//------------------------------// // Another 1st person Chapter // Story: Deadpool in Equestria // by MrAquino //------------------------------// ...MrAquino!? MrAquino!?!?!? Mr- What the-!? This is where you've been this whole time!? Shut up... playing. You've been gone for three days! You've been here playing Fallout 4!? Shut up... so... awesome!!! And you're still on the character customization!? Need... perfect... couple. ... Ya'll Mutha f**kas need to get a life! Have Life... Half life... Half life 3... probably confirmed. Yeah. Listen, why don't you go and meet Twilight Sparkle? ...Why? Nothing... except she may move on to some other stallion. ...Play this game! Blue Skidoo, we can too! Sweet! Time to play as the ugliest people!!! I woke up again in Equestria, but instead of the warm sun on my back or face, I felt the winds and snow of winter hitting me. Not going to lie, I was freezing; Were it not for my fur, I would've just said 'F**k this!' I got up on all fours again and looked around; many of the trees were now bare, give or take a few leaves, as some of the puddles were now ice and the pegasi were making it snow from the clouds above. I looked ahead, seeing many earth ponies doing their part to make it winter... then saw Deadpool with a flamethrower, burning the snow. "DIE WINTER, DIE!!!" He yelled "YA'LL AIN'T CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!!! THIS IS A PAGAN HOLIDAY, AND JESUS HATES YA'LL FOR CELEBRATING THIS!!! SANTA HATES POOR KIDS!!! YOU TREAT THANKSGIVING AS AN ABUSED REDHEAD STEPCHILD!!! YA'LL AIN'T GONNA GET 'YER DEALS ON BLACK FRIDAY THIS YEAR!!! WINTER AIN'T COMING THIS YEAR!!! EVERY STARK WILL DIE!!!" He ran and continued melting the snow to continue fall. "...I really need to start that holiday special." I muttered to myself. I flapped my wings and headed towards Twilight's castle. If thre's one thing I know I suck at, it's trying to be calm around women; I'm neither the 'James Bond' type of womanizer, nor am I those guys who have so much 'swag' that they can be a total d**k to any women and get away with it. After a while of flying, and hiding from some ponies who recognized me, I landed right in front of Twilight's castle. I hesitated before knocking on her castle's door. What if she did move on? I thought to myself What if I've been gone so long, she now has another stallion with her!? What if it's-? Oh Celestia no! I knocked on her door. Please don't be with her! PLEASE!!! The door opened and Spike stood there. We stared at each other awkwardly. I guess we were both waiting for each other to make the first move. "...May I help you?" He asked "Is... Is Twilight home?" "She is, along with her friends." "Can... Can I meet her?" "Sure. I do have a question though." "Ask away." "How was it like kissing her?" I froze and stared for a bit. "Uh... to get something similar, don't eat gems for a week or two, then you'll know what it's like." "Huh. Guess I'll try it then." Spike lead me to the throne room with the map in the middle. All of the Mane 6 was there, and... oh sweet jesus... wings... don't! *POMF!!!* "DAMMIT!!!" My yelling got the attention from all the mares. Twilight gasped at my sight. "You're back!" She cheered, running to me. She tackled me to the floor; I landed on my back and she was on top with a near seductive look on her face. I'm just glad the animators didn't add any dingalings to the show. "So~ where have you been all this time?" Don't say anything stupid! "...I like boobies!" You suck. "Ooh! I didn't know you studied birds." Nevermind! "Uh... yeah. I do... occasionally." "So what brings you back?" "... Just... checking up. Need to see what you've been doing." "Along with Deadpool?" "Ugh, don't remind me. I just saw him burning the snow away to keep it summer, or at least, fall." "Damn straight!" Deadpool's voice spoke. Dora the Explorer's 'I'm the map' played as Deadpool appeared on the table, dancing the very stupid Drake dance moves from 'Hotline Bling', but also had some of the finest women from X-men: Mystique Jean Grey X23 Domino Psylocke Selena Emma Frost Copy Cat (Who I just realize it's Vanessa!) And Lady Death "Like all of these Mutant Girls!?" Deadpool asked us. "Who are these ladies?" Rainbow Dash asked "And how do you know them?" Applejack asked "Cause I'm a pimp!" Deadpool answered. "No you aren't." Emma commented "But where did they get their costumes?" Rarity asked "I simply need them for my newest designs!" "Or just go naked like Mystique here." Deadpool replied, squeezing Mystique's boobs. She slapped him across the face, turning to me. "Women, am I right!?" I shrugged. "To you, I guess." I replied "But I'd rather stick to one woman, even if she is a mare." At that moment, Twilight nuzzled me. "Aw, that's so sweet." She commented "Shut up!!!" I yelled. "So is she your Bae?" Deadpool asked. Ugh...That word "... What's wrong with Girlfriend? Or Marefriend?" "Too long! Needs to be shorter!" "Hey!" Twilight yelled "If you're going to invent a new word, it has to make sense." "Oh sure! Tell that to the people in social media who keep using hashtags!" "...Hashtags?" "THEY'RE CYBER WAFFLES!!! And they're used for everything nowadays!!!" "...Are you sure?" "Eeyup!" "Well is there on of you?" "Oh great." I commented as music played from the most sexist & Misogynistic song to be played on the radio that women sang to, 'Blurred lines'. The place became a white background with '#Deadpool', large, bold, and red. "Chimichanga! What up? Chimichanga! What up?" "♫ Hey, hey, hey.♫ " I sang along, though bored. When you're with his clone, forced to sing all the time, you get bored and lose the 'umph!' of singing. "♫Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫See I can heal, what I'm trying to say Is that I can't die, hello my name is Wade. Deathstroke but redesigned. Epic, awesome combined. Two minds inside one mind. Two guns, a double dose. I will annihilate you. I got a video game, it's rated M for mature. Domino? Yeah, we've dated.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Wolverine? Not related.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Movie? Anticipated. That's why they call me Deadpool!♫" "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" "♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I love them dollar signs.♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me. Logan has those dream for When he thinks of Jean, oh! We should make a team cause We can't die! High-five and embrace! Guns in my storage.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫You want an orange?♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "What rhymes with orange?" "...Nothing." "Oh. ♫Two guns, a double dose. I will annihilate you I got a video game, it's rated M for mature Rob Liefeld drew me.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Fave scribe? Joe Kelly.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey" "♫Now it's Brian & Gerry.♫" "♫Hey, hey, hey♫" "♫Powers combined to make me Deadpool♫" "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" ♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I love them dollar signs.♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me.♫ One thing I ask of you, Let me be the one that you give your cash to. Was an X-Men once, then got the boot. Then I joined X-Force and fought with these two. Killed a bunch of people as we passed through. Swords and claws are just enough to tear your ass in two. I do things with no thought or rationale. It's 'cause I can't die! Neither can my pal. 100 years later, ain't still not dead. Can't even die if you chop off my head. Nothin' like that Slade guy, he's too serious. Deadpool's the best merc, girl's can't resist. So I, just watch and wait, While I eat tacos and gain some weight. Not many X-Men can refuse this pimpin' I'm a nice guy sometimes but I might punch your face in. Shake it girls! Get down! Get up! Watch the girls all flirt! Kane is gonna squirt! Now Kane's getting hurt." "♫Oh god!!!♫ ♫Dancin' a funky beat, Phoenix, Psylocke and Emma. Domino, X-23, Rogue, Mytique, Selena. No more pretending.♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Copies still printing.♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Comic sales? WINNING!♫ ♫Hey, hey, hey♫ ♫Remember the name because it's Deadpool♫ "♫You guys can't kill him. You guys can't kill him You guys can't kill him♫" "♫Cause I'm Deadpool. Crazy fightin' tactics. My guns ain't plastic. Gettin' sliced, get blasted. I break that fourth wall!♫" "♫Killin' for money Killin' for money Killin' for money♫" "♫But them mutant girls! The way you grab me. And then you stab me. Go ahead, get at me.♫ Chimichanga! What up? Chimichanga! What up?" If any of you saw the video of what happened, then you knew what happened. If not... let's just say that right now, I'm not even sure how Deadpool lives with himself. Twilight stared with her mouth wide open as I came back, shivering uncontrollably with random goats around me. "What happened!?" she asked "...You don't wanna know." I answered "I... I wanna go home now." "I'll take you, then." She stood next to me and helped me walk. "Aw, so many goats!" Fluttershy squeed, hugging one close to her. "I call this one 'Horny'!" Deadpool added, picking up another goat. "Horns!" Pinkie added with a snort-laugh mix. To make this short, I got another kiss from Twilight, and wished her good luck. Oh god, what happened here!? ...Fallout 4!