"... and that's when she stopped paying any attention to me, lamenting over the lack of her, ehem, 'BBBFF'... whatever that means."
"It stands for 'Big Brother Best Friends Forever'," High Roller explained.
"Ah, that makes sense then. Am I correct in assuming that the one called 'Shining Armor' is the one she was referring to?"
"You are correct. Praise the Sun!"
"Uh, Praise the Sun, I guess," Regular Polygon, the newest recruit of S.A.S.S., noble by birth, mathematician by trade (and cutie mark) and romantic by heart, nodded, confused as to what a Paladin of the Sun was doing in a place like this. "So, her and her big brother, are they...?"
There was an awkward silence throughout the room, until High Roller coughed and gave them the most diplomatic answer he could think of. "Th-that's to be determined. We lack the proper data."
"Though it wouldn't be all that surprising!"
"It would explain why so many of us failed."
"Disgusting!"
After another moment of awkward silence, it was Red Velvet's turn to break the tension. She coughed and turned to the new member. "So, why would Al Capony try to foalnap you anyway?"
Polygon shrugged. "Even though I am but a simple teacher, I was born to a wealthy family. My family would pay a rather large sum to get me back."
"That must've been horrible! I can't even begin to imagine how you must've felt!"
"I can!" Red Hope interrupted them, crossing his hooves, glaring at one particular pony.
Con slumped in his chair, looking away, blushing. "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry before you stop blaming me?"
"I'll let you know when I've had enough." I will NEVER let you live it down.
"Speaking of which, Red," Con turned back to his friend "when are you going to confess again? I promise I won't foalnap you this time!"
Some cooing ensued, as now all the glares were aimed at Red Hope. He coughed. "T-that's none of your business!"
Regular Polygon tilted his head. "Wasn't this club only for those who gave up?"
"Red here's a special case," explained High Roller "he wasn't actually rejected by Twilight Sparkle...yet. Because SOMEPONY," he glared at the sheepishly smiling Con "thought it was a good idea to stop him!"
"I said I'm sorry."
"But since he's a jolly good fella, we made him our honorary member!"
"Why thank you for the honor!" He deadpanned.
Con smiled and nudged his friend. "I keep telling you, Red, you don't actually have to come to every meeting, you know? You do it all on your own free will."
"Yes, you do bring up a good point. Which is why," he stood up from his chair "I will leave you of my own free will! Unless somepony wants to foalnap me again!"
"Hey, I learned my lesson." With that said Red Hope truly left, which he sometimes did, usually when they teased him a little too much. He would usually come back anyway, of his own free will, so nopony felt bad about it. Once Red was gone, Con looked at the others and smiled slyly. "Though I can't speak for everypony else..."
Silence. Everypony glared in the same direction. The pony in question looked around and raised an eyebrow. "What? Why is everypony looking at me like that?"
"No reason, Ice Cold. No reason at all."
I need to find more friends. Preferably a few that have NOTHING to do with Twilight Sparkle, for a change.
Red Hope sighed. He walked home alone through the deserted streets of Canterlot. S.A.S.S. meetings were starting later and later because most fellows were productive members of the society and had real, 9/5 jobs, some even having families to take care of. He knew at least two members who, after getting their hearts broken by 'The Purple Flank' (I swear, these nicknames are getting sillier each day) found actual love, got married and were in the process of adopting a foal. It's cute that they found each other because of S.A.S.S. And kinda surprising how both left the closet at the same time! They remained active members and appeared at every meeting, serving as a rare example of 'cured' specimens. They were in the minority, literally!
"Dude, lend me a hoof, will ya?"
Red stopped when he saw a deep blue pegasus stallion waving at him. He looked around to see if there was anypony he could be mistaken for, but he was alone. Alone, in front of a rundown, five stories tall apartment building ready to be demolished to give place for a more modern apartment complex, if the sign next to it was to be believed. Red swallowed, staying on alert in case this was a trap. After hearing Regular Polygon's story he opted on being more careful, in case more Al Capony's cronies were around. Or S.A.S.S. pranksters. Either way, it was dangerous to go alone, but he couldn't just ignore the guy.
"What's the problem?" He asked, eyeing the stranger for signs of anything suspicious. He wasn't wearing any clothes, so there wasn't anywhere he could be hiding a weapon. His cutie mark was a grey cloud with two lightning bolts coming out of it. With a cutie mark as generic as that he has to be a member of the Weather Patrol, he thought.
"I need to get this anvil up there," he pointed first at a big, heavy looking object that was lying by the ruined doorway, then at the top floor "but I kinda overestimated my own strength. What'ya say we carry it together? With the two of us it should be no problem at all."
Red hummed. There could've been an ambush waiting for him inside, but...
"I'll pay ya one hundred bits!"
Curse my kind heart! "No, it's okay, I don't need money." He concentrated his magic on the anvil and few seconds later, it was levitating in the air with no problem.
"Woah! Isn't this too heavy for magic users?"
Red allowed himself a smirk. "I'm casting a 'Feather Weight' spell on it. It weights about as much as a pillow."
The stranger nodded, his eyes wide. "Awesome!"
"Where do you need it?"
"On the roof. I'll meet you there." And then he flied away, leaving Red with his no longer heavy load. He braced himself and went inside, ready to throw the weightless anvil at the first pony he saw, whether it was a gangster, or a S.A.S.S. member. Especially a S.A.S.S. member!
On the way there... nothing happened. Well, that was anticlimactic! He eventually ended up on the roof, where the generic pegasus was already waiting. Red noticed a few more objects nearby: a long rope; a coin purse; and a sealed envelope, among other things. The stranger was more than happy to see him and his anvil.
"Sweet, thanks a lot! Here, you can have this!" He tossed the coin purse to Red, who caught it with his hooves for a change.
"I told you, I don't have to get paid for this!" Red opened the bag and looked inside. His eyes went wide open. "Woah, there's a lot more than a hundred bits here! More like... almost a thousand!? I can't take this!"
"It's cool, I won't need it where I'm going."
"What do you mea--W-WOAH!" The purse landed on the ground, sending stray coins everywhere, as Red noticed that the pegasus just put the anvil on the edge of the roof and tied the rope neatly over it, with its other end tied to his neck! "What in Celestia's Sweet Flank are you doing!?"
The stranger blinked. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
Red opened his mouth for a moment, but it took him a few seconds to form a sentence. "A-are you trying to kill yourself?"
The stranger sighed with relief. "Oh, thank Celestia, I thought you were thinking I was doing something stupid."
"There's nothing smart about killing yourself!" He shook his head and made a step towards the stallion. "Look, just leave the anvil alone and come here, we'll work it out!"
"I already made up my mind."
"Then change it!"
"Not an option, really."
"Yes, it is an option! Ugh, just, just don't move anywhere!"
"To be fair, I won't be moving by myself once this baby's off..."
"NOT HELPING!" Think fast, think fast, think fast... Okay, idea! "Uh, what if somepony finds you down there? You don't want to scar some innocent ponies, do you?"
"It's okay," he waved his hoof, looking past the edge "the coast is clear and nopony lives here anymore, I checked."
"It's not okay! What about me?"
"As long as you stay where you are and don't look down..."
"And how about you don't jump and don't make me look like a murderer?"
"We've been over this, I'm not changing my mind. If the police asks, just give them that envelope over there. It's a farewell letter, it should disperse all the confusion."
Red facehooved. "Ugh, this is the stupidest conversation I've had in my entire life!" Which is saying something!
"Nah, don't be so hard on yourself. In fact, I'm glad my last conversation was with a nice guy like you. I was worried you'd be a jerk, but you're actually pretty considerate. I appreciate that."
"How about you thank me more over a drink? Which you can buy me with this money you tried to give me?"
"My barn door doesn't swing that way, though I'm flattered. If that helps, get your friends a round for me with my money. It'll make me feel better."
"You know what'll make you feel better? LIVING!"
"Look, time's running out and I'm sure you have plenty of stuff to do this evening, so don't mind me. I'll just do this..." with one last wave goodbye, he pushed the anvil out of the roof. "ByestrangersorryIforgotaboutaskingyourname!"
Red extended his hoof and yelled. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
CRASH!
The sound of the anvil hitting the ground resounded for miles away, sending a big shockwave around it's impact zone. Once the dust settled, a pony on the roof blinked, looking at the mess on the ground level.
"Huh... something went wrong."
"You think?"
The pegasus, still standing on the roof, scratched his head, as he looked at the anvil, with rope attached to it, but not to a dead body, his or otherwise. He touched the rope on his neck and inspected its entire length, until he noticed a cut mark on it's end. "Dude, not cool!"
Red shrugged nonchalantly. "Deal with it!"
"When did you even do this?"
"Around the time I mentioned 'scarring innocent ponies'. I'm good with magic, but I don't trust my diplomatic skills."
"Huh, crafty!" He looked over at the ground again. "Darn, now we have to get that thing here all over again! Can you help me get it back here? With your magic it should be a breeze!"
"No."
"Oh come on, don't be like that! It's your fault we have to do it again!"
"No."
"I'll pay you 200 bits?"
"No!"
"...300?"
"No!"
"Hard bargain, huh? Okay, how about you take all my savings, they're all in the purse!"
"NO!"
"Cut me some slack, I'm only a regular weather pony! I'm working minimum wages!"
"NO! Besides, you were already giving me that entire bag earlier."
"Okay, fine, I'll find a way to get it back here by myself then, thank you very much!" He huffed and was about to fly down, but an invisible force glued his hooves to the roof. He groaned and turned his head to Red. "Do you mind?"
"Yes, I do mind! Why in the world were you trying to kill yourself, with an anvil tied to your neck, at that?"
"Because if I jumped without it, survival instinct would take over and I would just land safely, duh!" Eye rolling ensued. "That's 'Pegasi 101'!"
"I meant, why kill yourself at all? What's so wrong with your life that you want to end it?"
The stallion went silent. He pouted and turned his head away from Red. "I don't wanna talk about it." He sat down, slumped his shoulders and made a deep sigh.
Red released his spell and walked to the pegasus, sitting next to him. "You'll feel better if you tell somepony about it, you know?" The stranger said nothing, lowering his head even more. "Problems with work?" He asked, getting only a lazy head shaking in response. "Death in family?" Another shake ensued. "You're terminally ill?" Shake. "Your favourite line of books concluded and the hero ended up with your least favourite love interest?" Here, instead of a headshake, he earned a raised eyebrow and suspicious glare. "I'll take that as a no." He waited a while, then asked the question that was going on his mind for this entire time. "Stallion of your dreams won't return your feelings?"
The pegasus instantly stood up and lashed at Red. "It wasn't a stallion, but a mare! I told you I don't swing that wa--... oh crap!" He shut his mouth with his hooves, but it was too late.
Red allowed himself an arrogant smirk. Prooooo-greeeeeessss! "Of course, it always has to be a mare," he yawned, rolling his eyes. "Sheesh, I wish some ponies would find a better reason to kill themselves these days!" Come on, out with it! Take the bait!
He took the bait. "It's not JUST a mare! She was the... the one! She was perfect! Well, not 'perfect' perfect, she had flaws, quite a few of them actually, but they only made her good side stand out more! I've had marefriends before, but all of them turned out awful, except fot her... just... oh, why do I even bother?" He sat down in a fetal position, facing away from Red. "You wouldn't understand!"
"I had an interesting last few months. Try me."
After a short pause, the pegasus finally relented, sighed and started his story. "It began a week ago. I was just finishing my job, all that was left were a few small clouds and my shift was over! Nothing was getting between me, my friends and a marathon of "Iron Mare" movies... don't laugh, it's a masterpiece!"
"I have a MK VI figurine in my room, I'm not judging!"
The stallion blushed. "Oh... okay then. Anyway, I was so excited that I flew full speed ahead without any care when suddenly, sweet, purple flanks on the ground! One moment of distraction was all it took for me to slam into the chimney! DON'T JUDGE!"
"I'm not judging. I've seen worse."
"So, as I was falling to my death, suddenly!"
Dramatic pause!
"I landed not on the stone street, but in something soft and bouncy. When I regained my senses, I was on some sort of purple energy bubble! And that's when I saw her face, as she leaned to look at me, asking in her beautiful, angelic voice: 'Are you alright?' I was speechless! Though to be fair, it was mostly because of the concussion, but the point stays!"
Red blinked. There's no way... It can't be... "What happened then?"
"I couldn't say anything coherent at that time, when an ambulance picked me up and drove me to the nearest hospital. I couldn't get her name, but I did remember that she had two friends with her. One mentioned how cute I was, she wasn't ugly by any means, but not even close to 'the one'!"
Red's eye twitched. It's impossible! "Yeah, and...?"
"Once I got out of the hospital, I started looking her up, asking questions about her and her friends and eventually I found her on the same road I almost died on. I waited for a few hours before she finally showed up! So I talked to her, asked her out and she quickly rejected me. But I decided to never give up! I showed up there every day, offering her flowers, gifts, poetry and stuff, but she rejected me every single time. It finally concluded yesterday, when she wasn't alone, but with a large, menacing unicorn stallion, easily twice her size. He told me to lay off of her, that she didn't want to see me and if I din't stop, he would do something 'else' about it... which, now that I think about it, was competely justified since I looked like a creepy stalker. No wonder she was so afraid of me!"
Red hummed for a while, before shrugging. "Eh, I've still seen worse."
"I couldn't stop thinking about it all day yesterday and this morning I made a final decision. You know the rest."
Red nodded. "So all of this because you couldn't date Twilight Sparkle?"
"Yeah, it's kinda silly now that I think abou-- wait a minute, I never told you her name! How did you...?"
"A hunch." My life is on a goddamn loop!
The stranger blinked. "O-kay," a few moments passed "do you think I still have a chance with her friend? The one that called me cute? Just this time I'll try to be more natural, no more creepy stuff. Yeah... yeah..." He smiled brightly, his gaze shifted into the now starry sky. "I can already feel my motivation coming back to me! You were right, talking about it made me feel a lot better! Thank you!"
"No problem." Red said, standing up and walking towards the roof exit.
"Where are you going?"
"To get the anvil back."
"It's okay, I don't need it anymore, I'm fine now!"
"Not for you."
The pegasus blinked twice, before rushing after his new comrade. "Woah, don't make any rash decisions! Let's talk this one out..."
Few minutes later, the pair of new near-suicidal friends was walking through the dark streets.
"So, I didn't catch your name before."
"Red Hope. And you?"
"Thunder Snow. Nice to meet you."
"Likewise. I think."
Moments passed.
"You know, you got the Thunder part down perfectly, but..."
Thunder Snow sighed. "I'm not much of a 'Snow'?"
Red blushed and turned away. "Sorry, didn't mean to insult you, it just..."
"Stands out, yeah," he sighed "that was my father's idea. His special talent was managing snow storms and he really wanted a proper heir. They reached a compromise in the middle. My mother wanted to name me Thunder Boom."
Red smiled. "Genetics failed him, huh?"
"You could say that. But it was mostly my mom," he said, shrugging with his wings "I won't go over the details, but let's just say that 'uncle Bomber' wasn't my actual uncle, if you get what I mean." He smiled and winked slyly. Moments later, his smile soured. "Too much information?"
Red nodded. "Too much information."
"Well, this is awkward..." Thunder Snow turned his head away for a moment. They walked like this for a few more seconds, before he coughed and tried to change the topic. "So, tell me more about this little club of yours?"
"For one, it's not awkward at all!"
"Really?"
"No."