And on That Note...
by Present Perfect
"All ponies are adorable. But some are most adorable than others."
—Hoofsef Stallion
Flash Sentry limped down the hallway, hissing every time he put too much weight on his left leg. Sixth period gym class had seen him taking up Curly Winds's race challenge and twisting his leg in a foolish exertion of machismo. Coach Soarin had sent him off the track immediately, leaving Flash to slowly poke his way toward the nurse's office while cursing his own stupidity. He'd have to get Curly back later.
As he passed the music room, however, a trio of arguing voices caught his attention, and he couldn't resist seeing what was up, pain or no pain. He pressed the door open, leaning against the jamb to give his aching knee some relief.
"My backstory is far more tragic!"
The first voice was that of his ex, Sunset Shimmer. He'd know that angry tone anywhere.
"No one cares about backstory."
This one sounded like Twilight Sparkle. Though, he reminded himself, it was probably not the Twilight Sparkle who was a magical pony princess. She continued speaking.
"Looks are what's important. I'm wearing glasses and a bun. I've got 'sexy librarian' and 'sexy schoolgirl' rolled into one!"
"As if," said a third voice he didn't recognize at all. "Looks aren't everything, newbie. Neither of you is half as adorable or precious as me!"
The voice suddenly clicked. It was one of the girls who tried to enslave the school during the Battle of the Bands. What was she doing back at CHS?
"How dare you show your vile face back at Canterlot High!" he shouted, bursting through the door and striking a pose that was equally dramatic and intimidating.
Or, he would have done that, if bursting through the door hadn't caused his leg pain to flare. He got as far as "How d" before collapsing into a whimpering, shivering heap right there in the doorway, neither dramatic nor intimidating.
He was at least attention-grabbing, and Sunset rushed over to kneel beside him.
"Flash! What are you doing here? Are you hurt?"
He decided not to dwell on the thought that she had never shown this much concern for him while they were dating. Instead, he cut straight to the problem at hand, pointing an accusing finger at the Siren girl.
"What's she doing here?"
The girl opened her mouth, but Twilight stepped forward, smiling. "What excellent timing!" Kneeling down, she patted Flash on the head. "You're just the creepy sort of weirdo we need to sort out our little problem!"
Flash looked from Twilight -- she was definitely not pony princess Twilight -- to the Siren to Sunset, confusion writ large on his face. Then, wincing, he shrugged. It would be better to accept whatever this was than try and figure it out.
"Okay. What's the problem?"
Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but the Siren girl rushed forward and planted her hands on his shoulders, much to his dismay.
"Which one of us is the best waifu?" she jabbered at a mile a minute.
Flash's face lit up. Waifus were definitely something he knew about, and his keen mind set about sorting through the facts.
His immediate thought was Twilight, but she wasn't his Twilight. Would a choice for Sunset be playing favorites? Could he be considered trying to get back in her good graces? The Siren girl was right out for obvious reasons, but... No, on second thought, if she was holding her own in what had obviously been an intense contest of wills before his arrival, then surely she must have some kind of secret weapon, some angle he was unaware of.
Well, it would be better than another story with girls punching each other, at least.
"Okay, ladies," he said, leaning back and sticking his leg out at a more comfortable angle. "Give me your pitches."
The three girls exchanged hopeful glances.
"It's pretty simple," Sunset began. "Not only am I a truly reformed villain with a tragic backstory, I have amazing hair and not one, but two killer songs, even if one of them got cut from the final version." She rolled her eyes.
Twilight took a step forward. "I look exactly like everyone's favorite princess, except I'm way sexier and remind them of when she was an adorable nerdy shut-in instead of a know-it-all Mary Sue! I'm a reformed villain and a blast from the past, baby!"
"As if." The Siren shouldered her out of the way. "Not only was I part of the villain team, but I'm so adorably ditzy, no one believes I was actually evil! The only thing better than a reformed villain is one who didn't know what she was doing in the first place!"
They all scowled at each other. Then they leaned over, staring directly at Flash.
"So who's it gonna be?" they asked in unison.
Grinning, Flash slicked back his hair.
"It's obvious." He closed his eyes and drew in a breath, letting them hang on his dramatic pause.
"You're all best waifu."
"What?" they shouted, reeling back.
He pointed to each of them in turn. "Sunset's hot and confident, Twilight's nerdy and prim, and, uh..."
"Sonata."
"Sonata's ditzy and klutzy." He spread his hands. "It's obvious, really. Separately, you're each pretty great waifus, but if you combined your powers, you could create the single most unstoppable waifu of all time!"
"Oh." Sonata held a hand to her chest. "That sounds like a pretty good idea."
"I'll say." Sunset crossed her arms and shot Twilight a hungry look. "I've been waiting for this for a long time."
Twilight tossed her glasses away in the sexiest manner possible. "You and me both."
Sunset caught Twilight's head in her hands and their lips met. Sonata wrapped her arms around Twilight, exploring the contours of her torso with her hands and nibbling on her neck.
"Aw yeah," Flash said, taking a good long look before hefting himself to his feet. "That's the stuff."
He tested his leg, nodded, and left the music room, closing the door softly behind him. Moaning from three different voices followed him out.
"Looks like I won't need to see the nurse after all. Just another life-changing problem solved by the Flash!"
Chuckling, he put his hands in his pockets and headed back to the gym, whistling jauntily.