I open the door to the TARDIS and Standing there is Lyra Heartstrings "Hi."
I groan "Hello... How can I help you?"
"Well, I have a proposition for you Doctor. Follow me."
"I'm quite fine right here, thank you."
She shrugs "Suit yourself. As you probably suspect, I represent a certain group of like-minded individuals, and even before we met, I knew you."
"Yes, because of the message I told you to give me."
She shakes her head "Sorry, poor choice of words. What I meant to say was I knew of you. You're a legend to many."
"Oh? In what way?"
"As a hero, a thing to search for, an OOPA."
I snort "That's a term I haven't heard in a long time."
"But it turns out that someone had a record of where and when you would appear and save the world. A journal if you will."
A shiver passes down my spine "Luna?"
"I can't say, because I myself don't know. You may not leave much evidence behind, but you aren't completely invisible Doctor."
I open my mouth to say something but she holds up her hoof "Let me finish. You are something that every historian, adventurer, and lunatic has searched for, and the first two make up my... coalition. And we have the means to ensure you are completely taken care of in one way or another."
"Why? How could you 'Take care' of me?"
"Well, besides the fact that you are completely mortal at the moment, you can't stand too much stress before dying. But there's one thing I think that you should always know."
Lyra smirks "I want you to know that your presence hasn't gone unnoticed by my people, Doctor."
"What do you mean?" I ask, leveling my gaze at her.
"'Torchwood'. Or at least, as it's called here, 'Flame Brand'. They gather and research chronomalies like your self. Things too advanced to exist where they are found, alien artefacts, and record it all. I believe you know of the ones back on Earth?"
I shiver "Yes, and I also know that they were destroyed."
"On Earth, yes, but this is not Earth. You see, they ejected their files through time to try and preserve their legacy. I found the records in a capsule years ago. I don't want to hurt you Doctor, we just want to go to the past to be with humanity. That's all."
The windows smash inwards and several ponies in suits and black sunglasses barge in, concussive heat blasters in their hooves "Freeze!"
I sigh "Are these your-" Lyra grits her teeth and the warehouse fills with gold light and the sound of falling bodies "... I guess not."
Lyra curses under her breath "No, but I know what these people are. They're Celestia's containment and black-ops corps. They detain any dangerous items or individuals and make them disappear, records, research papers, even a few cities. I've fought these censoring thugs for years." her horn glows and all of their guns float next to her "I'm not a killer Doctor, but these thugs are. We'll be good once we get them someplace- AUGH!"
A single thug stands, blood dripping down his face "That. Hurt."
Lyra grins, her whole body frozen "Agent Drops, how did you enjoy that all expense trip I sent you on?"
Agent Drops grits his teeth "You teleported me onto a cargo freighter in the Maretic circle!"
Lyra frowns mockingly "I was sure that you wouldn't settle for someplace tropical. Ah well, live and learn."
Agent Drops turns to me "Give me the blue box Alien."
Lyra spits, hitting Agent Drops' lenses "He won't do such a thing. Now..." her horn glows and she pops her neck "You really should know that I have an advantage of being nearly immune to your gun by now. Ah well, how about you just come a little closer so that I can give you a consolation prize for being such a good sport?"
Agent Drops smirks "Not like- Urgh!" the doors to the warehouse open and Ditzy walks in, a picnic basket in her mouth "Good morning Time Turner!"
Lyra shrugs "I told him... well, this is good too." she picks up agent Drops in her magic and kicks her in the side "You dead?"
Agent Drops mutters something and Lyra smiles "Good, I enjoy these little talks we have. But I'm afraid that our time is up. Bye bye!" her horn glows brightly and all of the agents disappear in a flash of light.
Ditzy walks over to us and cocks her head in confusion "Did I... miss something?"
"Nah, me and Time Turner were talking about some stuff and the suits decided to ruin it. I'm gonna go take a nap, you two kids behave now!"
"'Kids'?! I'm over nine hundred years old!"
Ditzy laughs "She's funny."
Crazy as a fox more like... I think to myself.
"A... picnic? You chose to have a picnic instead of going to space or something?"
"I'm a funny mare Doctor, besides, when was the last time you've had a picnic?"
"... Not in the past three hundred years or so." I reply, helping her set it up "But why did you want a picnic?"
She smiles and I think both of my hearts palpitate for a split second. Odd. "I wanted to have a nice picnic with one of my best friends! Is that so suspect?"
"I... suppose not." I reply, looking around at the scenery "This is a nice venue for some relaxation."
She nods and produces a loaf of bread and some mason jars "Toast?"
"That's... untoasted bread, Ditzy."
She rolls her eyes "I know that! But..." she set a slice on a plate and spreads her wings "Observe practical magic and physics."
Suddenly her wings start to vibrate unperceptively and she starts rubbing her hooves together over the bread. Her eyes focus solely on the bread that starts to brown and flake "How on Earth are you doing that?! That's not possible!"
She lowers her wings and picks up the toast, slathering some jam onto it and taking a bite "Guess how."
"I... I don't know, did you have some kind of remotely microwaving device?"
She rolls her eyes again "Microwaving doesn't cause the caramelizing of carbohydrates Doctor."
I bite my lip in thought " Well, the temperature didn't change so you couldn't have used most heating appliances... aha! You used your wings to lower the Atmospheric Pressure! You created a vacuum and used the heat your hooves made to raise the temperature! It's so simple!"
She smiles "Correct! See, that's why I chose a hill in a sunny spot. It created more warmth and less temperature from being above sea level. Hardly anypony tires to apply basic thermal physics to casual life. I can even use my wings like a lighter!" she flexes one wing and flicks two feathers, a small ember appears on the top one "Simple friction and lowered pressure."
I laugh "That's brilliant! And you say that you're one of the few who utilize it?"
"Well, I learned it from my mother who learned it from her father... it's kind of something everypony in my family is taught when we get out of flight school. It's a pretty useful trick but...' she flicks her wing, extinguishing the ember "It's kind of hard to do at the drop of a hat, I need to know the exact pressure of the place I'm in, otherwise it won't work or I'll catch more than what I want on fire."
"But the fact that you can is impressive in itself!"
She blushes slightly "Oh stop it... it's nothing special. If anypony was bored they'd eventually do it themselves."
I snort "Trust me, it'd take actual thinking to come up with a thing, you're too modest."
Ditzy blushes further and hides behind her wings "I'm not that smart... I'm just... lucky to have smart friends."
"Ditzy, why are you so... self-depreciating? You are brilliant and kind, and I have never met someone with both of those characteristics in so long."
She looks away from me and I turn her back to face me.
She's crying and her face is flushed "I'm not unique Doctor! Sure, I may be a little lucky to have an interest in the more esoteric of the sciences, but that's it! I'm weird! I'm clumsy! I have nothing going for me but my friends and a stable job! You're the brilliant one! You've seen the wonders and mysteries of time and space and who but you knows what else! You're over nine hundred years old and I'm only... only... eighteen. Doctor, I'm not even old enough for hard cider. I've had more jobs than anypony twice my age!" she coughs "I can't even carry a conversation with somepony without forgetting what the topic was halfway through a sentence."
I smile "And what have we been doing in the time we've known each other?"
Her brow furrows in confusion "Adventuring?"
"Talking. A little adventuring, sure, but you've managed to speak perfectly when we talk." I reply, placing a hoof on her shoulder "You've got a brilliant mind and a radiant personality. What's stopping you from becoming famous and respected?"
"... I like the anonymity. I don't like to stand out. When other ponies look at me, I get nervous. And when I get nervous, I crash into things or lose my focus or choke on my words. Doctor... you've got all of the confidence in the entire universe, you're cunning, inventive, ingenious, and outgoing. You've got so much goodness in your heart that I can't even fathom why you are always running from something."
I bite my lip "I'm not the hero you think I am Ditzy. I've done many horrible, inexcusable things in my life. I've let whole worlds burn, I've watched entire civilizations fade to nothing, I've led friends to their deaths... I'm not a hero Ditzy, I'm just me."
Ditzy glares at me "I refuse to believe you 'Let' all of those things happen. I know that you are trying your hardest to be a hero, to be a good pony. I may be a single, unremarkable pony, but I know you're a hero Doctor. Now stop trying to be so negative and enjoy this picnic!!"
I start to laugh "You... you... Oh boy, you tell me to not be hard on myself, and yet you are always undermining your own confidence!"
She shrugs "I'm a hypocrite, I'm only human."
"Yes that- Wait, did you say you're 'Only human'?"
She nods, spreading jam on toast I hadn't noticed she'd made "It's something Lyra always says when she screws up."
I shake my head and smile "Yes, Ms. Heartstrings, she's an interesting individual. Doesn't she remind you of Midnight?"
Ditzy laughs "Yeah... they both are a bit out there. Wonder what would happen if they ever met?"
"Ms. Heartstrings! Please tell me what's wrong!" Midnight yells, flying above us "Ditzy! Lyra came to Canterlot and I followed her and for some reason, she went to the castle and ran out crying! She teleported here but I can't find her!"
Ditzy takes flight "She'll be at the old castle, follow me!"
He shakes his head "I know where that is, thanks."
Ditzy stops him "She's our friend too, we're coming too."
He grins "Thanks, she needs all the friends she can get."
We land in the centre of the castle's top floor, but Lyra is nowhere to be found "Now where could she-"
Midnight spreads his wings and shushes me "... This way." he trots to a wall and pulls a cornice down, which opens a passageway "Follow me."
We walk through an unlit corridor and the sounds of sobbing echo from the end of it "Lyra?" Midnight calls.
The sobbing stops and a ball of golden magic shoots towards Midnight which he dodges "Yup, that's her."
Sitting in a poorly lit room is Lyra Heartstrings, her mane and fur a mess of tears and split ends "Wh-what do you want?"
Midnight walks over to her and taps her cheek softly "Several things." He pulls back his hoof and slaps her across the room.
"Midnight!!" Ditzy and I yell and a blast of gold magic hits Midnight square in the chest "That. HURT!" Lyra yells, charging at him.
Midnight side steps her and slaps her side with a wing as she just misses him "Is that best a well taught unicorn can do? A little heat and a blind, linear charge? Pathetic."
She growls and her horn fills the room with light and Midnight snorts, pulling his hat down over his eyes "Oh, I forgot you can make a big ball of light too. I'm far from impressed."
"Midnight! Why are you doing this?!" I yell, running to him but Ditzy grabs my tail "I think he knows what he's doing."
"I'm simply showing this whelp that isolating herself isn't the solution to problems. Heck, her problems, what ever they may be, are miniscule compared to mine."
Lyra crouches and charges her horn "Shut up!!"
Midnight pulls his hat back up and rolls his eyes "No, you see... you may have memories, good and painful I'm guessing, but the fact of the matter is, you have the advantage of having memories. Someone, I forget their name, said 'We are nothing more than the sum of our memories and experiences.' That's a nice sentiment, truly, but there's one problem here... I don't have anything to exceed a sum of zero. You say that your memories are lies, then so what?" he shrugs "At least you have some experiences to keep you yourself. I have Jack Diddley Squat!"
Lyra rolls her eyes and her horn fires several bolts of light that swarm towards Midnight "Oh? That's the best you have? I expected more than just some fireworks." He flaps his wings, blinding Lyra with dust. The bolts of magic fade to sparkles and Lyra sighs "You... you... Ugh! Why are you so... you?"
He shrugs "Iono who 'Me' is, but it seems that such an individual is quite superior to you at the moment. So, what's got you so... angry ms. Heartstrings?"
"Bonbon..." she growls.
"What about her?" Ditzy asks.
"She's one of... them." she spits.
"I... think you may need to elucidate on who 'Them' are." Midnight suggests, adjusting his hat.
"Celestia's censorship goons. The ones who hid the tome of Anthropology, the ones who harass me weekly, and you know what makes matters worse? She's my worst enemy. She's Agent Sweetie Drops."
"You mean that stallion you talked to at the warehouse?" I ask.
"Bonbon has always been good at changing her voice and make-up. It shouldn't come as a surprise she'd be a master of disguise. She betrayed me! She probably told the Princess all of my theories, all of my safe houses, all of my plans! She's undermined my entire life!!" she yells, her eyes glowing with magic "I trusted her! She's been my best friend since elementary school! I told her things that no one else knows! I... I... I fucking loved her!" she grits her teeth "I... I was going to ask her out on a date tonight... I had the whole evening planned out... I'm such an idiot. She would've just told me she was straight and even if she was, she'd keep her distance because something might tip me off to her secret..."
Midnight groans "Wait, Agent Sweetie Drops? She was the one who tried to shoot one of my new friends and has been following me all over Canterlot for the past two days. To think that the mare who you liked is also a mare who wants to see me in leg irons are the same... this is just peachy."
Ditzy's shoulders fall "And... I told her all of my theories on space and technology... she's probably the one who told Princess Celestia about my generators... I co-signed the lease to her house out of the friendship we had..."
I bite my lips "I... I haven't known her too long, but I can't say I can trust her either. I think it might be best if we just-"
Midnight grits his teeth "She made my best friend cry... betrayed her trust and more... that is a thing I can't overlook. You can hurt me all you want, I don't care, but you hurt a friend of mine? I will hunt you down and make you pay."
I stop him "Midnight, revenge isn't something that anyone should do."
He looks at me with his cold, empty, ice-blue eyes and I suppress a chill "It'd be revenge if Ditzy or Lyra did it, I'm just enacting justice on one who has done ill to those I care for. I will take no joy or amusement from what I am about to do, but it is necessary."
"No. She's the one who hurt me, and I think that I should be the one to get some answers. Midnight, don't follow me, I'm going to go alone. That goes for both of you two as well. I'm doing this alone."
She walks out of the room and down the corridor, her head held firm.
Once the door shuts, Midnight rubs his face "Urgh... that was an ordeal in itself..."
Ditzy cocks her head "What do you mean?"
"I mean that I had no idea if it would work or not. Lucky for me, it did. Honestly, did you really think I would do something?"
Both of us nod and he chuckles "Apparently I'm a good actor. I roughed her up to get Lyra to realize what made her hurt the most, Bonbon's betrayal. And I said and did all of that to get her to take matters into her own hands once she realized that she didn't want Bonbon to be hurt by someone who doesn't know what happed on the level she does. It's simple manipulation and it worked perfectly."
Ditzy frowns, poking his chest "And were The Doctor and I part of your plan?"
"Nope, I really meant what I said when we joined up, she needs to know that she has friends."
Ditzy stares at his face for any sign of deceit and sighs, obviously not finding any "That's not what a friend does."
"'A good friend tells you everything is going to be okay, a true friend will help you solve your problems and takes you out for drinks later'. I read that in one of Luna's books I think."
I sigh "Come on, I suppose we have to go and make sure everything is... somewhat normal."
Midnight grins "See? The house is still standing and otherwise unharmed. I told you everything is going to be fine."
Ditzy presses her ear to the door "... and there seems to be talking..."
Midnight brushes past Ditzy and opens the door "Lyra! Bonbon! You trying to kill each other?!"
Ditzy and I run to him, glaring "What are you doing?!"
He blinks and shrugs "Being direct. And if they didn't want others walking in, they should lock their doors."
Ditzy picks up a scorched knob "Uhm... I think Lyra blew off the mechanism when she came here. So the door couldn't be locked."
He rolls his eyes "Well they should've removed the other half of the lock from the outside and put a wedge under the door to keep it locked. Anyways, they haven't responded so that means one of two things. One: they didn't hear me. Two, they are engaging in something strenuous and can't spare the oxygen to respond."
"'Something strenuous'?" I ask, confused.
"That mean one of three thing my dear Doctor; sex, combat, and slash or they've yelled so much they're out of breath."
Ditzy shudders "Lyra!! Bonbon!! Where are-"
A door in front of midnight opens and Lyra sticks her head out, her mane even further disheveled "Don't you understand what a sock on the door means?!"
Midnight shrugs "I think I lost my recognition for social norms and trends with my memories. What does it mean?"
Lyra blushes "Just... go home Midnight, I've got it taken care of."
He smiles "Alrighty then! Come on Doc and Ditzy, I suggest we go get some celebratory sweets."
I wave to Lyra who shoos us away "That was... interesting."
Ditzy nods, blushing "Yeah... but Midnight was right, it did work out for the best."
"Yes, I suppose it did somehow..." I mutter Somehow he has understanding of psychology, yet states he doesn't understand social morays. He has excellent intuition and knowledge of technology, yet has no explanation for it. He doesn't seem to want to remember who he is, yet somehow discovers parts it. He's doing the exact opposite of what most would do in his situation, and still comes out on top. He's clever, no doubt about that, but he's almost too clever. He befriended two apparently powerful and intelligent ponies, and yet has the tact of an infant.
Could his amnesia be an act?
Sighing, I follow him to an brightly colored shoppe "What is this place?"
"Beats the ever evolving chaotic eddies in a perfect system out of me. Maud said that she wanted to introduce me to her sister. Hey! I have knowledge of chaos theory! Wooo! I'm a member of an esoteric study!" He pumps a hoof in the air.
"... Okay, what's the worst that could happen?" I mutter, rolling my eyes ... Or maybe he's a complete genius with no memories.