//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4: Granny Smith 
// Story: Hitch-22 
// by SheetGhost 
//------------------------------//


1.


At first nobody knew that Mayor Mayor was even in the election. Not even Mayor Mayor, who'd sequestered herself inside the library until she could fix her hair. Nobody noticed because nobody ever went to the library except for the strange pony with the indistinct cutie mark. In order to ward off all the ponies who didn't want to go to the library, Mayor Mayor had put up a sign that read, 'closed for renovations.'

When the pony with the indistinct cutie mark barreled his way past this, Mayor Mayor came up with a better idea and wrote another sign. This one read: 'The building is on fire, run away!' This sign was so effective it managed to fool the strange pony with the indistinct cutie mark, who didn't bother her until after the rain made the sign soggy and unreadable. It also managed to fool the pegasi weather patrol fire brigade, who dumped a large rain cloud on the building to put out the fire. This made the roof leak even worse, and soaked Mayor Mayor and almost all of the books in the library.

The roof of the library always leaked, even when it was sunny outside and not a cloud in the sky. Back in the day when a droplet of water would land on her head, she would go outside and look to see if some pegasus was playing pranks on her, but nowadays she couldn't be bothered. She waited in the library and let the rhythmic drops of water from nowhere drop on her head. It was certain at some point to drive her completely mad. In order to stay sane, she kept reminding herself how much she hated almonds. She knew the instant she felt any sort of affection or appetite for the food, she'd have to see a psychiatrist immediately.

If the water droplets didn't drive her mad, the strange pony with the indistinct cutie mark would. He or she would often barrel in during the middle of the afternoon, just as Mayor Mayor was beginning to relax. It was hard to tell if the strange pony with the indistinct cutie mark was a stallion or a mare. Its features were androgynous, its cutie mark was several indistinct shapes that were almost real ones. There was almost a triangle, but not quite, almost a circle, but it was a little off, and so on and so on. It was as though a demented child had taken a crayon to the pony's flank and failed at drawing all the shapes it knew. 

"A glocklim!" The pony with the indistinct cutie mark shouted. 

"What?" Asked Mayor Mayor. "Glocklim?"

"I need a glocklim," the pony with the indistinct mark said.

"We don't have any books or authors with that name on file," Mayor Mayor said, "I told you that last time."

"It's not a book! I need a glocklim. Don't you have one?" The pony with the indistinct cutie mark was pleading with her, frustration and need all mixed up in its features. Mayor Mayor wanted to help him or her, she just didn't know how.

"What's a glocklim, do you mean a clock-" Mayor Mayor paused to think, she couldn't think of many things that could sound like glocklim. "-lens?

"No! A glocklim! Every library should have a glocklim!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mayor Mayor confessed.

The pony with the indistinct cutie mark threw up his or her hooves and let out a long frustrated moan. It stomped off, slamming the rickety door behind it, giving up until the next day where the entire exchange would happen again. Mayor Mayor wished she could do something to help him or her, but nobody she asked knew what a glocklim was. Sometimes she wondered if she wasn't just hallucinating the whole thing.

The problem of the pony with the strange cutie mark and the fire brigade was solved when the vandal finally got around to writing CONDEMNED over the top of Mayor Mayor's sign. Neither showed up to bother her ever again after that.



2.


The vandal was one of the numerous problems that faced Ponyville that would've been a hot button issue in the election if anyone had known it was going on. One of the few people who did know it was going on was Granny Smith, who had many connections in the town that kept her informed of community developments. After learning that Mayor Mayor was running for mayor, Granny Smith swore to do everything in her power to stop Mayor Mayor from being elected.

"Mayor Strawpony has been a darn good mayor to Ponyville," Granny Smith told her family, who were all given explicit instructions to vote for Mayor Strawpony if things came to that. "I don't agree with some young upstart tryin' to sneak into the job."

In truth, Granny Smith had her own, completely non-nefarious reasons for wanting Strawpony to remain the mayor. In order to destroy Mayor Mayor and prevent her from becoming the mayor, she first went about trying to figure out what could drive a person to want to become the mayor of Ponyville.

First things first, she went to see Mayor Mayor herself at the library. Granny Smith was more spry in those days, but her gait was still slow, and her hip often hurt when she went long distances. The library was closed though, and a sign claimed that it was on fire. Mayor Mayor was still in hiding because she'd bleached her hair white by accident. Granny Smith hadn't been born yesterday, she didn't see any smoke and suspected foul play right away. She knocked on the door. No one answered

"I know you're in there," she said. When no one answered again, Granny Smith decided to take matters into her own hooves and show her what even an old Apple could do. She bucked the door open, and immediately regretted it, howling in pain as her hip, worn from years of bucking apple trees, protested at such strenuous abuse.

No one was inside the library. Mayor Mayor was at the post office, head wrapped in a bonnet and her tail hidden under a cape. She was being paid to forge and modify shipping documents for the mailponies so that their late night shipments to the town hall wouldn't be found out about. Everybody knew about the late night shipments to the town hall because Mr. McFeely, the mailpony in charge, kept bumping into everyone at night.

"She's running for mayor?" Quill Filing was overjoyed to hear the news. His new companion was also overjoyed to learn about it, but she wouldn't stop eating almonds long enough to say so.

"That's what I said," Granny Smith said, she'd had to rest for a few hours after bucking open the library door. Her hip still twanged in protest, but this matter was important to the survival of Ponyville, the community she'd practically founded. "Do you reckon you know why?"

Quill Filing was surprised that anyone even had to ask. He looked as his hoof, as if making sure he was well groomed. Perhaps he expected to play some pivotal part in the upcoming campaign. "Why, it's her destiny of course. One just doesn't have the name Mayor Mayor by accident you know."

Granny Smith gave the mad pony a skeptical look. She didn't believe in monikerology. For one thing, she was certain that not one of the Apple family was ever effected by such nonsense. For another, it sounded like something Madam Pie would believe in. Granny Smith disapproved of Madam Pie, and wanted nothing to do with her flim flam philosophies. One of Granny Smith's few remaining ambitions in life was outliving Madam Pie. Her other ambition was to destroy Mayor Mayor, which took precedence.

"Mayor Mayor?" Asked Carrot Cake, who was busy trying to run a fledgling business. "I haven't seen her in years. Didn't she move to Canterlot? Honey-bun, didn't Mayor Mayor move to Canterlot? I remember we invited her to the wedding, but she didn't attend."

Cup O'Sugar, now Cup Cake, finished shoving a fresh batch of her new namesake into an oven. She turned to regard her husband and the matron Apple, her face was covered in flour. "Let me think. Well, yes, she sent a card wishing us well, but saying she was going to Canterlot. I don't remember why."

"There you go, moved to Canterlot. Can I interest you in a cupcake?"

After Granny Smith bought a dozen cupcakes from Sugarcube corner, she checked with Davenport. Davenport didn't know much more then the Cakes, he did however, have a sofa that was just right for Granny Smith. He even let her sit in it and eat a cupcake, taking a load off her weary hooves and letting her smarting hip rest. He did mention that he knew Mayor Mayor was working at the library, but he'd never seen her there because he bought all his books brand new.

Granny Smith didn't buy a sofa. Celestia's sun was beginning to droop when she came to her final destination. The house that belonged to Riches was large, fenced, and grandiose. She disapproved of the Riches style of living, but by allowing them to handle all the selling of the bulk quantity of Sweet Apple Acres product, she was able to allow her family to continue to live the simple, settler life that she approved of. It was a natural alliance.

In truth, it was the Riches who were beholden to the Apples. If the product dried up, the Riches would crumble back into poverty within a generation.



3.



It didn't take long at all for Granny Smith to convince Filthy Rich to agree to finance Mayor Strawpony's campaign. All the same, the sun had set by the time she left. The offer had been extended for her to stay the night, but she turned it down. The idea of sleeping in gaudy silk sheets made her fur crawl along her wrinkles. 

A lazy darkness had settled around Ponyville, and anyone else would be paranoid of bumping into the monsters of the everfree that might come out at night. Granny Smith was not, because she'd personally bucked many a monster of the everfree right in the jaw in her youth. None of those monsters ever came back for another licking. She was a little concerned about running into Madam Pie, but that had more to do with dislike then fear.

Granny Smith didn't run into a monster or Madam Pie on her way back to Sweet Apple Acres. Instead she ran into McFeely, who bumped into her and dropped the large crate he was helping to carry on his young apprentice, who yelped in audible pain. 

For a moment they just stared at each other, and then Granny Smith blinked. "What're..."

"Ooo! I am Madam Pie! I have bumped into you to scare you! Oooo! Run away! Ooo!" McFeely said, shaking his front hooves at her as if casting a curse.

"My eyes ain't so old as that. I can see you right there. You're the mailpony," Granny smith said.

McFeely had assumed since that he couldn't see anyone distinctly, nobody could see him. His clever plan to pretend to be Madam Pie to the people he inevitably bumped into rested on that idea. Since Granny Smith could see him, this situation presented a problem. He paused in his hoof shaking for a moment to try to figure out how to solve it. A clever idea occurred to him. "I am Madam Pie! I transformed into the mailpony to confuse and frighten you! Run away!"

Granny Smith walked away, having used up her patience for nonsense earlier in the day. 

Relieved that had worked, McFeely set his hooves down. It might have been extra awkward if he'd run into Madam Pie herself. He let the tension blow out in a deep exhale. He was especially relieved it hadn't been that creepy vandal who'd accosted him. Every once in awhile they'd bump into each other, and the vandal would stare at him with wild, bloodshot eyes.

"In a couple hours," the vandal would mutter, over and over. "In a couple hours."

McFeely shuddered at the memory. No, he didn't enjoy the idea of running into the vandal again at all. He looked at the clock tower to catch the time, since he had a nagging feeling he was forgetting something. He couldn't see the hands, so he took off his thick round glasses, rubbed them, then looked again. He still couldn't see the hands. There was something important he was forgetting. Very important.

"H-help."

Oh, yeah, that was it.


4.


With the money she'd earned from forging documents for the mailponies, Mayor Mayor finally had enough for a trip to Manehattan. Manehatten was the place for her, where she'd finally get a job at a respectable library and live a cosmopolitan life. She'd even bleached her hair in preparation. There was only one problem: her hair had gone white instead of blonde.

For a long time she hid in the library, embarrassed by the flowing white locks that poofed  from her head. She wasn't sure it was an improvement from pink. It clashed less, but it made her seem older. Her work in the mailroom to hide the packages of whatever the mailponies were sending to town hall at night was done with her hair hidden quite well. Nobody ever asked why she'd taken to wearing clothes and hats, but it was just because nobody cared.

With her bits beginning to build, and her patience with Ponyville beginning to wane, she began to consider the possibilities of white hair. Perhaps she was looking at it all the wrong way. Mayor Mayor looked ridiculous with white hair, but she was not going to be Mayor Mayor in Manehattan. No, she would move on and become a whole new pony, one far better then the child of an almond grubbing nut. Someone who hadn't excused her mother from the scene just for having the temerity to be born. Someone important, someone intelligent, someone who had lots of friends.

She would be Scroll Binding, and Scroll Binding wouldn't look ridiculous with white hair. Mayor Mayor looked at her mirror and imagined herself as Scroll Binding. Scroll Binding looked mature and wise. She looked like the old librarian.

Mayor Mayor was happy with herself, and though she wore her bonnet and cape while doing so, she booked the train for Manehattan the next day.

Manehattan Library, unlike the one in Canterlot, did background checks on the ponies applying to become librarians. They found out that Scroll Binding didn't exist, and Mayor Mayor was nobody important.

She was back in Ponyville a week later.