Overkill
by Present Perfect
"Are you sure this is a good idea, sister?"
Vice-Principal Luna rubbed her arms as she surveyed the area behind CHS. It couldn't really be called a 'sports field' anymore; 'horrendous, misshapen dirt pile' summed it up better.
Celestia didn't look at her, nor did her tone suggest anything was out of the ordinary. "Whatever do you mean, Luna?"
"I just mean... this." Luna waved her hand at the horrendous dirt pile. "Roller skating is a perfectly agreeable activity, and I suppose the archery is clever enough. But motocross?"
Celestia hiccuped. "What's wrong with motocross?"
"These are children, sister!" Luna placed her hands on her hips. "Most of them aren't old enough to drive a car! How do you expect them to deal with motorcycles?"
"Rainbow Dash can. She'll love it."
"The Friendship Games are a serious--ack!"
Something in Celestia's hand flashed in the sunlight, and Luna had to shield her eyes. When she looked again, her sister was tilting her head back, the shiny something was obscured in front of her.
"I chose archery," Celestia continued, "because Crystal Prep features it as a core class. Roller derby is, as you said, perfectly agreeable. We needed a third event to round things out a little. Just something to make everyone happy, don't you think?"
She turned at last, regarding Luna with a smile that was far too wide.
"Oh, Celestia." Luna sighed, closed her eyes, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You've been hitting the bottle again, haven't you?"
"Does this look like a bottle to you?" Celestia waved her shiny metal hip flask under Luna's nose.
"All I ever wanted," Celestia said to no one in particular, "was to teach. To impart wisdom upon all the little childrens and bring them into the circle of enlightened adulthood. So what do they tell me?" She swung around in a circle, her arms waving wildly. "'Heeeey, Celly! You're the only one who's not trying to screw her way to the top! You're the one bitch here who knows what the hell she's doing!'"
"Sister, please." Luna didn't put any effort into the admonishment, knowing it would be ignored.
"Sure, I said, I'll take the principal position. It'll be fun! Instead of a classroom of students, now I get a whole school!" Celestia sighed wistfully, a smile crossing her face. She erased it with a long pull from the flask.
"A whole school, that's right. A whole school of magic bullshit from another dimension!"
She flung the flask out into the field. It impacted one of the archery targets. A light on the roller derby track turned green and beeped.
"Am I the only one," Celestia asked, turning to glare at Luna, "who is just completely fed up with this crap?"
"I'll admit, it's rather stressful to--"
"Yes! Stressful! That's the word!" Celestia giggled. "And now I have to deal with--" she deepened her voice and affected a thick accent, drawing her hand across her face with a flourish-- "Count Crone-ula and her legion of sycophantic android children." She scoffed. "So I don't care anymore. I'll make the students race motorcycles if I want! And no, before you ask, I am not jealous that Twilight Sparkle is suddenly her prize pupil. Twilight Sparkle was never 'prized' as students go, if I'm being honest!"
She thrust her hip to the side, putting one foot up on the nearby railing.
"She thinks she's so great, talking to me like I'm some yokel! Like I'm the warden at the madhouse!"
She hiked her bell-bottoms up, revealing long white cotton socks decorated with suns, and slapped her calf. "Well, I have better legs! My legs are the best! They're way longer than hers!" Celestia screamed out over the schoolyard, waving her fists in the air. "You hear that, Abacus Bitch? You've got short legs, you withered old bat! I hope you choke on your false teeth!"
Luna grabbed Celestia's arm and pulled her back. "Celestia, get a hold of yourself! Cinch will hear you, to say nothing of the entire school population!"
Celestia sniffed, wrenching her arm out of Luna's grasp and adjusting her coat. She stood for a long moment, just staring off over the school, until Luna decided it was time to say something. She was cut off before she even had the opportunity to open her mouth, however.
"Luna, I apologize," Celestia said, her tone perfectly sober.
Luna smiled. It fell as Celestia continued talking.
"Do I seem high to you?" She leaned in close to Luna, holding her left eyelid open. "Are my eyes red? Because I've suddenly got the munchies something fierce."
It took all of Luna's willpower not to deck her older sister. Again. Instead, she clenched her fists and moved to the doors.
"I thought I tasted something odd in one of those baking entries," she grumbled. "I'll get the pork rinds. Try not to fall off the balcony this time."
"You're the best, little sister!" Celestia called after her. "And get my hip flask back while you're at it?"
Luna released an incoherent scream as she stomped into the school.