Not in a hurry, I walked beside my bike while I read the sexuality book. I almost got hit by a car, but after that, it was smooth sailing as I answered question after question. Of course, once I had gotten to the library, I had all but two of my questioned answered with a score of 124. Taking a seat on a beach near the library, I looked over my last two questions again. One of them was, “What sounds better, sex or cake?”
I circled cake.
“What could be better than cake?” I asked myself.
The next question, I stopped on for a bit. On it, were a picture of several people, men and women of that I guessed were suppose to have various levels of appeal. It ranged from them being in swimwear, to having nerdy glasses. One was even a warrior elf from a painting, and the answer of nothing. Worried about what each answer would bring, I decided to just look at the points I would get between my final three choice (the normal looking girl, nothing, and the elf) and decided, based on which points what would give me, to look up the answer. Which I thought would be around the same area. Turns out, with my luck, each choice landed me on a different option.
I boldly followed the instructions to the page to what the ‘none’ answer would give me.
A-sexual.
I didn’t read the content right away, I just stared at that word.
Then, taking a deep breath, I read on.
"An asexual (slang term: "ace") is somebody who experiences no (or very little) sexual attraction. Many asexuals grow up believing they are homosexual, and while some are homoromantic, there is no physical part of them that desires sex. This does not necessarily mean they cannot be attracted romantically. Asexuals can be hetero. Some might experience sexual arousal, but not feel the need to act upon them. Aces usually favor strong platonic relationships over sexual ones, even with their partners...."
I just sat there for awhile, letting it all sink in for me. Though, not satisfied yet, I decided to see what the other option would land me on.
Demi-sexual.
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction…
Either way, I allowed myself to let out a long relieved laugh and leaned myself on the nearest bench. “It all makes sense now!”
Quickly setting myself up, a mother and her two kids walked by glancing at me. I gave them a nervous wave, and they went on their way. albeit, at a little faster pace.
Shaking my head, I looked at my two options. The book—and myself—couldn’t truly decide whether I was Asexual or Demi-Sexual. Either way, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t some weirdo, I just didn’t like boy, or girls! As my hand was about to release the book into the book return, I held onto it for one second, realizing what I had just said. Though, maybe if I didn’t want to find love, everyone else in the world did. Which meant, by default, I was weird. I pulled the book back to look at a troubling spot I had glanced at.
It is harder for asexuals to come out than it is for homosexuals. As they only make up one percent of the population and most people do not know about asexuals. They are even discriminated by members of the LGBTQ community. many people think that it is not a "thing," that they are cold and insensitive, that they are too afraid to admit they are homosexual. Some think there is something wrong with asexuals and they can fix that with…...
Taking many deep breaths as I dug my hand into my pocket and found two coins. In which, I began to hastily rub them together as I thought, ‘Okay… Oh, now what?’
I had just found one thing that made me happy, only to find another that made things worse. Would I now get teased more, would my mom understand? What if she kicked me out or tried to get me ‘cured’ or—
I shook my head. Standing around wasn’t going to do anything. So, I slipped the book back into my backpack—with every intention to return it the next day—and took off home as fast as I could.
****
The next day when I came to school, while still feeling as if I had heavy boots for not telling mom yet. I also felt lot lighter for knowing who I was. Nothing was going to stop me, but first i had to tell someone. It was not something I was going to be happy with. Unless there was someone I could talk to about this with. So, I chose to tell Sweetie Belle, and maybe Apple Bloom and Scootaloo if it came to it. while I would have just felt better with only one person knowing, I would understand if I found myself with all three of the girls around if Sweetie Belle wanted to.
My guy acquaintances, though, could never know. Unless something came up that—between two evils—my life would be simpler if they knew. I couldn't imagined a time that anything would make me bring it up, but that’s how it stood right then and there as I walked into school, looking for the girls. The search didn’t take me long as I saw Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo leaning against the lockers while they laughed at something.
I smiled and waved at them.
Sweetie Belle saw me and waved back. “Hey, Button, how’s it going?”
“Been going great!” I then looked around cautiously. “How did… things go last night?”
They began to act nervous until Scootaloo gestured to the gymnasium. A good place I suppose as any to have a private conversation, which worked for me tool.
One hop and skip later, and one quick little look around to make sure we were alone, I asked, “Okay, so how was the date?”
With nothing to hold it in, both of their faces flustered red as their fingers began to interlock.
“Well,” Sweetie Belle cooed, “it was really sweet.” She giggled. “Scootaloo first took me out to a diner, then we went to see a movie,” she sighed, “then we—”
“He doesn’t need all the details!” Scootaloo shouted, perhaps a little too loudly.
We waited a bit till we felt certain no one had heard, then I commented, “So, good then?”
They both turned to face each other, gazing at each other with lust filled eyes, and said, “Yeah…”
They then kissed, and as I turned around, I swore I heard a little squeak from the far end of the gym. Thought, I was sure it was nothing, so I looked back at them after they pecked and said, “Well, I’m very happy to hear that.”
“Thanks,” Scootaloo said as she placed her hands behind her head. “Though I suppose—”
“Actually,” I cut off, “I got something I need to tell you two.”
They blinked at me. “Oh?”
“Yeah,” I began to fish the book out of my backpack, “I kind of held onto your book a bit longer, Sweetie Belle.” I pulled it out. “Sorry about that. I would have just returned it and checked it out myself, but…” I shook my head. “In any case I’ll return it soon if you don’t mind.”
Sweetie Belle said nothing as I flipped through the book.
“Anyways, I took that little test and—”
“And it says you're gay?” Scootaloo guessed
Sweetie Belle glared at Scootaloo.
“What? I didn’t mean it in a bad way!. Geez. I mean, if he’s interested in the opposite gender—”
“Actually, no.” I corrected. “It didn’t say that.”
Scootaloo stared at me. “So…”
Sweetie Belle’s smile began to demise, “So you are into girls?”
Thinking this was funny, I began to chuckle. “Not quite.”
Both of their eyes widened till Scootaloo asked, “If you don’t like boys and you don’t like girls, then what do you—”
“I’m asexual,” and with that, all my fears melted away as they at least looked confused at this.
“A what now?”
“Asexual.” I opened the book and flipped to the page. “That or Demi-sexual, either way,” I got to the page as they began to lean in, “it means I’m not interested in either boys, or girls. Of course, it’s possible that I might be a bit Demi-sexual, which means I can only like someone if I’m really close to them.” I quickly looked at Sweetie Belle who had just bite her lip. “Though it’s likely I just don’t want to date or ever have sex with anyone.”
“Huh,” Scootaloo said as she looked the page over. “So thats a thing?”
“Yup,” I nodded. “Though, I’m still kind of worried, since… well, you’re the first I told.”
Sweetie Belle tapped her chin. “I guess that would explain a lot.” She then scooted over next to me. “If that’s the case, sorry for, if I ever… tried to make advances towards you, Button. I didn’t mean it and—”
A put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, I don’t want any of that, Sweetie.”
“But—”
“It’s done, you’re with Scootaloo, and even if I was interested in romance, I’d much rather see you happy.”
This brought a tear to her eye. “Thanks, Button.” She then wrapped her arms around me.
I happily hugged her back.
“This is a great greeting card moment and all,” Scootaloo said, bringing us back to attention, “but I think we need to get to class. The bell should be ringing—”
The bell rang.
“Right,” Sweetie Belle squeaked as she picked up her bag.
I followed suite, as I asked, “You promise not to tell anyone?”
“Sure,” Sweetie said. “Though, I don’t think it’s a big deal.”
“Yeah,” Scootaloo said with one of her hands in her pocket as the other held her backpack. “I mean, if anyone else found out, think of the teasing. Sweetie Belle and I would just be jeered at for a while, you’d never see the end of it with guys shoving playbunny magazines in your face.”
I gulped.
“Scoots!” Sweetie Belle gritted.
Scootaloo held up her hand. “Sorry, but like I said, safe with me.” She then lowered her head and scratched her nose. “Come on. You both know I’d be the last person to do anything mean like that.”
Sweetie Belle sighed. “Yeah, I guess.” She then looked up dreamily at Scootaloo.
Scootaloo looked back.
Their faces inches towards one another.
I made a bee-line for the door with the widest smile on my face as the sound of a quick peck on their lips echoed throughout the gym.
*****
You know the worst thing with days that seem to be going great? There always seems to be something that has to go wrong.
I’m not trying to sound pessimistic, blame the autism, but that always seems to be the case.
Some days I can just have a day where no one teases me and we don’t get a lot of homework. But then you get days where you win a student raffle, and then find out your homework was late. You go to an amusement park, and the one ride you wanted to go on breaks down. Then again, a lot of it on these days were fault to begin with. For example, one day, I could be feeling on top of the world, but because of this, I sometimes get the impression that nothing can go wrong. Which causes my guard not to be so up, and what little filters my mind had to begin with break down on me. So I end up saying or doing stupid things. I’d rather not give a long history of examples, instead let's focus on how that became the case the day I told Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo about my asexuality.
I still had to tell my mom, but at the moment, everything was Perfect. No longer did I have to wonder if I would find someone I liked, because there probably wouldn’t be anyone. So with that, I began to walk with a little swagger in my step between classes. This seemed to catch a lot of attention as people began to stare at me. Maybe if I wasn’t on cloud nine I would have toned it down. But instead, I kept acting like I was a big boy, even to the point of replying to ‘compliments’ some people would make.
“Hey, Button,” one guy said, “you eat some chili, or just got to the dump?”
“Chilly,” I replied casually, “and it was delicious.”
“You got a wedge or something?”
“Maybe, but it’s doing a better job than yours.”
I think you get the idea, so let me get to what I said to Silver Spoon.
Still walking with a little bounce in my step, I happened to pass by her friends. Their leader—and by default most popular girl in school—Diamond Tiara, snickered, “What’s up with the dork—”
I didn’t let her finish. “Ladies,” I aimed both of my pointing fingers at them, “you all look great today.”
Not what they were expecting, they all stared at me with dropped jaws, save for Silver Spoon who began to blush.
I then looked to her. “Especially you, Silver! Still as beautiful with the best hair ever!” I then gave a laugh and walked off, never looking back.
Now, at the time, I kind of meant that as an insult.
Bear with and forgive me.
See, sometime that day, my mind began to wonder towards Silver Spoon and her actions around me. While I wasn’t an expert, I began to think more and more that she was acting flirty. Of course, me being me and her being her, my first thought was she hadn’t taken kindly to when I said her hair was nice. So i figured, she was just trying to make me think she liked me so I’d do something such as ask her out and be made a fool off. So when I complimented her hair, I was saying—least in my mind— ‘I know what you’re up to, and I’m not falling for it. It wouldn’t work anyways.’
Again, sorry, I know how it sounds even if that was just in my head. Though I suppose I got what was coming to me after school that day.
When I walked into chemistry, I was immediately met with a warm smile by Sweetie Belle, followed by several glares when Silver Spoon's friends noticed me.
I rolled my eyes. Although, those same eyes widened as a hand slammed onto my desk once I took my seat. I looked up, to see Tray giving me a death stare. So for the rest of class I stayed facing straight forward even when I felt small objects bombarding my backside. Which Sweetie Belle tried to stop, but I squeezed her hand and shook my head.
“Oh, relax,” Sweetie Belle mouthed. “You know he’s all bark but no bite.”
“Yeah,” I replied, “except you didn’t flirt with his on again off again girlfriend, twice.” I felt something hit my head again.
“I thought you said you didn't—”
“I don't!” I said quietly. “I might have been a little cocky and wasn’t thinking straight today, so...”
Sweetie Belle rubbed her forehead. “Oh, Button. Look, just stick with me and the girls after class. You just gotta let this blow over and everything will be fine.”
“Yeah,” I chuckled, “everything will be fine.”
*****
When the bell rang, the only reason I didn’t immediately make a dash for it was because I figured it would be safer in numbers with Sweetie Belle, rather than facing the hallways alone. Shame to say, two didn’t seem enough, because as soon as we exited the classroom, Tray blocked our path.
“Well, well, well,” Tray said glaring smugly at us. “Look at what we have here. The gay retard with his little girlfriend trying to hit on my girl.”
“Just let it go, Tray,” of all people, Silver Spoon, said.
“Stay out of this, babe,” he then pushed her to the side. “This is between—”
“Hey!” Scootaloo said, having rushed to the scene, seeing Sweetie Belle in distress, she put herself between Tray and us. “You better back off or—”
“Or what?” Diamond Tiara said, coming out of nowhere. “You and your little gay friend are going to make out?”
No one seemed to get that right away, and I guess the few who did thought she was talking about me and Scootaloo.
“Or," Diamond Tiara continued, "was making out in the gym before class with that little whore over there not hot enough for you?” She then laughed to herself as a group of cardboard valley girl cut outs laughed along with her.
We followed her finger to Sweetie Belle, whose eyes widened.
“I…” Sweetie Belle stammered.
“What’s that,” Diamond Tiara pestered as her group of friends laughed more. “Lost for words?”
“Scoots,” Sweetie Belle whispered in Scootaloo’s ear as she held herself onto her back. Though, as Sweetie Belle's face began to puff, she wouldn’t put that much effort into stopping Scootaloo’s rage.
“Aw,” one of the other popular girls cooed, “is—”
“It’s true!” I announced, stepping in front of Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
“Huh?” a few dozen voices replied.
There comes a time—or a lot of times—in every autistic boy's life when, in the same time it takes to blink, they act without thinking because they believe it will do someone they care about a favor. Then, after you did so, you had a moment to take it back and walk away, no harm, no foul. Myself, on the other hand, took in a deep breath, and said,
“I do have a crush on Silver Spoon!”
“What?” twice as many voices—namely Tray’s, Diamond Tiara’s, Sweetie Belle’s and Scootaloo’s—rang out.
Scootaloo was the first to act. “What are you—” she started to stomp forward when I held my hand up.
“You can’t stop me,” I said with a quick little wink. “And I thank you for helping me in the gym to find the courage to do this.”
Having picked up on it, Sweetie Belle started to race forward, saying, “Button, don’t—”
“It’s okay, Sweetie,” I said as I stepped away from them and made my way towards Silver Spoon. Which first required me to push past Tray—who had been stunned enough for me to do so—and walked right up to Silver Spoon, staring her in the eyes.
“Silver Spoon?”
Her face, wide eyed and glowing red, answered, “Um… Ye…”
While I no longer had any hope of getting myself out of whatever mess I was sure to experience, I decided to go full out romantic. At first, I considered grabbing her by the waist, leaning her back, and saying how sexy she was like I assumed any other guy at school might. Instead, I decided to play it a bit more chill. While at least making a show for everyone. But at the same time doing what I considered the proper and most romantic way to ask a girl out. So I might have a chance to get away from this with a little dignity when it was all over.
I took both of Silver Spoons hands into mine.
The mob of students gasped behind me, but I kept my eyes on Silver Spoon's.
“Silver Spoon,” I began, “I think you are the most beautiful girl in school.”
I took a momentary pleasure as I heard—what I assumed was—the sound of Diamond Tiara’s’ teeth grinding against each other.
“Ever since I first laid eyes on you, all I wanted to do was be with you, to hold your hand, and to make you mine. It took all my courage to even compliment your hair. But now, I at last have the strength to ask, Silver Spoon, would you go on a date with me?”
Maybe in any other story, there would be nothing but deadly silence, to the point where you could hear a pin drop. In my story though, there were nothing but daws and aww’s. Cell phones clicking, and the mummer of students not sure what to think about this, or wondering what would happen next. As for me, all I could do was brace myself. Any second, Silver Spoon would jerk her hands away from me, shoot me down, call me a loser. Then, everybody at school would be more interested in me rather than finding out if Sweetie Belle was a lesbian. If not indefinitely, then at least long enough for her to be comfortable with the idea. Instead, as I just continued to stare at silver Spoon, I saw her face not changing expressions. She continued to let me hold her hands without any disgust or protest. I might have even though she would have kissed me then and there, if Tray didn’t break my hold on Silver Spoon by pushing me away.
“Nice try, Romeo. You really think she’d ever—”
“As a matter of fact,” Silver Spoon, head held high, pushed past Tray and made her way to me. With a smile plastered on her face, she said, “Yes, Button, I would like to go on a date with you.”
One could call the hallways after that organized chaos. All around, boys were cheering, girls were texting like mad. Silver Spoon’s friends looked concerned or were ranting off like hens. And Diamond Tiara’s face began to wrinkle and twist as I worried her head might explode.
Tray, on the other hand, began to whimper as he pleadingly reached out to Silver Spoon.
“Bu… but, babe!”
Silver Spoon swatted his hand away. “Don’t babe me, Tray. We broke up, so I’m free to see other people.”
“But, but…” he then gazed at me, a look of murder in his eyes.
I shrank, but then Silver Spoon put a hand on his chest. “And if you, any of your friends,” she looked to the crowd, “or anyone, touches him, you can forget about getting into the yearbook.” She then narrowed her eyes and looked at Tray. “As for you, those ‘special’ shots you wanted will ‘mysteriously’ be deleted.”
His pupils shrank as he backed up. “Fine.” He then raised a finger. “Just don’t expect me to let you so easily come crawling back to me.”
Silver Spoon flipped her hair at him. “Whatever.”
While his friends helped Tray to walk away, Silver Spoon focused her attention on me, face bright red and smiling she said, “So, um, is by any chance tomorrow night fine?” She eyed the immobilized Diamond Tiara. “I have a few things to take care of, or, any time you like.”
I blinked myself out of the trance I found myself in. “Um… yeah, tomorrow, sure thing.”
“Great!” she beamed, then raced forward onto me with a hug, only to pull away just as quick and blush. “Right, I’ll see you then.” She then waved at me seductively and pulled along her friend Diamond Tiara, and along with it, most of the hallway began to clear out.
As for me, I just stood there, trying to figure out what had happened. Though, all I was able to say was, “Wait, she's in yearbook?”
“Dude,” Rumble said, popping out of nowhere, looking at me with the look of one who had just met an all-star. “That was… that was…
“Hey, y’all!” I heard Apple Bloom say, racing up to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, who had a series of mixed emotions crisscrossing on their faces. “What I miss?”