What Are We Going To Do Now?
Twilight time was a fun weekly event for the Cutie Marked Crusaders no apple farm chores no boring school or homework
no hearing Raritys continuous pontifications of a local Equestrian hero during the day or her so called strange grown up noises at night.
The trio happily conducted their studies under the watchful eyes of a one Princess Twilight Sparkle who was also studying something,
what she was doing she wouldn't say but that old scroll was turning to dust as she very carefully unrolled it reading and transcribing
the markings and text of a long forgotten tongue. All four ponies studied quietly till a country voiced filly broke the silence.
"Twilight I'm a little short on legs here can ya get Spike to help me put this book back?"
"Spikes out on an errand today" Her horn lit up shelving the latest volume on Why Apples Are! "to the Royal Canterlot Library".
"Great now I can get a good nights sleep and I won't have to duct tape Raritys mouth shut". Sweetie gasped "Did I say that out loud?"
Scootaloo made kissy noises fluttering her eyes "Mmmmmmm Spikey Wikey my hero! Nom nom nom nom nom!"
"I told ya that book was trouble you made yer bed now ya got to sleep in it".
"That's the problem I ain't getting any sleep!" Sweetie pouted "All my sister talks about is the Ds ".
Twilights face went red "The Ds? . . .Sweetie?!"
"Dresses Dragons Dinner Dancing Dresses Dates more Dragon" Sweetie went deva "All she wants is the Ds!"
Twilight let out her breath after holding it after the deluge of the Ds "Well Sweetie you have only yourself to blame"
She picked up the mane-less tailless plushy for all to see "Spike was this close to giving up on his crush, But Noooo you had to
break out AJs animal husbandry book, Books are a weapon of mass destruction in the wrong hooves, Take my word I've seen
it first hoof " Twilight shook her head "That's why I have Spike digging up these ancient scrolls from Canterlot, With Spike dating
Rarity who knows what will happen , I can't have Spike wrecking Ponyville again".
A collective sigh came from the group Sweetie Belle squeaking "Rarity always liked them big".
Scootaloo gaged "What part?"
"Aw Come ON" Apple Bloom cried out "Yer minds are in the compost heap, we have our cutie marks fer helping folks not
causing the complete destruction of Equestria as we know it. Twilight what are we going to do?" Her hooves flailing about in panic.
"Take it easy Apple Bloom I'm sure Spike wont crush Equestria under hoof after all he's helped so many ponies after his rampage
and he knows what not to do, But I'm afraid we don't have much to go on we know so little about dragons it's all uncharted territory."
Sweetie Belle laughed at the uncharted territory remark "Rarity's cray cray as it is, But Her and Spike are taking it to a whole new level."
"Well it must run in the family" Scootaloo mocked "It was your crazy idea to get them together with that stupid book!"
"That's what I said but no pony listened anyway" Apple Bloom spoke with reason "What's the chance of them having some sort offspring?"
Twilight frowned put her hoof under chin "Hmmmm good question Apple Bloom. . . meh. . . Nope don't think so" She shook her head and went back to her studies and scroll work.
Rarity was in the zone papers whizzing above, sketches of her new designs and inspirations floating and dancing about
her mind moving at break neck speed she drew a circle then another, her circles grew in numbers and her strokes flowed around
with a flourish she mused like a mad mare until her gaze focused on her blotter it was a simple drawing of a mare sitting on a clutch
of dragon eggs.
The mare in the drawing was no ordinary pony, Ah you beat me to it. Rarity saw herself and her as Pinkie said at the castle earlier
her "baby secret?"
"No that's not possible is it?"
Rariry thought over the chance consequences of her licentious liberties with her little purple lover. "Impossible" She mused again.
She closed her eyes in a day dream looking for an answer to her quandary of offspring "Is it possible?"
Her heart screamed "Please let it be".
Her head thought "IMPOSSIBLE. . .Is it?"
Her body trumped the thoughts on hoof "I need to use the ladies room!"
She sat on the porcelain throne in her kingdom of true inspiration, pods of dragons filled the air as she watched from below
her steed trotted along carrying her, Decked out in magical armor a scabbard across her back they trekked through the Badlands
searching for the enemy, a group of rogue drakes that dared to insult a ladys honor and steal from her knights keep.
She spurred the mighty beast to galloping speed drawing her sword ready for battle, Her steel as hard as her resolve to
recover the ruby heart stolen by those uncouth ruffians. Up ahead she had her targets in sight her charge a mighty show
of force against the foe of fire and scales.
She spurred her steed harder for more speed she readied her weapons.
"Ah Rarity do you mind laying off those spurs they might look great in the bedroom but they're killing my ribs"
"I'm so sorry Spikey dear I didn't mean to hurt you".
"No problemo it's your dream".
"Oh so it is sorry dear".
"Ah Rarity?"
"Yes?"
"Those rogue dragons are getting close do you mind?"
"Oh !"
PfriiiiiiiiiiiiiittttTTTTT........................PHOOMPH!
She felt a mighty blow to her gut sharp like a thousand dull spoons digging into her bowels, She was done for.
phiffffffffffffffffffffffrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeePoPFizzle
A mighty blast knocked her off her porcelain mount landing awkwardly on the floor of her bathroom her hooves flailed for
something to regain her balance. The wall did a nice job of preventing her from face planting in the waste bin.
Her eyes focused off the world of inspiration and dreams to an out of date calendar sitting in the dank dark recesses beyond
the bin. She picked up the pages looking at the dates and X marking her special days. . .
She lit a match as a lady doesn't leave her bath smelling like a old sewer and cross examined the dates and X's on the discarded
calendar her special day with Spike and her old special days lined up to a single conclusion one she couldn't deny any longer
"SWEETIE BELLE I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU!"
Rarity stomped out of the boutique turning the sign on the new door to closed and gently closing and locking it after all
new doors cost bits and now she was going out more often it didn't help her finances to replace costly doors even if Spike
was a handy little drake who would install it for a smile, still that door with the glass panel inlay had a hefty price tag.
From her stand in the plaza Apple Jack saw the boiling mad marsh mellow on a mission "Hay Rarity what's got ya all fired up?"
"I don't believe it Sweetie Belle not only set me up with Spikey but rearranged my calendar for my special days, If I hadn't been
with him who knows what type of stallion I would of gotten tangled up with!"
"That's water under the bridge Rares Besides I don't think you would of just settled on any other guy then the one ya got now.
Remember the Gala with all of us letting poor ol Spike hanging like an old rag on a fence post or that Trenderhoof feller
who left you hanging? But ol Spike he helped you every way he could even if he would lose out in the end just to see you happy".
That stupid farmer looked her in the eyes "And if you ask me I figure you're just as scared and in love with him as he is with you".
"Apple Jack You're quite a silly pony, I Rarity the galloping fashion capital of Equestria. I will always stand above the petty fears of
ordinary mares, I built my business from the ground up fashioned for royalty saved Equestria several times over. . ."
"Who held on to her Spikey Wikey like a little doll when she got scared on Nightmare Night, no offence".
"You noticed that?"
"Eeyep".
"Point taken".
"Besides she was already punished. I think you're all worked up over something else don't ya think?"
"Oh AJ what would I have to worry about?" She nervously smiled "I have a thriving business, royal connections everything going my way
great friends a little sister who delivered my prince charming, a room in Twilights castle all the bits I'll ever want. . ."
"foals?"
"foals?"
"Yeah foals offspring little ones".
"Oh AJ I have no time for raising foals".
"Really now?"
"I have to watch my figure".
"Spike can do that for ya".
"Apple Jack ! You scoundrel!"
"You're afraid ya both might be shooting blanks And Spike will see you as less of a mare with out little ones..."
"Oh Apple Jack what am I going to do?" Rarity swooned her chase lounge appeared out of nowhere "I'm not a barren wasteland!"
"Gosh Rarity ya all ain't hitched proper and you're all worked up about havin foals".
"Well you can't blame me can you?"
"For being a drama queen? Do I really need to answer this?Yes, For wanting what most mares want? Not at all,
Besides Spikes better than most fellers I'm sure you two can make it work some how".
In Canterlot Castle Spike was visiting 'Mom' as he fetched the needed scrolls for Twilights studies.
He waddled along the red and gold trimmed carpet like a drake with a mission in life. A smile on his scaley lips and a spring in his step,
Luna giggled as he entered the mighty throne room his show of dragon swag for all to see That proud 'I got some' look we all know.
Celestia on the other hoof watched her 'son' behaving just a little too cocky, you know a step or two above his normally snarky self.
"So my little dragon what's this I hear of the generosity bestowed upon my royal ward by a lady mare of such low morals as to,
Steal my royal gift of the fire ruby heart before you had a chance to savor it's flavor.
A mare who steals a kiss from you after the destruction was yet to be accounted for in that little hamlet of Ponyville,
A bribe for extra favor in coverage to her damages in your mishap no doubt.
A mare with a history of taking advantage of wards of the court like Prince Blue Blood and other nobles and
I might add she also kissed my hooves in a most embarrassing way.
Spike who was this tramp, this depraved mare who took you in the bath?"
Spike withered under the pressure and squeaked out "Rarity". What? SHE KNOWS!
"What was that Spike?"
"Rarity".
"Who?"
"RARITY". Stupid Spike real STUPID as he clamped his claws over his fat mouth.
"Guards put him in chains prepare our troops for a little task of force to the Crystal Castle and summon the Elements, Twilight has overlooked a vital issue to the security of Equestrian Sovereignty I can not standby any longer as these events unfold".
The orders carried out Spike found himself bound in chains with a dark hood placed over his head riding a chariot homebound.
The castle ramparts looked like a garrison. Troops decked out in fine armor their hooves stomping in rows and columns
shaking the floors of the crystal castle from the spires to dungeon-laboratory this was the makings of an all out national emergency.
The Elements having been summoned sat around the map in the main hall their cutie marks in the buzz mode, Celesta talked loudly
at the heros of Equestria. Spike with the hood over his head could just make out the few words making it past the troops gauntlet
of noisy hooves and armor. Words like Spike. . . damn Rarity . . . WHO DID THIS? conspiracy . . .Twilight . . .execute . . .
Spike couldn't get all of it and what he did sure didn't sound good. Actually It sounded as life he knew it was over till he heard some
familiar fillies passing by
"Spike sure got his claws full now!"
"Yeah his life as he knew it is over, done with, ka blewie!"
"Rarity's life too, We're lucky to only get off with a stiff warning . . .Oh hi Spike!"
"No talking ! He's in our custody, You have the Princesses orders now carry them out we don't have much time".
"Yes your royal highness guard guy yes sir" the trio barked.
Spikes knees went weak his spine crumbled his whole world died as he heard the fillies scamper off.
Spike was lead along his quiet last walk to the little fillies room "Wash up you are to appear before the Princess and your dame".
Spikes thought stumbled out 'Mom must be really pissed at me to be dammed to Tartarus'. He washed up as the guards watched
"Spike ol drake you really got hosed this time I hope Rarity's all right". The guards tossed him a package in it was a black suit.
The Master at Arms snickered "Dragon that's the last suit you're ever going to need the Princess sends it with her kind regards ".
Spike dried off and put on his last suit for his execution the hood was replaced and his long march was started step by step.
The guard next to him asked Spike if he had anything to confess as it was he had nothing to lose and a small mercy to gain.
Spike moved along hearing voices in the crowd "So that's him - I don't believe it - It's about time - Can they hurry it up I've got to go".
He could hear Celestias voice "Rarity do you accept your fate as an Element of Harmony as it is written in Equestrian law?"
Spike tried to speak but the guard spoke softly to the drake "Don't . . .Your time will come , Face it like a stall- Ah....dragon".
Her voice spoke soft as silk "I do your Highness".
Spike wanted to help her if anything was possible he could ask for mercy for his lady mare, A confession, but what?"
Her Majestys voice addressed the condemned "Spike do you. . ."
"I confess everything!" Spike yelled as his hood was removed his eyes clinched shut "Eating the gems in the treasury when I was a baby
stealing ice cream late at night when Twilights asleep, hiding my dirty magazines under my bed, touching myself when I think of Rarity".
He rambled on "Thinking of Rarity when I'm touching Rarity, Being a lazy slob and going through the adult section of the library when Twilights too busy in the basement doing experiments when Flash Century er Flash Gorden ah Flash what's his name comes over!"
Spike!
He opened his eyes to see Twilight standing to his left casting a sound bubble spell and Rarity clothed in the finest dress ever designed.
"Wut'sup?"
"A traditional Royal function Spike. Celestia is taking care of a national scandal before it gets out of hoof".
"Am I to be executed?"
"No".
"Banished?"
"Betrothed".
"Betrayed?"
"Betrothed".
"Exiled?"
"Arranged Marriage".
"WHAT?"
"Here's your chance Casanova".
"Wow I didn't see that coming".
"Luna did".
"What's with the black hood?"
"Beat's me some forgotten tradition I guess".
Celestia stood before the group "May we continue my little deviants?"
"I'm not being banished?"
A resounding "NO!" came from the collective under the bubble.
"Can we get done with this I've got a cake with my name on it!"
The bubble expired as the crowd waited for the ceremony to finish, Most of Equestria was seen from the Apple family plus to Zacora
If anything was worse than a groom skipping out on his pregnant bride it would have to be letting the buffet get cold before it's eaten.
"I'll go with the short version. Do you two mind?"
"I was hoping for a more traditi..." Raritys little petition was vetoed by Celestias royal Canterlot voice.
"DAME LADY RARITY DO YOU?"
"SPIKE THE DRAGON DO YOU?"
They both looked dumb struck and mortified slowly nodding in reply "Yes I think so...." She whimpered Spikes reply was "Ah sure".
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU DRAKE AND DAME"------------ "Luna don't you dare!"------"LUNA I CALLED DIBS!"
Pandamonium erupted in the grand hall as the two royal sisters battled for the first slice of cake.
The food fight was of epic proportions as the whole of Equestria sided with their favorite princess. No pony was spared.
Spike and Rarity snuck out of the castle covered in scraps of food their future was a blank scroll before them at least for the time being
until some other terrible author took to the pen and keyboard to create another horrible fan fic about them.
THE END?