Observer
Chapter V
Being dragged through the large halls of Canterlot Castle was only the ninety-ninth most degrading thing to ever happened to me. Right behind being beaten with my own hand and two ahead of losing an arm wrestle to a young girl. In my defense, she was a really strong girl. Also in my defense, my ratings are always skewed, so it could have been the three thousandth most degrading thing to ever happen to me.
And it was Isaac and Garrus who were dragging me too! Those guys were strong; they could have carried me. Although, I did ask them to drag me back. Ah, the fun with words. Meanwhile, Twilight just stared at me as I was pulled over every single bump on the way back to the dining room. And in a pristine castle where the floors were as smooth as silk, that was saying something.
“Observer?” Twilight questioned, tilting her head ever so slightly. I didn’t even know if she tilted her head it was so slight.
“Wazz up?” I said, grunting when I was dragged over a tack. How did Isaac and Garrus even find a tack?
“If you’ve been to multiple versions of our Universes,” she said, starting to look a little unsure of herself. “Then does that mean you know what’ll happen in the future? Or what has happened in the past?”
“Sometimes, yes,” I answered with a shrug, “Sometimes, no. Each Universe is different, and I could predict how each one of you live, but there are a lot of unknowns.”
Garrus twisted his head slightly, eyeing me with interest, “Like…?”
“Like oui,” I said, holding up my head like any arrogant royal person would do. “That’s French for ‘me’. It sounds different than how it’s spelt too.”
“Right, okay,” Twilight nodded, looking to the side in thought. “Then, could you predict what could happen?”
“Do I look like a fortune teller?” I questioned before gesturing to my head, “I mean, sure, my head could look like a crystal ball and stuff.”
Then a mega big question came to me, one that needed to be asked, “Why?”
My super complex and enigmatic question got to Twilight, as her ears splayed back in nervousness. Her face tensed up as she stared at the floor. “All this,” she said quietly, even catching the attention of Garrus and Isaac. “With Sombra, the Lone Wanderer, the Courier, Garrus, Isaac, the monsters… I’m afraid that someone will get hurt or…”
“Wait, monsters?” Isaac asked, turning his head to Garrus, who narrowed his eyes at his implications. Ignoring it like the hardcore badass he was, Isaac turned back to Twilight.
“Not Necromorphs,” I put in, “If that’s what you’re wondering. You always seem to think it’s Necromorphs.”
“Because it usually is, smartass,” Isaac snapped before addressing Twilight, “But what other monsters have you faced?”
“The only ones I recognized were those mutated Timberwolves,” Twilight replied back.
“And also Chimera, Creepers, and trolls,” I added.
“We never faced trolls,” Garrus stated flatly.
“I feel I’m due to confront some trolls,” I said, “Might as well add it to the list.”
Isaac growled, before taking a hold of my forearm with both of his hands. With strength that was only matched by his stomping power, Isaac swung me right through a nearby door, sending me inside. The room was pitch black, but the that didn’t stop a whole shelf full of cleaning supplies from smashing right on top of me. Though I could say I was as clean as a whistle, I could also say I was an absolute mess. Funny how that worked.
“Huh,” Garrus muttered, “Beat me to it.”
***
“Wait, wait, wait,” Rainbow said, holding up her hooves to halt the Courier, with his hands frozen in the air. “You talked to your own brain? How the hay does that even work?”
“That,” the Courier said, pointing a finger at Rainbow, “is something I have never figured out. I mean after all, my brain is what allows me to speak, so speaking to it is like speaking to myself, so in actuality I was talking with myself, but at the same time, it had its own personality. A really bitchy personality. Seriously, that guy can’t take a joke.”
Applejack rubbed her head, “I think my brain is hurtin’ right now.”
Despite the somewhat gruesome story telling the Courier used, at least it was somewhat entertaining for Celestia. She had her history of encounters that did not end diplomatically, and hearing another soul having faced similar circumstances was welcoming. That still didn’t stop her utter boredom, leaning a foreleg against the table as it propped up her head. Luna was the same way, through she showed it by resting against her seat as she blew her mane out of her eyes every once in awhile.
It had been several minutes since Luna had magically requested Discord’s counsel, and as usual, he was as late. It didn’t help that Twilight and the other visitors hadn’t been heard from in a while, and the chance of their mortality was pretty high, even with Garrus with her.
She didn’t really care for Observer, since one couldn’t be sympathetic with someone who could not die, at all.
“I have a question for Princess Celestia,” the Lone Wanderer spoke up, glancing to Celestia. Interested in what he had to ask, she lowered her foreleg and waited with rasp attention. “If this is a castle, and you’re a princess, and your sister is a princess, then where are the guards? I kind of expected a few guards.”
“Vacation,” Luna answered simply, blowing another strand of her mane upward.
“All at the same time?” the Lone Wanderer asked incredulously.
“Unplanned vacations, to be precise,” Celestia went on, “Every single one used their vacations on the same week, which so happens to be the same week in which we host a plethora of unique visitors.”
“Plethora?” the Courier questioned, “Oh, I get it! Like sex!”
“It has nothing to do with sex!” Luna screamed, slamming her hooves onto the table, causing the Courier to shrink down and cower for the first time in forever. Rarity giggled at his reaction, as did Applejack and Discord, hovering just behind her.
Everyone’s reaction was instant as they all faced Discord with both disbelief and shock. The Courier and the Lone Wanderer were completely baffled by such a creature, reaching for their weapons. If they knew anything, it was that any combination of two or more animals did not bode well at all. Not only that, but the creature could float in midair, without the use of his wings or any sort of propulsion system.
“Goodness, Luna!” Discord chortled, holding his stomach as he twisted his body midair, “When you summoned me, I thought you wanted to play a game of cat and mouse, but now I see there’s nothing but cats here!”
He snapped his fingers, and with a flash, everyone in the room had cat ears on their heads, prompting the Courier and Lone Wanderer to jerk their head around in a frantic frenzy. Their cat ears had emerged on top of their helmets, making everyone else just as confused.
“Da fuck?” the Courier questioned, his head whipping around so much that it was a miracle he didn’t break his neck.
“Da fudge indeed!” Discord said with another laugh. Celestia and Luna simultaneously sighed. They knew the risks in requesting Discord’s help, and by his actions, it was completely justified.
“Courier, Lone Wanderer,” Celestia said with a dainty voice, as if speaking to people that hadn’t killed for a new pair of clothes. “This is Discord, the spirit of disharmony and chaos.”
“Not to mention our used-to-be enemy,” Rarity added with a grunt. Applejack and Pinkie shared the same sentiment as they both crossed their forelegs with a curt nod. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, gave a gentle wave over to him, to which Discord returned with a rather quaint smile. It was far too quaint for Celestia, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.
“Okay,” the Lone Wanderer spoke up, rubbing his cat ears, “So this guy likes chaos and all that jazz.”
“Especially jazz from Bessie Smith,” Discord said, putting a hand on his forehead dramatically as he swooned, “That girl can sing the blues like no otter!”
A momentary silence pervaded the table as everyone tried to understand the words coming out of Discord’s mouth. However, the Courier summed it up quite nicely for everyone, “What. The. Hell?”
“And he has magic?” the Lone Wanderer said, “Magic that looks pretty damn powerful.”
“Well,” Discord muttered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, “I don’t believe my magic is powered by a dam. But fear not, tin man!” Discord transformed into a cat, landing on the table with a pose. “We’re all cats in this game of cat and mouse after all.”
“I don’t think you know what that game is,” the Courier snapped, grabbing a hold of his cat ears and giving a hard yank. The pain that erupted made him cry out, making Discord giggle as he raised a paw to his mouth.
In that moment, the doors leading into the dining room burst open as Observer crashed through them. He landed onto the floor in a heap, groaning. Garrus and Isaac brushed their hands, glad to be rid of him.
“You know,” Observer grumbled, uncoiling himself from his limbs, “you could have done the easier and energy saving solution of dropping me.”
Garrus shrugged, “Think of it like this: you’re invincible and we could use someone to get rid of some stress.”
“Your logic is unquestionable,” Observer said as he got himself to his feet. Discord hummed to himself, tilting his head several times before smiling widely. Leaping off the table he changed back to his old draconequus self as he clapped his hands together, both expressing his excitement and revealing himself to the new enterers.
“Oh my!” he said, “Now I know I’ve been missing out!”
“Ayo!” Observer shouted happily as he swung an arm, “It’s… Discord!”
“The one and only!” Discord said with a bow before eyeing Observer warily, “Do I know you?”
Observer lifted up a finger as if to speak but stopped short. He waggled his finger, trying to find the right words, but remained silent for the longest time. Garrus and Isaac were still dumbfounded by such a creature standing before them.
“Possibly?” Observer said, “You tend to dimension jump, so it’s sort of fifty-fifty.”
“Dimension jump?” Discord repeated before realization dawned on him, “Ohhhhh, you must be that Observer figure I’ve heard so much about.”
Observer puffed out his chest as he played fanfare in his head, “The true one and only!”
Everyone in the room gaped at Discord, stunned that he actually knew Observer. To have two people actually know each other, even though they came from completely separate universes, was almost too much of a coincidence.
***
And there I stood, thinking it would get so lonely without anyone knowing me, then suddenly Discord! Everything is interesting when Discord enters the fray! Or the Brawl. Ah, man, was he good in the Brawl. He showed Link what was up. Gazing up at the glorious - and good! - guy, I heaved a sigh of content, glad to see I wasn’t the only dimension jumper in the room! Well, one of the few that actually did that as a profession. Everyone else was just cashing in on my success, the leeches.
“Discord,” Celestia said, flying over to land next to him as she stared at him in disbelief, “You know Observer?”
“Here and there,” Discord said with a wave of his head.
“Literally,” I added.
“Never actually met the fellow,” Discord said gazing dreamily at the wall. It was a pretty wall, I suppose. “Heard him cursed by everyone else's gods because of his silly antics.”
“Picard never was one for humor,” I agreed, crossing my arms with a sagely nod.
“Got that right,” he said as he raised his hand for a high five. Suppressing a squee, I jumped up and gave it to him, pleased beyond measure that I was able to get a high five in this universe in the end. I told Jason I could do it, and I was still holding on to our little wager. He’s definitely going to have to give me those respect points we bet on!
“This is makin’ my head hurt even more…” Applejack grumbled, resting her head on the table. Luna glanced off into the stained-glass windows to see the sun still on the fringe of setting. Celestia had forgotten to take the sun down, again. She was never good at keeping track of that pesky ol’ orb.
Celestia noted the sun's position as well as her horn glowed, allowing the sun to set completely and initiating the night sequence, which made Luna’s horn glow. With the small distraction, I glanced around to everybody, seeing the Elements of Harmony, the Princesses, Discord, the Lone Wanderer, the Courier, Garrus, Isaac…
“Hot diggity dog!” I exclaimed with a small jump, “Everyone may be as confused as ticks, but I’m loving this adventure! I bet Master Chief will make an entrance next- No, no! I bet Sonic will! Or better yet, Harry Potter! Imagine magic with magic! The possibilities!”
“You are far chattier than I imagined,” Discord commented with a frown, “And I’m yet undecided if that’s a good thing.”
Oh, how he jests. Giving a grunt of amusement, I looked to everyone again. It wasn’t until that very precise moment that something completely out of place came to my attention. “Say,” I said, scratching the top of my head, “Why do you guys have cat ears?”
***
With the cat ears finally being taken away by Discord, everyone was back to normal, except the circumstances wasn’t normal at all. Four displaced Humans and a loud invincible Human were still stuck in Equestria. Everyone was mingling, speaking about technology and tactics and every other distracting thing that could come to mind. Celestia was able to get Luna and Discord together and huddled up like an American Football team.
Discord was the only one dressed for occasion. He was very disappointed that Luna and Celestia weren’t wearing padding or helmets.
“It’s the Colts!” he said with glee, “They put Ponies in a Super Bowl commercial, it only seems fair to return the favor.”
“What in all that is Pony are you talking about?” Celestia deadpanned.
“We must not deviate from our reason for huddling,” Luna said, stopping Discord from saying another word. Most likely a word that neither of the princesses would understand anyway. “First, Discord, can you sense Sombra’s presence in Equestria? You were once a villain, were you not?”
“So, what are you implying?” Discord asked as he crossed his arms, “That all villains have each other’s numbers on speed dial? But now that you mention it, it did feel pretty dark over by Ponyville.”
“Then he must have hidden there,” Celestia nodded, “If Garrus’ story is correct, then he is merely in his gas state. With his focus on us, he won’t attack my little ponies. It is better for us to be in danger than anyone else.”
Luna nodded, eyeing the visitors, “These Humans do seem far better equipped to handle these monsters. And as much trouble as King Sombra is giving us, he is also delivering us allies in his wake.”
“So to Ponyville in the morning,” Discord summed up, wrapping his arms around Luna and Celestia, “Alright, break!”
Discord fazed into the ground and out of sight, leaving Luna and Celestia in surprise from his disappearance. Heaving a sigh, Celestia glanced back to the room of minglers. The six girls were fascinated with Garrus, Isaac, and the Lone Wanderer. Those three Humans, Celestia could say firmly, were good. Their actions may have been… gory. But she liked them.
“I like those three,” Luna announced, gesturing to the three Humans Celestia was just thinking about. “Their actions are gory, but I-”
“Yes, yes, you like them,” Celestia concurred, hurriedly. She had already thought the same exact words, she didn’t need Luna saying them aloud.
“The Courier…” Luna trailed off, grimacing as she looked over to his direction. He was speaking with Observer, probably not by choice. In the Princesses minds, the two of them keeping each other occupied was the best possible solution.
“Yep,” Celestia nodded, “The Courier has been looking at my little ponies a little too-”
“-seductively,” Luna and Celestia said simultaneously. They had no idea why the Courier was the only one looking at the Ponies in a that matter, but from what they have learned from the Lone Wanderer, their world was lonely. Like, absurdly so. It didn’t help that Celestia had caught more than a few quips on Applejack’s looks.
“Are you hearing this, sister?” Luna asked with a smile, elbowing Celestia as she pointed to Observer and the Courier. Breaking out of her thoughts, she used her magic to get a better listen.
“...You’re shitting me,” the Courier said, hardly moving with his arms crossed.
“Ew, no,” Observer replied, “Why would I… Oh! You mean you’re in disbelief!”
“God damnit,” the Courier grumbled, slapping a hand against his helmet’s forehead, “Ow.”
“What’s there not to believe?” Observer asked.
The Courier held up his arms. If the sisters didn’t know better, he was going to smack Observer upside the head. “Believe!?” the Courier repeated in a high voice, “How in everything in the Mojave am I supposed to believe that in some Universes, there’s a plumber jumping three times his height, eating mushrooms while stomping turtles into the ground to save a princess from a talking dragon!?”
Observer was silent, as was the rest of the room as the Courier was anything but quiet. In fact, he was loud, loud enough for everyone to hear him, hence the silence. Observer stared at the Courier, leaned forward, and continued to stare at him.
“Do I need to bring up the time you had sex with-”
“Stop,” the Courier said, holding up a hand, “Fine, I believe you. And how the hell do you know about that?!”
“I didn’t until you said it happened!” Observer countered, with a fist in the air, “Oh, and uh, you really are a sex machine.”
The punch that landed on Observer’s face was predictable for everyone. He landed on the ground in a heap as the Courier shook his hand. As tough as he was, Observer’s helmet was a lot harder than he had anticipated. Celestia and Luna looked to one another with a suppressed smirk. They didn’t want to admit it aloud, but Observer and the Courier made things far more comical.
“I’m just going to lay here a moment…” Observer whined, splaying his body as if accepting the inevitable fate of staying on the floor. Everyone else didn’t complain.
“Auntie!” an annoying voice rang through the hall, emitting from behind the double doors. The noise caused Celestia, Luna, and Observer to wince.
“Fudge cakes,” Observer muttered, raising a brow from the Courier.
The double doors opened a crack to allow someone to poke their head in. He had a white coat and a yellow mane that looked like it had received too much gel. Just seeing the stallion made everyone shiver for a moment, though almost all of them had no idea why. The stallion froze as his eyes widened like someone had shined a bright light in his face.
Instantly, Observer sat up straight and bellowed, “Nope!”
Before anyone could say another word, Observer jumped to his feet, and fast walked over to the door while repeatedly saying, “No, nuh-uh, nope, definitely not.”
When he reached the door, he pushed the stallion's head back out the hallway, while saying, “Noooooo.”
And with the shut of the door all was silent. Observer kept his hands on the door like the stallion would attempt to burst through at any moment. The visitors were plain confused, but the Ponies were conflicted with Observer’s actions, for reasons only the Observer knew of.
“I don’t think anything good will come if Blueblood was involved,” Observer grimaced, shivering again. Taking a deep breath he took a step away from the door as he clapped his hands. “Right! So, who’s ready for bed?”
***
Blueblood was definitely someone to avoid at all costs, I found in my line of work. Sure, there was the few Universes where he was good - pretty absurd in my opinion - but overall he was a cactus; so prickly and annoying that everyone gives it a wide berth. I could only imagine him being incinerated on the spot within thirty seconds of him speaking to the other interdimensional visitors. Well, actually, that wasn’t giving him enough credit. Probably fifteen seconds.
Nonetheless, I was pretty relaxed on the railing of Luna’s bedroom’s balcony, which was as big as that description. She was still speaking with Celestia - obviously about where everyone would sleep. They were on edge regarding another surprise birthday visit from, say, Megatron. Admittedly, I was the one who hoped he would make a visit, and in turn, everyone was dead against it. Megatron was undoubtedly evil, but darn it, he’s cool!
Lying on the railing, with my arms resting behind my head and legs propped up, I was pretty comfy. Which was quickly taken away when blue magic enveloped me and threw me against floor.
“Ahhh,” I said, looking up to Luna, eyeing me. She was so cruel when she wanted to. “I’m so tired of the floor, why don’t you throw me against the wall for a change of pace.”
She did exactly that, tossing my body right against the wall above the doorway. The pain, as always, was tremendous, but it was creative. It had been awhile since I had been thrown around like that.
“You will do well to keep your mouth shut,” Luna warned, stepping towards the railing. “It is already bad enough I have to shelter you for the night, but your infernal yelling is bound to wake the entire castle.”
I scoffed, peeling myself out of the wall as I grabbed a nearby ledge, “Please, you have Pinkie here. No one is getting sleep tonight.”
“I can hear you!” Pinkie’s voice echoed in the air.
“Sleep in heavenly peace!” I called back.
“Okay!” she said back, and with no further reply, I was content everyone could sleep soundly, as long as no one brought up parties. Luna shook her head, her tiredness seeping into me. I didn’t like it when that happened, I get all guilty and stuff. Always felt like bugs crawling around my heart. And considering that has never happened to me - Me, the Universe hopping dummy - that was saying something.
“Look, I know I can be annoying,” I admitted. I never liked saying that, but the truth was the truth, and by Applejack, I was sticking to it. “But I’m just trying to make some memories.”
Luna looked up to me, seeing me sitting on the ledge I had grabbed onto. She raised a brow before looking off into the horizon. “I do not care of your intentions, Observer. I for one do not want to remember the person who said my mane smelt of stars.”
“Oh, come on, that was funny,” I quipped, pointing to her. Her death stare would have killed me if I wasn’t immortal. Sighing, I got back on topic, holding my head up with an arm as my elbow rested against my lap. “Okay, think of it like this. I jump around all the time, seeing new and old people, getting into wacky and-slash-or grim adventures, and ultimately see people grow and change.”
Luna nodded. I suppose that was pretty obvious, given I had already explained this before hand not two hours ago. I could get repetitive sometimes, but it was hard to tell if this Luna was forgetful or not. It didn't help what I had to say was hard to speak of. I took a deep breath; this was going to be painful, and not the kind that could disappear like usual.
“I’ve seen you die, Luna,” I said, turning my gaze up to the stars, trying my hardest not to look to her, “Decapitation, drowning, burning, absolute vaporization… It hurts every time. And not just with you, everyone. From the people here to thousands of others across the Multiverse. Over and over and over again.”
Shoot, those memories were coming back. The screams sounded all the same, calling out to me.
“Try as I might,” I continued, “I can’t save everyone. As invincible as I am, I have to watch it all, from the good to the bad.”
“Observer…” Luna said, more on the note of my name than actually calling to me.
“So you caught on, huh?” I asked, finally looking to her. She was surprised, or maybe shocked. There was a difference somewhere, but I wasn’t in the mood to explore it… There I go again, trying to put humor into something so somber. I thought I had promised myself never to do that. “Observer. That’s me. Someone who inevitably only observes. I may joke a lot, Luna, but when it comes to death, I shut up and cry. May seem pathetic, but that’s another good thing about my mask. No one can ever see my tears.”
Luna looked to the floor, swallowing all that.
I sighed, hating the next part of my tale. I pushed off my ledge and landed on the floor, my hands slipping into my pockets. “And what’s worse is that I see people die, people I liked and tried to save, and later on, see them again in the next Universe. A never ending cycle, life and death. And who do people blame? The person who can’t die, anywhere. People starve, while I live. People are annihilated in the blink of an eye, while I remain. Who wouldn’t blame me? A joker who seems to never take anything seriously.”
“Do not hate me for this,” Luna finally spoke up, pawing at the ground, “But I am glad I do not have your life. I may have the semblance of immortality, but-”
“You actually can only live for so long?” I assumed, walking forward to stand by her.
Luna shook her head, not berating me for my quick guess, “We can only be killed by another Alicorn.”
“Right,” I said, putting a hand on my face, “I guess this is a different Universe.”
“Have assumptions like that ever been fatal?” Luna asked, turning to oversee the land.
“Yeah,” I answered, stepping onto the railing before sitting down, my legs dangling over the side, “And it’s killed a lot. A lot of good people.”
The pain was so unbearable. I didn’t think I could go on with the conversation. It didn’t help that I already had tears in my eyes. Every time I brought all this up, I was reminded of those who had died, all those wonderful people, snuffed out like a candle in the wind. And to see those same people die again and again and again…
I gripped my head. I couldn’t dwell on it, I couldn’t lose myself like last time. How I got out of that terrible moment… I wish I knew.
I had to concentrate on the present, when no one had died yet. I saved Fluttershy from the Creepers, right? That was something. Though, I had known a good creeper that killed himself to save his friends…
Luna placed a hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch as I looked back to her. Her frown spoke volumes to me. She was still alive, and she was a good guy - baring the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco, if it happened in this Universe. I hadn’t failed these Ponies yet. Nor those who had came here out of Sombra’s will, who was the bad guy here.
Having things so black and white was far better than gray morality. I knew who to protect, who to save. I couldn’t make a mistake. Taking a long breath, I ignored the pain in my heart. Time for a subject change.
“You know,” I started, seeing the magnificent land of Equestria, with its forests and small little towns, grand meadows and rounded mountain tops. “In one Universe, you had glasses on, and you looked weird. Like really weird. And with socks! Heh, you’d think you would steer clear of those, but people love seeing you in socks! I guess they haven’t seen you with socks on your ears.”
I half expected her to push me off, but instead I got a soft giggle from her. Relaxing a bit, I smiled underneath my mask. I had told several hundred people about my experiences in the multiverse - which was a far cry to what other people had to go through - but having someone not only listen but sympathize a little… It was nice.