//------------------------------// // Chapter XII // Story: I, Chrysalis // by Scarheart //------------------------------// I'm sorry.         Chrysalis floated. She felt nothing but numbness. Beneath that numbness was pain. Beyond the pain was a creeping cold slowly overtaking her. Fear gripped her soul in a vice and she felt helpless. She could feel nothing with her body. Her nose detected no scent. Immobile ears could not detect sound. The Queen was helpless.         I’m so sorry.         She could hear nothing but the sound of her pride breaking apart all around her. It had all been for nothing. The ponies had finally done something they should have done weeks ago, in her opinion. Celestia had been too weak to do it herself.         Vaguely, she was aware of movement around her as she groggily came to. She moaned in agony. It hurt to even turn an ear towards the sounds around her. Tracking was impossible. The commotion refired her instincts and they clashed with her desire to simply stop caring.         This had to be Celestia’s doing. This was her way of showing her contempt by throwing common riffraff at a Queen to kill her and her daughter. This was a new low. Celestia wanted to look perfect and clean and immutable in her image as the perfect ruler, above reproach. There was a lot of shouting and it was muted to Chrysalis. She felt something wriggling against her belly. It was something very familiar to her, very dear.         I’m so very sorry.         The Queen could not move. Her body refused to obey her commands. With a pained sigh, she surmised poison had been added to the blades for good measure. Why not? What a very changeling thing for the ponies to do! For a moment, her eyes focused and she noted Celestia was standing over her, her eyes wide with shock and outrage, shifting to concern as she looked down at the fallen Queen. She would look up, the anger would return and she would command in a voice that brokered no argument. Then, the alicorn would bend her neck to a floppy ear and say something reassuring. Chrysalis did not know what she was saying, only that it seemed odd the concern was seemingly sincere.         There must have been a great deal of confusion. Chrysalis felt all sorts of emotions. Upset ponies were bare with how they felt in stressful situations. There were covered bodies where they had fallen. From the Queen’s angle, it was as though one of the uncovered hooves was beckoning her to join the ponies she knew would feel no more.         She was so tempted to simply give in. Chrysalis was tired. She was tired of fighting. Tired of struggling. Throughout her long life, nothing had come easy. She knew she was scarred both physically and even more so internally. Why bother the fruitless struggle any further?         The White Changeling would come and take her soul to be judged before the goddesses. Tappis and Tappaz would receive it and judge her accordingly, as it was their duty to all changelings even beyond life.         Or so Chrysalis had been taught. She found herself morbidly curious to see if the Immortal Queens could indeed pass judgement upon her soul. Slowly, she began to slip away, embracing the darkness reaching for her.         I’m sorry. I am ready.         A golden aura filled her vision, sharpening her vision. A voice softly pleaded to her to stay. She was needed. She was wanted. There was a little one depending on her! Multitudes awaited her, for her to resume her position! The hive! Her hive! Her changelings…         What did it matter? They would select another queen.         Chrysalis was tired. So very tired. She just wanted the pain to go away, the worries to cease. Her burdens were great, the weight upon her shoulders the very world itself. The Queen smelled her daughter as Atalanta cried out. The hatchling was being lifted — gently — and placed at the Queen’s muzzle.         Suddenly, Chrysalis no longer wanted to die. But, was it too late?         Darkness overcame her.         She was being moved. Celestia kept speaking soothing words to her. The Queen moaned in agony. Her body felt constricted. Other ponies kept looking over her. She could barely make them out in her peripheral vision. Celestia took up most of her line of sight. Encouraging sounds came from the alicorn. She kept floating Atalanta in front of the Queen’s eyes and in front of her nostrils. Chrysalis inhaled her daughter’s scent. Her hatchling was safe. The chirping sounds from the little one tugged at the mother’s heart. Chrysalis wanted to do something to comfort her wailing child, but she found she had no strength. She managed a smile and a gurgling purr.         Atalanta reached for her mother with stubby little legs and pleading in her chirps. It was loud and heartbreaking. Chrysalis wanted to reassure her only child, but she could not move.         Something was in her body. She felt so numb and her limbs were as if they had turned into granite. What did those ponies do to her? Groggily, she tried to reason with herself and failed miserably. Everything was in turmoil. She was hurt, angry, and confused. Her daughter was calling for her. Chrysalis felt very cold and very alone despite her daughter’s presence.                  Again, her world was enveloped in shadows.         “So, tell me, is this going to be the end of the mighty changeling queen?” The voice was all around her, bringing Chrysalis to a sense of awareness. She tried to open her eyes, but found her lids sealed shut. She tried to turn her head in the direction of the speaker, but the voice seemed to change locations with every word uttered. “Laid low by halfwits? Brought down by simpletons controlled by an insane and heartbroken lunatic?”         Chrysalis could not move. She felt alone and vulnerable. A frightened shiver ran down her body. No voice could form in her throat. The words she wanted to speak crumbled in her addled mind.         She fought to open her eyes as panic began to overcome her. Another shiver ran up and down her spine. The Queen could not even cry out her terror. As much as she had demanded death from Celestia, she knew deep down inside she craved life. Chrysalis wanted to live! She wanted to see her daughter grow! She wanted to be with her changelings! They were her children and they saw her as their mother, as all she had offered their ancestors a choice so long ago. The Bond reflected the openness in which she had allowed a small group of changelings to decide their own fates: follow her willingly or stay and remain subject to the whims of ruthless queens.         “I am probing your memories, Chrysalis. I know you won’t like it, but we need to know how to heal you. You have sustained quite a bit of damage and you were poisoned. By all rights, you should be dead. You have a remarkably resilient body.”         Chrysalis was deathly afraid. As a creature who worked best in the night and the shadows, the darkness touched at her deepest fears at a primordial level. As much as she wanted to fight her fear, a part of her simply wanted to curl up like an abandoned nymph and make herself as small and insignificant as possible.         She focused on the voice. It was known to her, but an addled mind tended to make identifying the owner of that voice harder than it needed to be. After whirring silently in her head, the memory clicked and she knew who it was.         Princess Luna seemed to acknowledge the recognition by appearing before the changeling. It took a moment for Chrysalis to register she was lying on her stomach, her legs splayed out. The alicorn appeared before her, standing tall and proud. Concern filled her eyes as she gazed gently down upon the fallen changeling queen.         “I beg of you, please. Please, let us help you. I swear upon my moon I wish to be your friend and your confidant. I swear upon the very spring from which all life flows I mean you and your changelings a hopeful future. I swear upon the love of my mother I wish to live in peace and harmony with you and your kind. Please!”         Chrysalis felt everything stop. She felt! Felt! With a ragged gasp, she began to sob. Nothing was certain anymore! She could feel the curtain of her mental defenses begin to fall as something gently pulled away at it, bit by bit. The Queen could not move, but she began to feel slowly, ever so slowly the slightest twinge of sensations returning to her. It burned and was like pins and needles. It was ecstasy and agony. It was fire and ice. It was so slight, she barely noticed it.         But notice it she did. Chrysalis wept.         She was enfolded in something soft and silky. Limbs snaked around her head and shoulders and she was pulled into an embrace. Her cheek found contact against something velvety. It was such a slight sensation as her nerves were still quite numb. But she could feel!         Desperately, she wanted her daughter.         Her eyes cracked painfully open, her breathing was ragged. Sight was a blurry thing to her, refusing to focus properly. A whine of pain slid from her throat and it hurt just to make the sound. The Queen took a moment to realize she was laying on her side, her legs straight out and beneath sheets and blankets. The lighting was low, she noted. Her whole body was on dull fire. It was a throbbing ache pulsating with every beat of her heart.         Atalanta was nearby. Her scent was strong and there was no distress in her pheromones. Chrysalis instinctively tried to make a sound, to call out softly to her daughter. Instead, a groan rumbled like distant thunder from deep in her chest. There was a lump on the bed with her. It moved from between her forelegs and chest in a clumsy crawl along her neck. Chrysalis managed painfully to turn an ear towards the rustling movement.         She heard a chirp right in her ear.         Chrysalis smiled. Rather, she tried to.         Beyond the bed was a great white form, blurry and seemingly lying upon another bed. The great swanlike neck was arched gracefully, wings folded elegantly against her sides. For a brief moment, the Queen could make out the form of Princess Celestia, seemingly in quiet repose. Her vision then failed her again and Chrysalis felt exhausted from the effort of simply focusing her vision. Confused at the sight, the changeling wondered just what was going on. It was difficult to think. Atalanta butted her head against her mother’s chin repeatedly, chirping. It was as though she was trying to check on her mother.         By the Maker, the hatchling was loud!         It was also the sweetest sound she had ever heard.         Chrysalis then felt eyes upon her. With a painful sigh, she tried again to look upon the great white mare and saw —briefly— magenta eyes tired and relieved absorbing a view of the changeling and her daughter. Celestia looked… exhausted.         The alicorn said something quietly, far too gently for Chrysalis to catch.         Her eyes felt heavy and she drifted off.         Chrysalis was standing in a field of clover atop a small rise overlooking a vast plain. To her left, she could make out the distant outline of Canterlot jutting from the side of the hazy mountain. To her right stretched the vast expanse of a great forest. Before her and at the bottom of a hill lay a large manor. The sun felt warm upon her back and head. At her hooves played Atalanta, her dark form that of a nymph’s. The little changeling was chasing a ball. It was red and small, just right for a little filly changeling to play with.         Behind her waited her hive, expectantly looking to her to lead them.         “This would be yours,” said Luna, appearing before her in a ghostly form. “All that stretches before you would be yours. Celestia wishes for you to be a part of Equestria, but she goes about it in a way that does not get to the point. Everything before you could be yours. The one who ordered your death was insane. He used foul and dark magic. Forbidden magic. He took the minds of his personal guard and set them against you. I still do not know how it was made known you were still alive.” She shook her head and sighed.         Chrysalis did not know what to say. She stared at the alicorn for a moment as she fought to find the words. Her mind was still addled.         “My sister and I have both worked to heal you, to mend you. Your mind is a fortress, perhaps the most formidable I have ever encountered in a long time. You might be exactly what my sister was looking for. The task she would present before you would be great and perilous. The rewards, however, would be great. But you need to work with us, Queen Chrysalis. You need to learn how to trust us.” Luna flicked her tail, then spread her wings. “We need you. There is a great task at hand and we need the unique capabilities of you and your changelings to accomplish that task. Without you, countless lives would be lost.”         For the first time in what felt an Age, Chrysalis found her voice. “What task? This confuses me! First you put me on trial, then you tell me you need me? What mockery are you attempting now, Luna?”         The alicorn sighed, looking away from the Queen. “We needed answers. You attacked us. It was not until after we had captured you that we discovered changelings convert the emotions they ingest into mana. You might be an answer to a problem that we feel needs to be addressed and soon. Otherwise, it could be too late.”         “You sent assassins—”         “They were not—”         Chrysalis snarled, “How can I trust you ponies? You tried to kill—”         “We did no such thing! We need you! Were you not listening?”         “As if I would take the word of assassins!”         Luna had enough. “I DID NOT SEND ANY ASSASSINS! MY SISTER DID NOT SEND ANY ASSASSINS! I HAVE JUST TOLD YOU AN INSANE PONY OF THE NOBILITY HAD USED FORBIDDEN MAGIC UPON HIS PERSONAL GUARDS! ARE YOU THAT STUPID?”  Her eyes were aglow with fury and she had spread her wings out as she reared upon her hind legs. The stars in her mane and tail undulated madly. “MY SISTER USED HER OWN BLOOD TO PURGE THE POISONS FROM YOUR BODY, YOU UNGRATEFUL MARE! SHE LIES WEAKENED AND VULNERABLE NEXT TO YOU. YOU. DARE. ACCUSE?”         Chrysalis quailed before the might of the Princess of the Night. Atalanta continued to play are her hooves, even as the world around her shook in the face of the alicorn’s fury. The changelings behind her still waited expectantly. The proud Queen quivered. Fear gripped her heart as she stared into the Abyss that was Luna.         As quickly as her rage erupted, the dusky mare’s temper fell away. A great sigh escaped her lungs and she looked sadly upon the Queen. “Is this all you can see us as? Is this all there is to you? Just a frightened filly afraid of the world and constantly at war with it? Is this what you wish your daughter to be a part of? Is this the future you had hoped for your hive? You must be willing to change, Chrysalis. You must care about things other than yourself. You claim affection for your changelings and you daughter, yet I only see a mare hiding behind them as a coward. You use them as a shield to keep yourself satisfied in the belief that you are right and everypony else is wrong.”         The Queen worked her jaw soundlessly and found she could not look Luna in the eye. Her attention went to Atalanta, who seemed — for the first time — to notice her mother in the dreamscape. Of course, she was a part of the dream, as were the changelings behind her. Chrysalis was aware of this, yet her heart ached. She saw her daughter as she believed Atalanta would appear after her first molt: shiny teal carapace, charcoal black chitin, and a mane and tail like her mother’s. She would have blue eyes, Chrysalis was sure.         The nymph stopped playing with her ball and swiveled her ears towards the Queen, sporting a happy smile that was infectious. Chrysalis smiled back at her, only to hear Atalanta quite plainly state, “Don’t be an idiot, Mommy!” Dream Atalanta was a very blunt nymph.         “She speaks the truth,” Luna noted. The alicorn sighed deeply, settling her hooves delicately down among the clover. “I cannot even begin to fathom the abuse you sustained when you were young. What I saw in your mind… I am sorry. I only wanted to help you. I tried to avoid them, but they bubbled up on me while I tried to gain an understanding of your mind. I needed it tranquil and rested in order for my magic to help in healing you. We both healed you. We took turns. The poison had to be leeched out of you slowly. It was a burning poison and it ate away at your blood. They used more than one type of poison. All of them exotic and painful, subjecting the victim to unimaginable pain and suffering.”         Chrysalis flinched. “Am I so loathed?”         Luna looked at her plainly. “Yes. You hurt many ponies during your attack. There were deaths. One unfortunate one was a pregnant mare. Her foal survived, but the noble to whom she was married absolutely went insane. He was never stable to begin with and lived far from Canterlot. He came because Princess Mi Amore Cadenza had known his wife since they were both fillies. They were friends. The noble loved his wife very much and brought her here to see her friend get married. He loved her so. We think he sent ponies to kill you, then committed suicide. His daughter was taken by her nurse to a nearby town. The authorities were notified by her. She was in hysterics. He had killed himself before her eyes. Now there is a filly that has no mother and no father. The ripples you caused continue to spread. You have no right to assume the role of the victim. You made a foal an orphan. There are now a lot of orphans because of you.”         Chrysalis normally would have scoffed at such losses. Such was collateral damage in any war. But being told a foal had been made an orphan struck a chord with her, though it should not have. And yet…         “What did you do to me?” she asked Luna hoarsely.         The alicorn glared at her. “I put room in your heart, Queen Chrysalis.” And she disappeared.         And something stirred deep within the dreaming changeling. Something that went beyond the shell she kept her cold heart closed within. Her changelings were the only things within it she cared for, yet…         What did Luna do to me?         There was a crack in the shell.         What did that dusky alicorn do?         Remorse leaked in. Guilt followed. She could not stop it.         Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, a feral queen by her own guile and acumen, and mother felt remorse for the deaths of ponies.         She could not understand it, but she knew, Chrysalis knew Luna had done something to her! What was it?         Once, while I was on my journey to see the Two Queens, I came across my first pony. She was an earth pony. She was a slave. I was a slave. We looked into each other’s eyes in passing while on the dusty trail of the vast Savannah. She was chained, her head hung low. The glanced we gave each other revealed to me a mare who had lost all hope and was on the verge of breaking.         I was frightened, having just lost my mother less than a week ago. My hive was gone; my hive mates either dead, enslaved, or scattered to the four winds.         She must have seen me, seen the chains around my neck. I was the smallest of my group. Taalia was off to the front of the group and speaking to the changeling who was leading the group of slaves the mare was in. They chatted. The two groups stopped.         Miserable, I sat in the dusty road, missing my mother and knowing I would never see her again.         The mare approached me. She was a dirty thing. I stared at her, too numb to care or think. Her eyes had lit up when she saw me, though I knew her mind was nearly broken. She had seen me, as I mentioned, and she came towards me, as I just said. Silently, she reached down and gathered me up into a hug and began sobbing. The mare sat in the dirt and rocked me, mumbling words over and over again I could not understand.         I fed off of her. The love she had was filled with indescribable loss. She knew I was feeding off of her, but she held me anyways. I could not understand her words. I wish I could remember to this day what it was she had said, but it was so long ago and I did not know of the Equestrian language.         She opened herself to me fully.         Her spirit was crushed, yet she could still love.         I did not understand.         Did she lose her daughter? Was her family slaughtered before her eyes? What did she lose? What was her pain? I never would find out. She was whipped back in line and I was discovered by Taalia to be full of love. It was stripped from me forcibly while I was physically pinned beneath her hoof. She drew out the love that mare had just given me and painfully so.         “Such a taste is wasted on little slaves like you,” Taalia hissed at me. “Never have room for pity, little one. Never have remorse. Remorse makes you weak. I will leech that weakness from you and I shall enjoy it. You are mine. All you have is mine, even what paltry love is given to you freely is mine. Your whole life is mine, Chrysalis. You will understand. You will learn or I will simply turn you into a broodmother. Would you like to be a broodmother? Maybe I should show you. Yes, I shall show you.” She threw me a terrifying smile.