I Don't Know How to Use Doors

by The Real Darkness

First Time for Everything

I awoke after some time, of which I conveniently had no idea what amount had passed. I looked about me, dark, some light came in through a window barred with iron bars. I was still wearing my black suit and had some of my tools on me. They of course took my bow, all my arrows, and my visible gear such as my flash bombs and blackjack. I was missing my club. Oh, and they also took the claw.

They have no idea wh-

I spoke to myself, a habit I have, after all it gets lonely being a thief, what other company could I have? But, this time someone had replied back. In a gruff and stern voice.

"So you are awake, you sit tight, you'll have an audience with the Princesses in a moment." It spoke and I soon heard the clip clopping of hooves on stone.

I stood, reaching into special slots on my sleeves and pulling out my lockpicking tools. I soon crouched in front of the door and began to work, soon unlocking the cell and locking it back. They couldn't see me in the cell with all the black I wore anyways. I climbed the cell bars, a bit difficult without the claw or a rope arrow, but I reached the wooden rafters soon. The rafters told me they were for decoration or to support the stone as this must have been below the castle. I walked along them quietly, hearing other prisoners cough from the dust air, my black leather muffler protected me from that.

After a while of walking, I came to the stairs and stepped off, walking up quietly and into a room where one guard was sleeping and the other two were posted by the archway I was at, looking the same way I was, watching the door that lead to my freedom. I looked about and found a small glass and peeked out, staying out of the guards' view. I threw it into the room on the left and woke the sleeping guard up, all three went into the room and began searching for someone. I hurried to the door and found it was locked with a simple lock, I focused hard and found myself able to visualize the inside of the lock and picked it at lightning speeds. I exited and closed the door, locking it back. I peeked through and saw the guards coming back to their posts, the on that was asleep checked the door and saw that it was still locked before he trotted off.

I looked about and saw I was in an empty hall lit by magic torches....I must still be in the basement. I quickly began to look about, seeing the place occupied only by the occasional guard patrol of two ponies and tons of stored stuff. I know that my gear must be placed within a chest back near the cells, marked too...and there had to be a way to distract the guards.

If only I had my fire arrows...or...

That was it...I quickly ran through the storage, remaining silent as I checked what was in the contents of some barrels and boxes, mostly odd and ends arranged in such a way that there were full boxes of knitting needles in a crate. I quickly found where the firewood had been stashed...thank heavens I stole supplies from Fluttershy's cottage. I took one out and struck it against the wood, hoping to light it, which it did in the first few tries.

Flick the match, start a fire, run off and hide among covered furniture near the holding cells. Then get in and search for my belongings and quickly proceed to get out. I went over the plan quickly in my head before looking about, making sure nopony was near. I flicked it and silently ran at a slow pace, hearing a yell for help a few moments later. I slid under a covered table, hiding under the linen protecting it. Guards and servants ran past me to put out the large fire I had caused. It was quickly spreading and I could feel the heat as they waved blankets and such to futilely calm the flames while some ran for water. After a few more galloped past me, I ran out from my hiding place and into the entrance to the cells. I quickly looked about before heading into the next room, sure my belongings weren't there. I began to concentrate really hard before I saw the numbers I remember being on my cell door on a locker that was as square as a square could get. I ran to it and began lockpicking, opening it soon.

Welcome back friends, I dearly missed your company.

I suited myself up again, getting my arrows into proper position and putting the claw and blackjack on my thigh and waist. I gripping my bow firmly, grabbing a fire arrow from my sorted quiver and walking out to the halls, starting another fire to divert the viewpoints of the ponies present....I noticed both of the pegasus unicorns stood, the rulers now present, assisting the ponies and they too looked at the new fire with surprise....I slid by and silently ran at a slow pace again, remaining undetected by the sounds of panic and emergency procedures. I continued my way up and up, reaching the first floor that had windows. I slowed as I knew this place was more occupied than the basement floors.

I crouched down, being very silent and continuing further towards the throne room, going in and out of rooms and hiding places to sneak past guards and servants. I used the excellent mental map I had remembered and soon found the exact window I jumped out from. I slid it open and stepped out, closing the window back after landing in bushes. The sun was below and the moon was above, it was my favored hour. The guards had no chance of spotting me, but still I took out my bow once more and had a blunt arrow in my hand to distract their viewpoint just in case. My thief instincts kept me undetected as I had to force a somewhat far off patrol to look behind them. I shot the arrow right behind their hooves and they looked behind them, drawing their spears and searching in that vicinity. I swooped back to the garden shed and retrieved my earning from before, sliding them back under my clothing in the russet sack they were still in. I then used the claw to climb the wall. I was a free man once more.

I stood on the wall, looking out over the city, smirking a bit, this was the best life, my only way of life. The moonlight casted a soft light over the city and making my walkways darker. I hopped off the wall and headed toward the poor district once more, walking through alleyways and hiding in shadows. I would occasionally walk along the main streets, hidden behind objects or well consumed by shadows.

"You know Juniper has one of the bracelets too, now." I heard a feminine voice speak on the street I was stalking.

"Hush, we shouldn't gossip, you know with her kind of wealth in that house she could skin us both!" Another voice replied.

"Both of you, hurry home, it's starting to get past curfew and you know how Princess Luna is with her dream duty." A guard spoke and the trotting of the two mares sped up.

I peeked up from the box I was hiding behind and noticed that there was indeed a large building that looked like it had a great amount of wealth inside. Gold trimmed curtains that held a dark crimson red as the primary color, hanging plants dotted the balconies, and a guard graced the entrance, remaining vigil and holding his spear tight.

I looked in the building, seeing paid guards to patrol and watch over the expensive valuables. There were at least three from what I saw inside and all the normal citizens must be asleep. I continued to observe...two balconies, one on the right, one on the left of the doorway. The roof looked sound sensitive and there were plenty of way to scale the walls, but streetlights prevented that. I continued to scope the entire place out, watching for climbable places that could lead to possible entry areas.

Might as well try the roof, no harm in viewing what is there.

I quietly moved to the side some, going farther down the street across roofs, stepping away from the ever watchful guard that was at the main door. I carefully climbed my way down, using window sills as a way to slow my fall, landing with a slight tap on the ground. I slowly crept across the street, avoiding lights and the patrols. The patrols must have been from the incident at the castle, they were most likely looking for me. Shame they would never be able to find me then. I began the slow climb up the walls of the neighboring building, gripping windows and loose bricks along the way. I reached the top and crouched lower, moving across quickly with only light taps as footsteps. I looked down and saw a few roof windows built into the forty-five degree walls that connected to the roof. Some of them were lit with lights.

I walked to each of them before finding one that lead to a storage room. I began to gently press on it, trying to open it before switching to a pulling motion on the metal that separated it into panes. I had no luck as the window was locked. I began to debate on what I should do before I went around to each window again and began to notice all the ponies inside and all the possible valuable items. I drew my bow and loaded a blunt arrow, aiming directly parallel with the roof into the home so I could break a window and break through the other one. I released the arrow and two loud smashing sounds followed, one after the other.

I jumped down into the home quickly and grabbed all the items I had premeditated on and then ran off to the next rooms, bowling over the residents and pushing guards away to gain little extra time. I was eventually forced to run after an angry group of ponies had formed behind me, so I sprinted to the second window, pushing more out of my way. I drew blackjack and hooked it up, quickly pulling myself out of their reach. I ran across the roofs of each building, heading towards the shady district of the city, taking a while to arrive.

After several minutes, I noticed a bright yellow light in the sky and quickly ducked for cover, jumping roughly into an alleyway. I saw both of the royal pony beings flying above the home I had robbed in the far distance. They most likely knew I was a thief now, so I had to be careful. I continued on my way further, bright lights coming up along the city. I had to resort to running quickly through a lot of the dark alleys and safety of the residential summits. I had never been found, mostly thanks to the celestial being for luck that pagans believed in if it even existed. I quickly found my way to the abandoned home and took refuge once more, resting.

I went through my findings, noting that a lot of it was gold plated items or expensive jewelry, sometimes I came across the occasional product worth a lot only because of it's manufacturing methods. There were magnifying glasses, rings, cups, gears, and a few more oddities. After about thirty minutes, I got up to make use of the darkness about me and headed to my fence.

"You have stuff already?" He asked when I crawled through the vent.

"Right from your highness's seat. And a rich place on the way here. I know what these are worth...just pay up in money and some food." I spoke in my dead voice, keeping my face covered out of habit. He went through the many items and handed me a large bag of gold pieces, what were known to be bits and a sack of various food items. I had immediately began eating a slice of cheese he had put into it and soon went on to an apple. I didn't eat much, but I have been starving the last few days. After eating, I bought some supplies from him, arrows, flash bombs, and these new canisters that released fumes to irritate the senses. I soon found my way out the way I came and back to my home that was the abandoned house.

Upon arrival through the alley window, I opened my bag and began taking the good loot out. These elements of harmony were going to look nice in this jewelry case. I had put them in it and locked it using my picks, a weird way of doing things. All I would have to do is start up some ghost stories about this house and that should suffice to keep ponies away from it.

I left soon, if these Elements of Harmony are so very important, I needed to know more about what they did and why they are important. I am sure that the castle's archives would hold something for me. With my thoughts gathered, I did the same with my equipment and headed out, climbing to my home's rooftop.

From here, I looked out, planning my routes with the increased patrols because of my activity. I chose to stay to the higher buildings to minimize attention I bring when I jump and move. I did stop every now and then to plan my route to the castle further, having to take some risky paths because of the sheer number of the guards.

It wasn't too long before I reached the castle, the sun still down. I rambled through the foliage of the royal gardens, finding some guard patrols even out here. They really stepped up the security.

Those bricks look like they're protruding, a nice way to climb.

And thus, up I went while guards weren't looking, using the claw to reach further up bricks. I had to work fast to reach a height they wouldn't see me at and I succeeded in that endeavor. I stopped about halfway up, looking up the tower and then back over at the city, a beautiful sight filled with malcontent and trouble. I kept thinking about what I could be approaching due to the height of the tower. It could be a sort of library or noble room, hopefully the former.

After a few more moments, I entered the circular room, my eye instantly went to a bed with the apparent white-coated ruler sleeping soundly in it. I scanned the room, finding many pieces decorated with suns and symbols of the Kingdom along with ornate gold pieces. I silently walked about, stealing all these fancy objects: candlesticks, plates, jewelry, and so much more. I eventually approached the bed, looking over the sleeping ruler to ensure she was indeed in a trance before heading to the door. I opened it, the door creating a loud squeak followed by a shuffling of fabrics. I quickly closed it and proceeded to run across a catwalk to a complex of towers, more catwalks, and protruding building structures.

I entered the first tower, looking back and seeing the door begin to open, the Monarch was definitely inquisitive of what had just happened. I ran out of the very plain empty tower and through another catwalk, this one having stairs leading down. I entered the next and stumbled upon a guard talking to a servant. The servant swerved her eyes over to me and they grew wide upon the view of my form in the moonlight.

I quickly grabbed some bits and jewelry I had stolen and laid them on a chair in the apparent tea parlor like room. I put a finger to my lips and pointed to her and back to the golden treasures multiple times before silently disappearing behind furniture as the guard looked behind him.

"What is it that caught your attention, my love?" He spoke in a somewhat lust filled voice. The two ponies were definitely having a deep connection between each other.

"Nothing, nothing. Just your story of that odd creature stealing is fascinating, you must have been brave to face something unknown like that!" She wowed him and winked at me when she saw me peek my head out as the guard turned back around.

Give up a little bit of spoils to gain a lot more. Maybe I'll be back for the other ruler's treasures.

I silently stepped out, opening and closing a door behind me. The intricate portal must have been a symbol for special authorization in the chambers above. I stopped in my tracks not even after a moment of running down the steps. The white monarch stood in front of me, her horn lit up.

"You. What brings you here? I've never heard of or seen a creature like you in Equestria." She spoke with a firm, but calm voice. I hated it whenever nobles tried this with me. Their constant grandstanding mixed with a tone baited with false security for the urchin who grabs it.

"I'm here on my own accord." I said harshly and slowly scooted at the rate of millimeters to the edge, knowing that it would be a very long fall and a risky escape move.

"Give me the clear answer. What are you and why do you appear here?" She continued questioning me.

"It's rude to not introduce yourself first, you know." I always did love poking fun in the royals if I ever did speak with them.

"Fine. I am Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria. Now please answer my question." I never got quite a response like that.

I stayed silent, staring into her magenta pupils as she glared into my mismatched eyes.

"Did you steal the Elements of Harmony?" Her questioning was most surely getting serious.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." This is the information I wanted.

"If you did steal them, know that they are powerful artifacts and they are the last defense of our world. A thief like yourself should understand why we need them back so fiercely." Oh, she was trying to remain calm and normal, but I knew I was getting to her.

"Then I hope you find them soon." With these words, I jumped off the edge and began a plunge down, the outside walkways all about me.

I grabbed my claw and quickly caught one, swinging under it as I rappelled down and onto a roof below me. I stared up upon landing, retracting the claw and looking at Celestia, who gazed down at my feat. My senses were left a little hazy after my grand trick.

Is this the Primal energy?

I continued on my way down, opening the next door and slipping into shadows, moving from room to room and getting my own self lost in the maze that is the castle. I had finally exited the tower hell above.

The best way to lose someone is to get lost yourself.

My first priority was to exit the castle and find the Elements of Harmony. I needed to secure them and get them back if need be. I'll confront the other ruler here with them, perhaps she'd be better. With my goals in mind, I headed onward, going from room to room, stealing along the way while remaining out of sight. Most halls were easy, basic guard patrol until I heard a gruff voice again from some sort of magic voice projector.

"We have the same intruder that escaped the prison. Catch him if you see him. I repeat..." I quickly ducked down and hid underneath a table cloth, hearing a cascade of weapon brandishing.

Every party always has an uninvited guest.

I watched the hoofs go by me in a faster patrol system now, more guards on this floor because of me. I peeked out when there were no longer hooves, sticking to the shadows that were not lit up by the torches or lights of the castle. I had to stay in my next spot of a lovely couch back for many minutes before I go move safely. This would take me a lot of time to do, but once I found the stairs, I could go free easily. It was always big furniture, under tables, in shadows, or barely skimming by without being noticed as I creeped across a room and into the next.I eventually found the stairs by just wandering aimlessly throughout the this floor and slowly making a mental map. Unfortunately, Celestia was there with her co-ruler and a whole platoon of guards on the stairs.

I swooped behind a statue base, peeking out and measuring up my foes. I was hoping there wouldn't be too many and a choke arrow would get them all, but they adorned masks this time with some sort of eye protection. I stood up, still behind the statue and looked out the window behind me, seeing the winged ponies fly about in the air, flashing lights onto the grass. I also saw those six ponies, led by the lavender one that lives in her library at the small town arrive. They were walking up to the front of the castle.

Now the party has really started. I'm humbled by their preparations.

I looked back to the staircase, observing the blockade, trying to find any weaknesses. This was the only staircase, one gigantic way down and up the floors of the castle. I looked around them and saw all the light fixtures illuminating the place, there were indeed many. The towers above this floor of the castle were most certainly older and used the torches for decoration purposes, but here it was modernized.

Almost flawless

They wore dark lenses over their eyes and that meant that they couldn't see that well through shadows. I took one of my many utensils out and prepped it, throwing the small bomb into the crowd of ponies and they responded predictably. They all turned to face the device and slowly took some steps backwards. The minute it detonated and released a cascade of black fumes, all of them shut their eyes quickly. The guards that wore the glasses over their eyes would have no way of seeing me through the fumes. It was then that I zoomed ahead and pushed them out of my way to get my access to the staircase. I swiftly descended, running down to the 1st floor before throwing a flash bomb into a random room, causing a distraction for the guards on the floor. I disappeared under another table, I had to repeat the infiltration process.

I moved more fearlessly as the guards investigated the room I threw a flash bomb into and the staircase, to which I traveled further and further away until an idea struck my head.

It's not to late to have an audience, is it?

I went straight to the foyer of the throne room, hiding in the room near it, seeing only two guards there, most likely left to watch for me in the event that I make it to the door and attempt an exit. A quick thought told me how to settle the conflict ahead and I drew my bow, loading it with a blunt arrow. I aimed across towards the next room, making sure my arrow would be covered by the shadows. I released my knocked arrow and it made a noticeable thud noise, causing both guards to look over there.

"What was that?" The unicorn guard began speaking first.

"I have no clue, but it came from in there. I'll investigate." The normal pony followed in voice.

"No, together; so, we don't get jumped." The unicorn began trotting as well as the earth pony.

I walked behind them, taking out blackjack and stepping as silent as I could. I knew I would ahve to open the throne room doors and they would pose a problem with that. As they stopped, I caught up behind them and slammed my trusty club into the head of the unicorn. He crumpled right to the ground, incapacitated.

"What in the name of Celes-." The other's voice slowly dimmed to a silent tone after I slammed blackjack into his temple after he whipped his head toward me. I had to swing overhead and knock him out with another hit as he didn't fall to the ground easily.

Wish you a goodnight

I walked to the front door and barely opened it, peeking out through a crack. I glazed my eyes over the army that awaited me in front of the castle. They surely did not want me to go this time. I closed one of the gaint doors that I had opened and turned my attention to the throne room and looked down to the guards.

I don't kill, but a spear would assist in defending myself.

I walked over to one of their bodies and grabbed bother of the spears, I would use one for my grand plan. I then cracked the front door again and opened a throne room door big enough for me to escape in. I glanced the room and the balconies above. I predicted that they wouldn't guard this room and they didn't. I went back to the front and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

It's time we have a grand ending to this party.

I threw my last flashbomb out and quickly closed the door, setting a smoke bomb by my feet. After my distraction and disappearance mechanism were hidden, I ran to the throne room, closing the door behind me. I looked to the throne and raced to it, prepping one of the spears to be thrown. I sent the weapon through the glass window after the flashbomb went off. I counted in my head of the detonation of the smoke bomb. The panic would help cover the noise I was about to make. The glass window made a loud crashing noise as it was sent through the window and shattered the priceless stained glass that stood for stories into millions of memories. I jumped onto the right throne room seat and bounced off and through the window, landing gracefully with a soft thud from my special boots and the grass below my feet. I looked about and I was indeed at the entrance to the gardens, I could see the forestry and before it were indicated paths by specially carved and designed sylvan paths. I glanced to my left and right and found them empty. I couldn't find the first spear as I suspect and I took the second one I held, gripping it with both hands and taking a few practice swing and thrusts before I took off to the right, looping around the castle. When I reached the front, all the pegasi had their lights turned to the front door, waiting for me to reveal myself through arrest. Every guard was closer to the door than from their initial patrol and stared intensely at the doors and windows of the castle. I walked, crouched, but quickly moving. I stayed close to the shrubbery, in the darkness of night.

It wasn't long until I found myself at the wall. I grabbed the claw from my thigh, holding the spear in my left hand. I threw the claw to the top and quickly scaled the wall, putting it back to my thigh.

"Halt." The party ended the moment a pegasi on the wall noticed me, the only one that could.

"I see you have amazing wings, I'm sure you're very fast with them. We can all be friends." I spoke back and gripped my stolen borrowed spear with both hands, taking a battle stance with it.

"Not possible, make this easy." He took a few steps towards me.

I charged swiftly, bashing his right wing with the wood and then feigning a slash to get him to back his body up. I followed through with blackjack, taking it from my thigh quickly and bashing his head. I turned to the city and dropped my spear, sprinting off the wall and running to a building, scaling it while the pegasus regained his composure. I didn't hit his skull just right to put him to sleep, so I had to act very quickly. Once I was on top, I began to go across roofs in the same pattern I did, noting the lack of guards around everywhere. I headed straight to my fence. He would be joyful at the loot I brought in.

The night has been troubled by more than just me.

I looked above me, seeing a sky blue pegasus with a rainbow tail and mane after me as an alarmingly speed. I didn't think they would be able to travel this fast. I looked back down and knew I had to lose her. I began to think as I just rided the roofs in the city. I couldn't bring her with me anywhere and disappearing into the streets is impossible with her speed and the guards at this hour.

Light began to come up and I panicked slowly. Whatever I had to do, I needed to do it soon.

I like the air, too, but the ground is something safer..

I stopped on the roof I jumped to, taking blackjack from my thigh. I stared at her and watched her increase speed as she dived. The moment she was just before me, about to wrap her hooves around my body and claim me as a trophy to display for a day with rope in front of everyone, I turned stepped to the side and swung blackjack, aiming for the back of her head.

Time seemed to slow as I brandished the club to her neck. I felt strong, very fast, invincible as I did it. I hit my target well and very hard. She crumpled, rolling across the roof until she hit a chimney and stopped, bruised, unconscious, but living. My mind was once more drained and felt exhausted. I quickly made it to my home afterwards, not finding any guards for the remainder of my trip. I swung in through the window and shut it, setting my bag of goodies down and sorting through them before reattaching the many satchels. I laid down on my bed, reflecting upon what happen before remembering my need for visiting the castle.

Powerful artifacts, eh? I could go home, but this place has plenty of spoils, even more so than my old home. I may stay here since everything seems fine and peachy here and ponies leave the richest things out ripe for me hands.

I mulled the decision over more before I finally drifted to sleep, exhausted from the night's work.