//------------------------------// // Chaotic Sanity // Story: Earning Freedom // by Daxisle //------------------------------// Chaotic Sanity Sin grumbled as he walked to work, he'd need to take time off to visit the doctor if he was going to meet the agreed dead line, which sucked because it meant he'd spend half of his last few days not even helping out before leaving. He was also a little worried about Spike and Cranky on their own, but he was confident in the young dragon. Fact was that he'd done it mostly alone when he first started, so there was no reason the two of them should have had too much trouble. Spike had denied it, but Sin and the others could see he was growing little by little. The body he'd once earned during their time traveling around Equestria was slowly coming back to him through both work and his pay checks spurring small burst of hoard growth. In time, he'd be back to what he was and most likely be able to handle the station by himself with ease. As Sin approached the main office of the lumber yard and was surprised to find his reptilian associate standing by the door. Arms crossed and looking thoroughly annoyed, the stallion wondered how long Spike had been waiting there and why. "Morning, Sin." Spike spat, clearly upset. "What brings you hear this early?" Sin asked, not taking too kindly to the drake's tone. Spike didn't answer right away, electing instead to give Sin the evil eye for a few, tense moments. "Heard Cranky would be taking today off, depending on what the Doc says, he might be out for a few days or so." Sin groaned, so much for those two handling things while he was gone. "Also heard that you were going to be off for a few days too." It slowly clicked into place that the dragon was resentful of being left to work alone, with any other skepticism erased by Sin's firm inquiry about the dragon's attitude. The Federalist bit his tongue, today was not the day he needed this. He'd already woken up in a foul mood on account of yet another nightmare, there was only so much he could take before the dragon ended up like his first pillow. "Look, I'm attending because I was pressured into it. You really think I want to go?" Spike gave the stallion the same look he gave Twilight yesterday, the kind of look that verbally asked if someone was 'that freaking stupid'. A look that gave Sin's leg an itch that could only be scratched by slapping Spike's face repeatedly. "Yea? And you think Twilight didn't pressure me? You think I didn't have to explain why it was so important that I had to stay here?" He asked sarcastically. Sin used what remained of his patience to push the anger down into his stomach. Today had already started as a bad day and adding assault charges wouldn't help. "Look, can you just tell Jacker I wont be coming in today? I've got a doctor's appointment." "Is that right?" The drake humphed. And it was at that point Sin had had enough. "I don't know what you're problem is, Spike, but I'm going to leave before I beat it out of you." He turned his back and began walking away, a small part of him hoping, wishing the dragon would stop him. Though he walked away without hearing a word otherwise, and by the time he'd exited the forest, he was shaking with utter rage. What the fuck just happened? He knew Spike was new and all, but he should have learned enough by now to handle the job on his own. There was no fucking reason for the attitude he'd received. None what so fucking ever. Fuck him! Fuck him and feed him to a hydra! His legs trembling, Sin felt a powerful urge come over him to hit something. He wouldn't make it home, he knew he wouldn't. The first face he saw that spoke to him would be the victim of his wrath. His vision was slowly turning red and ground his teeth to keep himself in check. He had to find something, anything to hurt. he ran back into the woods, far enough so he wouldn't bee seen off the beaten path, after a good minute of runnig his concerns about being seen faded. He didn't care, the closest tree to him was good enough. "FUCK! YOU!" He seethed, slamming his hooves against the hard bark of the oak. He hit it again, and again each blow doing absolutly nothing to quell his anger. "Harder." He hit harder, and harder, swinging, jabbing, bucking, nothing worked. If anything, the continued exertion only served to further fuel his anger. He knew what he'd need to do, but despite his irrationally enduced state of rage, he still didn't want to do it. "Do it." The small hiss in his head was all the encouragement he needed and he planted his hooves firmly into the ground after removing his goggles. One slam sent his head into a state of mild swimming, but the anger still persisted. "Again." He complied, smashing his head into the chipped bark of the trunk. His thinking capabilities all but escaping him with the third assault. "Harder!" Smash "Harder!" He'd have liked to, but the last bit of blunt force trauma had knocked him silly.Tthat was okay though because there was one more hit t- Slammed right onto his side. Sin lay on the ground, and as he did so, he felt the anger melt away from his body. Evaporating like water on a hot stove. He couldn't really think, but he could register feelings, and what he felt right now was pain. Lots and lots of pain. How long he laid there he wasn't sure. Could have been a few seconds, could have been a few hours. Daze waiting was a different kind of hell all of its own. When he finally regained some semblance of cognitive brain function, the stallion immediately closed his eyes, raising an aching foreleg up to his head. The headache was back, as he suspected it would be. Surprisingly it wasn't that strong though, considering he'd just used his head as a make shift ax against the tree trunk. This was getting out of hand now, this anger wasn't natural. Something was very wrong in his brain, something he'd need to figure out and soon. He tried to push himself upright, but a sharp pain assaulting him caused both of his legs to buckle. He looked down to find both of his front hooves swelling all the way up to the knee, and he suspected his hind legs weren't in much better shape. "Fuck." He moaned, laying his head back onto the grass. He wasn't going anywhere for a while, might as well stop fighting unconsciousness and pass out until his hooves healed a bit. Hearing voices in his head, encouraging him to commit self harm, an overwhelming and irrational urge to hurt others? Yea, sleep was probably a good idea. Sin looked around and found that all he could see was a white void. Expansive, pristine, almost sterile white. He recognized this place, he'd been here once before, when Luna had invaded his mind to speak with him about... something or another. He stood and waited, waiting for the next nightmare to come. He'd been having them every single night. Night terrors about the post collapse world he feard in the Federation, about life long imprisonment in some jail or dungeon, and his personal favorite, watching as hundreds of foals were indoctrinated to despise everything he'd set out to teach. It made him sick to think about. Freedom is Slavery, War is Peace, Greed is Charity. It was wrong on so many levels. "Hello?" He called, growing tired of waiting. Hmm, maybe that voice in his head was here? He hadn't heard from his inner critic for a long time. "Critic?" "Oh will you be quiet!" A shrill voice yelled back at him. Sin squinted his eyes, he'd heard that voice before. Suddenly a black figure began to materialize infront of him, a glowing black blob at first with small white dots twinkling at him. Almost like the night's sky. Then, a pure black followed it, twisting and turning, small defining features forming into legs and a head. "Luna?" Sin asked, but no, no this wasn't the night princess. The coat was too dark, and the forming horn was much longer than the navy blue of Luna's. Finally, the figure stood in full appearance. A tall, black alicorn with turquoise, serpentine eyes staring down at him with seething irritation. "The fuck?" "Will you be quiet!" She shouted, both ponies grabbing their respective heads and holding tightly. "Oh why do I keep doing that?" "Because you're a fucking idiot." Sin crinched, rubbing his temples helped a little but not much. Who was this? Was she his inner critic? No, that voice was masculine, much closer to his own. Was she something Luna made? Seemed likely considering her appearence. "And you've paralyzed the Tantibus, that's just wonderful." She stomped, sending another mind splitting sound crashing through both of their ears. Whatever she was, she had to go, like right the fuck now. Taking a moment to breath, Sin tried to figure out what was going on. Her eyes, he'd seen them before. Once in the mirror yesterday and once again the night... that... No, no, no it couldn't be. His Occlumency should have prevented anything from entering his mind, yet here she was, clear as day before him. Also, something else was here too, what did she call it? A Tantibus? "Why are you in my head?" He asked, the painful noise finally subsiding. "Who are you?" The tall mare regarded him for a moment before dusting herself off. "Figures you wouldn't know who I am, my dear." Sin quirked a brow, well no shit he had no idea, that was kinda the reason he asked. "I'm afraid I have some bad news, my presence here is indicative of one thing and one thing only. You're spiral into insanity." That put the Federalist on guard. Insanity? So he was finally losing his mind, huh? Well, wait, was that how it worked? You had someone come into your head while you slept and told you you were going mental? That seemed kinda fishy. "Oh? You aim to tell me that you don't think hearing voices, irrational bouts of lashing out and self harm are signs of losing one's mind?" The alicorn smirked, looking down onto the Federalist. By Tapio's beard! That's exactly what it sounded like! "Think about it, you've been hearing voices for years, haven't you? Become disconnected from your family? Constant nightmares about the things you fear coming to pass? That's text book beginnings of a full mental break down, my dear." It was true, everything she'd said was true. Sin felt his pulse begin to race, his thoughts going over what little he knew of those who fell to insanity and couldn't deny the parallels between them and himself. His detachment from others, his obsession with logic, his phobia of emotions, it was all coming back to bite him now. Sin shook his head and placed his legs over his eyes. No, no, no, no. "No, no, NO! I can't be losing my mind right now." he complained trying to figure out some other explanation for what was happening. That's when he remembered what he was thinking about earlier. "Wait, no I'm not going crazy. Luna! She's the one who put you here, didn't she?!" Chuckling, the alleged "ponyfication of insanity" strutted around lazily, circling the pony. "Luna, huh? Well, if that's what you want to tell yourself. I have no means to prove you wrong. So believe whatever you wish." Quirking a brow, the oaken stallion demanded her to explain. "What would be the point? If I said yes or no, would it really help? Would you feel any more stable thinking that insanity came to you either out of another or of your own accord?" Again, she was right. What difference did it make if Luna had brought her here or not? The black alicorn was here, but that didn't mean she was the incarnation of ponies losing their minds. "And why should I believe that your presence in my head means that I am going insane?" "Simple. How else could I have gotten here?" She asked with amused delight. "I mean, you could believe Luna brought me here, but what sense would that make? Luna and you may not have fond feelings for eachother, but does she really seem like the type? Really?" Sin groaned, he hated when ponies dodged questions and continued on a false premise. She still hadn't told him how she was the representation of his alleged madness. Though, she seemed to have known that, and like her coming in through Luna, she could not prove one way or the other. All he could do was trust her on her word. Yea, because trusting a black alicorn whom encouraged self harm and dodged straight forward questions was just the epitome of trust worthy. Still though, Luna had only come to him that one night, she even admitted that his mental defenses had kept her out before that. What if this thing wasn't part of her? If it wasn't than it couldn't be an outside force, not if he could keep the mind walker princess's powers at bay. What if she was right? What if she was the incarnation of insanity? What should he do? 'Well first of all, calming down would be a good start.' Both ponies turned their head opposite ways. That voice, it sounded like it was coming from all around them, from everywhere and no where at once. And it was a voice Sin was happy to hear. "Oh wonderful, you're back." The alicorn mare bemoaned. In a whiteish pink flash, Discord winked into existence, reclined back onto a velvet red couch and drinking from a white tea cup. His eyes were closed, his face in a confident state of bliss. "It's good to see you too, Marry. What's it been? A thousand years?" He let go of the cup and paid it no mind as the utensil began to float upwards and away. "Discord." Marry spat with venom. "What do you want?" The draconequus stroked his goatee for a moment in in contemplation. "What do I want? Marry, you wound me so, have you forgotten who I am?" Sin eyed Discord wearily. The last time he'd seen the god of chaos, it was during the Balloon incident at one of Pinkie's parties. Bad things happened, most the town still couldn't look at rubber products without groaning or feeling sick. Marry was just as skeptical, her lazy legs going straight as she turned to face him. "Really? Because I've heard you're a changed draconequus now." Discord smiled wide and slapped both his talon and paw against his cheek in glee. "Oh you've noticed? Thank you, I have been losing weight you see." He said, grabbing a portion of his serpentine body and giving the skin a good yank. Well, Discord was in his head antagonizing an irritable alicorn mare who promoted self harm and proclaimed herself as the embodiment of madness. Sin couldn't deny it any more, if there was a verbal play on how going insane would look than this was definitely it. The two exchanged a few more quips before Discord became bored with her and turned his attention to the only other party present. "So, tell me Sinbad. How's life with the new roomie? Is she keeping herself out of trouble?" "Ummm, no. She's actually kinda being a complete bitch." Sin answered bluntly. Discord laughed, Marry gave a scoff of indignation. His chortles finally coming to their end, the god of chaos wiped a tear from his eye. "Well, that's why I'm here actually." His eyes narrowed into a mischievous grin and he turned his attention to the Alicorn. "You see, Sin here is an associate of mine and I've got a couple of friend's who wouldn't be very happy to see him bludgeoning himself into a coma." He lifted his lions paw with his fingers ready to snap, Marry's eyes went wide and she began to protest but couldn't get a word in before the draconequus snapped his fingers and made her disappear. Sin stood in waiting for a moment, but relaxed when the night maned pony failed to reappear. In that moment, Sin felt himself grow lighter somehow, as if a small but heavy weight in his mind had lightened considerably. "Well, my work is done here. Best get back and help Fluttershy with her animals like I promised." Announced Discord as he raised his paw for another bit of magic. He stopped when Sin called out to him, offering the chaotic being a few words of thanks. "Oh think nothing of it dear Sinbad. I haven't really done much of anything." He gave the pony a wry smirk and snapped his fingers. And like that, Discord was gone in a flash, leaving the Federalist with a feeling of peace he hadn't experienced in a full month.