I know it was worth it.
I guess I should start from the beginning. I mean you don't end up like me without something happening. But what was the beginning of this story? Hmm... OH! I know! Lets start like this.
You know when you're a kid and you have that cute innocent look on your face at all times without realizing it? That look of pure wonder that vanishes (for most people) when you're in middle school? Well I lost in first grade. It was replaced by a mask of arrogance and cockiness to hide all the pain I felt. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
When I was a kid my family was always AWAY. The only person in my family who wasn't constantly out of the country was my grandfather. So for a while my older brother, twin sister and I lived in his care, together, as siblings. *Sigh* Good times. Then in first grade my siblings left.They became famous because of our other family. They left their own sister alone even though they knew I was being bullied then. And my parents... well it was obvious they didn't want me. Imagine a six year old little girl knowing the world was a dark and cruel place that only wanted to hurt you and you'd get a pretty good idea of me back then. Gramps was the only one who loved me. Understood me. Sure he could be a bit blunt sometimes but he was still amazing. I remember this one time when he talked to me about loyalty.
"Grandpa why do I stand up for other people but they don't stand up for me?" "Well sweetie it's because you're loyal to them and they aren't very loyal to you." "Loyal? What's that?" " Loyalty Rainbow is when you'll stick by your friends and family even when they don't stand up for you. It's a wonderful blessing-" "Sounds like a curse." " I wasn't finished." " Sorry." "As I was saying it's wonderful blessing around you but sometimes it's a curse to you." "Does no one else have this?" "Only a few special people Dash, and you're one of them."
He always called me Izzie after an incident in middle school with my friend Emma. I guess I should tell you about Emma. She was one of the most loyal people I know. She was also a very good listener. Even when she moved in eighth grade, I would still call her when I needed help.
However the summer after freshmen year, Gramps died. He was killed in a car wreck. I could have saved him if I was just a little bit faster.
I needed my friends more than ever. But NO! That was when Sunset Shimmer ruined our friendship! I poured myself into sports and school. Pushing all big feelings to the side. Making my mask better.
When Twilight came the first time and made Applejack speak to me I was almost emotionless. All my emotions had been buried deep down and all others saw was my arrogance, which by now had been defined as my "core personality trait". So when I saw Applejack wanting to talk to me after , what? Two years? Then I discover why we aren't friends? Yet I still forgave her. Stupid loyalty!
Flash forward, Battle of the Bands. The sirens made old fears come back. Old pains. As did trying to be friends with Sunset. I made my mask better. I wrote "Awesome as I wanna Be". I HATE THAT SONG. It's one big lie. I was ready to kiss Sunset when she stopped it. I do like playing the guitar though; it's one of my life's few joys.
Friendship Games, nothing happened during the games but after... Oh... So that's when it started. For real this time.
"Hey Rainbow." I glanced up to see who it was.
"Oh hey Soarin." Soarin and I didn't know each other very well. In fact the only reason we knew each others name was because we were both soccer players.
"You were really cool out there, becoming half pony and saving us." I rolled my eyes.
" You must mean Sunset, she did in fact, save the world from certain doom."
" Eh, you all become half pony hybrids at some point." I playfully smacked his arm. Then I got a good long look at him. Not a quick glance, but a look. He was so toned.His smile designed to ensnare and entrance girls like me. His beautiful green eyes shone like emeralds, called me to him. Um no. Love wasn't a good thing in my book. I wouldn't play this game.
I smiled and said," Listen, I've got to go to a picnic with the girls, BYE!" I tried to leave but he grabbed my arm.
"Do you want to hang out later?"
"Sure" I said before I could stop myself. Curse his beautiful eyes and enchanting smile! I keep musing over his good looks and wonderful politeness until I got to the picnic. "Sorry I'm late guys! I ran into someone and they wouldn't let me leave!" Not that I wanted to. Gah! Annoying girly feelings!
" No problem sugercube, Rarity just got here too."
" Oh please darling, I had priorities!" Applejack rolled her eyes.
"Yah mean like makeup?"
"Of course!" Rarity looked at me. " Who'd you bump into?"
" Um... no one... just Soarin."
"Oh... Do you like him?"
"WHAT? No." Then a bunch of thought came threw my head.Do I like him? Of course not. I hardly know the guy. But he's so cute! GAH! STUPID GIRLY THOUGHTS!
"Okay then." Rarity said with an evil smirk.
"Oh dear..." Fluttershy said softly.
Well my plan to not fall for Soarin lasted a good three weeks. After that we were in a wonderful (but secret) relationship. Then after a while we... hooked up. We were very very drunk that night and I don't remember most of it. Ihoped and prayed thought Soarin didn't either. Then something happened between us and we broke up.
I went threw the five stages of grief as normal. Denial I didn't really go threw because I learned early on that denying things did not make them better. Anger lasted a little longer. I was always in a bad mood during that phase.
"Sugercube are you OK?" "I'm fine." Applejack had been following me around all day and it was starting to get on my nerves. "Are yah sure? You've been acting mite strange for a while."
Oh so that's why you've been following me around all day. Well Miss Stalker if you must know... As you can see I was in one of my worst moods.
Bargaining was next. That phase was interesting because Pony Twilight came to check up on us. That was also kinda awkward with Human Twilight and Sunset dating, and Pony Twi didn't know that. We were all at Pinkie's for a sleepover when it happened. Applejack had challenged me to a rematch at video games. Normally I would have said yes but that day the only thing on my mind was, what if? What if I had been better to him? What if I had never met him? Would I be spared this pain? What if? My thoughts were interrupted by Applejack. "Rainbow Dash, what's wrong? You just started staring into space and that's mitey unlike you."
"No"
"I beg your pardon?"
" I said no. I don't want to rematch you in video games, you always when anyways, so what's the point?" Everyone stared at me.
"You. Just. Admitted. Applejack. Is. Better. Than. You. At. Something." Fluttershy said emphasizing each word to make sure she got it all. I had accidentally let my mask side off. And it felt great. But somehow I still needed it.
"I... uh... maybe?" Great job you numb skulk now more explaining. Rarity broke the silence.
"Darlings I think i know what's made Rainbow act so strange."
" Oh really? I sure don't" Pony Twilight said.
" Rainbow everyone, if I'm correct, has been brokenhearted for some time now."
"WHAT?!"
"Rainbow, is that true?" Sunset asked. I didn't reply. I just looked at the floor.
"Oh my. What happened?" Fluttershy asked concerned.
"I... don't want to talk about it."
"O-okay."
Depression was okay. My friends were there for me and I got a lot of ice cream from Rarity. Now I normally don't like ice cream that much but I was stuffing myself. Not really good for an athlete, but HEY! I was depressed.
After a while I was (for the most part) over Soarin. Life was normal or as close as you can get. Pinkie Pie had even started talking about random things again. (She TRIED to stop when I was heartbroken. Key word TRIED.)
"I'm just saying life would be better without periods!"
"I see what you mean Pinkie but everything in life happens for a reason."
"I agree with Pinkie."
"Not you too Fluttershy!" Pinkie and Twilight were discussing the importance of periods.
I was about to say something when I realizedI haven't had a period in two months! That means.... WHOA WHOA WHOA it could mean anything! *Mental sigh* I need to stop kidding myself. But could I really be... pregnant?
" Uh... Dashie? HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOO?"
"W-what?" I was snapped back into reality by Pinkie Pie. Everybody was looking at me with concern. " Sorry guys, totally zoned out."
"We noticed sugercube... Ya know you've been doing that a lot recently. Ya'll okay?" I rolled my eyes. Ever since Rarity's " proclamation" that I had a broken heart, everyone was going out of their way to make sure I was OK.
"I'm fine." Boy that was a lie.
When I got home I ran upstairs to where the pregnancy tests were. (They were from my time with my friend Emma, DON'T ASK.) I took it and waited. It came out positive. I laid down on my bed and cried. What else could I do? I was pregnant with my ex's kid. Of course Soarin was the father.Pregnant with your ex's kid. Those words rang threw my head. I could imagine what everyone would say.
" You should have been more responsible."
"Slut."
"Worthless."
And they'ed be right. More importantly I couldn't afford a kid. After Gramps died, he left me his HUGE house. My other family only gave me money for 6 weeks. Which is awful because they. Are. All. Rich. I had to get 4 jobs to keep the house. I was going to sell it but my heart wouldn't let me. It was the only piece of Gramps I had left. It was hard enough to pay the bills but a KID? I wanted this kid to have a good life, so, adoption? Until then, I'll hide my *Ahem* condition. So I did. I got pills to hide my morning sickness. I used this weird corset thing to make my size normal. And I somehow managed to control my cravings.
However as my due date came closer, I found myself in a sticky situation.I can't give birth here! What to do what to do? Hmm... I found a place called Madam's School For Girls. It was a home for girls like me. I found where I was going to give birth. I then told everybody that I had a stomach infection and was going to get it treated. Rarity watched my house. I offered to pay her but she declined. " I'm doing it as a favor. Plus, this is one of my favorite houses."
When I got there I met a girl named White Rose. Shewasis a great friend. I told her about my life and she told me about her's. Apparently her family ditched her as soon as they learned she was expecting. " Which is why," she concluded," I am going to keep my child, for they are the only family I have." I wished I had her courage. But I couldn't keep my kid. Or kids. I was having twin girls. White Rose was waiting to find out the gender of her child.
At last my time came. At my side was White Rose for support and the doctor for obvious reasons. "You're doing great Rainbow, the head's out!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH OOOOHHHHH IT HURTS!"
" I know." White Rose had given birth the week before and was comforting me in this road of endless pain.
"That's it! Your first daughter is born! And I must say she is a beauty!" The sound of a baby crying soon filled the room. I must say it filled me with, content. I didn't know why. As the nurse cleaned my new daughter I had the other one. Childbirth sucks. The nurse cleaned her up and wrapped both newborns in blankets.
" Do you want to hold them?" I looked at White Rose. She gave me an encouraging nod.
"Yes." I got to see my daughters' faces for the first time. The older one had rainbow hair like me but with horizontal stripes instead of vertical. She light blue skin and beautiful purple eyes. I named her Ragtag. The younger one had many shades of blue in her hair, a little darker blue skin skin, and amazing teal eyes. I named her Shooting Star. I couldn't give them away, they were my very life now.
" So," White Rose said," What do you think?"
" All that I've faced, everything that made me want to cry, all those hardships," I looked at my children's faces. "I know it was all worth it."