//------------------------------//
// A Long Night (Part 2) 
// Story: Norrath, Earth, Equestria. A Construct's Journey 
// by Nimnul 
//------------------------------//

	Landshark was upset with herself, because part of her had wanted a fight to break out, had wanted it badly enough to nearly make her forget her duty to her friends. She was only too aware that she'd essentially been manipulated into calming down by Princess Cadance, which only made it worse. She should have been able to keep her cool by herself! 

She was so tired of explaining herself to royals. She hoped she'd finally be left in peace after tonight.

Landshark didn't want to return to Berry Punch's house right away in her agitated state, so she made her way to her as yet closed smithy. She prepared a lantern and her rifle. Late night target practice wouldn't be a very fruitful endeavor, but she needed something to do that required concentration and precision, or she thought she might start punching the anvil until her fingers broke. She felt like she had mishandled the situation at the Friendship Castle pretty badly.

Our rage will be the weapon we use to break down the walls and find the truth.

She snorted at the memory, mostly out of habit. Delth, one of the eldest of her kind, had said the words at the start of the rebellion. These days, Landshark's anger was never particularly productive. But they'd been created by a god, and a god's betrayal had warped them permanently. She supposed it was lucky she wasn't a worse person.

To her surprise, she found Bon Bon sitting behind her smithy, along with a quantity of hard cider. The mare looked terrible, tired and exhausted. The sight of a friend in distress focused the construct instantly. "Hey Bon. You look awful. Why you hiding out here?" 

Bon Bon looked up at Landshark. There wasn't much life in her gaze, but she put on a smile anyway. "Shark. You're home early. And you look pretty great." She looked down again. "Having a terrible day. House was feelin' too empty."

Landshark brought out a chair and sat down next to Bon Bon. It felt good to know that her friend picked Landshark's new home as a place to sit undisturbed. "Lyra's having that music thing up in Canterlot tonight?" Bon Bon just nodded glumly. Landshark placed a hand on her head. "You been there again last night?" She didn't know where 'there' was, but as she had told Princess Cadance, for some people, sleep could become a hated enemy. 

"Yeah." Bon Bon took a gulp from her cider. "Couldn't put on my game face to run the store today. Couldn't ride a train or go to a club. Barely managed to convince Lyra not to blow it off on my account."

"That bad, huh?" Landshark's heart went out to Bon Bon. She still didn't have a clue what the pony had actually done in the past, but the job certainly had left its marks on her.

Bon Bon nodded. "Yeah. Didn't let it get in the way of Lyra's performance though, at least this time. I'm not that beaten down yet." She drank more. "She coulda been somepony, you know. She's from Canterlot an' all. 'stead she saddled herself with a wreck like me."

Landshark would have frowned, if she could have. She shook her head. "Lyra made her choices, just like anybody else does. You are her choice, with all that implies. Don't underestimate her. She wants what she has."

They sat in silence for a while before Landshark started inspecting her rifle. She wasn't going to fire the gun while Bon Bon was having a bad day, not without warning, she just needed something to do with her fingers. "I think I blew it, Bon."

"Huh?" Bon Bon looked up blearily. "What'd you do?"

"Meeting Princess Cadance and her husband went bad. I barely held onto my temper and Shining Armor hit me with the type of question that Luna tried once. Classified." She idly sighted in on some scrap metal she'd used as targets. Sometimes the lantern's flicker would reflect in a piece. "I told them a wild tale about bears before laughing in their faces. Not very diplomatic."

"Eh. Probably just meant to put you off balance." Bon Bon paused. "Or Twilight can fix ya up however she needs. That'd be bad."

"My thinking too, but I'm more worried for you guys. We're probably gonna see rumors that I snubbed two alicorns at once. And now a real military guy is on my case, not magical demigods. I'd hate to see government thugs lean on you guys because of me." She looked down where Bon Bon sat in the grass next to her. Her forelegs were shaking even with hooves planted on the ground.

"Hm. Bucking brass." Bon Bon frowned. "Someone was bound to use ya as an excuse to try and push for more military spending anyway, might as well be him. Budget kept getting cut on account of weaponized friendship working so well. Wouldn't worry too much though. They don't make agents like they used to, not since ... not for a long time. I notice one, it'll look like an accident."

Landshark found that it hurt her to hear one of her friends talk about killing someone as casually as that. Landshark herself wasn't going to look any older after a lengthy stay in prison, after all, but a pony could ruin her own life that way. She emitted a non-committal grunt and assumed it had been Bon Bon's bad mood talking. "Probably still blame me. Maybe just hogtie them and mail them to Canterlot."

"I suppose that would work," Bon Bon allowed. "You'd figure with three out of four alicorns thinking you're on the level, the government would get off your case."

"I know, right? It's the machinery below them that's the problem. They get paid to worry, if I guess." Landshark sighed. "Bon, you alright with loud noises?"

The pony in question looked up and eyed the gun with something like professional curiosity. "I'll see it coming. Tell me about the gun."

Landshark nodded and lowered the weapon closer to Bon Bon. "This thing's a veteran, something like 60 to 80 years old, not sure. They built over six million of these, used in major wars long before I came along. Has real range and power compared to my revolver." She made a show of loading the gun, explaining the en-bloc clip briefly.

"So, you're good at using it?" Bon-Bon watched Landshark take aim. 

"At night? Hardly. I haven't had much practice with this. This property isn't anywhere near large enough to really show you what this gun can reach out to, and at longer ranges I consistently perform worse than otherwise similarly skilled humans."

Landshark hadn't been built for ranged combat, and she'd had to train like anyone else. She always needed more shots to land her first hit, especially when the wind picked up. She was fine at close ranges, or when there wasn't any wind, but outside and at rifle ranges she compared unfavorably to humans. She supposed that might have been another reason she had liked her automatic weapon. Quantity had a quality all its own. She'd never been quite sure if there was something about her vision that was different from humans or if there was some other deficiency in her construction, perhaps in the way she experienced atmospheric conditions. Her movements didn't lack precision, after all.

Landshark started firing. Her night vision wasn't notably better than that of humans, but the range was short and once she hit something it was easy to stay on target. She killed a poor metal bucket perched halfway up the great mound of earth she'd been piling up on the edge of her property between the smithy and the Everfree.

Bon Bon suppressed a flinch, but she didn't have any particular associations regarding gunshot noises, so she was more or less alright. The fascination helped. She watched Landshark re-acquire the target after the gun recoiled with the precision of a machine. "I suppose if you're the only one with a weapon like that you can afford to be only moderately good with it."

Landshark bent down to gather up the empty clip and brass. "Thanks. Might not be my machine gun, but ... I'm going to cherish it. It was a gift from a friend, and the rest of my old section pooled resources and owed favors to get our quartermaster to give it the royal treatment and teach me how to take care of it properly. That gun is in the best shape it's ever been in, despite the age."

They spent another few minutes quietly enjoying one another's company before Landshark spoke up again. "Hope the kids haven't been getting on your nerves with their codenames and such."

"Nah," Bon Bon dismissed the idea. "They're just kids. 'm happy they're having fun. Lyra too. You done those girls good, Shark." She nodded, then took another gulp of cider. "Not sure you told em anything they didn't already suspect with your 'the world sucks but we gotta do our best anyway' approach, but it helps 'em to hear it from an adult. It's, uh, idealistic without bein' naive, or something, anyway." 

"They're good girls. Their mothers are right to be proud of them." Landshark paused briefly before admitting "I was really worried I'd treat them wrong, mess them up or make their mothers mad. I've never before dealt with children with any regularity."

"Pfff, considering the horse-apples their mothers had to deal with in their lives, it's no wonder they're fine with letting their daughters hang around a weirdo like you." Bon Bon cleared her throat noisily. "I'm gonna level with Ditzy and Berry, you know. Hey, at least they'll know why the shop sometimes isn't open when it should be."

Landshark nodded slowly. "I'm sure it's gonna be fine. I'll vouch for you, no problem. It'd also look really stupid if they accepted me but not the fact that you're traumatized."

"Yeah." Bon Bon's voice sounded rough, as if she was on the verge of tears. "They're good ponies. I just wanna be honest with them. Back when ... after my old job, some mares I knew wouldn't trust me around their foals. Breaks your heart. I didn't learn to keep a lid on my problems until later. Seeing Pinchy and Dinky lets me act like there was a point to the whole thing."

Landshark tentatively classified Bon Bon as an angrily morose drunk. "Old job didn't end well?"

Bon Bon tried to laugh, but ended up choking out a sob. "Best years of my life down the tubes right there. Suddenly demands for total deniability come from on high, so everyone is sworn to secrecy, again, gets a bag of bits, and the whole thing is classified so hard I'm looking at a resume with no previous work experience on it and no way to get at the perks every useless deadweight royal guard takes for granted." She snarled through her tears. "You try taking out a reasonable loan when the bank sees nothin' but a lazy loafer who never had a real job. Starting that store? Wouldn't have happened without Lyra's help either. I'd never have made it without her."

Bon Bon started trembling. "I hate how much I need her. It's not fair to her. I know she's going to worry all night because she's not around to watch my back. S'not right. I shouldn't be so scared all the time." She grimaced, trying without success to calm herself and stop crying. 

Landshark carefully placed the empty gun on the ground by her chair. She felt helpless. Knowing about a condition and knowing how to react to it where far too separate for her liking right now.  She slowly got up from her chair, then lowered herself to sit next to Bon Bon on the ground, leaning against the pony. Bon Bon tensed but didn't move as Landshark spoke. "It's not your fault, Bon. It really isn't. Your brain just doesn't know how to quit the old job, so if you don't have someone you trust with you, it makes you feel intolerably exposed." She sighed, feeling particularly incompetent right then. "Even if you should know that there's nothing out to get you, your brain won't let you feel save."

"Stupid brain. Stupid job," Bon Bon mumbled and looked at her hooves. "On really bad days like this, I can't stop thinking about where monsters could hide. Blind spots, dead spaces everywhere. Dark rooms. I can't go home until I pick up Lyra. How stupid is that? But maybe something snuck in I couldn't deal with on my own. S-stupid brain." She paused and drew a shuddering breath. "It's starting to be better with you and the other girls. You're on the team now, I guess."

Despite the situation, Landshark couldn't help but feel pride about the last statement. She had a team again, however small and, aside from Bon Bon, untrained. It felt right. "I'm impressed you kept it together after finding yourself living in the same town as the Elements. They get the stained glass windows and you sound lucky you weren't banished to the moon to finish erasing your old job from history."

The empty cider mug went sailing into the darkness, crashing noisily against a practice target. "It wasn't easy. Heh, if I started talking about the old job, I'd probably end up in the loony bin due to my 'delusions'."

"Not worth the extra grief, no." Landshark awkwardly draped an arm over Bon Bon. 

Bon-Bon just brooded silently for several minutes before Landshark continued.

"I want to hear your opinion on something."

"Right." Bon Bon shook herself out of dark thoughts. "Hit me, then."

"Well," Landshark started, without being sure of the right way to explain her problem. It suddenly seemed like an extraordinarily petty worry as well, but she forged onward. "The thing is, I liked my job. But ... sometimes I feel like it's a presumption to think of myself as one of the gang, you know? I mean..."

"Yeah? Go on, don't make me pull it out of you, Shark."

"Well, I never took the same risks, not all of them. Without a real instinctual fear response, or the ability to feel pain, trauma just doesn't wear me down, so I can't in fact really feel for your situation." Landshark paused, took off the beret she had gotten from Rarity and placed it on Bon Bon's head. "I think we're on the same page in terms of bitter disappointment with an old employer, but not in terms of the actual regular stress of the job."

"Fair enough," Bon Bon agreed, idly adjusting the beret. "But there's always ponies who don't eventually crack, and they don't have to be crazy for it. So that's not unique. Maybe not even rare. I'm sure you had plenty of comrades who came out the other end no more crazy than when they signed up."

"That is true." Landshark nodded. "But well, on account of my construction I also took fewer risks in combat. Even if I get damaged enough to take me down, can always just recover me and glue me back together. Took longer than here to mend, but still."

"Shark, that's just survivor's guilt talking. I'm sure they thought of you as one of them. They were probably glad to have someone on their side who wouldn't ever let them down unless forcibly dismantled." Bon Bon placed a hoof on the construct's thigh. "Tell me about your boss."

"Huh?" Landshark was surprised, but didn't see much harm in it. "The old man. I don't think he was that old, but he had those hollow eyes and lines on his face, made him older. Hated losing any of us, of course, but never babied us. He just tried to make sure it would be worth it."

"Us Rejects had complete confidence in him, and none at all in the desk jockeys upstairs. If he said something was doable, we assumed we'd succeed, no matter how idiotic the actual mission formulated by the people up the chain actually was. The old man could cook up a plan that'd work."

"It didn't always work," Landshark admitted, "But no one ever seriously blamed the old man, except for himself, of course. He always did his best for us."

"Well," Bon Bon put on a small smile. "You may be too verbose for your own good sometimes, but I'm sure you felt about him like any of the others did." She affected a scolding tone. "Now quit doubting yourself, it doesn't look good on you. You were one of them in every way that counts and survivor's guilt is just something you put up with as a consequence for getting involved."

Landshark nodded and twitched her jaw. "I think I just missed talking to someone who was at least kind of on the same page. It's kind of weird having all these civilian friends you can't talk about dead people with. Not in the same way." She squared her shoulders. "And no one deals with consequences better than a renegade."

Bon Bon chuckled weakly. "Face it, we're civilians now. Told you before, I think on average I'm still coming out ahead."

Landshark stood up. "Civilians by circumstance. You can't unmake someone a soldier, you can only help them fit in afterwards. Or just shrug and toss you out, I guess." There was real venom in her voice. 

She picked up rifle and chair to return them to their places inside the building. Landshark raised her voice to be heard by Bon Bon while she locked away her gun inside the smithy again. "I love all of you guys, I'm happy to be there for you and with you, but I think knowing you helps me the most, because we can relate to one another a little more."

"Aww, shucks," Bon Bon joked, "don't get all sappy on me. But yeah, it's nice to have another vet around to talk, even if we're both classified."

"We understand, that's good enough," Landshark declared with finality. "Now let's take a walk and settle in at the station to wait for Lyra." She paused. "Or is she spending the night? She didn't say last time we spoke."

Bon Bon turned to leave, still wearing Landshark's hat. "She'll take a late train. Doesn't like leaving me by myself."