Day: Friday
Weather: Rainy
Time: 12:30pmIt's been several weeks since Princess Celestia showed me that mirror, and I still can't get what I saw out of my mind! What was that image of me that appeared before she abruptly ended our lesson? I've been trying to steer the conversations towards her telling me more about it, yet she keeps on refusing me, and saying that I'm not ready. Me? Not ready? I've become so much more powerful since she took me under her wing, and she had the gall to say that? Well, if she won't tell me what I want to know, then I guess I've got to take matters into my own hooves, and do some "outside learning", but where can I find out more about the mirror... of course! I'll need to check their security before attempting this, but I think I know where to get my answers...
The Other Journal
By Ganondorf8
October 31, 2015
Chapter 5: Fall
" What did you see?" Twilight asked, her one hand clutching onto her shirt tightly, and the other holding onto my arm, shaking it wildly as her curiosity knew no bounds, but when I turned to face her before pointing a finger at my own face, she quickly figured out what I saw, and let go of me although she didn't let go of her shirt. " So... you saw you... I mean, the human version of yourself?"
" Back then, I didn't know what it was I was looking at, but the image was one that I just couldn't get out of mind." I answered, reaching into my backpack, and producing a small compact mirror which I then opened in order to look at myself. I wasn't using it to powder my nose or anything as that's not my cup of tea, but rather I needed to take a good long look at what I've become now, compared to what I was back then before everything changed. " Twilight... that mirror... what it showed me wasn't the only thing that changed my life, but rather it contributed to another factor which I'm sure you've already figured out."
" You coming into this world?" Twilight asked.
" Yes." I answered.
" How did you manage to come here?" Twilight asked.
" That's what the next pages of my journal reveal, and the emotions I had were ones of anger, frustration, shock, and even disgust that my own mentor would purposefully deny me the knowledge that revolved around what the mirror was really all about. Looking back on it now, I realize that I had an ego, a superiority complex... a taste for power which slowly began to grow where it continued to grow all because of my innate curiosity." I answered, looking down at myself before clenching my hand into a fist, and punching myself as hard as I could into my own stomach, causing me to exude spit from my mouth. Twilight was shocked at what I had just done, and immediately wanted to see if I was okay, but I held up my hand as an indicator that I was fine. " I wanted to do that to myself as a self-punishment for how stupid I was."
" What do you mean?" Twilight asked.
" I knew that I wasn't ready to learn everything about the mirror, but my immaturity, my lack of humility, the weakness of my own heart, made me oblivious to it all, and the only thing that mattered was learning those secrets... no matter what the cost would be! Not a day goes by where I don't punch, or kick myself for what I did, and I deserve it all because I threw away what could have been a fantastic life!" I answered, the tears resuming their tricking down my face, and Twilight handed over a hanky which I used to immediately blow my nose with a loud honking sound... HONK!... " My current life is good now, but before friendship entered my life, before so many good things would change my whole perspective, my old life was about to be shattered to pieces... like a mirror..."
" Did Princess Celestia teach you anything else about the mirror after that incident?" Twilight asked.
" In my mind, I was hoping she would because after all, I was her prized pupil, and she knew how much progress I made despite some obvious flaws, but I wasn't ready for what she was about to do upon my seeing the second reflection... the one that resembled what I look like now." I answered, turning the page in my journal to the next chapter, and going completely numb for a few moments in which Twilight refused to act as she knew this next part was essentially a game-changer in the saga that was my own existence.
The second image of myself was barely recognizable, but I knew that it had to be me, but why did I look different? What happened to my hooves? Why was I wearing strange attire? What happened to my muzzle, and my horn? My words reached the ears of Princess Celestia, whose reaction was one I'll never forget. It was one of absolute shock as though she knew the truth, but felt that it wasn't meant for me to know about. Before the image fully formed, she pushed me to the side where the image faded away, and turned the mirror slightly to the left hoping that I wouldn't see anymore of it.
" What was that?" I asked, the image of myself clearly hewn into my mind.
" I am sure that it was just a trick of the light, so I would not heed it as being of significance." Princess Celestia answered, her choice words telling my mind and my heart that what she was saying wasn't a sincere answer. " Perhaps it was a little hasty of me to introduce you to this mirror considering that even somepony as Star Swirl the Bearded had issues trying to understand what it truly meant, as while he was able to figure out how the prototype worked with my support, this mirror proved to be even more perplexing. That is why it has always been here in this room." Princess Celestia said, my curiosity getting stronger with every passing moment.
" Have you shown it to your previous protégés?" I asked.
" Each of them have seen it at least once, yet none of them were ever able to grasp the true nature behind it." Princess Celestia answered. Hearing her say that made me feel angry that I was just the latest to be shown the mirror, but at the same time I was eager to become her first pupil to find out all of its secrets. " Sometimes, I have questioned myself as to why it remains here in the castle, but I suppose it reminds me of a legacy... that of Star Swirl as this was one of his greatest works, and one which even now continues to baffle me."
" Huh? I thought you knew about it?" I asked.
" Star Swirl did have his secrets which he kept close to his heart, secrets that he never shared with me because of a certain incident long ago which placed a strain on our relationship which never fully healed. One such secret involved the true nature behind this mirror, for while he told me that it had the power to show ponies their future, it's remaining powers he chose to keep to himself until the very end. However, he knew that one day, I, or some other pony would want to know, so he wrote down the secrets in a book, and placed it within the one section of the library none may enter." Princess Celestia answered. The section she was talking about was one where all of Equestria's knowledge of dark magic was stored... rather than simply destroy those books thus ridding Equestria of such magic, Princess Celestia chose to keep them there because among the dark magic were historical records which needed to be preserved for future generations.
" Do you think I could be the one to figure out its secrets?" I asked.
" Perhaps..." Princess Celestia answered, her train of thought desiring to change the subject out of fear that I could learn more than I should... that's what I assumed was her behind her hesitation towards telling me more. " Our lesson is over for today Sunset Shimmer, so I suggest that you get all knowledge of what you saw out of your head, and prepare yourself for tomorrow. In the meantime, I would like you to think about what I said about humility, and accepting friendship into your heart."
" If you say so." I said, mumbling under my breath that she didn't want me to know more about the mirror, but when I turned back to take one last look at it, I swore that the image I saw of me that was different was trying to reveal itself as though it wanted me to never forget this moment. Princess Celestia then ushered me out of the room before locking it behind her, and in her mind that concluded my lesson on the mirror, but I wasn't satisfied with the result. No... I wanted to know more about it as my curiosity hungered for such knowledge, and it refused to be sated for anything else other than knowing more about the mirror.
" I can certainly understand the desire for wanting knowledge, as I'll admit that my curiosity has gotten me into plenty of trouble." Twilight said, looking up at the ceiling behind her to remind both her and myself that her becoming a demonic monster was the result of her own curious mind succumbing not only to pressure, but also expectation, and the urge of wanting to expand one's own horizons.
" My curiosity was about to change me." I said.
" What surprises me in all of this is that Princess Celestia was able to tolerate your behaviour for such a long time, yet surely she would have removed you from your position as her own personal student considering you were in it for yourself--" Twilight said before clasping her hand over her mouth upon saying those words, as she noticed me lowering my head down in complete shame. It took her only a few seconds to come to the conclusion that what she had just said ended up happening, resulting in her turning her face away from me, embarrassment streaked across her face. " I'm sorry! I didn't realize that she actually did that to you! I was only assuming that she would have done that considering your attitude and all, but I never thought that she actually would."
" Princess Celestia is very calm and forgiving." I said, reached out to my hand on Twilight's shoulder which caused her to turn around and look me in the eyes again. " She has so much patience despite the many mistakes she has made, but even she has her limits where her anger will explode, and I was about to find that out first hand all because my own curiosity was about to burn me from the inside-out.
The next day, I was reading a book which she had assigned for me to read, and while I showed general interest in it, my mind was fixated on the mirror. Ever since I saw that second image of myself, the one where I looked different, I just couldn't get it out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. Even within my own subconscious of the dream world, the image haunted me at every moment, whispering into my ears using honeyed words to learn more about what I saw.
" You know you want to... you know you want to learn more..."
" Princess Celestia doesn't want me to!" I shouted.
" She is holding you back from what you deserve, and that just isn't fair to you! You're the best pupil she's ever had, and you're superior to all other unicorns!"
" I know that I'm the best, but--" I said.
" But nothing! You deserve to know the secrets of the mirror, and Princess Celestia is weak from keeping it from you! She is afraid that you will become more powerful than she is, so she is denying you your right to become an alicorn! If you want to become the best... then get her to tell you the secrets of the mirror! She may have said Star Swirl kept them from her, but she is lying to you! She knows the secrets, but refuses to share them as she sees you as a threat!"
" I'm... a threat?" I asked.
" You have what it takes to become an alicorn, a princess, and she is preventing you from fulfilling your destiny! Now... you know you want to... " This eerie voice would haunt me all night, and instead of just ignoring its words, I embraced them as truth! I believed Princess Celestia was denying me important knowledge which in turn was denying me my dream of being the best, so I had to know the truth about the mirror. When she was preoccupied with sorting through some books using her magic, I waited for a free moment where I asked my innocent question.
" About that mirror from the other day..." I said.
" No, you're not ready to learn more about its secrets." Princess Celestia answered.
" When will I be?" I asked.
" Please focus on the book which I have assigned you to read." Princess Celestia answered, changing the subject completely, and my anger seething below the surface, but not to the point where she would notice. This was the beginning of a trend that lasted several weeks where I would bring up the mirror whenever we had a conversation, and in turn she would continue to say no. In her mind, she didn't want to say anything about it, but I wanted to which is why I continued relying on the same rhetoric over and over. The next day came, and I asked her the same question being more forward with the delivery.
" So... about the mirror you showed me." I said.
" No." Princess Celestia said, being straight to the point, and ignoring my question completely. Several weeks passed where I continued asking about the mirror, and she remained steadfast in her refusal to tell me more, but then one day things got to a boiling point. I believe Princess Celestia at this point had gotten tired of me wanting to know because it was all I ever asked, and she made certain to bring down her judgment upon me... even though my question was innocent, and slightly different from usual. We were having a picnic out in the field where it started to rain, so we took shelter under a tree where we continued to eat, and that was when I made my move...
" Do you know what I find fascinating these days Princess Celestia? Mirrors! They are so full of mysteries that you just want to know more about them. I know! Like that one you showed me some time ago--" I said before being cut off.
" Sunset Shimmer! I have refused to discuss more about the mirror for a good reason, and that is because you are not ready to learn more about it. No matter how many times you continue to bring it up, I will not yield to your curious nature. It will be revealed to you later in the future among other lessons which you will need in order to realize your true destiny, but not until you are ready. Please do not ask me about it anymore!" Princess Celestia said, her words stern and harsh, an indication that her patience was at an end, and she was beginning to get testy. She then turned and headed off into the rain leaving me alone with the picnic supplies, but the expression I gave her behind her back was one of sheer malice, of anger... of hatred because she was denying me.
The honeyed words from the image in my mind had been telling me the truth, and I realized now that Princess Celestia was afraid of me being better than her. I had to know more about the mirror's secrets, and there was only one course of action that I could think of. She mentioned Star Swirl the Bearded had written down the secrets into a book, and placed it within the section of the Canterlot Library that was dedicated to Dark magic, but no pony was allowed to enter that section as it was forbidden, yet by choosing to deny me my right, I had to take matters into my own hooves, and learn what I can from reading from that book, or one that contained similar information.
" I AM READY!!!!" I mumbled to myself before leaving to put my plan into motion.
" You were willing to break a fundamental rule just to learn about a mirror?" Twilight asked.
" I thought she was holding me back out of fear that I was getting too powerful and arrogant, but in truth she was trying to protect me, and prevent me from making a mistake which I'd later regret... but... I didn't listen as my mind had been poisoned... poisoned with the desire for power and knowledge." I answered, burying my head into my hands.
" Sunset..." Twilight said.
" I could have turned back from the path I was about to choose, rethink my life right there and then, but instead I chose to go through with it. I was a unicorn who never turned herself away from something once I was dedicated towards succeeding at it, and this would result in a conflict I hoped would never happen, but it did. Every night for the last few years, I've been replaying this conflict over and over in my head, trying to tell myself not to go through with it, yet my words to my unicorn self fall on deaf ears, and I witness what happened as a result... an eternal nightmare if you will." I said. Sweat then tricked from my brow down my face, and onto my hands, yet this sweat was a combination of fear, depression, hopelessness, and extreme guilt because I could have stopped myself had I listened to my heart... except my heart was caked in corruption, darkness, hatred... I hated being denied... I hated Princess Celestia for denying me.
" How do you feel about her now? You know, Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked.
" Hatred... I hated her for denying me, but this feeling isn't as strong now as it was back then. I guess a part of me hangs onto what she said to me, and I never forgave her even though she didn't do anything wrong. Twilight, this is an example of an aspect of my character which you, none of you, are aware of. The others have never known what truly happened back in Equestria, for I always kept it to myself out of fear that they would hate me because of what I was like." I answered, bursting into tears once again.
" We're your friends Sunset, and we would never judge you for what happened." Twilight said, wrapping her arms around my neck before squeezing me tight, tears trickling down her face. You were confused, consumed by your own desires, and became blinded by your own ambitions, but you've changed since then. You're no longer that kind of person since opening your heart to friendship which is what Princess Celestia wanted you to experience. You ended up fulfilling her expectations... it just took you a lot longer to do so because of bad decisions." Twilight said, squeezing ever tighter, and while my heart became at ease thanks to her words, it quickly grew stiff again, as this was still just the beginning of my journal. There was much more to go where things were about to get worse...
" Twilight--" I began.
" Everything will be fine." Twilight said.
" Twilight." I said, pushing her away from me slightly so as to get her arms off of my neck, and enabling me to turn the page. " What happened in Equestria was just the start, for there were things I did in this world which I'm not proud of, but first, you need to know what happened during that confrontation."
" Alright." Twilight said.
That night, I made my way over to the Canterlot Library until I was standing in front of the entrance to the Dark Magic section, and I chuckled to myself because what constituted as security was asleep at her post which made it easy for me to sneak past without being detected. There was a reason why this part of the library was off-limits as the magic contained within these books were deemed too dangerous as they had the potential to corrupt ponies... a fact which I was about to learn first-hand.
" She thinks I'm not ready? I'll prove to her that she is wrong, and have her begging me for forgiveness! I just can't believe they only have the one pony acting as security for this section... you'd think there would be more considering what's in here, but I shouldn't let it be a distraction as I'm on a mission." I said to myself, slowly creeping through until I came across a promising shelf near where the security pony was sleeping. There were several books, scrolls, and even pieces of paper with various diagrams on them, yet there were so many to choose from, and so little time to read through as much as possible.
" Hello? What's this?" I said to myself, noticing one particular book which had a depiction of a horrifying face on it that compelled me to take a closer look. Within its pages were a number of spells which I've never heard of before, yet they were easy enough for me to perform given how powerful I was. " While this isn't what I was looking for, these spells could come in handy down the road just in case I need to get my point across. I can't believe such spells exist, and Princess Celestia keeps them hidden away like this." I said, speaking out loud this time which caused the security pony to wake up where she noticed me reading, yet I didn't know that she was awake as my mind was occupied with trying to learn the secrets behind the mirror myself. She would run out of the room much to my own obliviousness, and after searching a few more books, I came upon exactly what I had come for.
" This is it!" I exclaimed, but I was confused at why Star Swirl the Bearded had written a book about the history of Canterlot Castle. Then again, he was Princess Celestia's most trusted confidant, so that would mean he was privy to such information that other ponies would never have gained access to. It was also the second volume of the book which means there was a first volume somewhere, but I was more interested in the mirror which he must have created late in his life, so using my magic to flip through the pages, I eventually came across the exact information I needed.
" After my initial attempts to create a mirror that would serve a unique function because of what her highness did behind my back, I decided to give her another chance which was a sign of weakness in that I hesitated when I should have remained diligent towards her. Taking what I learned from my previous experiences, I created a second mirror more powerful than the prototype, yet who knows where this one leads to... the prototype lead to an "anti-Equestria" where everypony was the opposite of who they were here, but this one... this "crystal mirror" as I shall christen it... it too shall lead one to another world. However, I must place a restriction on when it can be used, so as to not repeat the mistake I had before with Celestia. This mirror shall activate every 30 moons where it will open a portal to another world, and shall remain open for three moons before it closes again." I said to myself... a portal to another world? Was this the secret Star Swirl had kept? And Princess Celestia knew about it? The rage in my heart once again reached a fevered pitch, so I skimmed ahead several more pages where I read another entry.
" It is with a heavy heart that I write this down, knowing that I acted without the consent of her highness. Even though I believed they could have been reformed thus allowing them to exist in Equestria, my heart was far too bitter to allow me to consider such an option. The Sirens became far too powerful, and had their reign of terror continued, all of Equestria would have succumbed to their twisted desires, so I activated the crystal mirror, and send them to another world where their magic has been all but taken away. This shall be known as my greatest failure in life, and it shall forever remain a personal torment... that is why the secrets of this mirror must remain exactly that! I shall write them down in this book, and present it to Celestia where she must swear to me that it will never be opened until some pony is worthy to learn the truth. I fear the ramifications of some pony who tries to control the mirror in the name of power... Star Swirl the Bearded..." I said to myself. Huh? Sirens? I don't remember anything in my studies about something like that? So Star Swirl carried immense guilt with him throughout his final years... such sentimentality doesn't mean a thing, yet looking at it now, this was a forewarning of a future event.
" Anyway, back to reading about what the crystal mirror does." I said out loud.
" That's not really for you know now, is it my "faithful student." My expression changed to one of complete shock as the one who said that was Princess Celestia, and she sounded cold and unforgiving, so I turned around to face her along with two of the royal guard, where she had a look of extreme disappointment on her face. At first I was thinking of going with a sorrowful look in the hopes of earning some sympathy, but something inside of me wanted me to lash out in frustration over how she had been keeping something from me in the hopes of denying me my dreams.
" Why? Why did you decide to keep this magic away from me? Why did you tell me that I wasn't ready when clearly I am! My magic has become incredibly powerful since you took me under your wing, yet you had the gall to hide something like this? How dare you! How dare you deny me the potential to become even greater than I am now? Well? Why don't you answer me! Or, are you afraid that I am getting too powerful?" I asked, my anger building every second, and showing no signs of holding back my frustration. My hatred for her had finally come out, and I was letting her know exactly how I felt.
" You could be great Sunset Shimmer, that is, until I saw the truth about you right here and now." Princess Celestia answered, her eyes filled with anger, her mannerism of kindness slowly chipping away, revealing an anger which she has rarely had to use because of being so patient. " I originally believed that you had potential to become something great, that you possessed the passion, dedication, compassion, and sincerity to take your studies seriously! Despite your troubled beginnings, and your lack of understanding both humility and friendship, I was willing to continue guiding you along believing that you would eventually get over such weaknesses. It appears that I was mistaken about you, and what I thought you had was nothing more than ambition, selfishness."
" How dare you say that?" I asked, my hatred growing ever stronger.
" If you step back and reflect upon yourself right now, perhaps we can resolve this issue in a peaceful manner without things spiraling further out of control. Your selfishness has blinded you Sunset Shimmer where you've allowed it to consume your every waking thought!" Princess Celestia answered.
" Selfish? Me? If anyone is selfish around here, it's you! That book written by Star Swirl reaffirms what you said about the mirror, and this book right here--" I shouted, pointing my hoof down at a book lying on the floor which I used my hoof to kick it at Princess Celestia, who used her magic to knock it away with a simple force field where it opened up to the pages that talked about alicorn ascension, " the one which I looked at before reading his one... it showed me that I can become a powerful alicorn princess, that it's my destiny to achieve such a position! I could rule here, and bring about new changes to Equestria... changes that you yourself were too afraid to do out of a deep rooted fear. You're being selfish to deny me my destiny, my dream... one which you encouraged me to seek out back when we first met." I shouted.
" Because I thought you were sincere--" Princess Celestia said before I interrupted her.
" I deserve to be a princess for I am your equal, if not your better because I understand things better than you do!" I shouted.
" Enough!" Princess Celestia said with a firm voice, and an image of my angered face gleaming at me from her eyes. " To become an alicorn, to become a princess, it must be earned rather than demanded! I have tried to teach you everything you needed to know to prepare you for when the day comes where you would earn the right to become a princess, but you have decided to take a far different path than the one I was offering. You say that you "deserve" to become an alicorn, "deserve" to be a princess, "deserve" to rule over this land because you think you can do better... it tells me that you're not willing to earn it through tremendous effort, but rather have it given unto you. You are not ready!"
" What are you saying?" I asked.
" Sunset Shimmer! If we cannot get past this issue of you demanding everything to be given to you, then I am afraid that your studies end here and now! It pains me to have to do this, but you have left me with no other choice... I am removing you from the position of my pupil, and furthermore you are never to set foot inside this castle again until you have come to understand where you are going wrong. However, you are allowed to remain in Canterlot... that is all I can give you at this moment." Princess Celestia answered, my heart crushed under the combination of her casting me aside because of what I deserve, and having finally lost it when it comes to the hatred I have of her. I could have used the dark magic I learned to end her life there and then, and assume the throne in her stead, but a tiny shred of compassion prevented me from carrying that out.
" Then this is something we'll never agree on." I said.
" The guards will show you out." Princess Celestia said.
" You know how great I deserve to be because of how powerful I've become, yet here you are denying me my destiny! I thought you understood me... I thought you wanted me to prove that I could be the best because my parents never had the kind of faith in me that you have!" I shouted.
" I thought I did, until you revealed your true ambitions." Princess Celestia said.
" Is that all you have to say to me now?" I asked.
" ..." Princess Celestia refused to answer my question, and raised her hoof to inform the guards that they were to escort me outside the castle. The two guards then told me to get moving, and they followed behind as I was being escorted away.
" This is the biggest mistake you'll make in your entire life." I said coldly, the hatred within my heart shredding that last remaining piece of compassion that lingered, yet I refused to say this to her face, for that would have made me lash out at her which would have caused me to be arrested on the spot. Instead, I just walked away repeating that same sentence several more times as a means of hewning it into her mind and heart. It wasn't Princess Celestia who had made the biggest mistake of her life... it was me, but back then I was far too ignorant, far too consumed with hatred to see this for the truth it was. To me, my mentor had betrayed me, denied me my destiny, and now she was cutting our ties as though they meant nothing.
" One of many." Princess Celestia said, her words reaching my ears, but I was too consumed with hatred to comprehend them. I know now that she was referring to the incident where she had to banish her only sister, and also how she had lied to Star Swirl the Bearded which is something Princess Twilight once told me when I inquired about it out of curiosity. What happened to Princess Celestia after that, I don't know because this is where my story in Equestria would come to an end... until I would choose to return on two additional occasions because of the desire to fulfill my dreams of becoming a princess...
" What did you do next?" Twilight asked.
" The mirror, Twilight, I was going to use the mirror as Star Swirl had intended." I answered.