The Traveling Tutor and the Royal Exam

by Georg

Chapter 35 - The End and Loose Ends

Time: 7:15 P.M. 45 minutes until Zero Hour
Scheduled Event: Arrival of the Bride
State of Bride Anxiety: Null

From far above the castle, the wedding grounds appeared to be a solid multicolored blur of activity. The four Royal Guard pulling the chariot and their two princess escort swung wide around the yard, making a long pass above the cheering ponies, griffons, and other sapient races before slowly descending to a roughly cleared space.

Twilight Sparkle, of course, did not want to wait for the chariot carrying her and her friends to land, but she bit down on her bottom lip and smiled, waving one hoof to the cheering crowd while it descended. She was a princess now, with all of the responsibilities that went with the position. The Cutie Mark Crusaders could pile out of the chariot and pony-pile Princess Sun Shines and the little brown colt next to her, and all anybody would do was laugh. Rainbow Dash could dart out from the descending chariot and land next to Twilight’s future husband to give a non-royal noggin rub without political implications. Applejack could stagger out of the chariot looking like she was really needing to kiss the blessed solid ground and nopony would be concerned at all.

Princess Twilight Sparkle stepped out of the chariot once it had stopped moving and stood between Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, trying to keep her own motions calm and princess-like when all she wanted to do was to squeeze the stuffing out of the scroungy-looking green stallion, who was nearly covered in mud and bits of chopped vines.

Oh, what the heck!

He squished well, and returned her rough embrace with both forelegs. After her slog through the Everfree Forest and his day-long vine battle, the two of them had nearly matching stenches, but his lips were cool against hers and the world slowed to a halt as she pressed her advantage. And, to her satisfaction, she could see his tail stick out almost straight while they kissed.

“Where are we on the checklist?” she gasped once they broke for air.

“New checklist.” He pointed at a recently cleared doorway into the castle where the rest of Twilight’s friends were being herded. “First check, get the wedding party cleaned up and into Rarity’s backup dresses. Second check—”

A small raincloud overhead burst into a torrential downpour that soaked them to the skin in moments. Above, Rainbow Dash smirked at them while stomping out the last of the water out of the shrinking cloud. “Soap?” she asked, while Crosswind held out a bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo.

Time: 7:35 P.M. 25 minutes until Zero Hour
Scheduled Event: Wedding Party gathering

The castle infirmary was a cool and shadowed place, now that the vines had withered into small pieces and been thrown out the window. It was also a fairly empty place, now that the grinning little crystal ponies who had wriggled their way through the spiky vines with a whole armory of tools and weapons had left also. Seriously, they made such a big deal out of getting a cutie mark.

Prince Blueblood shifted his bruised limbs uncomfortably on the bed and moved his cast, wishing that at least one of the wounded ponies or medical staff had remained instead of going out into the castle grounds. Not that he was lonely, but rather without anypony to provide leadership to, he felt underutilized. Now the sounds of the upcoming wedding filtered in through the open window with happy ponies ready to celebrate the wedding of Princess Twilight Sparkle to that idiot, and it made his blood boil without anypony to take it out on.

The click, click, click of hooves on tile made Blueblood sit up in bed and prepare his list of complaints. Unfortunately, his prepared outburst was cut off as the dark form of Princess Luna strode into his room, followed by a young griffon hen and Green Grass’ annoying unicorn servant. Aunt Celestia’s sister never had liked him, and last night had only made things worse. She was immune to his carefully crafted arguments and emotional appeals, as cold and unfeeling as Aunt Celestia was warm and caring.

“Good evening, Prince Blueblood,” said Princess Luna with her lips drawn into a thin line. “Might I introduce Emperor Ripping Claw’s favorite daughter, Lady Sophia of the High Nest.” The slim griffon to Luna’s side bent her knees and cast her enticing green gaze down in a ladylike sweep and flutter of dark eyelashes. She was far more scrawny than Blueblood preferred, and a griffon to boot, barely worth a passing glance as Blueblood turned directly to the real problem.

He shifted positions on the bed in order to show the creamy white of the cast on his foreleg in the best light of the infirmary, as well as an attempt to make the discoloration of his bruises seem larger. The real pain was on the inside, as Princess Twilight had continually lectured him while smashing him around the room, calling him all sorts of names that he certainly did not deserve. It was all the fault of that ratty little green scoundrel, after all. The undeserving fool had gotten under Blueblood’s skin like a tick, and would not listen to reason or even take his appropriate bribe to get out of the way. It certainly would have only taken breaking one leg to get him to leave, and then everything would have been right again. It was not as if — Blueblood shuddered inside — he was actually going to kill the little creep. He just needed some time alone with her, beautiful princess to handsome prince, and everything would go just the way he had planned. Certainly another princess could see this, even one as cold and emotionless as Princess Luna.

“Auntie Luna,” he started with that little touch of whining that was so effective on Auntie Celestia, “you simply must stop the wedding this evening. Princess Twilight Sparkle is obviously distraught and not in her right mind.”

Luna just continued to ignore him and unfolded a letter written on Aunt Celestia’s creamy stationary. She cleared her throat, checked to ensure that the two guests were still at her side, then lit her horn and caused a shimmering dark aura of a privacy spell to form on the infirmary door. Only when she was certain that all of her props were in place, did she continue with the letter.

“Dear beloved nephew,” she started. “I have talked with you and attempted to teach you nearly every day of your life, but have not been able to see you grow into the noble prince that I know is within your potential. Still, I have tried to the extent of my patience, using every effort short of physical violence. I love you like my own son and wish only the best for you, but your behavior in regard to Twilight Sparkle’s wedding has forced me into an action which I did not wish to take.

“You must leave Canterlot for a time until you have learned your lesson. Had you been anypony else who had threatened the life of my former student’s beloved, you would be rotting in a jail cell until the end of your natural life, but I believe that there is still good within your heart. There have been a number of your Royal peers who have requested that I exile you to some far off island, but that will not bring out that which I see inside of you. You have rested on both your and my name for far too long. You need a challenge in your life, and with that in mind, I have arranged a trade with Emperor Ripping Claw in order to give you one last chance. It is fortunate for you that Equestria’s present ambassador to the High Nest has given notice that she is ready to retire, and we are in need of a noble of high birth to hold the prestigious office. Despite Luna’s objections and several qualms myself, as of this moment you are Prince Blueblood, Ambassador to the High Nest. Congratulations, etc…”

The letter floated over to him in Luna’s dark magic field and Blueblood looked it over with a scowl. “Aunt Celly would never do this to me! Diplomat to the birds? Is this some sort of joke?”

The young griffon hen let out a snort of derision. “If this were a joke, it would start ‘A unicorn, a pegasus and an earth pony walk into a bar, and the unicorn says—’”

“This isn’t funny!” Blueblood turned his fiercest scowl on the blasted servant, Paperweight or something, who had fairly doubled up and fallen on the floor with laughter, which apparently was contagious enough to infect the chuckling griffon hen in turn. “Stop laughing!”

“I assure you, My Prince, that my sister and I take this appointment of yours in the most serious fashion.” Luna’s tone could have frozen a bonfire, and in the resulting silence, she unfolded a second sheet of paper, this one far more ornate and covered in various important stamps and seals. “My sister has acquiesced to certain concerns about your behavior, in particular that unrepentant attitude of yours. As you are aware, current Equestrian law forbids the practice of assigned marriages for commoners. You, however, are anything but common, and political alliances by marriage have a long and noble tradition.”

As there were only two dots to connect, Blueblood connected them instantly. He looked at Sophia, daughter to Emperor Ripping Claw and eligible single griffon with his eyes slowly widening in shock. “You can’t do this,” he protested. “It’s unnatural! She’s a griffon!”

“And you are an Equestrian Prince,” said Luna flatly. “As such, your life is service to the Crown, but as you noted, we can not order you wed to Lady Sophia and assign you the post of Equestrian Ambassador to the High Nest. She is a foreign national, and as such your wedding to her would make you ineligible for the post.” Luna floated the ornately decorated sheet of paper over to Lady Sophia, who made it vanish into her purse before continuing the conversation.

“What she’s saying, hot stuff, is that if you act the part and behave yourself, you get to travel overseas and experience all of Great Griffon for a few years before being called back to Canterlot and allowing the next ambassador to take your place. The Ambassador’s post is yours until you screw up. One diplomatic incident, one social embarrassment, one young maid who reports your conduct towards her is anything less than a gentlestallion—” The young griffon preened briefly. “The marriage contract comes out and I get to be Princess Sophia of the High Nest. We’ll be the talk of the social scene throughout the Griffon Empire, just you and me. Plus any little hippogriffs, of course.”

“I could simply turn down the Ambassadorship and the wedding, Aunt Luna,” sneered Blueblood weakly.

“Thereby renouncing your family estate and turning all of your holdings back to the Crown,” continued Luna. “Prince Green Grass could administer them in your stead while you serve your life sentence in prison for your assault upon him. Think about that, Your Excellency. We have already selected a fine junior diplomat named Primrose as your aide. She has considerable experience with griffons and should be able to deal with the vast majority of your workload. Also, we will be adding a medical pony to your staff in order to take care of you during your rehabilitation and to ensure your health during your appointment. I believe you already know Miss Crosswind. All that is left is to assign you an appointment secretary, and your immediate staffing should be complete.”

“Cross—” Papercut coughed into his hoof. “Pardon me, Your Highness. Did you say Miss Crosswind would be traveling to the High Nest with Prince Blueblood?”

“Her invitation is pending,” said Luna with a slow nod to him and a faint squint to her eyes that could have been a suppressed smile. “We can see no other employee of the Crown more suitable for the position. Rip says he will delay the departure of the Indomitable until tomorrow due to some mechanical issues, and has extended an offer to transport our entire diplomatic mission when he returns to the High Nest.”

Lady Sophia bobbed her head and added with a twinkle in her green eyes, “Dad wants me to be the Empire’s liaison with the Equestrian embassy, so I’ll keep a wing over Crosswind for you.”

Papercut bowed back. “That is very generous of you, Your Highness, but I do not believe that will be necessary. Princess Luna.” The green-coated appointment secretary turned to the Princess of the Night and bent into a full bow. “I would like to apply for the position of appointment secretary to His Highness, Prince Blueblood of House Blueblood.”

Blueblood cleared his throat, determined to get at least a little input into the staffing of his exile. “You do understand that I shall be going to Great Griffon tomorrow, correct? That is a great distance from home.”

Papercut lifted his head and regarded Blueblood with a surprisingly sympathetic nod. “Lord Green Grass is fond of saying that his home is defined by the ponies around him. My mother told me that home is what you make of it. I will be proud to serve to the extent of my abilities, My Prince. It is my duty and my desire.”

“Meh.” Blueblood waved a hoof in dismissal. “I have no objections to your appointment. Have my bags loaded onto the airship by the time of our departure.”

“Five bags,” clarified Lady Sophia. “Space on the airship is limited.”

“Five large bags,” countered Blueblood. “Plus one for each of my staff. I shall need to be properly attired and groomed during my exile, and so will those in my employ.”

“Bags no larger than a pony,” returned Lady Sophia.

“Bags weighing no more than myself,” said Blueblood. “In addition…”

Unseen behind them, Princess Luna and Papercut slipped out the infirmary door while the Griffon Prospective Princess and Equestrian Prince negotiated. Luna had nearly gotten through the maze of corridors that led outside before Papercut cleared his throat and requested permission to speak.

“Two things, Your Highness. First, you haven’t asked Crosswind to accompany Prince Blueblood yet, have you? Lord Green Grass reminded me to parse your words carefully, and I just noticed you did not say that you had invited Crosswind at this time.”

“You are correct.” Luna nodded. “Please pass along my invitation to your paramour. I believe the two of you will have a wonderful time in the High Nest, despite your Royal charge.”

“Uh-huh. Secondly, where did Princess Celestia take Lord Green Grass? It’s almost time for the ceremony.”

Luna shook her head and chuckled. “My sister is a bit of a drama princess.”

Green Grass strolled along beside Princess Celestia, looking at the starry expanse that stretched out beyond the seemingly translucent pathway of bubbles he was walking down. Glowing panels of light popped into existence beside them as they walked, displaying scenes of his and Twilight’s life from the time they had first met up until he was covered in bits of vine and dirt while shouting orders to other ponies. He politely waited until Celestia was done singing before interjecting his own opinion into the ongoing cosmic experience.

“Shining Armor’s description didn’t do justice to this, Your Highness. Thank you.”

“Oh.”

Celestia seemed to deflate a little but she perked back up when Green Grass added, “I’m probably never going to discover a new form of alicorn magic and get my wings, but it’s a great honor for you to show me this place anyway.”

“I thought it proper for the both of you,” said Celestia, slowing her pace to a halt. “The two of you are much alike.”

“Yeah,” admitted Green Grass while watching a glowing window that showed the two of them fighting to move a stubborn vine away from Princess Cadence. “He’s a noble prince of a distant Crystal Empire who can shield an entire city and I teach little foals to make lights on the ends of their horns.”

“You both have large hearts, and a tendency to underestimate your abilities,” said Celestia. “The Royals look on Shining Armor as one of them, despite his origin in a lesser house of nobility, while the common ponies look on you as one of them despite your origin in a somewhat higher house of nobility. Even the non-pony races respect your ‘ordinariness’ so to say.”

“So I’m special because I’m not special? I suppose… I can live with that. It would be a long road to try to outshine my new wife, I suppose.”

“Behind every great pony are uncounted multitudes cheering them on, Lord Green Grass. I had always worried about Twilight being able to find a special somepony who would not become frustrated attempting to outshine her. Instead, she has found somepony who makes her shine brighter than ever.”

They stood and watched the moving pictures floating in mid-air for a while until Green Grass voiced the question that was bothering him. “So, these windows are a record of the times when Twilight and I were together, correct?”

“Of course,” Celestia replied with her usual grace.

Green Grass cocked an eyebrow. “Even during our… intimate times?”

Now it was Celestia’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “I assure you, Lord Green Grass, that I do not spy on you and my former student while the two of you are… indisposed.”

“I see.” He looked back at the windows and considered his words, eventually deciding that Princess Celestia would probably not leave him in this place if he said the wrong thing. “How about afterwards?”

“Look at the time,” declared Celestia, turning and striding away. “We really need to get you back to Twilight. After all, you’ve got a wedding this evening.”

Time: 7:49 P.M. 11 minutes until Zero Hour
Scheduled Event: Wedding (duh!)

Papercut crowded nearer to Crosswind in the group of ponies lifting up the back of the bleachers. There was a persistent wobble to it that had several of the earth ponies nervous, and since the sounds of other ponies still stamping down loose bits of turf and straightening up trees continued to echo around the castle yard, the mixed collection of ponies had all diligently climbed off and attempted to engage in a last-minute fix to their wedding observation perch. Over the sound of hammering, Papercut moved his mouth closer to Crosswind’s ear and asked, “Did Her Highness find a replacement crown for her missing Element?”

“Stuffy Wickers went sprinting back to the Royal Archives and brought one back a few minutes ago,” said Crosswind. “It’s this cute little thing with five rubies. How about Greenie?”

“His Lordship has been keeping the coronet under his hat, literally. He says it gives enough weight to keep that disreputable headgear on his head. I gave both of them a good brushing before he shooed me out here. Under the circumstances, I don’t believe any minor soil will really matter. Careful of that brace.”

Both of them ducked as a hefty wooden brace was lifted over their heads and the hammering to stabilize the bleachers began again.

“At least you found your dress jacket,” said Crosswind, running a dirty hoof down her chest and the empty medical satchel on her side. “I look terrible.”

“Actually, Lady Rarity provided the suit coat for me.” Papercut shifted his weight and lifted as the last brace was fitted to the bleacher, a physically-demanding action that was suspiciously easier since his last few months of groomsitting. “She simply stuffed it on me as she was galloping past. Princess Twilight’s friends are—”

He stopped with one hoof at his chest, frozen where he had been adjusting a button. A quick peek verified his suspicions and Papercut considered the young pegasus who was still leaning up against him, even though the bleacher repair had been completed. Although she was smeared with mud and grass stains, Crosswind could not have been more beautiful if she were bathed to perfection and dressed in the finest Prench silks. He gave the pocket one last touch before putting his hoof down on the ground. He was going to need all four hooves if he was going to get through the next few minutes.

“Princess Twilight’s friends are twisted, devious little sneaks,” he declared. “I shall miss them tomorrow when I travel to the High Nest with Prince Blueblood in my new position as his appointment secretary, and I should certainly miss you far more, Miss Crosswind. Would you be willing to accept the vacant position of medical pony to His Royal Highness during his upcoming stint as Equestrian Ambassador to the High Nest?”

“Y-you’re going to Great Griffon?” Crosswind glanced over at the wedding guests, one of which was the massive form of the Griffon Emperor, sitting with the rest of the diplomats and distinguished guests and showing only a few ragged scratches from their battles against the spiked vines. Somehow, the emperor caught her glance and looked back with a knowing wink.

“My service abroad shall be for several years, provided Prince Blueblood behaves himself. Otherwise—”

“Yes,” said Crosswind abruptly. “I wouldn’t want you to be lonely,” she added.

“Of course.” Papercut swallowed what felt like a bale of dry hay, but if Green Grass could do this, he could too. And more promptly. “There is one more thing.”

The raw earth beneath his knee sent a chill up his flank as Papercut lowered himself down, silently levitating the diamond ring out of his pocket and over in front of Crosswind.

There seemed to be a few hundred butterflies caught in Green Grass’ stomach as he peeked out through the privacy curtain at what looked like every living creature in Canterlot crammed into and above the castle main yard. Over him, griffons and pegasi alike sat flank to flank on the Indomitable, which had been rotated sideways at its mooring in order to provide a better view of the impending wedding ceremony, and even a few unicorns and earth ponies crowded the rails for an aerial view. There was no His or Her side to the attendees, just a chaotic and happy mix of smiling creatures and one really, really, really nervous groom.

“Relax, bro,” said Graphite, sliding up beside his younger brother. “Worst case, I’ve got a ventriloquism spell, and Shiny can just brace you up between us.”

“You’re not getting cold hooves, are you?” asked Shining Armor, running a sharpening stone down the length of the Twinkle family sword.

“No,” he managed to croak, shifting under the load of his freshly-delivered spare suit and four replacement shoes. “Just nerves. And my back itches.”

“Mine too,” said Shining Armor. “It’s been pretty bad for the last few weeks.”

Green Grass swallowed and took a deep breath. “Twilight said her back itched like crazy for a few months before she turned into an alicorn. Said it was right where the wings came in.”

“Very funny, GG.” Graphite paused with a hoof on his dress suit jacket, giving a quick and self-conscious scratch to his shoulder. “You’re joking, right?”

“Excuse me.” Shining Armor stood up and sheathed the family sword. “I’m going to go check the setup for Twilight’s bridlemaids. Bring him out when I signal. Don’t make me chase him down.”

The brothers remained quiet until Shining Armor had left, then Graphite gave a brief snort. “How did you manage that, GG?”

“Nonmagical itching powder. I snuck into his closet when we were in the Crystal Empire and treated every one of his jackets around the shoulders as well as his jogging suit.”

“Living dangerously, bro.” Graphite shook his head. “I heard about that ‘Shiniest Armor’ competition you started. He’s going to get even.”

“Not if I stay ahead.” Green Grass grinned through his butterflies and patted the flower in his buttonhole. “I’ve got friends to help out.”

“Thirsty friends,” whispered the flower. “Could I perhaps trouble you for a teensy glass of water?”

“Fry it, Spike!”

Four young mares hung desperately onto their friend as a short piece of paper with a series of checkboxes and checkmarks was wrestled away from Twilight Sparkle, meeting its preordained fate by dragonfire with a short wail of misery from the author.

“Spike! I’ve still got ten minutes before I have to walk down the aisle. That’s plenty of time to go through the checklist a few more times! Get it back!”

“No can do, princess.” Spike crossed his arms and huffed out a puff of smoke.

Twilight Sparkle slowed her struggles and looked around the pavilion at her friends, but mostly the pavilion. A dozen castle curtains had given their lives just so Twilight did not have to stand in the middle of the crowd while waiting for the music to start, and although Rarity assured her the curtains would be returned no worse for wear, it still was a soothing gesture to her stressed mind. The crowd was quieting down now as the faint notes of harp strings being tuned told Twilight where they were on the schedule, and when Lyra and the rest of the choir started, the giant boulder of inevitability would start to roll. One at a time, her friends would walk down the aisle, be met by one of Green Grass’ friends or family, and escorted to their waiting platform. Even Cadence was waiting just outside of the pavilion, as she was just slightly too long and tall for all of them to fit inside at one time. Twilight Sparkle was supposed to be elated, but the stress kept her nibbling at her mane and she only resisted a big bite out of her wedding bouquet because of the aerodynamic changes it would induce in the flower’s flight path afterwards.

“Thank you, girls. And Spike. I never would have gotten here without you.”

Rainbow Dash snorted above her. “Yeah, you and Greenie would have been in Las Pegasus, tying the knot in front of some old geezer elk in a white jumpsuit.”

“Don’t you go and forget that this ain't the end of it,” said Applejack, who somehow had managed to ‘misplace’ the ring of flowers around her head again. “When all this royal shindig is over, you and Greenie still need to jump the broom earth pony style over at the farm tomorrow or it ain’t official.”

“Yeah!” proclaimed Pinkie Pie. “And we didn’t get to chase the groom and track him down at all, Twilight. It’s not a real wedding until the search party drags the poor stallion over to the Town Hall and ties him up.”

Rarity said nothing, as she was busy weaving a new circle of flowers for Applejack’s head, this one with tie-downs.

“It’s too bad you don’t both have wings for a pegasus wedding, Twilight.” Rainbow Dash raced around the top of the pavilion, making it sway dangerously in the slipstream. “The bride and groom gather two clouds and put them together to show how their lives are joined, then they kick them over the wedding party to soak them all down.”

“Does that signify fertility?” asked Twilight Sparkle.

“Naa,” scoffed Rainbow Dash. “Weddings are just a lot more fun when everpony is soaking wet.”

Fluttershy continued, “Afterwards, they use the empty cloud to build their home together, much like birds build onto the nests we make for them. What do unicorns do special for weddings?”

“Prenuptial agreements, normally,” said Twilight Sparkle. “We signed one last week. I don’t mess with his comic books, and he doesn’t get to play with any of my ‘princessy stuff’ in return. I wonder what alicorns do for weddings.”

“Invasions, it seems,” said Cadence from outside the cloth walls of the pavilion. “Heads up, Twilight. Here comes your father with the Best Mare.”

“Greetings, lovely ladies.” Despite the layers of dirt and grass that Twilight had seen on her father when she landed, Night Light had been properly groomed and dressed for the occasion in Rarity style if the compression wrinkles in his suit coat were any indication. “Good evening, Princess.” Night Light’s golden eyes twinkled as he looked at his only daughter. “You’ve always been a princess to me, Twiley. Are you ready?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.” Twilight Sparkle looked down at Green Grass’ younger sister, who still had a piece of grass tucked into the pale silver mane that cascaded over her ear. On the off chance that it was intentional, Twilight left it alone and glanced over the rest of her outfit, which was certainly a product of Rarity’s emergency creativity and some of the castle’s curtains. “Hello, Frost. Are you excited?”

“I’ve been too busy to be excited, Princess— I mean sis.” She produced a checklist of her own and rattled down the points. “I got the flower petals for your flower fillies, and then got some more when Scootaloo ate hers.”

“I was hungry,” said a small voice from outside of the crowded pavilion.

“The Princesses are all set, the groomstallions are all ready, except my big brother has a feather stuck behind his ear. Graphite,” qualified Frost. “He’s a ditz. Just ignore him. Spike, do you have the rings?”

“I do,” declared the little dragon, holding them out for inspection.

“And check,” said the young unicorn filly, marking off the last box on her sheet and earning her a special place in Twilight Sparkle’s Hearth Warming Present list. “Let’s hurry up and get you two married so we can eat. Most of the wedding cake and snacks got pretty much munged, but everypony who has shown up so far seems to be bringing food. I think you’ve created the first Royal Potluck Wedding.”

“Twilight’s old school friends are singing for the processional, so it’s only a matter of time now.” Graphite patted his brother on the back. “Dearly beloved, we are here to bury the independence and free will of this poor stallion, and chain him to a despotic overlord alicorn who will rule over him with an iron hoof.”

“Iron hoof!” echoed from somewhere on the other side of the privacy curtain.

“Am I going to get to to use the same line when you get hitched, big bro?” Green Grass plucked the dark feather out of his brother’s silver mane and tucked it into his breast pocket, buttoning down the flap for insurance. “I hear Princess Luna will be traveling with the griffon emperor back to Manehattan so he can show off his fancy flying machine. Are you going with them?”

“It’s only appropriate to take along a translator when dealing with another culture,” said Graphite in a solemn tone belayed by his mischievous grin. “The guest quarters on his flagship are supposed to be opulent beyond words. And soundproofed.”

“Word to the wise, bro.” Green Grass took a quick peek out of the crack in the privacy curtain to make sure his cue had not happened yet. He was fairly sure the wedding would not go on without him, but there were still doubts. “Make sure she’s taking the right dose of her medicine. I have a theory that transitioning from a high-stress to a low-stress environment triggers ovulation in powerful unicorns, and possibly alicorns.”

“Very funny, bro. I had better—”

There was a sharp pop of purple alicorn magic and Twilight Sparkle appeared between the two brothers. Her puckered lips almost met Graphite by mistake before she redirected the kiss to her future husband instead. “We have one minute,” she gasped. “The last private minute we’ll have for five hours and sixteen minutes. Just a second.”

Graphite flickered away in a pop of purple magic and a quiet “Hey!” from outside of the curtain.

“Last Groomstallion?” she asked, punctuating it with a quick kiss.

“Asclepius, Rarity’s coltfriend,” said Green Grass. “He’s a pegamedic so he’ll be able to help if/when I faint. Sonic Rainboom?”

“Rainbow Dash has been ready for days. How about Discord?” asked Twilight with a second quick kiss.

“Behaving remarkably well,” responded Green Grass once they broke for air.

“Feeling a little squished,” said Green Grass’ flattened boutineer.

To Twilight Sparkle’s credit, she gave her groom’s flower a quick glance and a kiss of its own, although there may have been a slightly-vengeful nip included from the startled yelp that followed.

“Any sign of Queen Chrysalis’s changelings?”

“Only two, and Operation Piña Colada should keep them busy after the wedding.”

“Other extradimensional or chronologically displaced guests?”

“Seated in the third row where they won’t be photographed and cause temporal anomalies,” said Green Grass with a quick kiss. “Two of them called me ‘Gramps’ I’ll have you know. Oh, just a sec.”

Green Grass stuck his nose next to a nearby spray of flowers that climbed up the side of the privacy curtain support. “How are all of you doing in there? Can you see the wedding OK?”

“Takk. Vi har det bra. OK.”

“All guests accounted for, large and small,” said Green Grass with a quick kiss to the nose for Twilight.

“Blueblood?”

“Being distracted by Princess Sophia.” He gave Twilight another quick kiss. “Time! I love you!”

“Love you too.” She gave him one last kiss and a wink. “See you in a minute.”

A pop of alicorn magic later, and Green Grass was alone again.

Well, almost.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” said his boutineer. “Just to be prepared for any event, that is. I know this is probably getting ahead of where we are in our friendship, but would you and Twilight be available to foalsit sometime in the future?”

One at a time, her friends had left the pavilion, strolled down the aisle to their matching Groomstallion, then proceeded on their long walk through the remaining crowd and up to the highest point in the castle yard. There, the two princesses waited patiently under the rays of the setting sun to join her and Greenie in wedding vows.

She had never in her life wished more to be standing with Green Grass in Las Pegasus in front of an elderly elk in a white jumpsuit.

“Nervous, honey?” Night Light patted his daughter on the sleeve of her billowing fireproof wedding gown just above one of the perforations that would allow it to be turned into convenient-sized bandages in case of dragon attack.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Twilight as the last few notes of the harp died away and a polite applause rose around them. The quartet had just finished, which meant that the next pony down the aisle would be her, and Twilight Sparkle was really hoping to hear the bellowing roar of an attacking dragon instead of the quiet chirps of Fluttershy’s bird choir getting ready. “I’m sorry for getting pregnant before my wedding, and for not telling you and mom about Green Grass when I first noticed he was carrying around that ring so you could get Uncle Shining Sword to bring the family—”

“Twily. Relax.” Night Light smiled the kind of proud smile that only the father of the most spectacular daughter in Equestria had a chance of pulling off. It looked suspiciously like the grin that Green Grass frequently directed at her too. “The magic happens in your heart. The rest is just steps, words, and actions. Take them one at a time, just like you practiced. Just like the first steps you took at a foal. Well, maybe not. You took two steps and fell nose-first into a book. I don’t know why I remember that now. You’re all grown up.” He sniffed and wiped his eyes with a tissue instead of the kerchief folded and pressed in (and possibly sewn into) his breast pocket.

Twilight rustled her wings and took a deep breath. “No matter how much I change, I’ll always be your daughter.”

“I know.” The opening notes of the wedding processional sounded and Night Light composed his features into a semblance of order. “You’re my precious little daughter, taking on Equestria horn-first. Nothing is too big for you to tackle with the help of your friends. Now let’s go.” A quiet rumbling sounded inside the pavilion and he rubbed his stomach. “I want a good spot at the buffet.”

One at a time, Twilight’s friends had come down the aisle, paired off with their groomstallions, and ascended up the ramp to what Green Grass could not help but think of as the stage where the main event was about to happen. The Cutie Mark Crusaders (plus one) had managed their blossom scattering path without major bloodshed first, of course, stopping in front of the two princesses where Apple Bloom had announced in a loud voice, “Which way do we go again, Princess Luna?” The rest of the more adult members of the wedding party had been much more subdued, with Frost and Spike both blushing brilliantly during their walk as more than a few ‘Dawww’s’ drifted up from the attentive crowd.

They really do make a cute couple.

“Nervous?” asked Shining Armor out of the side of his mouth without moving his lips as they watched Cadence proceed slowly and majestically down the aisle towards them. She was the last and tallest bridlemaid, leaving only one mare still in the pavilion.

“Terribly,” admitted Green Grass in much the same fashion.

“Wait about a minute,” whispered Shining Armor. “It will all go away, and you’ll be fine. Just wait.”

And then Shining Armor was gone, stepping forward to escort his own alicorn bride up to the tallest point in the yard where all of their friends were waiting for two last ponies. His nerves could have been used as harp strings as Lyra and the rest of the musical group finished their processional song, but fortunately the only muscle movements Green Grass needed to do was respiration and… there was something else, but he could not remember what. He was frozen in place with the entire rest of the wedding audience while the setting sun painted reds and golds across the entire castle yard with a cosmic paintbrush that would have bankrupted even their hefty budget.

Fluttershy led her brightly-colored birds into the wedding march, with trills and chirps that could be heard all around the perfect silence of the outdoor theatre. Eyes closed, mane flowing in the breeze with the conductor’s baton in her teeth, the yellow pegasus fairly glowed with life in the setting rays of sunlight as she bobbed her head along with the music.

…and Princess Twilight Sparkle stepped out of the pavilion.

It was the exact moment that Shining Armor had mentioned. The paralysis that had gripped him faded away as if it had been blown away by the breeze. At that moment, he could have been stark naked, painted in ice cream and doing a Morris dance and nopony would have noticed. He knew the rest of the attendees were still there, as well as Night Light striding along slowly at her side, but all he could see was the backs of heads. He stole a look at Shining Armor, who was concealing a sly grin, and then turned back to stare at the beautiful alicorn that everypony was there to see.

It was wonderful. And he couldn’t remember a single line he was supposed to say.

One slow step at a time, Princess Twilight Sparkle proceeded down the aisle. It was the most magnificent feeling she had ever had in her life, made even more special by the faint flutter she could feel in her tummy. It could have just been butterflies, but she preferred to think of it as the foal’s first laugh of joy, with many more to come. She relished every single moment, every step, every smile from the crowd with the knowledge that she would have these memories for the rest of her long life. Her friends all beamed down at her from the wedding platform, just as she had imagined it for so long. Even Green Grass looked better than she expected, with his blue eyes sparkling in the colorful light of the sunset and a blissful smile on his face.

I wonder what he’s thinking?

She’s so pretty. I wonder who she’s marrying? Oh, right.

It only took three steps to take Night Light’s place at Twilight’s side, but it was an effort that nearly wound up with him sprawled out on the ground as the part of his brain responsible for coordinating the motions of four hooves over those three steps tried to divide three into four and came up with an irrational number or possibly infinity.

Fortunately, both the bride and his father-in-law were unicorns, and caught him before he had barely stumbled. “I did that too,” whispered Night Light as he passed his daughter over to the scroungy green schoolteacher who had blundered by fortunate happenstance into wooing and wedding a princess.

“Mom said it was because you were tied up,” Twilight whispered back.

There was a vague sense of motion as the two princesses got larger. It was probably due to him walking in their direction, but he was not sure. The only thing he was sure of was the warmth at his side, which went away as they took their places on the little color-coded hoofprints on the stage. He gazed into her violet eyes with an attempt to at least look royal and thoughtful and husband-like and possibly intelligent or at least sapient, but eventually settled for just concentrating on his breathing and keeping enough of a smile on to look like he was enjoying the experience but not enough to be hauled away to the asylum.

Words went by. Some of them sounded vaguely familiar. At some point, the moon rose up into the sky to cast a sheen of silver across the entire assembly along with the vibrant colors of the sunset. It was breathtakingly beautiful, and drew astonished gasps from the crowd, but he only spared it a glance before returning his attention to his wife-to-be.

He still could not think of a single word he was supposed to say. Listening to Twilight recite her portion of the vows did not spark any flares of memory about his, much as if he were trying to set fire to a soggy bowl of cornflakes.

Then she reached the end of her section and turned to him.

The memorized words flowed out of Twilight’s mouth without the visceral thrill she had expected. Weeks worth of hard work had gone into every single syllable, every phrase, every heartfelt pause, but there was still something missing. There was a drop of moisture hesitating at each corner of Celestia’s violet eyes, matched by Luna’s expression that even included the tiniest of quivers around the corner of her lips and one surreptitious glance over at the groomstallions as if she were checking on the details for a ceremony of her own sometime in the future. As the last words tumbled from her lips, she could not help but look at Green Grass and his slightly glazed expression, as if he had been following along and was wanting to offer additional pointers in how she could improve her delivery.

Then she was out of words, and it was his turn.

It’s my turn! I don’t remember anything! Who am I?

Green Grass swallowed, because that was something you did before you spoke.

Then he took a deep breath, primarily because otherwise he was going to fall over, but also serving the secondary purpose of driving his speech. Whatever it was.

And as the breath came back out, he started to speak.

It’s not the speech we practiced! It’s… better.

He talked of ponies, of the little unicorns he taught their first magic to, and of all of their friends. Young ponies out to grasp the day and squeeze every bit of happiness out of it before sleeping through the night and going out to do it again the next day. Older ponies who helped their younger kind with the troubles of youth and their quest to find their special talent. Parents who loved their children and wanted only the best for them, even though the children might disagree with their methods. Grandparents who saw in their grandfoals the past and their own joyous days and nights with their friends, long gone.

And he spoke of her friends. How they welcomed him when he first came to Ponyville, how they extended their hearts without reservation. How they met Twilight and Spike on their first day in town and forged an unbreakable bond on that first long night, and for every day and night since, from student to princess and soon to be mother.

All five of her friends blushed individually as he pointed them out and told of their support. How they all wanted only what was best for their friend. How they stood by both of them as he was dumped into fountains and galloped through fallen leaves, and how they stood by the both of them now.

Then he talked about her. There were still a few phrases in his speech that had been in the prepared remarks, but her ears burned bright red with embarrassment, and she never would have allowed a small fraction of what he said. She was not nearly that wonderful, or as kind, or caring, or any of the other platitudes he was heaping up, and the way her friends were grinning as he continued to talk only made things worse.

Finally, after far too long, he slowed to a halt with one last phrase.

“I shall love you with all of my life, my breath, and my soul, forever.”

Whatever I said must have been good.

The faint noise of sniffing and the occasional blowing nose mixed with the rustling of restless guests in the long silence after his speech. With a golden glow of magic, the sun slipped below the horizon to leave only the moon bathing the ceremony in its silver light.

There were more words. Not his, thankfully.

There was suppressed sniffling as the princesses in his immediate vicinity all fought the urge to give a good unprincesslike nose-blow.

There was giggling, as Pinkie Pie did. Although she did apologize after her tuba-like honk.

There were rings. He could remember the rings.

There was even a moment where Luna extracted the thin golden coronet out from under his hat and made a short speech. Shining Armor was holding his hat. He did not remember giving it to him, but he must have. Shining Armor’s own thin coronet was tucked over the outside of his mane for a change, looking a little like a mare’s manebow. It was no wonder he kept it tucked underneath when he wore it at all. The thin golden coronet of his own that he had spent so much time and effort picking out seemed almost weightless when Luna placed it on his head, but the weight was all in responsibilities, far, far more responsibility than he had ever tried to duck before. It made his mind fracture into little slivers, each running around in small circles while screaming but somehow keeping his knees locked and breathing. Breathing was good. Breathing was important for some reason. Breathe. Breathe.

Twilight Sparkle tried not to smile too much while Luna gave a short and she suspected somewhat truncated speech about Green Grass’ new responsibilities as a Prince. Greenie was being so calm and controlled about the whole experience, which calmed her own nervous excitement and made her able to enjoy her special day instead of just locking up and becoming a basket case of nerves. She was only sad that the wedding was almost over. In just a few seconds, they would share their first kiss as husband and wife, and despite several snide comments from her friends, Equestria would not instantly open up and swallow them whole or be destroyed in a swarm of fiery meteors. Probably. Instead, they would face new challenges, together with her friends.

She could hardly wait.

How many years will this take? Wait. Princess Celestia said something. It was important. It was something I’ve been waiting for. What was it?!

“You may kiss the bride.”

Oh, right.

He leaned forward.

She leaned forward.

And they kissed.

Equestria did not open up and swallow them into the bottomless depths. A swarm of fiery meteors did not sweep across the land. Taxes remained stable. It was not all a dream.

There was a Sonic Rainboom, of course.

And once they had finished, and they saw that the world was still intact…

They kissed again.