I usually get home an hour before Dinky, so the house is quiet for now. It feels like my wings are about to fall right off my back when I stretch them. I make a living as a delivery mare in Ponyville. The money is great, but I spend nearly the whole day flying from one place to another making sure the mail gets to its destination on time. But I’m home now, and I’m ready for a nice, long nap. It must have been a really good one, too, because before I knew it Dinky came rushing into the house with her voice loud as the dickens.
“Mom, mom!” she yelled to me. The shockwaves from her voice gave me a splitting headache. My eyes shot open and I catch a glimpse of her trying to shake me awake, even though I am. “You won’t believe what happened at school today!”
I try my best to give her my attention, but it’s no use. I feel myself dozing off. “Can you tell me it later, sweety?” I yawn. “I had a very busy day at work.” Dinky begs me to listen to her story, which she claims is truly amazing, but I lose my senses to sleep. She was silent after a few minutes, so I think she agreed to tell her story later. It’s not that I’m not interested in hearing about my daughter’s amazing day at school; I love her very much, she’s one of the very few precious things I have in this crazy world, but first things first.
An hour later I snap back to the real world and climb out of my comfortable couch to prepare for dinner. I hear Dinky laughing at cartoons in the TV room. It’s good to know she’s not upset with me. I can’t remember her being upset about anything, or maybe I haven’t noticed it. I make spaghetti and mushrooms with garlic bread for dinner. I take out the parmesan cheese on the table for Dinky. Whenever we have spaghetti for dinner she loves to make a cheese mountain on her plate. Sometimes it gets on the table, making myself thoroughly clean it before I can move on. I call Dinky for dinner when the table is set, but first she has to wash her hooves. We dig in, and I see her stuffing her face and lifting a huge chunk of spaghetti wrapped around her fork. It’s one of those moments that I’m glad we don’t eat out much. I remember that I promised that I listen to her story. An important lesson I learned from my friend Pinkie Pie is to never break promises.
“Were you going to tell me what happened at school today?” I asked.
She lifts her head and reveals two swollen cheeks with marinara sauce smeared all over them. Dinky swallows and her cheeks are normal, but sauce is still on her mouth, and I remind her to use a napkin. Wiping her face clean, she begins to recount her day at school, where, once again she claims as amazing. I let her go uninterrupted, and these are her exact words:
“The story I’m about to tell is the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and if I’m lying may I be struck by lightning on this very spot! It all started yesterday when Miss Cheerilee told the class to bring something for show-and-tell. Everypony brought something they really like. Do you know that lucky rock I got for my birthday? I brought it to school today. I told the class how it brought good luck to me when anything bad happens. Everypony thought it was weird, but they liked it. Then Snails brought his life-size figure of Captain Equestria he won in a contest when the movie came out last year.
“Me and Snails were the only ones who didn’t bring any pets, because everyone else did. Pipsqueak had a pet owl that wore a red and yellow scarf, and he says his family from Trottingham also have owls, that way they can send letters to each other. Twist had two pet hermit crabs. They don’t do much, all they ever do is sleep all day, but I thought they were cute. Featherweight showed the class his pet iguana, which changed colors, but it changed into too many colors that it fainted. He’s okay. Sweetie Belle brought her pet cat, but it didn’t like anypony very much. I don’t think it likes her, either. It kept trying to get away from her. Miss Rarity came to school to take it home later. This one filly who's really strong brought a duck. Button Mash brought his tarantula, but Miss Cheerilee screamed and made him put it away. Apple Bloom brought her dog and everypony liked her.
“Then Diamond Tiara was next. Her pet was a poodle, and she said it was the greatest poodle in the world, and better than the pets the rest of the class have, especially Apple Bloom's dog. You should've seen the fire in her eyes when Diamond Tiara said that. It was a purebred - whatever that means, and she taught it tricks. When she told it to roll-over, it rolled over. When she told it to play dead, it laid on its back on the floor with its tongue sticking out of its mouth. When she said to stand on two legs, it did. Diamond Tiara even taught it to sing, although it was more like howling. I don’t remember anyone clapping for her, but I thought it was pretty cool, sort of.
“Scootaloo was next. She carried a cage that was covered in cloth. She told the class that they will remember this day as long as they lived, and that she has the greatest thing in the world. She pulled the cloth and there was frog. No one got excited, but Scootaloo said it wasn’t an ordinary frog - it was the most amazing frog in the world! She said she spent three months training it to do tricks. Everypony laughed, but Scootaloo took the frog out of its cage. She put the frog on the floor and told it to do a backflip, and guess what - it did!
“We were all shocked, even Miss Cheerilee! Scootaloo told the frog to do another backflip, and it did again! We all got out of our seats to get a closer look! She told it to stand on its tongue, and it did just that! Scootaloo made it do all sorts of tricks - it even juggled! We were so amazed! Even Silver Spoon wanted to get a picture of it on her phone! But Diamond Tiara was not happy about that, not even her dog. She marched up to Scootaloo and challenged her to a pet-off during recess, the best pet wins show-and-tell, and Scootaloo agreed. Secretly we all wanted Scootaloo to win, and Silver Spoon was on Diamond Tiara’s side because they’re friends and stuff.
“Recess finally came. Nopony played games or anything, but we gathered around and watched Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara’s pets. The first thing they had them do was jump through a flaming hula hoop, but I think Miss Cheerilee heard us because she yelled through the window that it was dangerous, so we couldn’t use fire. The poodle and the frog both jumped through it, but everypony liked the frog more than the dog. Next they had them stand while holding things on the top of their heads. Diamond Tiara’s poodle had a pile of books on her head while Scootaloo’s frog had rocks; not just small rocks, but rocks as big as my head! We were afraid the rocks were going to crush it, but the frog kept standing, even on one leg! Diamond Tiara got so angry when everyone cheered for Scootaloo.
“The pet-off went on, and they did all sorts of crazy things! The frog and the poodle raced each other around the courtyard. It was a tie but Diamond Tiara believed she won. She thought her dog was faster than Scootaloo’s frog, and she also said it cheated because it didn’t ran at all, it hopped all the way to the finish line, but nopony cared. Next thing the pets did was circus tricks. Diamond Tiara’s poodle acted like a seal and bounced a ball on its nose, but we really liked it when Scootaloo’s frog juggled stuff while riding a unicycle! Then her poodle jumped on a pogostick. I thought it was pretty nice, but the frog spun plates on sticks with its tongue! Diamond Tiara became angrier than before, and told her poodle to sing a song! Scootaloo did the same thing and the frog grabbed a hat and kicked his legs in the air and sang some kind a jazz song! The poodle did jumping jacks while the frog was hamboning!
“Diamond Tiara couldn’t take it anymore. Now she said she wanted the pets to fight each other! Whoever wins is the pet of the century! Scootaloo said that she’s been teaching her frog martial arts months ago, and that it’ll win no matter what! Diamond Tiara said her poodle knows taekwondog-jitsu, and has been training for years! Then they - “
A telephone call interrupted her story. I politely excuse myself from the table to answer it. Apparently, my friend Cloud Kicker had left her mouth opened for too long and a fly got stuck in her throat. She was very frantic about it. I simply told her to stay calm and go to the hospital or have somepony do an abdominal thrust on her, then hung up. If only you could listen to some of the calls I get.
“So who was the greatest pet in the world?” I asked returning to the table.
Dinky was deep in thought, her hoof tapping her chin lightly, her eyes to the ceiling. “Actually, neither of them won. Recess was over and everypony had to go back inside. Diamond Tiara’s mother came to school to take the dog home, and I think Scootaloo’s frog jumped out of a window.”
I nodded. I should have seen this coming. However, last week she ended the story of Snips and Snails and the space aliens the same way. “I have to say, that was a really amazing story.” Dinky smiled. We finished dinner, cleared the table, then she retreated to the TV room to watch more of her cartoons. As I clean the dishes I chuckle to myself, wondering where she get her crazy ideas from.