Fluttershy sat bolt upright, her eyes wide, and her trembling hooves covering her mouth. “R-Rarity, um… She really...”
“Yeah.” Pinkie’s voice was soft as she stared into her bowl of peach soup. She swirled her spoon in it for a moment, tracking the little bits of pepper that floated in the mixture. Finally, she sighed. “I thought it was going to be everything that she wanted. You know, like a super duper fashion show-press event-success party all mushed up into one thing. I mean, it had it all! Reporters. Cheering fans. Snazzy new shirts fresh from the air-brushing booth made just for us to parade around in. Tiny deep-fried pats of butter on itty-bitty party toothpicks. It was really top shelf.”
Fluttershy chewed delicately around the edge of her hoof. The story had left her so pale that she was nearly white. “But when you say that there were a lot of ponies there, you don’t mean a whole lot, do you?”
Pinkie poked her spoon into the soup a few more times, then dropped her head into her hoof. When her forelock fell into her eyes, she blew it away, then focused on Fluttershy again. She offered the pegasus a small, sad smile. “Oh, I mean a whole whole lot. Like, the full allotment of lots was totally all used up. That big lot behind Applejack’s barn couldn’t have held all the lots.”
Fluttershy squeaked and sank a little lower into her chair. “So… so what happened?” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
“Uh…” Pinkie looked away and chewed her lip for a moment. “Well, it was sort of stand-still super quietish for a bit. I mean, nothing crazy. Not more than, say, two or three minutes of everypony just standing there looking at Rarity up on those shoulders while they were all covered in barf. I kinda thought it was going to be okay right then, even though the photographers kept taking all those pictures. Rarity was only half covered, and she was still looking pretty cute with her hair all sticking up funny! With a little creative cropping, those pictures could be, uh…” Pinkie tapped her chin with a hoof for a moment, searching for the word. “En garde!”
“Avant-garde,” Fluttershy said, her wide eyes just above the tabletop.
Pinkie pointed a hoof at her friend. “Yeah, that!” The hoof wavered for a moment, then dropped to the table with a dull thunk. “But then some of the stallions below started getting a little sick...ish. Then I guess the crowd felt left out, because they started throwing up. And then my tummy thought I should join in, so—”
“Oh, Pinkie.”
Nodding glumly, Pinkie dropped her gaze into her lap. One strand, then several more of her poofy, curly mane relaxed until the whole thing fell as a straight sheet down the side of her head. “Rarity just jumped off of those stallions— she totally clocked this one dude in the head with her hoof—and ran. She was crying, Flutters. I mean, crying really hard, in that super-bad way where you know that it’s not just some little thing. Where you know you messed everything up really, really bad, and that you don’t even know how to fix it.”
Several muted squeaks came from the other side of the table before Fluttershy swallowed loudly. “What did you do?”
“Well, she was running away, so I chased her.” Pinkie squeezed her hooves together tightly in her lap. “You know, Rarity’s pretty fast for such a babe. She could totally win the Running of the Leaves if somepony just messed up her hair, smeared up all of her beautiful face paint, dumped a bunch of barf on her, and made themselves into the worst marefriend ever. She runs really, really fast when that happens...”
~~~
The world was a blur full of mocking faces and laughter. Rarity did not stop, fleeing she knew not where, nor for what purpose. Blind panic was her only friend, and it urged her on despite heaving lungs and burning leg muscles.
Lights and noises surrounded her, blurred by tears in her eyes and muffled by the constant sound of her own sobs. There was no sanctuary here, no comforting room with a large bed of downy softness. Only more ponies to witness her shame.
“Rarity, slow down!” Pinkie called out over the thunder of scrambling hooves. “C’mon! Wait up!”
She did not wait, charging forward, looking for any bolthole in this horrid storm of awfulness. In the distance, she saw something resembling sanctuary. While normally she might have avoided a public restroom... such places had sinks, and mirrors, and stalls with individually locking doors.
She dashed inside, not slowing in the slightest despite the cries of distress from the other mares in the room. She found the first open stall, slammed the door shut, and huddled on the toilet, waiting for everypony else to leave so that she could begin the process of restoring some form of sanity to her life.
After a moment, somepony in the neighboring stall over cleared their throat. “Is… Is everything okay in there?”
Rarity pulled her hind legs up, wrapping them up with her fore legs, and silently wept. She could do this. She just had to hide until nightfall. Everything was going to be just fine. Then, once she’d cleaned up, she could make a break for the train station, and from there, it was a mere train ride away to wherever she decided to exile herself to. She idly wondered if Minos was nice. At the very least it would present some interesting challenges for her.
“Hello?” The voice called out again.
Hmmm, it might be interesting to have a ready supply of Cashmere at hoof. That one fellow... Iron Will, that was it... He went about bare-chested a lot, but perhaps I could make them shirts and pants?
“Miss, I really, really hate to bother you, but do you have any paper in your stall?” The voice squeaked out nervously.
I’m not here. Ignore me.
“Wouldja leave her alone?” a gravelly-voiced mare called out from the stall on Rarity’s right. “Any pony in that big of a hurry’s gotta ralph. She ain’t got the time to get you toiletries when she’s about to hurl.”
The hooves of the mare standing at the sink in front of Rarity’s stall shuffled uncomfortably. “Oh, gross! I hope not!”
Rarity jumped and nearly fell from her porcelain perch when the bathroom door banged open. “Did anypony see a super-hot-but-at-the-moment-kinda-covered-in-yuck mare run in here? I followed her trail of dripping mascara, but it ended over here-ish. She’s either hiding inside this bathroom, or she’s gone into the haunted house, and I don’t want to go in there without her hoof to hold!”
“Does she gotta ralph?” the voice next to Rarity growled. “’Cause maybe she’s here, then.”
“I don’t know,” the mare on the other side squeaked, “but could you throw over some paper towels or something?”
“Ummmmmm…” Rarity watched Pinkie’s hooves turn in a slow circle. “All they have are those blow dryer hoof thingies, but we could hold you up to one if we all work together.”
“Just a long as nopony is barfing!” the mare at the sink said. “Celestia, that’s the worst.”
Pinkie’s hoof traced a few small circles on the floor. “No. I think that’s probably all done now. Rarity? You in here? Please be in here because that haunted house is super scary, and you’d probably hate me even more than you do now if you went in there by yourself. It’s got ghouls and ghosts and goblins, and the last time I went in there I couldn’t sleep for a week. I’m pretty sure hoof-holding is the only cure, but if you went in there by yourself without a hoof to hold, who knows how bad it could get? Are you in here?”
The sound of clambering hooves echoed through the bathroom, followed by a small scream from a stall somewhere to Rarity’s left.
“Sorry!” Pinkie said, scampering away. “Sorrysorrysorry!”
Rarity was torn between revealing herself to spare Pinkie searching for her in the haunted house and avoiding any and all pony contact forever. She chose to remain silent, hoping Pinkie would give up and go home rather than risk nightmares. The decision pained her, but she was in fact ruined forever, and thus was in no position to pity anypony else at that moment. When she reached Minos she would have the luxury to feel horrible about that decision, but for the moment she just felt horrid about everything in general.
“Uh, I guess she’s not here,” said the squeaky-voiced pony in the stall next to Rarity. “But if you wouldn’t mind alerting the park’s staff of a bathroom emergency, I’d appreciate it.”
Pinkie let out a heavy sigh. “I guess it’s just an emergency kind of day. If only they had a pack of Rarities in a closet that they could give me.” Her voice stopped suddenly, and her hoof tapped on the tile for a moment. “But if we had more Rarities, then she wouldn’t be very rare. Can we have a whole lot of Rarities?”
“Would you shut up and find your dumb mare already?” the gravelly-voiced pony on Rarity’s right growled. “Some of us are trying to concentrate here!”
Pinkie backed up a few steps.”Oh. Oh, all right…”
That was a step too far, and despite herself Rarity spoke up, though she maintained enough presence of mind to attempt to disguise her voice. “There’s... ahem, there ain’t no cause for hostility. She’s worried about her friend. But maybe it’d be good if she went home instead.”
“Go home? Without Rarity? I couldn’t—”
“Well, whatever. Just scram so we can finish up.” The gravelly-voiced pony said. “Though, I gotta say, you ain’t much of a friend in my book if you trot on home when your friend’s in trouble.”
“By the sounds of things,” Rarity began, then paused. She had been trying to keep her voice lower than her normal register, but also trying not to speak as she normally would. The trouble was, when trying to think of what a normal pony would say, she drew a blank. In desperation, she settled on trying to imitate Applejack in hopes it would prove confusing to Pinkie and throw her off. “Her friend ain’t in trouble, she’s... errr... plum embarrassed. Doesn’t want to be seen’s what I’m sayin’.” She winced at the butchering of the Equestrian language she’d just had to perform.
The mare at the mirror blew out a hard snort through her nose. “You’re better off without some drama queen, honey. My last was like that. Any little thing and she’d whine and cry. It gets old, trust me.”
“But…” The sound of Pinkie’s loud swallow echoed through the bathroom. “But Rarity’s not like that. I mean, not usually. Well, she can be, if things don’t go just so, like if she loses her ribbons or… or if you want too many changes on your dress.” Pinkie hesitated for a moment. “Actually, she cries an awful lot, now that I think about it…”
“See?” The pony at the sinks yawned. “Better off without her. All that emotionality gets boring. A pretty face only covers up so much, you know?”
Rarity drew in a breath sharply, choking back a sob. They were right, of course. Pinkie would be better off without her. Knowing that would make getting on with her life easier. “They’re... they’re right, sug. Forget about her. She’s... she ain’t worth it.”
Clearing her throat, the squeaky pony on Rarity’s left threw a little steel into her voice. “Now just wait a minute, everypony! We don’t even know what happened. Maybe… Well, it could be that this mare ran away because she was really hurt. It sounds like she might be a sensitive soul. Maybe that pony with the pink hooves did something bad to her.”
“Well, what’s the story?” the gruff pony said. “You mean to your mare or something?”
“Ummm… yeah.” Pinkie’s voice was soft, almost a whisper. “I had this whole fun day planned out here at this park, but she didn’t really like any of it. She was trying to be nice, but I kept thinking ‘okay, she didn’t like that ride, but the next ride will be the one.’ But it always turned out to be some other number. One that didn’t add up right, I guess. Then—”
The gruff voice hummed for a moment, considering. “Sounds like you thought wrong, then, huh? Maybe you two ain’t so good for each other if you like different stuff.”
There was a long silence. “Maybe…” Pinkie finally said, her voice cracking just a bit at the end.
“Um... the important thing ta remember is it ain’t your fault.” Rarity said quickly. “Some ponies... can’t be happy, and you probably didn’t do nothin’ wrong at all. Sounds like she ain’t the one for you. You need somepony you can have fun with.”
“What are you talking about?” the mare at the sinks said. Rarity heard the distinct sound of a hoof rifling through a makeup bag. “Oh, where is my lipstick? I better not have forgotten it at home. Anyway, I don’t know how you could think it wasn’t this pony’s—Hey, what’s your name, honey?”
“Pinkie,” she said in a small, sad voice.
“Of course it is. Aha!” The clattering sound of a lipstick tube cap against porcelain. “No offense, sugar, but you don’t sound very experienced. You can’t plan a date just with things you want to do. It’s rude. I mean, how into a girl can you be if you didn’t even plan a date around her?”
Pinkie sniffled, and a few teardrops pattered onto the floor. “I… I don’t know. I thought I was really, really into her. I felt like I was at the top of a super tall mountain all way up high in the air. I just wanted to show her all the stuff I really liked because she liked me, or… or I think she liked me. But she didn’t like the stuff I like, I guess, and that’s kinda like not liking me...”
Rarity’s eyes blazed with fury. How dare anypony blame Pinkie of all ponies. “Now you listen here, hon. Our Pinkie clearly tried. Just because that mare ain’t capable of havin’ a good time at an amusement park ain’t no reason to assume that Pinkie coulda or shoulda known that! That mare shouldn’t even be around ponies and should move to someplace where she won’t see none.”
“Whoa, that’s kinda harsh,” the gruff pony said. “What are you, the official Pinkie cheerleader? At least let her break up before you swoop in. Sheesh. But, on the other hoof, Pinkie, you gotta go with what you know. If you try to make a date about stuff that you ain’t good with, well, that’s gonna be a trouble, too. Don’t let Lipstick here tell you different. She just sounds bitter.”
“Bitter?” the pony at the sinks screeched. “I’ll have you know that I patiently waited through seven sub-par dates during which I was dragged all over Manehatten to the most awful of dives and low-end theater productions! All that I asked for was a little consideration as to what I might want, but oh no! That was too much to—”
The gruff pony’s hoof slammed down on the tile. “Well, I’m from Manehatten, and if you couldn’t just speak up and say want you wanted to do in a town with so much to offer, well, that sounds like a personality problem.”
“I think Pinkie could have been more considerate,” the nervous pony on Rarity’s left said. “However, her heart sounds like it was in the right place. She’ll probably do better next time.”
“I’m not sure my heart is in the right place, though.” Pinkie blew her nose, then paused. “Oh, right. No paper towels.” Rarity heard the rushing sound of an open faucet as Pinkie plunged her hoof under the nearest tap. “I’m pretty sure my heart’s back on that roller coaster. It was happy there. I wish I was back there, too. My chest is all achy now that I’m heartless.”
“W-wait.” The squeaky pony said. “Did you…”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the stall on Rarity’s right. “You didn’t take your marefriend on The Powerdive, did you?”
“Yeah.” A few more teardrops splatted against the tile. “I’m a big dummy.”
“You sure are,” the mare at the sinks said. “Sorry to be blunt, but that’s just idiotic. What were you thinking?”
“Gotta go with Lipstick on this one. Bad move, but maybe you can make it up to her later. Or maybe she’ll move on. Probably for the best, you know?”
“Well, her intentions were good, though, weren’t they?” The nervous pony said somewhat uncertainly to general silence. “Pinkie, I hate to say it, but that does sound like a pretty poor decision.”
“Wait, all of you.” Rarity said, her voice strident above the rest. “That... Rarity had every chance to say ‘no’ to anythin’ she didn’t want to do. It’s just as true that she was a danged fool for going along with it. ’Sides, it ain’t as bad as ponies make it out to be.”
“That’s a good point!” the gravelly-voice pony called out. “You gotta stand up for yourself in this world. Otherwise, ponies will run all over you. So Pinkie wanted this Rarity chick to go on some ride. Big deal. Pinkie didn’t make her get on it.” She paused. “Wait. You didn’t force her on, right?
“Ummmmmmm… Well, I may have used some extra-strength puppy-dog eyes a few times.”
The gruff pony huffed. “Puppy-dog eyes ain’t forcing. It was her choice, so this Rarity chick can’t get uptight about it after the fact.”
“Oh, come on! You don’t date much, do you?” The mare at the sinks crossed one hoof over the other. “Let me tell you a little something about real life, sugar. Best intentions don’t mean a whole lot. My last got best intentioned right out of a marefriend because being put second all the time gets old, especially when they pretend like it was all done for you in the first place. Sounds to me like this Rarity likes classy things like fashion if she’s making dresses. Pinkie here could have taken her to a ball or something, but you didn’t, did you?”
Pinkie’s hooves shuffled uncomfortably. “No.”
“So there you go.” The hooves uncrossed and turned back to the mirror. “Pinkie here just wanted to go to an amusement park and lied about it. Now hold on!” she said at Pinkie’s sharp inhale. “I’m not saying you did it on purpose. We lie to ourselves all the time. You probably just really wanted to go and fooled yourself into thinking that Rarity would like the same things you did. Well, the world doesn’t work that way, hon. You’re going to have to give a little, or maybe a lot. This mare sounds like she has some pretty different tastes. Seriously, you girls need to get out more and live life. You don’t know anything.”
“Hey, I get all the dates I want! I ain’t never had no trouble in that department. You wait until I—oh, you gotta be kidding me!” The sounds of frantic scrambling echoed out from the gruff mare’s stall. “Uh, add another one to that toilet paper list, Pinkie. But seriously, screw that mare. If she can’t let her hair down a little, you’re better off.”
“Don’t worry none, sug.” Rarity said quietly. “Let that silly mare be. Just go have fun.”
“I don’t think I can anymore,” Pinkie replied with a sniff. “I thought I was really good at fun, but now I’m not sure. I was so wrong about it today. Fundamentally wrong.” A short silence stretched out in the bathroom, then Pinkie sighed. “See? I can’t even make a good joke about it. I guess they’re right when they say that laughter comes from the heart. Since mine’s still on that roller coaster, nothing seems fun at all.”
The nervous pony tapped against her stall wall. “Please, everypony. We’re turning these two against each other. Pinkie at least wants to make up, and they were into each other enough to get this far. They shouldn’t give up. All they need to do is to talk.”
“I w-want to talk, but I can’t find her!” Pinkie wailed. “She ran away really fast, and I lost her trail somewhere around here. Oh, I am a big dummy! I’ve been in here talking to all of you, and you guys are really helpful and everything, but she’s probably hiding in that haunted house all super scared and hating me forever! I gotta go find her!” Pinkie’s hooves slipped on the slick tiled floor as she scampered for the door.
Rarity waited a moment more as the door opened and closed, then cautiously opened her stall door, intent on slipping out and fleeing the scene.
“‘Super hot’, ‘dripping mascara’... You were in here the whole time?” The pony who Rarity had come to associate with the name ‘Lipstick’ demanded.
Rarity said nothing, instead levitating boxes of tissues into two stalls, from which came surprised cries of gratitude. She then strode towards the door.
“What in Equestria is wrong with you?” Lipstick asked.
“So, so much.” Rarity muttered. “That’s why she’s better off like this.”
“Celestia save us from crazy mares.” Lipstick replied, favoring her with an incredulous look. “So you’re just going let her run off into that haunted house? I mean, why not? She’s already convinced that she failed you, so why not let her get nightmares as a bonus?”
“I...” Rarity paused, hoof on the door.
“Don’t be that mare.” Lipstick warned. “If you need to break it off, break it off. But don’t crush her like that and then just run off. She deserves better, even if her taste sucks.”
“Will you stop bad-mouthing her? She’s a wonderful pony, considerate, loving... It’s hardly her fault I am broken.” Rarity shot back, getting actively angry with the mare.
Lipstick rolled her eyes, then dipped her mascara back into its container for a fresh coat. “I don’t know about broken, but you sure look like a wreck. Still, I’d rather look like a wreck than be one, and by the look of things, Pinkie’s going to be the biggest wreck in this park pretty soon. But I guess you don’t care about that, do you? Good for you. I told her that I thought you two were wrong for each other. Now I know for sure. So go catch the last train out of town or whatever it is that you’re running off to do. I’m sure Pinkie will get tired and go home…” Her eyes slid sideways until they met Rarity’s. “...eventually.”
“Oh... go powder your nose!” Rarity shouted back, storming out of the bathroom.
~~~
“Gonna guess you didn’t make it to the train.” Applejack said, a look of sympathy in her eyes. “Things sound like they went bad real quick.”
“I... thought about it. I felt ruined, and worthless, and I wanted to be anywhere but there. But... that mare. I couldn’t get her out of my head. I could just see Pinkie becoming jaded just like her, berating some poor, young lover. I... I had to at least let her know it wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t leave without saying a proper goodbye.”
~~~
It had been three agonizingly long minutes since she’d left the bathroom, but Pinkie had finally received the ten thousand missing Rarity posters that she’d hastily designed and sent away for. Now she ran back and forth in front of the haunted house, frantically taping them to every available surface. Several bewildered passers-by stopped, muttering to each other while trying to decide if this was some bizarre advertisement for a new park attraction.
“Have you seen this mare?” she said, thrusting a poster into the face of a mustachioed stallion. “I lost her, or… or actually, she ran away, so she lost me. I’m looking all over for her.”
“Uh…”
“Okay, well, let me know if you see her. Here.” Pinkie ripped off another piece of tape with her teeth and stuck the poster to the stallion’s side. “It’ll help to remind you.”
“Hey! Now, look—”
“I’ve been looking!” Pinkie called over her shoulder as she ran to the next group of ponies. “Have you guys seen a drop dead gorgeous mare? No? Hey, you shouldn’t hit him like that, ma’am.” Pinkie turned as the bathroom door squeaked, and an alarmingly disheveled yet devastatingly alluring unicorn mare stepped out. “Hey! Hey, you!”
Rarity squinted in the sunlight, nearly darting back into the bathroom when she saw how many ponies were about. She found herself confronted by Pinkie of all ponies, which quickly decided the issue of whether she would run after Pinkie or simply make a break for the train station. She felt a sense of relief, with just a bit of dread. At least now, she could properly say goodbye. “Um—”
“Hey, I’m looking for a probably supermodel-level hot unicorn mare, and you look like you know a little something about being really, really pretty. Oh, except you’ve got some paper caught in your mane. Let me get that.” Pinkie plunged her hoof into the ratty mess, then paused. “Oh, or… or is this some kind of new style. The unicorn I’m looking for is all about style, and sometimes I just don’t understand the stuff she’s into.”
There are times in a pony’s life where only one response is possible. Being around Pinkie presented Rarity with so many of those times. Dutifully, when confronted with yet another, she gave that response. “What?”
Pinkie yanked a poster from a large sack slung across her back. “She’s not a ‘what.’ She’s a who! A really classy, drop dead gorgeous unicorn mare of a who, that’s who! She’s about your height, and pretty much the same color as you. And she’s got hair…” Pinkie stopped for a moment, working her tongue slowly around the inside of her mouth as she squinted. “Ummmmmm… And she’s got hair pretty much the same color, too.” Pinkie thought hard for a minute, then perked up. “So she should be really easy for you to remember! Have you seen this mare?” she asked, pointing to the picture on the poster.
“I... I don’t...” Rarity shook her head, looking at the poster, and back to Pinkie. She found herself honestly questioning whether she had seen that mare recently. Certainly not in the bathroom mirror just now. She looked happier in that poster. When had Pinkie taken that photo?
“’Cause if you’ve seen her, or if you do see her, or if you’re going to see her, then could you pass along a message that I’m really, really looking all over the place for her? I want us to go back to the roller coaster and pick our hearts up again. We…” Pinkie face crumpled, and she sniffed. “We left them back there, out on the platform, and I just want to put them back where they belong so that we can be back where we belong. I just want to go home again and say that I’m so, so sorry for being a terrible marefriend who did a bad thing…” Pinkie blinked back welling tears, then thrust the poster and a whistle into Rarity’s hoof. “So if you see her, just blow on that as hard as you can and I’ll come running.”
Rarity watched, dumbfounded, as Pinkie ran off to ask other ponies if they’d seen her. She looked down at the poster, then the whistle. After a moment, she put the whistle to her lips and blew it as hard as she could.
Pinkie ran back as fast as she could, somewhat hampered by an irritated stallion she was dragging along behind her. Halfway through taping a poster to his leg, she’d forgotten to let go of him when she answered the call. “You work fast!” she said, still panting a little. “So what’s the good word? You’ve seen my mare with that certain debonair flair and a derriere beyond compare?”
Rarity opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, and closed it again. She looked at the poster, then Pinkie, then proceeded to roll it up, and smack her on the head with it.
“Ow, hey!” Pinkie said, rubbing the top of her head. “What’s the big idea? Only Rarity gets to do that…”
“Stop it! Just stop at once! You’re making this incredibly difficult!” Rarity screamed at her. For a time, she just stood there, breathing heavily and staring at Pinkie with something between irritation and fond exasperation.
Pinkie’s face contorted through its own roller coaster of emotion. Leaving the station, it clattered its way through Confusion Curve before ascending Hurt Hill as she rubbed her smarting crown. Then, at the top of the hill, her eyes widened, and she reached up with a trembling hoof to gently wipe away some of the smeared face paint from beneath Rarity’s hopelessly tangled mane. When those blue eyes finally stared back at her, she travelled rapidly down the coaster’s drop into mortification. Gripping the mental lap bar of shame and regret, she leapt into a nearby bush, and its leaves shook violently as she quivered within. “No. No! Nonononono!”
“Pinkie, wait—”
“That mare was right. She’s the rightest right that ever righted. I am just a big dummy!” The bush sniffled loudly. “I can’t even recognize my own marefriend, who I just gave the worst date in history to! I can’t believe you’re still here! I-I’m sorry, Rarity. You should find a marefriend who you deserve, not a big dummy of a pink one.”
Crouching down low to the ground, Rarity peeked under the leaves to the pink hooves underneath. “Pinkie, don’t... don’t ever say that about yourself.”
“It’s true! I know it is! Everypony says it when they think I’m not listening. They say I’m a big airheaded, poofy-maned, confetti-crazy ditz who only cares about parties and cakes and little foal stuff! I thought maybe they were wrong for a while there. I thought I cared about Rarity and my friends, and about all of Equestria, but then I just went to do all the airheady stuff they said I’d do!”
A small stream of tears wound its way out from under the bush. It briefly ran alongside Rarity’s hoof before disappearing down a storm drain. “I really w-wanted you to have fun, though. Honest. I’m just—” The bush swallowed loudly “—just not a marefriendy kind of a mare. I’m more of a stand-off-to-the-side-and-smile-supportively-while-your-friends-go-on-great-dates kind of a mare. But if you could, just tell the Cakes to forward my mail to this bush. A-and tell Twilight that I’ll be here if monsters attack and we have to rainbow them.”
Rarity said nothing for a time, struck by the utter absurdity of Pinkie wanting to live in a bush simply because she was—
Shamed. Mortally shamed. Sweet Celestia, we are a pair, aren’t we?
The next words to leave her mouth surprised even her. “Pinkie, would you like to move to Minos with me?”
“H-how would we live with minnows? They probably have itty-bitty houses…” Pinkie’s tear-filled eyes appeared through the leaves. “And I can’t breathe underwater. And I’m a terrible marefriend who belongs in a bush.”
“Not minnows, Minotaurs. And I imagine they live in houses, or mazes, if my novels are to be believed.”
The bush blinked. “... I like mazes,” it finally said.
“Then... then let’s just go! We can be on a train and away from... all of this. No more worries about who we’ve upset, or how we’ve messed up, we won’t know any...anyone at all! Think of all the new friends you could make!”
Two pink hooves shot out of the bush and grabbed Rarity’s shoulders. “Why, Rarity?” the bush asked, shaking her like a wind-caught sock. “You’d still be stuck with me! You could have anypony in the whole world! You’re pretty, a-and smart, and successful. I don’t understand!” Slowly, the legs drew Rarity into the bush and into a crushing hug. Against her, Pinkie shook. “You could have anypony, but you’re here with me, even after all the ways I messed it all up! I don’t understand it, Rarity! You’re perfect, and y-you h-heard that mare in the bathroom. I’m just a big dummy that screws things up. I messed up your dresses with my yucky icing hooves. I’m always distracting you when you need to concentrate on work. And now, I totally ruined your whole day, but you’re still here!” Pinkie’s voice broke. “With me… Why do you still want to be with me?”
“Forget all of that.” Rarity said, gesturing around wildly. “Forget all of this. We’ll just go and find someplace where we can just be us, and stop trying to be something else for each other! It will be grand, Pinkie! I’ll make them shirts and pants and dresses for the cows and you can set up a party supply store, or a bakery, or both! It could be so wonderful!”
Pinkie buried her damp face into the crook of Rarity’s neck. “But what about your shop?” she asked in a somewhat muffled voice. “What about our friends? And Sweetie Belle? And the Cakes? I-I’m supposed to watch Pound and Pumpkin next week, and the holiday rush is coming at Sugarcube Corner. Oh, I’m still screwing this all up!” Pinkie squeezed Rarity tightly for a moment. “I want to go where you go. I’ll figure out who can take over. Maybe Spike. He likes taking care of stuff.”
“Well... they managed without us for the summer... I’m certain they could do so for... the rest of our lives. We... we could send letters. Mother and Father could... send me pictures of how Sweetie Belle is growing up.” Rarity resolve began to crumble. “And... and the Cakes are good parents, they could make do. The... the town would be hit hardest, I think, with you gone. I’m... not sure our friends would notice, at first. Eventually, maybe, but not right away...”
“Not notice you’re gone? Our friends?” Pinkie held Rarity out at leg’s length. “Are you crazy? Twilight couldn’t quit talking about that sash you made her for whatever that fancy function was she had the other day. And Applejack was really happy when you stopped by to eat lunch and play with Winona the other day. She told me all about it, and I said, ‘Well, that’s my Rarity! She’s so super considerate and knows which fork to use!’ Then Applejack said that they didn’t have any forks, and that you guys just ate with your hooves, but I told her she was a big fibber. ‘I know my Rarity,’ I said, ‘and bits to biscuits she levitated those sandwiches! No hooves for my lady!’ Applejack just rolled her eyes a lot and said it was an expression, but I still think she owes me either some bits or some biscuits. I’m not really sure which one of them was supposed to go to me.” Pinkie looked away for a moment, frowning. “What were we talking about? Oh, right! Our friends! Rarity, they’d totally miss you!”
“Certainly, the next time they need a gown or to know which silverware to use, but they’ll miss you far sooner. Who will Rainbow prank with? And I know the Apple reunion is coming up, and you’re supposed to go with her, Pinkie. And who will bring Twilight coffee and donuts the next time she forgets to eat? You know Spike can’t take care of her on his own; he’s a baby dragon, for goodness sake.”
Pinkie took a deep breath, and set her face into firm resolve. “Rarity, I think we can agree on one thing. If we go live with the minnows, our friends will fall into a crushing pit of despair and Ponyville will probably, um… explode… or something.” She locked eyes with Rarity and drew herself up to her full sitting height. “For the safety of the realm, we must remain.” A slow smile crept into the corners of her mouth. “But we could go visit those minnows for a week or two! I wouldn’t even plan it, so it probably won’t be a total disaster!”
“I...” Rarity stopped, pressing a hoof to her temple. “I don’t know if two weeks will be near enough. That picture is going to be in so many papers, Pinkie. I’m essentially ruined, socially. Bad enough all of our friends know my shame, now a whole nation will know...”
Hanging her head, Pinkie’s smile collapsed again. “Oh. Right. The whole ruining your life thing. That’s how we ended up in a bush.” She sighed heavily, then fished around in her mane. “Well, there’s only one option: Destroy the evidence!” With a flourish, she pulled out a tight-fitting black catsuit with goggles. “We’ll sneak up on those reporters and expose the film!” She squinted down at the suit. “But, um, I only have one of these, so we’ll have to share. I’ll take the left side.”
“That’s... that’s... well, I’m fairly certain that’s illegal. Granted, we do know four princesses, but I don’t know if we can count on a pardon. Maybe we could think of something slightly less larcenous?”
“Ummmmm…” Pinkie scratched her chin. “Well, I have been saving up my bits for a bigger party cannon, but maybe we could just buy the photos before they put them in the paper. It’s the least—” Pinkie swallowed and dropped her eyes to her hooves. “It’s the least I could do for being a totally bad marefriend and taking you on the worst date ever. Then we can go back to Ponyville and find you a good one, and I’ll just stand over in my corner and smile like I used to.”
Rarity’s breath hitched in her throat at Pinkie’s words. “Pinkie, you must stop saying that! I’m the one who is the horrible marefriend, not you. You did your very best! I failed you! We didn’t get the shirts because of me!”
“Huh?” Pinkie tilted her head to the side. “Whattaya mean? Rarity, you’re wearing it right now, along with, well, with some of that Matrimonial.” Pinkie took Rarity’s face in her hooves. “You did it, Rarity! Don’t you remember how fantabulous you were? We did it because of you!”
“But... but I... all over everypony... I failed, Pinkie! Those poor stallions must be so upset!”
Pinkie covered her giggle with a hoof. “Oh, Rarity! Those stallions have been trying to get those shirts for like a hundred years! You think a little sick bothers them? They’ve probably been puking on that ride once a week!” Brushing back tangled bangs, Pinkie traced the wet area just at the corner of Rarity’s eyes lightly with her hoof. “Nopony’s done what we were able to do in, like, forever! All because you’re super. There’s nopony like you, and… and…” Pinkie’s grin wavered, then fell entirely. “Rarity, I don’t want to go back to my corner and smile that hard-to-do smile! I want to be with you, but I know I’m not very good at this, so if you could maybe just be patient with me, I’ll try so hard!” Pinkie sat up rigidly straight, refusing to move a muscle. “Hard!” she growled through a tightly clamped jaw.
“Pinkie, what are you...” Rarity’s eyes opened wide. “You can’t possibly...” She thought for a moment, looking at Pinkie’s resolute stance, and sighed heavily. “Of course you do. You’re nearly as bad as me when it comes to blaming yourself for things clearly out of your control.” She wrapped her arms around Pinkie, nuzzling her fondly. “No corner for you, love. Do you understand?”
“No,” Pinkie whispered, trembling. She wrapped her hooves around Rarity and buried her face into her marefriend’s mane. Though hopelessly tangled, its scent was still intoxicating. Rarity kept at least thirty mysterious bottles in and around the shower, mixing and matching them for precise effects. Whenever Pinkie plunged her head into Rarity’s mane, it made her think of raw silk and sunsets. It was love and hope and beauty, all wrapped up in smells and textures that seemed way too sophisticated for her. There was so much about everything lately that she just didn’t understand.
“No, I d-don’t get it. I want to understand, but you…” Pinkie swallowed the lump that always seemed to form in her throat when she thought to hard about why Rarity liked her. “I’m happy with you every day, Rarity, but you could be having a really fancy eclair or something instead of a plain ol’ vanilla cupcake like me. You like pretty, delicate, cultured stuff that I’m always ruining. Why…” Pinkie’s voice faltered, but she looked into Rarity’s eyes and tapped herself lightly over her heart.
Rarity just pulled Pinkie as close as she could, not answering for some time. “You really don’t know. All these months and you still don’t know...” The world around them disappeared, and with it, for a time, her utter horror with her physical appearance, and her distaste for the sights and sounds of the park. “There’s nopony that could possibly compare to you.” Rarity pressed a hoof up to Pinkie’s lips, shushing any response Pinkie might have given. “I don’t expect you to understand. It’s absolutely perfect that you don’t. Just know I love you, Pinkie Pie. I love you for everything that you are. And... I’m very sorry I made you worry. That was cruel of me. But... if you’ll forgive me, I’ll try to be a better pony for you.”
Pinkie screwed her face up. “Huh? Forgive you? I’m the one who took you to some park that you hated and dragged you on a bunch of yucky rides! If anypony should be sorry, it’s me! All you did was be perfect and super-wonderful about everything like always. Here. Hold on.” The tip of Pinkie’s tongue stuck out of the side of her mouth while fished through her mane for a moment. Perking up suddenly, she pulled out a blue ribbon emblazoned with gold text that read “Best Marefriend.” Peeling off the adhesive backing, she stuck it to Rarity’s shirt. “There! It’s official.”
Rarity’s eyes followed the sticker, drawing her gaze down to her horribly soiled shirt. “Ahhh! Pinkie, I need to get cleaned up immediately!” Pulling Pinkie behind her, Rarity edged her way out of the bush and turned back to the bathroom before noticing the door was open. Her eyes widened in dawning horror as she saw they had an audience.
“Oh, hey everypony!” Pinkie said while waving vigorously. “Look! I found her and then we had some serious bush time!”
The collective of mares turned to Rarity and raised their eyebrows.
“Not what she meant! You,” Rarity pointed at the mare she knew only as Lipstick. “You have wet towelettes in your bag, don’t you?”
The mare rolled her eyes, then grumbled to herself as she dug through her saddlebag. “Here,” she said, tossing Rarity a couple of tiny, individually wrapped packages.
A solidly built mare trotted down the steps and picked up one of the towelettes from the ground near Rarity’s hoof. “Whoa, lady. You’re a wreck,” she rasped out in her gravelly voice. “No wonder you hid out in that stall. Let’s get you cleaned up some.”
“It’s the least we could do after you found us some toilet paper.” A primly coifed older unicorn scooped up the second towelette and magically tore the packaging open. “I feared that I would be trapped in there all night.”
Shaking her head, Lipstick trotted down the steps and out onto one of the park’s many twisting pathways. “Well, good luck, I guess. You two are going to need it. I don’t know why everypony is so screwed up these days…”
Dabbing at Rarity’s shirt, the unicorn leaned in close. “Don’t you listen to a bitter pill like her. We could hear it all—” She nodded her head back toward the row of windows that ran along the bathroom’s wall “—and you two were very sweet.”
“Yeah,” said the gruff pony as she wiped at the sides of Rarity’s face. The towelette came away nearly black with smeared mascara. “I wish my stallion and I could talk about stuff the way you two do.”
“Rarity and I talk all the time!” Pinkie hopped back and forth, grinning. “For a little while, I tried to just think stuff to her. Mr. and Mrs. Cake always say that they have this special bond that helps them understand each other, but then Rarity here would be frownish at me because I’d get all red-faced and shaky. I’d think so hard that I’d feel woozy and fall-over-y, and then I’d have to go take a nap for a little while. So after that happened a few times, I thought that maybe just talking would be better. I’ll have time to build up my telepathy later on.”
The two mares’ hooves wavered in the air while they blinked at Pinkie.
“What?” Pinkie said after a few moments, her eyes travelling back and forth between them.
Rarity just rolled her eyes affectionately. “Talking will be fine, love.” Turning back to their two new friends, Rarity put on her very best smile. “I...I thank you both, for... for trying to comfort her, in there. I wasn’t thinking very sensibly. So... thank you.”
“Eh, happens to the best of us.” The gruff mare took a step back, then tilted her head to the side and squinted at Rarity for a moment. “Well, that’s probably as good as it’s gonna get. Might wanna turn that shirt inside-out, though.”
Pinkie’s eyes flew wide. “Inside-out? But then nopony would see it!”
The prim pony tapped the shirt gently with her hoof. “But it’s stained, dearie.” Clucking her tongue, she held the shirt out a little for Rarity to see. “You don’t want to walk around like this, do you?”
“Hold on,” Pinkie said, her voice slightly muffled. She was trying to wiggle out of her shirt, but had only managed to work both forelegs through the same hole. “We’ll trade, Rares. Mine’s only kinda stained. Wait, how do you get out of here?” She paused, her eye peeking through the neck hole. “Do you still have that park map, Rares? I’m lost.”
Rarity sighed theatrically, then lifted Pinkie bodily by the shirt, allowing her to slide out of it. “I think it best we just take them off for now until I can properly launder them. They’ll make a nice keepsake.” She shucked off her own in a long practiced move, tucking both shirts into her saddlebag. “Let’s go home, Pinkie.” She nodded to the two mares, extending a hoof in farewell. “If you’re ever in Ponyville, look me up. I’ll be the recluse in the dress shop.”
Suddenly free, Pinkie sat, blinking. “Whoa. Thanks Rarity. I was in a world of shirt back there.” She climbed to her hooves and brushed away the dirt that dusted her rump, then froze. “Wait. Leave? But we haven’t even—” Her jaw snapped shut with an audible click. “No, you’re right,” she mumbled from behind her tightly clamped lips. “We should probably go.”
Pinkie pulled more ribbons from someplace that the others didn’t quite catch, then pinned them on the two mares. “There. In honor of your extreme valor and helpfulness while trapped in a bathroom stall.” Beaming, Pinkie stuck the “I’m a #1 Bathroom Helper!” ribbons to the two mares’ chests.
Nonplussed, the two mares stared at their ribbons for a moment. “Uh… thanks,” the gruff mare finally said before turning back to Rarity, “and, yeah. I’ll be sure to stop in and look at your stuff if I’m ever in Ponyville.”
“And I will, too!” The prim mare took Rarity’s hoof and gently shook it. “Good luck to the both of you! I don’t mean to be saccharine, but you’re both very sweet.”
With that, they said their final goodbyes and made a beeline for the park entrance. Rarity held her head high, refusing to try to hide anymore. After all, her life was already over, all she had left was her pride. And she could still have some semblance of a life. True, social mobility was out of the question, but perhaps she could find some up-and-coming fashionista and allow her to run the shop while Rarity herself created from the shadows. It would be horribly romantic, a bit like Fantoma De La Opera, only without the masks and foalnapping. She briefly wondered how expensive an organ might be, and whether somepony could come teach her to play it.
“Rarity?” Pinkie’s head hung low as she trudged alongside her marefriend.
Perhaps masks aren’t out of the question... but certainly not that half-mask. I won’t look like some burn-victim, Rarity thought as she strode past dozens of ponies, all of whom seemed to be looking straight at her.
“You’re humming really hard in minor scale.”
She refused to let it bother her. Likely they’d seen her shame, but no matter. She was going home, and she was going to buy an organ and learn to play it. Everything was going to be wonderful.
Pinkie let out a long sigh before giving Rarity a sidelong glance. “So maybe you should pick the next place we go to. Needle factory. “History of the Button” museum tour. Doily seminar. I’m ready for whatever you want to do.”
“Hmmm?” Rarity turned to Pinkie, a bit embarrassed that she’d missed something. “Oh! Well, I think just a quiet dinner by candlelight will be fine...” Her eyes lit up in a sudden thought. “Oh! I shall need very dark curtains to prevent the sunlight from entering my lair. Perhaps I could set up a workroom in the basement, and train rats to fetch me food!” She frowned suddenly. “Wait, Opal would eat them. Oh, dear.”
Pinkie’s face scrunched up quizzically while she tilted her head to the side. “A lair? Like a cave or something that a bear would live in? A bear lair?” Pinkie hid a giggle behind her hoof. “You can’t put up curtains in a cave! There aren’t even any windows!”
“No, not a cave. More like a dank sewer, where ponies dare not enter for fear of the sounds and the legends of the Lady Rarity and her needles. I...” Rarity paused, blushing as she realized she was well and truly making a scene. Pride only went so far. “Right. Maybe we’d better just go somewhere with no other ponies after all. You know this park, Pinkie. Do you know any place we could go for a while?”
Pinkie tapped her chin. “Weeeeeell… there’s the alicorndog stand. You used to be able to get these little cardboard Celestias with corndogs for horns, but the stand got shut down because ponies said it was in bad taste. And that it tasted bad.” Pinkie stopped suddenly and stared off into the distance. “Rarity, why is an ear of corn dipped in batter and fried to delicious perfection called a dog, anyway? It doesn’t even look like a dog.”
“The same reason they call a carrot in a bun a carrot dog. It’s an adaptation of griffon cuisine.” Rarity thought for a moment about the nice griffon in Central Park that had explained it to her, and while he’d seemed very enthusiastic, he hadn’t actually given her much insight beyond that the dogs normally sold in Griffonstone were made of meat, or something that resembled meat. “Though I don’t think they eat actual dogs, either, so I’m afraid to say that your guess is as good as mine.”
“Um, okay. Oh, I know! We could rent side by side lockers and lock ourselves in! Very private!”
“I think I’d rather avoid small spaces with suspicious odors. The stall in the ladies room was bad enough.”
The tiny tufts of hair around the edges of Pinkie’s ears started to smoke as she thought extra hard. After a few moment, she bounced rapidly in place. “Ooh! Ooh! I’ve got it! We could—” Pinkie’s paused, her eyes finding Rarity’s for a moment, then dropping. Her naturally pink cheeks blushed into a rosy red, then scarlet. “Uh…”
“Yes?” Rarity replied, honestly curious what would prompt that reaction.
Pinkie’s hoof poked at the cobblestone path. “Never mind. After today, you probably wouldn’t want to.”
“Now, now, I don’t want to immediately discount anything.” Rarity said, then amended: “Except for another roller coaster. I’m sorry, but one was enough.”
Pinkie swallowed, her voice trembling slightly. “Well, th-there’s Cadence’s Crystal Caverns. That’s what they call the tunnel of love ride here. It’s specifically made for ponies that want to get away from it all. We could go on that as many times as we wanted and not be around anypony else. It’d be… just us. The perfect end to a great date. One that a good marefriend would have taken you on, but you’re supposed to go on it because you’re in love, not because you’re hiding. They probably have one of those signs out front with the measuring sticks on them that say ‘You must be at least this good as a marefriend to go on the ride.’ And… and I’ll try to get on, but they’ll have those beefy security stallions pick me up and throw me out of the park.”
Rarity stopped in her tracks, turning around fully to face Pinkie. For a long moment, she just stood there, uncertain of what to say. Then she angrily stomped her hoof on the ground. “Will you please stop that? You did wonderfully, darling. I’m the one who bit off more than she could chew. And if anypony even dares ask such a question I will punch them right in the mouth!”
Pinkie rocked back on her hooves, her eyes wide. “Whoa, Rares...”
“The gall, the absolute gall of anypony who would even—” Rarity angrily grabbed Pinkie’s hoof, looking around wildly. “You show me this tunnel, and if they have such a silly policy, I will vouch for you. Who exactly would they ask otherwise?”
Gripping the hoof tightly, Pinkie held Rarity’s gaze. “Is… is it really okay, Rarity? I tried today, I really, really did, but I feel like I messed it all up. But you’re saying that you want to go on the ride with me, and that means that you still love me, because you can’t go into Cadence’s Crystal Caverns without loving the other pony. The ride stops and you have to get out.” Pinkie pulled Rarity in closer. They were standing nearly nose to nose. “Rarity, I want to go on that ride with you more badly than anypony ever wanted to go on it. Please. For reals… is it all okay?”
“Darling, loving you was never a question,” Rarity said firmly. “Let’s go.” Rarity marched forward, but was pulled off balance when she reached the end of her tether. She was still holding Pinkie’s hoof, and her marefriend hadn’t moved an inch. “Pinkie? Are you alright, dear?”
Pinkie’s lower lip trembled and her eyes shimmered. She fought for air as her breathing descended into shallow, hitching gasps. “Rarity…” she said in a small, quavering voice before wailing and breaking into fountaining tears.
Rarity stared at Pinkie, uncertain what was going on. “Darling, whatever is the matter? Was I too harsh? I...I didn’t actually mean I would hit ponies for no reason, just the ones who thought they could question you in such a way—”
Pinkie launched herself at Rarity, tackling her. Together, they fell onto a bench, which upended and dropped them into a cheerfully arranged flower garden. Straddling her marefriend, Pinkie peppered with light kisses before grabbing both ears and hauling Rarity in. “Oh, R-Rares!” Pinkie trembled. “I th-thought you m-must hate me after all of th-this!” She kissed again, working her way to Rarity’s lips. “I thought for sure you’d be really nice about it, but you’d tell me that we should probably just be friends after all. And I’d try s-super hard to smile for you, but it’d be all shaky and bad-feeling instead of true.”
“Why on earth would you even think that? I keep telling you, this whole mess was my fault! I… if anything I am horrible for you, for goodness sake. Look at the state I’ve reduced you to.” Rarity reached around Pinkie’s barrel, hugging her tightly to herself. “You are my light, and I fear I may extinguish you with all the misery I seem to spread. That’s... that’s why I told you to find somepony else. But... I can’t even give you up properly. I...I shouldn’t be so horribly needy.” Rarity’s glanced at her own hooves, her face flush as she realized her actions were not matching her words at all and dropped them quickly. “Sorry. I’ll... I’ll try harder.”
Rubbing a hoof over her eyes, Pinkie wiped ineffectually at the streaming tears there. Rings of matted fur had turned her into Equestria’s saddest raccoon. She threw her hooves around Rarity and squeezed. “Don’t try harder. Try softer. Cuddlier.” Still sniffling, she snuggled her cheek against Rarity’s, then kissed the corner of her mouth. “I was so scared, Rarity. I thought for sure you’d throw me away, but that was a mean thing for me to think. I should have known you’d be so much better than that. I’m sorry, Rares. I’m sorry about lots of stuff today, but I’m sorriest about that. I want us to be forever-together, and I wanna go on that ride right now!”
Rarity opened her mouth to protest that she was anything but better... But then closed it again without doing so. She knew the truth, how wonderful Pinkie was, but Pinkie would never see it, and that was part her charm. All she could do was return the embrace, even if she felt horribly selfish in doing so. “Then right now it shall be. Let me up, we’ll go straight away.”
“There! There they are! Thanks the sisters we’ve found you at last!” A breathless unicorn stallion in a somewhat threadbare tuxedo jacket galloped to them, flanked by a half dozen park employees and photographers. “We’ve been simply everywhere! The owner is beside herself!”
“Give her our regrets, and our good riddances!” Rarity snapped, scrambling up to her hooves. “I think you and yours have done enough damage, thank you.” She swept a hoof at the photographers angrily. “Put those things away or I swear to Celestia I will put them in places you will not like!”
The stallion pulled up short and grimaced at a rather harried-seeming mare piled high with photography equipment. The stallion sighed heavily when she just shrugged. “Miss,” he said, turning back to Rarity, “We’re in a bit of a spot, you see. I don’t doubt that you’d prefer to leave, but those pictures simply will not do! We can’t publish an achievement of that magnitude when they are marred with the very thing we’re purporting to have avoided. Yes, the accomplishment would technically still stand since you were off the ride, but the owner doesn’t care for the visual. It would turn us all into a laughingstock.” His forehooves trembled slightly as they twisted around one another. “So… so if you’d consent to a re-shoot, we’d be most appreciative. Perhaps we could throw in a couple of season passes?” He stared at the two mares, his eyes wide and beseeching.
“You...” It took a moment for the meaning of his words to sink in, and during that time her expression shifted wildly between anger, confusion, and disbelief. “You want to retake the photos?” She demanded, her mood settling firmly on annoyed. She had wanted to move to another country or live the rest of her life in a sewer for fear of the public shame these ponies had caused her, and now they wanted to—
Wait, wait wait wait! That’s... that’s a good thing for me, isn’t it?
Pinkie’s eyes were fully dilated, and she was drooling just a bit when she turned to Rarity. “Season passes, Rares…”
Despite their offer to fix everything after the fact, Rarity was still fuming that she had undergone such a horrible experience to begin with. “Do you have any notion what we went through? I was planning to move to Minos and make pants, for Celestia’s sake!”
“We understand—”
“No, no I don’t think you do. You just know that your employer is going to be embarrassed, and now you’re worried, but where was this level of care then? Pants, sir. I don’t even know how to design such things!”
Pinkie swayed slowly from side to side, her eyes unfocused. “I could ride The Powerdive every day! ‘Oh, gosh!’ I’ll say, ‘I’ve got a whole hour before I have to go hang out with Twilight. I guess I’ll go ride The Powerdive.’ ‘Oh, look! Fifteen minutes before bedtime! Maybe I’ll trot over to The Powerdive! Why not? I’ve got a season pass.’”
“Well... I can understand your concern—”
“I was going to train rats!” Rarity said, stomping down her hoof loudly. “I wasn’t certain how to get my cat not to eat them but I was going to try!”
“... I could just walk into the park, and then back out again. For hours. Just in and out...”
The unicorn was beginning to look very flustered. “Ma’am, I assure you, nopony will have to train rats—”
“And all of that for a t-shirt! Well, let me tell you, I am tempted to have a word with a few reporters myself. The headline would be ‘I was put through Tartarus and all I got was a lousy—’”
“... Or I could just stick my tail and a hoof in, but leave the rest of me out. It’d be like the Hokey Pokey, but for a park! The Harky Parky! A new dance craze for season pass holders and all their trained rats…”
“What if we gave you lifetime passes?” The representative said desperately.
“Lifetime?” was all that Pinkie managed before falling over into a dead faint.
The park manager’s body twitched in several directions at once. His hooves reached out for Pinkie while his nervous eyes flicked over to Rarity to gauge her reaction. This was somewhat hampered by his rear hooves, which insisted on backing away from the horribly confusing situation he’d found himself in the middle of. In the end, he elected to keep his distance when Rarity looked ready to bite him. “Um... lifetime passes, a-and complimentary food?”
“Lifetime…” Pinkie mumbled, her eyes rolling beneath their lids. Her back leg twitched several times before she rolled over and snuggled up to Rarity’s hoof. Moments later, she was snoring.
Rarity stared him down for a moment longer, then finally dropped her gaze. “That’s a start. But we’re going to need to get cleaned up if you expect the reshoot to go well.”
“Of course—”
“I’m not done.” Rarity said calmly as she checked Pinkie to make certain she wasn’t going to swallow her tongue. “There were some very talented face-painters who I would like to work their magic once again. Fetch them.”
“We can do that.” He said quickly, motioning for a couple of the employees to go find the face-painters. “If you’ll just come with me—”
“We’ll join you shortly.” Rarity picked Pinkie up in a firepony’s carry, nodding to the remainder of the park employees. “I promised her we would ride in Cadence’s Caverns. We’ll be glad to go wherever you wish, afterwards.”
“But...” One look at Rarity’s expression was enough to cow him anew. “I’ll send an employee ahead to make sure you bypass the lines.”
“Thank you, sir. You are a true gentlepony, and I will be sure to say so during the shoot. Now, if you’ll excuse us.” Without waiting for a response, Rarity walked past them in the direction of the Caverns.
Bumping along on Rarity’s back, Pinkie let out a loud yawn, stretched, then rubbed her eyes. “Rares, you’re not going to believe the weird dream I just had. We both went to this park, and you didn’t like it, but you did like some of it, like the funnel cake. Then we…”
Rarity simply kept trodding forward, laughter bubbling up in little giggles. She had done it. Somehow, she had won through in the end. She felt Pinkie bump into her back, and amended: They had done it. Together.
~~~
“Well, shoot! You kinda made out like a bandit there, didn’t ya?” Applejack said, lifting her glass of cider in a silent toast.
“I suppose, in the end, yes.” Rarity replied. “The owner was terribly apologetic about the whole ordeal, and while she wasn’t thrilled that her manager had given so many concessions... Pinkie practically abased herself in front of the poor mare, and she decided to extend the lifetime pass offers to the rest of the riders who were present, for their trouble.”
“Still not seein’ what was so bad about it all.”
“It wasn’t all bad,” Rarity admitted. “Actually, Cadence’s Caverns was very pleasant.”
“I’ll just bet!” Applejack replied, letting out an appreciative chuckle. “Heck, sounds like a hoot. Might have to drag Dash and Twi there sometime. We kinda skipped the datin’ part. Things got hot and heavy real quick.”
“Have a care for poor Twilight. She gets nauseous from her own flight.”
“Yeah, well, I can always have her cheer us on. Wouldn’t be the first time she just watched.”
“Yes, well... that’s nice.” Rarity replied, her face flushed with embarrassment. “In any case, yes, the park is quite charming, provided you have the right company. But I would avoid eating anything before you brave the rougher rides.”
“Well, that’s just common sense, Rarity.”
Rarity rolled her eyes, picking up another shot in her magic and swallowing it in one gulp. “Sense is hardly common, in my experience, but I certainly know not to make the same mistake in the future.”
“Awww, no more Powerdive for you and Pinkie? That’s a real shame.”
“Ha!” The row of shot glasses grew by one more. “Hardly. We’ve been several times. I just avoid fried foods beforehoof.”
“Scuze me.”
Rarity looked up from the smooth wood surface of the bar, smiling at Berry Punch. “Yes, darling?”
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I was supposed to close up a while back. Are you two ready to go?” Berry glanced meaningfully at the clock, at which point Rarity realized they’d been talking for hours.
“Oh, sorry, Berry. I suppose... I suppose I am ready.” She stood up just a little unsteadily, nodding to her friend. “Applejack, thank you for your company. I suppose I should fetch Pinkie and go home.” Rarity laid out a sum of bits, adding a generous amount as a tip for Berry.
“Mind if I come along?” Applejack said, hopping off the barstool looking fresh as a daisy despite having matched Rarity shot for shot. “I figure Shy’ll be calmed down by now. Maybe you two can have another go at making up.”
Rarity hesitated for a long moment. “It’s... it’s a thought, but I don’t think I’ll risk it tonight. I’ve just barely washed the taste of hoof from my mouth.”
“Well, you can’t buck an apple before its time,” Applejack said genially as she opened the door for Rarity, “but if you leave it on the tree for too long, it’ll go rotten.” She winked at Rarity, then bumped her friend lightly with her hip. “And if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a rotten apple. I’d sure hate to see that between the two of you.”
“We’ll... we’ll get there, eventually. But for now, let’s go see how they are.” Rarity stepped out the door, stumbled, and just barely caught herself by grasping wildly for Applejack’s neck. “Errr, sorry, darling.”
Applejack just rolled her eyes, bearing up easily under their combined weight. “C’mon, lightweight, let’s get you back to fetch Pinkie so she can get you in bed.”