Home is Where Your Curse is

by SFaccountant

Saddlebrook

Home is Where Your Curse is
a My Little Pony/Ranma 0.5 crossover fanfiction
by SFaccountant

Chapter 6
Saddlebrook

Trixie snorted and her eyes fluttered open to let in the first rays of dawn poking over the horizon.
She groaned and shifted in her blanket, rolling away from the light. Ultimately her resistance was hopeless; once Trixie had woken up and dawn started encroaching on her camp, she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. But she indulged her drowsy eyelids for a little while longer anyway.
Her leg shifted upward, sliding across an empty patch of dirt. After a few seconds, Trixie cracked her eye open again to check the spot on the ground next to her. There was nopony there.
"Where did that goon run off to first thing in the morning?" Trixie grumbled as she pushed herself upright and started looking around. Ranma had been lying right next to her when they had gone to bed last night, and they had even shared the same blanket.
She supposed she should have felt weird about sleeping right next to a stallion, but the thought hadn't even occurred to her when they had settled in to rest. It bothered her that she had become so comfortable with Ranma's presence, but not nearly as much as she'd expected. At the very least it was hard to imagine Ranma trying anything inappropriate considering his status as a transformed alien, and he certainly hadn't shown any sort of interest in her beyond her food stores and wallet.
With that in mind, the first thing Trixie checked on after she got up was her wagon. When she was satisfied that her remaining food stores hadn't been ransacked behind her back (rather than right in front of her), she started packing up her camp.
After bundling up her blankets and levitating them into her cart, Trixie took another look around her camp. It suddenly occured to her that perhaps the cursed stallion had left her for good. He might have spent the night contemplating his mission and decided to strike out on his own, leaving the camp without waking her up. Perhaps whatever magic had sent him to this world had worn off, or activated again, or otherwise teleported him away from her side. For all she knew he might have just been a sleepwalker and stumbled off into the night to fall into a ravine or something.
"Yeah, right. As if Trixie would be so lucky," the magician grumbled, trotting away from her vehicle. Before long, a sudden shout came from high above to reveal the location of her wayward companion.
"Hey, Trix! Check it out! I'm flying! I can fly!" Ranma was in his female form, obviously, with her wings stretched wide and her forelegs spread ahead of her. She was soaring high above the treetops, cutting through the air at a speed that Trixie supposed might have qualified as impressive. She was not, however, particularly impressed.
"Yes, great! You and a third of the entire pony species! Now stop fooling around and get down here!" Trixie shouted before stamping her hoof onto the ground.
Ranma's flight path wobbled as she zoomed overhead, and then the martial artist started to descend. Trixie traced her descent path, noting that the pegasus seemed to be heading straight for a cluster of trees.
Well, this is Mister Superequine Martial Artist. I'm sure she'll be able to avoi-okay, never mind, she's crashing. Trixie watched in bemusement as Ranma disappeared into the leafy branches and then tumbled down from the boughs a moment later. To her credit, Ranma flipped upright and landed lightly on her hooves, but the casual grace of the landing was utterly ruined by the twigs and leaves in her mane.
Ranma shook her head and then galloped over Trixie, grinning widely. "What's up, Trix! Ready for breakfast?"
"You look awfully chipper for somepony who's probably going to spend the next half-hour picking bark out of their teeth," Trixie drawled, "what was that just then? Did you hit the tree on purpose?"
"Yeah. That's how I land," the martial artist explained, "you know, for now. Until I can figure out how to slow down in mid-flight. I've got a while to go until I'm as good as Sparks."
"Isn't that rather pointless?" Trixie asked as she turned around and started heading back to her wagon. "Trixie recalls that one of your immediate goals is to be restored to your human form. Learning to use your pegasus wings isn't going to be much help then."
"Maybe not, but it's still kind of fun," Ranma explained, "having wings is pretty much the only thing I like about being a horse, so I might as well enjoy it while I can, right?" Then she pursed her lips. "Also, I don't really have the best record for getting these sorts of magic problems fixed. As much as I hate to think about it, I could be like this for a long time."
"Oh? What's so bad about being a pony, anyway?" Trixie asked with a quirked brow.
"It's not that ponies are bad, but being human is WAY better. We have hands and video games and pants and can eat meat, which is delicious. Seriously, humans are just the best." Ranma suddenly reared up and kicked out her front hooves one at a time. "Also, while I've done all right so far with this pony body, I spent my entire life learning martial arts as a human. It's pretty hard to fight like this."
"Trixie supposes you'll just have to make a living contributing to society in some way that doesn't involve wanton violence." They reached the cart, and Trixie leapt up on top of it.
"But I spent almost my entire life learning to use wanton violence! That would be such a WASTE!" the martial artist protested. "Also, aren't we going to eat before we head out?"
"Yeah, no. That's not happening," Trixie said flatly, jabbing a foreleg at the yoke of her cart. "Hook yourself up and let's go. The sooner we get to Saddlebrook, the sooner you can find a job and start earning your keep properly, and the sooner Trixie can continue earning hers."
"Awww..." Ranma's ears drooped as she walked around to the front of the wagon and hitched herself up again. "No breakfast? But it's the most important meal of the day!"
"Stop your moaning. Trixie hasn't eaten either," the unicorn snapped, "besides, you had some twenty times Trixie's own ration last night! Trixie is on her last oat sack!"
"So what? You get to lie down during the entire trip! I'm towing you and your stuff!"
"Trixie normally has to tow her own stuff, and STILL only ate a fraction of what you do."
"Come on, Trix! Be a pal!"
"Trixie SAID to stop moaning! The sooner we get to Saddlebrook, the sooner you can start harrassing other ponies for food and money!"
"Aw, man..."

A spark of bright crimson light flashed into existence atop an empty hill, indicating the first stage of a long teleport. The tiny magical pinprick in the fabric of reality spilled open after a few seconds, dumping a pair of ponies onto the short, lush grass that covered the hillside.
Rite quickly glanced around to ensure he and Swan Song were alone, and then he closed his eyes. "All right, I have a bearing." His thoughts of the MacGuffin Stone gave him a direction, and then he turned to face directly toward the beacon in his mind's eye.
"Looking good, Mister Rite!" Swan Song chirped. Settled on her back was a folded map, a compass, a pen, and a ruler. Swan's own horn lit up to unfold the map in the air, and then she oriented the chart in accordance with the compass. "Just give me a second to mark the direction..."
"I must say, as stupidly convenient as this 'MacGuffin Sense' is, it's quite troublesome that it provides no sense of distance," Rite observed as Swan worked, "at the least, though, this will make traveling with the Stone more secure. It would be quite discouraging if Princess Luna could easily judge our exact location in an instant and teleport on top of us."
Swan drew a line across the map according to Rite's facing, and then she labeled their current location with a number. Then she blinked. "Wait... Mister Rite, this line doesn't intersect with the others!"
"Oh? Let me see." The magic surrounding the paper changed color, and the map shifted over so that the stallion could check the lines.
To be sure, the vague magic beacon that allowed him and Swan Song to check on the artifact's direction relative to themselves didn't lend itself to precise measurements. There were already two other lines drawn over the map, and while they had naturally expected the third line to intersect at the same point as the first two did, instead this new vector veered off and didn't touch them at all.
"Interesting. It seems our target is on the move," Rite said, smirking, "we'll need to make a few more checks, then, but this shouldn't be too hard. Let's go!"
Swan Song magically folded up the map as Rite's horn pulsed with energy, and a large runic circle appeared under their hooves.
"Oh! Before I forget: whether or not this works, let's make sure we get the stallion's name this time," Swan said while tucking the paper away in her saddlebag, "I'm running out of synonyms for 'monkey' in my poetry. Besides, it's just kind of an ugly word to begin with, you know? 'Monkey'. Not very romantic."
"Swan Song, please. I am doing my utmost not to think about your hobbies or your love life. Help me out, here."
"Oh, sorry. I guess you do need to concentrate for this, huh?"
"That's not why."
The magic construct swallowed the two unicorns, leaving only a wisp of smoke wafting over the grass.

Rite had proven correct in his assessment of the MacGuffin Stone's movements.
It had taken but a few more teleports and drawn vectors to determine that their target was moving along a well-used road between Saddlebrook and Hoofington, two small-ish pony towns in the more rural regions of Equestria. By checking the order of the lines slashing across the path, they were even able to determine the MacGuffin Stone's approximate speed of approach and plan their ambush down to the hour.
Rite had moved them to just outside Saddlebrook and staked out an approach to the village. They had found a good vantage point, and he had set up a magical sensor to provide him with a view down the road so that they were guaranteed to get the drop on any incoming travelers. He had set up a fixed-point teleport gate to allow them a quick line of retreat straight back to the tower in case things went bad. As Rite put the finishing touches on his plan and explained the details to his partner, he estimated he even had enough time to set up a magic trap or two in case they had to fight the pigtailed pony after all.
But whoever had first said "no plan survives contact with the enemy" clearly had never had to deal with a headstrong intern.

"What do you MEAN you won't do it?!" Rite snapped, very nearly blasting steam out of his ears.
Swan Song had a deep frown across her muzzle as she tilted her nose up, looking perfectly unrepentent. "Just that. I'm not undoing the spell I put on him. Never-ever."
The stallion's jaw fell slack. "But... You... He... WHY NOT?!"
"Uh, duh? Maybe because I'm not attracted to hairless gorillas?" Swan rolled her eyes. "I can't believe THIS was your great plan all along. You should have told me earlier."
"YES, this is my great plan! I wanted to offer him exactly what he wants and correct the legitimate grievance he has against us in return for our all-important artifact!" Rite shouted.
"Exactly. It'll never work."
"How do you know?!" Rite demanded.
"Because I'm not going along with it."
Rite's horn flared brightly, but he forced himself to calm down against his initial urge to light his assistant on fire. "Swan Song, you're being ridiculous. You honestly mean to tell me that you're willing to derail my efforts here and endanger our entire plan just for an EXTREMELY remote chance to mate with this... THING? He isn't even a pony!"
"He may not be a pony on the inside, but it's what's on the OUTSIDE that counts!" Swan insisted. "Also, I don't just plan on mating with him. We're going to be a proper couple!"
"If you're perfectly fine with some random transformed animal as a partner, then just polymorph a blasted squirrel into your dream stallion or something!" Rite growled.
"Ew, no! I'm not THAT hard up for a date," Swan stuck her tongue out in disgust.
Rite sputtered incoherently for several seconds, and his horn started flickering again.
Then the stallion sucked in a deep, calming breath, and his eyes became hard.
"Swan Song. I am not REQUESTING your cooperation. I'm ordering it. We have wronged this creature, and you have an opportunity to make it right while also accomplishing the most important objective in our greater mission. You are being extraordinarily petty and short-sighted."
"Pft. Whatever." She blew a raspberry at the stallion. "I'm not doing it. You'll just have to come up with something else to give him for the MacGuffin Stone."
"There IS NOTHING ELSE!!" Rite howled, his eyes flashing crimson briefly. "Restoring his original species is the only thing he could possibly want from us! What else would possibly convince him to give up the artifact when he knows that it specifically offers him bargaining leverage against you and I?" He snorted. "For that matter, what did you THINK we were going to offer him when I first told you I intended to negotiate? Did you think we would just try to bribe him with shiny objects or something?"
Swan Song wilted somewhat at this question, her ears falling flat against her head and her eyes drifting to the side. "Well... I kind of thought... you know... that you might offer... me."
Rite recoiled, and his jaw fell slack again. "You thought... WHAT? NO! No, never! I'd never offer you up to a stallion like you were some sort of... some sort of concubine! You're not an object! What kind of pony do you take me for?!"
"An awesome evil overlord who will go to any lengths to humble a veritable sun goddess and have your revenge," Swan replied without so much as a pause.
"I'm NOT!"
"Yeah, well now we're BOTH disappointed," Swan deadpanned.
The stallion collapsed onto the ground, fighting back tears of frustration and sorrow. Rite had always found Swan Song's amoral nature and open lust for power off-putting, but had always reasoned that she was the best assistant he was ever going to get. Anypony more ethical would almost certainly object to his plans, and it didn't really matter so long as she followed his orders.
Now that she WASN'T following orders, Rite began to wonder if his goals would really be any harder to complete without an obnoxiously scatterbrained sorceress by his side. In this particular case she was deliberately making herself an obstacle, and it occurred to Rite that he didn't possess any particular leverage over the mare.
A spark appeared off to the side, and both unicorns started in surprise as one of Rite's spells were triggered.
"He's here! He's here!" Swan bounced on her hooves in glee as the magic spark of light expanded to show a projected view of the road. "He's here! He's... wait, who are THEY?"
Rather than a lone, gray earth pony stallion trotting down the road, Rite and Swan were looking at two mares traveling by wagon. One was a pegasus, and she seemed to be hauling a cart occupied by a rather ostentatious unicorn.
"Aw, fireballs. False alarm. I guess the stud's still a ways down the road," Swan Song muttered.
"But... no, wait..." Rite closed his eyes, and then checked the direction of the MacGuffin Stone's guiding presence. "No... No, they have it! It's moving along with them! They have the MacGuffin Stone!"
"What? Seriously? How?" Swan asked in distress. "Does this mean that the sexy pony isn't coming?"
"I don't... uh..." Rite started to sweat as his mind raced. Several calculations and presumptions had just gone straight out the window, and he had barely a minute to make a decision if they wanted to intercept the pair.
On the one hoof, this DOES resolve my point of conflict with Swan Song. On the other hoof, I'm now dealing with new, completely unknown factors. This could work to my benefit, but... wait...
His eyes narrowed as he stared at the pegasus mare.
Okay, something is strange, here. The gender, race, and mane color are different, obviously, but that pegasus looks VERY MUCH like our target. What if...?
Rite shook his head. "Let's hold back, for now. We don't have enough information and have ample time. We can observe them in town, and then..."
He stopped talking. Not because he didn't have anything more to say, but rather because he didn't have anypony around to listen. Swan Song had already left.
"... I believe some downsizing is definitely in order when we're done here," the crimson stallion sighed.

"... And then there's sausage. Sausage was GREAT." A droplet of drool fell from Ranma's lips and fell into the dust beneath her hooves. "It's a western food, but super tasty. I think it's made by just grinding up the animal along with a bunch of spices and stuff. Usually they're pork. It's not that expensive, either!"
Trixie, who was still wrapped up in her blankets atop the wagon, grimaced in disgust. "Can we talk about something else? Trixie doesn't consider herself an animal lover, but Trixie is still a strict herbivore."
An echoing rumble reached her ears, and then the wagon lurched to a halt as Ranma froze.
"Also, Trixie believes all the talk of food isn't doing your appetite any favors," the magician pointed out.
"That wasn't my stomach!" Ranma clenched her teeth and expanded her senses, searching for the source of the noise. "There!"
Trixie yelped as the pegasus bolted forward, yanking the wagon along behind her. A second later a crackling sphere of golden lightning descended on the road from above, crashing into the dirt and detonating with a deafening thunderclap.
Trixie flinched back from the noise and flash of light, confused and more than a little bit frightened; that lightning orb had been aimed right at her cart. "What's going on? Who dares attack the Great and Powerful Trixie?!" She stood up atop her things as Ranma unhitched herself from the wagon in preparation to fight.
"I do!" Swan Song shouted, leaping from the brush to stand in the middle of the road. The sorceress tossed her head to the side to clear her dark hair from her eyes, and then grinned at the other mares. "My name is Swan Song! Surrender the MacGuffin Stone or I'll reduce both of you to scorch marks!"
"Swan Song?" Trixie asked. "You mean...?" She looked down at Ranma, who met her gaze and nodded.
The magician's expression shifted instantly, turning into a haughty smirk. "Oh, okay. Trixie gets it. You're here for your silly rock, are you?"
"That's right!" Swan confirmed. "Also, I want to know what happened to the stallion who had it! Where is he?! How did you get the MacGuffin Stone from him?! Is he single?!"
"Oh, stop your yelping," Trixie snorted. "So what are you planning to do with it, anyway?"
"I don't-" Ranma started to speak, only for Trixie to make a sushing noise.
"Quiet, Calamity. Let the little bandit speak."
Ranma stared at Trixie in disbelief and confusion. Swan Song stared at Trixie in rapidly building fury.
"BANDIT?! You think I'm some small-time petty crook?!" the green mare screeched. Her horn flashed with magic, and Ranma's pigtail stood on end.
"You're ambushing a pair of travelers and demanding their shiny rocks, aren't you?" Trixie kept a smirk on her face even as the other mare's horn sparked. "If you're not some two-bit rogue, what are you up to?"
Ranma raised a hoof. "Er, but what abou-"
"Not now dear, the unicorns are talking," Trixie again cut off the martial artist.
Swan Song likewise paid the pegasus no mind. "Ha! Wouldn't you like to know? I don't have to explain our awesome evil scheme to the likes of you!"
Trixie sneered. "You don't actually know, do you? Trixie should have guessed. There was another unicorn, right? He probably doesn't tell clueless underlings anything important. For the best, really."
Swan Song saw red for a moment, and a pulse of pure mana blasted out around her, throwing out a wave of loose dirt. The display did no obvious harm, but Ranma felt the nerves along her spine dance at the sight.
"Of course I know the plan! We're going to overthrow Princess Celestia and abolish Equestria's diarchy!" Swan shouted. "We're going to fix the sun and defeat destiny!"
This actually caused Trixie to pause in surprise. Ranma furrowed her brow, and then glanced up at the sky while squinting.
"Fix it? Is the sun broken?" Trixie asked, intrigued.
Swan sighed, and her horn dimmed as she sat down. "Yes, of COURSE it's broken. You see, long ago-"
The scream of a magic arrow came from the forest by the side of the road, and a dart of blazing blue shot out of a bush and sailed toward Ranma's side. It wasn't quite fast enough, however, and Ranma's nerves were on edge already; she bounced up off of her front legs, rearing up just far enough to feel the projectile tickle her belly on its way past.
"Swan Song! Attack the pegasus! Now!" Rite shouted as he emerged in front of the wagon.
"Tch! Calamity! Attack Swan Song! Now!" Trixie shouted in response, jumping down to face the stallion.

Ranma dropped back onto her hooves, glancing back and forth between the unicorns attacking them. "Wait, I'm fighting her? Why do you keep calling me Calamity? Why do we-"
"Flare beam!" Swan shouted, apparently taking no issue with her own orders.
Ranma fell flat onto the ground, cringing while a ray of blazing orange sailed over her head. An explosion came from far behind her, and she focused her attention before jumping back to her hooves.
"A fast one, eh?" Swan asked as smoke poured from her horn. "Well, let's see you dodge-"
Before she could finished the sentence, much less complete her next spell, Ranma had crossed the distance between them and reared back a hoof. Swan screamed as she was slugged in the shoulder and sent skidding across the dirt, and the aura around her horn flickered unsteadily.
"Give it up before I have to get serious!" Ranma growled. "I need you awake and in magic-casting shape when we're done here!"
Why the hell did Trixie give me a fake name? How do I get this dumb horse to change me back if I can't explain who I am?
"Guh!" Swan staggered to her hooves again, her eyes narrowing angrily. "So you have to hold back, do you? TOO BAD! BUTTERFLY EFFECT!"
Her horn flashed, and Ranma tensed as a sudden gust of wind rushed across the road.
After the gust, however, the wind settled. No damage had been done, and yet Swan Song was silently smirking at her.
"... Okay, I don't get it," Ranma mumbled, "what was that supposed to-"
The ground suddenly burst up underneath her, and the earth shot her into the sky on the tip of a huge column of stone. Ranma was fairly shocked by this turn of events, but not so much that she missed her opponent's horn flashing again.
"Volt crash!" Swan shouted, electricity crackling around her head. A second later a lightning sphere was lobbed up into the air at Ranma, appearing to be the same kind of projectile that had initially attacked the wagon.
Ranma spread her wings and then flapped one of them hard, swinging her upside-down and to the side of the electric bomb. She felt her fur stand on end by the sphere's passing and another tingle dance up her back, but Ranma paid the distractions little mind. She spread her wings back to adjust her descent angle, shooting downward like a gray, furry missile.
Swan tried to dodge out of the way when she saw her attack miss, but Ranma's approach was simply too fast. The pegasus slammed into the unicorn, and both ponies were sent rolling painfully across the dirt.
Ranma bounced to her hooves easily, quite experienced with such impacts. Swan skidded to a stop at the base of a tree, curling up and hissing through clenched teeth.
"Now do you give up? I'd really prefer not to beat you up anymore," the pigtailed mare grumbled, "not that you don't have it coming..."
Swan Song grimaced as she staggered to her feet, and her horn started flickering again. "What the... hay... is this?!" she snarled. She considered herself a pretty powerful pony when it came to fighting, but this mare was taking her apart and clearly holding back in the effort.
Time to change strategies! By changing opponents! Let's see how agile you are as a bucking slug! "Try and dodge this, bird-brain! POLYMORPH!"
Ranma was already close enough to easily strike her opponent and disrupt the spell, but upon hearing its name she hesitated.
That's the spell that changes people into other creatures, right? Maybe it'll change me back! Ranma felt the magic engulf her, and her nerves tingled from the increasingly familiar sensation. Or maybe it will change me into something even worse. Aw, whatever, too late now. Might as well give it a chan-
Then Ranma exploded.

While Ranma faced off against the other mare, Trixie sized up the stallion that had ambushed them. Rite didn't cut an especially impressive figure, but Trixie knew that appearances counted for little when it came to magical ability; the most powerful sages could easily be mistaken for hapless civilians, and arcane accessories were hardly any indicator of actual magic skill.
Not that Trixie was compensating for anything with her own outfit, of course.
"So then, Mister Rite, you wish to challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie to a clash of magical skill?" Trixie asked with a smirk. "You-"
About at that point, a spear of flaming energy blasted past the them and shot toward Saddlebrook. Trixie flinched away, almost tripping over her own hooves.
Rite didn't see where it ended up impacting; his eyes were locked on his opponent as the spell exploded far behind him. And in that instant, he saw a moment of genuine shock and terror come from the blue unicorn. She hadn't been prepared to see a spell of that magnitude, and even witnessing a distant miss had seriously unsettled her.
It was gone immediately, and Trixie quickly stood up straighter and re-composed herself, but Rite knew now that the mare he faced was no battle mage or sorceress of any serious power. She was all talk, bluster, and appearance.
But even so...
"If the 'Great and Powerful' Trixie would spare me this battle, it would be much appreciated," Rite said evenly, "I'm just here for the MacGuffin Stone. Nopony has to get hurt."
Trixie snorted angrily. "You have a lot of nerve to say that after trying to blast Trixie to smithereens! Was that lightning bomb supposed to count as a 'warning shot'?" Her horn started to glow.
Rite winced, genuinely embarrassed and lost for words. "... I can't really say much at this point, can I? Still, I don't want to fight. The Stone isn't worth your lives, but I can assure you it's worth risking mine. If you won't give it up, then I WILL take it by force."
"It seems to Trixie you're already doing that! If you won't flee, then Trixie will do away with you!" She completed her spell, and a hissing noise came from her wagon as two firework rockets had their fuses lit.
"I would really like to skip this part; I don't know how long Swan Song will last against that pegasus," Rite mumbled.
The firework rockets blasted away from Trixie's cart, arcing up into the air and then diving straight toward the crimson stallion with a nudge from Trixie's telekinesis. They exploded in colorful swirls of flame, bombarding the sorcerer with jets of bright red, green, and blue.
Alas, the energy was completely wasted, splashing across a pulsing disk of magic. The disk appeared as a wheel of intricate runes assembled around a shimmering white pentagram, and Trixie recoiled in surprise.
"Magic fireworks, eh? Not bad, for an improvised weapon," Rite said, "seriously though: I don't want to hurt you. Give me the gem."
"Then hurry up and flee!" Trixie snapped. She seemed annoyed, but underneath her bravado her mind was racing. She'd never seen a barrier like the one the stallion had used, and was quite put off by how easily and quickly he had set it up. If Rite had any offensive spells as casually impressive as that, then her fight against him could be even more one-sided than Ranma's.
Where IS Ranma, anyway? Didn't he say that he thrashed these mules in an instant the last time he fought them? What's taking him so-
An explosion came from the other side of the wagon, and Trixie had to pin her hat down on her head as a dusty shock wave threatened to bowl her over.
"Of course," Trixie grunted, glancing up at a dark shape spinning through the air high above her, "Trixie doesn't even know what she was expecting."
While Trixie was distracted by her companion's battle, however, Rite had his eyes on his objective. His horn flashed while Trixie stared skyward, and a blade of glimmering light appeared next to him and then darted through the air toward Trixie's neck.
By the time Trixie saw the ghost blade coming for her, it was too late. She flinched back and squeezed her eyes shut as it struck, bracing herself for the pain sure to follow.
"Got it!" Rite cheered. "Swan Song! I have the MacGuffin Stone! We're falling back!"
"Okay! Good! Uh... could you fall back this way, and help me up, please? I... I wasn't really prepared for that explosion..."
Trixie's eyes snapped open, and she looked down at herself in confusion. She was unharmed, but her cape had fallen onto the ground next to her. The gemstone clasp she used to hold it was gone. "... Wait, what?"
Rite raced past her with her gemstone clasp hovering in front of him. Swan was lying against a tree, her eyes spinning and her body extensively battered. "I'm impressed, Miss Song! Kind of. On the one hoof, you clearly didn't realize who you were fighting, but on the other hoof, I'm quite surprised you managed to hold your own!"
"I think we're all pretty surprised right now," Swan Song groaned, "escape, please?"
Without another word, Rite's horn flashed and consumed him and his partner in a flare of white light. The two unicorns vanished.

"...... Wow." Trixie sat back on her haunches, rubbing the side of her head with her hoof. "Trixie did not see that coming."
"Hey! Did they get away?" Ranma raced up to the wagon, a trail of scorched feathers floating along behind her. She stopped and scanned the area, and then her ears flipped down. "Damn it! She got away AGAIN! What IS IT with spells that aren't supposed to blow me up blowing me up?!"
"That is one of a great many questions for which Trixie would like an answer," the magician mumbled as she levitated her cape up above her.
Ranma growled in frustration, and then noticed the cape floating in the air. "Wait, what happened with your fight? Did that Rite guy strip you or something?"
"He stole Trixie's gem clasp," she replied with a frown.
"He... really?" Now Ranma was equally perplexed. "They mistook that for the MacGuffin Stone?"
"It makes some sense. They do look rather similar, and they were obviously in a panic." Then Trixie's eyes narrowed at the pegasus. "Of course, this now means that your running grudge match with them has just cost Trixie an important item. Trixie expects you'll take responsibility."
Ranma recoiled reflexively at the "R" word. "Whoa, whoa, WHOA! You're the one who suddenly took charge of the fight like it had anything to do with you! I was just going to subdue the mare and force her to change me back!"
"Trixie had to take control, or you would have just been carried along at their pace," the unicorn replied with a pitying look, "you may have muscle on your side, but you really have no clue, do you? Aren't you at all interested in WHY a couple of half-way capable sorcerers want an artifact that can reputedly annihilate a planet?"
Ranma glared at her. "Honestly, no. The whole thing where I was turned into a horse kind of put that on a back burner."
"Well, now we know!" Trixie said with a smirk. "They intend to defeat Princess Celestia and take over Equestria!"
"And I don't care about that, so I'd be happy to give them the dumb rock if they change me back into a human and send me back home," Ranma insisted, "on a related note: Calamity? What was that about?"
Trixie hopped back into her wagon, and then pointed a leg toward the harness. "It's your pony name. Do you like it? Trixie think it's quite fitting, considering your cutie mark and the sheer amount of havoc you seem to cause." She blinked in surprise. "Ooh! Havoc! That would be a good name for your stallion form!"
"Okay, NO," Ranma retorted even as she started hooking herself up to the cart again, "first off: Calamity and Havoc? Those are terrible names. You make me sound like some kind of henchman for an evil pony wizard or something."
"Trixie is hardly an evil wizard, and you have a long way to go if you hope to be Trixie's loyal henchpony."
Ranma's eye twitched. "SECOND of all: why do I need a fake pony identity? I'm not trying to hide from those goons! Hell, now I need them to show up again if I'm going to get changed back!" She started pulling the wagon toward the town again as Trixie rolled her eyes.
"Trixie fully expected you to give up an obvious advantage like that, which is why Trixie had to step in. As a magician, Trixie knows better than to enlighten a target that's already been fooled," Trixie said smugly, crossing her forelegs and laying down again.
"Yeah, well, as a former human, my main concern is becoming a former pony, and that isn't helped if the lunatic that did this to me can't recognize me!" Ranma griped as she passed through the official perimeter of the town of Saddlebrook.
"Well, Trixie..." she trailed off and looked off to the side, where a large building was on fire. One side of the structure had been burned clean through, and ponies were rushing about in a panic and carrying buckets of water.

"City hall! The city hall is burning down!"
"What happened? It's like it just lit up out of nowhere!"
"I don't know! There was like this screaming sound and a flash of light, and then everything was aflame!"
"Celestia help us all! What did we do to deserve this?!"

Trixie and Ranma stared for a moment.
"Not our fault," Trixie remarked.
The wagon lurched forward as Ranma started up again. "Of course it isn't. That wasn't even my attack. Dumb evil unicorns need to watch where they're shooting."
"Anyway, as Trixie was saying, what you want to do when facing the unicorns next is totally up to you, because Trixie doesn't plan on being there."
"Right. From here on out we go our separate ways, right?"
"Yes. After you pay Trixie back for her clasp."
Ranma winced. "I can't! You know I don't have any money! And it was those unicorns' fault, anyway!"
"Well, then Trixie advises you extract payment from them after paying Trixie. But Trixie has suffered enough for your shenanigans and demands compensation for her losses," the magician sniffed.
"Oh, get real! If it's my fault that your gem got swiped, wouldn't it also be my fault that the building back there got torched?" Ranma pointed out.
Trixie stopped to consider that. "Huh... good point. Trixie supposes it actually IS your fault that the city hall is burning down."
"What? N-No, it's the opposite. I'm not to blame for either of them! What was I supposed to do, let that fire beam hit me?"
"Well, Trixie doesn't care about the building, so Trixie must admit that's a hard decision. But Trixie DOES care about the gemstone, and has gone out of her way to help you. Are you really going to abandon Trixie so easily now that you've brought your misfortune on Trixie like this?"
Ranma grit her teeth and groaned. She still thought Trixie was being ridiculous, but she HAD taken advantage of Trixie's extremely reluctant kindness, and she HAD failed to protect Trixie and her property from the unicorns when they'd attacked. Besides that, as the only unicorn she knew who had neither tried or succeeded in blowing her up, she really didn't want Trixie mad at her.
"Okay, okay... I'll see what I can do," Ranma grumbled, letting her head sag as she pulled the wagon through town, "So where are you staying now that..." she stopped her question as a pair of pony paramedics ran past, carrying a unicorn on a stretcher.

"Some kind of bomb hit the local inn!"
"It was like a lightning bolt! Every window in the building shattered! Dozens are injured!"
"Are we under attack or something?! Where are the guards?!"
"Oh, the equinity!"

"... That mare really needs to watch her collateral damage," Trixie murmured as Ranma quietly pushed forward again. Emergency workers and pegamedics scurried about all around them, but Ranma made a concerted effort to avoid getting in their way. Or make direct eye contact. "So it looks like Trixie won't be staying in the local inn tonight."
"Sorry," Ranma mumbled.
"Meh. It kind of seemed like a dump, anyway. These rural hotels have no class." Trixie took out one of her canteens with her levitation, and then started heating it with a spell. "Trixie presumes you wish to start your job hunt as a male?"
"Yeah, I guess. I mean, if I find a job that would be better for a chick then I'm fine changing for it, but-" he was interrupted by a splash of warm water over her head, and his wings vanished as his anatomy shifted about. "... Ah. Thanks."
"You're welcome," Trixie said. She hopped down from her cart and then magically removed the harness from Ranma's back. "Trixie will be seeing to her own affairs from here on out. Trixie needs to re-stock supplies, and it looks like there's still time for Trixie to actually put on a show today before it gets late. As you'll obviously be busy as well, Trixie supposes this is the best point to part ways."
"You mean until I get together enough money to buy you a new clasp?" Ranma asked bitterly.
"Naturally. Trixie will give you some time to come up with the bits, but don't take too long. Trixie doesn't want to be stuck in this backwater forever."
Behind Ranma and Trixie, a law enforcement stallion suddenly stumbled to a halt while staring at Ranma. His eyes went wide, and then he quickly turned around and galloped off.
"All right, fine. I'll check in with you later, I guess," Ranma mumbled as he started to walk off.
"If you must. But don't show up just to hit Trixie up for food and blankets again," the magician warned as she hooked herself up to her cart once more.

Ranma left the blue unicorn in the town square, exploring the town by himself. Aside from the recent magical bombardment and the fact that it was populated by talking horses - a fact that he hadn't QUITE acclimated to completely - it didn't seem like anything special. It was larger than Hoofington or Ponyville, with cobblestone roads and bigger buildings that seemed more standardized in construction. A thriving trade town if he'd ever seen one, although - again - he still found the concept of horses engaging in ordinary human market activity a little bizarre.
As he passed by a restaurant the martial artist ground to a halt. Initially he was looking around for any "Help Wanted" signs, but upon looking over the outdoor seating he spotted something unusual. Or at least, it was unusual to him: a gathering of three creatures who weren't ponies.
Ranma recognized one species as a griffon, having had the questionable fortune of running into their kind recently. Another was a shaggy-haired, big-horned creature; he figured it must have been a yak or some other kind of similar mountain-dwelling beast. Finally, there was a huge, bipedal creature that actually resembled a human... half-way, at least. It had an overly muscular torso and huge arms, but also had a bovine lower torso and a bull's head. All three of them were wearing leather jackets, which seemed strange only because they wore absolutely no other clothing. Unless piercings and chains counted as clothing. Each of them sported a wide assortment of metal rings, studs, spikes, and chains to complete what was obviously supposed to be a punk rocker look. Which was completely unnecessary, as their natural bodies already looked far, far more dangerous than any of the town's residents.
The griffon was seated to face Ranma's general direction, and his eyes narrowed when he caught the pigtailed pony staring. "Hey, what're you looking at? You a fan or something?"
Ranma blinked. "A fan? Of what? Bull-people?"
"Bull-people? Ha! You hear that, Rock Heart?" the griffon laughed and leaned forward, pointing his talons at Ranma. "I don't think the smartflank over here has seen a minotaur before. What a dork!"
Said minotaur turned his head to look, and Ranma continued staring up at the massive horned beast innocently.
"Hmph. Whatever." Rock Heart turned back around. "Stop picking fights with the little people, Razor. We've got a real problem now that the inn is trashed..."
Ranma was reasonably surprised to be dismissed without any incident, and he took the opportunity to turn away and go about his business. Now that he thought about it, he had just been given his first opportunity to try and make some kind of independent living in this bizarre and magical pony world, and he really should have been avoiding any potential trouble that could lead to another rapid retreat from the town.
It certainly had nothing to do with his being involved in the destruction of the inn. No siree. Totally innocent on that one.

Ranma continued exploring the town and local businesses, searching in vain for any signs of available work. Eventually he decided to just ask somebody. An older mare manning a vegetable stand informed him that although she had no need of extra hooves, that he would probably find any job openings posted to a large bulletin board in the middle of town.
It didn't take long to find it. Mounted next to a large stonework fountain under a tall awning were several long boards which were covered with sheets of paper and parchment. There were a few other ponies looking it over, but given that the town was still dealing with the earlier collateral damage most of the townsponies had better things to do.
"Let's see... I should probably just stick to heavy labor for now. Quick money, and I don't need to know anyone," he mumbled as he started at one end of the board and narrowed his eyes, "aaaaaand... I just remembered I can barely read this stupid language. DAMN IT." He groaned and smacked a hoof against his forehead. "If it's not one thing, it's another. Can't I get a lucky break, for once?"
"Halt, villain!" came a shout from behind him.
Ranma's eye twitched. "... Okay, yeah. I guess I was asking for that one."
The pigtailed pony turned around to see who was shouting at him. He was only slightly surprised to find himself mostly surrounded by a half-dozen ponies in chainmail, all bearing weapons and generally having the look of medieval soldiers.
"Hello." Ranma pursed his lips and scratched one foreleg with the other as the guards glared at him. "... Can I help you?"
One of the stallions stepped forward. He jabbed a spear at Ranma, which was held in the crook of his foreleg. Ranma thought it looked just as awkward as ponies wielding swords with their teeth, although at least these soldiers wouldn't get hurt if they were disarmed.
"You! You're the stallion the royal house of Canterlot is looking for! You're under arrest!"
Ranma backed up a step. Shoot, looks like that Hoofington thing caught up with me faster than I thought. Maybe I should have stayed a mare after all...
"Okay, look, this is probably just a case of mistaken identity! You have the wrong stallion!" He smiled nervously. "You're looking for some pony named Ranma, right? My name is Havoc!" He wasn't able to speak the name without wincing. He wished he had taken the time to come up with a better name himself after criticizing Trixie's choices.
"Havoc, huh? As it so happens, we don't have a name for the pony we're looking for. Just a physical description," the lead guard explained, "and you certainly fit the description."
As the guard said that his eyes tracked off to the side, looking at something on the bulletin board. Ranma twisted his head around to see what he was looking at, and then cringed.
He hadn't noticed before, but there was a poster with his picture pinned up on the other end of the board among several other disreputable-looking creatures. Ranma couldn't read the description detailing his crimes, but numbering was the same in Japanese as it was in English: there was a 500 something-or-other bounty on his head, apparently.
"Come on, guys! I'm telling you, I'm innocent!" Ranma insisted with a shaky smile. "I haven't done... uh... whatever you think I did!"
"Even if that were true, with a name like 'Havoc' we should probably take you in anyway," remarked another guard.
Damn it. Thanks a lot, Trixie.
"Not to mention that you apparently answer to 'villain'. Nopony else immediately assumed we were talking to them."
Damn it. Thanks a lot, Pavlov.
The lead guard shifted his stance to take a pair of restraining shackles from his saddle strap. "You're hereby under arrest for assaulting a member of the royal family of Canterlot!"
Damn it. Thanks a lot... wait, WHAT?
"Whoa! Hey! Hold on!" Ranma shouted, suddenly leaning forward. "I'm under arrest for assaulting who?"
"Princess Luna, of the Equestrian diarchy!" the guard snarled. The guards sensed a sudden shift in Ranma's attitude, and they readied their weapons again.
"Who the hell is Princess Luna?" Ranma asked angrily.
The guards' jaws dropped.
"Is that some kind of nickname? I've fought a lot of people since I got here, but I don't remember a Princess Luna." Ranma frowned deeply. "Is Swan Song a Princess? Or that griffon chick? I doubt it, since the griffon was a Mayor. Can you be a Princess and the Mayor of a town?"
The guard in front of him just stared incredulously.
"Wait, there was Twilight Sparkle. I think she was a Princess. Is she Princess Luna? But I didn't fight her! That explosion was her fault! Mostly!"
The guard started advancing again. "You know what? Why don't we put these shackles on you, and then we can sort all this out back at the jail."
Ranma immediately shifted into a combat pose - or as close as he had managed as a pony - and his eyes narrowed. "No way! I didn't assault any Princess Luna! I'm not going with you!"
"Yeah, sure. You've been proclaiming your innocence since we found you."
"But I mean it this time!" Ranma protested.
"Implying that there are other crimes we aren't aware of which you ARE guilty of?"
Ranma's expression didn't change, but a droplet of sweat rolled down the side of his head.
"He DID just admit to attacking a Mayor. And what was that about Princess Sparkle and an explosion?"
"We might have a career rebel on our hooves!"
"Subdue him at once!" Some of the guards drew metal clubs, and they rushed the martial artist.

Ranma was having none of it. He closed with the head guard and pushed the spear down into the street, wedging it underneath a cobblestone. A right hook (or the nearest pony equivalent) to the jaw sent the enforcer staggering to the side, and a lightning-fast back kick sent another stallion crashing into the bulletin board.
The guards with spears tried to jab for his legs so that the ones with clubs could get in close and stun him, but Ranma danced around the stabbing lances or smacked them away with ease. One quick blow to the head was all that each pony required to be sent crashing to the ground, their armor all but useless.
"Wh-What's with this guy? He's too fast!"
"Silver Strike! Stop him! Hurry!"
Only two of the pony guards were unicorns, and the one of them still conscious squeezed his eyes shut as his horn glowed brighter and his lance dropped to the ground.
Ranma ducked under a swipe from a pegasus, and then vaulted up into the air, doing a somersault before slamming his back legs into the flying equine. The impact sent the pegasus to the ground as Ranma bounced off to jump even higher, and the martial artist landed lightly atop the awning mounted atop the bulletin board he had been perusing.
"You guys had enough yet?" the martial artist demanded, glaring down at the three guards left. It was then that he noticed that one of them was aiming its glowing horn in his direction. "No! Wait! Magic won't-"
"You're not getting away, criminal scum! Take this!" the unicorn shouted as he unleashed his magic. The paralysis spell was difficult, and it meant that they'd have to carry the suspect back to the jail along with their fellow guards, but at this point it looked like there was no other way to subdue the pigtailed crook.
Don't explode. Don't explode. Don't explode. Ranma chanted in his head as he felt the magic wash over him. There was a churning sensation in his stomach, and his cheeks started to bulge as he felt the sudden urge to throw up.
"So... is it working?" asked one of the remaining enforcers. "He's supposed to lose all muscle control, right?"
"Give it a minute," the unicorn guard insisted as his horn dimmed, "my special talent can stop ANY pony dead in his-"
"BLAAAARG!" Ranma suddenly vomited a jet of blue mist into the two non-unicorns in a fashion that immediately reminded the ponies of a dragon's breath attack. The similarity was driven home when the mist evaporated; two law enforcement equines were frozen solid, their expressions trapped in contortions of fear and shock, and a thick sheet of ice covered the ground at their hooves.
The unicorn was stunned speechless, and he started quivering in terror as Ranma coughed up literal ice cubes onto the ground below his perch.
"Ugh! Damn it! Now I'm all thirsty!" Ranma complained between coughs. "I told you not to do that! Magic doesn't work right with me!"
"M... M..." the unicorn started backing away, his eyebrow twitching. "MONSTER!! MONSTER PONY!! RUN!!" The guard broke and fled, then immediately slipped on a patch of ice and stumbled into one of his unconscious comrades.
Ranma winced as the stallion scrambled upright again. "Look, I just want it on record that I didn't want to hurt any of you, all right? This is all a complete misunderstanding!" The guard galloped away screaming, which didn't leave the impression that he understood Ranma's point.

About then, with him shouting at distant ponies and standing high above the ground, Ranma finally noticed that the guards weren't the only witnesses to his recent combat. He had confronted the guards in the middle of town, near a public gathering place, and as such there was quite an audience of wide-eyed civilians that were watching the scene in shock.
"Uh... h-hi..." he said awkwardly, glancing left and right at the crowd of ponies. "Um... I don't suppose anyone here is hiring right now?"
This went about as well as he expected.
"It's a monster! Did you see that breath weapon?!"
"It beat up all the guards! Who will save us now?!"
"I bet it destroyed the city hall and the inn, too!"
"Although that accusation is based on purely circumstantial evidence and a growing sense of panic, there's enough of both right now that I'm perfectly willing to embrace it. FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!!"
Ranma's ears flipped down as more and more ponies screamed and galloped away. Mothers flung their children onto their backs and ran, shop owners slammed their front doors shut, and ponies towing wagons broke free of their harnesses and abandoned their cargo in a completely unnecessary dash for safety.
"... Okay, then. I'm, uh... I'm gonna go find some water," Ranma mumbled, dropping down onto the ground. He stopped and glanced back at his wanted poster, and then quickly tore it off with his teeth before slinking away down the road.
Assaulting a member of the royal family, huh? Geez! As if I didn't have enough trouble brewing with all of my completely legitimate fights, now people are just outright framing me for stuff! Shoot. This could ruin everything if I have to be in mare form just to set foot in a town!
He shredded the poster in his mouth and then spat it out into a garbage receptacle. Then he took off again to find a well or fountain.
Well, they didn't seem to have any clue about what I did in Hoofington, though. With any luck, maybe me and Trix got away with that!

"Hey, Speedy!"
Speedy Snaps looked up from her newspaper to see another pegasus mare walking into her office. A pair of scrolls were sticking up out of her saddlebags, and she shifted her wings about to withdraw them.
"Hi, Skies. What have you got for me today?" Speedy pushed aside her current paperwork to clear her desk as the other pony dropped the scrolls in front of her.
"A couple new bounties from a province office. Looks like we have some pony lowlifes stirring up trouble in the sticks." Blue Skies clicked her tongue and shook her head. "Assaulting a public official, breaking and entering, aggravated assault, and even arson."
Speedy quirked an eyebrow. "My, looks like the sleepy rural villages have been getting exciting lately. Let's see, here..."
Speedy Snaps unfurled one of the scrolls part-way with her hooves, but then froze in surprise when she saw the sketch.
"Hold on... this is... no way!"
The other pegasus blinked. "What's wrong?"
"This is him! The pony that attacked Princess Luna!" Speedy cried, opening the scroll entirely.
Blue Skies recoiled. "What? Princess Luna was attacked?!"
"Yes! I think! And this stallion had something to do with it! Probably!" She looked down at the notes on the parchment, listing the pony's specific crimes, relevant observations, and at the bottom... "His name is Ranma? Huh. Exotic."
"Wait, you said this guy attacked a Princess, and we didn't even know his name?"
"Name, motive, exact relationship with the Princess... there's a lot we don't know about him," Speedy admitted. "Hold on, let me get the other poster. The picture is much better than this one." She swiftly turned around and started rummaging through the files next to her.
Unnoticed by the two mares, Speedy's tail brushed the top of her desk when she turned, knocking aside the second scroll that Blue Skies had provided. It rolled off the edge and then tumbled into the wastebasket below.
"Here! Check this out!" Speedy said as she turned and slammed the old poster down next to the new one for a side-by-side comparison.
"...... I like the older poster better," Blue Skies noted, barely restraining a dreamy sigh. The painting that had been used for Ranma's previous wanted poster had him in a dynamic, heroic pose, and an almost tangible sense of passion and adoration was present in the image. The sketch from the province, by comparison, was dry and crude, and looked like a bog-standard mug shot.
"He's a looker, all right," Speedy Snaps whistled through her teeth, "as well as a conspirator against the throne and, apparently, an arsonist." Her gaze hardened. "I wonder if this new crime spree is part of some wider rebellion against the royal family?"
"You think Ranma is attacking villages to try to undermine Canterlot's authority?"
"Possibly," Speedy mumbled, "or perhaps he's trying to lure a Princess to intervene directly. He apparently missed his first chance to take one down, but he could be gunning for another shot at assassination."
The mares frowned silently at the pigtailed stallion on the wanted poster.
"Well, whatever. Not our job."
"I'm sure he'll be brought to justice and everything will work out."
Speedy nodded as Blue stepped back. "I'll transfer this information onto the old poster image and update the poster information. A bounty of 10,000 bits should get some decent hunters on his trail."
"Thanks, Speedy! Later!" Blue Skies saluted and then trotted out the door, only slightly disturbed by the persisting sense that she had forgotten something.

Rite heaved a deep sigh as he walked into the main library of his tower with Swan Song laid over his back. He stopped in front of a couch, and then levitated the mare off of him, rolling her onto the plush cushion.
Swan groaned, feeling waves of pain roll through her body.
"I'll go get you a potion to accelerate your healing. Just lay down and rest," Rite mumbled. He walked over to a locked cabinet and then unlocked it, revealing a collection of colored flasks.
"Uuuungh... I liked it better when you were the one who came back from these missions all beaten up," the mare moaned.
"Yes, this is quite the reversal over our previous encounters with our simian friend, isn't it?" Rite asked as he levitated a red bottle behind him. "But really, it's about time that you suffered the consequences for your mistakes rather than me."
He magically uncorked the flask while glaring down at his assistant. "You disobeyed my orders, threw our entire ambush plan out the window, and rushed into a fight without any idea what you were dealing with. A sound thrashing is the least you deserved for such a lack of sense."
"Wait... say that again?"
"You disobeyed my-"
"No, the part before that." Swan turned over onto her belly, looking perplexed. "What does this have to do with the mutant ape? He wasn't there."
"Yes, he was," Rite drawled, "or she was, I guess. Because I guess the monkey's a female pegasus now."
"......" Swan gave him the same blank stare that usually followed his explanations of extra-temporal mana convergence. "I don't follow."
"It really amazes me how you can be so casually intelligent in some ways and still so dense," Rite snapped, dropping the potion next to her, "that gray pony was our target. She had the same bizarre manestyle, the same fur color, and the same cutie mark."
Swan Song kept staring at the stallion. "But... she was a mare... and-"
"A pegasus, yes, and she had a red mane. Rather than an earth pony stallion with a black mane. All of which are, in sum, less severe changes than the one you already saddled him with by turning him equine in the first place." Rite snorted. "Once I noticed that she was capable of fighting you, I was certain. Somehow our ape has undergone another shape-change."
"But... But that's awful!" Swan's face was ashen, her eyes wide with horror.
"Yes, I know. If you hadn't blown our cover so easily we might still have-"
"His plumbing is all backwards now! He'll never make love as a stallion again!" Swan wailed, almost brought to tears. "And I'm not curious enough to investigate the other methods! I'm not even into mares!"
Rite's eyebrow twitched. "Swan Song, drink your potion."
She miserably levitated the bottle up, and then squeezed her eyes shut.
"Your entirely misplaced despair brings me to our next issue." Rite levitated his bag onto a desk, and then pulled out the gem he had stolen from Trixie. "Despite your bungling, we have recovered the MacGuffin Stone and successfully evaded capture. Even though TO DO THAT I had to use a much longer skip-teleport path rather than using the escape route I had set up earlier. It was a near thing, but I succeeded where you failed."
Swan Song grimaced as she swallowed the concoction. "I didn't fail! I won!"
"Putting aside that blasting the ape wasn't our objective, it took apart a young dragonspawn in melee combat, in an enclosed space, and in the dark. I didn't get a good look at her after you sent her flying, but it's entirely likely that she weathered the explosion much better than you did." Rite cleared his throat. "But anyway, I think we've finally reached the point where your rash decisions and infrequent incompetence have become a severe hindrance to my plans. Swan Song, you're fired."
A cracking noise rang through the library as Swan dropped the empty flask. Her jaw fell open, and her eyes went wide.
"Wh-What? I'm... what?"
"Fired," Rite repeated, "released. Terminated. Separated. Let go. Dropped. Sacked. Purged. Laid off. Downsized. Redundant. Removed from my control, command, and responsibility. Your internship has concluded, and I have deemed you ineffective at performing the tasks for which you were hired. You have until tonight to gather your things and leave my tower."
"B-But! You can't!"
Rite quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? Why not?"
Swan Song's eyes turned big and watery as she started to cry. "I need this internship! You just can't fire me! I have nowhere to go! I can't even go back to my family after I dropped out of Celestia's Dumb School for Prissy Weaklings!"
"That is a problem of your making, not mine," Rite retorted.
"I can't launch my own career yet! None of the evil magic organizations I looked into are willing to hire a battle sorceress with as little combat and conquest experience as I have!"
"That is also not my problem, and also really weird."
"You're the only one offering internships in evil magic with a salary! The other ones are unpaid! I'd need to take a second job! I can't do that! I have hobbies!"
Rite's eyebrow twitched again. "This arrangement was never to train you in 'evil magic', which brings us to our other conflict of interest: I am not on an evil quest, and as such, your position with me was never quite right. I can't really offer you the experience you're looking for in the first place."
"Oh, don't give me that!" Swan shouted, her sorrow briefly converting into angry scorn. "You're trying to tear down the Equestrian royal family and take control of the bucking SUN away from the million-year-old epitome of harmony and love that rules the nation! How is that NOT evil?!"
"My reasons are perfectly just!" Rite snapped back, his eyes narrowing. "You know what happened to me! And if nothing is done, another generation of ponies will have to deal with these cruel, absurd shackles known as 'destiny'!" He calmed down again. "Benevolent as she is, Celestia is still part of a stagnant, oppressive order. So long as things remain as they are, equinekind will never reach its full potential, and hapless, innocent ponies will be condemned to mediocre or terrible fates as dictated by their asinine 'special talents'. Our fellow equines are so dazzled and stunted by their simple little lives and the power of our diarchs that they cannot imagine a better future without them. So I will show them one."
"That is a perfectly reasonable pretext to brutally conquering a nation, but you're still brutally conquering a nation!" Swan shouted through her crying. "And I want to be a part of that! PLEASE!! Let me stay!" Swan was now fighting to speak through her sobs, and Rite was honestly a little moved. He didn't expect her to be THIS broken up about her being fired; it wasn't as if he was going to kill her or remove her memories to cover his tracks.
"Swan Song, this just isn't going to work," Rite protested, "I don't believe this arrangement is beneficial for either of us."
"Yes, it is!" Swan Song protested. "I NEED this position! And I really want it, too! Not just for the pay and experience, which are great, but I really, honestly like your quest for vengeance and the enlightenment of the equine race! And I have SO much respect and admiration for you personally!"
"That last part comes as a surprise to me," Rite remarked dryly.
"I'm sorry I've been flaky! I promise I won't let my regretfully uneventful sex life interfere with our evil plans anymore!" She started kowtowing on the spot, and Rite had to back away quickly to avoid her horn slashing up and down. "And I can still be super useful! You still need me!"
"That would my area of main concern," the stallion mumbled, "I'm not sure that's true."
"For example, you clearly haven't yet realized that the gem right there is totally NOT the MacGuffin Stone!" Swan shouted, pointing a hoof at the object in question.
Rite blinked repeatedly. "What? Of course it..." he hesitated, and then looked over at the gemstone as his brow furrowed. He sensed a magical energy radiating from it, and it LOOKED like the MacGuffin Stone, but neither quality was horribly rare in gems across Equestria. With a deep, concerned frown, Rite closed his eyes and focused his thoughts on his coveted artifact.
A light shone in his mind's eye. Behind him. In the general direction of Saddlebrook. The town they had just left.
"See? Earlier while we were escaping I was thinking 'well, I took a beating but at least we got the MacGuffin Stone in the end', and I had my eyes closed, and then I saw that the MacGuffin sense led back to town!" Swan explained.
Rite opened his eyes and stared at her, his expression completely inscrutable.
"... I, uh, didn't say anything at the time because I was afraid you might drop me and go back for it," she admitted, her ears flipping down. "... Sorry."
Rite sucked in a deep breath.

Trixie flinched and briefly pulled her hat down further over her ears. "Who's that screaming? By Celestia, I think it's bleeding through the dimensional veil!"
Several other ponies ducked and covered their ears, cringing against the soulful wail full of anguish and regret. Mothers pushed their children to the ground to protect them, and the few unicorns nearby clenched their teeth as their horns seemed to amplify the noise in their brains and impart some small sliver of the origin's pain.
"What's going on? Is it another attack?"
"My horn! My freaking horn! It hurts!"
"What is WITH today?!"

After a few seconds the ghastly howl faded, and Trixie slowly stood up again. She glanced left and right, but could see no obvious source of the disturbance. There was also no apparent damage, other than the ponies crowded in front of her being emotionally rattled.
"Ahem! Well, that was odd, but it seems that the disturbance has passed without any lasting harm! The show must go on!" Trixie said firmly, casting away her doubts and lighting up her horn under her hat.
She was standing on a raised concrete platform in the middle of a park plaza which was set on the edge of town. Large purple curtains had been set up around a crudely painted wooden backdrop, which was frankly the closest thing to a stage setup that Trixie could fit into her travel wagon. Several puppets floated in the air before the magician, suspended by strings which were in turn manipulated by the pink aura of Trixie's magic. She had managed to attract a fair-sized crowd with her puppet show, although there were more colts and fillies than she usually catered too. Which was fine; entertaining young ponies was the bread and butter of a stage magician, and parents tended to be more generous with their bits when their children were happy.
Trixie's only real concern was that the suddenly disaster-stricken town of Saddlebrook might enter some kind of panicked lockdown, what with dangerous magic tearing buildings apart at random and mysterious voices screaming at them. She imagined she could have gotten a much bigger audience if so many ponies weren't rushing to get their families behind locked doors.
"As Trixie was saying: the evil griffon Princess Silver Falcon had captured Trixie with her treachery, dragging Trixie to her crime lair and restraining Trixie with her army of hired pony thugs! Her son, Capatan, whom Trixie had bested and injured earlier, cackled with malicious glee to see the proud and beautiful sorceress brought to heel before him! Some names may have been changed to protect the innocent. The innocent being Trixie. Although Trixie's name is the same. Anyway."
The two griffon puppets danced around each other in glee, while a small wooden Trixie puppet was pinned by a trio of stallions.
"How dare you, Falcon?! Trixie was only defending herself from your goons, as is her just and lawful right!" Trixie's puppet clapped its wedge-shaped jaw open and closed as Trixie spoke out of the corner of her mouth.
"Hoooohohohohoho!" The female griffon puppet placed a paw to its cheek while Trixie mimicked a classic noblewoman's laugh. "You think your silly laws mean anything to me? You'll pay for your defiance for the rest of your life! You'll make a pretty little slave, with your entrancing looks and amazing skills! Maybe I'll have you entertain the mongrels that steal for me!"
"You won't get away with this!" Trixie puppet declared.
"Oh? And who is going to stop me?" Silver puppet taunted.
Trixie made a respectable window-shattering noise as a Ranma puppet - in stallion form - suddenly burst onto the scene in a shower of magical blue sparks.
"Trix! It is I, Havoc, your incredibly strong but thickheaded traveling companion! I've found you!" Ranma puppet shouted, rearing up onto its hind legs. "Don't worry! I'll save you!"
"Trixie isn't holding her breath," the Trixie puppet mumbled.
The Silver puppet danced in rage. "You insolent worm! How dare you intrude upon my property! Although, since my legitimacy as a public official is questionable, surely my claim to private property legally protected from intrusion is up for debate as well!"
"I don't know or care about that!" Ranma pony shouted defiantly, flailing a hoof at the griffon. "I'm here to rescue the Great and Powerful Trixie, who took pity on me and shared her food like the true saint she is! Give up now or I'll beat you all to a pulp!"
The griffon puppet turned to look back at Trixie puppet, and then flipped around again to face Ranma puppet once more. "How about no." All the puppets for the evil characters immediately surrounded Trixie puppet, weapons raised.
"Oh, wow. I'm kind of a dope for not expecting this," Ranma puppet admitted, "being the strongest pony ever doesn't really help if I just get the pony I'm trying to save killed. Heh. Oops!"

As the audience laughed at the show - having gotten over their earlier shock, it seemed - another equine trudged up to the park to see what the commotion was about.
Ranma was in pegasus form again, her mane and fur still damp from swiping a bucket full of water and splashing herself away from prying eyes. She was feeling somewhat depressed after learning that she'd acquired a criminal record, and was even more so once she considered that she'd added to it (and somewhat legitimized it) by fighting off the town's guards. Ranma had no clue how easily word spread around the disconnected, sparsely populated towns out in the Equestrian woodlands, but it seemed that she'd have to stick to her mare form around public spaces from now on. It was completely unfair, but she had to admit that it was at least convenient that she had a ready-made magical disguise. Given that ponies apparently preferred to walk around naked, an outfit to hide his identity might attract more attention than it averted, and thanks to the stupid mark on his butt he probably couldn't get away with anything as simple as changing his hairstyle and fur color.
Besides all the totally unwarranted oppression by the local government - which was apparently unable to keep bandits and sorcerers from assaulting ponies traveling its roads but had ample resources to hassle HER - Ranma was also still unemployed. She still couldn't read any job postings even if she wanted to risk going back to the bulletin board, and her usual short-term job of choice as a female, waitressing, was probably impossible. Such a job often involved handling or being around hot water, and avoiding that was now a matter of personal safety as well as prudence.
"This planet sucks," she hissed under her breath, collapsing onto her rear behind a pair of giggling fillies, "this country sucks. This species sucks."
After spending a moment brooding and staring at the ground, another wave of laughter came from the ponies around her. Ranma looked up. Trixie was grinning as her puppet ruthlessly kicked at a flailing griffon puppet.
"This is what you get for foalnapping and threatening Trixie, bird-brain!"
"Oh! Please, Great and Powerful one! Spare us!" cried the smaller of the two griffon puppets. "We have a troubled backstory that exposes the cruelty of society and makes us look like victims overcoming the odds stacked against us!"
"So does Trixie! You can sum it up as 'this stupid griffon captured and threatened Trixie, so Trixie broke free and thrashed her'!" A spark of bright blue light appeared atop Trixie puppet's horn, and then the two puppet griffons were blasted away in a burst of rainbow-colored light.
The audience laughed, and Ranma felt her lips twitch into a smirk herself as she watched the griffon puppets bounce across the makeshift stage and onto the ground. "Well... I guess ponies aren't ALL bad."
Trixie's puppet did a pirouette, and then bowed to the audience. The Ranma puppet stood behind her, rubbing the back of its head with a leg. "And that, folks, is the tale of the Great and Powerful Trixie's amazing and legally permissible victory over a griffon crime lord! Come, Trixie's useless sidekick! Take a bow!"
The Ranma puppet stumbled up next to the front of the stage, looking bashful, and then tripped on its own legs to smash its face into the stage.
A vein popped up on Ranma's head as the crowd laughed louder. "... Well, whatever. It's just a show."
"Hey, there's already somepony here," grumbled a voice behind her.
"Yeah, sure. We'll send her packing," snorted another.
Ranma glanced back over her shoulder. "Hmm?"

"Trixie would like to remind the audience that although the story Trixie just shared is one-hundred-percent true and accurate, it may bear a striking resemblance to similar recent events of more dubious legal justification! These similarities are entirely coincidental, but just in case, Trixie would appreciate your not sharing this story with the local guards!" Trixie got a few odd stares from the adult ponies in the audience, but was undaunted. A young colt raised a hoof into the air, and she pointed her foreleg at him. "Yes? You have a question for the Great and Powerful Trixie?"
"Is your sidekick really named Havoc?" asked the colt. "Are you sure he isn't a bad guy? That sounds like some evil wizard's henchpony or something."
"As Trixie said, some individuals' names have been changed for various reasons Trixie won't get into," the magician assured him, "also, no, Trixie isn't completely sure he isn't a bad guy. But the Great and Powerful Trixie is kind and benevolent and also doesn't really care, so Trixie will forgive any of his past misdeeds. Any other questions?"
Another filly raised her hoof, her eyes shining. "It was so cool the way you worked together to beat Silver Falcon! Are you and Havoc special someponies?"
Trixie bellowed with laughter, almost stumbling off her hooves. "HA HA HA HA! Is.. Is Trixie...? HA! Oh Celestia, you're serious! HA HA HAH!" She wiped the tears from her eyes as the filly's ears drooped. "Ha ha ha... haaaa. Phew! No." Heaving a tired sigh at having laughed so hard, Trixie looked around for any other ponies with their legs raised.
"Hey, I've got a question!" barked a voice near the back. "When does this snoozefest END?"

The mood dipped instantly at the belligerent shout, and the crowd turned to see who was yelling. A minotaur and griffon in leather jackets stood at the back with their arms crossed, glaring at the magician with angry sneers. A similarly clothed yak was behind them, hitched up to a wagon that had several instruments and speakers sitting in it.
Upon seeing the larger and rather scary-looking creatures, the crowd of ponies quickly parted to give them a clear path to the stage. Many of the equines simply gathered up their families or companions and left, and Trixie felt her anger rise as she saw her audience break apart and start to slink off. She hadn't even had the opportunity to pass around a donation tin, yet!
"If you're looking for the local hospital, Trixie can't help you. Trixie happens to be new in town," the unicorn said with a glare. As expected, they looked confused at the statement. "Trixie assumes that's what you're looking for, seeing as you were clearly mauled by a Trot Topic recently."
A few quickly stifled chuckles came from the ponies still around. The yak's stony, generally disgruntled expression was pretty hard to judge, but the minotaur and griffon looked appropriately offended by the comment.
"Mare, you better dial down the ATTITUDE," snapped the griffon as he shot up into the air and then hovered over Trixie, "do you know who we are?"
Trixie was undaunted, as usual. "Trixie would guess that you're cast-offs from a local circus, but Trixie doesn't want to be offensive to carnies and circus freaks by associating you with them," she spat.
The griffon balled his claws into fists and sputtered incoherently, but then the minotaur shouted at him. "Hey! Razor! Chill!" The massive bovine walked up to the stage, staring Trixie straight in the eyes. Even given that the unicorn was standing on a raised platform, she still had to crane her head upward once he got within arm's reach.
"You got a lot of nerve, pony. And I can respect that. But we're going to need you to trot off." He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder as the griffon landed next to him.
"Excuse Trixie? Why should Trixie leave? Who are you weirdoes, anyway?" Trixie demanded.
The minotaur jabbed a thumb into his chest. "My name is Rock Heart. This here is Razor. The scruffy guy back there is Yakkity. We're the members of Tears of Discord, the most intense and relevant alternative metal band in the Western Territories!"
"Right. Because Trixie is sure there's a lot of competition for that," the unicorn drawled, "also, 'Tears of Discord'? Trixie knows that the names of music bands are SUPPOSED to sound ridiculous, but there are limits to how much stupid you can fit on a single advertising poster."
Razor was trembling in fury, obviously struggling to contain himself against the constant barrage of insults. Rock Heart seemed to take her scorn in stride, however.
"It's a reference to the ancient tyrant Discord's shift from universally reviled villain to a rural sideshow after being 'reformed'," Rock Heart explained, making air quotes at the last word, "a statement of loss and turmoil for a being coerced into fighting its own nature. It's deep!"
"Trixie can see why there aren't more minotaur poets," she quipped, "anyway, getting back to your actual request: no. Trixie happens to be putting on her own show, and sees no reason to cut it short for you. Trixie would probably be doing the citizens of Saddlebrook a favor."
Rock Heart again snapped a glare over to Razor, who looked like he was about to pounce. "Yeah, that's not gonna fly. Allow me to explain." The minotaur pointed over to the inn, which was visible thanks to be being two stories taller than the next-tallest building. "We were originally supposed to play in the inn, but then some kind of lightning bomb hit it. Blasted out all the windows and totally shorted out the electrical system. So now we can't play there."
"When do you get to the part of this that's Trixie's problem?" Trixie demanded.
"Right now." Rock Heart pointed at the yak waiting silently behind him. "Our saxophone player gets REALLY upset when things don't work out just right, see? We had a hard time cooling him down by coming up with another decent venue for our concert. But if we have to start late because some two-bit magician was hogging the stage? Well... that could push him over the edge."
"YAKKITY HAVE ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES!" the yak bellowed. Those ponies in the audience that still remained quickly moved to leave, although it was more because of the excessive volume than fear of harm. "YAKKITY CHANNEL INNER STRIFE INTO MUSIC! WHEN YAKKITY CANNOT DO THAT, YAKKITY USUALLY CHANNEL INNER STRIFE INTO PONY FACES INSTEAD!"
Trixie looked perturbed at this. "... Your metal band has a saxophone?"
"ALTERNATIVE metal band," Razor snapped.
"That doesn't mean you can just play whatever kind of music you want, you know," Trixie said.
"PONY NO CRITICIZE YAKKITY'S ART! YAKKITY FEEL RAGE BUILDING WITHOUT EXPRESSIVE OUTLET!" The shaggy-haired musician started trembling, and he began grinding his teeth.
"You heard him, mare. Between tossing you out of here and restraining a furious yak, kicking you out is the lesser hassle." Trixie started backing up, scowling. "This town has been through enough today, you know? Now beat it." The minotaur started to climb up onto the concrete platform, but then recoiled as a grayish blur skidded to a stop in front of him and pressed a hoof flat against his chest.
Rock Heart blinked in surprise. There was a pegasus mare on the stage between him and Trixie, holding him back with a single leg. He wasn't putting any real force into advancing, so he couldn't get a measure of the mare's strength, but the idea that it had even occurred to her to try to physically stop him was absurd.
"All right Mister Heart, why don't you settle down?" Ranma asked. "The lady was here first. You're just going to have to wait for the show to end, or leave."
Rock Heart stared down at the pegasus incredulously. "Who the Tartarus are YOU supposed to be?"
"You could say I handle security for Miss Trixie here." Ranma stretched a wing behind herself to gesture to Trixie, who seemed almost as surprised to see her as the musicians. "You seem like a reasonable bull-person, Mister Heart, so I trust we can resolve this situation like reasonable talking animals. There's no need for violence."
Rock Heart's expression changed from disbelieving to disinterested. "It isn't 'violence' to pick up a pony and drop them off someplace else, is it?" He reached down for the pegasus.
Ranma swatted his hand away with a hoof, and the minotaur recoiled when he actually registered a jolt of pain from his arm.
"If you try to remove us by force, there will be violence involved, believe me," Ranma said blithely, "now, if your hairy buddy back there is causing a problem, then I recommend you deal with him. Otherwise you're going to have TWO problems."
Trixie, suddenly sensing that she was no longer the center of attention, interjected. "Thank you Calamity, but there's no need to dirty your hooves dealing with these cretins." She sniffed and spoke to Rock Heart directly. "You and your little 'band' are causing a disturbance and threatening an innocent mare in the most public place in town! Look around!"
The minotaur and griffon did so, noting that the plaza was now almost completely abandoned. Trixie's audience had completely dispersed, and the only ponies watching did so from a distance as they walked through the streets.
"You think that none of the ponies you drove off didn't report this?" Trixie smirked. "You're going to have guards crawling all over this place soon! If you leave now, then Trixie will forgive you for driving away her audience before Trixie could collect any money, but otherwise you'll be putting on your concert for the town jail."
"Y-Yeah," Ranma stuttered, a droplet of sweat rolling down her head, "the guards will take care of you... uh... when they get here." She fought the urge to sigh miserably. Why does every single thing I do come back to bite me in the ass?
"Like it's our fault you don't charge admission up-front!" Razor scoffed. "As it happens, OUR fans did already pay for tickets! And if we can't put on a show, then we have to refund their money!"
"How symmetrical, then. Trixie's funding scheme isn't your fault, and your scheme isn't Trixie's. What IS your fault is that you're still here!" She whipped her head back and forth. "Where the hay are the guards? Trixie's sure that the barracks is right down the street!"
More droplets of sweat rolled down Ranma's head. "Look, guys: no matter what you do, this isn't going to end well for you. So why don't you just-"
"YAKKITY HAS EXCEEDED TOLERANCE FOR SENSIBLE, RATIONAL DISCOURSE!!" Yakkity suddenly screamed, almost knocking his other band members over with an infuriated bellow. "YAKKITY SMASH!!"

The saxophone player bucked the wagon he was towing, shattering the harness on his neck. He stamped his hooves and bellowed into the air, no doubt informing anyone in the town not already aware that there was a conflict taking place.
"Aw, screw it! We'll teach you to mess with us!" Razor screeched, jumping up into the air and then diving straight for Trixie.
To his shock, the pegasus pony reacted just as fast. Ranma jumped and rolled through the air before lashing out with a single kick, striking Razor's wing hard. The griffon tilted badly to one side while in mid-dive, and then crashed onto the concrete platform just out of arm's reach of Trixie.
"Oh, what the hay is this?!" the magician growled as the griffon skidded past her. Her horn flashed, and a length of rope keeping one of the curtains in place snaked down to bind him. "Why aren't the guards coming? Did not ONE of those ponies tell them about this?!"
Rock Heart leapt onto the stage and made as if to swing at the unicorn, but suddenly had Ranma in front of him again.
"The guards might be unconscious!" Ranma explained. Rock threw a punch at her, and she kicked out with a foreleg, stopping the minotaur's fist dead. He was understandably shocked, and took a moment to gape at her.
"What do you mean 'might be unconscious'? Why would they be sleeping? It's the middle of the day!"
"I mean that somebody might have knocked them out by force!" Rock Heart swung at her again, and she again met his fist with her hoof. "I'm sure whoever it was had a perfectly good reason!"
"YOU KNOCKED OUT THE GUARDS?! ALL OF THEM?!"
"I didn't say it was me!" Ranma ducked under the next swing, and then saw that the yak had finally rampaged his way free of his harness and had jumped onto the stage as well.
"Who else would have done it?!"
"Can we save this conversation for later?" Ranma growled. Rock Heart backed away as Yakkity charged, clearing a path for the shaggy musician to trample the martial artist.
Ranma jumped, landing on Yakkity's back as he tore across the length of the stage area and back into the plaza proper.
"PONY GET OFF RIGHT NOW! THIS BEHAVIOR DEMEANING TO YAKKITY'S PEOPLE!!" the yak roared, his charge path starting to veer from side to side.
"I honestly don't think I can make you look any dumber than you already have," Ranma quipped, "but I do love a challenge!"
Bracing her hooves against Yakkity's horns, she tilted his head sharply to the right. Yakkity immediately veered in that direction, either oblivious that he was being steered into a light post or helpless to stop in time.
Ranma did a backflip off the yak just before he collided, flapping her wings gently to land lightly on the ground. Yakkity struck the light pole at full speed, nearly ripping the heavy bolts out of the ground and folding the metal post sharply at the point of collision.
"Th-This not... yak pole..." Yakkity mumbled as his knees buckled. "Yak poles... much stronger... than pony poles... this concussion... puny... unggh..." he slumped to the ground, unconscious.
Ranma stared for a moment, and then her eyes widened. "Oh. OH! I get it, now! Yakkity! And you're a saxophone player! HAH!" She shook her head, chuckling. "Man, all these animals' names are silly. Wow..."

Trixie, meanwhile, was facing down the minotaur during Ranma's absence. Or rather, facing up the minotaur, since she was barely as big as one of his forearms.
"Toro! Toro!" Trixie shouted, levitating her cape next to her and waving it in the air.
Rock Heart turned away from the sight of Yakkity's twitching body and glared. "That's incredibly offensive, you know. And ineffective. I'm not going to charge your stupid cloth."
"Then you can just stand there until Calamity gets back to rearrange your facial piercings. Trixie is fine with either course of action, really."
The minotaur snorted angrily and leapt forward, rearing back a massive fist and punching directly at the magician's head. Normally he would have restrained himself while fighting a mare a fraction of his size, but he was already entirely enraged and confused by the other mare proving to be a physical match for him.
As it so happened, it didn't matter. When his fist touched the smirking muzzle of the blue pony, Trixie's image shattered into motes of light and he found his arm wrapped in the purple, star-patterned cloth of Trixie's cloak.
"Behold, the Great and Powerful Trixie's magic mirrors!" Trixie shouted as she jumped out from behind one of the suspended curtains. "An essential component of any illusionist's act!"
Rock growled and turned around. Trixie's haughty expression faltered when she realized that he wasn't facing the image of her that had just revealed itself.
"Behold Rock Heart's EARS, which can still hear you, moron!" he began stomping directly toward the magician while still clutching Trixie's cape in his hand.
"Given that you claim to play heavy metal, Trixie feels like that oversight is justified," she mumbled. Her horn flashed again. "Time for plan B!"
Her cape suddenly twisted about in Rock's hand, stretching down and wrapping around his legs. The minotaur staggered, but managed to stay upright.
"Bah! You're just wasting my time!" he roared, grabbing the cloth with his other hand and ripping the cape apart. He threw the shredded scraps of cloth to the side and snorted angrily.
"Well, yes. That's plan B," Trixie explained, "distract you until Calamity gets her act together and takes you out."
Rock Heart halted, and then felt a hoof gently prodding the back of his leg.
He whirled around with his fist already swinging, curving low to strike at pony head level. Ranma jumped over the attack, and her body spun in the air for a second before she lashed out with a back kick. Rock's head snapped painfully to the side, and he stumbled.
Ranma clamped her back legs tight around the minotaur's neck, and then spread her wings. With a powerful flap and a mid-air backflip, she threw the guitarist off the stage and sent him skidding across the plaza. Rock Heart slammed into his band's equipment cart, and then groaned pitifully before he passed out completely.
"Hmm..." Ranma landed from her maneuver, and then twisted her head to look behind her at the minotaur. "Rock Heart... Oh, I get it! Like, 'Heart of Rock'! As in, music! I kind of like that one." Then he turned back around. "And what was the cat-freak's name? Razor? That one's not as clever."
The griffon on the ground struggled and squirmed against his bonds, glaring over at the pegasus. "It suits me, though! Let me show you WHY!"
Razor finally managed to get the leverage necessary to run his talons across the rope binding him, and they came apart with ease. Trixie's horn flashed as the rope went slack, but Razor already had his wings spread and was bolting toward her with one arm slashing toward her neck, and his natural speed far exceeded any possible defense she could offer.
Razor saw a gray blur, and then a hoof materialized in front of his eyes. Then everything went dark for a while.

Trixie jerked backward at the sound of a cracking impact, almost tripping over her own legs. She hadn't been able to track the events of the last 0.7 seconds with her eyes, but Ranma was now standing in front of her, rearing up and spreading her wings, and she looked far more angry and serious than Trixie had ever seen the stallion-turned-mare.
Razor was also sliding down the side of one of the trees in the plaza, so that explained what happened to him. All three of the musicians were finally unconscious.
"... Sorry about that," Ranma mumbled before she dropped down onto all fours, "almost let that guy get to you. Damn cat-freaks are pretty fast."
Trixie coughed to calm her shaken nerves. "Th-That's fine. Apology accepted." Then she looked around the deserted plaza and sighed. "Well, it looks like this was a wash after all. Blast!" Her ears slumped and she started levitating the pieces of her stage to put them away. "At least Trixie managed to sell that slumber ring, but still."
Ranma immediately moved to help, tipping over a metal post and then catching it on her back. Then she wing-tossed it into the wagon parked next to the stage platform. "Well, we don't really have to leave town because of this, right? You were clearly defending yourself. They're the ones who started it."
"Trixie doesn't want to be known around town for having clobbered a bunch of uppity musicians, much less get wrapped up in any legal problems that come from fighting them." She magically folded up the backdrop from her stage and floated it into the wagon, and then turned narrowed eyes on Ranma. "Besides, don't you have some legal troubles of your own that you should be worrying about?"
"Nah. They're only looking for my stallion form," Ranma said while shuffling puppets into a burlap bag.
"Trixie still has a problem with the prospect of you attacking the town's protectors," Trixie insisted.
"I didn't! They attacked me!" Ranma complained. "And not for any of the questionable things I've actually done, either! They just made up some stupid charges about me assaulting a Princess!" He glanced over to the unicorn. "Is it possible that Swan Song or that griffon lady were Princesses? Because otherwise I have no idea what they're talking about."
Trixie blinked in surprise. "No, they're not. Princesses are pretty rare, and Trixie's sure you'd know if you were fighting one." Then she grimaced and sat down. "This is going to make things difficult, though. If you were framed, that means that you may have more enemies than we previously realized, or the enemies you've made have a surprising level of political power. Attacking an Equestrian Princess is a serious crime, and one that's rather easily proven false unless the Princess herself is in on it. You'll need to move and act with a lot more discretion when we reach the next town."
Trixie looked over to Ranma, and was somewhat surprised to see the pegasus looking at her with an almost tearful expression.
"You mean... you... you believe me?" Ranma asked. Although Trixie hadn't questioned her story before when she explained her origin, Ranma was still surprised. After all, now she wasn't just spouting a ridiculous story with no evidence; she was setting her word against Trixie's government and its peace enforcers.
"Of course Trixie believes you. There isn't much point in you making this up. You surely know better than to try to beg sympathy from the Great and Powerful Trixie by now." She pressed a hoof to her chest. "Also, Trixie happens to know a thing or two about bluffing. And you, Mister Space Ape, couldn't bluff your way out of a wet paper bag. You're obviously telling the truth."
"And... And you're going to help me?" Ranma asked, nearly overcome with emotion.
At this question, however, Trixie hesitated. Now that she thought about it, tying herself to Ranma's side wasn't exactly in her best interests. The displaced, cursed alien was a severe drain on her resources, and she had been in more dangerous situations in the few days since she met her than she had ever found herself in over the course of a year on her own. She'd also noticed a disturbing tendency for Ranma's actions to frequently come back to trouble her, regardless of whether those actions were moral, rational, or even a real decision on her part. Now that she had an actual criminal record - legitimate or not - and Equestrian law enforcers - incompetent or not - on her tail, the case was stronger than ever for Trixie to ditch the vagrant and leave her in the hooves of fate.
But as she considered the prospect, she found herself conjuring a few particular memories in her head.
A beaten griffon bandit lying in the road.
Ranma jumping through the window of Sylvia's mansion to rescue her.
Ranma tugging the wagon out of the path of a volt crash.
Ranma standing in front of her, wings spread protectively as another griffon went sailing through the air.
Trixie's shoulders slumped. "Yes, Trixie will help you," she mumbled reluctantly.
Ranma sniffled, and then quickly turned away. "Thank you! Just... h-hold on. I have s-something in my eye." She started rubbing her face with her forelegs furiously.
Trixie felt some of her reluctance fade as she watched the pegasus struggle to contain herself. She didn't like the prospect of taking partial responsibility for the walking disaster that was Ranma Saotome, but she DID like the occasional outpour of genuine appreciation and gratitude. "You don't have to hide it, Ranma. Obviously you're incredibly grateful to the Great and Powerful Trixie for showing you such kindness and benevolence and are moved to tears, as you should be. It's only natural."
Ranma chuckled as she finished drying her eyes, and then went back to loading up the cart. "Heh. Yeah. I guess so, huh? Thanks, Trix."
"In the end, Trixie can't just leave you alone," the unicorn sighed, "after all, you still owe Trixie for her stolen clasp, and Trixie can you see you obviously didn't have any luck job-hunting in this dump of a town. It seems Trixie really will have to have you work as a bodyguard for her."
"Yeah! That's great! I can do that!" Ranma said enthusiastically. She picked up the torn halves of Trixie's cape in her mouth and tossed onto the top of the cart. "And I can still tow you and your stuff!"
"Well, that goes without saying," Trixie agreed before jumping onto the wagon herself. She waited until Ranma had hooked herself up into the harness, and then jabbed a hoof toward the edge of town. "All right, Trixie's faithful sidekick! Onward! To Coltson!"
"You got it, Trix!" Ranma said happily as she started accelerating down the road. "To Colt... hey, wait a minute... SIDEKICK?!"