//------------------------------// // Prologue - I'LL SHOW YOU ADORABLE! // Story: Equestrian Excellent Anti-emasculation Sovereign Society // by Meinos Kaen //------------------------------// Prologue “I... I shall...” “No. Will. Try again.” Celestia chided her student, smiling amiably as the mare sighed. They had been at this for quite a while, but the princess was anything if patient. With the amount of wacky hijincks happening in Equestria on a weekly basis, she had to be. Otherwise, she would have gone bollocks years before. Nightmare Moon would have looked like a foal throwing a tantrum in comparison. That week, though, the problem had been in the minor leagues. Just a small outbreak of the balding plague. It just took a small trip and a regal donation of a number of wigs. Thus, she was left with some free time, which she decided to invest in her latest student. “I... I...” The younger mare's horn sparkled as she focused, the task requiring all her efforts. She swallowed. “I will gladly tell you how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood!” She blurted out, blushing profusely, not daring to look at anything but the floor. Then, she heard the hint of a chortle. At that moment, she knew. “CELESTIA!” The sun princess' reply at her younger sister's outrage was to roll on her back and guwaff. The once Nightmare Moon seethed. “Why did you make us utter such... Such nonsense?!” “Oh, my flanks...” Entertainment and education. Luna broke down her old speaking habits and Celestia got a barrel of laughs out of it. “My, Luna. It's easily explained. First, it's a complicated enough conundrum to make it suitable to train your lilt at such speeds.” The moon princess calmed down, seeing the wisdom in her older sibling's words. The grin, on the other hand... “Second, because I knew you'd look adorably silly saying it!” “I'LL SHOW YOU ADORABLE, YOU-” “Huu, sorry to disturb your majesties...” The incoming sisterly scuffle was cut short by the timid voice of a young mare, who couldn't decide if to be amused or disturbed at the scene: Luna frozen in mid-air mid-pounce and Celestia on her back with her hooves kicking upwards, now both staring at her with the hint of a flush on their muzzles. “But there's... I mean, two gentlecolts are... Requesting an audience.” “... Send them in in two minutes?” Celestia said with a smile. “Yes. That would be advisable.” The young mare 'Eeep'-ed when she realized what words had left her mouth, and zipped out of the throne room, leaving a small pony-shaped cloud of dust in her place. “... Tell me, Celestia. What is this feeling called?” The moon princess landed, the red of her cheeks a bright contrast to her dark body. “Awkwardness, sister.” Celestia straightened herself and trotted to her throne, Luna right behind her, taking her place at her left side on a simple cushion. Her older sister had offered to build her another throne to sit on, but she had vehemently opposed any such modifications to the throne room. The sun princess cleared her throat. “You may enter!” The massive doors on the other end of the room opened with a loud noise, enough to let two unicorn stallions through. The taller wore a monocle and carried himself with pride, and elegance. The younger one who followed him was... Peculiar. A pale, sickly so, coloured body, decorated by acid green eyes and navy long hair, pulled back. His long flowing black robe obscured most of his body, including his cutie mark. His pupils seemed to like shifting from side to side, restless as a young foal finding himself for the first time in a new environment. And then there was the bow, which looked more like a jerking motion, his tall, slim horn barely avoiding touching the ground. Fancypants' was slow, deep, practised. “Your majesties. I hope we did not interrupt anything.” “Nothing important, mister Fancypants. Please raise.” The regent amicably answered, settling her eyes on the unknown unicorn. “I do not believe I have had the pleasure of meeting your friend in the past.” “That would be because my younger brother has been travelling for the last decade or so, your majesty.” Fancypants stepped to the side, letting his brother position himself right in front of princess Celestia's throne. “Please, let me introduce my youngest sibling, GhostlyWhite.” The unicorn 'bowed' once more, his eyes finally settling on Celestia. A lesser pony may have been disturbed by his gaze, or the way his front hooves seemed to rub on each other. “He came back to Canterlot three months ago, and politely asked for me to arrange an audience with her majesties. He says he has matters of social importance to discuss.” “Ah. A philequinist. How delightful.” The princess nodded. It was always a welcome novelty for someone to take interest in his fellow ponies. “Majesties.” The voice was like sharp objects on a blackboard. “I came here to expose a plight on the whole of Equestria's populace that has escaped your all-seeing eyes.” And that sounded ominous. Celestia listened unabashed, Luna's eyes slightly narrowed. What kind of plight could have he noticed that Celestia didn't? “I don't mean disrespect. I only managed to identify the matter upon my return, acquiring knowledge in the far reaches of the world, quenching my thirst from different cultures.” 'Did he just read our mind?' Luna asked herself, surprised. “Very well. What is this plight you speak of?” Celestia nodded gracefully. “It an inevitable, crushing, terrible spiral...” GhostlyWhite said, his voice gradually lowering along with his head. The other three occupants of the room instinctively followed it down, only for the strange pony to jerk it straight up, his eyes wide and his voice loud. “All of Equestria's stallions are being gelded!” Celestia's eyes went wide. Luna stood up in shock. Fancypants lost his footing. “Ah... Huh... Ehm...” A bright flush on her face, the sun princess found herself for the first time in centuries at a loss for words. “I'm... Sorry?” “W-White, what-” “Hmm... Do excuse my taste for theatrical. Why, it is a figurative gelding I'm speaking of.” Those words calmed Celestia down enough to bring her face back to a neutral state. As GhostlyWhite paused, the only sound in the room were twin sighs of relief. Coming from Fancypants. And Luna. Luna? “I'm not talking about surgery, but the general loss of pride and virility Equestria's male population seems to be experiencing. It is what prompted me to found the EEASS upon my return.” “... Ass-what?” “Luna!” Celestia admonished her sister with a harsh whisper before regarding her guests with a forced smile. “I mean, is that an acronym?” “It is the Equestrian Excellent Anti-emasculation Sovereign Society.” Fancypants facehoofed, while the two princesses could only stare. “We've studied this problem and found its source.” “Something in Equestria is causing its stallions to lose their masculinity?” GhostlyWhite nodded in answer to Luna's question. Her eyes widened and she stood. “WE DEMAND YOU TO RELINQUISH KNOWLEDGE OF THIS THREAT UNTO US! NOW!” “LUNA!” Celestia actually raised her voice this time. “Well, it's quite simple once you dwell on it enough, your majesties. It's actually the lack of something, more than the presence of a poisonous element” GhostlyWhite's hooves rubbed each other again as he shifted his gaze quickly from princess to princess. “Please, allow this question of me, princesses. Who are Equestria's heroes?” “Hmm... Well, there's the three secretaries from the history of the founding of Equestria... Twilight and her friends...” Celestia chuckled. “Me and my sister, of course.” Luna actually mellowed at that. She knew that it would be a long time before Equestria saw her as something of that magnitude again, but she was thankful at least Celestia hadn't lost faith in her. “Should I stop?” “That's quite enough, your majesty. Now, did you or did you not notice a pattern?” GhostlyWhite asked, starting to trot left and right in front of the throne. “All of the ponies you've described are mares.” “... Oh.” Now she got it. “I'm not accusing you of anything, majesty. That's just how things happened, but it's undeniable that the stallions of Equestria have no role model, no ideal to aspire to. All they have is mare heroines, which although epitome of braveness...” The pale colt shook his head. “The stallions of Equestria need heroes. Stallions whose tales they can recount, constructs at which great heights they can aspire to reach, to drive them to be better and, most importantly, males.” Hooves clopped. Celestia stared in disbelief at Luna. “That is why I come today with a request of your majesties.” “A... Request?” Celestia distracted herself from Luna's random moods, focusing back on the source of them. “Right now, the epitome of ponykind are the six mares bearing the Elements of Harmony.” GhostlyWhite continued. The sun princess couldn't really argue with that. “And so, I believe that we need to bring this situation to equality.” He paused, for dramatic effect. “That's why, I ask of you, majesties, to select and sponsor a team of six stallions, the best of Equestria, and make them your personal guard, special response team, or any other fancy, heroic sounding title.” “... That's... A most unusual request.” Celestia shook her head. This strangeness had been going on long enough. True, maybe some stallions may feel emasculated by the divide in power and number of important positions and sheer talent possessed by their significant others and mares in general, and recent studies had revealed that 75% of couples had the mare as the leading partner in the sack, but... Celestia cursed. “Well... It's reasonable, but I can't really take-” “I'll do it!” Celestia's found her jaw going slack once again as Luna cut her off and physically put herself between her and GhostlyWhite. “On my honour as a princess, I swear I won't rest till I find these six stallions and make them shine as beacon of hopes for all equestrian males!” “Your words fill me with hope and happiness, princess Luna.” GhostlyWhite bowed and then his horn flashed with navy light, bringing out a heavy book from under his robe, levitating it to the night princess. “And as such, I leave to you this volume. It is filled with knowledge I've gathered around the world, which will help you on your quest.” “Thanks, GhostlyWhite. Your princess honours you and thanks you for your concern.” The two stallions bowed and then headed out of the room, the order reversed from the entrance. Fancypants still had to wrap his head around what had just transpired. As soon as the doors closed... “Luna, what IN EQUESTRIA WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?!” “Why, sister. I thought you would be happy with me finally having a regal duty to undertake.” The younger alicorn was already reading the book handed to her by GhostlyWhite. “Also, such an important duty. I couldn't very well leave such a matter unattended.” “Luna, I mean...” The sun princess exhaled deeply. “Just... Since when did you take to heart the problems of your people that much?” “Since I discovered that stallions could lose the right to call themselves such before I had a chance to get laid.” Celestia's royal rump and then back impacted the ground. She then proceeded to roll on her side, staring at nothing. “... Luna, you're nothing but a horny little minx, aren't you?”