A real Puzzler! Blimey, that's what this is, a real puzzler!
'Allo friends, Puzzler's my name, and it's really great to meet you all! I'm Ponyville's resident puzzle solver and detective, I am! There's no mystery I can't solve, and I'll have a jolly good time while doing it! There's no enigma I can't unravel, and no brain twister I can't straighten out. If you ever need some missing object found, or some unanswered question answered, I'm the pony you come to! Just look for the white mare withe the puzzle piece and magnifying glass cutie mark... the one who lives in the cottage with Puzzle pieces painted all over it, it's kind of o' hard to miss.
Now, I'm a detective pony of the old school- none of this bloomin' Shadow Spade nonsense in those trashy detective novels they read outside of Ponyville! But there are few real crimes to solve here in this pleasant little community, and I'm left with such wonderful head scratchers like who ate Pinkie Pie's cookies, or where Sweetberry lost her oven mitts. So it's actually a real pleasure to sometimes get an actually INTERESTING puzzle come across my desk! And this was one of those interesting little puzzlers...
It was was a pretty bright and cheerful day, I had just spent a wonderful morning at Twinkle Twirl's dance studio, where she had just been teaching me some jolly good dance moves, and a wonderful afternoon at Sew and Sew's trying on her dresses and accessories. I was on my way home when Dancing Daffodil, one of the breezies, came flying up to me. It seemed to me she was a tad agitated, as the tiny bundle of energy was zipping around over my head in a panic.
"Oh, Puzzlemint! I'm so glad I found you!" The energetic little sprite cried out, flying around in circles so fast, my eyes couldn't bloomin' keep up with her. "Hurry, you have to come to the castle at once! It's an emergency! A real Emergency!"
"Now calm yourself down Daffodil, stop rocketing around like a bloke who's had too much sugar!" I exclaimed, gently catching the flustered breezie between my two front hooves. "Now, what are you going on about? Is something amiss at the castle?"
"Ohhh, it's worse than amiss! It's simply terrible!" The little sprite explained, trying to catch her breath. "Princess Wysteria wants you to come to the castle right away! Something TERRIBLE has happened!"
Dancing Daffodil then quickly zoomed away, and I sigh as I begin trotting towards the castle. Breezies are such daft little things; amazingly cute creatures, but easily excitable and the very definition of airhead. Wysteria probably needs help putting up a tapestry; that's about the extent of a Breezie's 'emergency'.
As I approach Celebration castle, I can't help but admire this wonderful place, as I always do. It's a really big pink castle that stands at the very center of Ponyville; with a drawbridge and everything! It's supposed to have been built for the princess of Friendship long ago, but we Ponyville ponies have just used it for parties and town dances for as long as I can remember. That is, until lucky little Wysteria found a magic flower under the castle, and got herself named Princess of Ponyville. Now, that fortunate little princess lives in a castle with all sorts of Princessy things, and Breezie servants waiting on her hoof and foot, and-
No, I'm not jealous, not really. Wysteria is the kindest and most gentle soul among us ponies, second only to Queen Starcatcher, she is. She even named us all princesses at the Spring Promenade, though that was only a gesture of kindness. Such a selfless pony is the perfect ruler of Ponyville, and she makes a far better princess than any of the rest of us would.
As I crossed the drawbridge and entered the grand chamber, Wysteria was there waiting for me, a jolly good smile on her face.
"Hello, your 'highness, Jolly good to see you!" I greeted her with a low bow. "I heard you're having some trouble 'ere?"
"Oh Puzzlemint, I'm so glad you could make it!" The Princess of Ponyville exclaimed, returning the bow with a nod of her head. "My breezies in waiting lost my royal regalia throughout the castle, and I need you to find them! Do you think you're up to it?"
"Blimey, it's sounds like a jolly fun scavenger hunt! I'd be glad to help out!" I trot on past her, deep into the castle's interior. "I'll find your princess things in a jiff! Cheerio till then!"
And so, I wandered off into celebration castle, trotting though it's endless labyrinth of gardens, corridors, and passageways. I can't believe how big this place is; it must have over a thousand rooms, by my reckoning. As a little filly, I used to slip away from me mum when we went to market, then sneak into the castle and wander around like this. Getting lost in the hedge maze garden, activating the secret passageways and revolving bookcases scattered throughout the place. It was these mysteries that got me interested in puzzles and riddles in the first place, showing me the special talent behind the cutie mark I was born with.
As I wander through the rooms, I find pieces of the royal regalia the breezies had scattered about; a jeweled crown here, a glass slipper there. But as I trot from room to room, I notice curious items stored all over the place. Hanging in one closet is six old but beautiful looking dresses, with the label 'from our first year at the gala' taped on each hanger. On a shelf in the ballroom are a bunch of trophies, with one reading 'manehatten fashion show-first place' and another reading 'Cloudsdale flyer's competition-first place, Rainbow Dash.'
Well, what an absurd notion that was, Rainbow Dash can't fly! She's an earth pony, not a Pegasus! I was just thinking this when I came around a corner, and was surprised by a loud BOOM! A burst of light and colour sent me flying back into the wall, covering me in confetti and streamers.
"What the bloody 'ell?!" I called out in anger in frustration, picking myself up off the floor and dusting my coat off with my hooves. "Did those bloomin breezies set booby traps in 'ere?!"
"That was a party cannon, milady. I'm afraid they're hidden all over the castle." A voice from behind me grumbled. "We never were able to find all of the ones she hid around this place."
I turned around to see a small, blue scaly form about the size of a full-grown pony standing there. Now, anybody else might have been frighted by the sight of a dragon standing in front of them, but I knew who this was right away. Even though I had never met him before, this was Spike the Dragon, Wysteria's royal adviser that she had found sleeping under the castle.
"Well, hello there, mister dragon!" I greeted him, a smile on my face. "Fancy a pony running into you here in a jolly good place like this."
"Ahhh, you must be Puzzlemint, Wysteria said you'd be looking around here!" The dragon replied politely, bowing and kissing my hoof. "I am master Kengroth Glispottum Heathspike; but you may call me Spike, for short." He shook his scaly head. "You'll have to pardon the state of the Castle, I haven't had much time to clean it recently."
"I can understand that, being how bloomin' big this place is, and all!" I agree, looking around at the castle in awe. "It's amazing how wonderful this place is, and makes you wonder about who must have lived here!"
"Oh, I don't wonder about that question at all, my little Pony." The dragon replied, an air of wistfulness filling his voice. "She was a good friend to everypony around her, and it's a tragedy nobody in Ponyville remembers her now."
"Are you talkin about the Princess of friendship? Don't be daft, bringin' up old filly tales!" I laughed, waving a hoof at him dismissively. "A dragon your age is far to old for that!"
"I suppose you're right." He replied with a sigh. Reaching into his belt satchel, he pulled out a small key. "This is the castle's skeleton key, it'll help you get into secret passages and corridors that are still locked."
"Why thank you, mister dragon!" I call out, happily bounding away as I took the key with me. "But what about-" But when I turned around to look at him again, Spike was gone.
With the aid of the key, I was easily able to find the rest of Wysteria things, and return them to her. Afterward, she let me sit on her throne and put her crown on my head, letting me pretend to be a princess before I continued on my way. Afterward, I trotted my way over towards Breezie Blossom, where I gave those mischievous little pixies a stern talking to about losing important things... all while they played hide and go seek with me in a bunch of flowers. *sigh*
You know, there are few mysteries in Ponyville I cannot solve- why Cotton Candy talks on and on so much, what that stinky cologne my boyfriend wears when we're on a date Saturday night (seriously, what the bloody 'ell is WRONG with that stallion!?) But the one mystery that still perplexes me is, who truly lived in that castle? What kind of pony was she? Did she have any friends? What did she like to do for fun?
It's a real puzzler to me, my fellow little ponies, a jolly good real puzzler.