Continued...
“A couple of months ago, I would start to black out more often… I would end up somewhere in the middle of the Everfree forest with no knowledge how I got there but the scary part was that… I was covered in blood.” But I felt good in blood, “I didn’t know where I’d be going or what I was doing. It made no sense to me. I me-”
“Wait a second. Stop. What do you mean black out more often? Has this happened to you before? Why is it so bad?” Soarin interrupted while holding out his hoof. I groan at his impatience, but he was persistent. I never meant for him to find out like this…
“Maybe… Maybe I should start at the beginning of when it started, when I was only a young colt. I knew that I was different… But how different, I only discovered a couple months ago. I had… Abilities, per se. I would black out once in awhile and then wake up in places I had never heard of or seen before... “ I struggle to keep my composure, it was such a different time then. I had been terrified…
“What do you mean abilities?” Soaring cuts in before I can continue. WIth a shaky breath, I keep telling my story, ignoring his interruption.
“It scared me.” I loved it, the voice in my head says. “There were times that I thought I was going crazy!” I chuckle a bit but in the back of my head, I knew that somehow I was going crazy. “I came accustomed to sleepless nights and I had a bad temper… I remember one time… My abilities almost costed somepony’s life…” I whisper while getting lost in the memory.
Flashback
“Tag you’re it!” I screamed at the young colt I was playing with and ran off in the opposite direction. The young colt laughed and chased after me, extending his neck far out to touch me.
“I’m going to get you!” yelled the young colt, while gaining speed. I shook my head with a laugh and galloped faster.
“You can’t get me!” I shouted, finally getting to the safe zone and stopping. Breathing heavily, I let out a chuckle when I saw my friend scowling at me. I stuck my tongue out at him and squished my face together, I couldn’t see very well when I did that. My colt friend then came running at me, full speed with no intent to stop and he hit me really hard. I got really angry after that and I used my strength to bring harm to a pony.
I remember beating that colt until he was bleeding all over and yet, I didn’t have a scratch on me. I could feel the adrenaline seeping through my veins but what scared me was that… I liked it. I couldn’t take it… My mind was telling my body to stop but… My body, it didn’t listen. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, my body complied and I ripped myself from the colt. He was barely moving but I think he got really mad too because he retaliated and hit me.
I must have gotten really mad and blacked out because the last thing I remembered was that I roared and charged at him again…
Later at night, I found myself in the forest covered in… In blood… I thought it was the colts and I felt so disgusted with myself, I was petrified. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran. I kept running and running until I came home. My mom passed away when I was younger so it was only my dad and me. When I walked through the door, my dad was writing and calculating equations for his huge science thing that he was working on.
“Dad…?” I remember asking and he looked up. He was shocked and he even looked scared.
“Son…” He breathed out, “What happened?” He asked while coming closer to me with a cloth that he grabbed from the table. I bursted into tears.
“I-I do-don’t kn-k-know d-da-dad!” I cried out, rushing forward to hug him. My dad clutched me hard to his chest while I sobbed. I felt the fear rush out of me when my dad hugged me. He felt safe and like home. It was a moment between son and father.
“Flash… You have to try and tell me, okay?” My dad said softly after a couple of minutes of silence. I nodded in his chest and let go of him. He gestured for me to sit down and knelt in front of me. He used the cloth to wipe away the blood and grime that covered me. I took a shaky breath and explained what happened to him in full detail. Horror filled me when I realized what I had done in the end, that colt could have been dead. Fresh tears had started when I realized that and it was even scarier when my dad looked at me.
My dad had always been such a loving father and always got me out of all my troubles. He helped me with homework, he went to all my races, he cooked for me, he was like a regular dad should be like. Though, as a scientist, he would often have to leave to go to his lab for experiments. I often went with him and helped him out, little did I know that it would be a mistake.
Though, the moment my dad looked up, I was thought I was going to see understanding but still disgust in his face… But I was wrong. I was very much wrong. When he looked up, he wore a mask of guilt.
End of flashback
“I didn’t understand why he wore that expression. He left after that… But he always came back and took care of me though he killed himself a year later. My dad… He left behind notes and labs. I didn’t understand until I got his letter last year. He had it dated so that it could later be mailed when I was old enough. It explained everything.” I gulp and shake a bit while looking up at Soarin.
“What did the letter contain?” Soarin asks gruffly, after I stay silent for a few moments.
“I was experimented on… My dad, like I said before, was a scientist. His entire life was devoted to science and he was trying to figure out how to cheat death. To become immortal. I never knew when I was younger but I was his rat. He loved me a lot but he used me,” I spit out the word used, “But that’s not the only thing, he used my mother too. My mother died when I was even smaller than a colt but she killed herself because of his experiments. She didn’t have the heart to take me too though.”
“So, you were a lab rat? But how does this fit in with what you’re telling me?” Soarin asks confused.
“My dad explained in the letter that when I was younger, I had a rare the rare disease of lymphocytic leukemia. My mother left me because she thought I would die later too but she was wrong. My dad, he didn’t want me to die because his beloved already died so… He used me and experimented on me to find a cure. He cured me but he also changed me. He changed my DNA and I got… Abilities per se… I’m stronger, I can do things but I black out and don’t remember things. I… I have a voice inside my head that keeps telling me to kill and… I can’t… I became… I became a monster. I am a monster.” When I finish my sentence, I look away knowing that I will lose my best colt friend ever. I am a monster, I’m a murderer and most of all, I’m an abomination to the world.
“Did you ever kill somepony?” Soarin asks quietly. I shake my head no but I almost did. Almost.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” He asks simply, I shrug. Tears stinging my eyes, I swallow and look at Soarin.
“I couldn’t… H-How could I?” I question, it hangs in the air and all Soarin does is stare. The next thing he does surprises me, he hugs me. I thought he would run but… He didn’t. He’s still here!
Not for long… The voice laughs evilly.
You won’t kill him! I scream at the voice. Oblivious to the voice in my head, Soarin lets me go and sits in front of me.
“Why didn’t you leave? I’m a monster!” I cry out to Soarin. My heart clenching, I force myself to look at him straight in his eyes.
“Because when I was down and needed help, you were there. Now, it’s my turn to help you. You aren’t alone anymore, Flash. You deserve to be happy after all these horrible things that your father did to you.” My lip trembling, I smile for the first time in days. The burden of doing everything alone seems to be lifted a tad lighter than before.
“I still love him after everything, you know? He was the only family I had left after my mother died.” I whispered, glancing around the cave. Mold covered the stones and jagged holes were everywhere showing the last effects of mother nature.
“He was family, so of course. But you know... He only wanted to save you. He may have done things wrong but his intentions were pure.” Soarin says softly. I shrug and let silence envelope us. A moment passes and when I look at Soarin, he is deep in thought. Curious, I tilt my head to the side and send a questioning expression in his direction.
“Oh my Celestia! I figured it out! Do you have your dad's labs?!?” Soarin shouts and jumps to his hooves. I nod, though I am still confused.
“Yeah, but why?” I ask, scrunching up my nose.
“Maybe… Maybe we can reverse what your father did. Twilight,” I flinch at her name, "Can help us, I’m sure. All we need to know is what he did and how.” Soarin says smirking. He glances at me and I grin widely even with my heavy heart. Hope swells in my chest and I see a future ahead. A future with no monster.
Maybe, I can finally be with Twilight.