//------------------------------//
// Mirror Darkly: Another 'Fun' Night in the Glorious Solar Empire 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

Ponyville, Equestria

Now

The sun set on a dark Ponyville day. It was almost always dark over Equestria- perpetual overcast, ready to rain, sleet, snow or hail at a moment's notice if necessary. And plenty of lightning to shock the idle or disobedient pony, if one was to listen to the conspiracies of the more imaginative residents. But it hardly ever stormed, despite that the sky was a blanket of gray most of the time. Precious rain water was one of many "gifts" from the Empresses and their servants and they made sure it was not bestowed in large amounts so none was wasted. Better to keep it scarce so ponies would remember its value and remember their gratitude toward Empress Celestia and Empress Luna.

Dan walked home through the quiet streets. Curfew would be in effect as soon as the sun went down and already Ponyville had become silent. Being an agent of the Equestrian Peacekeeping Force, the curfew didn't apply to Dan so long as he had reason to be out. If he needed to, he could make something up but today he didn't feel like staying out. He knew there would be something waiting for him at home.

He wasn't allowed to smoke in the archives so he decided to have a quick light on the way home. Cigars had changed over the past two years, no longer the health hazard they once were and one of the few things the Empresses had allowed to pass from Terran to Equestrian society. The ones Dan smoked were based on rolled leaves from a plant called Off-color Joke, so called because prolonged usage caused temporary color blindness. Apart from that and the addictive nature of the narcotic, Equestrian hybrid smoking products also usually caused a random side-effect of some kind like paralysis in less-used muscle, changing of hair or eye color to a dull orange-brown, the loss of the ability to whistle or sudden inability to pronounce certain words. All these side-effects were reversible and Dan felt like enjoying a nice stress release on the walk home.

Dan didn't look like any average peacekeeper, mostly because he walked on two legs. He wore a plain white t-shirt with the word "HERO" emblazoned on the front in bold, black letters. The middle line of the "H" was bent at an awkward angle so that it could also have been an "N" or a "Z" turned on its side. Most other humans in Ponyville were forced to wear the patchwork slave garbs that the fabric overseer Mistress Rarity cobbled together, barely rags that the slaves were made to wear for days on end. He also wore a pair of crocs despite the fact that most other humans were forbidden to cover their feet. But Dan had always been the exception, had always enjoyed special privileges from other humans and even ponies since the moment he set foot in Equestria.

His 'anniversary' was actually just a couple weeks ago. It had been two years since Dan and his stealth bomber had been transported to Equestria. He still didn't know how it happened, what caused it or why but he didn't care. He was alive and had been given new opportunities, a new world with which to exploit. And he had wasted no time in exploiting it.

Dan's bomber had been caught by Rainbow Dash, leader of the Shadowbolts and the air defense commander of Ponyville. At first, Commander Dash had wanted to execute the alien right then and there but some quick talking and begging for his life caused the pegasus to decide to spare him instead. He was taken to Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle who he told his story to, along with details about his bomber. Shortly thereafter, Dan was presented before Empress Celestia and Empress Luna themselves where he gladly shared with them all the secrets of the Terran Empire's military.

Armed with Dan's knowledge and an understanding of human weaponry, Empresses Celestia and Luna launched the successful invasion of Earth, conquering and enslaving humanity. The two alicorns now sat as tyrannical rulers of two worlds, two moons and two suns, oppressing the masses and forcing pony and human alike to remake all iconic landmarks, statues and monuments on both Earth and Equestria in their images. History was changed to reflect glory the two mares, artist and innovator alike were forced to name Celestia as their primary inspiration, motivation and devotion and even fan fiction writers and readers were forced to read and write at least one essay every five days about Celestia and Luna and how they were the most beautiful, magnificent and powerful creatures in all the land. If their expression was judged to be poor or inaccurate, or if the judge just felt like it, the individual responsible faced lashes on the sixth day.

Dan however, had been rewarded for his actions. He was placed as captain of Inquisitor Twilight's protection force and installed as a guard at the local Steel Woods Book Depository. Twilight herself had been rewarded for deciphering the bomber and appointed as Inquisitor into Human-Pony Interactions, essentially making it her job to decide which slaves were useful to the Solar Empire. With the vast majority of both humans and ponies working as slaves to Celestia, the pair should count themselves lucky they had so much freedom. But of course, they wanted more.

He reached the depository just as the sun went down. He took one last drag from the fag and dropped the butt on the ground, stomping it into the dirt alongside the remains of other cigarettes. Grasping the door, he entered the archives.

"And where were you?" a familiar voice asked.

"Out," Dan answered callously as he closed the door behind him.

Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle sat at the meeting table in the center of the main room. She looked up at him, regarding him with sneering, judgmental eyes. "You're two minutes passed curfew. And tonight's not your not to be out after dark."

"I thought I'd take the long way home," Dan said. "Enjoy a little bit of the night air."

"No doubt," Twilight said. She returned to reading, flipping the page of a large tome in front of her.

A grin spread over Dan's face as he approached her. "So, where might Chrysalis, Spike and Fluffle Puff be?"

"Out," Twilight answered, the same answer he'd given her. "Perhaps enjoying the night air themselves."

"Ah, but they're not authorized to break curfew either," Dan said with a wolf-like smile. "Whatever could they be doing out? Perhaps I should retrieve them."

Twilight closed her book with a heavy sigh. "If you MUST know, I have Spike and Fluffle out on an errand while Chrysalis I have on a very important assignment."

"Is that so?"

"It is," Twilight said, glaring back at him. "Something I can trust only her with, with her beauty and divinity and grace. Something only her capable and regal hooves can attend to," she practically sang.

"How nice," Dan said, crossing over to her behind the table. "I just hope other ponies aren't put off by her bad breath while she's out."

'Twilight' frowned. She breathed onto her hoof and sniffed. "My breath's not that bad."

"But your disguise is!" Dan grabbed her mane from behind and pulled hard.

"Ow ow ow ow OW!" Chrysalis recoiled in pain. She burst into emerald flames and transformed back into her traditional changeling form. The human released his grasp and she brushed her mane. "How did you know it was me?"

"I didn't," Dan admitted. "Not at first. I would've yanked your hair out either way to be safe, though."

She scowled at the human. "You keep your filthy paws away from my mane, you disgusting ape."

Dan chuckled. "You want to see disgusting, Chryzard? Look in a mirror and don't transform."

Just then, Twilight walked down from her room upstairs. "Ooof!" She stumbled, bumping against the wall as she got closer to the steps. Clutching the bannister for balance, she looked down at them. She looked at both of them until her hazy gaze finally fixated on Dan. "And where were you?"

"Out loitering as usual," Chryz answered for him. "You should lock him up for it."

Dan grinned slyly at the changeling. "Wanna get locked up with me? We could both endure a little… punishment together."

Chryz made gagging noises. It was bad enough living in the same house as him, much worse sharing a room.

"Both of you, shut it now," Twilight ordered as she walked down the stairs. She went over to the bookcase behind them and began removing books with her magic. "Where is it? Where is it?!" she asked, tossing tomes over her shoulders. They all knew which book she was looking for, the one book she couldn't do without.

A callous-looking Spike walked down from the steps after her. "You usually keep it on the bottom-left. So it's easy to reach."

"Oh… right," the purple unicorn said. She reached down to the only book that happened to be left on the shelf, a thick paperback that had the words 'ARCANE APOLOGY' written on the front. Of course, it was the only one she'd been using the most recently. "Ah-ha!" she held it up.

"Find it?" Dan asked.

"Mm-hmm," Twilight answered.

Dan smiled. "That's what I like about ya, Twi. You're always so eager to hit the books."

"It's Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle," she corrected. "Should be PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle by now. Would've been if not for effing Starswir's sabotaged spell." She grumbled, opening the book. Inquisitor Twilight Sparkle didn't actually read many books; in fact, she was barely literate. 
But she did find some books were good for one thing in particular.

Four years ago, Empress Celestia had sent Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville to oversee the Summer Celestia is Bestia Celebration, a bi-weekly event at the time that had been seeing delays due to insubordination. The Empress's sister, the imprisoned Empress Luna had broken free from her moon prison at the time. Under the guise of Nightmare Moon, she attempted to stir up a rebellion in the night to overthrow her sister and had nearly succeeded.

Twilight Sparkle gathered several of the town foreman mares, now supposedly her "friends" and collected ancient artifacts called the Pieces of Tyranny. Using the dark devices, they defeated Nightmare Moon and reunited the lost Empress with her sister. For her efforts, Twilight had been awarded the title of Inquisitor and was given the task to master the magic of oppression, much to the purple mare's dismay. Empress Celestia had ordered her to remain in Ponyville and live in the Steel Oaks Book Depository with the additional assignment of burning any seditious material or books not Celestia-approved that she came across.

Opening the hollowed-out book, Twilight pulled out a rather large flask of liquor. She tossed the book over her shoulder, nearly hitting Dan, uncorked the bottle and guzzled.

"Might not want to save some of that for later," Dan warned. "Commissary isn't open until tomorrow and we're running low on tokens."

Twilight's lips broke away from the bottle just briefly enough for her to ask, "And?" before she continued guzzling the hooch.

Dan rolled his eyes. "And I guess we won't be having booze and Frosted Pellaeon-O's tomorrow for breakfast, than. It's gonna be another 'fun' night in the glorious Solar Empire."

Twilight ignored him, took a seat at the meeting table and kept drinking. She'd never been shy around alcohol, even less so since her attempt to decipher Starswirl the Balding's Sorcery Supremacy spell. The spell had in fact been sabotaged by Starswirl himself so that the caster would suffer the loss of half of their magic power and potential when used. Twilight, however, had been lucky; while her magic had been diminished, it was recovering and the only other side-effect was part of her cutie mark turning darker purple on the top corner of the star. Still, what hadn't happened was more frustrating that what had happened. 

"Maybe I can get a pair of wings from the commisssssss-sarry," Twilight nearly slurred. "Ya think they'll have any spares?"

"Don't count on it," Dan said, smirking. "And if it did, I doubt we'd have enough tokens to purchase. Our next allotment isn't until next quarter."

The Solar Empire controlled every part of Equestria from property to people and ponies. Nearly sixty percent of the population were slaves and there were no private businesses. Flim and Flam, a pair of generous volunteers, ran the local commissary which passed for a commerce center. Citizens of the Solar Empire, Dan and Twilight included, were allotted an amount of Sun Tokens every three months to use for various necessary goods and services. Moon Tokens were rewarded for exemplary service to the Empire and could be used for more "exotic" things. All purchases were supposedly carefully tracked so wasteful or distasteful practices could be stopped but really, it was just another way Empress Celestia and Luna oppressed the population.

Fortunately, Chryz could transform into different ponies to confuse their request record and buy things they otherwise wouldn't be allowed. But they still needed the solid tokens themselves to make the exchange. And at the rate Twilight was drinking, they'd be dry in two days.

More than anything else, Twilight Sparkle wanted to be an alicorn princess. She didn't want to be in Ponyville and preferred not to even associate with the underclass locals. Twilight would rather be back in Canterlot with the elite. Secretly, she, Dan, Chryz, Spike and Fluffle, and her "friends" from Ponyville, were plotting to overthrow the Empresses and rule themselves. Of course, they dared not speak of this out loud. Until then, Twilight drank away her failures, Dan smoked away his concerns and they bided their time, dealing with the rebellion and waiting for their chance to strike at Empress Celestia and Luna. But they weren't the only ones.

The door to the depository slowly creaked open. Pinkamena Pie, one of Twilight's other 'friends' stood in the doorway, glaring at those within from under her straightened mane.

"Ah, good evening Diane," Dan said, using the mare's middle name. "How are things at the soup kitchen?"

The pink pony stared at him, eyes frozen in an expression of deep contempt. Dan liked prodding the mare with the occasional pleasant comment. The only emotion Pinkamena was capable of conveying was cruelty, if she chose to convey any emotion at all.

"You are… all… invited to a gathering," Pinkamena said, voice filled with cold rage. "This evening at-"

"Oh mai gawsh, she's so evil."

Pinkie, you're not supposed to be in this scene.

"But I'm ALREADY in this scene! And you made me evil! Why did you make me evil? *sniff*"

Pinkie, calm down- that's not you. We talked about this, remember? Pinkamena is your evil counterpart from an alternate dimension.

"Counta-what now?"

Counter-part. It means she's an evil version of yourself from a parallel universe, a dark mirror. She's not you, she's just a different version of you.

"But she's A me even if she's not THE me!" Pinkie Pie hugged her parasol unitard sister tightly <3.

"Don't touch me." The meanie-Pinkie said. But the count-a-party Pinkie only held tighter until all the nastiness melted away and her heart was full of sunshine and rainbows and sparkly-

Pinkie, stop trying to narrate the story! Please, this is a very important seen to illustrate.

"It's scene, not seen. You meant the first one."

Yeah, I know. That's just spellcheck again. And would you please get out of the seen?!

"You said seen again instead of scene…"

PINKIE!!!

"Mmmm yessssss?"

Seriously, Pinkie, we're just trying to get through this scene so we can get to the rest of the episode.

"You spelled it right that time… and I understand. It's an important scene in the story."

So please, can you let us get through this part? It's gonna be fun~

"But… I don't want there to be an evil version of me. I was mean once for a while but now it's like in this univest, I'm mean all the time… I don't want there to be a universe like that."

"I think I can help."

Dan? You're here now, too?

"Yep. Just going where I'm needed," Dan said. "Hey, folks! REAL Dan here, now. I'm here to sort things out and get us back on track, like always."

"Hi Dan! Did you see the evil Twilight? I think she's drunk."

"Not quite, but I'm gettin' there," evil Twilight answered, raising the bottle again.

"Yeah, that's… something."

"I think it's silly!"

"Yes, alcohol abuse is very silly. But Pinkie, none of these guys are our friends. You see, everything in this universe is the opposite from the way it is in our universe. All of the versions of us and our friends are evil dopplegangers, like twins. They're completely different from us."

"Oh…," Pinkie said, nodding. "So, like they only walk backwards? And they speak in reverse? And they have pancakes for dinner and for desert is-"

"Pinkie-"

"Broccoli?"

"Pinkie, their personalities are completely different from ours. They're still similar to us in a lot of ways but at the core, they've just kind of been flipped. Which is why the evil version of you doesn't like parties and works at a soup kitchen instead of Sugar Cube Corner."

"Bleh," Pinkamena scowled. "I detest that word."

"Which word?" Pinkie asked her evil twin. "Corner? Sugar? Cube? Soup?"

"No," the other pink mare said, voice full of disdain. "Parties."

Pinkie Pie's jaw hit the floor hard enough to leave an indent. Dan lifted it up for her.

"Sister… you ain't no Pinkie Pie," she said flatly.

Pinkamena growled. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Does that mean you're fine with the scene, now?" Dan from universe A asked.

"Mmmm… all right. But I'd still like to show her that parties can be really fun."

Don't worry; you'll get your chance. Is that okay with you, Pinkamena?

"I was created five minutes ago and already I know I don't want to be around any of you ponies or… creatures," Pinkamena said in disgust. "If you really want a new playmate, I can always go fetch Toothy for you. He was getting tired of gnawing on the slaves at the soup kitchen, anyway."

We'll take that as a yes.

Dan A stood up. "All right Pinkie, now that that's settled, let's get going back to- OH MAI GAWD!"

What?! What is it now?"

"What's wrong, Dan?"

"He's… he's wearing…" Dan A pointed a shaky finger at Dan B. "HE'S WEARING…"

Dan B looked down at his outfit. "I'm guessing they don't have casual Friday in your universe."

"HE'S WEARING CROCS!" Dan A screamed in abject horror. He rose his hands to the ceiling as if asking the heavens why and screamed,  "CROCS!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Dan Vs. Crocs?



Crocs, the most arrogant, pretentious and downright snobby of all casual footwear, at least in Dan's opinion, were an abomination that Dan didn't think should be worn in any universe, much less his own. And they were on his feet. Well, at least a version of his feet.

Dan B lifted his foot and examined it. "I really do admire the abstract construction of shoe housing. It's quite comfortable."

"We'll see how comfortable it is when I stick it where the sun don't shine!" Dan A stomped over to him.

Twilight Sparkle B hazily looked up. "There's… two Dans… And… two Pinkies…" She held up the bottle with her magic and looked at it. "We're gonna need more tokens so I can get more of whatever's in this booze."

"Ick," Chryz remarked. "One Dan and one Pinkamena are bad enough. If there are any more, you can lock me under the castle again."

Dan A stomped over to his counterpart. "You can lose the shoes or the ability to walk. Either way, the crocs are coming off."

Dan B grinned. "Oh, this will be quite rich." Unbeknownst to Dan A, Dan B always kept a knife on him. As he stood, he let his hand casually slip to the fold of his pocket, carefully touching the very end of the blade's handle. "And here, I thought tonight was going to be boring."

"Eugh," Dan A stopped as he got a closer look at his counterpart. "You look like a walking grease stain. And you live in this dump? Do you even have a home security system when you're guarding royalty?"

Dan B shrugged. Dan A didn't know that the Twilight of this universe wasn't a princess and Dan B just assumed he was referring to Chryz. "Looks can be deceiving, my friend. But I believe you'll see my point soon enough."

"All I see here is a chump."

"Back at you."

Dan A lunged forward and that's when Dan B went for his knife. But Dan A saw this coming and instead of going for Dan B's face, reached down and grabbed Dan B's hand and turned into him, wrenching his arm.

"Agh, aaahh!" Dan B yelped in pain and dropped the knife to the floor. He was powerless as his universe A counterpart further wrenched his arm.

"You think I didn't see that coming?" Dan A asked. "Heh, I grew up in L.A, pal. Took a self-defense class at the YMCA. They teach you how to tell when someone's going for a knife in lesson one."

"I… I think I may have misjudged you," Dan B said. "You may lack discipline but you clearly make up for that in skill."

"I don't need skill or discipline to beat you," Dan A said back. He bent his counterpart's arm further, forcing him to bend his entire body at an odd angle. Still holding his arm in place, he carefully switched positions and turned around so he was facing him. "I just try to do the right thing. I obey a very specific set of rules. And one of those rules is: no shirt, no shoes-"

"No service?" Dan B groaned.

Dan A smiled. "No exceptions." He released his evil twin's arm just before he delivered a punch with his right hand to Dan B's goateed face. The evil human was hit so hard, he spun back around and fell onto the meeting table. Dan B hit with such force, he smashed through a chair on his way down, shattering it into pieces. His weight flipped the table, flipping over Twilight Sparkle and sending her liquor bottle and the Arcane Apology book flying. The book smacked evil Spike right in the face and sent him flying into a bookshelf, knocked out. 

Pinkie Pie ducked to avoid the crystal decanter but Pinkamena wan't quite fast enough. The empty glass bottle smashed into her head and shattered, instantaneously knocking her unconscious.

"Wow… that was incredible, Dan!" Pinkie cheered.

"Yeah… you were right, Pinkie," Dan said, picking up the knife off the floor. "The Crystal Empire's mirrors do take you to some really interesting places."

"I know, right? But we should probably get out of here before they wake up," the pink mare suggested.

"Good plan, let's get back to Twilight and the others." Dan broke the small pocket knife in half and threw it away in an overfilled waste bin. He and Pinkie stepped over Pinkamena's form and closed the door behind them carefully so not to wake up the unconscious fiends. Before they left, Dan took a moment to write a note and stick it to the door. It read:


Residence inspected by Captain Dan and Pinkie Pie. 
Get a security system, chumps


The two then left, leaving before anypony in the Solar Empire noticed the unusually happy Pinkie and abnormally assertive Dan.

Back at the book depository, Chryz carefully stepped over the unconscious forms of her housemates. "Wow… I guess there are some universes you shouldn't mess with."

Just then, Fluffle Puff, the real Fluffle Puff, dropped down from the ceiling. She landed on the floor and quickly turned to face the alternate universe Chrys.

Chrys shook her head in disbelief. "Phluffle? What were you doing on the ceiling?"

"Thppppth."

The fluffy pony picked a cook book off the shelf titled To Serve Flan, opened it up and pulled out an apple pie. She quickly eschewed the book, took the pie and trotted out the door to follow Dan and Pinkie.

Chryz turned around and began walking to the stairs. "Sometimes, I understand why Twilight drinks so much." Suddenly, a disco ball detached from the ceiling and smashed Chryz in the head. With all of the depository's occupants completely unconscious, it went without saying that none of them would remember the events of the evening. When they woke up and saw the damage, they would all assume it had just been another 'fun' night in the glorious Solar Empire.