//------------------------------//
// Chapter 47: Meanwhile, back on the farm... 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

	“I spy with my little eye, if you don’t mind, that is, something that starts with ‘B’,” Fluttershy said, glancing around the infirmary.
Applejack looked around the room. “Is it bed?”
“No,” the butter yellow pegasus responded quietly.
“What about blanket?” The orange mare guessed next. Fluttershy shook her head. “Hmm... Well, how about bandage?”
“No. Do you, maybe, give up?” Fluttershy asked.
Applejack took one last look around the room and sighed. “Yeah, I can’t think o’ nothin’ else what starts with ‘B’. So, what was it?”
“Brace,” the pegasus mare said. “I guess it’s your turn again.”
“Hokay. I spy something...” Applejack began, her eyes tracking around the infirmary, “white.”
“Hmm,” Fluttershy whispered, brow furrowed as she considered the clue. “Apron?”
“Nope,” the orange earth pony denied.
“Oh. Okay then...Purple Heart’s bandages?”
“Nope.”
“Hum… gauze?”
“Nope.”
“Uh… Rarity!”
“Huh?” Applejack grunted eloquently.
“Rarity’s back!” Fluttershy pointed. Applejack turned, following the shy pegasus’ hoof to see the unicorn fashionista walking towards them, with Wits and Twilight close behind.
Rarity smiled as she stepped into the infirmary. “Girls, Rarity & Co. Law Offices has returned.”
“Wits End & Co.,” Wits corrected, filing in behind her. “We’ve been over this.”
“I did most of the work. I want a raise.”
“Can we not do this?” Twilight asked, nudging the mint-colored unicorn out of the way. “How’s Purple Heart doing?”
Applejack shrugged, her face a mask of worry as she turned to the unconscious earth pony.
“He’s run up a fever,” the orange earth pony said. “The doctors’re astounded that he’s survived this long. By all accounts, he shoulda died from internal bleedin’ an hour ago. But, he’s still breathin’, albeit weakly.”
“Well, he didn’t really seem like one to give up in the face of the odds,” Rarity noted.
Applejack nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I hope Light Patch, Pinkie, Dash, and the princess get here soon. I don’t know how long he’ll last.”
“He’s made of sterner stuff,” Wits said. “He’ll last until Light Patch finishes self-critting his way back.”
“Bite me.” Light Patch growled as he walked back into the infirmary. “Let's hurry up and use the lady’s music box. I have a long date with a tub of water.”
Applejack arched an eyebrow at the grey pegasus and looked at Rainbow Dash. “What’s got his saddle in a twist?” she asked.
“Slimes,” the cyan pegasus replied shortly. “He had a bit of trouble with some while we searched the dungeon.”
“Indeed,” Amber Glitter agreed, plucking the music box from Light’s grasp as she made her way over to Purple Heart.
“Ah, you’re back,” Doctor Nox growled. “Took you long enough.”
“We ran into a few...delays,” the princess explained.
“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie agreed. “There was a picture on the floor and a funny voice that kept asking riddles! I really liked the one about the mushroom, even though we didn’t get it!” Rainbow Dash shook her head at the pink earth pony’s bouncing.
“At least we got the box,” Dash sighed. “But how does it work?” The Mane Six, plus Amber and Wits, all looked expectantly at Doctor Nox while Light grumbled under his breath. The blue stallion twisted his face into a grimace.
“Don’t look at me,” he scoffed. “I’m not artificer. I’d say wind it, open it, and put it beside his head. Maybe if he can hear the music it’ll work better.” Amber looked at the small music box and noticed a keyhole in the side. Gently, she cracked the lid and peered inside. Stuck to the underside of the lid was a small brass key. Ignoring the inner workings of the priceless artefact in lieu of more urgent matters, Amber placed the key into the hole and began twisting. The Mane Six and Wits all watched in silence as the key wound the music box. Several seconds of turning later, the golden unicorn placed the box on the table near Purple Heart’s head, withdrew the key, and opened the lid.
An emerald fog poured forth from the music box and began to envelope Purple Heart’s broken body with a soothing green cocoon of mist and light. Soft gentle music began playing, lulling the ponies around it into a sense of peace and relaxation. 
“It’s so calming,” Wits End sighed. “I don’t like it.”
“It’s not fair. I’m trying to be angry and annoyed and this is making me not,” Light Patch muttered.
“At least it’s doing something,” Amber mused. “Even if I have no idea what...”
“Incredible!” Nox whispered, staring at the glowing emerald cloud sitting on Purple Heart. “His injuries are healing at a phenomenal rate!”
“How phenomenal are we talkin’?” Applejack asked apprehensively. “It isn’t dangerous to him, is it?”
“Oh, no no,” Nox assured. “It’s just...incredible. At this rate, he should be awake-”
“OOOOOOOOW!!” Purple Heart’s voice echoed from beneath the cloud. “I HURT! I AM VERY MUCH HURT! WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS?!” The ponies present jerked in surprise at the unexpected cry of annoyance and pain. They all stared in awe as Purple Heart sat up in his bed, his eyes screwed shut in intense pain. He cracked one eye open and instantly shut it. “IT’S BRIGHT! HOW DID I GET TO HURT THIS MUCH?!”
“Congratulations!” the Discord-voice boomed. “Purple Heart has just received the feat, ‘Diehard’. He also-”
“SHADDUP!” Purple Heart snapped. “Why is everything so loud?”
“-now has the passive skill, ‘Regeneration’,” the Discord-voice continued. “Further information can be found in your player’s guide.”
Wits End’s ears were folded back to avoid lasting hearing damage. “Whaddyathink?” he asked the assembled ponies. “I think he’s faking it.”
Before anypony else could react, Light Patch chucked a pebble of rubble at the recovered stallion. It plonked off his nose, eliciting a hiss of annoyance from the awakened Purple Heart, and clattered back to the floor. “Nope, he looks to be good.”
Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed as he swung his cobalt gaze to fix the grey pegasus with an annoyed glare. “I’ve got enough bruises, thank you very much.” He rolled off the bed and into trembling legs. Grimacing in pain, he straightened, sighing as the pain fled his body. “I feel a little sore, but nothing a good night’s rest won’t fix. So,” he looked around the Mane Six, Amber, and his two colt compatriots, “What’re we gonna do now?” As the purple earth pony was shoved back into bed by an irate but satisfied Doctor Nox. Rarity gasped in surprise when Light Patch grabbed her.
“Where is the nearest usable bathtub?” 


* * *


Light Patch sighed contently as he finished drying off. Being clean again after the battering and sliming he’d taken in the dungeon made him feel almost human again. He happily trotted down the stairs and into the main pub room. Turning his head, he scanned the dimly lit room for the rest of his comrades before his eyes settled on the eight ponies in a corner. “So, what’d you lot decide on while I was becoming a pony again?” he asked, grabbing the empty spot at their table.
The Mane Six, plus Wits End and a heavily bandaged Purple Heart, all looked up up as Light Patch joined them. The group had reconvened at the tavern they had stayed in after first arriving in Gallopilli, after Purple Heart had been discharged—albeit stubbornly—from the Gladiator Infirmary by Doctor Nox. As the purple barbarian now had his freedom once more, they had suggested that Amber Glitter return to the castle with reasons such as ‘they needed time to plot,’ and ‘gives her plausible deniability’. While she hadn’t approved of the reasons, she had agreed that it would seem strange for the Princess to be seen in the company of not just her lover, but a whole group of curious ponies.
“Well,” Wits End started, “now that P.H. is free, we can put operation Noblesse Non Grata into action.” He tapped the table with a forehoof. “We need to put together the proof that Bastion’s trying to start a war for his own personal reasons, and present it to the court to get him off the throne.”
“I myself actually have a suspicion regarding our resident Princess,” Purple Heart chimed. “While you all assemble the proof, I want to go to the Royal Archives to check the birth records. I’m curious as to how Amber is a princess when we don’t even know if she has a legitimate claim, thus my desire to check her ancestry.”
“Ah bet that ain’t the only thing you want to check,” Applejack jibed, a sly smirk curving her lips. For all his ruggedness and stubborn nature, the purple earth pony had the decency to blush for once.
“Eh...” he hummed, “chisai desu. Little bit. I also want to make sure she’s safe.” The mares ‘aww’d and Purple Heart flushed deeper.
“Wuv,” Light Patch whispered to Wits End.
“Twue wuv,” Wits End parroted back. The pinto cleared his throat and put on a more serious expression. “That aside, one of us should go with P.H, just in case he decides to mouth off to a noble. Again.” At this, he glared at the hulking earth pony beside him. Purple Heart raised a hoof in a placating gesture.
“Oi, oi, I’ll behave. I’m kinda tired of combat for a while,” he said. The mares blinked at him in surprise.
“Oh really?” Twilight asked, bemused. “This coming from the tank who thought running headlong into a horde of bandits was a good idea.” She and the other five mares giggled at Purple Heart’s indignant expression.
“At least I wasn’t the one who got captured,” he retorted.
“Hey, hey. Enough you two.” Light Patch said, pounding his shoed hooves on the table a couple of times. “Mistakes were made, we’ve acknowledged it, so let’s move on. Who’s going where?”
Wits mused for a second, a small yet disturbing smile forming on his face. “Well, since they seem like they have something to work out, Twilight and P.H. will go to the Royal Archives to check the ancestry shenanigans while-”
“What?!” Twilight slammed her forehooves on the table, her wings and nostrils flaring. “Why would you put me together with a bonehead like him?”
“Hey!” Purple interjected. “I resent that! I’ve gotten better! Had to get the stuffing beaten out of me repeatedly to do it, but still! She speaks poniards! And every word stabs! I’m hurt enough as is!”
“First of all,” Wits End leveled a hoof at the purple barbarian, “you resemble that. You pitched that riposte right over the plate, and I have no regrets in swinging at it.”
“I’m surprised you even hit it,” the purple earth pony grumbled, “considering I’m the one with over a decade of experience in that sport. But I digress. Fine. I’ll deal with it.”
Wits raised an eyebrow. “No grumbling? No complaining? No having a redwood lodged up your-” He was cut off by a smack to the back of the head by Rarity. “Oh, is this a general thing now?” Light Patch thrust his front hooves into the air.
“Would you be arguing if you had a time sensitive situation on your hooves?” Purple Heart asked. “Contrary to popular belief, I can think.” The mares giggled, eliciting a glare from the purple barbarian. “But arguing will get me nowhere. So I might as well suck it up. Doesn’t mean I’m not pleased by this turn of events though.”
“Amber has taught him well, huh?” Light Patch said before quickly dodging the anticipated swipe from Rarity. He triumphantly pointed a hoof at the unicorn. “Hah, not today Zur-” Only to have Pinkie push his head down into the table.
“Shh, Wits being witty.”
“We’ll see if it sticks.” Wits End turned back to Twilight. “And for you, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but you’re the best one here for doing research. The sooner you two find out what’s going on, the sooner we can get on with the rest of the plan. Besides,” he leaned back in his chair, “I’ve got some questions about our Miss Glitter of my own. It’ll be good to know exactly what we’re dealing with.”
Twilight opened her mouth to argue, but closed it before she could respond. “Fine. I can put together some more information about King Bastion’s father while I’m there.”
“Alright, what information do you want me gathering?” Light Patch asked.
“Well, we gotta have proof he has an army, right?” Rainbow Dash said, cutting off Wits before he could speak. She glanced around at the surprised looks on the faces of the surrounding ponies. “What? It makes sense, right? If King Baba Ganoush doesn’t actually have an army ready to invade, then for all we know, he’s just settin’ up for some future whatever.”
Wits thought for a moment before nodding. “She’s got a point. We should have proof that the army actually exists before we accuse Bastion.” He motioned toward the grey pegasus. “Go find the guy who did your shoes and see if you can get a statement from him. Some from the other smiths would be useful too. Take, uh... ” He looked around the table. “I dunno. Who want’s to see if Patchy will get blinders?”
Rainbow’s hoof shot up. “I’d love to see that.”
“If we weren’t pressed for time,” Purple Heart chuckled, “I would say yah. But we are pressed for time. If I could, I would. But I can’t, so I shan’t.”
“You’re vote of confidence astounds me,” the Light Patch mumbled into the table, his head still pinned by Pinkie.
“Then what about you?” Rarity said, narrowing her eyes at Wits End. “What will you be doing during all of this?”
Wits End placed a forehoof on his chest. “I, and a select team of ponies, will be sowing the seeds of disco-” He interrupted himself, his lips forming a thin line as he considered what he was about to say. “...of suspicion. We’re gonna go to the court and start spreading rumors against Bastion so that when we get the proof, they’ll be ready to turn on him right away.” He leaned forward again and grinned. “We’re gonna go fabricate Casus Belli.”
“What’s with you and the Fancy today?” Applejack asked.
“Don’t mind him,” Purple Heart commented. “He’s always like that.”
“He’s never said anything like that earlier in this adventure,” Dash pointed out. Purple Heart shrugged.
“Guess it took a while for him to get warmed up,” the broad earth pony mused.
“So who gets to be a part of team white… collar? White Yoke… no. Huh, that expression doesn’t really work in pony.” Light Patch looked up at the confused mares. “So who’s going with Wits End?”
“I’ll need Rarity,” Wits said without hesitation. “Unlike some ponies,” he shot Purple Heart a look, “I appreciate the assistance of a lady with skill in wordplay.”
Rarity flipped her mane. “It’s good to know I’m needed, darling.”
“Wait just a apple-pickin’ minute,” Applejack cut in. “Ya’ll have got your plans, but somepony’s gotta put together the rest of th’ documents. Who’s gonna be stuck with that?”
The assembled ponies looked at the orange farmpony for a full second. “Not it,” Wits said quickly, hopping away from the table and heading for the door. Rarity merely blinked in surprise and sighed before nodding to bid them all goodbye and galloping after the skittish unicorn. Purple Heart winced at the pinto’s sudden abandonment. With a sharp inhalation, he stood and nodded at them before turning to Twilight.
“Might as well go to the Archives,” he said, looking back to Applejack. “I guess that leaves you to do the paperwork. Apologies.” He left the table, walking gingerly but surely out the door, Twilight close behind him. The alicorn looked over her shoulder at the remaining ponies and smiled weakly.
“Take care,” she said before disappearing through the tavern’s door.
The three unassigned mares turned to look at Light Patch and Rainbow Dash. “Well?” Applejack asked after a moment of silence.
Light Patch chuckled scratching the back of his head. “Well, you know, I guess I could… ” Suddenly, he jumped up and pointed behind the mares. “Oh my gosh, look over there! It’s the oldest trick in the book!” The three mares turned to look where the stallion pointed only to hear him say ‘yoink’ when their heads were turned, followed shortly by the crash of a window breaking. Quickly turning back, Applejack and Fluttershy found the stallion missing and the nearest window broken. The farm pony turned to her competitively-minded friend and raised an eyebrow.
“I’d better go make sure the moron didn’t break anything doing that.” The spectral-maned pegasus replied with a sigh as she left.
Applejack sighed, pulling her hat down over her face. “Well, Ah guess that means that it’s up to us then to git them documents in order.” Fluttershy nodded. 
“I’m sure they had a good reason for leaving us,” Fluttershy said softly. “I mean, this way the document will probably be understandable by everypony.”
“Ah suppose.” The farmpony reset her hat and stood. “Alright, let’s get this herd of documents on the trail.”
Fluttershy turned to Pinkie and lightly tapped the party mare. “Um, we’re heading out now Pinkie.” The pink mare turned to look at Fluttershy.
“Oh, okay then. I...” the party mare suddenly frantically searched the tavern. “Hey, wait! Where did Patchy and Dashie go? No! Not again! I can’t believe I fell for it again!”