//------------------------------// // 2. When You Dream // Story: Your Own Worst Enemy // by Distaff Pope //------------------------------//         I floated through a familiar blue fog, shivering and sweating simultaneously as specks of light drifted around me. I’d been here before, but–         “You’re not supposed to be here,” a voice said from the darkness, as the fog formed into a familiar midnight-blue silhouette.         “Oh, hey, Luna,” I said, waving a hoof. That explained the blue star stuff around me, but what about–         “...patient may have sustained severe brain damage. Results of the MagScan show…”         “What’s that?” I asked, tilting my head at her as she trotted closer to me. A hundred ponies pressed against me, moaning in time to the beat of–  I jumped back to the safety of the blue dreamscape. No other ponies here. No parties. No– I retched and curled up into the fetal position. It was a lot harder to do without a hard floor, and I wound up kind of drifting in a ball. The cold I’d been feeling sank deeper as I spun in slow circles. I needed Joy. I needed something to keep me from remembering and feeling like I was about to die.         “Sweetie… Sweetie… I need you to listen to me,” Luna said, pinning me to the invisible ground and staring down at me. “Something happened to you in that penthouse. Something that broke your mind, and almost killed you.”         I shut my eyes tight, trying to drown out the images of the red living room. Guilty. “What are you going to do to me?” I asked, peeking one eye open and trying to squirm away from her.         “What I can to mend the damage,” she said, frowning at me. “The doctors may treat the physical, but I’m better suited to mend the spiritual damage than they. They can’t move through the dreaming as easily as I… or you, I fear.”         What was going on? Why was she being so nice to me? I was useless. Worse than useless. Useless ponies didn’t go around hurting everypony else. I struggled to get air into my lungs fast enough. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. The world around Luna and me shifted to images of Twilight’s courtroom.         “A lifetime of loneliness!” Judge Twilight Sparkle said.         “A lifetime of misery!” Rarity said.         “A lifetime of being hated!” Scootaloo said.         “Enough!” Luna yelled, lighting her horn up and banishing the courtroom back into nothing. “Sweetie, you can’t listen to these nightmarish apparitions. They aren’t real. Nopony hates you… Nopony who cares about you hates you. Rarity and Scootaloo love you as much as they ever did. Would a pony who hated you rescue you from that hell you made for yourself in that apartment?”         The orange blur bursting into the living room and jamming something into my neck. “That was real?” I asked, ears flat against my skull. “I thought it was just…” Actually, I didn’t have any thoughts about what it was. I didn’t have that many thoughts then. I wiped sweat off my forehead. How could I be sweating when it was so cold in here?         Luna nodded. “It was. I was sending a contingent of my guards to intercept you, and somehow she knew she needed to be there. I gave her a crystal charged with a spell that would render you unconscious, so you could safely be transplanted to a hospital room I’d prepared.”         “But… why would any of you care? The penthouse is what I deserved.”         “Sweetie Belle, nopony deserves that. Certainly not a mare as good as you,” Luna said, moving to stroke my mane. A hundred lips pressed against every inch of my body...         “Stay away!” I shouted, recoiling from both of them. The lips vanished and Luna just looked at me like I was a crazy mare. I was a crazy mare. “Sorry,” I said, rubbing my shoulder. “I… guess I don’t like being touched. Also, I don’t know if  you saw that much during my nightmare, but I’m not that good a pony anymore.”         “Sweetie, a mare can do bad things and still be a good mare.” She glanced away into the fog. “I spent many months learning that lesson. You made mistakes, but you can atone for them, Sweetie. You can be more than the mare you were,” Luna said as the fog around the both of us thickened.         “You really think anypony can forgive me?” I asked, looking down at my forehooves. “After everything I’ve done?”         She smiled at me. “Why don’t you wake up and see for yourself? We can talk more about your recovery later.”         “Wait,” I said, chasing after her as the fog surrounded us both. How could she be getting further away without moving? “How come you didn’t help me until now?”         She stopped fading away and the fog vanished. “That poison Deep Sleep removed your mind from the Dreaming, and before that… Entering the mind of a Dreamer who doesn’t desire outside help is a rule I swore to never break again.” Her eyes went white and a gust of wind blew me back into the blackness. “Now go. We will speak when you next sleep again. Other matters in the Dreaming need my attention.” ♪♪♪         Beep.         My whole body ached, and that stupid beeping wasn’t helping. The cold sweat from the dream was about a hundred times worse now that I was awake, I wanted to vomit, and my whole body stung. The lash of a whip. Was that the dream? Why did I feel like my whole body was filled with cotton? I tried not to gag.         Beep.         The beep sent another spike into my head. How could I hurt even worse? I needed Joy. I needed Joy and all the other drugs that kept me from falling apart. You’re useless without them.         Beep.         My hoof reached out for my nightstand and brushed against something warm and furry. I opened my eyes, and the face from my nightmares stared down at me. Go to Tartarus. It smiled down at me with bloodshot eyes.         “You’re up,” the orange pegasus said, giving me a tired smile. “Was kind of getting tired of waiting. How’re you feeling?”         “Would it be too dramatic for me to say I feel like I’m discovering whole new levels of awfulness?” I asked, shivering. The whole world felt muted, like I was watching one of those old-timey films that had all the color bleached from them. Even Scootaloo looked more dull brown than orange.         Scootaloo nodded. “A little bit, but after the last couple of days, I guess you’re entitled to some drama” Did I really want to see what I looked like right now? If it was ten percent as bad as I felt, I’d look like a rotten corpse. “So…”         “I’m sorry,” I whimpered, the look of absolute hatred she gave me the last time we saw each other filling my vision. Go to Tartarus. A sob ripped through my throat. “I’m so sorry, I know you hate me forever, and… Why did you save me? After what I did to you?”                  She scrunched her face up. “And just why would I hate you forever? We’re best friends. You being a complete psycho for a few years doesn’t change that.” I winced. “Sorry.”         “It’s fine,” I said, shaking my head. “I deserve pretty much any bad thing you can say about me. After…” Guilty. “I saw that look on your face the last time we saw each other. When we were backstage after the Canterlot show. You don’t have to act nice to me just because you feel bad.”         Scootaloo sighed and shook her head. “Sweetie, I wasn’t mad at you, I was… Twilight told me about this thing called silent casting. Are you kind of familiar with it?”         I nodded, and immediately wished I hadn’t as the whole world kicked me in the stomach. “Ye– Yeah, a lot of theater ponies use it to keep from drawing attention to the magic.” Why was Scootaloo suddenly looking so melty? Her skin was drifting downwards and... Her skin was melting off! It bubbled and hissed and exposed the bone underneath her.         “Help! Nurse!” I screamed, moving away from her, desperate not to get any of her skin or fur on me. “My– Her skin is melting!”         “Sweetie, I’m fine,” Scootaloo said, now just a walking skeleton. “It’s… All those drugs you were taking messed with your head, and the doctors said you’d probably have some hallucinations for a while. They have some pills that might cut down on that, though.”         A white unicorn with red mane burst into my room. Did all nurses have to be some type of white and red? Did they have to have a spell cast on them to look right? When she went home, was she cream and turquoise? “You’re awake!” She smiled at me, a spark exploding in her eye for a second before going back to being professional-looking. “How are you feeling?” At least the red cross cutie mark, that definitely had to be part of the uniform. Why?         I pointed a hoof at Scootaloo. “She’s normal-looking, right? Not a walking skeleton?”         The nurse shook her head and frowned. “She looks fine to me. I take it that...” She sniffed. What was up with her? Had she not seen sick ponies before? Was this, like, her first day on the job? Her face went grim. “I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake, and that you’re having hallucinations, just as predicted.” She and Scootaloo’s melted skeleton traded looks before the nurse left the room. I stared at Scootaloo and did my best to focus. If I strained just right, I could see the normal-looking mare beneath the skeleton. I nodded and collapsed back onto my pillow.         “It’s that bad?” I asked. The orange puddle at her hooves was slowly climbing back up her, while black tendrils started oozing down the wall furthest from me. Great. Wonderful. I needed constant hallucinations to remind me how terrible I was, because the aching pain, cold, and sweating just weren’t enough. A pang in my stomach. Just a few pills could take this all away. Just enough that I wouldn’t feel bad anymore.         “It’s not good,” Scootaloo said as the nurse trotted out of the room, a black spectre following after her. Did she know the Grim Reaper was shadowing her? Probably. They were probably here for me. “But the important thing is you’re out of there and we can start fixing things.”         “Yay,” I said, sinking deeper into the bed. She thought I could be fixed. That was so funny, I almost laughed. Years since you last laughed, not counting the laughing madness in the penthouse. Overripe tomato splatting down on asphalt. I shuddered at the memory. No, laughter and I weren’t on the best of terms. “Why don’t you just go? You don’t have to waste time on me just because we used to be friends.”         She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Sweetie, if I have to tell you I’m still your friend again, I’m gonna get kind of upset. We are friends, and that means I’m totally cool with spending time to help you get better.”         But useless fillies don’t get to be better. They get shut up in penthouses with enough drugs to last them the rest of their life so they don’t have to think about how miserable and broken they are. “Useless mare,” Bright Lights whispered in my ear. “You’re nothing without me. Less than nothing. I’m the only good thing in your life.”         “I know!” I snapped, covering my ears with my hooves. “I know I’m useless, you don’t have to keep reminding me about it.”         “Uhmm… Sweetie, who are you talking to?” Scootaloo asked, raising a concerned eyebrow. Oh, Celestia, she thought I was crazy. I was crazy. And useless. Crazy useless filly.         “You didn’t hear Bright Lights just then, I guess?” I asked, looking up at her. Right, hallucinations, so I could have Bright Lights with me all the time. Just in case I forget how terrible I am.         Scootaloo shook her head. “We really need to get you on those meds.” Why? I already had plenty of medicine in my apartment. Keeps me hap– Keeps me content. Keeps the nightmares away. What could be better?         “Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, taking a deep breath. “There were a lot of drugs in your apartment. Like… I didn’t even know most of those existed, and something’s been kind of bugging me since then. Back… the last time when we saw each other, Bright Lights said something about all the Joy she could bring you, and… is that why you went with her? Because she threatened to take away your drugs if you left?”         I nodded, and Scootaloo’s jaw clenched. “Great, another reason why I should kill her if I see her again. That’s– I’m assuming she’s the one who got you onto the drugs in the first place?” More nodding.         “That was one of the reasons,” I said, slowly. Go to Tartarus. “There was– I saw how much you hated me then. How much I’d hurt you, and… you couldn’t even say anything to me. I don’t blame you, not after what I’d–”         “Sweetie, I didn’t say anything because Bright Lights used her magic to paralyze me. That’s why I looked so angry, because I was this close to having my best friend back and she just ruined it all,” Scootaloo said, cutting me off. She gave me a smile and put her hoof on my cheek. Bright Lights straddled me, honey dripping from her and bonding us together. I screamed.         “Get away!” I shouted, jumping back from Scootaloo and Bright Lights and pressing against the railings of my bed. “Please, just leave me al–” Bright Lights vanished, leaving behind a crazy mare. Crazy useless mare. “Sorry,” I said, giving Scootaloo a tiny smile. “I don’t like being touched anymore. Bad memories, you know.”         Scootaloo shook her head and mumbled something that sounded like angry threats to kill Bright Lights. “I didn’t do this to you, Sweetie,” Bright Lights’ voice whispered to me. “No, you proved more than willing to ruin yourself. You can’t blame me for taking care of such a pathetic mare. Would you have preferred it if I left you to die?”         “You did leave me to die,” I whispered to the imaginary voice. “Or what would you call the penthouse?”         “Sweetie, there’s nothing here. It’s just you and me,” Scootaloo said. “Can you tell me what you’re seeing?”         “Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “I mean, there are a bunch of screaming faces on the wall.” I pointed a hoof at the offending wall, and Scootaloo looked from me to it. “Then there’s Bright Lights whispering in my head about how useless I am. That’s… Sorry, I know she’s not really here. Beyond that, though, I don’t think I have any other hallucinations at the moment. You even have your skin back.”         Scootaloo winced and closed her eyes as somepony knocked on the door. “I hope I’m not interrupting,” a grey stallion with a white mane said as he walked into the room. “Nurse Rare Heart told me you were up, and I thought I’d check in on you.” His eyes flicked down to the chart in front of him. “I have to say, it’s not every day we get ponies in here under the personal protection of the crown. Or promises to try us for treason if we talk to anypony in the press.”         “Sorry,” I said, frowning. “I don’t want to be a problem, you can just let me go if you want.”         “Alright,” Scootaloo said, taking a deep breath. “I’m gonna go out for a walk. Sweetie, I’m not mad at you, not even a bit, so don’t think that, I’m just really upset.” She looked at the doctor. “You won’t leave her alone while I’m gone, right, Doc?”         He nodded as Scootaloo trotted to the door. “I’ll make sure somepony keeps an eye on her if we finish before you return.” He gave her a quick smile as the door closed. “Well, what are we going to do with a mare as broken and useless as you, Sweetie Belle?”         “What?” I asked, pressing as far away from him as I could in my bed. He was right though, wasn’t he? Bright Lights was always telling me–         “I said, you’re very lucky to be here, Sweetie Belle,” he said, frowning and trotting closer to me. “You were in critical condition when we got you, and your brain had developed several prominent abnormalities. I don’t think I’ve even seen some of these before. How do you think Grey Matter’s Growth sounds? You know, when I publish your case study.”         “You know what would sound even better?” I asked, trying not to frown at him. “Not having any weird things in my head.”         He nodded. “Yes, I can see how that would be preferable for everypony involved, but at least your condition will advance the boundaries of scientific understanding.” That was a pretty small comfort. Sure, you’re dying, but you’re dying in a really interesting way. Nopony’s died like you will.         “Hmm, it looks like you’re good for something after all,” Bright Lights said. “Still broken, but fascinatingly so.”         “Shut up,” I whispered. “If you can’t say anything nice, just leave me alone.”         “Excuse me?” the doctor said, looking down his glasses at me. “Did you say something?”         “Just… Is it crazy that I’m talking to one of my hallucinations?” I asked before shaking my head. “Of course it is, I’m having hallucinations, that’s the definition of crazy.” Crazy useless broken thing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “So, you think you can fix this?” I pointed a hoof at my head.         The doctor tapped his clipboard. “While I don’t have a complete treatment devised, there are some medications we can give you that might reduce the frequency and severity of the hallucinations – although, again, I’ve never seen some of the abnormalities present in your brain before. You might wind up being more famous with the neuroscientist community than you are  with the general populace.” He laughed at his little joke. I didn’t.         “Yeah, that’s–” I shut my eyes as the room spun wildly around. Colors exploded beneath my eyelids and I retched over the side of the railing. “Anything you can do to make me feel less awful?”         I heard somepony enter the room and start cleaning up the mess next to my bed. “We might. We have some treatments to reduce the physical symptoms of withdrawal, anyway. But nothing for the mental dependency, I’m afraid, except good old-fashioned willpower.” Willpower? I was doomed. The last time I did something I didn’t want to– You’ve never done something you didn’t want to. You’re the most selfish, hedonistic pony in all of Equestria. Was that Bright Lights’ voice or mine? Did it matter? Either way, it was true.         “So, drugs to keep me from hearing and seeing things, and drugs to keep me from wanting other drugs,” I said, opening my eyes and trying to decide if I should frown or laugh. “Am I going to be taking more pills now than I was before?”         “I can’t speak for that with any certainty,” he said, tapping a hoof against the floor, “but you will have to be more… judicious when managing your medications than you were before. We’ll have a nurse help get you on a schedule while you’re here, though.”         “And how long is that going to be?” I asked.         “Until we believe you’re not a danger to yourself,” he said.         “So, never, got it,” I said, chewing at my lip. Maybe that was good, though. In here, I couldn’t hurt anypony else. Who knows, maybe Scootaloo might even keep visiting until she realizes just how dumb and useless I am.         “Now, Sweetie, pessimism never got a pony anywhere. I’m sure you’ll be ready for release in no time, but we can talk about that as the day approaches. For now, can I or one of the nurses get you anything?” the doctor asked.         I did have to laugh at that. Pessimism might not get you anything, but optimism costs an awful lot. You stupid useless filly. “Sorry,” I said as the laughter finally finished. “I… you just reminded me of a really funny in-joke.”         “I see,” he said, levelling his eyes on me. “Well, if you need anything else, just do Equestria a favor and jump out that window.”         “What?” I asked, jumping up in my bed. “Why would you–?” I took a deep breath. Hallucinations, right. “You didn’t just tell me to go jump out a window, did you?”         The doctor shook his head. “No, I told you to try to get some rest, and that you should hit that buzzer if you need anything. If you hear a voice urging you to harm yourself, ignore it, and I’ll see about getting those pills to you.”         “Sweetie Belle,” the nurse cleaning up my sickness said as the doctor trotted out of the room. “It hurts seeing you in so much anguish. Do you know what might cheer you up?” Was she still here? I thought she’d left a minute ago.         “Uhmm… undoing the last three years of my life?” I asked. “Getting a chance to just be with my friends again and not have everypony hate me?”         She laughed, and a shiver ran up my spine. No, it couldn’t have been that laugh, she’d left me. I shouldn’t have to hear that voice ever again. “Oh, we all should have a lot of things, Sweetie. You should be alone and reviled by everypony who meets you, but instead you have me to keep you content and happy.” She looked up at me, and I recoiled from the pink eyes that had spent the last three years telling me what to do. Of course they had. Useless ponies need somepony to tell them what to do.  “How about I get you some Joy, and I promise you’ll feel so much better.”         My hoof struck out at her, and she just drifted away. Always right out of my reach. “Why am I still seeing you? You’re not even here and you’re still trying to ruin my life. What’d I ever do to you?”         Bright Lights tsked and shook her head. “Sweetie, I didn’t ruin your life. I never forced you to do anything. You chose to take Joy, you chose to abandon your friends for fame in the city, you chose to almost overdose on drugs up in that penthouse.” She smiled. “All your misery is self-inflicted.” She leaned in and whispered into my ears. “I was the only thing keeping all that pain from catching up with you, so don’t blame me for your problems, you broken useless mare.” Bright Lights kissed my cheek and I felt like I was going to vomit all over again. “Besides, we both know you never had as much fun as you did at one of your little parties pumped up on every drug you could get your greedy little hooves on.”         “Shut up!” I yelled, throwing a pillow that just sailed through her. “You’re not even real, so stop telling me what I do and don’t want. Just go away.”         Bright Lights sighed and shook her head. “Of course I’m real, Sweetie. I’m you. I’m the you that knows the truth of how bad off we really are. You’ll be happier if you come back to me. I can make all those nasty nightmares go away.”         I curled up into a ball and sobbed. If I shut my eyes hard enough, I wouldn’t have to see her. “Just… go away.”         “Uhmm… I’m not going anywhere, Sweetie,” another voice said. Scootaloo? She came back? She’d be better off if she hadn’t. I opened my eyes and she was sitting right next to my bed. Right where I’d... “So… Want to talk about anything?”         I sniffled back my tears and raised an eyebrow at her. At least Bright Lights was gone.  “Like what?”         “Well, I don’t know. I figured it would be good if we didn’t talk about recent stuff, but I don’t know what else there is to talk about. See any good hallucinations lately?”         I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Not unless you count weird screaming walls, ponies having their skin melt off, and the ghost of everything you’ve ever done wrong haunting you as ‘good’. Honestly, compared to the penthouse, though…”         “Yeah, that place looked like a horror show. Between your weird dancing, the broken… everything, and the bloodstains in the carpet, not exactly a fun place for me. I can’t imagine what it was like for you,” Scootaloo said, frowning at me. Just like that, the tiny moment of not-complete misery was gone.         “Honestly, I don’t know either. It was like I was watching me watch it happen. I don’t think I actually felt anything.” I looked at the heavy bandages wrapped around my left hoof and barrel. The vodka bottle was real, then. “I don’t even know how to really describe it, just… I guess… you know when you have a nightmare and there are all these holes in the world, but you don’t really notice them because you’re trapped in the dream logic? Like that, I guess.”         “Sounds…” She shook her head. “At least you’re out of there, now. So, what do you want to talk about? I’m up for pretty much anything.”         I blinked. I definitely didn’t want to talk about me. Useless mare. Really, there was only one thing I wanted to hear about right now. “Ponyville. How’s everypony?” I smiled up at her. “How’ve you been?”         Scootaloo’s eyes lit up. “Oh! Ponyville, yeah, well, everypony’s doing–”         There was a knock on the door and the nurse trotted in carrying a tray of pills before we could respond. “Your medicine.” Her horn lit up and two cups floated towards me. The big one was filled with water, and the smaller one had seven pills in. “Take these, please.”         I nodded and grabbed both cups with my magic. Two little green capsules, a pink diamond, an orange circle, a bigger orange circle, a yellow capsule, and a giant blue diamond. “How am I supposed to swallow this?” I asked, raising the last pill up.         “With a lot of water,” she said. “Also, try to set it up so the pointed end goes down first. It’s less fun getting it down sideways.” Like she’d ever had to take a pill this big. It took three swallows of water to get the beast down. “Is there anything else you need, Sweetie?”         I shook my head. She stared at me for a minute, eyes lingering on every nick, cut, bruise, and bandage before shaking her head and heading for the door.         “Anyways,” Scootaloo said as the nurse trotted out of the room. “It’s been a while since I’ve vacationed over there, but last time I checked, everypony was doing fine. The Apples have had some pretty massive crops lately, thanks to Apple Bloom’s potions. She and Life Bloom are both taking master’s-level classes at the Academy. They still haven’t figured out how to replicate that intelligence potion they gave you, though.”         Right, that potion. Felt like I’d taken it a lifetime ago, but at the same time… Where would I be if I hadn’t taken it? It couldn’t be worse, could it? The beginning of the end. “Maybe it’s for the best. I could see pretty much everything, and look where I ended up.”         “About that,” Scootaloo said, her wings flicking. “You don’t remember anything you did on the potion, right?”         I shook my head. “Not at all. Why do you ask?”         “Do you remember the day I punched Bright Lights in the face?” she asked, eyes shifting from me to the floor.         I nodded and couldn’t help but smile at the memory. Yeah, that was fun. Not at the time, at the time I was pretty out of my head on Joy, but right now, any memories of bad things happening to Bright Lights made me kind of happy. And why would you hate the only pony who ever cared about you? The only pony who took care of you while you went out and ruined your life.         I shook my head. Nope. Hated her. Definitely hated her for what she did to me. I was happy before I met her, and now I was the opposite. “Yeah, I do,” I said, looking up at Scootaloo and trying to ignore the voice in my head saying how much I needed Bright Lights. Reminding me how useless I was.         “Well, when I was heading back home, I got this letter from Smartie Belle. It told me exactly when and where I could find you the other day,” Scootaloo said. Wait? Had other me planned this? She knew what was going to happen and she didn’t tell me anything? I would’ve told me. And that meant–         “You knew!” I yelled. Old hot anger flaring up. “You knew all that terrible stuff was going to happen and you didn’t stop me?” Don’t do this, Sweetie. Don’t get mad at the only pony in the world who doesn’t completely hate you. What does it matter? She’s going to hate us anyways. They always do. “I…” I sobbed. “How could you let me do all that?”         Scootaloo held a hoof up, asking for quiet. “Look, I didn’t know what was going to happen; I just knew the time and date I could find you. Second, I did everything I could to get you back sooner. I went to Rarity’s intervention.” I winced at that name. “And I tried to pull you back from the brink after your show. If it hadn’t been for your marefriend, we might’ve–”         “You’re right,” I said, mumbling into my chest. Of course she is, she isn’t a bad useless mare. “I’m sorry.”         “It’s fine,” Scootaloo said, smiling down at me. “I’ve kind of been having the same conversation with myself the past couple of days. Like, there had to be something more I could do, right? If Smartie knew things would be so bad up in that penthouse, why didn’t she send me there earlier?”         Because I needed to suffer for what I’d done. “Anyways, you’re here now, you’re safe, and that’s what really matters, right?” Scootaloo said. I nodded my head. If I told her she should’ve just left me up there, it would’ve hurt, and I’d done more than enough of that. Selfish mare.         “So,” I said, putting on my best smile. Back to this? At least it was better than the other thing. I sighed. “Ponyville?”         “Uh-uh,” Scootaloo said, shaking her head. “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about you, all your little smiles, and I know that smile you’re wearing now isn’t real. Rule number one: No more fake smiles. No more fake anything. If…” She rubbed her forehead. “Sweetie, I’m going to make sure you get better, and that means more than just dealing with your hallucinations. Got it? We’re gonna deal with the stuff that made you go crazy in the first place.”         I sighed. “I just didn’t want you to be upset with me,” I said, looking up at her. “You’re the only pony who hasn’t completely abandoned me, and I didn’t want to hurt you too.”         Scootaloo pressed her lips close together and clenched her jaw. “Sweetie, I dragged you out of that penthouse. The only thing you can do to upset me is go back there. Got it?”         “Yeah, but…” I glanced away from her. “What if… maybe you should’ve left me there? A little voice keeps telling me that maybe we’d all be happier if you’d just left me.”         “Sweetie, if I’d left you up there, you’d be dead. That wouldn’t make me happier, alright? You’re still my best friend, and I still want you to be okay. That’s what makes me happiest,” Scootaloo said, getting to her hooves and trotting around to the other side of my bed and pulling up the window shades.         Liar. “Really?” I asked. Nopony could care about you after what you’ve done.         “Uh-huh,” she said, nodding as she looked out the window. “You know, I still hate how big this city is. You can hardly see the sky, and…” She shrugged. “But this is where the work is, and I don’t think my one-mare show’s going to be taking off anytime soon.”         Look at how she changes the topic. She’s lying to you. Trying to make you feel better. “But… you really want me to be okay? Even after all the stuff I put you through?”         “I do,” she said, turning around to look at me. “And I’m not the only pony who feels that way.” She smiled at me. “There are still a bunch of ponies that want to see you hap–” I cringed at the word she was about to say. “That want to see you okay.”         “But why?” I asked, frowning at the sunlight now streaming into my room. Not as much sun as my penthouse suite got, but still some. “Why would they care, after I…”         “Because they care. Because we care. Sweetie, I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I’m guessing it’s not that fun a place right now,” Scootaloo said, sitting on the other side of my bed. The cleaner side. Had she noticed? Did the nurse not do as good a job cleaning as she said? Was I even sick or was that just another hallucination? How much could you hallucinate?         “That’s a pretty easy guess,” I said. I sighed and felt a smile form and die on my lips. “Definitely not as fun as it was when we were fillies. And honestly… I’m not sure how fun it was back then.” Memories bubbled up to the surface of my brain and played themselves out on the far wall. Scenes of a filly scaring away her first friends. Memories of a party where the two mares I cared about most told me I had to be happy all the time. “You know, I used to be so happy, and then I doubted it and got convinced that I was never happy, and now I’m kind of not sure I could tell you what happy means.” I laughed. “That probably sounds really sad, doesn’t it?” You know what happiness is. It’s what you find in a bottle.         I licked my lips. Didn’t need to drink or take pills or whatever, I was… I wasn’t fine, but I wouldn’t get better drinking or cleaning out a medicine cabinet. “You know what, then,” Scootaloo said, looking out at me. She wants to touch your mane or stroke your cheek to make you feel better, but won’t because she knows what a useless broken mare you are. “Let’s not focus on you being happy. Let’s just focus on getting you to okay. Alright?”         And maybe after that, we can focus on teaching you to fly. “You think it can really be done?” I asked. “After what you saw in the penthouse, you think things can be made okay again? Just like that?”         She shook her head. “We can’t undo it, Sweetie, but maybe we can learn from it?” She sighed. “I’m probably not the best at all this stuff; Rarity can talk about her emotions way better, but I do think… Do you want to be better? To be okay? To not wince at all these tiny little things you’ve been wincing at?”         I nodded.         It can’t be done. Nothing like you will ever be okay. Just useless and broken.         “Then I’m not leaving, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, smiling at me. When I looked at her violet eyes, I could almost believe her. “I’ll be here every day, doing what I can to help you out. Just… promise me no more massive benders, alright?”         But those are the only times you feel okay. The only times you don’t think about–                  “I promise.”         “Cool,” Scootaloo said. “So… what were we talking about? Ponyville? Right, well it’s grown a lot since you left…” ♪♪♪         The rest of the day passed with Scootaloo telling me about everything that’d happened since I’d left. Or at least, telling me about all the small things I’d missed out on. She didn’t tell me about Rarity or Diamond Tiara or Melody, and I kind of loved her for that. I just wanted to hear how Sugarcube Corner had been while I was gone, and if there had been any more big adventures or returning gods to bother the town.         I stared up at the ceiling, a tiny smile on my lips. Today was… not bad. Better than you deserved.         “Sweetie Belle…”         No, not another hallucination. Couldn’t I just have a few happy minutes on the border between dreaming and being awake without a voice in my head telling me how terrible I was? Of course not.         “Sweetie Belle, we have much to discuss.”         Wait, that wasn’t– “Princess Luna?” I asked.         “Indeed,” she said, forming from a blue swirling fog that seeped into the room. “I trust your waking hours were… if not pleasant, perhaps not as nightmarish as the hours before?”         “There’ve been worse, but not many,” I said, looking at her. “But what are you doing here? Couldn’t you wait until I was asleep for us to talk?”         She smiled at me. “Where do you think we are?” She pointed a hoof at me, and I looked down to see a completely healthy body removed from any wires. Even the beeping of the stupid heart monitor was gone.         “Huh, I didn’t even realize I was asleep,” I said, trying to hop out of the bed and collapsing into a pile of wires and tubes. I looked around and the Princess was gone, replaced with beeping machines and bandaged limbs.         “That’s precisely our problem, Sweetie,” Luna said, her voice still ringing in my ears as I crawled back into bed. The nurse came into the room and put me back in bed, making sure my wires were unkinked before tucking me back in. Shouldn’t I have a different nurse by now? Did the hospital only have one nurse?         “Sorry,” I said, grinning at her. “Uhmm… just a bad dream, you know?”         “You’re alright, though?” the nurse asked looking down at me. “You don’t need anything?”         I nodded. “Alright,” the nurse said. “If you need anything, just push the button and I’ll be in. Don’t try and get it yourself.”         “Okay,” I said as she trotted back out of my room. I waited for the door to shut. “What the hay was that about, Princess Luna? I thought you said I was dreaming.”         “You are, and you aren’t,” she said as my eyes grew heavy. If I didn’t focus on her, I could see her in the same room as me. “You have a hoof in the Dreaming and the corporeal world simultaneously. How much of you is in one and how much is in the other may vary, but you’re never fully committed to one or the other. Instead, you drift between both realms, accessing either at your convenience.” “Great, you’re even more broken than you thought. How is that even possible?” Bright Lights asked from next to me. “Enough!” Luna said, her horn igniting and sending a lance of white energy through my former marefriend. “We will have no interruptions from beings such as you during our conversations, do you understand?” Instead of nodding, the dream Bright Lights just burst into smoke and fire, leaving a scorch mark behind on the floor. To channel Scootaloo: awesome. “Can you teach me to do that?” I asked, looking up at her. “I… I’ve been seeing a lot of her, lately. Way more than I’d like.” Luna sighed and brought the tip of her horn against mine. The world around us dissolved, and we were standing back in the same blue fog I’d been in this morning. “We’ll have to. The Dreaming is dangerous, and you are now permanently bonded to it.” “What’s the big deal?” I asked, taking the opportunity to move around in the dream space Luna’d created. Being able to move without being hooked up to a bunch of wires and tubes again was great. “Doesn’t everypony dream?” “They do, and dreaming isn’t the problem. It’s the Dreaming,” she said. I tilted my head at her and she sighed. “Everypony has some connection to the Dreaming. The idle musings of sleeping spirits are what births and fuels the Dreaming. Imagine, a mare playing a violin or a cello. In this metaphor, the cello would be the magic possessed by every living thing in Equestria, the player is the slumbering soul, and the music is the Dreaming. The dreams of a normal mare are the interplay between the bow and the string. Understand?” I nodded at her and frowned, trying to figure out how I fit into that metaphor. “I guess that makes some sense. So what’s so big a deal about me being connected to the Dreaming?” Princess Luna looked away from me for a second. “That, Sweetie, is where our metaphor breaks down somewhat. First, instead of imagining one mare playing the cello, imagine everypony in Equestria playing it. A pony has their own dreams, but together they all mingle to create the Dreaming of Equestria. There are only a hoofful of beings who can fully interact with the Dreaming. Who can move about the music as if it were its own physical place and jump from dream to dream as if they were pages in a book. Who have the potential to sit back and experience the Dreaming in all its majesty. Up until a few days ago, I was the only mare in Equestria with that ability.” Oh. Oh. “Oh… Wait! Are you sure? How does taking a bunch of drugs let me do all that weird Dreaming stuff you’re talking about?” I asked. I closed my eyes and imagined myself moving from my spot in the field to a spot a few feet behind Luna. A tingle of energy ran across my body, and when I opened my eyes again, I was staring at Luna’s flank. Luna turned around and rolled her eyes. “I see you’re already taking the first steps in manipulating the dreaming.” I closed my eyes again and imagined myself floating up in the air. The same tingle and I was floating back up in the sky, hovering just a few hooves        above Luna. I let out a twirl and giggled. “I did it! I’m flying, I–” Whumph! Dream ground was apparently just as hard as real ground. Wait, how could there even be real ground in this blue fog, wasn’t it just– Before I could even finish the thought, the ground gave way beneath me and I was falling through the big emptiness. “Luna! Help!” There was a flash of light as the Princess popped into existence about a hundred hooves below, and with her, solid ground. I slammed my eyes shut and imagined a bubble filled with padding surrounded me like I’d never imagined anything before. I didn’t have to open my eyes to feel the padding blanket me. I felt the tiniest of thuds and lurched into the padding. I imagined the padding disappearing and dropped the last hoof to the ground. “Okay, how exactly do these dreaming powers work?” I asked, rolling over to my back and staring up at the blue fog above me. “Because right now, they seem like more of a pain than a boost.” Luna laughed and trotted into view. “Very true. Your mind will shape the Dreaming as it sees fit, with or without your consent. You imagined you could fly, until your mind reminded you you couldn’t. You doubted the solidity of the ground, so you fell through it. Your mind wars with itself, so it summons monsters like Bright Lights to break you.” “You see,” Bright Lights said, popping into existence next to me. “You need me. At least a part of you is smart enough to know you can’t get out of this okay. Not after what you’ve done. You know you deserve this: that’s why you can’t get rid of me. Come on, give it a try. Imagine me disappearing with what little brains you have.” Luna nodded. “While I disapprove of her message, this is an ideal opportunity to test your ability to manage your hallucinations.” I closed my eyes and tried. I imagined her bursting into flames and screaming. Imagined the way her ashes would drift in the wind. I imagined not having her to yell at me anymore. I opened my eyes and Bright Lights grinned down at me. “See!” she said, laughing. “You can’t get rid of me. I’m not some hallucination, I’m a part of you, the part that knows the truth. Now come on, I have a show we need to get to before Princess Luna tries to get rid of me again. I promise you’ll love it.” Before I could respond, the world around Bright Lights and me warped and cracked. Princess Luna stretched and extended into a dark auditorium, and the blue mist formed into a stage. Four stage lights lit up in the rafters and they fell on four familiar faces. Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, Rarity, and Diamond Tiara stood perfectly still, eyes staring out at a point deep in the auditorium. “And now, for one night only,” Bright Lights said to an invisible audience and giving a flourish. “I’m proud to present the very talented We Hate Sweetie Belle Quartet! Hit it!” The quartet scatted together for a few seconds before launching into the song. “We hate you, Sweetie,” the four of them sang in perfect unison. “Bum-bum-bum-bum,” Scootaloo added. “We hate you more than we dared to dream (Bum-bum-bum-bum) You are the worst mare that we’ve ever seen (Bum-bum-bum-bum) We called you sister, best friend, or lover (Bum-bum-bum-bum) And now we hate you like no other (Bum-bum-bum-bum) We gave you our hearts, and what was our payment? (Bum-bum-bum-bum) Nothing but heartbreak and betrayment.”         Betrayment? Really? You can’t just torture a word to get it to fit your rhyme scheme. If you could then songwriting would be super easy. Not that I’d know how easy songwriting was, but none of the productions I was in made up words. Mostly. At the very least, they made up words for a reason. “Now you’ve come crawling, seeking forgiveness (Bum-bum-bum-bum) But instead your suffering shall be endless!”         I couldn’t take this, I didn’t– I didn’t– I closed my eyes and I felt the familiar weight of a bottle of rum form in my hooves. Could I even get blackout drunk in a dream? I poured it down my throat. Only one way to find out.         “Enough!” Luna yelled, slamming in the stage and dispelling my bottle of rum and Bright Lights. “You three,” she said, looking at the quartet. “Return to your own dreams and forget this nightmare.” Another blast of light came out from her horn and hit Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Diamond Tiara right in the chest. The three of them dissolved into balls of light that zipped out of the auditorium.         “What about Rarity?” I asked, looking at my big sister. “Don’t you need to…” I trailed off, listening to her words again. “Wait, are you saying that those are really my...” The word “friends” died in my throat.         “They are,” Luna said, nodding. “Your connection to the Dreaming brought them into your nightmare and pulled them around like marionettes on a stage.” I remembered those final moments in the penthouse, remembered the pull of Bright Lights’ strings as they forced me to act out my performance. Is that how they’d remember my nightmare? Would they– Ropes came out of the ground and lashed me to the stage, constricting tighter and tighter. If they didn’t hate me before, they would now. Twisting ponies around to do what I wanted, that was all I was good at.         You never cared about anypony but yourself. Even when you’re trying to be better, you’re still a twisted little monster. Broken.         I felt a hoof lift my head up from the ground, and just like that, the ropes disappeared. Luna stared into my eyes when I finally opened them. “This is going to be a problem, isn’t it?”         She just nodded. “Indeed, allowing your mind unfettered access to the Dreaming would only end in disaster, and unfortunately, the only way I can prevent you from interacting with the Dreaming is to irrevocably sever your connection to it.”         I sighed. I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but I could figure out the basics. “Will it hurt?” I asked, frowning and looking away from her gaze. “Not being able to dream, I mean. I spent the last few years not dreaming, and I never felt right. Like something was missing. Will it be like that?”         Luna raised an eyebrow. “What makes you so eager to have your dreams removed?  They are the basest reflections of a pony’s desires, and can illuminate long-hidden truths. Why offer no resistance to my verdict?”         “Because... “ I gestured to my sister still standing on the stage. “I apparently just twisted my friends into performing in one of my nightmares. I don’t want them to suffer just because I’m an idiot and ruined my life. Also, how come you didn’t send her back to her dream?”         “She wasn’t sleeping, so there’s no dream to send her back to,” Luna said, sparing the other pony a glance. “She’s just an image you conjured. The real Rarity is heading back to Twilight after a long day’s work, I think.”         “Wait, why is she going to Twilight’s castle?” I asked, tilting my head before the answer slotted into place. “Oh. Wait. The two of them? What about Applejack?”         “Things have changed substantially since you last stepped hoof in Ponyville,” Luna said, giving me the tiniest smile as I got up on my hooves. “Perhaps soon, you’ll be able to return and see for yourself, but something tells me you’re in no rush to confront your old life. Certainly, you’re in no shape for it. We must be sure of ourselves before we slay those demons haunting us, and to that end, I have a gift for you.”         A window popped into existence next to Luna, images of another world flashing on the other side. “Look, but make no attempt to enter. Another pony’s dreams are a powerful thing, and if not properly warded, you risk being consumed by it.”         “Great,” I said, inching closer to the window. Scootaloo and a copy of me sat backstage. Scootaloo’s forelegs were wrapped around my twin. Their embrace seemed to last forever, until Scootaloo tightened her grip and the other me turned to smoke, darting away from Scootaloo who struggled to right herself and chase after me.         “It’s not always the same dream,” Luna said, looking through the window with me. “Sometimes it’s work, or pure fantasy, but you’ve been a recurring image in her dreamscape these past three years, and ever since she rescued you from that pit you made for yourself, you’ve played an even larger role in her dreams.”         “I get it, I hurt her,” I said, looking away as Scootaloo chased after my shadow. “Why are you showing this to me? Just to drive home how bad a friend I’ve been?”         There was a pop as Bright Lights appeared beside me again, but before she could do anything, magic erupted from Luna’s horn and dissolved my former marefriend. Maybe I could ask Luna to do that a few times before she removed my dreams.         Luna sighed. “That’s not the point, Sweetie. The point is, she still cares. She’s still willing to get hurt in the pursuit of her friend. Even after everything, she still cares about you. She’s not humoring you or pitying you – she loves you. She has for quite some time, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.” Luna pulled the blinds on the window and it winked out of existence. “And please spare me the self-loathing line of how you don’t deserve it. I’ve heard it before. I’ve said it before. Do you think your crimes outweigh mine?”         I shook my head. Nothing I did in that penthouse really compared to trying to throw Equestria into eternal night. “And despite everything I did or intended to do,” Luna continued, “my sister still forgave me. Still watched over me as I struggled to rebuild myself. Sweetie Belle, the road laid before you is a familiar one, and while you have several good ponies to help you with your journey, I’d also like to offer what assistance I can.” She took a deep breath. “I, Princess Luna, in my capacity as Princess of the Night and Warden of Dreams, extend an offer to you, Sweetie Belle. In lieu of having your connection to the Dreaming irrevocably severed, you shall study under me and, when you have gained some mastery of your gift, aid me in the protection of the Dreaming from outside threats. As my student, you will be expected to follow my every command. Failure to comply will result in my judgment being reinstated and your ability to dream being taken away. Do you accept this decree?”         “You mean, if I accept, I still get to have nightmares? Get to be yelled at by Bright Lights?” I asked, frowning. “If it means no more nightmares, you can take the rest of the dreams, too.”         Luna sighed. “Sweetie Belle, if you take my offer, I will teach you to master your nightmares. It will be harder, certainly, but also more rewarding. How much is a good night’s sleep worth to you?”         I remembered sleeping in until way past dawn. Remembered waking up feeling good, like that first day at the Academy. Could that even happen if I was doing dream stuff with Luna? “I guess… You’ll help me?”         “Everything I can do to restore you to good health will be done,” Luna said, moving to stand next to me as the world restructured itself into the blue mist. “I’ve already contacted Miss Melody’s therapist, and he will be travelling to Manehattan in the next few days. You will stay in the hospital until he declares you fit to leave, and from there, I still expect you to see him twice a week, going down to once a week when he deems it appropriate. His word is my word, so I expect you to follow all his instructions. If you don’t, I will hear about it.” Right, so follow the doctor’s instructions unless I wanted my dreams taken away.         “Now, during your sleeping hours, you will be tethered to my side. If I go somewhere, you will follow, until I’m confident you can control yourself. That way, if you have another outburst like you did tonight, the tether will keep you from getting lost in the Dreaming.”         “Sounds great,” I said, remembering the feeling of Bright Lights’ collar around my neck. From one leash to another. Ugh, did that voice have to follow me everywhere? Even when I wasn’t hallucinating her, I could still hear that voice in the back of my head.         Of course you can, I’m your voice, you just don’t want to admit it.         “That’s not true,” I muttered, earning a look from Luna. “Sorry, I, uhmm… I still kind of hear Bright Lights’ voice in the back of my head, and occasionally she gets me mad enough I talk back.” Ugh, that sounded like something a crazy mare might say.         Of course it would, you are a madmare after all.         “Yes, your appointments with Dr. Hooves are definitely going to be a priority, and I’ll do what I can to help you order your mind in the Dreaming,” Luna said as a rope shot out of her horn and wrapped around my barrel. “I can only imagine how humiliating this is for you, but–”         “It’s for the greater good,” I said, sighing as the loop the rope made tightened and tied. “I get it. Wait, how come I can’t just Dream myself out of this rope? I have that power, right?”         “The rope was woven with magic that negates your Dreaming abilities. You can move and be aware of the Dreaming, but you can’t shape it like you normally do.” A door cracked open in front of the Princess as she spoke. “Now, if you’d care to accompany me to the hub, it’s where I spend the majority of my nights, and a sight very few ponies have the chance to see. You should count yourself lucky, Sweetie Belle, although I know you don’t feel that way right now.”         She got that right, I thought as we stepped through the door. Still, maybe this hub place is kind of–         We were on a small island of calm surrounded by a sea of jewels, prisms of light erupting from each one, the lights from each gem being absorbed, reflected, and refracted by its neighbors as they danced around each other, creating an impossible array of colors. No, seriously, I don’t think I’ve seen some of these colors before, and my sister is a dressmaker. I focused my attention on one strand of impossible color as it danced between the gems. What should I call it? Maubergine? It definitely looked like a maubergine – well, it did now that I named it that. “Thank you,” I whispered to Luna.         “You see, Sweetie, this ability of yours doesn’t have to be a curse,” she said, staring at a section of gems. If I strained hard enough, I could see ponies moving around in them. Huh, so I guess that’s what dreams look like from the outside.         “So, is this what you do every night? Watch ponies’ dreams?” I asked, inching closer to a familiar-looking purple diamond. Maybe Rarity’d finally gotten to sleep. Floating near it was an amethyst starburst.         “Indeed – at least, those whose minds are open to outside help. Some have been slammed shut, and I am oath-sworn not to enter them,” Luna said, pointing at a blackened crystal sitting on the ground.         “And that’s why you didn’t help me out back when things were just starting to go bad?” I asked frowning at the gem. “Back when I started having my nightmares?” Back before I started taking Deep Sleep.         “Yes,” Luna said, swiveling her head around to look at more dreams. “I was sorely tempted to break that oath when I saw your troubles, but the last time I did… The last time I did, I became a creature of darkness. Or did you think ponies called me Nightmare Moon solely because it sounded ominous?”         Oh. That made a lot of sense, actually. I just thought it was a cool name. “So, how do you know when a pony’s having a nightmare?”         In response, Luna’s horn lit up, and she pulled a raspberry-looking gem towards us. Its light was faded and dull, more gray than colored. “Does that answer your question?” she asked, before whispering something to the crystal. A second later, the light was as strong as the rest of the others, and it floated back to join the group.         “Yeah, but… wait a minute, for my nightmares, you actually came and talked to me in my dream. Here, you just whispered something to his crystal and called it good enough. Why doesn’t he get a special visit?” I asked, looking up at her.         “First of all, Berry Shake is a she, not a he,” Luna said, sighing and rolling her eyes. “Second of all, she didn’t need the royal treatment. Sometimes, the right word is all it takes to end a nightmare.” What was my word?         Broken.         I’m not listening to you.         If you weren’t listening to me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.         Luna cleared her throat. I looked up at her. “Yes?”         “If you’re quite done talking with yourself, perhaps we can move on to your first assignment?” Luna said, conjuring up a blackboard. “Since you’re going to be exploring and wielding the magic of the Dreaming, perhaps it would be best if we start with our history. Are you ready to begin?”         I took a deep breath and nodded. ♪♪♪         Light filtered into my hospital room, Luna’s stories about the war with Balumet still floating around in my skull. The Dreaming was weird. Still, at least she was trying to teach me instead of just taking away my ability to dream. She was nicer to me than I would’ve been.         Nicer than you deserve.         Ugh, and the voice of Bright Lights was already back to work. Is that what they meant when they said there was no rest for the wicked?         “Hey,” Scootaloo said from beside my hospital bed. She was already here? It couldn’t have been past ten. “Finally up? Guess you really needed your beauty sleep.”         A tiny smile played on my lips. “What would my sister say if she knew I wasn’t getting my rest?” I pitched my voice to mimic her accent. “A lady is always well-rested, Sweetie Belle.”         Scootaloo mock shivered. “Ooh, spooky, I could’ve sworn she just walked in the room.”         “But she didn’t, right?” I asked, my smile vanishing. “I mean, she’s still in Ponyville. She’s not… Would it be okay if we waited a while before I saw her? I just…” I sunk deeper into my sheets. “I’d prefer not to see anypony from before until after I’m better.”         Like you can be fixed.         Scootaloo’s smile stayed on her face. “Uhh… don’t I count as ‘from before’? Or did I just dream having you as my best friend for nine years?” Nine? We’d only known each other for six years before I left for Manehattan... Oh.         “What did I do to get you as my best friend?” I asked, wiping the tears out of my eyes. Here I was, crying, not being happy, and she still–         “She loves you, Sweetie Belle,” an image of Princess Luna said, echoing her words from last night. “You don’t have to fear her leaving you just because you stopped smiling. That’s what real friendship means.”         “You know what you did,” Scootaloo said, picking up an old scooter bell sitting on my nightstand. She still had that? Yeah… I remembered her saying something about that three years ago. Back when things went from bad to awful. I smiled. Who would’ve guessed Scootaloo had a sentimental side? “Anyways, how are you doing? You’ve got a doctor coming in from Ponyville today; Princess Luna apparently requested him personally.”         “Yeah, I know,” I said, pushing myself so I was sitting up. “She told me last night.” She told me a lot of other things too, but… should I start telling ponies about the Dreaming? It had to be secret for a reason.         I closed my eyes. “She loves you, Sweetie Belle,” Luna’s voice said.         “You already told me that,” I mumbled. “Twice, actually, so–”         “So are you going to give her what she wants?” Bright Lights asked, sitting on the side of the bed opposite Scootaloo. “You already gave it to everypony else in Manehattan, so you might as well. Who knows, maybe she’ll actually be with you in the morning. Probably not, though. They all leave eventually.” Bright Lights cracked a grin. “Once they get what they want, they all leave.”         I looked to Luna for support, but she’d vanished back to wherever she came from. Would it have killed her to drag Bright Lights along with her?         “She loves you,” Bright Lights mocked. “I bet she still thinks it’s like those dumb storybooks you used to read. The gallant knight rescued the princess from her tower and now the knight expects her reward. Don’t be dumb and start thinking–”         “Shut up!” I yelled. “Just… stop trying to get inside my head. I know Scootaloo loves me, I saw her dream, she’s not just going to–”         Bright Lights laughed. “Oh, and wouldn’t you know it, I have to go, again. Still, I’m sure you and Scoots have plenty to talk about.” Horseapples. Stupid hallucinations.         “You saw my dreams?” Scootaloo asked, looking at me like one of us had lost our minds. “And you didn’t tell me?”         “Well, I only saw it last night,” I said, brushing a hoof through my mane. “And… it’s not like I went looking for it; Princess Luna showed it to me after I accidentally forced you to perform in one of my nightmares.” Great. Didn’t sound crazy at all.         “So… you saw the dream where you and I were…” She trailed off; her cheeks flushed red.         “Oh. Nononono. No. Definitely not,” I said, feeling my own cheeks get hot. Why was I blushing? I’d done way worse than have a little sex dream. I’d had a swing party with actual swings. We had trapeze artists and everything. That was a fun night. And now, thanks to Bright Lights, everypony in Equestria probably knew about it. “No, I just saw the dream where you were hugging me and I disappeared. I didn’t see the two of us…”         “That was the dream I was talking about,” Scootaloo said, sighing. “Ugh, it’s so sappy. I hate that you saw it.”         “It was sweet,” I said, smiling at her. “I mean, not the part where I disappeared into smoke, but… the good part was nice.”         She snorted and rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter, it’s just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything if I had a good dream or a nightmare.”         “But they can be fun,” I said, slipping into an old groove. She wants you. Give her what she wants. “I had dreams about you, too.” If you’re going to love anypony, it should be her. She deserves it. She deserves more, actually.         The look on Scootaloo’s face was wrong, it was all hurt and surprised. Not enticed. I was supposed to be– I shut my eyes. We’re not that mare anymore. We can’t be. “Sorry,” I said, not wanting to open my eyes and see the look on her face. “I just… I saw how much you cared for me, and all you did to help me, and I thought the least I could do was date you. I mean… you love me, so I might as well.”         “That’s the worst reason to date somepony I ever heard,” Scootaloo said. I opened my eyes to see her rubbing the back of her head. “Yeah, I… love you – that’s really not how I imagined telling you that – but that… Can we talk about something less weird for me right now? Like maybe who your sister’s been dating.”         “Twilight, I know. Luna told me,” I said. “Hey, I’m sorry for seeing your dreams. Luna just wanted to show me some ponies still really cared about me instead of just pitying me.” I smiled at her. “And for what it’s worth, your dream made me feel a lot better.”         Scootaloo gave the smallest of smiles. “Happy to help, then, I guess. And… Can we talk about the relationship stuff later? Way later. When you’re feeling better.”         “That sounds good,” I said, smiling at her. “So, what are the chances of the doctors letting me out of bed today? Because I’d kind of like to actually do something today, even if it’s just trotting around a hallway.”         “Yeah, I’ll go find somepony and see what’s up,” Scootaloo said, trotting to the door. “Just… don’t go anywhere until I get back.”         “Ha ha, very funny,” I said, tossing one of my pillows after her. “So funny that I forgot to laugh.”         A few minutes of me staring out the window later, Scootaloo and Dr. Grey Matter trotted into the room. “So, Doc, what do you say? Isn’t she a picture of good health?”         “Far from it,” the doctor said, frowning. “But a brief stroll around the hallways won’t hurt her, and might even have some therapeutic benefits. Her therapist will be reaching the city today?”         Scootaloo shook her head. “Tomorrow, actually. So, what do you say, Sweetie? Up for a little walk?”         “Yes. Absolutely yes,” I said, sitting myself on the edge of the bed and staring down at the ground. One push and I’d be up, taking my first steps since the penthouse. One push.  I took a deep breath and shoved, swiveling my forelegs up so they’d hit the ground before my face. Why did I have to pick the most dangerous way to get out of bed? I could have just hopped out like I normally did; but nope, today was apparently Be a Complete Idiot Day.         So, a normal day for you.         “Shush.” I winced. “Sorry, just talking to myself again,” I said, looking up at Scootaloo, standing next to me and offering her side in case I needed somepony to lean on. I smiled at her. “Ready for our walk?”         “Sure,” she said, shrugging. “That is, as long as you’re going to talk with me instead of those voices in your head.”         “Will do,” I said, giving a tiny laugh as I took my first step. “You make way better company than she does, anyways.”         “Well done, Sweetie Belle,” Luna said, appearing in front of me and moving to lead me down the hall. “You’ve started a long and arduous journey, but I’m confident your friends will support you with every step you take. And who knows, with an experienced guide, perhaps you can avoid some of the more common pitfalls.”         “Indeed, little sister,” Rarity said, appearing on my other side. “We’ll be with you every step of the way until you’re safe and well.”         “So,” I said, as the four of us trotted out of my room. “Care to show me around the ward, Scootaloo?”         She smiled at me. “Nothing I’d like more.”