“Um, your majesty I don’t mean to seem rude but I don’t see the importance of such a minor typographical error.” Rarity stated.
Twilight gasped. “The Census,” she exclaimed before hugging Pinkie tighter as if she would vanish on the spot. “That’s impossible.”
“Ah, hello!” Rainbow Dash commented. She then held up a book and opened it to a bookmarked page. There on the page next to a picture of Pinkie was the word ‘Impossible’ in bold print. The picture almost seemed to be moving on its own.
“Ah, sugercube where’d you get that dictionary from?” asked a worried Applejack.
Rainbow Dash blinked, as if only then realizing what she was holding. “I… don’t really know.”
“But… but,” Twilight began.
“Look Twi it’s Pinkie related, do you really want to go there?” Rainbow deadpanned.
Twilight’s eyes shrunk to pinpricks in terror. Realizing she was about to go where gods of chaos and madmares fear to tread. Shaking her head she decided to focus on something that won’t break her mind so easily, hopefully. She turned to her former mentor and fearfully asked, “how?”
“That is one of several mysteries we must solve.” Celestia stated in all seriousness. “Also, while I am not surprise that you know of The Census, I am a bit curious as to where you came across it.” commented Celestia with a fraction of the mirth she usually had while talking to her former student and her friends.
“Um, well,” Twilight nervously glanced over at Fluttershy, “before Discord’s reformation, I was worried he might escape again. So, I did some researched on his era of Equestrian history.” Twilight informed her mentor with her cheeks tingeing a little.
“Ah, I see. As The Census was created to keep track of the births and unfortunately the deaths of all sentient beings in the world.” Celestia stated in sorrow. “With reality itself jumping around, it becomes nearly impossible to keep track of such things. So a few of the more powerful beings decided to use the Ley-Lines, the only thing Discord would not or could not mess with, to make an artifact that would keep an accurate record.” She explained to Twilight’s friends.
“Besides The Census, I highly doubt that Lord Pie would allow such a grievous error against his family,” added Luna.
Pinkie, who had been awoken after the Royal Sisters’ arrival and quietly trembling in Twilight’s embrace, froze. Her eyes snapped open with a look of horror in them. “No, no, no, no, NO!” Pinkie screamed in her mind. “Not this, anything but this,” she stopped as an image of a gaping hole and a bloody hoof flashed across her mind. She wilted, “not anything, but please not this! They already know I‘m a bad pony, they don‘t need to find out I’m a bad friend!!!”
While Pinkie was having another panic attack of the night, her friends gasped, “LORD Pie!”
Luna looked confused, “yes. To be more accurate Grandmaster mason, Chief Ley-Line Architect, and Archduke Igneous Rock Pie. Did you not know?”
“I don’t mean to insult Pinkie or contradict you, your highness,” Rarity began. “But, Pinkie’s family are simple rock farmers and she works part time for the Cakes. That doesn’t sound very much like nobility.” Rarity blushed.
Luna simply tilted her head and blinked, not understanding were the confusion of the situation was coming from.
Celestia spoke up on her sister’s behalf. “Ah! I believe I see the problem. The Pie family is to rock farming as the Apples are to, well apples. And, you may be working on the assumption that rock farming only involves the more common rocks and stones such as those used in construction. However, they grow most of the rare and valuable, gems and crystal both magical and mundane in Equestria.” She stated simply before a smirk grew on her face. “I believe you have been to one of their quarries, an incident involving Diamond Dogs?”
"Oh my Celestia!” Rarity exclaimed before turning to Pinkie. “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to steal from your family Pinkie. Can you ever forgive me.”
Celestia and Luna started chuckling lightly. “You misunderstand, Rarity.” Celestia stated. “These quarries are free for any to take from. As a means help the down trodden or those who want a few extra bits. But they believe in teaching a griffon to fish, instead of giving one a fish.”
Celestia let them absorb the info before continuing. “The Pies maintain the Ley-lines and grow their crop. The remaining magic is magnified and spread through the Ley-lines. Some of the wild ones can be of better quality but if you want a consistent hi standard of quality and quantity you go to the Pies.” Celestia smiled to herself. “Didn’t you mention a unicorn that managed to purchase a powerful artifact after working on a rock farm?”
“Ah, Yes!” Luna stated. “The records,” Luna indicated the pile of scrolls, folders, and stacks of papers with a hoof. “Did mention a Trixie, was it?” She tilted her head in thought, “I believe she worked on the Pie farm for about a week.”
“A week?” Twilight and Rarity exclaimed together, blinked and looked at each other.
“Yes and from the sounds of it they had redacted her pay several times for multiple tools she broke, room and board, and a small fire she started.”
“And she could still afford that amulet?” Twilight asked shocked.
“And, a year supply of food,” Luna added.
“The Pies are very generous employers,” Celestia stated simply. “I believe that the agreement with the cakes is that Pinkie receives an allowance as well as room and board for her assistance when she isn’t throwing parties. In return the Cakes receive a monthly stipend and compensation for any damages. Not to mention a few connections via introductions here and there.”
“Wow!” Rainbow Dash stated impressed.
“But, isn’t she a grown mare?” asked Twilight sheepishly.
“Well, it was arranged when she first left the farm. As such since no one has had a problem with it and the Cakes see her as part of their own family, there has been no reason to end the arrangement.” Answered Celestia with a bit of mirth. “As for the thing about her not being nobility, well before an ancestor of hers married Rock Head she was Chancellor Pudding Pie.”
The mares just gaped. Luna and Celestia chuckled good naturally, “dear sister, you have been waiting for that from the start, haven’t you?”
“Maybe a little,” blushed Celestia.
The five mares and spike turned to Pinkie, “why didn’t you tell us?” asked Fluttershy before any of the others could.
“Pleasedon’thateme,Pleasedon’thateme.Itjustnevercomesupinconversations.ThenTwilightgottheticketstotheGrandGallopingGalaandIthoughtI’dsurpriseyougirlsbyinvitingtherest,whichisanotherreasonIwantedtheextraticket.Butthenshegoteveryoneaticket.HoweverRaritysaidshewantedtomeetPrinceBlueBloodandIdidn’tthinkitwasagoodideafromthelasttimeImethim,butponieschange.SoIwasgoingtohelpthemgettogether.Onlyhehadn’tchangedandwasstillthesamemeanypants.Andtherestoftherichponiesatthepartyweremean.ThenRaritywasavoidingusbecauseshemadefriendswiththoserichponiesthatmadeheractallmean.IknowbecauseIoncehadtohostsixdifferentpartiesatoncewhilebeingatthemall.We’vehadsomanybadexpreinceswithrichponiesIknowyoudon’twanttobemyfriendanymore,butpleasedon’thateme.Pleasedon’thateme…” Pinkie exclaimed in one breath. Her face turned toward the floor, her eyes finding it more interesting than her friends hate filled looks.
“Did anyone get that?” asked Rainbow Dash as she looked into the confused faces of their friends.
“Hold on a second. I prepared for just such an occasion.” Claimed Twilight triumphantly as her horn glowed. The words Pinkie just said were playing backwards at a high pitch frequency. Weirdly, it sounded like someone was singing ‘I use to wonder what friendship could be, until you all shared its magic with me.’
As she played it back slower it came out as a deeper and more sensual voice than their friends:
“Please don’t hate me, Please don’t hate me. It just never comes up in conversations. Then Twilight got the tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala and I thought I’d surprise you girls by inviting the rest, which is another reason I wanted the extra ticket. But then she got everyone a ticket. However Rarity said she wanted to meet Prince Blue Blood and I didn’t think it was a good idea from the last time I met him, but ponies change. So I was going to help them get together. Only he hadn’t changed and was still the same meany pants. And the rest of the rich ponies at the party were mean. Then Rarity was avoiding us because she made friends with those rich ponies that made her act all mean. I know because I once had to host six different parties at once while being at them all. We’ve had so many bad experiences with rich ponies I know you don’t want to be my friend anymore, but please don’t hate me. Please don’t hate me…”
A sniffle broke the stunned silenced. Before a second could come from the distraught pink pony, five mares and a baby dragon had tackled their friend in the mother of all group hugs. The two ancient rulers smiled as they watched the scene.
A polite cough from Celestia brought them back to reality. “I am sorry to interrupt this beautiful moment, however, there is still business we must discuss.”
“Oh, yes!” Twilight blinked. She turned to address Luna, “Princess could you please help Pinkie.” She indicated her pink friend with a hoof. “If you could just pull forth more of the memory we might be able to alleviate her from this nightmare, and possible get to the bottom of… the other matter.” She said tactfully avoiding mentioning the topic.
“I am sorry, but I can not.” Declared Luna.
“What?” asked Twilight and Rainbow Dash simultaneously.
“Pinkie really needs your help, and your just gonna…” Rainbow began her temper flaring, before her tail was wrapped in a magenta aura and she was yanked away from the princess.
“Dash! I’m sure the Princess has her reasons,” Twilight reassured.
“Quite! I said I can not, not that I would not.” Luna clarified.
“But why not?” asked Rainbow.
“Because, to do so would risk the return of Nightmare Moon.” Stated Celestia.
Twilight looked nervously at Luna. “But wasn’t Nightmare Moon formed from…” she nodded to Luna unable to finish her statement.
“Yes,” Luna tilted her head in shame. “However, it was helped along by a dream spreading despair across the Dreamscape.”
After a moments thought, a smile crossed Twilights face as it brightened. “That’s it!” she exclaimed, to the others’ surprise. “Don’t you see? If you use the spell that you used while fighting the Tantabus, it should work. That way you can bypass the Dreamscape and only touch the part of it that contains Pinkies mind.”
“But, what if I should succumb to the Nightmare again?” asked a worried Luna.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be prepared with an arcane disruption spell. It would have to be an extremely supercharged one, or two.” She looked over at Celestia who nodded. “So it might hurt a little from the discharge, but it should break the connection?” She looked at her former mentor again, who thought about it a moment before she nodded again. “Therefore keeping you safe and hopefully getting us some answers. What the worst that can happen?”
What followed next could be described as disastrous.