. Worries about Resonance, slight anger at Octavia, and memories that she really didn't want to deal with kept drifting in and out of her thoughts.
As she returned to pacing through the large apartment she had to step carefully through the different rooms to avoid the seemingly random stacks of papers and notes. To anyone else her apartment was a train-wreck. To Vinyl, though, there was an underlying system of organization hidden amongst the chaos. It made sense to her and she didn't care if anyone else knew what it meant, after all nobody else needed to know where things were.
The problem with the randomly placed stacks of paper was that they slowed down her pacing enough so that she wasn't able to keep up a frantic enough pace to actually clear her mind. After several more laps of her apartment she gave up and grabbed a more recent stack in her magic and threw herself on the couch. She found it difficult to sit still, though, her entire body was restless. The notes on the music only reminded her of the studio, and kept bringing forward mental images that she'd rather just push from her mind. Her restless limbs only seemed to fill her with a growing sense of annoyance which only made the desire to get up and move around worse.
Vinyl tried closing her eyes and covered them with her hooves as she took several deep slow breaths, but her chest tightened up and her breath started coming in short bursts as the feelings refused to subside. She couldn't understand why this was happening. She was supposed to feel better after visiting Octavia and paying her. Instead she felt even more agitated and apprehensive than she had been before she left. As if to punctuate that though the image of a brown stallion's face entered her mind causing her entire body to shudder reflexively.
She let out a foalish whine of frustration as she shook her head and tried to get that awful face out of her mind's eye. She pounded her hooves on the couch a few times in frustration when that failed but didn't really expect that to help a whole lot. Finally she tossed the stack of papers onto the floor in annoyance and curled up on the couch grumbling under her breath in frustration. All she really wanted at this point was some sleep. Everything else could wait if only she could get a little bit of sleep. At this point she wouldn't have long to rest before she would have to go to the studio anyway, but any amount would be better than nothing. She could feel exhaustion stealing over her body, but every time she tried to let it take over her body a new wave of annoyance filled her muscles with restlessness making her want to kick her legs out in frustration.
Vinyl let out a frustrated yell and stamped around the apartment whining like a little filly but she didn't care about how ridiculous she must look. Surprisingly it actually made her feel a little better, but she still doubted she would be able to actually sleep at this point. She stamped around the room a few more times before her legs nearly collapsed under her from exhaustion. Tears of frustration leaked out of her eyes as she weakly made her way to the bedroom and threw herself onto the covers. She clutched at the blankets and whimpered quietly under her breath as her entire body was screaming for sleep.
However her eyes were the last bastion of resistance. Try as she might she couldn't get her eyes to want to stay shut. They kept twitching back open every time she tried to relax. A few more tears of frustration rolled their way down her cheeks and she buried her face into the pillow as she clutched it with her hooves. She finally let herself break down into quiet sobbing as once again that awful brown face forced itself to the surface again. She shuddered slightly and curled up into the foetal position as she tried to will the face to go away, but all she managed to do was force her mind to think of other painful memories instead.
Memories that Vinyl thought she was done with kept surging forward as she heard echoes of herself yelling at Octavia that she didn't want to talk about it. Her tears of frustration slowly turned into genuine sobs as she clenched her eyes shut tighter and clutched the pillow around her head. Finally after crying herself to a state of even worse exhaustion she wiped her eyes and flipped the pillow around to the dry side. She came close to falling asleep once or twice only to have her eyes suddenly slam open as the face reappeared again. Right as she was about to give up and storm out of bed her eyes finally gave in and slowly closed, allowing her to slip away into an uneasy sleep filled with unpleasant images.
Vinyl winced as she removed her headphones. She was glad that she had told Oliver to take today off. He really didn't need to see her as she put her head down on the console miserably. Octavia was right: she was a monster. How could she have taken things this far? She turned her head sideways to stare at the headphones resting next to her on the studio panel. She could still hear her voice coming from it and she cringed slightly as she tried to ignore the sounds.
She usually didn't bother to stop recording while she yelled at musicians, it helped to have their reactions on record so she could gauge how they were doing. Apparently she hadn't really reviewed the recordings with Resonance, though. The farther she got into the recordings the less responses she heard from the violinist, and the worse her yelling got. It was clear that she should have been reviewing these recordings to try and get this back under control sooner. Vinyl winced as she heard another bout of yelling leak from the headphones next to her. She clearly had gotten carried away, lost track of her own shouting and didn't keep herself in check.
"Wow, what was that piece of shit?"
"Are you even a musician? What kind of lapse in judgement did I have when I hired someone as worthless as you?"
"And take the extra time to develop some competency at your craft you useless sack of crap!"
"You don't seem to ever improve at all do you? I figured that maybe you were just having nerve issues but if anything you're getting worse!"
"I don't understand how it's possible for me to make such a huge error in hiring somepony like you! Why don't you just give up and save everypony the wasted time?"
Vinyl cringed as the nastier snippets of her yelling rang through her head again, some caused by the headphones and others simply replaying in her mind. She walked out to the front of the studio to throw herself on one of the couches in the waiting area. She really should go apologize to Resonance, but she really wanted to see if Octavia was actually going to show up today. She highly doubted that the earth pony would, but it stood to reason that if she counted on it Tavi would show up and be angry at her for not being there.
Vinyl glanced over towards the clock, she still had several hours until Octavia's normally scheduled time. She could easily go to visit the hospital and be back in time. Maybe this time without everpony around she would be able to form the proper words in her head. Especially now that she realized how big of an ass she had made of herself. She wasn't even sure if Resonance would want to see her or not, though. If Octavia blamed her for the accident, then she could only imagine what the violinist must think of her now.
She dropped off the couch and fell onto her hooves as she left the studio to start walking towards the Hospital. With her mind made up to at least try and say something to the poor pony, she made her way out the building and hesitated at the welcome desk.
"Hey, I'm going to visit Resonance, if anypony comes for me tell them I'll be back in a few hours okay?" she asked to the receptionist in the air of someone not actually asking a question.
After last night, especially after having to deal with all those semi repressed memories surging forward she hoped that the pony didn't engender the same type of disgust towards her. Maybe it wasn't too late to stop it, she could try showing the pony some kindness. After all she had been improving at a pretty steady rate, Vinyl really didn't have to keep pushing her so hard. Maybe a change of pace would give her the encouragement to keep working harder.
More than that Vinyl didn't want to think that she was held in the same regard as the way she thought of that horrible stallion. Sure her former musicians hated her, but she didn't want to have the same nightmarish reactions associated with her face. She always told herself that they would be better off when she was done with them, but if Resonance visibly cringed at the sight of her then it going to be hard to keep telling herself that.
So apologizing wasn't that big of a deal right? She was just making sure Resonance didn't fear her and that she wouldn't be scarred by the incident. This was different from business as usual, so it was okay to apologize right? She kept trying to work herself up as she trudged through the streets of Canterlot and ignored everything around her. It didn't take long for her to find herself approaching the hospital and she felt a tightening sensation in her chest and her heartbeat quickened.
She made her way up the stairs and mulled over the words of what she could say as she came closer and closer to her destination. Everything around her was a blur except the path in front of her. She could see her destination drawing nearer as she walked down the clean hallway, but her eyes refused to focus on anything else. She felt her heart renewed its quickened pace and increased it by a step as she came to the door and found it closed. The soft sound of her heartbeat started to echo up her windpipe as she held her mouth open for a moment before she knocked and opened it. Vinyl barely looked into the room. She only looked long enough to see that this was in fact the proper room before she focused again on what she was going to say.
"Hi Resonance... I know you might not want to see me right now, but I wanted to apologize," Vinyl said weakly as she stepped up next to the bed and avoided looking directly at the pony.
"Well umm... I listened to some of our sessions earlier, I was going to look over the music to see what I could do with them. And well, I guess I didn't realize how far over the line I was until I listened to everything again. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to be so harsh, I just got a little carried away I guess," Vinyl mumbled weakly. She looked down at the floor and scuffed a forehoof on the tiles as he hesitated and attempted to gather her thoughts.
"I guess I was just frustrated. I was trying to motivate you at first, you have a lot of talent and I wasn't seeing you use it fully. I didn't really realize how overly cruel I was getting because of that. I should have realized that when you stopped even talking to me I had taken it too far. I guess I just wanted to tell you that I don't think you're worthless." Vinyl sat down onto her haunches and looked up at the ceiling as she pondered how to continue.
"You've actually shown a lot of visible improvement while we were working together. I'm sorry for being so mean I honestly didn't mean to take it so far and I certainly didn't mean for you to get that upset."
Nothing? I guess she really does hate me..."
"I guess I really just don't want you to think of me as a horrible pony. You probably hate me and I can understand that. I really never intended for you to think of me as terrible, though. I don't want this incident and your time with me to scar you. You shouldn't have to deal with that kind of thing, you don't deserve to have nightmares over it. I guess I'm just asking you to forgive me? Even though I don't really deserve it that much..." Vinyl trailed off nervously and slowly turned her gaze up to see how the pony was reacting. Now that she had finished, she could finally bear to look and see what the response was.
"Very heart felt I'm sure," came a scathing voice from the back of the room before she could get a good look at the Resonance. Vinyl nearly fell over in surprise and held her chest with a hoof as her eyes shot over to a sleepy looking gray earth pony half curled up in a comfortable looking chair in the back corner of the room.
"But I'd suggest saving sentiments like that for when she's awake," Octavia said through a theatrical yawn. She stretched herself out and shifted into a more comfortable sitting position.
Vinyl stared at Octavia with her mouth open for several seconds while her heart pounded away in her chest before she turned to the bed. Sure enough the Resonance's eyes were shut and her breaths were coming soft and slow as she appeared to be slumbering peacefully.
"Celestia bucking damnit..." Vinyl grumbled under her breath and planted her face in a hoof as she sat back down on her haunches. "What the hell are you doing here anyway?"
"Couldn't sleep, finally gave up and decided to come visit her while I thought things over. Of course I then fell asleep here only to be woken up by your little apology. Thanks for that by the way..." Octavia said through another loud yawn and Vinyl's eyes were drawn to the visible bags under the earth pony's eyes.
"Has she woken up yet?" Vinyl asked tentatively as she looked back with a look of genuine concern across her face.
"If she has I wasn't awake when it happened. Do you need me to fetch you some paper to write down another apology? I've helped many ponies practice speeches before. Maybe some speech exercises? Diction begins with the teeth and the tongue, diction begins with the teeth and the tongue. You should try and sound more shaky while you say it too, more convincing for the whole downtrodden apology if you sound uncertain," Octavia said while rolling her eyes.
"I could contribute a few more cliches as well. Personally I'd recommend hindsight is 20/20. OH, OH! You're only a pony, that's always a good one. If you knew what you know now you would have behaved differently? Or the best one yet... Mistakes were made," Octavia couldn't hold back the mischievous smile as she kept slathering the sarcasm on.
"I thought you said you didn't care how much they hated you when they left. Want to direct it a little bit more in my direction this time? Maybe get a good angle so your voice projects more clearly over in my direction and wakes me up. I can even pretend to be asleep again if you want, since you know she's asleep and everything. Did you really expect me to believe that was intended for her?"
"Y-you... I-I don't. YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!" Vinyl yelled in a huff and stormed out of the room. She slammed the door behind her and rested her back against the opposite wall as she sank down to the floor. She grumbled quietly to herself in annoyance as she took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself down.
"Well... she's awake now," she heard the sarcastic voice say from the other side of the door. "Hi there, I'm Octavia. Sorry about that."
Vinyl groaned inwardly and gave up. She got up and stormed down the hallway ignoring the scandalous looks from a passing nurse as she stomped her way out of the building. She could barely believe that pony. It was hard enough for her to even work herself up to say those things and all she got out of it was mockery. Vinyl put her face back into a hoof as she paused outside and tried to mentally force the headache that was forming to go away. She started to reconsider helping Octavia with finding another job as she stood there and pondered what to do next.