//------------------------------// // 28 - Mr. Roberts Goes To Canterlot // Story: The Memoirs Of A Reality Jumper // by Techogre //------------------------------// Dash and I were sitting under the tree in the backyard, enjoying the cool night air. I was at the base with my back against the trunk, and Dash was leaning against my chest. I had my arms wrapped around her and was holding her hoof, running my thumb along her toe. “So, next week. Can you come with me and Twilight?” I moved my arm and slowly stroked her soft mane. I could still catch the scent of lilacs. “I would love to have you there with me. You know, for moral support.” Dash didn’t answer right away. Instead, she snuggled closer and sighed. Finally, she simply replied, “Try and stop me.” We stayed like that for a while longer. I was enjoying the warmth of her body against mine, the feel of her silky mane, her own scent mingled with that fragrance of lilacs she wore on that fateful night. “You're wearing that perfume all the time now.” I smiled, teasing her a little, “You're not just wearing it for me, are you?” Her wings flexed but quickly relaxed, “No. Well, maybe.” She sounded frustrated, “I don’t know. I guess, I guess it’s because it makes me feel like a mare. Like you do.” She sniffed, “You must think I’m a dope.” “Why would I think that? I know you’ve had issues on that subject, but I’ve never thought of you as anything but a mare. Anyway, I think it matches your natural scent perfectly, and if it makes you feel more like the beautiful mare you are, then that’s much more important than any opinion I have. Dash, you know I love you for you, and that will not change.” I hugged her tighter, “And I hate to break it to you, beautiful, but you’re stuck with me.” It had been a hectic week, getting everything organized and ready. I managed to book three rooms at the Ritz-Canterton, one of Canterlot’s five-star hotels. The rooms were side by side and included a suit specially designed for the needs of a pegasus like Dash. I hoped she would be comfortable. I had been considering what to do about the Flim Flam brothers. What they did to Trixie was uncalled for. I regretted offering them a job the more I thought about it. I wrote a short note that I wanted to see them while I was in Canterlot. I included the hotel, room number, and a small stipend for travel and room expenses. I made sure only to include enough for an average hotel, not the swanky joint we were staying at. I was not about to reward their actions. I was also happy the paperwork was almost complete. ‘Hopefully, once I get the plans from the architect, I’ll be able to present them to the town council.’ Also, during this crazy week, Dash and I spent more time with Scootaloo. In fact, we had supper together every night. We were going to be out of town all next week, so I decided to catch up a little in advance, as it were. We had walked Scootaloo back to the orphanage and were just saying goodbye. “Scootaloo, remember when I told you earlier this week Dash and I are going to Canterlot for the week? Well, tomorrow’s the day, pumpkin. We won't be back until next week, but don't you worry, we won't forget you.” I dropped to a knee and put my arms out, and that little ball of orange energy almost knocked me on my backside. She hugged me tight, “I'm going to miss you, Alex.” “We'll miss you too, pumpkin,” and for the first time, I dared kiss her forehead. I didn't give a damn about the appropriateness. “I’ll miss you.” I glanced up at Miss Sweetheart, and she was smiling. Dash joined our hug, “I’ll miss you too, squirt,” she mussed up her mane, then hesitatingly, gave her forehead a kiss too. Scootaloo looked up at us in disbelief, looking back and forth between me and Dash. Her face was the very definition of joy, and all she could do was hug us even tighter. Dash and I made eye contact for a moment, and then she looked lovingly at Scootaloo and kissed her again. That truly confident expression was in her eyes, and I knew, I knew for sure she loved that little filly as much as I did. Dash and I finally said our goodbyes, and we walked toward my cottage in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Out of the blue, she tapped my thigh, “I'm upset with you, Alex Roberts.” I looked at her in hurt innocence. “Before I met you, if any pony would have told me I would be thinking about being a mom, I would have told them they were bucking nuts. Now, being a mom and a wife is looking really good.” She nuzzled against me, and I stroked her mane. “You know, even being a Wonderbolt would only be a bonus now. Heck, I'm not even sure I want to be one anymore. I mean, all my friends are in Ponyville and all the stuff I do as an element is just as exciting as any stunt show. And being a Wonderbolt would mean being away from you and Scoots.” “Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I realize the important things to me are you and Scoots and my friends. I want to give her what I never had: a loving dad and, I hope, a strong mom. So, Alex, you can see why I'm so upset with you.” Before leaving to pack, Dash and I kissed, and she ran her hooves on my back. I was glad she had gotten past the scars. I hated the idea of being disgusting to her. I had already been packing all week, so I only had a little left to do. Once everything was done, I stood in the spare room for almost an hour, just looking around and imagining it decorated for a little pegasus girl. I promised myself I would pick up a few Wonderbolt posters and some stuffed toys, maybe a set of goggles if I could find them. My thoughts drifted to Dash, ‘I want to make her an honest woman, don’t I?’ I was hesitant to actually pop the question until I could have a conversation with Ann. But I was beginning to wonder why I was waiting. What was really holding me back? ‘Hell, what isn’t holding me back? I’m still married, and that would feel like the blackest betrayal. I’ve been through hell, literally, and anyone else would jump at a chance for a loving marriage. I know I’m being foolish, but those eighty-year-old vows still mean something to me.’ The train station was like every other train station: crowded with fellow business travellers and noisy. I was carrying my luggage on a cart, including all the rolled plans and paperwork I needed. I was surprised to see Dash carrying a suitcase in her mouth. I didn’t think she needed much for a week, ‘But what do I know.’ I smiled at her, “Hey, pretty lady, need a hand?” Dash smirked around the handle and heaved the suitcase onto the pile, “I’ll take both.” It continued to amaze me how ponies could speak pretty clearly, even with something in their mouth. While I was walking to our departure platform, I suddenly had the weirdest feeling, like both feet were stuck to the floor, and I was suddenly falling forward. The world went into slow motion, and I saw a light aquamarine unicorn beneath me. Their horn was about to slam into the soft spot just below my sternum. As I felt the tip of the horn touching my skin, I realized I was hovering, my outstretched hands brushing against their chest, a few centimetres from the ground, and a razor-sharp horn pressing on my valuable skin. “Alex, are you okay?” Dash's hooves were under my armpits, and her strong wings easily lifted me back to my feet. My hand moved to the small hole in my shirt, and I saw beneath the hole a little drop of blood, hidden from view by the red tee shirt. Luckily, it was just a little hole and a tiny scratch, no big deal. “I’m just fine, thanks to you, sweetheart.” I knelt down to help the young mare up to her hooves. “I’m really sorry about almost falling on to you, Miss...” “Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings. I’m so sorry I bumped into you.” The whole time, she was looking at my hands and had a slightly manic grin. This wasn’t the first time a pony was fascinated by my hands, but never to this extent or with that kind of smile. I started to put my hand out for her to examine, but Dash placed herself between us. Dash’s voice had a forced friendliness, “Hey, Lyra, watch where you’re going next time. Alex, my special friend, could get hurt. Nobody wants that to happen, right? Nobody wants to get hurt, right?” Lyra blinked and seemed to snap out of whatever place she was, “Oh. No. I would never want that to happen to him.” The pause was just a little too long, “O-or anyone. Yeah, nobody needs to get hurt.” Her eyes lingered on my hands in an appraising way. “Well, nice to finally meet you, Mr Roberts. Very nice.” The estrogen was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I didn't realize mares were so territorial. I had thought it was just the unique situation between Dash, Applejack, and myself. I realized saying anything at that moment would upset her, so I kept my mouth shut. I gave Lyra a simple little wave and turned my attention fully to Dash. I dropped to one knee and put my hand on her cheek, “I want to thank you so much for saving my life. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.” She kissed my palm, “You're lucky you're smooth. And, I know you're not the straying type, but...” Dash looked a little sad for a moment, then smiled and shrugged, looking me in the eye. I smirked, “It's okay. I understand. You've never had such a stunningly handsome and modest boyfriend, and you're worried every mare will try to steal me away. Well, you can stop worrying. When I've got the most awesome mare in all of Equestria, why would any other turn my head?” Dash smiled and gave me a throaty laugh, “You goof, come here.” While Dash was hugging me I noticed Lyra was still hanging out in the background, just watching us, that same weird smile fixed on her face. A single word crossed my mind, 'Creepy.' I heard Twilight's slightly manic voice, “I hope I'm not interrupting anything.” Without breaking the hug, “Absolutely not Twilight. Just hugging my best girl.” I kissed Dash on the cheek and turned to Twilight. She had a forced smile, but I figured she was just uncomfortable with Dash and me showing affection. I told her about the heroic save Dash made. I gestured to the luggage cart and bowed, “And I would be pleased to carry your luggage, madam.” I noticed Dash was looking at me with some pride. Twilight relaxed a little and smiled, “Why thank you, sir.” Dash was lying in the seat opposite me and Twilight, snoring softly. The four-hour ride to Canterlot always bored her and she needed her sleep anyway. I’ve since learned that it’s fairly normal for pegasus to sleep more than other ponies. For the first half hour or so, Twilight just sat beside me, nervously, almost jumping out of her skin every time I shifted. I finally got fed up, “Hey, Twilight, I don’t bite.” She smiled nervously at me, “Look, let’s talk science. I know you’ve done research and you’ve asked me questions formally, but I would like to just, you know, just chat. I was always a science buff, heck I still am, and you’re the smartest person I know.” Twilight seemed to brighten up and relax a little, “Oh, well, alright. That sounds fun. What kind of science do you want to talk about?” I smirked, “How about something you may know a little about, something I’m clueless about, like magic? It was always just fictional where I grew up.” Twilight leaned towards me, happy to be able to lecture, “Oh, but you’re wrong. It does seem to exist in a very weak and fragile form, based on what I’ve researched. I found a copy of Authentic Thaumaturgy by Isaac Bonewits. His theories, while they have a heavy element of mumbo jumbo, are sound. If I was in a very low magic environment, that’s how I would have to more or less do it. In our world, mental imagery and constructed emotional states do not have to be as exact to work. In yours, even the slightest doubt or incorrect thought would cause any spell cast to collapse like a house of cards.” “In fact,” her eyes narrowed, and she slowly tapped her chin, “I wonder if you might be able to use magic here.” I smirked at her, “No way. I can’t see myself making with the magic. But, when I have some time later, I would love to give it a try.” Twilight’s expression fell, her voice sad, “Yeah, later. Heh heh, we’ll try it,” she gulped, “later.” What the heck is wrong with this mare? Why is she acting so weird? I smiled, “Anyway, magic is for another day. I think I’ll just enjoy the scenery and Dash.” Twilight silently agreed, and sat pensively looking out the window. I spend the rest of the trip admiring my sleeping angel. Checking into the hotel was quick and easy. ‘I guess it’s a universal constant. Dropping a considerable pile of cash gets you good service.’ I had to give them credit, no one flinched or did a double take when we walked in, even if they weren’t overly friendly. However, once I paid for a full week in advance for the three rooms, it was all smiles and sunshine. To get the rooms I wanted, it cost almost double the usual rates, but it was worth it. A young grey unicorn with an orangish mane in a bellhop outfit started loading up our things to take them to my room, but I stopped him before he picked up the girl’s suitcases. “I’ll take care of those.” Dash and Twilight gave each other a look, then turned as one to me. Twilight started, “He’s a real gentlecolt Rainbow Dash, I like this one.” Dash smirked, “I agree.” She gave me an appraising look, “Very nice.” I bowed low and in my best Parisian French, “Mais certainement, mes jolies demoiselles.” Dash gave me a sultry smirk, “I like it when you talk like that. It really classes up the joint.” Twilight tittered and blushed. Then suddenly stopped and had a bittersweet smile, “Yes it does.” On the elevator ride up, I turned to Dash. “They had a room specifically for pegasus ponies, so I made sure you got it Dash. I’m not sure of the details, but, here you go.” I handed her the key with the cloud handle. “Twilight we’re in the two adjoining rooms.” I handed her a key with a stylized pony-head. As we got to the rooms I turned to the bellhop, “Ok, just pile it neatly, I’ll take care of unpacking.” I reached into my pocket, pulled out a ten-bit coin, and slipped it into his pocket, “Here you go, thanks for everything.” While the bellhop was doing his job, I led the girls off to the next room, the larger corner pegasus suite. “Allow me, Ms Dash.” I took the key back from Dash, opened the door and stepped in, or at least, I tried to step in. What I thought was a white carpet turned out to be a cloud. My foot went straight through and I fell to the concrete subfloor about a half meter down. I sort of tossed her suitcase but it landed on the cloud floor. Luckily, I managed to roll so the only thing hurt was my dignity. Between laughs, Dash managed, “Oh my gosh, Alex. Are you okay?” I popped out of the cloud layer and quipped, “Ah, so this is a pegasus room. I get it now.” Dash walked in, her approving expression pleasing me. Unlike me, her hooves were making soft yet solid contact with the cloud. “Very nice. Thank you, Alex.” I reached up from under and tried to touch her hoof, but when my hand got close, it was like that slippery field you notice when you bring two magnets together, only it was on my bare skin. “Heh, I guess I can’t tickle you from here.” She snickered and bent down a little and gave my forehead a kiss. As Twilight walked into the room, treading carefully on the clouds, she smirked and slowly shook her head, “You know, Alex, the next time just ask for a cloud-walking spell. It will only last about a day and a half with you, but still better than nothing.” Anyway, it was a really swanky place, well worth the three hundred and fifty bits per night, and I was sure Dash would be comfortable. Before leaving, I looked around the room. Almost everything except vertical surfaces was made of the same cloud material including the bed and most of the tables. Up close, it looked like cotton candy, not the wispy clouds of water vapour I thought of as clouds. I heard Dash from the back room, “Oh cool, a mini exercise room. Thanks, Alex. I can’t do my usual routines around Canterlot.” I could hear her rolling her eyes, “Restricted airspace.” Twilight and I snickered, knowing Dash was serious. I hesitated before entering Twilight's room, looking down before stepping in. I saw the walls looked the same, but the floor seemed to be made up of large square panels. ‘I guess they just put a floor in a pegasus room.’ Her room had a similar layout but had a study room with a direct note-sending and receiving device connected to the Royal Libraries at the castle. When Twilight saw this she had the happiest grin and started saying, “Thank you!” repeatedly as she hopped around. Dash and I both chuckled. “I thought you would like to do a little studying in comfort, and while this isn’t as comfortable as home, I hope it’s alright.” Twilight stopped bouncing and gave me a big hug, “Thank you, Alex. I’ll be able to spend time with Princess Celestia, visit my brother and his wife, keep in touch with the library, and everything.” She got a little sad expression, “I wish Spike could have come. He really likes Pony Joe's. Joe always made him this little turquoise-crusted doughnut.” “We should remember to stop by and get some made up for him. Not too many; I don't want him to get a tummy ache. Anyway, Scootaloo mentioned something about a big crusader's project this week, something called Cutie Mark Crusaders Changeling Investigators.” When Twilight and Dash looked at each other with slightly panicked expressions, I smiled. “Ladies, don't worry. They’re all good kids, even if they make the occasional mistake. I mean, how much trouble could three little fillies and a stalwart baby dragon get into, anyway?” I reflected on what I just said, 'Is this where I say that I feel a great disturbance in the force? No, I'm just being paranoid.' The bellhop popped his head in the doorway, “Sir, your things are all in your room, did you need anything else?” “No, that's great kid. Here's a little extra for your trouble.” I flipped him a second ten-bit coin, and he caught it deftly, “Thank you very much again, sir.” As he walked off, I commented, “He looks familiar. Is he from Ponyville?” Twilight piped up, “Actually, yes. He is the older brother of Snails. I teach all the unicorn children magic at the school. Cheerilee is a great teacher, but she's also an Earth Pony. Anyway, teaching the basics only helps me improve. It's only a few hours a week, and it's fun.” I beam with pride, “Dash has been teaching Scootaloo how to fly. I know she's doing an awesome job because I saw Scoots gliding. I mean, I know a little about her past, so in my book, that's amazing.” I smile and put my hand on Dash's cheek, “But, she has an amazing teacher.” She only kissed my palm in response. Twilight shifted uncomfortably but eventually gave us an awkward smile. I straightened up and put my hands on my hips. “So, how does this sound for a plan, you ladies relax while I set up my office, then at five we head down to the main dining room. I'll call ahead to make sure we have a table for three.” Dash fluttered up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “That sounds good to me,” she turned to Twilight, “good for you?” Twilight still had an awkward smile, “Sure, sounds great. I think I’m just going to relax and read a book. See you two later.” Once Twilight closed her door, Dash still hovering, a sultry smirk gracing her lips. “I can’t believe you were so thoughtful, to both of us.” She shook her head a little, “What am I saying? Of course, you are.” “Well, I owe you both so much, and you’ve both done so much for me. Especially you, Dash.” By now, my hand on her cheek caused her to kiss my palm automatically. “You’re my everything. You’ve given me my life back twice now. How could I not treat you like the princess you are? It’s how you deserve to be treated.” With my things unpacked and my temporary office setup, I got cleaned up and wandered down to the restaurant. Nothing fancy, just a comfortable dress shirt, a pair of dress pants, and red sneakers. I got there and spotted them sitting at a table on the outdoor patio. They were laughing, talking about their past adventures, and bringing up old jokes. Noticing a small flower stand, I decided to prank Dash. I had a dozen roses sent to their table, with a note, ‘To: Rainbow Dash, From: Your Secret Admirer’. I waited a full ten minutes before joining them. On the way, I heard the tail end of their conversation. Dash sounded like she was on the verge of tears, “Oh my gosh, but what if it’s not from him Twilight? He’ll freak out and leave me. Oh, Celestia, I don’t want that to happen Twi. I’ve never had someone so kind before. But if he did send them, I don’t want them not to be here.” ‘Ah crud. This didn’t go as planned. Why is she so damn paranoid? Man, she must have dated some real gems in the past.’ Twilight answered hurriedly, “Dash, don’t jump to conclusions. Anyway, Alex is a reasonable stallion. He would never leave you. I, I saw how he looked at you on the train trip while you were sleeping. We talked for a few minutes, but for most of the trip, he just watched you with this goofy smile on his face.” Dash’s expression became tender, smiling softly for a moment, then as if she remembered why she had been upset, her expression changed to one of fear. “I hope I have someone look at me like that one day when I sleep. I’m the first to admit I don’t have much experience in romance, but even I can tell he’s crazy about you, Rainbow.” Dash looked in my direction and gasped, then in a stage whisper, “Oh Gosh Bucking Darn It. He can see us, and I think he can hear us.” She started up again, louder than normal, “Hey, Twilight. These roses are a great appetizer, right?” She took a flower out of the bouquet and bit the end off. I saw Twilight jump a little as if she had been kicked. “Oh, yeah. Yummy.” Twilight did the same thing and grimaced a little. I thought I heard her mumble, “I hate roses.” The waiter led me to their table, and I was furiously trying to think of what to say to save face for everyone. By the time I was seated, I decided to admit my foolishness and apologize. But before I could open my mouth, Dash started speaking quickly. “Alex, I’m sorry, I don’t know who sent me these roses, but I would never leave you. Please, please, don’t be mad...” “Dash, I‘m the one who’s sorry. I sent the flowers as a prank. I should have realized it would cause you to react badly.” I took her hoof and knelt beside her, unable to look her in the eye, “Please forgive me. It was stupid and ill-conceived. I never should have made fun of your feelings like this. Please, I’m so sorry.” I heard a snort. I looked up, and I could tell Dash was holding back. I looked up in confusion. She kissed my forehead and finally started laughing, “Oh Alex, you’re so easy. The pony who brought the flowers said it was from a shaved diamond dog, and you’re the cutest one I know.” With a happy grin, big enough to make Pinkie Pie proud, Twilight added, “I suggested to Dash we have a fake conversation for you to ‘accidentally’ overhear. I for one, enjoyed playing the part of a pranker instead of a prankie.” Dash kissed my forehead again, “That’s right, big guy, you’ve just been pranked by the best.” I looked up at the two smiling mares and smirked. “Well, it’s good to know it took the most loyal and the most intelligent Elements of Harmony to prank me.” After a wonderful dinner with two people I greatly respected, we all agreed to call it a night. We walked Twilight to her room first, bidding her good night. Dash and I walked slowly to her room, and we spent a few minutes holding each other on her doorstep. She gave me a warm kiss and then leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “I’ll miss you until morning.” She pulled away, looking into my eyes as if she was memorizing every detail of my face. She smiled sadly, “Good night.” She stayed at her door, watching me go, and I was walking backwards so I didn’t miss a moment of her. I finally turned the corner and returned to my room, a little melancholy. I carefully put my clothes away and slipped my red tee shirt on. I needed some fresh air, so I went to the balcony, leaning on the rail, enjoying the cool evening air. No socks or shoes, wearing only my t-shirt and boxer shorts. I was a little chilly, but I had begun to appreciate small discomforts in this perfect world. Even this high up, I could tell Canterlot was a bustling city. Many of the sounds drowned each other out, making a sort of low-level white noise, but there was a sound that stood out in the city’s din, the sound of sadness. I stood and cupped my ears to figure out where it was coming from. It was hard to pin down because although it sounded close it was very faint. I finally pinpointed the sound. It was coming from the open balcony adjacent to mine. It was coming from Dash’s room. I realized I was a little underdressed but really didn't care. There was a pony who walked past me but didn’t blink an eye. ‘I guess when you walk around naked all the time, some guy in their underwear isn’t a big deal.’ I knocked and called out to her, "Dash, what's wrong." there was no response. I knocked again and spoke a little louder, "Dash, let me in. " She finally opened the door a crack, her voice weak, her eyes a little red, her cheeks tear-stained. Her voice was rough, “I thought I used enough pillows.” She sniffed, “Good hearing.” I smiled sadly, “The best. Now let me in.” Dash hesitated for a moment, then finally opened the door. I carefully stepped down to the solid floor below the cloud floor, “So what's wrong, sweetheart?” Dash sniffed again, “It's, it's stupid. You shouldn't have to worry about it. It’s just me being an idiot.” I put my hand on her cheek, “What do you mean don't worry about it. You’re crying, and you’re the person I love. There is nothing more important to me than your happiness. Nothing. Now I will hold you and comfort you until you spill the beans.” Dash laughed and cried at the same time. She held me tight. “You're awesome, you know that? I guess the problem is, I feel so stupid to say this, but I guess I'm just lonely. I have a handsome, one-of-a-kind special friend just next door, and he's not with me. But, now that you’re here, I guess it's all better now.” She kissed me slowly, tenderly, then looked deeply into my eyes, “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Could,” She looked at me with sadness and hope, “could we spend the night together? I promise no funny stuff, nothing you’re not comfortable with. Just cuddling.” She looked at the floor and gave a short laugh, “We’ll be better off in your room, though.” I hesitated before answering, a little unsure, then finally knew what I had to say. “Sure, that sounds wonderful.” I climbed out of Dash’s room, much to her amusement, and we went to my room. I fell asleep with Dash’s head on my chest, and the rest of her snuggled against me. The last thing I remember is her stretching out her wings and thinking how soft and perfect they were. When I woke up, she was gone, but she left a simple little note on the pillowcase: Thank you for making me feel loved and respected. See you at dinner tonight. Love, Dash I smiled at the sweetness of the note, a little surprised maybe, but still touched. Once dressed, I went to my office to gather the papers for the day and saw there was a familiar scroll with a black and blue seal. My Faithful Paladin, I Am Pleased With Your Progress In Learning The Qualities Of Redemption. I Now Have A New Task That Coincides With Your Activities Today. Miss Beatrix Is An Excellent Candidate For Paladinhood, And I Will Help You Gain Her Trust. Together, We Shall Guide Her To Take Her First Step To Becoming A Paladin. Attached To This Scroll Is A Very Short Script That Will Strike Her Heart And Begin The Process. I Wish You Well In This Task, And I Have Complete Confidence In You. I Write This To You In Love, Princess Luna After getting dressed, I was hoping to have breakfast with Dash, but she didn’t answer her door. I saw Twilight as she was leaving her room, “Hey, Twilight, have you seen Dash? We were together, sort of, last night, and she was gone this morning.” Twilight had an expression of slack-jawed shock. “You were together? Last night?” “Wait, what? No, we just slept together.” I facepalmed. “What I mean is we were sleeping, only sleeping. And why am I trying to justify myself here? Oh, right, a trusted and respected friend of both parties. Sorry. I’m never sure how much is too much or too little information.” Twilight gave me an unsure look, “That was likely just right. I’m just so used to seeing her in bad relationships,” she quickly added, “but you’re not that kind. I hope you can appreciate how much you’ve affected her. Just, please don’t take advantage of her.” I gave her an appraising look, “I won’t. I promise. She’s far too important to me.” I look down, “She has made me change some fundamental things I thought I believed, things I never imagined would change.” I sniffed, stood straighter, and then smiled. “So, Miss Element of Magic, who could likely turn me into a newt if I messed with her friend, join me for breakfast and some strategizing for our task today?” Twilight relaxed and chuckled, “Yes. But for the record, a frog would be easier.” I snickered, “True, I am francophone, after all.” Twilight just smiled politely. After fighting the crowds, we finally made it to the ground floor. We stood outside the restaurant, waiting to be seated. I started, “So Twilight, let’s recap. The Flim Flam brothers told me Trixie worked in Canterlot at the Hot Bun coffee shop as a barista. It was a small out-of-the-way coffee joint, but I have the address, and it shouldn’t be that hard to find. Once I have a cup of coffee in my system, we’ll go over the details.” Twilight seemed unsettled. “So, Twilight, are you ready for this? I mean, if you’re not up to it, I can do it alone.” She seemed a little surprised at my offer, “No, I’m fine, Alex, just a little nervous.” I smiled, “Good. I’ve always thought being a little nervous keeps you sharp. I’m terrified, myself. This could go so bad so fast. Let’s hope we can come to some agreement.” We were seated with the usual flair I had come to expect from this place. Once seated and after our drinks arrived, black coffee for me and herbal tea for her, we were quietly looking over the menus when she suddenly blurted out, “Are you going to tell her about the pictures?” ‘Damn’, I looked at the tip of her horn to avoid eye contact for a moment. “Dash told you?” Twilight nodded slowly, and I thought for a moment, “I know I can trust you to be discreet, so I won’t even ask.” I let out a breath, “To answer your question, yes, I will tell her, but in private. I know the brothers thought they were doing what I wanted, but I want to assure you, I had only asked them to find her, not stalk her. I will be having a very serious predator to pony talk with them.” My cup of coffee suddenly became very interesting, “I’m sorry I’m not the one who told you sooner. I guess I was afraid of how you would react. Dash told me some of them were really racy, but I honestly had a hard time seeing them that way, at least until the last few pages. Even a dumb monkey like me could see it at that point.” There was a long moment of silence, and I was actually a little surprised by the answer. “I believe you, Alex. Knowing you as I do and knowing that Dash trusts you, I know you did not intend for that to happen. I also know you would never do that kind of thing on purpose. But mostly, it’s that Dash trusts you.” Twilight and I were standing outside the Hot Bun, waiting. According to the notes, Trixie always took her break at exactly 10:31. The clock was at 10:32 when I made my move. I cracked my neck and knuckles, smiled at Twilight and quietly murmured, “Showtime.” I walked into the coffee shop, pushing the door open ahead of me. I held the door open for Twilight and felt all eyes were on me. This was precisely the point: to get everyone to pay attention. And get everyone’s attention was exactly what I did. The noisy main room went quiet. The citizens of Canterlot, unlike the denizens of Ponyville, were not used to seeing me. To them, I was a tall cross between a diamond dog and an ape, both shaved. I surveyed the room with a friendly smile and strode to the counter. A light blueish purple mare with a dark blue mane and bright green eyes wearing a purple bow tie stood in shocked silence. I could see she was young, and I felt sorry for her, but she started speaking before I could say anything. “C-Can I help you, sir?” I had to admire her professionalism. Some ponies would have bolted. Twilight stood beside me with a warm, comforting smile, “Yes, we're looking for someone.” I dropped to one knee, smiled kindly, making sure to not show teeth, and said, “Yes, miss...” I looked at her employee tag, “Blueberry Fritter. I'm looking for a unicorn mare named Trixie. Bluecoat, silver mane and tail?” If the information were wrong, I would be even more upset with those two. Blueberry looked a lot less scared and a lot more puzzled, “Do you mean Beatrix? Um, yeah, she's on her break. I'll get her for you.” She trotted to the back and called out, “Hey, Beatrix! There's a monster and bookish-looking purple unicorn here to see you! Celestia knows why...” A tired voice sighed meekly, “On my way.” The voice was familiar from the show, but it wasn't the same smug, self-centred performer. What came out of the back was a sad sight. Her mane was in a simple ponytail, with few errant strands, her tail a little unkempt, and what I’m assuming is the uniform here, a purple bow tie. She came out, looking at the floor, looking beaten, broken. When she looked up, her eyes widened for a moment when she saw me. Then she saw Twilight, and her eyes narrowed. “So, you've come to humiliate me again? Fine. Just make it quick so that I can finish my break in peace. Oh, and next time, leave your pet at home.” I cleared my throat, “Miss Beatrix, I've come to offer you a job.” Beatrix sneered, “Oh, the abomination speaks. Well done, Twilight Sparkle. You've bested me again.” She turned and started to leave. I raise my voice, “Damn it, Trixie!” I caught myself and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Alex Roberts, or just Alex to my friends. I'm opening a theatre in Ponyville, and you are the best damn show pony I know of. I haven't travelled a very long way for you to throw this opportunity away. I have here five thousand bits as a signing bonus and a yearly salary of thirty thousand bits. Is the Great and Powerful Trixie not up to this task?” I pulled the bag of coins out and held it in the palm of my hand. “Before you answer, one more thing. I hate the idea of a signing bonus. Here,” I lightly tossed the bag to her, “take it as a goodwill gift. No strings attached. I want to show you I’m serious.” She looked at the coin purse, and I could see she was trying to find the catch in the deal, “So, what does this position entail? What will I be expected to do.” I smiled and straightened up, “I’m glad you asked. Please allow me to lay all my cards on the table or blinders off, as a pony would say. I will be rebuilding the town hall in Ponyville into a world-class theatre. Your job is to provide artistic genius and insight, to help me select the best entertainers and maybe not so best, in short, to stop me from making foolish mistakes when it comes to the artistic side of running a theatre. I’m looking for a partner, a friend, someone I can trust. I believe you are that person, and seeing your talent wasted here is disappointing. I want to offer you the opportunity to regain your dignity. Because I know you’re worthy of that dignity. Please, let me be your redemption.” The expression on her face was almost angry, “How dare you assume Trixie needs your pity. We have all the self-esteem we, I, could ever need.” “I don’t pity you, Trixie.” She winced at the name, “I really don’t. I see a beautiful soul that yearns to make foals laugh and stallions cry and has made a few bad decisions. I’m here to offer you a way to do what makes your heart sing. I’m here to help you entertain.” I could see her thinking, and then she gestured with her head at Twilight, “What about her? Why is she involved? Not only is she an Element of Harmony, but she is Princess Celestia's personal student. She single-hoofedly defeated an Ursa Minor. Why me?” Twilight stepped forward, “Because you have a natural gift for showmanship. I don't have that. I may have magical abilities, but you know how to captivate and mesmerize a crowd.” There was a murmur of agreement among the patrons. Twilight’s head dropped a little more, “But I've also come to apologize for not making sure you were alright after the Ursa attacked. And I'm sorry for not making sure you got compensated for your livelihood being destroyed. And, what I'm most sorry for, is that I didn't recognize your showmanship and because of that didn't offer my hoof in friendship. Please accept my sincerest apology.” For a long moment, Trixie stared at Twilight and me. She simply stared, her expression becoming neutral. Then, slowly, she raised her head up high in as proud a stance as any queen could manage. I couldn’t help but notice the tear beginning to form in her eye. In a regal manner, with only the slightest quaver in her voice, “It would seem the talents of The Great and Powerful Trixie are wasted here. It would also seem that we, I, have misjudged you, Twilight Sparkle. It would please us to consider you a friend. Therefore, I accept the position and the apology.” It started with one pony, then another, and another. Soon, every pony in the room was stomping their hooves. Blueberry Fritter went to Trixie and hugged her. “Oh, you go, filly friend! I'll miss you! Don't you dare forget me!” She sniffed and smiled. Beatrix replied in her show voice, “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not forget her friends.” Then, dropping to a normal voice, “Especially a good friend like you, Blueberry.” I cleared my throat to get Beatrix's attention, “Before I go one step further, do you prefer Trixie or Beatrix? I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with my new friend.” She turned, and I could see the dignity in her eyes that wasn’t there before. I had to admit it made me a little teary-eyed. You would have to be a heartless monster not to if you had seen the change I saw. “You may call me Beatrix, as all my true friends do.” I bowed a little, “I’m honoured to be given the privilege, Beatrix. You can call me Alex.” I hold out a simple business card, “This is where I am this week. Otherwise, I’m in Ponyville. If you could meet me there at my temporary office in two days at 11 am, we have things to discuss. Twilight reminded me that it was the right thing to do.” I gave Twilight a little smile. “Oh, one more thing before I go. When you get home tonight, don’t be surprised to find a scroll with Princess Luna’s royal seal.” I clapped my hands, “Now, I must be going. I have a little filly to buy gifts for.” I turned and started to leave when I heard Beatrix speak, “Thank you, Alex. Truly, thank you for giving me a second chance at my life.” She stood dignified, ready to fulfil her destiny, “I will not fail you.” I turned and gave her what I hoped was a warm smile. I bowed again, “You are most welcome, Beatrix. I hope I’m worthy of your trust.” Now my smile grew mischievous, “As much as I would love to spend the day getting to know you better, I have some gifts to buy for my daughter, er, I mean future daughter.” I gave a gallic shrug, “It’s complicated.” I turned to the crowd in a slightly louder voice, “I’m new to this town, and I have a little girl who is just crazy about the Wonderbolts. Does anyone know where I can get Wonderbolt merchandise? Posters, dolls, goggles, that kind of stuff?” An earth pony stallion called out, “The official store's beside da Canterlot raceway, just a few minutes from here. I’ll take you dere.” I started to turn with a smile, “Thanks, I’ll-” Beatrix spoke, her voice flat, “He’s lying. He wants to harm you.” The earth pony snarled, “Don’t listen to that bimbo. She’s just a bitter nag of a failure.” The pony was getting very upset. I looked between her and the stallion, “Frankly, sir, I trust her much more than I trust you. Nothing personal.” Beatrix beamed at me, “I remember hearing him and his cronies talking about getting back at a shaved diamond dog called ‘human’. I thought it was just their salt-fueled imaginations. But now I see all the pieces fitting together.” The shop went quiet, and I locked eyes with the stallion. My expression suddenly went sour, “I’m feeling some heartburn coming on.” His pupils became pinpricks, and then he suddenly scrambled out of the shop as fast as he could, much to the amusement of the other patrons. Once the laughter and the congratulations being heaped on Beatrix died down, people quickly pointed me in the right direction. I was standing near the door, simply enjoying the sight of a happy Beatrix. It did not go unnoticed by me that Twilight was almost as happy and seemed to be quickly making her a friend. I smiled and called out, “Beatrix, Twilight, I’m heading out now. I promised myself I would spoil my little girl, and am off to do just that. Beatrix, I’ll see you soon, and we’ll hash out all the boring details. Oh, and before I forget, thanks for the save.” I waved and went out the door, slowly striding toward the Wonderbolt store. It was late afternoon, and I was planning my evening with Dash. ‘I know she said she doesn't need to be impressed, but I love taking my lady out and showing her off.’ I was half contemplating going to the bar off the racetrack we escaped from the last time we were here when a knock on the door surprised me. I answered it and was pleasantly surprised by Twilight. “Hi Alex, Dash asked me to ask you to get ready for a fancy dinner. And for me to do this.” She shut her eyes tight in concentration, and her horn glowed. I felt lighter momentarily, as if I was being lifted telekinetically and then released. “There, now you're all ready for your date. I hope you have a good time, Alex. I really do. Dash was really lucky to find you.” Twilight then really surprised me by giving me a hug. She then totally floored me by looking up at me, slightly teary-eyed, “P-Please, have a really good time tonight. You have no idea how happy you've made Rainbow Dash. She's very lucky to have you.” She then quickly trotted away down the hall. I stood at the door of my room, looking down the empty hallway. I finally shrugged and started getting changed. 'I hope Twilight doesn't have some crush on me. We just fixed the Applejack problem. A Twilight problem would be a pain in the backside. I'm sure it's just Twi being happy for Dash.' I put on my remaining clean suit. I wanted to look good for her, so I spent some time making sure all the details were just so. When everything was perfect, there was a knock on the door. I smiled and greeted Dash. She was wearing a fancy dress, and I caught her perfect lilac scent, “You look absolutely stunning. I'm the luckiest man alive to have you as his special friend.” She blushed, “Yes, you are, but I'm really lucky too.” She looked down, almost shyly, “We were lucky to find each other.” I dropped to one knee and looked up at her. I placed my hand on her cheek, the smooth and silky coat, just feeling her warmth, my thumb tracing her lips. As I did, she kissed it and smiled. I tisked, “I don't want to smudge your makeup.” Her laughter made my heart sing, “You know I never put makeup on.” I smiled, “I keep forgetting you're perfect as you are.” I beamed with pride at her, “So, where are we going on this mystery date, and why did Twilight zap me?” Her eyes flicked up, “We're going to the exclusive pegasus restaurant at the top of this hotel. I made reservations for two. Me and my handsome stallion.” I got a little worried, “I hope we’re getting up by elevator. I would hate for you to get your dress all dirty, lugging my butt up there.” She rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry, they don’t like ponies flying in without reservations. We were quickly whisked to the top floor, and the doors opened. I had a very slight panic attack, “Dash, it’s all cloud up here. I’ll make a big mess when I hit the ground.” “You goof, that’s what the zap was for. Cloud walking spell.” “Oh, right.” I tentatively placed my foot on the cloud, then shifted my weight. It was a little like walking on wet sand but spongier. Walking was a little difficult because my feet were more flexible than hooves, but after a few steps, I managed to find my gait. Before being led to our table, the waiter asked, “Would sir care for a pony menu or a gryphon menu?” When he said that, I noticed a gryphon couple in the corner. Their empty plates had reddish-brown smears on them. I didn’t answer right away, and Dash spoke, “He’ll take one of each. He’s an omnivore.” The waiter smiled a little condescendingly, “Very good. This way, please.” We were seated at a table for two in the centre of the room, the most exposed and visible spot in the place. Well, when I say room, I mean a large expanse of cloud floor and a cloud lip all around. We only had Luna’s perfect sky above us. “Perfect sky above me. Perfect angel before me.” Dash blushed at my compliments. “You know you’re going to give me a swelled head.” She gave me a sultry smirk, “But you shouldn’t stop.” I chuckled, “Remember when we first met?” Dash snickered, “You bet I do.” My memories of that day were tempered with friendship and love, “You ploughed into my back from behind-” Dash interrupted, smirking, “I thought you were a monster-” I excitedly cut in, “And we both shouted,” Dash and I said in unison, “Fluttershy, run!” We both laughed, and I leaned over to give her a quick kiss. “Do you know what my first thought was after I elbowed you off?” Dash smirked and shook her head a little, ”It was ‘She knows how to fight.’” I held her hoof and smiled, "I always admired you even before I knew you.” I kissed her hoof, “You were always my beautiful Dash. I just didn't know it at the time." She blushed and looked away. Dash grew quiet and had a shy, hopeful smile. Her eyes gazed into mine, and she took a piece of bread from the basket on the table. I saw her wings stiffening, slightly popping out. She then slowly, deliberately tore the bread in half. With great care and a sultry smile, she extended her hoof with the bread to me. My hand reached out hesitatingly. The moment was shattered by a high-pitched, nasally voice, “Well that’s disgusting. A pegasus and a dirter sharing bread. I suppose she’s not much to look at, but surely there must be some pegasus pony desperate enough to—” In a flash, Dash jumped from her seat and tackled the pegasus who was speaking. She pinned her down and started yelling at her, “Don’t you dare say anything about my special friend. He’s more of a stallion than most ponies will ever be.” It took me a moment to realize what was happening, and I was impeded by the springy softness of the cloud underfoot. “Dash, please, get off her. She's not worth the aggravation. Please, Dash, I don't want you to get in trouble. You're better than this, please. For me.” Dash sneered at her captive, “Only for you, Alex,” she jumped off and kept staring. “You're a very lucky mare. Very lucky. " I could see her husband, coltfriend, or whatever didn't seem very impressed with his dinner companion. He made eye contact and gave me a little apologetic shrug. I returned the gesture. I guided Dash back to the table. “Sorry Alex, she just, for the first time, I have a special friend I’m really proud of, and she,” Dash growled in frustration. As we sat back down, I could hear him berating her angrily. He was so angry he didn’t even whisper, “Don't you know who that is? That's Rainbow Dash. The Element of Loyalty. She's saved Equestria at least four times, maybe more. And that is Alex Roberts, Princess Luna’s personal champion. You're just lucky he seems to be the forgiving type.” I could hear the iciness in his voice, “You know what else? He’s one of my clients. I took him on as a favour to both Rarity and Fancypants. Neither of them has ever asked me a favour, and you know they have done a lot for me. And how do I repay them? By having my ex-special friend insult his special friend.” “Ex-special friend? But, you can’t, I-” “Why did you think I invited you here in the first place? You’re snobby and cruel. I thought this would be the kind of place...” I forced myself to stop listening. It was none of my business. I focused back on Dash, and she was sitting quietly, examining her placemat. I reached over the table to put my hand on her cheek. Before I touched her, she quietly snarled, “I screwed this up,” I pulled my hand away for a moment, “Just like with every other special friend. I screwed this up, and now you don’t want to be with a psycho who picks fights in fancy restaurants.” She looked up with an expression of sadness and shame. I only looked into her eyes and smiled. I don’t think I have ever smiled so broadly, “I told you, you’re stuck with me, no matter what.” Her expression became confused, and I put my hand gently on her cheek, her soft lips pressed against my palm automatically, “I know you, Dash. You’re kind and gentle and loving. You’re also strong, fierce, and passionate. What you did was what I expected of you. You heard a threat, someone insulting us, and you reacted. Sure, you reacted strongly—” “But that’s the problem. I go all out. I knocked that idiot off her seat. I hurt her over—” “Stop. Stop beating yourself up. The truth is, he was dumping her tonight because she’s a total nag. Because, apparently, she does stuff like this all the time. I overheard him after, and I swear to you that was the gist of the conversation.” I glanced over, then nodded my head in their direction, “See? He’s looking mighty pissed at her, and she’s looking sad. If I had been less focused on my beautiful, amazing, warm, compassionate, wonderful Rainbow Dash, I would have been the one to do something.” Dash now wore a happy and hopeful smile. I took my hand off her cheek and picked up a piece of bread from the basket. I very deliberately tore it in half. “Now, I believe you were interested in sharing some bread?” I didn’t remember much about the meal and honestly didn’t care. For the first time since I had started my adventures, I wanted to be intimate with someone, and that someone was Dash. We waited impatiently for the elevator down, giggling like teenagers, Dash nuzzling me while I stroked her mane. The pony couple waiting with us only smiled, the mare sighing and nuzzling her stallion. As we hurried down the hall, stopping for the occasional kiss, we turned the corner and saw Twilight sitting beside Dash’s door. As soon as she saw us, she galloped toward us. I groaned, “I get it, Twilight, you’re not happy Dash is with a human. I get it. You’ve made that clear all week. But we’re adults, and we love each—” Twilight interrupted me, shaking her head, “No. It’s not that. I’m happy Dash has found you.” Her expression was one of sadness and pity. She shook her head again. “No, the tissue samples from before and the ones I got last week. The reason I was,” she sniffed and wiped her moistening eyes, “acting so strange, is that that,” tears started to flow freely, “you’re going to die.”