//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 - Family Renunion // Story: SAE - Sword Art Equestria // by The Dark Brony //------------------------------// Craig POV As I began to look at the two statues in front of I began to feel depressed about everything that was happening to me. First the war, then finding them in stone, and then bomb from the marines I feel like people are just ruining my life. I then reach my hand down to touch Scootaloo’s head as she said, “So this is your Mum and brother?” “Yes… man, I miss them.” She then smiled at me then said, “At least you know they're alive now that’s an improvement.” “I suppose you're right.” I then feel a small portal open below me and shout, “Worst moment ever” I then see Scootaloo grab hold of me as she said “Not this time.” However, it was futile as she got dragged through the portal as well, which promptly shut above us. Perspective: Church “Oops?” I repeated. Craig then looked up and muttered, “It’s rarely an call with you is it Church?” “I don't know, my new adopted brother, is it?” “Wait what? What are you on about?” Scootaloo then looked at me and asked Craig, “Dad what does he mean?” “Ooh! Dad! You know what you have to do!!!!” Amor yelled, making everyone stare at her in confusion as she happily bounced towards Scootaloo. Craig then stared at me and said, “Please explain because I am officially lost.” “Oh trust me there is more.” A voice said from behind Craig. He then quickly turned around to see Asuna standing behind him as he just collapsed and said, “OK what in god’s name is going on?” Asuna then smiled as she grabbed hold of him and said, “Craig I missed you so much!” Scootaloo then looked at them in confusion and asked Amor, “What’s going on between that woman and my dad?” “You don't know? That is his mom!” Amor shouted excitedly. Loud enough, in fact, that Craig heard it. “Wait what! But that’s not possible… You're encased in stone back home how are you even here?” “Okay, did you ingest any fear gas lately?” I asked seriously. Kirito then walked beside me and said, “Am I missing something… Craig!” I turned holographic grabbing everyone’s attention, “Dr. Jonathan Crane: Creator of Cloud Burst, Dubbed Fear Gas. Results: Causes you to live your worst nightmare. Can cause you to kill yourself from fear. Hallucinatory.” I said in Delta's voice. I then looked back at Craig as he collapsed on the ground and passed out as Scootaloo runs over to him and shouted “Dad wake up!” Asuna then looks back to me and said, “I think he’s just broke… got somewhere for him to rest?” I had already resumed my regular form so I just nodded. Kirito then smiles and said, “I’ll carry him” he then threw him over his shoulders and then proceeds to ask me “Where to?” “I'm sorry, but we have royal duties to a-” An explosion was seen as Canterlot Palace fell off the mountain completely. Asuna then smiles and said, “you mean relocation to attend to.” “T’would have been comical, were it not for all the deaths,” Luna said as she casually mentioned the macabre state of the palace. Asuna then frowns and mutters “and one more thing” her glare then sharpened at them as she shouts “why the hell did you abandon your people!” I suddenly stop moving. Everyone notices that I am staring at something. Amor slowly turns her gaze to see another new ship in the sky except it was UNSC this time. Everyone then looks up as Kirito said “this isn’t good” “That… That is ONI…” I muttered loudly. “What is the Office of Naval Intelligence doing here?” Asuna then looks at me in confusion and said, “Get Craig up he’s useless if we get attacked right now!” “They won't attack us,” I said confidently. “How do you know that?” “Do you see them attacking us right now?” I asked as I pointed to the cruiser that was scanning the area. “Ok then if they aren't attacking why are they here?” “Colonization?” I ask bluntly. The ponies look at me with wide eyes. “And you think everyone wants that to happen?” “I never said they couldn't be reasoned with.” I then heard Craig moan as he muttered, “This is ridiculous” He then opened his eyes to see the ship and said, “Why does this always happen to me.” “What? Pregnancy?” I asked randomly. He then looked back at me and asked, “What are you on about?” He then floated off Kirito’s shoulder and landed on the ground. “You are pregnant according to this scanner.” I show a plasma pistol scanner that nobody had noticed before now. “See? The light is green.” Craig then sighs and said “Not physically possible buddy, not a gal” “Did you forget what happened to Tucker?” Amor fainted. Craig, Kirito, and Asuna then look at me and then all said “yes… what happened” I explained how Tucker was impregnated by an alien. Craig then shakes his head then said, “I ain’t been touched by any alien buddy… you must be losing it” “Fine. Stupid thing.” I charged the plasma pistol and unload the entire charge into a completely untouched house and nearly dropped from shock when the whole thing exploded… “Oops…Yeah, I'm not paying for that.” I said bluntly. “They should have plasma pistol insurance.” Celestia glared at me, but I just arched an eyebrow until she finally sighed in defeat. Luna was next, she trotted up to me and said, “HUZZAH!” ...What? Craig then sighs as he mutters “I’m too young for this” Kirito then smiles and said “Hey, at least, were back together” “Hey Craig, isn't it funny how my favorite person used to be Daniel Craig and both of your names are Daniel and Craig?” I said in Pinkie’s voice at a ridiculous speed. He then sighs and said, “Just explain everything I really am lost… why did you call me your brother Church?” “Nope. Mom is explaining this shit.” I snap my fingers and a portal to the warp opens depositing boxes of pizzas shaped like grenades. “Danke,” I tell the warp as I snap the portal close. Amor snaps up after I eat one of the exploding pizza. “You could say the pizza is… explosive AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Craig then sighs and said, “ok Mum what’s going on?” However, before she could answer we hear a voice said, “Umm Craig I sense a portal opening in your pocket?” I quickly do the impossible and jump into Craig's pocket. After a few seconds, a muffled explosion was heard before I jumped out with my head smoking in a cartoonish fashion. “That grenade was delicious. A bit on the spicy side, though.” I then hear Craig mutter “Fucking Space marines why won’t they give me a break.” Asuna then just mutters and punches Craig in the side of the head and said, “Craig there are children around.” “Yeah! You dingus. You crazed malfeasant! Stop hurting the children's ears!” Kirito then sighs and said “You really can’t say much Dimitri” “Well, at least, the children know to punch me when I said- FUCK!” I scream as Amor punches mine in the funny bone. I collapse on the ground on my chest with her on my back. Craig then smirks and said “Yeah sorry it’s just last time they did it was an Anti-armour grenade they used” I throw an extremely dull pocket knife at Craig which hits his leg with the force of Miley Cyrus’s shreking ball. It somehow gets stuck in his leg drawing no blood, though. Craig then sighs and said “Really Church?” seconds later a small bit of blue appears next to the knife, pulls it out and then throws it into a nearby tree. He then smiles and said “thanks, Bii” “I just realized something.” Craig then look at me and asks, “what is it?” “Mom is Joseph Stalin us so she doesn't have to explain things.” Everyone then looks at me as Craig asks me ”what do you mean I walked up to Asuna, who I towered, and asked, “Why you be stalling?” She then smiles and said, “why not… it’s fun seeing you and Craig argue” She then sighs and said “Ok I’ll explain, Craig what’s happened is that we have adopted Church and his daughter. We heard that he never had a family and decided to give him one and, in turn, he is now your adopted brother.” Craig then looks at me and said, “Can this day get any weirder?” “Does this mean I have to be on the good side? Can't I be that one rogue who is on nobody's side?” Craig then laughs and said, “You can be who you want to Church… you are in control of your own destiny.” “Oh, that is a relief. CAC18 Destroy nearest planet.” An explosion. “CHURCH!” Everyone screamed. “What?” I ask blankly. Craig then laugh and said, “and the readers call me Vegeta.” He then shakes his head and said “I need to stop using my Deadpool powers” “Shut up the fourth wall breaking imperialist scum.” “Yeah, I know, blame Discord he has some control over my powers” “Blame me for what?” A Discord wearing an I shit you not Helghast uniform with a fucking swastika on it. Asuna and Kirito then shout “Discord!” as they grab their weapons Craig then looks at them and asks, “OK what's he done to you?” Helghast Discord then does an air spartan kick before yelling, “ラディアント火災” (Japanese: Radiant Fire) Craig then sighs and said “really Discord” a second later Craig's Discord appears on his shoulder and said “Not me” “My name is not Discord. It is Fuwa!” FD proclaimed. “That is the same thing. Just in Japanese, you idiot.” I said. He just rolled his eyes. “I thought you were dead,” Celestia said sadly. “Good.” “Good?!?!?!” “You heard me. Good.” Discord fired tear gas at Celestia, “Aw, don't cry.” Craig then sighs, grabs the canister in mid-air and throws it back Fuwa. Fuwa does the unexpected. Instead of dodging or teleporting away or even taunting about how useless it is, he just swallows it. “Ah, how delightful. The chaos I could sew. Why stop there? Tata for now!” He teleported away. Craig’s Discord then looks at him then said, “was I really like that?” Craig then smiles and said “yes, yes you was” “I mean… Holy shit what the fuck no Fuwa don't do that!” Fuwa laughed as he gleefully jumped out of an exploding bank carrying sacks of money. “Holy shit, when did Discord turn into Two-face?” Craig then sighed as he touched the back of this guitar and then bolted towards Fuwa and threw him to the floor then said “I have had enough of you” “Well then, why don't you snap my neck? Hehe. One simple movement, so powerful.” Fuwa still had his incessant Joker smile on. Craig then sighs as he puts his hand on his head and blanks out a few memories from Fuwa and drags him back to the group. He then said “sorry about that” “Well, you are no fun at all,” Fuwa said as he snaps a talon and frees himself before turning into the Joker. I heard you were fond of this one.” Fuwa even had the voice right. He pulled out a giant revolver before aiming it at Craig. “Boom!” He shouted as it fired a bullet and a flag before he took off running madly at inhuman speeds of 68mph. “We're you listening in on conversations again you little shit?!” I screamed as I gave chase to the jackass. “Yes! Now come and catch me! If you can!” Another house exploded. Craig then appears in front of him and punches him straight in the face and said “oh shut it” Fuwa shook his head. “No magic allowed.” He pulled a Tirek and grabbed the magic from Craig and snapped the tether. “Oops. It appears to be broken.” He giggled as he jumped over the magically incapacitated Craig. I ran up to Craig. “Holy shit he just did a fucking Power Rangers on you!” Craig then smiles and just jumps back in front of him again and said “that ain’t no magic” Fuwa gets a smirk, “Then you won't be needing it. Ever.” He said bluntly as he completely destroyed his attunement to magic. He then spartan flame kicked him in the nuts, setting them on fire before continuing to run. Craig’s eyes then turn red as he said “I’ve had a fucking enough of you!” with that he brings his hands to his side as he shouts “KameHameHa” as a blue beam of light flies towards him. I watch as the others, Amor, Scootaloo, Asuna, Kirito, Celestia, and Luna arrive next to me. I put on U’Moon - Mad Road because I know the tempo of the fight already. Craig then charges towards few who just avoided the blast and shouts “Surrender before I need to go full power!” “Fuck you!” Fuwa pulls out a bomb vest and straps it to himself. “For the system admins!” He rushes Craig. Craig’s body then begins to glow as his helmet flies off to show his hair had turned blond and was standing on end he then shouts “you have no idea who you are messing with” “ALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!” Fuwa jumped straight at Craig and… exploded. No seriously. That was fucking lame. “That was anticlimactic,” I said in disappointment. Amor slapped me. “What?” She motioned for me to apologize. “Uh no.” She glared at me but gave up. “Hey, Craig! What is 69 divided by zero?” He doesn’t answer but turns around as we see his eyes pure red and his hands against his head as he looked out of control. “Huh. That is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.” Everyone even Craig looked at me in complete confusion, but Craig was still pretty fucking furious. He then mutters, “get out of here… you're not safe” “Uh, Craig. I'm never safe. Hell, I'm a danger to myself.” I said bluntly. Craig’s Discord appears next to me and said “you need to stop him his powers are out of control there’s a reason he holds back his powers” “Are they psionic?” “No, my magic was stopping him from losing control” “Hey, Craig! I know how to calm you down! Let's blow up another fucking planet. You do the honors!” before anyone could react, I had already teleported us to a backwater planet with no life on it. He then shouts, “please you all need to get out of here. I’m not in control somethings in my head, it’s manipulating me” “Okay, sure. But you are going to regret that.” I teleported everyone except Craig into my pelican in orbit above the planet. “Now we wait for f-” The entire continent Craig was standing on starting sinking. “What is he doing?” Scootaloo then rushes over to the window and said, “you’ve got to help him… please I don’t want him to suffer” I then look back to the planet to see a dark black outline begin to grow around the planet as his anger begins to grow more intense. “Good thing this is in a different solar system. And uh yeah, about helping him. Can't do that. Unless you want me to potentially kill him. Not the best idea.” Asuna then looks at me and asks, “what happened to him he’s never been like this… yeah, he’s always had a temper but he’s never lost control like this.” “That isn't something I can answer. Insufficient data.” I said sadly. I then look back at the planet to see that the land now looked like it was burning. I then hear Kirito say, “man, this is almost like the Black Star Dragonballs on Dragonball GT.” Seconds later it exploded leaving not even debris where the planet once was. “Huh. The covenant would want that.” I said in awe. We then see a small speck near where we left Craig and as we looked closer we could see the was unconscious and back to normal. “See? Destruction is a healthy way of making you feel better.” Everyone was glaring at me. Asuna and Kirito then looked at me in shock and said, “he has that much power trapped inside him… and has so little control if he snaps” “Well yeah, it is like constipation.” Celestia and Luna winced. Scootaloo and Amor gagged. Kirito and Asuna just looked in shock at the damage he could do if he was pushed to his limit. they then turn to Discord as Asuna said “Look I don’t care about what you have done just get him back here and get him in control again.” Discord then sighs and said “And to think I gave him this power” “That power is nothing compared to what it would have been if he was actually constipated.” “STOP BRINGING THAT UP!” Everyone yelled. “No.” I retorted as I crossed my arms, “Constipation constipation constipation.” Seconds later a flash appeared behind me as I felt something strike me in the back. I then heard Craig said “Oh shut up you're giving me a headache” “Warning: The Director has been attacked on deck. Orders Director? Do we initiate self-destruct?” “No.” I waved dismissively as everyone stares at me cautiously. I snap my fingers and a holo panel slides up into everyone's view “This is Griffin Daily, The Equestrians have been crippled and we can now rightfully reclaim what is ours. Let us gather arms as conquistadors!” I stared at the screen for a few seconds before facepalming. Craig then muttered, “I can’t believe this… I am a danger to everyone I care about, I… I’m sorry about everything.” “Eh, no big deal.” I wave it off dismissively. A portal opened next to me. “Khorne will have your head!!!!” A bunch of melta grenades flew out of the portal with it closing behind. I caught and ate them one by one. “What the fuck Khorne? They aren't spicy!” I moaned. Craig then muttered, “I am getting sick of those marines and their gods” “Actually, that wasn't the marines this time… that was Khorne himself.“ I opened a portal and screamed through it, “KHORNE! THOSE FUCKING GRENADES BETTER BE SPICY NEXT TIME OR I WILL RIP YOUR DICK FROM YOUR LEGS AND STITCH IT TO YOUR EYES!” I closed the portal behind me and laughed. Right before another one opened, with a grenade flying out that hit Craig in the nuts and exploded. Craig then looks around and says “I am sick and tired of being hit and blown up by grenades” A note slides next to me. I pick it up and read it, “Prepare yourself for bla bla bla yada yada yada… Kharn Ahriman Piraka bla bla…” Craig’s eyes then twitch as he looks at Kirito and Asuna and says “get Amor and Scootaloo to safety these guys are no joke” I just continued reading,”- Daemons, the emperor, yada yada, Tzeentch.” Craig then mutters, “we need help… please say we have someone in reserve” “Well, I do know Loki.” “As do I but it’s unlikely he’ll help” “No. I mean, I can get him to come if they decide to take it to far and threaten the balance. He is the Balance after all.” “yeah… I don’t want to risk my powers overloading again.” He then looks to Asuna and say “get everyone to safety you can’t fight these guys they are leagues above you” “Thank you for the compliment!” A booming voice said through an open portal that I was near. Craig's eyes once again twitch and he shouts, “Mum get out of here! Now!” Asuna then shouts “No! I’m not letting you fight them alone” “You will not be able to fight them.” A voice said with great authority yet pessimism. “Yeah… I don't know what side I am on…” Everyone looked at me with betrayal and confusion. “They are kinda my friends too… And by friends I mean allies. I am not allowed to fight allies. I am sorry.” “Don’t worry about just keep everyone safe” Scootaloo then looks at me then mutters “You can’t dad” I then look at her and says, “Scoots they will hurt you if I don’t… Please trust me.” “THIS FIGHT IS NOT HAPPENING IN MY BRIDGE OR I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS UNHOLY I WILL CAUSE SUCH UNBALANCE THAT LOKI HIMSELF WILL WEEP.” I threatened as I saw the marines exit a portal. Ahriman raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about……” He trails off. “Oh, hi Ahri. Yeah, I'm not exactly good or bad. I am what you would call chaotic neutral.” “Ok then... care to explain what in Tzeentch's name is going on? I can sense a lot of chaotic energy.” He asked. “Well, Khorne stopped giving me spicy grenades so I blew up a solar system and threatened him. Still awaiting a response. Hmm, that star is still going supernova. It is like if your mother stopped giving you pizza… I think.” “Well, I'd say he stopped because someone, and I can guess who has reverted this universe's version of the Warp to a point before Khorne's existence. Whoever is giving you grenades is not him.” Ahriman replied. “FOR FUCKS SAKE LOKI! THEY WERE FOOD GRENADES!” I angrily grabbed my phone and dialed his number and waited for a response. Craig then sighs and walks towards Ahriman then says, “Hi how are you.” “You are not getting back those chaos Daemons!!!” Everyone heard from my phone in Loki’s voice. “Firstly, Church, the slaughter of millions is slowly reverting the Warp to its state as the Warp. And to Craig, greetings, it's been a while.” Ahriman stated. “Actually. I would count it as over seventy trillion deaths if you include intelligent microorganisms.” Delta said helpfully. “yeah… I've been getting your ‘gifts’ not been great” “I tasted one of the gifts, I don't know why you are complaining.” “In truth, the first one is because we sensed you talking shit about us,” Khârn replied. “The second one was for shits and giggles.” A portal opened and I threw the phone in it, “Hey Khorne! Loki just wants to talk!” Screaming was heard as the portal closed. “Yeah, that sounds like the Warp,” Khârn said. “At least, Khorne's side.” He shrugged. “Huh. Why do I keep hearing the word Piraka?” A portal then deposited two robots like figures, who fall to the ground in a small heap. When they stood up, we could see two massive grins and green and red armor. “Oh fuck! Kill it with cleansing hellfire!” I grabbed my forerunner gravity hammer and proceeded to try to beat the shit out of them. “Get over here you Joker hybrids! I'll fuck you up!” Suddenly, a massive amount of pain echoed around my head. I stumbled, gripping my head. “That is for insulting us, punk.” The red one growled. “Fuck you think you can handicap me?” I drop the gravity hammer and pull out my pistol and shoot myself in the head. “Never been glad to die. I'll be back bitch!” Craig then sighs and mutters “God dammit Church” “Did he just shoot himself in the head?” “yes, yes he did” “Eh, I've seen stranger. Names Hakann.” The red guy greeted, holding out his clawed hand. “I can still fucking hear you. By the way, other than the Jokerish look that is kinda fucking awesome.” I say over the intercom. “Church you're lucky we sent our kids away” shouts Craig “You know what they say. The Pirate Captain owns the ship. Well, I can do whatever the fuck I want here. Oh hey, look! The sun blew up again.” “Pirate? He sounds more like a Piraka than us. Right, Zaktan?” Hakann asked his green compatriot, who gripped his triblade wearily. “Sounds like Blackbeard or Edward Kenway.” I fell in front of everyone in a suit of bedrock (Minecraft) armor that looked like Helghast armor from Shadow Fall. “I fucking love Minecraft.” Hakann’s grin grew wider. “Oh, by the way, the mental blast was only temporary. You didn't need to kill yourself.” “But the presentation is important,” I said. “I give myself a -666/420.” Hakann facepalmed. “That was a bad pun and you know it,” He replied. “Hey! Who wants to go to Korea? I just remembered that one movie.” Craig then looks at Ahriman and says, “anyway why did you come and visit us?” “To be truthful, mostly to visit him, and make sure that our universe's Cadence isn't causing a universe destroying paradox. As well as possibly duel you.” Khârn answered snarkily. “You seriously don’t want to wait for the war? Heck I just lost control and blew up a planet as my powers overloaded” “Destination: North Korea!” I fell on my ass and looked out the window. “Wait what year is it?” “Midnight could overwrite our own universe if she wanted. She just doesn't think it will be as fun.” Khârn replied. “Do you guys know what year it is?” I asked in confusion. “I don't remember Korea looking like Star Wars.” Khârn looked up. “Well shit. Looks like I might get my chance to fight a bunch of people.” “Warning: We are under attack. Though the attack is not very effective.” I chuckled at that. Craig then sighs and says “give me a second” He then teleports outside of the ship before I could stop him. “Are you fucking serious?” I asked in exasperation. Ahriman sighed, donning his Warmaster gear. “I'll be right back.” his eyes flipped into Rinnegan mode as he teleported outside as well. “Fuck.” I stared at what looked like Korea if it had become the Death Star. “Well, At least, I have weapons.” The window opened and I jumped out and dived down and rolled on contact. Hakann and Zaktan looked at each other. “Do we steal his weapons, or go help him?” Kirito then looks at them and says “you try to steal anything and I will end you” “I swear I will self-destruct the whole fucking ship.” the onboard ai said angrily. Zaktan shrugged. “Yeah, but then how would your blue armor boy get back home?” “The void or self-destruct he doesn't care.” “Then what about him?” He pointed to Kirito. “...” A giant cable came out of the floor and punted the Piraka out the window. Kirito then smiles and says, “thank you for that.” Zaktan then rematerialized on the ship. “I'm made out of millions of tiny creatures.” “Your point? I can keep doing this longer than you can exist.” Zaktan wasn't punted this time but instead, a hole opened in the floor and the ship completely disappeared. He just floated there. Meanwhile, Hakann fell. Zaktan quickly grabbed his hand, keeping him from falling to the planet below. “I'll find a way.” He chuckled. I kept running past gunfire from these crazy people, some of them had suicide vest robots. “Ahriman? Craig? Kharn? Anyone?” I then hear Craig’s voice say “I’m fine Church just wanted to avoid them starting anything on the ship” “Uh yeah, about that, the ship will be here in a half hour. It somehow disabled that thing that made it bigger on the inside. Just a regular heavily heavily armored transport now.” “Ok then… I’m sending you my location, you should be able to find me if anything happens” It was then that a titan stepped out of a portal nearby, laying to waste many enemies. “What about those who were left on the board, like Khârn?” Ahriman asked over the comms. “Pocket dimension most likely,” I answered simply. A giant tank that looked like it came from an Asian sci-fi movie drove into view. It was easily taller than any skyscraper from the 21st century and had a ridiculous amount of cannons. I then hear Craig mutter “well that’s not good.” “prepare for Vortex Warhead launch. All forces retreat from the area.” a monotone voice boomed from the titan. I aim my battle rifle at one last target, the target on a turret of the monster tank and fire off three rounds consecutively. After a few seconds of nothing, they finally go limp and start falling. “Go ahead,” I confirmed as I exited the vicinity. “You clear Craig?” I hear nothing but static for a few seconds then a faint grunt say “no my powers are still locked can’t get away from that... “ his voice then cut off. “Firing.” a large missile shot out of the titan and impacted the tank. It stood there for a few seconds, before turning in on itself, before disappearing entirely inside a massive vortex. “Ahriman. You know what we have to do. We have to find a body. But first we need to secure the battlefield. Any room in there?” “We are recalling the Titan and waiting it out in the Warp. You both are free to join us. We do have Geller fields on this thing.” came Ahriman's reply. “Yeah about that, Craig is MIA.” “I have a tracking beacon on his staff and bolter. I can teleport him, but it's risky.” Ahriman replied. “Craig, do you copy?” I get no reply from him but second later see a small flare appear in the sky. “Preparing teleport. If he appears fused to a wall, then it's not my problem.” Ahriman said, and I felt a weird buzzing feeling, before reappearing inside the titan. “Understood, we n *gunshot* *static*-” I clutched the back of my neck as I fell to the ground. Blood had started pooling from an area that had been shot one too many times. I dropped the radio and started searching for something to stop the bleeding. “This is why we gave you that suit of Terminator Armor. Get him to the medbay.” Ahriman said. “This is too fucking strenuous, who makes these suits require a body?!” I yell into the radio. “You don't have to shout into the radio. You're already on the Titan.” Ahriman said next to me. “I blame Sony. Hey, does your suit have an AI slot?” I ask Ahriman. “Heck if I know. I did find a small slot next to my head, though,” he replied. I exit the suit and look at the area he mentioned. “Looks like some kind of implant. Let me see here…” I suddenly feel like I am Ahriman but not. “Did that do anything?” “It feels like someone's in my head,” Ahriman replied. “Jeez man, how many memories did that guy block?” I asked as I look around his head. “All of them. Stop poking around my head.” Ahriman grumbled. “Well, actually they were the first thing I saw… I think he put them there so people could mess with you or something. Eh, I'll leave them if you so truly desire. Not like your past would help you anyways.” “I don't believe they will be,” Ahriman stated. “Bring Craig here.” “He should be somewhere on the titan.” Ahriman glanced around. “This is the United Empire, surrender at once!” A human with an official uniform that had a reverse communism symbol combined with an American flag ordered. Seconds later Craig walked into the room holding his arm and muttering “Damn Discord blocking my healing magic.” “United Empire, this is Ahriman, leader of the New Black Legion, and I would be more concerned with saving your own soldiers first. Because right now, you are in no condition for ordering me to do anything.” Ahriman replied to the man. “We aren't the ones who need saving, you are. Human.” The ‘human’ spat the term with contempt before the humans all turned into terminators. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me! I went to the wrong place!” “Machines, your request for our surrender has been denied,” Ahriman growled, before pulling out his staff. “As well as your right to exist.” With that, a massive portal opened up above the planet, and in moments, the planet vanished into the Half Warp. The Titan remained in space, floating aimlessly. “Ahriman. Why do the weird things always happen to us?” “Because we are Displaced. I hope the machines enjoy turning into servants of the Dark Gods.” Ahriman replied. “That or it would end up like that one robot army that there were so many of to the point that the universe couldn't hold them…” “They are in the Warp. Most of them are likely being possessed by daemons and other forces.” Ahriman commented. “I meant if they were smart.” “True, however, I doubt they thugs of being attacked here. This planet will reappear in my universe. I'll collect the forces, and put it back.” “What is your obsession with war anyway? Not that I don't like war but-” I hear Craig angrily stomping. “The fact that I am an Adeptus Astartes.” “So… living without it equals big nono?” “I'd have nothing to do, so I suppose,” Ahriman replied. “Now, we should check on Craig.” “Craig. You can stop angrily stomping your foot behind us now.” I projected my voice through Ahriman and it for some reason sounded like a female version of Church. Heh, sultry. Craig then sighs and says, “look it’s not I'm not grateful for what you did but well I wish today didn’t go so badly for me… I just feel like my world falling apart after those Terminators I just feel like well…. hell.” “Well, at least, you weren't shot in the head.” I said, but my voice still sounded feminine. Damnit now is not the time for a sexy voice! “Umm, I'm afraid that I was. I got lucky and my helmet stopped the bullet long enough for Bii to block it. It’s why I lost contact with you after they shot the communicator.” “Then it doesn’t count. That thing pierced my skull.” “Oh look it's the Piraka.” Ahriman pointed out to space. “I'm going to do it now.” We all watched as the pelican appeared suddenly and rammed them away before speeding towards us. “That's for solicitation you pieces of shit!” “We are still here you know.” Zaktan chuckled as he sat on top of the Pelican. “I don't give a shit. This is a dud man. The real pelican is away.” I taunted. Ahriman sighed before teleporting Zaktan and Hakann into the Titan. “Hey, Ahriman. Can you do me a favor?” I asked him mentally. “What?” He replied. “Can you give those two a taste of some P.A.I.N.™?” “Eh, why not. But why was there a™ at the end of that?” “Wait you saw that as well? I think it was some fourth wall bullshit.” “Eh, whatever. Let's see here…” he closed his eyes, and in a few moments, Zaktan seemed fine, but Hakann was screaming in pain. “What about Zaktan?” I asked. “It should be affecting him…” Ahriman replied, confused. Zaktan chuckled. “Sorry, Ahriman, but your pain tactics don't work on me. After all, being turned into millions of protodites is very painful. This pain is like a fly.” He told us. I leave Ahriman and suddenly get a very fucked up idea. “Oh? It never had to be physical pain…” “Mental doesn't really work either. Being teamed with Hakann does that to you.” Zaktan replied, raising an eyebrow. “It never had to be mental either…” Truth be told, I knew about way more than two types of pain. “Oh? Then enlighten me.” Zaktan shrugged. “Well, you were describing neuropathic and somatic pain earlier. But those aren't the only ones. Then again. You will feel the pain eventually. The damage has already been done. Not that you are alone in that...” I admitted. I walked over to a wall and leaned against it. “Eh. It doesn't really matter.” Zaktan shrugged “I'm not here for a lesson, teach.” “Yet. It doesn't really matter yet. Anyway, you should probably get your ‘compatriot’ and go. You obviously don't belong here.“ My tone wasn't harsh, it was apathetic. “Sure. Bye!” he picked up Hakann and a portal opened up. “Oh, and thanks for the sniper rifles!” he added before jumping into the portal. “Ahriman. Would you please blow up that star in front of us before I go rampant.” “Sure.” The star imploded majestically. “Better? Because now we need to go to the Warp.” “You don't mean…” “Well, unless you want to be swallowed by that star, which is currently expanding, then yes.” “No, I meant… you realize that the pelican is going to be following us right?” “Indeed. What of it?” “Will… the others from before be there?” “Yes. Don't worry, I've expanded the Geller Field to cover the Pelican. Somehow.” he waved “Midnight still herself?” “Yep.” “I would like to talk with one of these… Daemon Princes. “ “Well, I could summon one to serve you. It's within both my and Midnight’s power.” “Serve me?” “Assist you in any battle, as well as educate you on the Warp. And for small talk.” “Yeah. Let's do that. I assume there are intelligent ones?” “All Daemon Prince’s are. They were all once a being of the mortal realm.” “No. I mean like… not lost their marbles. Mostly.” “Yeah. In fact, none of them are actually crazy. Just filled with a very large amount of knowledge.” Ahriman raised an eyebrow. “Why?” “Fuck it I'm in. Enlightenment here I come!” “Alright. I'll be able to make the necessary summons in my own dimension, then send them to you. Which type of Daemon Prince do you want: Tzeentch, Khorne, Nurgle, or Slaanesh? I would NOT recommend Slaanesh. Unless you want your child to be raped endlessly.” Ahriman asked. “What would you recommend for… someone who wants power and knowledge? After all, knowledge is power. Most of the time.“ “Tzeentch,” Ahriman answered. “Though, they will always be planning to stab you in the back.” “Aye Aye Skipper. Tzeentch we go. I like the feisty ones. It makes KILLING THEM AND BRINGING THEM BACK THAT MUCH MORE FUN!” My voice had changed to Omega at the end. “Quiet, Church, there's one of those ‘Hero’ types in front of us.” Ahriman pointed to Craig. “It's okay, you won't do anything, will you?” I asked as I slithered, yes slithered over Craig. He didn't seem to notice. I finally realized he had fallen asleep standing up. “What the fuck?” “You can never be sure with these guys. Just like that Jason Hughes asshole.” He poked Craig. “Oooh! I can't wait to meet Jason. He will be so much fun to fuck with.” “As Khârn would call him, he's a moodkiller. And he will probably kill you. Very painfully. If you do meet him, be careful with what you say.” Ahriman warned. “I can't completely die. Remember? Kinda sucks to be honest.” “He can delete your universe.” Ahriman deadpanned. “All I need is my pelican…” I whispered. “And he wouldn't anyways. There is a difference between can and will. If he is a hero type then he won't threat innocent lives on other galaxies.” “Have you ever heard of SCP-682?” Ahriman asked. “Yes and no.” “It is nigh immortal and adapts to everything. He can turn into one. However, we created a handicap for it. Every time he uses it in a Warp infested universe, our virus will temporarily neutralize his adaptability and regeneration powers.” Ahriman explained. “Well, either way, I know to not fight every battle with weapons anyways.” Craig then opens his eyes and says “don’t push it... I'm not in the best of moods” Ahriman glances at him. “Yeah, I can sense all the negative emotions around you. Probably some sort of Daemon affecting your thought process.” “Or the fact that Churches Discord has blocked my magic and I now have no way to limit my powers” “Well, I could get my Draconequus Army to go teach him a lesson…” Ahriman said, mostly in thought. “You’d struggle he committed suicide after he destroyed my connection to my magic… it’s why my powers failed earlier.” It was then that Ahriman grinned evilly. “He can't escape me in death. After all, the Afterlife is the Sea of Souls, which is currently returning to being the Warp. And I have control over the Warp.” He told him, holding up his staff. “Don’t waste your energy... “ He then smiles and says, “It’s hard to believe but we are on opposite sides of the war and yet we’re not trying to kill each other.” Ahriman chuckled. “Well, technically we aren't in the War here since the War is secluded to that Universe only. Of course, I could just be waiting till we don't have anything attacking us or until we aren't in space to try to kill you.” He grinned. “After all, I've only tested my new abilities against one Displaced.” Craig then smiles and says “point taken… but you realize that if you tried to start a fight don’t forget my powers are unstable right now and could cause us all a lot of problems.” Ahriman laughed. “It'd be more fun that way,” He replied. “would be… but I don’t really want to die after being reunited with my mom and brother” “Trust me, I wouldn't kill you. Not unless it's in the War. I'd only beat you within an inch of your life, then heal you.” Ahriman said. Craig then smiles then says, “God you sound like the Electrocutioner from Batman Arkham origins” he then mimics his voice and says, “I could kill you, then restart your heart, and then kill you again!” Ahriman just laughed at that. “My memories might be gone, but I still find that funny.” Craig then laughs and says, “Live while you're young mate… live while you're young” Ahriman chuckled. “Why don't we fight out in my universe later? I don't want to cause Church an inconvenience, like destroying most of his Equestria.”He asked “Huh? What? What about Equestria?” I asked as I had zoned out. Craig then smiles and says, “Ahriman's just offered me a challenge in his world.” he then turn frowns and says, “but I have to say no to it I’m afraid at least till I get my powers back in control.” “Oh yeah, speaking of that…” Ahriman pulled out a jar, which held a swirling mass of strange energy. “Here's Discord's soul.” He tossed it over. “I could force him to return your powers, or you could.” “MINE!” I jumped in the way and picked it up. “Tell me your secrets!” I screeched. “Currently, he is nothing more than a swirling mass of energy. He currently can't access his magic, but someone with mastery of the Warp could communicate with him.” Ahriman told me. “I was talking to the jar!” I sounded exactly like Golem. “My precious…” I said as I caressed the jar of the soul. Ahriman shook his head. “Displaced….” Was all he said, before pulling Discord's soul out, and holding it in the center of the room. After a moment, it glowed and formed a new body. “Now then, Discord, I've rerouted your power to only do one spell. The spell that reverses what you did. You can't do anything but that. You have two choices, either reverse it, and live, or become my experiment. I've never tested on a Draconequus spirit before.” Ahriman explained. I changed my voice to a creepy alien one that sounded kinda like the flood, “Comply or die…” “You know, I could just not give you what you want.” Fuwa retorted. “True, but then you'll be my personal experiment. And my experiments don't tend to get an afterlife.” Ahriman sneered. “Who is to say I am not already an experiment. That all my actions weren't orchestrated by a greater being, that this all happened only for chaos. You are missing the greater picture here.” “That is possibility number forty-one. Even so, I could just force you to do what I want. I'm giving you a choice here.” Ahriman replied. “Plus, your Discord, the so-called ‘Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony’. Chaos doesn't involve such planning, especially your type of chaos.” “But am I really Discord? Or just a facsimile? Check my soul signature if you wish. You will be disappointed.” Fuwa said monotonously. Ahriman chuckled. “I am a master of the Warp. I checked veloce capturing you. And plus, if you weren't Discord, then why would you pretend like you were?” “It doesn't matter what you are. And I never pretended. I am just another draconequus. We all enjoy good old chaos after all. Why do you think Discord enjoyed it so much? Why do you think I denied it when you called me Discord?” “If you aren't Discord and just another Draconequus, then you'll work just fine.” Ahriman chuckled before pieces reverted to Rinnegan. A beam of energy shot out from the Draconequus, hitting Craig in the chest. Fuwa rolled his eyes before he broke into pieces. Craig then looks at him in shock and says, “Did you just kill him to give me my powers back?” Ahriman shrugged. “Of course not. I know how you Hero types are when it comes to sacrifice. I merely removed part of his energy and cast him back to the Warp. I am not responsible for what happens in the Warp, however.” Craig then smirks and says, “If you had destroyed him I really couldn’t care less… he caused me to lose control and endanger the life of innocent creatures… I would have preferred it if you had destroyed him.” “Oh, if that's the case, I can send a greater daemon of Slaanesh after his soul.” Ahriman chuckled, before thinking about it. “Actually, that's impossible, since Slaanesh doesn't exist in this universe. Oh well, I'll just send a Tzeentch Daemon.” “That is what you think…” I said vaguely as I laughed my ass off at the ignorance. “Actually, I know, since The Eldar don't exist in this realm, and, therefore, can't murderfuck Slaanesh into existence,” Ahriman told me. “Shhh.” I shush him. “You don't want to know.” He raised an eyebrow but said nothing. “Anyways, we should return to Equestria. Church's Equestria, that is.” He closed his eyes and focused. In moments, the view of the Warp vanished, replaced with the Planet of Equestria. “Here they are.” Amor said as she saw us come into view from the pelican. “Alright, you two. I'm teleporting you to the Pelican, and retrieving Khârn, before returning to my own universe. Craig, when you want to battle, just send me a message through my token. It has a hidden audio camera on it.” Ahriman said. Craig then sighs and says, “I wondered why it felt like you had Pinkie Sense… Now I know that I don’t feel as worried” Ahriman chuckled. “Oh, Khârn does. He just doesn't listen to it. Most of the time.” He told Craig. “Uh-huh.” I teleported into the pelican, and in view of Asuna, Khârn, Kirito, Amor and Scootaloo before sitting down. A portal appeared under Khârn, and he fell through. Craig came out of the portal upside down. “Portal’s always screwing me over” muttered Craig. He then focused his energy and began to spin his body around and stand back up straight. “Dad, you are in trouble.” Amor said. I felt myself get picked up and set onto Amor’s back easily due to me being in my physical ai form. Craig then sighs and says, “what have we done to upset everyone?” I had finally noticed that instead of smiling, all the displaced and ponies were glaring at Craig and I. “...shit.” “What did we tell you two about not dying?” Our family asked us sternly. Craig then smiles and says “You didn’t exactly tell me anything and besides I’m not dead” “Craig…” Asuna warned. He then looks at her and says “what?” “Why do you want to die so much?” Amor asked seriously. I flinched at that. She noticed this and looked at me. “Not you as well!” “Craig, they don't know.” Everyone glared at me in confusion and concern. “...Right?” “I honestly have no idea what you're on about… nobody died… except for the Terminators” “That is incorrect. 20 billion civilians were killed in the destruction of Genisys.” Delta retorted. I suddenly realized that I was in my human form on the ground when he said that. “Uh… Don't listen to him?” I tried. Craig then sighs and say, “well I haven’t killed anyone. The only time was when I lost control the second time I and Church met.” “WHAT HAPPENED TO FAMILY?!” I cried as I started bawling comically and uncontrollably in front of everyone while Amor rushed to hug me. Asuna then smiles and says “Are enjoying playing a joke on you two… well especially you Craig, haven’t been able to for months.” I suddenly pulled Asuna into the hug evoking a loud yelp. Kirito then smirks and says “Well Craig what was this about losing control” He then stutters and tells us “well a day after I first met Church he called me to ask him to help protect Equestria and well we were attacked by The Flood. I lost control and blew up a whole ship in one blast… not even a warships shield could stop it” “Actually…. I have a confession to make… the shields were already damaged...” I said awkwardly. Craig then laughs and says “well, at least, I know my powers aren’t able to bypass shields” Another awkward silence started at that, causing Craig confusion. But it wasn't for the reason he thought. “*static* UNSC Teminite sighted.” Craig then looks at me and whispers, “why do I get the feeling something going to go wrong?” “...Because that isn't a UNSC ship…” I said as I awkwardly pointed out a window. “It's insurrectionist.” Craig then looks at me and asks me “aren’t their rebels?” “You just answered your own question.” “Firing secondary cannon.” The pelican shot an experimental antimatter round that could destroy a planet in a single shot. IT DIDN'T EVEN HIT. “It appears they have deflected our weaponry.” Craig then looks at me and says, “try hailing them, see if they answer, we may get answers that way.” “This is UNSC CCK 119 to Teminite, identify yourself immediately!” “I? I am just a bounty hunter of sorts. Now get out of the way before I blow you to scrap!” A huge beam of energy WAY bigger than a Kamehameha was sent straight towards us which we barely dodged due to autopilot. “Church we need to call a ceasefire between us… as much as I hate to say it we need to talk to this bounty hunter on his terms” “You said you were a bounty hunter?”