//------------------------------// // *Bursts In* // Story: Crimson Titanium And Stoutheart Chivalry's Incommodious Quest // by The Brony Spartan //------------------------------// In Twilight's library, the soft glow of enchanted stones mixed with the vibrant stained sunbeams, and crystalline bookshelves lined the many walls, bursting with stories and tales untold. Adventures of romance and fables of daring danger, and information and factoids to make even the dullest pony a genius. In this castle of nurturing thought, no secret is untold, no knowledge unlearnable, no- "C'mon, Twi. Do you really need my help organizing your nonfiction section?" Rainbow Dash said, looking over the room with boredom. " Twilight snapped out of her narration, realizing she was being spoke to, "Oh, well..." Twilight said, blushing slightly, "I wouldn't say I need your help, but with you and Spike helping things will go much faster." "Especially seeing as how you're the fastest pony in Equestria," Spike said, adopting a sly grin, and loving it as if it was his own, but not telling the sly grin it was adopted until it was 27, and it had broken up with it's girlfriend the same day and was crying it it's room, and then acting like it was ridiculous for him to be mad the next day, Robert. "Okay, okay, I'll help," Rainbow said, now sharing Twilight's blush as Spike snickered, "I was gonna help anyway, I was just making sure you-" "Twiligh'!" Applejack yelled, burst into the room, making Rainbow and Twilight jump several hands in the air. "UAH! Oh my gosh Applejack, What's wrong?" "What is it, dragons? Zombie ponies?" Rainbow's eyes grew with horror, "My cooking? It's not my fault, I locked my trash can, I swear!" "Worse." Applejack said, terror in her voice, "Overzealous fans." Then, several things happened at once. Several loud, crashing, things no less. Pinkie Pie and some black pony burst into the room, literally at each other's throats, rolling around on the floor arguing about... something... "yer fukin stuped, da karamamabit is da tool of du godds!!!" The black one screeched, straddling Pinkie Pie, hooves around her windpipe. "It's hideously over-rated!" Pinkie screamed, rolling over onto the strangely shrill stallion, "The kilij is a beautiful tool, the weight is perfectly placed!" At nearly the same time, a fourth pony burst into the room, jumping onto Twilight's back and holding a long, thin blade to her throat. He growled one word, "WINGS." And caught in the middle was Applejack, attempting to stop the chaos she was caught in. "Crimson, stop fightin' Pinkie!" she shouted, running towards the two of them. "u can twirl da karambabit aarond ur hooof 4 a deadluy attak!" "Applejack. Help. Plea-" Twilight's plea was stopped by the hoof of her eye-bleed inducing assailant. "Twilight, just stay calm. Stoutheart! What in stallion hill are you doing!?" Applejack said kidding to a halt, and heading towards Twilight instead. "The Kilij is a deadly masterpiece, Vlad The Impala was a tactical genius!" Spike took a deep breath. "I contrite Twilight, my incorruptible pulchritudinous sovereign, but the unpropitious, inauspicious, insubordinate malignant Larson has corrupted you, and I must plunk down you away of your anvil chorus" Twilight started to cry. Not out of fear, but out of the sheer desperation that someone, anyone, would make him stop butchering the Equestrian language so terribly. "Chivalry! Drop your- "I'm fondant and you're frosting, everything-" "th karmbadarmbadoobabit is-" "SILENCE!" All movement in the room halted, and all eyes turned to Spike. A glow faded from his eyes as his mouth closed, green flames licking the ceiling before vanishing. "Enough! This is ridiculous! Why are you guys even fighting?" "pinmke pei says her nife is beter den mine." Crimson said, some touch of embarrassment in his voice. "And is that any reason to strangle her?" Spike asked, raising an eyebrow. "she dishonured my wepns and-" Spike's eyebrows leveled dangerously, "no..." Crimson Titanium sighed, ashamed to have tried to hurt his distant daughter and best friend's ex-waifu. "Exactly. And you?" Spike said, turning to the portly, trilby wearing stallion. Or colt... it was kind of hard to tell, given the way he acted... "It is my millstone to disencumber this terrene of-" Spike pulled the stouter pony's muzzle down to his level, putting them eye to eye. "In Equestrian." Stoutheart sighed, "I have to put Twilight out of her misery because M.A. Larson gave her wings and now she's a mockery of what Twilight Sparkle used to be." "So physical change immediately equals personality change?" "Well no, but-" "Exactly," Spike said, releasing the equine thesaurus's muzzle, "She's the same Twilight, except she can fly now. Case closed." "That... was... awesome!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash, flying over to give Spike a pat on the back. "Spike!" Twilight exclaimed, pulling herself together to fly to him and give him a hug, "That was amazing! How did you do that? That... shout? I've never seen anything like it..." "I've been reading a few of the self help books from the library in my free time, I ran across one about 'Dragon Shouts' and it looked cool, so I started reading it and I found out, I can do them! I figured this was the best time to try one out, I mean, it's not like I could have made that situation any worse." "Ah don't know, Spike..." Applejack mused, "I think everypony bein' on fire woulda' made it a mite worse..." she said, with a shiver. "Wait a minute!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie, "If that dragon yelling book was in the library, then how come Twilight hadn't ever seen anythi-mmh!" And suddenly there was a wide, gray strip of duct tape over Pinkie Pie's mouth, and how it got there or why nopony noticed it was never explained the end. "Oh, re-laax Applejack, I've got complete control, watch!" then as Spike took a deep breath, his eyes began to glow, his mouth opening wide to let out a cone of green flame, which would increase the volume of any word he spoke. And so, with a deep, rumbling voice, Spike shouted: "AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA" Twilight sat there, confused, as to how Spike was capable of making such a noise, and also as to why the two strange ponies were rolling on the floor with laughter, "What does that mean?" "I dunno," Spike shrugged, "I read it somewhere." Just then, one of Celestia's royal guards burst in. It was at this point that Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle both took a moment to reflect on the fact that throughout the entire day, no-one; including Rainbow Dash; had actually walked into the library. The royal guard, still running wildly, ignored the two strange ponies, Applejack, Rainbow, Pinkie, and even Twilight herself, stopping just short of Spike. "I need to ask you to stop. That... shouting... is making people nervous." the guard said to Spike. Well, to Spike might be a bit of an overstatement. It was clear through context that he was speaking to the baby dragon, but he looked above Spike, as if he was speaking to a pony in Spike's place. "Okay..." Spike said, crestfallen "I mean, at least I got to be useful for a little bit..." "Excuse me sir, how did-" "Glad we got that straightened out" he said, cutting Twilight off, and racing back the way he came. He stopped to ask Crimson something about hungry eyes, and then continued on his way. "Alright... that was... interesting." Twilight said, still processing what happened, "Now, Applejack, can you tell me something?" Twilight asked, a touch of aggravation in her voice. "Um, yeah?" "What the actual fffFUCK is going on?!"