//------------------------------// // Hello // Story: Why Maids Don't Date the Guards // by Lunarus Solaris Nexus //------------------------------// About twenty minutes after the boys left, everypony was at the house laughing and enjoying the get together. A few were busy enjoying the mixed drinks that were on hand at the time. Dust hadn't moved from the couch but Hestaria had decided to sit with her maid of honor. She had enough to drink where she was getting a little clingy. Without her husband in the room, she didn't have her usual snuggle bag. She instead leaned up against Dust and occasionally nuzzling into her neck. The only one that wasn't drinking because they were pregnant was a dark read pegasus with the front of her chocolate brown mane over the entire right side of her face. She instead sipped from a bottle of water that she brought. Strangely, Luna was even drinking! Though she stuck with simple white wine, the Nexus household not having any of her favorite red. "Okay," the light green earth pony drinking her apple martini said interrupting the laughter. "I don't know if I brought this up before-" "And I know you did." Dust said rolling her eyes as she just letting Hestaria rest on her. "-But how did you, of all mares, you, end up with a stick in the mud like the Colonel." "Yeah you never do answer her." One of the more sober mares there added in. "Why don't you actually tell us." "You have never told them?" Luna asked surprised. "Were you embarrassed of him?" the red pegasus said equally confused. "Lunar and I didn't want to spread it around is all, Ink. Though I'm not sure that wasn't part of the reason Lunar didn't want to." "Well we figured that from you not saying a damn thing about it." "Well you never asked." How does a Princess work in such a mess? It's what I've been wondering ever since Princess Luna assigned me to her study. This wasn't mortal! Then again that made sense. Books scattered about, empty cups stacked in a tower that for some reason defied gravity and everything covered in a very potent layer of dust. Every single day. If she were anypony else I would've actually said something to her about this mess! Maids don't ask anything of their tenants other than payment. Ugh… I should've stayed in art school. I brushed up another pan full of dust and and made my way over to the window. Normally I'd use a trash can but They were all full so the window would have to do for the actual dirt and such. I sweep it out with my brush and the wind blows some of it back in my face. I try to blow it back but it was far too late, it always was. I shuttered and let out a strong yet quiet sneeze. I hated that damn thing. It did help with guys but it hurt. I shook my head and snorted, getting what was left of the dust out of my nose before I do it again. "I see you've run out of space in your bins again Ms. Storm." a calm yet authoritative voice called from the window. My heart stopped as I turned around to see Princess Luna floating at the window I just dumped out of with it coming off her flapping wings in clouds. "Princess! I'm so sorry1 I didn't know you we-" "Don't mind that. These things happen Ms. Storm. Just be more aware of those you are dumping on." She said before flying to the balcony to let herself in. "If you don't mind my asking Princess, but what were you doing out there?" "Coming to find you Ms. Storm" "Me?" Oh no, who else have I dropped dirt on? "What for?" "As I understand it, you and your friends go out every few weeks. Am I correct?" "Y-Yes Princess, why do you ask?" "As you are no doubt aware, I have a personal guard. His name is Lieutenant Nexus." Oh right, one of her many stone cold warriors who sneer at sunlight. I wasn't sure if she thought I'd heard of this one in particular but may as well play along. "Yes. What about him?" "Well he isn't the most social of ponies. And I was hoping that maybe you would not mind taking him along for the night." Oh no. I might not know much about the Guard but I know for a fact that they're all misery guts! All broody and completely absolutely miserable to hang around! "I… Princess I don't think th-" "Ms. Storm," Princess Luna said quickly stopping her from telling her no in even the smallest way. "He locks himself away every day he's not with me. Maybe every few weeks he'll have lunch with a friend from his deployment but that is it. He needs the fresh air. If nothing else do it as a favor to me. Perhaps a pick from the Castle's Wine Cellar would be enough to sweeten the deal?" Wine? One hundred year old wine. Only got a taste last Hearths Warming when some pompous snob spilled some on me. It was really good… And something tells me next time it won't be a bribe that gets me asking him out… Wait… "Is this like a… date Princess?" "No. He is quite handsome if it helps." Sure he is. "Anything I want from the Cellar?" The Princess nodded with a smile. "Alright. Where can I find him?" The carriage had dropped came to a stop at the front end of the mall most of the shoppers stopping to stare as Nexus and Ephilates get out with their kids riding on their backs. "Would you like us to stay here Senator?" the lead puller asked. "No that's fine. Just go park the chariot somewhere and kick back for a while." Nexus ordered. "Wife's having her baby shower today." "Yes sir." The lead nodded his head and they started off to the nearest parking garage. "Feel good to be rid of your servants Nex?" Ephialtes asked. "Don't push it Ephi." As the two unicorns walked towards the massive building, the congregations outside stared as they went. "Papi…" Gale asked gripping the back of her father's neck. "Why are they looking at us." "Ask your uncle." Ephialtes told her. "Well… I'm important I guess." "What about Uncle Ephi?" Astral asked. "He's important too. He's Captain of the Guard after all!" Nexus followed the path to the directory and started looking for some shops they could go to. There were more than enough fru fru shops in the mall to get anything from jewelry to candy. The closest was a flower shop. Nexus pointed it out and Ephialtes agreed that'd be a good place to start. The one main downside to the mall was it was more or less an outdoor lay out. The shops lining brick path ways in a star pattern. The flower shop was on the bottom prong of the six point star on the left. As they walked, ponies still stared. Nexus and Ephialtes did all they could to ignore them but there was no way their kids would. The noticed every single glance in their direction. As far as Nexus was concerned, this was the best possible outcome to them shopping like this. Nopony running up to get an autograph that they could hold onto and sell when he was dead, no reporters clamoring for some kind of word they could twist out of proportion to say they were pro-child abuse or something equally outlandish. The two of them equally dreaded taking either of their wives out to dinner. It almost always ended up with something getting in their face. But today, everypony seemed to have something else on their minds. And rightfully so. Of cores with his own mind loving not being noticed as heavily for once, he almost missed his son slapping the side of his neck for attention. "What I it Astral?" Nexus asked hoping he didn't sound like a bad parent in public. "Why are we getting flowers?" he asked for what might have been the sixtieth time. "For Mommy and Aunt Stari my dear munchkin." "Stop calling me that!" Astral protested. "Why not? You are one." "No I'm not!" "Yes you are. And girls love flowers. Hint for lift son." "Don't dump so much on him now Nex. You might just talk yourself dead." Ephialtes added. "Are there going to be daisies and roses and…. and…." Gale stammered trying to think of more flower kinds. "All that and more Sweetheart." Ephi told her. "Here's the place." The shop's front was all glass panes showing off the incredible volume of flowers they had on offer. Just from a quick glance, Ephi could tell there weren't many, if any at all roses to be seen. He swore under his breath and prayed that Gale didn't hear. "Don't worry Ephi, there's probably something in there she'll love." Nexus reassured as they entered. Once past the doors, they were hit with a wave of hot air coming from the stove on the left hand side of the shop, tactfully away from the plants in the room. The kids jumped off their father's backs and quickly ran to get a look at whatever colorful plant that caught their eye first. "Don't wander off you two." Nexus said, hoping his words were heard. "Hi!" the pale yellow mare with her curly purple mane tied back said with a smile. "Welcome to Lots of Pots. Can I help you gentlemen find anything?" "Ya got anymore roses? My wife's a sucker for roses." Ephi asked getting straight to the point. He was clearly a little nervous about not getting his wife her favorite red flowers. "Sorry. We ran out yesterday but there might still be some in stock. Want me to-" "Yes!" "Okay Mr. Pushy." she said holding up her hoofs in surrender before taking the door right behind the counter. "Tad on edge Ephi?" Nexus asked hoping to have little fun at his expense. "You always this tactfully dickish?" Ephi asked hoping to throw Nexus on the defensive. "Kind of I guess. I wasn't always this sharp but I was certainly far from being nice." Alright, reconfigure the memory distribution matrix to avoid the circuits turning to slag or exploding in my face. How'd I put that together again? I glance over some sketches next to my station and reheat the soldering iron. So rerouting power didn't work the first time so maybe doing that and this reconfiguration will work. I pull the iron up and set the lines and set the power cable again. "Alright baby. Just don't blow up in my face and you and me will make some beautiful music. Come on A.L.I.S." I mumble out loud. I flip the switch to my small generator. It hums to life and the sensor array hooked into it starts getting a feed. Any higher than one thirty eight it'll burst into flames. So far only one twenty. I keep my eyes locked on the modified calculator display when a knock came at the door. I glance at the clock and notice it's nearly ten o'clock. A little late for Luna to be here. "I'm busy Princess." I call to the door. "I'm not Luna. Now open up!" a mare called banging on the door a few more times. "Oh in that case, no visitors." I hear a groan from the other side of the door and hoof steps storming away. I wonder if she knew the door wasn't locked? Regardless, I return my full attention to the project at hand. It looks like it's holding one twenty five so that should be enough to not ruin another circuit board right? I let out a sigh as I get the one of the mother boards from the shelf above my desk. I connect the power source and sodden in the new memory distribution matrix. Now for the real moment of truth. I flip on the power a- was that the lock? I see my shadow cast on the wall from the lights of the hall way flooding in. "I'm on orders from the Princess." the mare from earlier said stepping in. Well this is going about as well as I expected. He looks like a classic villain from a spy movie. He was hunched over a table in the nearly black room. Despite the walls being white nopony could tell from the absolute lack of light. The windows were covered by the black curtains with tape holding them shut. It looked like he was about to turn around and have one blind eye and holding a gun or something. "Are you now?" he said not looking up from his desk. "She asked me to take you out tonight. So get out of that armor and let's go." The sooner I get this over and done with the better. "Define 'Taking me out.'?" he asked. "You are going with me and my friends to a party. That's it. I'm not taking no for an answer Nexus now come on." He sighed and got up. I couldn't quite tell if Luna was wrong yet. His face was half covered by the helmet. And what pony needs that much leg armor? "And why should I?" "Princess Luna said so, that's why now come on." I whined, hoping that annoying him into submission would work. "I'd love to," he said with obvious sarcasm. "But I've got a project th-" "You mean the one that's on fire right behind you?" I said pointing out that whatever it was had spontaneously combusted. He spun around and saw she wasn't bluffing. "Gah!" Nexus quickly grabbed a fire extinguisher and blasted the blazing objects on the table. "Looks like you’re free now. Now come on." After everything wasn't on fire, he groaned and spun around. "Fine. Wait here." I sat back on my haunches and watched him walk into an equally black room. A light came on and his shadow vanished into another room. I tapped my hoof on the marble floor until the light turned off. Wasn't too long but how long could it possibly take for a unicorn of all ponies to get out of armor? He came back into the light of the hall and I used my wing to flip the light switch on the wall. May as well get a better look. He wasn't fazed by the sudden change in light. Luna wasn't talking completely out of her flank. He wasn't gorgeous or anything, but he was kind of cute. His shaggy black mane hung fairly low on his face and even in the back was kind of longish. He was wearing a black leather jacket with… jeans? Why is he wearing clothes? He had a baseball cap with the Canterlot Flag sewn on the front in his telekinetic hold. Would've loved if she didn't do that but that's not what I'm too terribly pissed about. Was she eyeing me? Not eyeing me eyeing me, but certainly staring. She walked over and tossed my hat aside from basically nowhere. "Too dark for that I think." She said. "It's for my mane. You have your hair bands and I got my hat." I throw back my head and put my hat on over my mane, keeping it out of my eyes for the night. "Well you look stupid." She said. I wasn't sure if she was serious. "Whatever. Lead the way Miss…" "Dust, Dust Storm. And please take that stupid thing off." "First off, don't tell me what to do. Let's just go." I made my way out the door and my hat suddenly came off. Dust raced by me with my cap in her teeth. I groaned and gave her a three second head start. I might not've wanted to be going out but might as well humor her. I began to count to three just as she rounded the corner of the tower. I quickly broke into a full sprint after her. It wasn't long before I was right on her tail. I wasn't in the mood to try and get my way around her for my hat so I got waited for a straight hallway. Discretely, I prepare the pistons in my hind legs and leap forwards and over her. I jump far enough to be able to spin around and stop her cold before she could fall over me. "And second," I take my hat back and pull my hair back with my magic. "Don't touch me." I put my hat on and make my way towards the main staircase. "Well you're a pocketful of sunshine aren't you?" Ms. Storm said with a giggle. She was enjoying this too much.