//------------------------------// // The Writing on the Wall (of Shame) // Story: The Adventures of Schadenfreude // by Daemon McRae //------------------------------// Chapter 7: The Writing on the Wall (of Shame) I shouldn’t be surprised that one of these days I’d accidentally stumble across a line I wasn’t aware of. There are thousands of ponies who have that one little thing, that one tick that just sets them apart, sets them off, but they’re so convinced that their little tick is so weird, so unconventional, that they’ll never actually tell anypony what it is. But I make it such a point in my life to absolutely irk the ponies around me that sometimes, not often, but sometimes, I find those irks on accident. Apparently Princess Twilight’s happens to be finding her porn stash. So come on, tell me how I could have seen that one coming. Ok, I say finding, but what I really mean is reading it aloud at the corner table with a cup of Jasmine tea. But I mean, quietly aloud. It is a library, after all. Now, I’d narrate the events leading up to me running for my life down the halls of the Royal Castle, but you can pretty much surmise what went down from there. Fast-forwarding past the running and girly screams (from both parties, I will admit), I found myself tapped at the end of a rather long corridor. It was an exciting turn of events, but despite my cardio, I am not equipped to outrun, outmaneuver, or outthink an alicorn princess. “Schaden!” Twilight shrieked, as I stood still at the end of the hall. I thought about cowering into the corner for effect, but I was afraid it might look a bit too real. And I have at least some kind of image to maintain. That and part of me was mildly excited at seeing Twilight this angry. Alright, fine, I may have more than one reason for being a total troll. Angry mares are a weakness of mine. But another time. “Eyyyyyyeeeeeesssss?” I said as mock-innocently as I could. “What is the MATTER with you?! What if somepony had heard you?!” the Princess yelled. “Then they’d probably have an erection. I like to think my reading voice is a rather dulcet tone.” Watching a face normally awash with a somehow bookish shade of purple darken a few shades of red is the kind of artistic transition I, to my great shame, lack the formal education to describe. I believe the technical term is “hilarious.” She stuttered for a few seconds, then eventually blurted out, “What if a foal had heard you?” I had the gall (yes, even I recognize the limits of my own audacity sometimes), to look aghast. “Why, Princess! You employ foals here?!” Yet more stuttering and half-words. In the meantime, the other three princesses caught up. Cadence, having already been witness to most of the story thus far, let the other two speak first. Celestia took a step forward. “What exactly is the problem here?” I look over Twilight’s shoulder. “Your protégé seems… I think the word is ‘triggered?’” Before she could ask me to explain, Cadence took a moment to fill her in. “Twilight had hid some… mature reading material for me in the Royal Canterlot Archives, and Schaden found them. Then started reading them aloud with a cup of tea. Twilight threatened him, they talked, Twilight got mad, chased him here.” Luna raised an eyebrow. “I have noticed Twilight’s penchant to get emotional when it comes to the subject of adult books.” Before I could stop myself, it slipped out, “Yeah, writers are easily embarrassed by their own works. Part of that ‘You’re your own worst critic thing, I guess?” The silence was palpable. It took me a second to realize that, not only did none of the other Princesses know that Twilight was a smut writer, but at some point they’d all read her stuff. The first pony to speak was Luna, which surprised me a bit. “Well, that seems reasonable.” I almost died laughing. I fell over on the carpet, just howling at myself in hysterics. I could only imagine what looks I was getting, as I couldn’t see them through the happy tears. When I finally stood up, the first thing I heard was, “What the hell is so funny?” I barely managed to choke out my answer through smaller after-laughs. “Your sister’s protégé-slash-fellow princess-slash-friend is a porn writer that you’ve been reading for goddess knows how long for goddess knows what reasons, who’s chased your cousin’s butler through several hundred yards of Royal Hallways for reading said smut out loud with the intent of harming him bodily, and this is ‘reasonable’ to you?” “…Yes?” This time I wasn’t the only one laughing. --------------------------------------- After we had all recovered from the absurdity of the whole scenario, and sat around at a nearby meeting room for a small snack, the conversation was much more amicable. “So, seriously, why didn’t you tell us?” Cadence asked. Twilight hid a much lighter blush and smile behind a cup of coffee. “Well, I thought you’d make fun of me,” she said, with a pointed glance in my direction. The other princesses stared with her. “Ok, not that I don’t deserve that, but to be fair, I try not to openly mock people for things that make them happy. Mistakes? Yes. Being clumsy, or openly foolish? Most likely. Being an ass? Absolutely. But if there’s something you enjoy, something you think is worth doing, you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. I never have been,” I mused, shoving another croissant into my face. Flaky pastries. Num. Cadence raised an eyebrow at me. “So you believe being a total ass is worth doing?” It took me a moment to respond, cause of the face full of flakiness. “No, being yourself is. Myself just happens to be a raging douchebag.”