//------------------------------// // 14 - A Voice From the Darkness // Story: Lateral Movement // by Alzrius //------------------------------// Lex had no idea how long he’d been standing there. Some part of him realized that it must have been quite some time. His legs ached, and his stomach hurt in a way that let him know he hadn’t eaten in too long. But he didn’t move. He couldn’t. If he moved, even a little, then it would be real. No, not real, but…over. Moving would mean that it was done. It would mean that the situation was no longer extant, that it had concluded, leaving him with no opportunity of stopping it before it entered the immutable realm of the past. So long as he stayed right there, it was something that was still happening, not something that had happened, and that meant that the opportunity to fix it wasn’t lost. He just had to not move, to hold still and think of a solution and surely he’d be able to make her see- A snapping sound came from behind him, and Lex spun around, desperate hope surging through him. Maybe she had circled around him for some reason. Maybe she had gotten lost and was approaching from the opposite direction, and then…and then… The squirrel that had dislodged the fallen branch scampered away, frightened off by Lex’s sudden motion. His breathing becoming ragged in growing tension, Lex turned back around. That didn’t count, it didn’t affect his unwillingness to let the situation expire. He just had to resume his position from before. He just had to get back into position, right…right here… No, wait, the view was slightly off. Had he moved off-center when he’d spun around? Or…or had the sun moved enough to make the shadows from the leaves fall differently? Making a minute adjustment to recapture his original standing, and then another, and then another, Lex tried to push away the thoughts that were more and more intruding on his concentration, the growing awareness of the utter futility of what he was doing. He moved again, and suddenly went tumbling to the ground, tripping over his own hooves. It wasn’t much of a fall; even a foal would have bounced right back up from it without a bruise. But Lex felt something inside of him break as he hit the ground, and he suddenly found himself pressing his hooves against his mouth as a horrible sound tried to escape from his throat. It had ended, the situation that he’d tried so hard to keep from ending. Or rather, it had ended a while ago, and what had just finished was his illusion that there was anything he could do about it. All there was was the horrible, inescapable truth of what had happened. It ran through his mind again and again and again, raw and agonizing and defeating his every effort at rationalizing it or distancing himself from it or any other way of making it even slightly more bearable. Sonata was gone. Once she’d backed far enough away from Lex that she couldn’t see him anymore, Sonata turned her attention to Fireflower. “C’mon, we need to get back to the train tracks.” She got a shaky nod in response, and they slowly made their way back, Fireflower leaning on Sonata for support. It was only after they’d reached their destination that she paused, glancing back at the woods. Lex didn’t seem to be following them, and Sonata was surprised that she had mixed feelings about that. She’d half-expected him to rush after her, either spewing threats and mean things or shouting an apology and trying to convince her not to go. To just let them go without saying a word like that wasn’t like him. But then again, after what he’d tried to do to Fireflower, she wasn’t sure she really knew what Lex was like anyway. After all, she’d never thought he would do something like that. He’d always been quick to get angry when something didn’t meet with his approval, but to try and do such an awful thing and then not even be sorry about it…it sent chills down her spine just thinking about it. “I…I, um…” Fireflower’s stuttering drew her from her reverie, and she turned to look at him. What she saw made her heart ache. He had been shaking the entire way back, but putting some distance between themselves and Lex hadn’t calmed him down any; if anything, he seemed to be worse now, trembling all over. “Hey, it’s okay now. He’s gone, and you’re going to be alright. I promise.” She put a hoof on his shoulder, and that was all it took. Fireflower gave a strangled, inarticulate cry and threw his forelegs around her, burying his face in her neck as he began to sob. She gently hugged him back, feeling her own eyes start watering as she quietly made soothing noises. How could anypony ever want to hurt such a sweetie? “I was so scared…!” Fireflower hiccupped. He didn’t just mean Lex’s unexpected attempt on his life. Rather, his cries were in response to everything he had gone through over the last few days. Before this, his entire life had been one of quiet camaraderie with his siblings in their forest, practicing his magic. Then, all at once, he’d lost his home, been attacked by a deadly monster, seen it kill his little sister, wandered through the wilderness alone, and then almost been killed by some horrible stallion…twice! “I wanna go home…I wanna go home…I wanna go home.” He repeated it over and over as his tears flowed, wishing with all of his heart that whatever had dragged him there would reverse itself and that, when he opened his eyes again, this nightmare would be over and he’d be back in his forest with his family. But when he finally opened them again, he was still there. Rocking Fireflower slightly, Sonata waited until the last of his sobs had stopped before gently rubbing his back. “Feel better?” “Yeah,” he sniffled. “No. I don’t know.” “Just let me know if you’re gonna throw up, okay? I’m totes gonna shove you away if you are.” She smiled as that got a laugh out of him, which seemed to waver back and forth between laughing and crying for a minute before he seemed to settle on the former. Sniffling, he pulled away from her, taking a step back as he rubbed his eyes. “I’m okay…” She gave him an encouraging smile, and nodded her head back down the track in the direction that she and Lex had originally come from. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here.” Lex had dully dismissed the extradimensional space he’d created the night before, stuffing the limp length of rope back into his haversack before he’d donned it and trudged back to the railroad tracks. He’d glanced in each direction, both hoping and fearing that he’d see Sonata, but the path had been clear in both directions, the tracks stretching out for what seemed like a long way before their gentle curve through the forest cut off his line of sight in each direction. Slowly, mechanically, Lex turned in the direction of Tall Tale and started walking. Vaguely wondering how much time he had wasted by trying to deny the undeniable, Lex glanced up, noting that the sun was directly overhead. That made sense, since his cursed shadow never fell in the proper direction, and now it was stretched out ahead of him, as though determined to darken each step before he took it. Not that it mattered, of course. Even if it had been directly beneath him or stretched behind him or if he’d closed his eyes, it wouldn’t have made any difference. Nothing could stop its insidious telepathic whispers. Worse, the detestable thing was more active now than it had ever been, flooding Lex’s mind with its endless diatribe of cutting remarks and vicious scorn. Usually, if he refused to engage with it, it would quiet down in short order, but now…now it unrelenting. Less than a week, that’s how long it took for you to destroy her feelings for you, it voicelessly spat. Just a few days ago, she was offering you her love, her companionship, and now she can’t bear to even be in your presence. Lex endured the remarks in stony silence, not because he hoped that would eventually erode the thing’s appetite for his misery, but because he had no answer to give even had he wanted to. The thing was an independent manifestation of his own fears and self-doubts. It always knew just where to direct its barbs to cause the most pain. She would have followed you anywhere, and now the only place she wants to be is away from you. Did you really think that it could have turned out otherwise? Even back when you were interested in trying to make friends, this was always the end result. Why should she be any different? She had been different because she had been different. That had been obvious from the beginning, when she’d approached him and had refused to let whatever it was about him that repulsed everypony else do the same to her. It vaguely occurred to him that he’d never asked her what it was about him that had attracted her in the first place. Maybe if he had, he’d have been able to do things differently… It wouldn’t have mattered. You’re not capable of sustaining a relationship. That’s why you’re worthless. You claim that you want to use your magic and your intellect to help others, but you’re so noxious, so horrible to be around that others don’t want anything to do with you. They don’t want to hear your ideas, they don’t want to listen to your plans, and if you can’t even make a practical difference to those around you then what good are you? And so it went. Hours passed as the malicious, one-sided dialogue pierced his heart over and over. Nevertheless, Lex didn’t stop walking. He had to get to Tall Tale. They were in danger, and that meant that he was obligated to do what he could to help them. That sense of moral duty, that code of ethics that unambiguously and unfailingly determined whether an action was right or wrong, was absolute. Keeping it inviolate had cost him everything, but at least he knew what he needed to do. At some point the sun set, but Lex continued walking, idly calling on Sombra’s magic to enhance his sight after the last of the daylight faded. More hours passed, and he dimly realized that he was famished, but he ignored the sensation, knowing that with his stomach as knotted as it was he wouldn’t have been able to keep anything down anyway. It was cold, but that was fine; the chill would prevent him from falling asleep, and he didn’t dare fall asleep. But you will at some point, and then it will be so much worse… Lex knew it wasn’t a threat, but a promise. For all that he hated how his shadow would torment him at odd intervals during the day, it was nothing compared to the unceasing nightmares that it caused him each night. The thing had little more substance in his dreams than it did in the real world, but it had total control over their content, and always used that control to replay scenes of his past failures and humiliations, or to enact things that Lex feared would come to pass. But he would bear it, the same way he had borne every hardship that he’d endured up until now. There was no other acceptable choice. Silently repeating that last thought to himself, Lex rounded a bend and several lights entered his field of vision from up ahead. Not many, but enough for him to realize that they were coming from buildings. He had arrived at Tall Tale at last. The fire crackled warmly, keeping the chill at bay as Sonata settled down for the night, watching Fireflower poke the flames with a stick, coaxing them to blaze higher. Sleeping outside wasn’t as comfy as an extradimensional room, but it had a lot more charm to it. “That should stay going for a little while,” announced Fireflower, stepping back before laying down. “So long as it doesn’t rain, we should be okay.” Sonata shook her head. “Nah, I haven’t seen any pegasi around, so I don’t think that they’re gonna come along in the middle of the night just to drop a downpour on us.” Fireflower made a curious noise, but didn’t follow up on it. He’d heard that the ponies on Everglow could control the weather, and it seemed like it was the same here, but he’d never seen it himself. To him, wind and rain and other weather were just things that happened. “We’ll, like, try looking for some food in the morning, but we should be able to get back to Pineville pretty soon if we keep up a good pace tomorrow, I think,” Sonata continued. In fact, she wasn’t sure about that, but it sounded right. The train she and Lex had been on had left Pineville at noonish, and they were supposed to get to Tall Tale the following morning, so she felt like she should have been able to do the math and figure out the distance, but it was all so confusing! Plus, hadn’t there been something about the train going slower overnight? Shaking her head to clear it, she noticed that Fireflower was still looking at her, and she smiled at him reassuringly. Poor little guy was like a lost puppy. It wouldn’t do to worry him over little details like that. “Don’t you worry, you’ll see that most of the ponies here are super nice.” He nodded, but didn’t look entirely convinced. She decided not to push it, since he’d find out for himself anyway. Yawning, she laid her head down. “Goodnight.” “Goodnight Sonata,” he replied. “And…thank you.” She smiled at him one more time before closing her eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. Sonata wandered through the forest, trying to find a way out. She knew she was running, that she had to get out of here, but she didn’t feel afraid. Instead she felt…anxious, like she had lost something and couldn’t even get to where she’d lost it to search for it. If she could just get out of here and back there! “…ta…” It was just one faint syllable, but Sonata knew it was her name. They were so far away! She had to get to them! “I’m here!” she cried out, turning every which way. “Please find me!” “S…a” The voice floated through the landscape again, as soft as a breeze, and Sonata knew that they wouldn’t find her. The only way was if she found them. She had to, she just had to! They were the only one who could help! But how? “Where are you? Please! I need you! I need your help so much!” This time only silence answered her, and Sonata felt a wave of anxiety crash over her. She knew that if she didn’t find them soon, she wouldn’t be able to at all. The thought of that made her want to cry. She ran, even though she didn’t know what direction she was running. Trees passed her in a blur, but she could tell she wasn’t getting any closer. No no no! “Help me! Kara!” As soon as the name left her lips, Sonata felt the ground underneath her hooves give way, and she went tumbling down a steep ravine, one that led into a cave. Although it leveled off once she was passed the mouth of it, she kept falling forward…or maybe the cave was moving around her. Either way, there was a definite sensation of traveling a great distance, even as she kept twisting, unable to right herself. There were many voices now, but none of them were calling her. Instead, they were raised in cries, moaning and shrieking, though she couldn’t tell if they were of pain or pleasure. Then, as suddenly as the odd journey began, it was over, and her hooves were back under her as she stumbled into a room. Standing in the center was a pony that Sonata was very familiar with. An alicorn, she stood roughly twice as high as Sonata, her horn the same dark purple as her coat. Her wings were similarly colored, but the feathers lightened near their ends, with the tips being the same pure white as her mane and tail. Flowers were woven into both, and an emerald amulet hung around her neck. “Hello Sonata,” smiled Kara, Everglow’s goddess of love. “You’re looking a little lost again.”