//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 - Alpha Protocol // Story: SAE - Sword Art Equestria // by The Dark Brony //------------------------------// -Kirito’s POV- As I slowly got up from the bed Celestia allowed me to borrow for the meantime I began I mutter… “Damn I was hoping this was a dream, but it’s not. It’s real.” I then look across the room to see my swords resting on the wall across from me. I then slowly stand up, walk over to them and proceed to attach both of the scabbards to my back. I then turn towards the door and begin to walk out into the hallway, however just before I get a chance to open it, I hear the sound of metal colliding with the ground behind me. I then rapidly turn around to see what appears to be an energy sword from Halo on the floor. I then walk over to it and begin to pick it up as I mutter “where did this come from?” As I begin to pick it up I hear someone pounding on the door. I then hear a voice shout “Daniel open this door” I then sigh and mutter, “Damn it, mom, you still can’t get my new name right.” I then walk towards the door and open it to see her standing on the other side clearly in a bad mood. I then look at her then said “Wrong name… It’s Kirito now.” “Oh stop moaning. You're still my little boy even if we look the same age” I then mutter, “This is getting worse every time” I then walk back over to the sword on the floor and proceed to pick it up as I began to do this I hear a faint voice whisper amongst even quieter bullet fire “There are more of them! Keep firing!“ I then turn to my mom then said, “Did you hear that?” She then looks at me in confusion then said “hear what?” We then see the sword began to glow as a small doorway appears in front of me as I shout “No not again not another portal!” My mom then grabs my arm and said “Not this time” However, seconds later we begin to get dragged towards it as I mutter “This can’t end well.” I then open up the old inventory and change into my GGO Avatar as I think “well I did hear bullets” Seconds later we get pulled through the portal as it shuts behind us. Perspective: Church The scene in front of me was nearly identical to Halo Wars. There were corpses of Sangheili, Minotaurs, Lopez bots, and Griffins strewn about on the bloody floor. I reloaded my boltshot and hid behind cover right as a portal opened that dispensed two unknown individuals. One of them had long black hair and held a copy of my token while the second wore a blue robe and had long blue hair that traveled down her back. “Get over here! Unless you like dying to bloodthirsty xenocidal zealots!” I warned the duo. They finally noticed all the dead bodies? The first person looked towards me then shouts “mom move!” He then draws his weapon that glows in a bright purple glow similar to that of Mace Windu’s lightsaber and begins deflecting bullets that were flying towards him whilst walking backwards towards me. A duo of hunters were flung through the wall but got up unscathed. The first hunter aimed at me but a full round of boltshot to the head killed it. The second charged the new arrivals. The first one of the duo then shouts, “Mum get to cover you aren’t suited for this get to the guy who shouted us.” She then nods to him as she turn towards us and the first one draws a small pistol from his side and held it in his hand as an Elite Major stabbed through a pony. The pony gasped and tried to escape death's throes but failed miserably as it finally went limp in a bloody mess. I hear the woman shout, “No, Daniel gets ready. Oss, náða, fjor, regin, tynada, vályndr, jotunn” as she said the words symbols appeared around her. “Uh… Lady, there aren't any giants around here.” I said in confusion before an elite rushed a cowering pony, “Lopez 1997! Protect the civilians!” A Lopez bot that nobody had noticed before that was wearing full Hunter Gen 2 armor gave the duo and pony civilians covering fire. I then look back at her again to see another set of symbol around her as she said “Ek skýt fjórir ískaldur ör” with that four ice shaped arrows fly towards the elite and begin to impale it. “That isn't how you do it! You do it like this!” I take the gravity hammer from my back and charge it with forerunner properties. I rush at the wave of elites and smash it down on the Sangheili in the middle, sucking him into a black hole and disintegrating the rest. Before I can react, I am flung straight towards the displaced and land at the female's feet in a smoking painful heap. My helmet falls off and I laugh harshly, “That fucking hurt.” The woman then sighs and said “Þeír, fylla, gullin, öl, helgask, allr, eitrið, rísa, folk” with that I begin to feel my strength returning to me. “I'm guessing you hate English?” I said sarcastically. “No, it’s just that those are the words of power for my magic,” The women said to me. “magic?! That is a genius idea! Use anti-magic on their magic! You genius you... Actually, I don't even have your name.” The female stared at him in bewilderment before saying “Asuna, my names Asuna and the boy you see fighting is my son Da… Kirito” We then hear a voice shout “If you are done with your conversation would you mind helping me!” “Rude. At least, introduce yourself.” I said indignantly. Kirito then shouts “not the best time!” as he is slashing multiple projectiles that were flying towards him. “Elimination system online: 1703 contacts detected. Course of action: Asphyxiation. Director level confirmation needed.” A male electronic voice said. “No Delta. There are civilians here you logistical fuckwit.” I pushed to my feet and got in front of Asuna. “We need to get out of here. NOW.” I took off in a sprint down the halls and straight into the enemy fire which I dodged with godlike precision. I then heard Asuna shout, “Kirito, we need to move! Now!” “Fine.” seconds later similar symbols then appear around him as a large smokescreen fills the corridor. The room behind the duo exploded and the corpses inside were completely desecrated until nothing was left. Warning sirens started roaring as a huge fire started and another room barely a few meters away exploded. A pony that was wounded ended up getting sucked into the explosion and died a painful heat death. Asuna then runs over to the pony then said a few words as it begins to stand again and runs behind me. I finally reached the exit and jumped out before staring at Canterlot Palace. It was in flames to the point that no amount of maintenance would fix it. Why O'Mally? What the fuck did I ever do to you!? The princesses, nobles, and guards had abandoned various civilians and maids to fend for themselves in this hellhole. I won't forget their actions… I clutched my gravity hammer tighter as the palace exploded for the final time. I then hear Asuna shout “Daniel!” I then look around to see that the other displaced wasn’t around. “I must be going rampant… There has to be an AI fountain of youth around here somewhere…” I muttered. I then hear a voice shout “sorry about that went back to help some civilians!” I watched as Asuna walked towards me and said, “What do you see?” It wasn't a very vague question since I was pointing at the remains of Canterlot Palace. I then see the other displaced land next to us as he drops off three ponies that he saved from the palace. As I look at him I notice that he looked much more like his mother and now had some transparent black wings on his back. I waited for them to answer the question, though. After a few seconds I realized they hadn't heard me. “What do you see?” I repeated. Kirito then looks at me and said “A mess.” Asuna then sighs and says “Canterlot Castle Destroyed and also some princesses who need to sort their act out.” “Vy, kazhetsya, ne vidite, chto ya vizhu…” (Russian: Then you don't seem to see what I see…) They stared at me in confusion. Asuna said, “what did you say?” “Then you don't seem to see what I see,” I said bluntly. Kirito then looks at me and asks, “what is it you saw?” “The day this place was being built to the day today and then it being destroyed and rebuilt over and over until it was forgotten, insignificant, and immaterial.” I killed the mood when I opened a portal to the warp and drop a pizza on a tray out. “Pizza?” I lift the tray, revealing a huge pizza that had pepperoni, sausage, and parmesan cheese mixed. I waited to see if they would do anything. I then just see them look at each other and then seconds later Asuna said “and you said you didn’t have magic” “Magic?!” I fell on the floor laughing my ass off. “Zat vas not magic mein friend! Zat was the warp. Originally the realm of souls until it became of emotion and feeling as well as torture and daemon gods.” I then hear Kirito laugh then said, “yeah and my names Justin Bieber. Somebody get the shotgun” “No seriously. Watch.” I opened a portal and a “WHOA WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” I kicked the wtf being back into the portal. “Oh look a summoning spell. That's some magic right there.” “Actually. That wasn't what I was trying to do… That happened by itself…” I admitted. Kirito then laughs and said “You know my brother probably would believe you about that” I got a manic grin on my face, “You think everything is magic?” I said in the Joker’s voice. he then smirks then said, “we are in a world of talking ponies that use magic… what else would I think?” “THEN what do you call this?! CAC12 Fire at the nearest planet.” An explosion appeared in the sky as debris started to enter the atmosphere. I then see them both look at me in shock as Kirito turned towards me and then punches me directly in the back of the head. he then said, “that's for blowing up a planet.” I looked at him incredulously, “It was uninhabited... I think.” Asuna then puts a hand out in front of him then said “Look he’s like his brother that way he has a snappy temper” she then laughs and said “Craig always was like that.” I fall on my ass, which they notice. “Uh…” A guilty smile was on my face which they also noticed. “NOTHING!” I throw a melta grenade very far away through a portal. Kirito then looks at me and said, “what's wrong… you flipped at the mention of my brothers name?” “I plead the 5th!” I started backing away from the duo who started becoming suspicious. Asuna then looks at me and then said, “do you know my son?” I turned around and started running away. I then hear one of them sigh as I then see Kirito appear next to me then said “If you know my brother I want answers” My armor starts becoming different until it is Gen 2 Hunter but still blue. My voice deeper, I said, “No.” I throw a grenade at him and jump over him. I then hear another voice shout something and then find that I can’t move as Asuna walked over to me and shouts “You did not just throw a grenade at my son.” “What about it? We agencies don't like giving information.” I then hear Kirito screams “and we didn’t like losing Craig! But shit happens, get used to it!” I exit my armor in my ai form, shocking them. “Craig. Age: Unknown. Sex: Male. Diagnosis: Work in Progress. Classified Section 3.“ Kirito then looks at me and said, “So you really are Church from Red VS Blue… where’s Caboose are the rest of the guys” “I’m sorry I'm not sorry to cut this reunion short, but that view was beautiful Epsilon. The universe will soon be mine. AND THEN THE MULTIVERSE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” I then hear Kirito mutter “Oh look it the psychopathic AI dubbed O’Mally aka Omega.” “QUIET YOU FOOL.“ A large blast of concentrated energy tore off Kirito’s hair. “That new look suits you.” Kirito had lost his hair and could put Agent 47 to shame with how shiny his head was. Asuna then shouts, “you dick, what is even wrong with…” However, she couldn’t finish her sentence as the same thing happened to her as did Kirito. “Epsilon. You do know what you must do now. Undid Iridium.” I started spazzing out before I finally said, “UNSC AI override instructions active.” I calmly walked into my armor and joined O'Mally’s side. Kirito then looks at me and mutters “Church what are you doing?” “Daddy! No!” Amor teleported here after I assume watching this whole thing and she charged up her horn and started letting loose rapid fire at O'Mally. O'Mally just stared at her. “Stupid children and their need for senseless dramatics.” He fired at her, but she dodged and landed on her hooves in front of the two displaced. Kirito then tries to stand up but collapses and then mutters “be careful kid… he will kill you if you aren't careful” I then back flipped and kicked O'Mally, smashing him into the ground. “Tricked you ya cheap fucker! I removed that override ages ago.” I jumped down to him and started punching his suit of armor rapidly, but he kicked me and sent me flying into a billboard. Amor charged her horn again before releasing another volley of magic at O'Mally. “What are you doing standing there? Help!” She screamed at the stunned duo. Kirito then mutters “wish I could I’ve got nothing left” I then hear Asuna said, “I got you all. Oss, náða, fjor, regin, tynada, vályndr, jotunn” then seconds later spoke a second incantation “Þeír, fylla, heilagr, austr, brott, svalr, bani” we are then all surrounded by what looks like water droplets as we all got back our energy I hear Omega scream at me, “You need me. And I you.” “No, I don’t. I am memory after all. I can just remember you. The way I want to.” I spartan kick Omega straight towards the trio. “You can't let go of your past!” I drop to one knee in pain after he said that as a lone tear rolls down my face. Kirito and Asuna then walk over to me and as Asuna said, “Yes but you also need to remember to not live in the past… after all your past is not today” I finally collapse on my back with a visible cut in my faceplate that is covered in blood. “Never… let… go…” I pass out from shock as the memories flood. Asuna then walks over to him as Kirito throws her a small healing crystal and then points the crystal to the sky then said “Hīru” with the cut in my faceplate begins to heal over.” “Fine. You can have your fucking life. But I will do this again in a few years when you have all but forgotten.” Omega walked towards me and then took one look at the trio before sneering and saying, “Idiots.” He reconnected to me and I stopped having the flood of memories. “I need to get out of this place…” I said vaguely. “Hey, do you have a place I can stay?” I asked bluntly. Asuna then looks at me then said “I’m afraid we only have the place in our world” “GRRRRR… Blow up the rest of that planet. CAC12, finish them!” Another explosion was seen as bits started flying everywhere again. Kirito then grabs his sword and hits me on the back of the head Knocking me out he then whispers “rest” “Yeah. No. I think you forgot who you were dealing with. You just fucking killed me!” I scream as I exited the dead body. “I didn’t kill you… I just knocked you out” Amor and I stare at Kirito incredulously as we point to the obviously decapitated head. Kirito then sighs and said “Red vs Blue… why do you love to screw us over… must be a day in your life Church.” “Well, apparently I am the only actual Displaced Church. No seriously. Everyone acts like I am original somehow…” I attach the head back, get in my body and stand up. They then look at me in confusion and said, “wait for what? You mean you aren't the real Church?” “Word of advice. There is no such thing as reality or originality. Those are concepts of our perception. I am as real as Church can get.” I explain. They then look at me in confusion then asks, “what do you mean?” “We perceive reality as a notion that applies everywhere. It doesn't. There are alternative versions of everything. Anything could change. Quite omnifarious eh?” I laugh. “I still don’t understand what you mean… how do we even get back?” “The same way you got here. Elementary my Dear Watson.” A meme started playing that played when someone got owned. “OH!!!!!” “and how did we get here?” I looked at them in confusion, “You don't… Don't you know how you got here? Wow. You are grade A fucked.” Amor hit me in the leg pretty hard. “Ahem.” “Err… I mean, that's too bad.” She shook her head in disapproval. “Uh… I'll… help you find a way back…?” She finally nodded in approval. Asuna then looks at em then asks, “and how do you plan on doing that? I disappear and reappear a few seconds later, out of my armor and in a 21st century US army combat uniform with the rank Colonel on it. “Yes,” I said, completely ignoring their inquiry. She then repeats what he said “and how do you plan on doing that?” “Uh. Yeah. I don't actually have a plan. I just wanted to look fuc- err I mean awesome.” Amor’s glare softens. Asuna then laughs then said “Kids controlling your life. don’t worry you get used to it. “Asuna. The cake is a lie.” I said randomly. She then sighs and said, “Don’t worry about it, kid. He’ll understand eventually.” “NOOOOOO!!!!” I roared exactly like Darth Vader. “My pizza!!!!” I run to the box and bring it back towards the trio and open it before signing in relief. “You are safe, my love.” They all then sigh at me and said, “are you serious?” I don't hear them as I throw off my helmet and start shoveling pizza down my gullet. Literally. Kirito then looks at me and said, “Anyway you never did answer our question… How do you know my brother?” “...” I awkwardly shove the rest of the pizza in my mouth, avoiding the question. Asuna then looks at him and said, “If someone took your daughter away how would you feel? you’d want to know they were OK wouldn't you?” “No.” They stared at me in shock. Asuna then looked at me in shock and said, “I can’t believe you… you should want to protect your child at all costs… I just can’t believe you.” Amor rolled her eyes, confusing Asuna. “He was joking. He just wanted to see your reactions. Not that I approve.” Kirito then sighs and said, “Would you mind helping us miss? “Get drunk?! Sure!” I pulled out a Carolina Reaper alcoholic beverage. He then sighs and said, “I meant would you help us find out about my brother from your dad.” I immediately popped open the beverage and was about to bottom it down, but Amor snatched off from me. I pulled out another one, but the process repeated five more times until she was holding six CRACs in her telekinesis. Kirito then switches back to the form he arrived in and draws his gun and said “next time you open a bottle I'm going to put a bullet through it” I cross my arms and pout like a small child. “Stupid.” I muttered in a childish voice. Amor rolled her eyes at my antics, “You know, you can't always get what you want.” “You are all sadists!” I point accusing fingers at everyone. Asuna then sighs “we are sadists because we want your daughter not to grow up with a dad who’s a raging alcoholic” Kirito then sighs and said, “come on you ain’t Homer Simpson are you?” I walk towards Asuna and stop a meter away from her, “You would know. Wouldn't you? Miss, I dressed as a beautiful character from an Anime at a convention and then focused on others.” I was using Mickey Mouse's voice to sound mocking. Kirito then shot a bullet into his foot then said, “Don’t be cheeky to my mom.” “Mother's boy? I didn't have a mother so I wouldn't know. Or a… family for that matter.” My tone became more depressed at the end. Asuna then placed her hand on my shoulder then said “well how about you become part of our family… me, Kirito, your daughter... heck even Craig. He does trust you, right? “You want to know about Craig? He is in the War of Shadows. The people I learned the warp from are his enemies. I am neutral in the conflict in that I do not participate in it. He isn't exactly having the greatest of times. And… he never exactly hated me… does that… does that...count?“ Kirito then smile and said, “yes it counts… you realize he was alone for years back home, never could talk to people in open conversations. He was always terrified and hid from the world.” “The closest person I could relate to was Daniel Craig… because you know… went from homeless and worthless to… this. Funny they shared a name in a sense. And you do as well. What a coincidence eh?” Kirito then sigh and said, “my mom couldn't help but shout my real name could she.” “Wait a minute. If I joined your family then what da hell does that even make me. Or Amor for that matter?” Kirito then smiled and said, “you want the honest answer… family.” “That sounds stupid.” Amor said in confusion. “well let’s face it family is what people need... heck, family was the only thing that kept Craig going” Pinkie Pie appeared from nowhere, “Yay! I can throw a new family party!” I screamed and pulled out a pair of military scissors and yelled, “Get out of here before I scissor you!” I did the native American screech. Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened and she teleported away. Asuna then sighs and said “Really Church? really?” “What? She is annoying. Also, she is scared of jihad bombs and native American screaming.” “Just because someone annoying doesn’t mean you should attack them” Amor snatched my scissors and glared at me, “Sometimes I feel like I am the parent.” “Well, technically you are older than me biologically. Or was it chronologically? Physically? Emotionally? Mentally? Psychologically?” Asua then smiled and said, “well you are the one who has the family to grow up with something it sounds like you father never had. well until now” I gulped and looked at Asuna, “Can I uh… talk to you in private for a moment?“ “Yeah Sure,” I motioned for her to follow me, which she did. I walked until we were seventy five feet away from the others and sat down on a pile of ashes and started explaining why Cadence was Amor and the memory wipe and that she would have been sacrificed to a daemon if I hadn't done it. Once I was finished Asuna smiled and said “look at you, you took it on yourself to save her from a fate worse than death… if you look at it that way, I have to say that you will be an amazing father to her.” “Yeah sure okay mom.” I joked but she got a smirk when I said that and I got an ‘oh shit’ face. She then just laughs and said, “How old were you before all this started?” “Uh… 18?” “update your record on Craig his age was 18 as well. you know you should drop him a message to said that you know us” “Hi, grandma!” Amor said from behind me to Asuna. I started stuttering random things such as protests but all that came out were weak stammers. She then kneels down, smiled and said “hello to you to my amazing granddaughter.” Kirito stared wide-eyed at the scene while I fainted. Oh god. I have a mom. As soon as they all see me they begin to laugh as Kirito said “well looks like me and Craig now have an adopted brother.” “404 not found.” My electronic voice said. “Oh quit being so dramatic Dad.” I raised a red flag, “Never!” I dropped the flag and continued laying down. If one looked closely they would notice what looked kind of like a hammer and sickle on the flag. Kirito then laugh and said “We need a medic heavy combo over here” “Okay but… the difference between a medic and a doctor is that a doctor cures you. A medic just makes you more comfortable, while you die…” Amor's face hoofed at me. He then laughs and said, “I meant the Team Fortress 2 medic and heavy…. the heavy is Russian isn’t he?” “Я не знаю. Они?” (Russian: I don't know. Are they?) Church asked in Heavy’s voice. Kirito then smiled and said “yes… yes he is” Asuna then smiled and said, “Ok how do people normally get home after whatever it happened to us?” Do you have a… ahem, token?” They then both look at me in confusion and then asked “a what?” I sigh and said, “Well. What is your favorite thing in the world?” They both look at each other then Asuna said, “we never really thought about it. but I guess for me it’s my friend or family… wait are these tokens something about yourself?” I pulled out my energy sword, the exact same one they were holding and clicked a button on the side of it, “It's a sword not a fighter jet! No but in all seriousness if you ever need someone to hack into technology or just talk or fight, summon me, Epsilon-Church.” The sword said in my voice. Asuna then looks at herself and said, “well I guess I could recreate the Undine race symbol on a piece of paper and use that. “Nope. No… no m- no mot- no mother of mine is gonna go without something authentic.” She then looks at me and asks, “what would you think of using then?” “Is this symbol kind of like a drop of water with a pedestal and a circle with a hole in it?” I made a projection appear of this. Asuna then looks at it and said “yeah that look like the image” “Okay… I'll just do it the simple way. said, I haven't shown you the inside of my pelican yet have I?” “No, you haven’t. it would be an honour to see your home.” “Were you Japanese before you came to Equestria?” I asked in confusion. “No, we were all British. Me, Daniel and Craig” “Merica!” I yell as I jump and point to the American flag on my arm. I then stop and realize something. “Oh… That is why you britties saw us as uncultured.” Kirito then smiled and said, “Never did see you lot as uncultured… heck if you looked back unless you're descended from the native americans we are all british at some point.” “Well… No. You shared your names. Let me share mine. My name is Dimitri.” Kirito then smiled and said, “I knew I recognized the symbol on the flag… communism mainly seen as the good old USSR also know now as Russia now… that's where you were from, isn’t it” My uniform switched to Russian Spetsnaz army uniform with KGB on my back. “Komitet gosudarstvennoy bezopasnosti.” I said as I pointed to my back. We then smile and said “ah the Russian secret service” “Dad! Can we get food now!” Amor screamed, finally drawing everyone's attention. “Oh sure. C’mon! To the pelican!” I said as I walked off in a random direction. “The pelican is the other way.” Amor's face hoofed. “I meant to do that. I was just making sure my turning was working.“ Kirito then smirks and said “of course you did” “Wait.” I said as I stopped. Everyone looked at me in confusion, “Pelicanmobile! Land in front of !me!” Everyone facepalm/hoofed at the name as the pelican landed in front of me. Kirito then smirks and said “and cue annoying jump music from the old batman.” “What sounded like the Batman theme turned into the Red Vs Blue started playing. “Better than any Chinese bootleg I've ever seen or heard.” “agreed” “Were you downloading torrents again?” Asuna asked Kirito sternly. “I will not accept or deny that fact” “And I have to be responsible for you three?” She mock-complained. “Oh? Yea? Well I bet you did weird salutes in Britain! Hail the Queen!” He joked as he did an upside down reverse Hitler salute. Kirito then sighs and said “Hello prince of stereotypes… and it’s God save the queen” “I have something important to said. Guys I have something very important to said.” I said in the Master Chief’s voice from Arby ‘n’ the Chief. “It’s strange all I can think of is Russell Howard's joke for that” “Go fuck a duck.” I said as I walked away. “Ow!” Amor had punched me in the knee. “No.” She scolded as she jumped into my arms. they both then smile said “cutest thing ever…” Kirito then smile and said “if only I had a camera” I pull out an indestructible Samsung Galaxy Note 5 and toss it at Kirito who caught it. “Keep it. I have too many.” I pull out another and give it to Asuna. She then smiled and said “Thanks, sweetie” Kirito then smiled and said, “she will embarrass you at every opportunity… you get use to it.” “At least, it won't be like that time I tried to use magic I didn't know.” “What happened?” Amor asked. “I turned into an alicorn colt.” “Ooooh! Do it!” Amor pleaded. I didn't look at her cause she was probably using puppy dog eyes. I walked into the pelican with the trio behind me. They then smirk as Kirito changes back into his ALO form then picks up Amor and flies towards me and hold her in front of me. Just as I predicted she was indeed doing just what I expected. “Daddy doesn't want to.” I barely manage to say as we arrive in the cafeteria which so happened to be right next to the side panel. Stupid Harry Potter switchy room Doctor Who Tardis Pelican. Kirito then smiled and said, “you have no hope against a little girl… Trust me… I know.” I finally give in and said, “Leviosa or some bullshit.” In a flash I am a cerulean alicorn colt with a wavy magenta mane and tail. I stare at the trio blankly as I sit on my rump. Kirito then smiled and said “it’s not that bad” I am tackled by Amor, who is taller and stronger than me. I gasp as I try to escape to no avail. Kirito then smirks and said “Another one for the album” with that he takes another picture of us. Asuna then laughs and said, “you are just the cutest.” “No! I'm not cute! I'm dangerous!” Amor rolls her eyes and picks me up and puts me on her back. Kirito then laughs then continues to tell me “not really proving your point.” “Save me, mom! This @#$%& wait what? I said @#$%& not @#$%& what?! Why can't I talk @#$%?!” they then both laugh and said, “what makes you think we had anything to do with this?” I just hang my head and use my natural weapon, puppy dog eyes, on the duo. Asuna then smiled at me and said, “We seriously didn’t do it. There is nothing we can do” I roll my eyes before flapping my wings and shooting off down the hallways at mach 1339. “Did you really think that I wouldn't install a little speed upgrade?” Seconds later Kirito appears next to me and said “and did you think I wouldn’t know about it?” “Yes. I said bluntly. Now. I just need to… aha!” Amor and Asuna were teleported in front of me. “We are in the simulation chamber. The improved version of the holoroom from Red Vs Blue. Here you can create anything… with your imagination or mind.” Asuna then looks at me and said, “so in theory I could make my token here?” “Go ahead.” I said in my coltish voice. She then closed her eyes as a small metallic copy of the Undine symbol appeared engraved on a metal sheet. She then closed her eyes again as the symbol changed and became more clear and vibrant and then once again changed into the design of a pin. As the symbol fell into her hand she looked it over and nodded her head in approval. She then looked over at Kirito and said “what about you?” He then looked at her and said “I was just going to have a small pendent of my swords crossed over.” “What? Scared of these?” I pulled out twin energy swords and activated them before infusing them with anger and hatred which turned them black at the edges and dark red for the rest while the metal handle was a beautiful golden finish. They then looked at me in confusion and asked, “why did you do that?” I looked at them and sighed before turning human again. “I call them… The Order of Malice.” I said as I test the swords out. “Yeah but… why would you ever use anger and hatred? They are corrupting.” Amor argued. “Since when?” I asked. Asuna then smiled and said, “He’s done it to remove O'Malley from himself, he’s now in those blades where he can’t harm your dad.” “Actually… That was only one of the reasons… The other is… I want to use him as a weapon.” Kirito then looks at me in shock and said “wait you want to use the thing that almost killed us as a weapon… have you lost your mind?” “Well, when you put it like that it sounds bad.” I said. Asuna looked at me in concern, “You really need to see a doctor.” “NO!” I yelled as I jump away and hide in a corner. “Oh… I should probably mention, he is scared of doctors and other medical personnel for some reason.” Amor said. Asuna then walks over to me, places her arm over me and said, “Why don’t you like doctors?” It then clicks in Kirito. Red Vs Blue, Doc when he was being possessed by Omega. “God I’m an idiot it’s Doc isn’t it? You're afraid of doctors after what happened between O’Mally and Doc in the video.” Amor rushes over to me and nuzzles my leg as I close my eyes and start breathing heavily as images of torture run through my mind. Asuna then looks at me and said “I’m sorry I didn’t think about your past when I saw the weapon I thought O'Malley was in control of you. I’m sorry” A beeping was heard from me. I slowed my breathing when it got incessant and opened a phone and what I heard made me scream, “WHAT?!” Everyone then looks at me then asks, “what’s wrong?” “...Celestia and Luna… They are...They…” I left the sentence unfinished. Asuna then stands up and said, “where are they… teleport me to them quickly.” But I didn't hear her. All I could hear was Candy Melody on the phone with Cadence and Twilight there saying that Celestia and Luna were dead. Asuna then shakes me and shouts “god fucking dammit Dimitri send me to them” “THEY ARE DEAD MOM!” “and I have a spell that can save them if we are quick!” I quickly teleport us to Canterlot Burial Grounds. There were two caskets with familiar cutie marks on them depicting cartoonized sun and moons. I rushed towards the caskets and opened both of them. The sisters were in worse shape than could be thought possible. They looked over 9000 and not in a good way. Asuna then walks over to us and then I see similar symbols appear around her as before as she said “Þeír, fylla, heilagr, austr, brott, svalr, ban” she repeats this over both caskets and then collapses to the floor taking deep shallow breaths. Celestia was the first to heal and awaken. When her eyes landed on me, everything clicked. “Do you know what you have done?! You have threatened the balance of harmony!” And then she did something unexpected she glomped me and proceeded to make out with me. I tried struggling but she was to strong. Asuna then attempts to laugh and said “looks like my newest son has a girlfriend” “I'm definitely considering it.” Celestia said as she stopped invading my face. “As are we.” A familiar voice said. “Well… They always did said they were two paths. They never said you could take both though…” I said with a gulp. Seconds later Kirito flew out of the pelican with Amor on his back then said, “are the Princesses OK?” “Yes.” Luna said as she joined the group-force-yourself-on-me-as-your-boyfriend hug session. Kirito then smirks and said “another one for the album” with that he takes another picture of the group hug. I did the anime thing where tears streamed down my face in a cartoon-esque fashion. Wait no. That was Pokémon. Yep. Definitely Pokémon. “I just want to be free!” I bemoaned. “Is that love I sense?” Amor asked slyly. “Well… Rest in pieces…” Kirito then smirks then says “Resquieta in Pace” Luna frowned, “Do you not want us?” Oh fuck… I do the dumb but nice thing, “I never said that…” Asuna then laughs and said, “Craig would love to see this?” “Then why don't we go see him?” Amor looked at me in shock, “What are you-” She stopped when she saw me pull out a familiar amulet. Craig's Amulet. “Tell me, did you all go to the convention on the same day?” The question was directed to Asuna and Kirito. Kirito then looked at me then said “No, Craig went missing from his room a few months before we went to the convention.” “Who sent you to Equestria?” “I think his niece said he likes to be called ‘Spinner’ or something along those lines” Everything I was holding suddenly became heavier as I jumped twenty feet in the air. When I hit the ground again I asked, “I'm sorry but I thought I just heard you say spinner.” “yeah, why?” “Yikes…” “what why is his name that important” “Okay I'm not calling you two weak or anything…” I said as I pointed at Celestia and Luna, “But your power times a million.” “what do you mean?” “What is your power level, Celestia?” “Why would you… find, my power level is 40205.” “Yeah… His is definitely a million times higher. No offense. I don't really like void dwellers and system admins. Except Loki. Loki is fucking awes-” I stopped when Amor threatened me with her glare. Asuna then smiles at her then said “Amor let your dad off it’s just a slip of the tongue.” I get on my knees and start staring at Amor who glares back, confusing everyone. “What are they doing?” Luna asked in confusion. Kirito then shrugs his shoulders then said “I have no ideas” Amor then kissed me Bugs Bunny Style. I started blushing profusely as I tried to stop hearing Amor giggling. Asuna the smiles and said “Well I guess family has helped him to grow already.” “She just Bugs Bunnied me.” I said in shock. Kirito then just laughs and said “Good old Loony Toons” Amor looked at Kirito deviously, “You are next.” Asuna then walks over to me and whispers “Craig will want to see this” I accidentally drop the amulet, thus activating it. As soon as the amulet hits the floor a large portal opens just above the amulet a familiar image of Craig crashed into the floor. “Oops?” I said awkwardly.