The lights turned back on, and it took just one look around the room to see that all six of the guests were alright.
FoxTrot, however, was lying face down on the floor, unmoving.
“Is he dead?” Grey Cloud dropped her weapon, taking a small, tentative step towards the Host.
Lord Chestnut bent over him. He placed his hoof on the black stallion’s neck. His chest. Under his nose.
“He’s not breathing.” Chestnut said, “I think he is dead.”
“There was a gunshot.” Navy said, “I heard one.”
“Someone tried to take the gun from me, and it went off.” Mustard said defensively. “I didn’t shoot anyone.”
“Well, obviously you did.” Navy gestured to the corpse. “Otherwise he wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Scarlet nodded to a small hole in the far wall, about three feet from the boddy. “Ah reckon she’s tellin’ the truth.”
They all crowded around the hole in the wall. Sure enough, there was the smoke as if it had been recently charged.
“Then who killed him?” Smiles rubbed his head, materializing from behind the couch.
“There was a sound as if he had been hit on the head.” Navy said, but Smiles shook his head.
“I was knocked over and hit my head on the mantle. No one attacked me.” He gestured to a part of the metal grate, scored from his horn.
“Then what about the guitar?” Navy looked at Violet, “You could have easily popped to behind him and gotten him.”
Princess Celestia’s Student backed up, “When the lights went out, I got scared, so I dropped the guitar and grabbed the person next to me.”
“You were probably the one that I thought was taking the gun.” Mustard said, “Around the waist?”
“The candlestick?”
“Ah was over by the window.” Scarlet pointed to the disturbed curtains.
“I was by Violet.” Navy said, matter-of-factly. “I couldn’t have gotten three feet with the pipe.”
“And it’s still straight.” Chestnut pointed out. “If it was her, it would have been bent.”
“The Vorpal Blade!” Navy said, glaring right at Grey.
“It wasn’t me.” She said, holding her hooves up “See? I lost it.”
“Then it was YOU!” Navy pointed to Lord Chestnut, who shook his head.
“Just because I am the one without a card, doesn’t mean that I gave the rest out.” He sighed, “Besides, I was sitting on the couch, remember?”
A slight pause.
“Okay, so it wasn’t any of us, right?” Smiles said. Six eyes immediately sot towards him accusingly.
“Let me guess.” Smiles looked at each of them in the eye, “Since I am the butler I automatically killed him right? Well, I assure you, I am nothing but the humble butler.”
Mustard looked at the albino, “And this is your place, being the butler?”
Smiles nodded, “Yes ma’am.”
Violet stood beside the navy mare, “And what is it you do?”
“I buttle, ma’am.”
“Which means what?”
“The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything tidy.” He stated.
They looked at him, trying to see if this was a code for something.
“Maybe he was poisoned.” Chestnut picked a mug up, “Like the cider.”
Grey started screaming loudly. She drank an entire mug. Plus half of Chestnut’s when he wasn’t looking.
“Missus Grey, please.”Navy Model put a comforting hoof around the Pegasus, sitting her gently on the ottoman “Missus Grey, it's alright. It's alright. We don't know anything. Sit-sit down, sit down, Missus-“
Seeing this was of no use, she brought the back of her hoof against her cheek.
“What?” feeling the five pairs of eyes boring holes in her, “Well, I had to stop her from screaming!
“Smalls.” Scarlet Worker looked at the butler, “Am ah right in thinkin’ there ain’t nopony else in this house?”
“Um... no.” Smiles shook his head
“Then there is somepony else in this house?”
“Sorry, I said ‘no’ meaning ‘yes’.” He smiled again
“’No’ meaning ‘yes?’” Lord Chestnut shook his head, “Look, we all want a straight answer, is there somepony else, or isn't there, yes, or no?”
“No.” Smiles let the two letters fall from his mouth.
“No there is, or no there ain't?” Back to Scarlet.
“Yes.” Smiles was starting to get confused.
“PLEASE!” Violet threw a spare mug of cider into the fireplace, where it erupted with a small BOOM.
“Well.” Smiles said, glaring at the two stallions, “There is--”
“The Cook!” all six suspects ran out the door, through the Living Room, into the kitchen, all sliding to a halt.
Lord Chestnut extricated himself from the pile of ponies. “Where is she?”
“I don’t understand.” Smiles gasped, pulling himself from under Scarlet. “She was in here half an hour ago.”
Confusion seeped into the room like gas as the rest of the ponies stood from the heap.
“Whazzat door doin’ open?” Scarlet nodded towards the fridge.
Smiles trotted up to it, magicking the door open.
All seven present screamed, Grey Cloud emitting the loudest.
There, hanging by her ankles was the Cook.
Her cyan coat was bloodied in places, the flesh from her face missing. Her wings were ripped from her body, hanging only by a small sinew. Her chest was ripped open, and her organs were crammed in a bucket positioned below her head.
Every mare present dashed to the sinks, where they deposited their dinners.
“Well.” Smiles said, his own white fur taking on a shade of green. “Let’s take her to the Living Room.”
“Why?” Chestnut slowly untied her ankles, which, after a second, he realized they were her own intestines.
“I’m the butler.” He said, “I like to keep the kitchen tidy.”
Scarlet and Chestnut gently lowered Rainbow Dash from the hook, slinging her hooves over their stout necks. Violet and Navy took her back legs in their auras.
They carried her out the kitchen, leaving Grey and Mustard to clean the drops of blood that trickled from the chest cavity.
When the three stallions opened the door back up to the Living room, the scene shocked them so much that Rainbow Dash’s head fell to the ground with a small thump.
“What are you all staring at?” Violet asked, struggling with Dashie’s leg
Scarlet regained his lower jaw “Nothin’.”
“Well who's there?” Navy tried to look over their shoulders, cursing her vertical challenge.
“Nobody.” Chestnut said.
“What do you mean?” Both mares tried to stand on their back hooves, but ended up toppling over with a series of squeals.
“Nobody.” Smiles looked at the six guests, “No body, that's what we mean. FoxTrot’s body, it's gone.”
“Maybe he wasn't dead.” Mustard tried to say smartly.
“He was!” Chestnut glared at the Wonderbolt “He had no pulse!”
“We should've made sure.” Mustard looked at the empty portion of the floor
“And how do you propose we did that?” Chestnut’s voice went soprano.
“By cutting his head off, I suppose?” Smiles adjusted his goggles slightly after his comment.
Navy Model shook the pain from her hoof, “That was uncalled for!”
The yellow aura encompassed the cook, then a lavender one blended with it. The two Unicorns sat her on the couch, the ugly hole in her chest scaring all.
“Drape her over the arm, won’t you please?” Navy’s cheeks were glowing green.
“Okay.” Lord Chestnut said, “We can rule the cook out. Who else is--?”
There was more screaming, coming from the room across the hall.
“Caddy!” Smiles ran across the hall right into the library, where the pink Alicorn was trying to regain her composure.
“Are you okay?” he asked, stroking her hair with a hoof.
She points to a screen, showing a group of ponies huddled around a still figure.
“There are more people here!” Navy shouted, shoving a hoof in Smiles’ face. “Admit it!”
“No.” Cadance took a deep breath, “I had to step out for a moment. When I came back, I rewound to see what I missed and saw the events that transpired.”
“Wait.” Lord Chestnut trotted forward. “Can we see what went on in the kitchen?”
Smiles frowned, “We only had the camera in the living room to have proof that he was blackmailing you. There isn’t anything anywhere else of the sort.”
Chestnut stamped his hoof, cursing in an alien language.
“Is there is little mare’s room?” Violet asked, turning to Cadance, who pointed to the small door by the kitchen.
They stood in awkward silence, then, “So, FoxTrot was killed, and then vanished.” Lord Chestnut made an imaginary tick in the air, “And Rainbow Dash, the cook, was found in the fridge, trussed up and cleaned like a deer.”
They all looked at him in confusion.
“I’m gathering my thoughts.” He said defensively, “Okay, and kind of explaining to Caddy here.”
“Not that.” Smiles said, “’Trussed up and cleaned like a dear?’”
Chestnut nodded, “Yeah. Back where I’m from, people liked to hunt--”
Violet screams cut the stallion’s explanation short and possibly from everypony’s mind, because the next thing they know, they’re calming a frightened mare down, and, once again, looking at the black stallion in a crumpled heap.
“I opened the door.” Violet shuddered, “And he fell on top of me.”
Navy nodded sarcastically, “Yeah, I’m sure he did.”
Chestnut tapped his hoof against her mane, “Think, Navy, Violet asked to use the bathroom. She had no weapon on her, right? Then how did she kill Foxtrot. Again, I might add.”
“The better question is,” Smiles snapped, “How did FoxTrot get from the living room to the bathroom, and killed AGAIN?”
“Well,” Chestnut said, pulling his ear away from the stallion’s chest. “If he wasn’t dead before, he is now.” He placed a hoof over FoxTrot’s mismatched eyes, closing them out of respect.
“That's what we're trying to find out!” Smiles started shouting “We're trying to find out WHO killed him, and WHERE, and with WHAT!”
“Hey!” Cadance glared at the butler, “There's no need to shout!”
“I am NOT shouting!” He yelled, raising his voice so much, it started to crack.
“Then what do you call that?” Mustard glared back at him, “Hardly anything?”
“All right!” He shouted himself into resignation, “I am! I'm shouting, I'm shouting, I'm shout—“
His yelling had caused a silver flash from above his head to form, and the next thing they knew, Smiles was laying in a heap next to the black stallion.
“Three deaths.” Grey Song muttered.
“No, he’s just out cold.” Chestnut slung the stallion over his back. “Can you get FoxTrot, Your Highness?”
Cadance nodded, using the same motion Chestnut did to sling the black corpse onto her skinny, but strong shoulders.
The group trotted back to the Living room, where they grabbed a bag of ice from the serving tray.
Chestnut sat down next to the corpse of Rainbow Dash after slinging Foxtrot in his recliner, “Now we need to figure out who killed FoxTrot AGAIN, as well as who killed Rainbow Dash.”
“There is more help, isn’t there?” Grey Cloud shook the unconscious butler. “Mister Smiles?”
“Here” Violet trotted up to the white pony, “Enervate.” She muttered, guiding the small spark to Smile’s chest.
He woke with a start, falling off the Ottoman right onto the floor.
“By the gates of Tartarus.” He cursed, “Where did you learn that?”
The Unicorn shrugged, “My mentor, I suppose.”
Smiles took the bag of ice from Grey Could with a word of thanks, placing it on the back of his head.
“I think we need to take more thangs into consideration.” Scarlet looked at the butler again, “How did the candle stick get from here to the bathroom.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Navy shot a look at Violet, “She took the candlestick from here, dragged FoxTrot to the bathroom, and then finished the job.”
“Okay, Navy, you’re just giving us a load of apples.” Mustard said, her red eyes catching a theoretical fire, “One, I saw the Candlestick still on the table where Scarlet set it down after you accused him of killing FoxTrot the first time. Then, when we were in the kitchen, she helped carry Rainbow Dash into here, where the candlestick had gone missing, as well as FoxTrot’s body.
“When Cadence started screaming, she ran across, because, if I am correct, she is your sister-in-law?”
Violet nodded, “Yes, she married my brother, Shining Armor, who is the Captain of the Royal Guard.”
All eyes were widened at the news. She just told them that she is The Princess of the Sun’s private tutor, but MARRIED into royalty?
Lord Chestnut looked towards Smiles, “Are there are more hooves around this place?”
“Gilda.” Navy said hopefully, “The waitress? She may have something to tell us.”
“I haven’t seen her since dinner.” Smiles said, “She usually flies around during a rainstorm. She couldn’t have been here to kill FoxTrot or Rainbow Dash. Besides, even though she is a griffon, killing is much too vulgar for her.”
Navy’s turn to stomp her hoof. “Like her social life, I’m sure.” She growled.
“Is there anypony else?” Lord Chestnut took no notice, “We have fifty-five minutes until the Royal Guards come.”
Scarlet shuddered, “There’s that pink thing ah ran into.”
Smiles looked at him, “That ‘pink thing’ as you may have referred her to, is no other than Pinks, a homicidal, and physiologically deranged young girl. As well as my sister. She wouldn’t dare kill anything larger than a housefly for fear of angering FoxTrot. You have my word that she didn’t pull any murders tonight.”
“And ah thank we should make some sorta precaution so’s nopony else gets a hoof on the rest of the weapons.” Scarlet looked around, “lahk a safe or somethin’”
“Good idea.” Smiles tossed the ice pack onto the couch, “I have just the thing.” He pulled his ring of keys from his pocket, selected one, and then popped it off. “Open that cabinet, won’t you Grey?”
The grey Pegasus nodded, opening the doors of a deep-set cabinet.
“The guitar.” Smiles’ glow engulfed the weapon sitting against the Ottoman, “The Candlestick,” from the hooves under FoxTrot, “Pipe,” Zipped from under the couch, “Vorpal Blade,” from the side of Rainbow Dash, “The Pistol,” flew from the coffee table, where it had been discarded, “And the Curtain Tug.” The silvery-purple rope settled neatly on the pile of weapons, all surrounded by the glow.
Smiles slammed the door shut, turned the key in the lock, and his glow vanished.
“Okay, I have the only set of keys to the entire mansion.” He said, holding the key in his teeth, “Especially to the one to this cabinet.”
“And how’re we gonna know you won’t take them back?” Chestnut glared at Smiles, who merely chuckled.
“Simple. Follow me.” He galloped out the Living Room, right to the front doors. He swung the door open, brought the key back, and—
“Ah! Wait!” The Griffon jumped back, “Smiles, it’s me!”
Smiles gave an apologetic smile, “Do forgive me, Gilda, we were just playing a game.”
“That involved killing the lady of the house?” she asked, her scared face unmoving.
“No!” Grey Could said, “No, we don’t want to kill you, we didn’t even want--”
Five sets of hooves clamped themselves around the mouth of the wall-eyed Pegasus.
Gilda cocked an eyebrow, “Yeah, whatever. Look, just let me in before the rain kills me.”
Smiles nodded, “Your warm bath awaits you in the Recreation Room.”
The Griffon snorted, “Thanks Smiles.” She shook most the water from her feathers, walking towards the correct door.
“Now that that’s done.” Smiles pulled the key back out his pocket, brought it back again, and then threw it as far as his magic allowed him.
“Allow me.” Navy picked the key up, but when she threw it, it clicked to the ground a good two feet from her.
“Showoff.” Violet muttered, “Let me show you how it’s done.”
Her attempt made the other six swear they saw the key fly far into the atmosphere, leaving behind a small flash of light.
“Now, we were saying?” The mare trotted back past the front doors, lightly tapping Chestnut’s and Smiles’ jaws back into their skulls.
“Ahem.” The Butler turned around, “Shall we try to figure this out now? To the kitchen, I have a plan.”
The eight ponies trotted back to the kitchen.
“Okay,” Smiles pulled a mess of matches from the cup beside the stove, “So, here’s how it will work.” He placed seven matches on the table, sorting them into four piles of two. Pulling a butter knife from a drawer, he cut them in three varying lengths.
“Here, I’m going to hold these so nopony can see the length.” He looked around, “Where’s Lord Chestnut?”
“Right here!” Chestnut skidded to a halt beside Scarlet, “I was just checking the living room.”
“Everything alright?” Grey Cloud asked, concern flashing across her face.
“Yeah,” Chestnut said, “Two dead ponies. Everything’s fine.”
Smiles held the matches in a cup, “Now, everypony take a match.”
Each pony pulled a match from the cup, comparing them to the length of their neighbor’s.
“Okay, Grey and Mustard, you take the upstairs; the bedroom and the bathroom.”
“Violet and Chestnut, Caddy and I will help you with the downstairs; the basement and the Cellar. You two,” He pointed a hoof at Scarlet and Navy, “You two start in the library. If anypony needs help, holler. Don’t scream.”
Each pony nodded their destination in their mindset.
Grey and Mustard slowly opened the door.
“Ladies first?” Mustard gave a look to Grey, who nodded. The grey Pegasus took an attentive step forward, fumbling for the light switch.
The two looked at the dimly lit room. There was a king size bed in the center, a mess of bookshelves on the right wall, posters decorating the left, and just below the bed was a massive chest.
“Think there’s something in there?” Mustard nodded to the chest, “Let’s see if we can open it.”
The two Pegasi trotted to the chest, taking a good long look at the intricacies of it.
It was pure black, like FoxTrot’s coat. It was held together with pearl black metal that seemed to glow in the dark room. The lock was the most breathtaking part, being a heart made from bones.
“Get a cloud.” Mustard said, “Preferably one of the thunder clouds.”
Grey Cloud opened the window, flew out, and then soared back in with a cloud that vanished in the darkened room.
“Okay, bring it here.” Mustard positioned it just right, so that the next burst of lightning would hit the lock. “And when I give the order, release the bolt.”
Grey nodded, “Got it Missus Mustard!” She jumped onto the cloud, looking at Mustard.
“Okay, wait a moment.” Mustard was staring intently at the cloud, waiting for the surefire charge.
“Now.” There was a mighty crash of thunder, but being Pegasi, the two were unharmed and—
“Heeeeyyy.” Grey Cloud suddenly said, “We’re both ladies!”
“Oh, never mind.” Mustard flipped the smoking lid up, “We’re both in here, and we’re both safe.”
Suddenly, something flew from the chest, striking Mustard in the windpipe. The chest seemed to growl, and then slammed shut.
“Mustard!” Grey darted to the Pegasus trying to take a breath, “Anything I can do to help?”
Mustard took a deep breath, “Thank you, Grey,” she gasped, “I’m fine now.”
The two looked back at the chest, turned around, flicked the light off, and made a note not to go back in there, even if it kills them.
Scarlet and Navy vanished into the giant oak door, finding them surrounded by hundreds, if not thousands, of books.
“Ever seen so many?” Navy stared in awe. The ceiling even seemed to hold books.
“Eenope.” Scarlet, unable to read, didn’t find anything too exciting with the many colored cloth-bound rectangles.
“I mean, look at it! Alphabetical, but also in the order of the rainbow!”
Sure enough, there were the red bound books, all the way to violet. And back again, even, what with the library being circular and all.
The two turned suddenly. The door swung shut behind them.
“Great.” Navy sighed, “How do we get out now?”
Scarlet shrugged, which caused Navy to look at his green eyes.
“Why so mute all of the sudden, big guy?”
The stallion shook his head, too shy of this mare.
Suddenly, there was the loudest crash of thunder the two ponies had ever heard. It was as if it came from the house itself.
“Get off me you lummox!” Navy disgustedly threw the stallion from her hooves, “What’s the matter with you, you big baby? It’s just a crash of thunder!”
The stallion nodded, “Ah beg yer pardon, Miss Model.”
She shook her mane, “Look the door’s open.” She magicked the crack wider, revealing a dimly lit hallway.
“The lightning must have taken out the power.” Navy poked her head out the doorway, “Here, I’ll go first.”
Scarlet held her back, taking the lead. Just because he won’t talk to this mare, doesn’t mean he’ll leave her in the hooves of a killer.
The group of four trotted into the cellar, the three Unicorns illuminating the way.
“I take pride in building this myself.” Smiles explained, “Each slab of granite was hoof-carved and transported here using the best magic Unicorn kind could harvest. They simply stand, because the charms and protections placed on them are more than sufficient to keep them in place.”
Lord Chestnut blinked, “Rather dark without light, isn’t it?”
Smiles shrugged, “then why don’t we hit a switch?”
The three other ponies’ eyes screamed in protest at the sudden bright light.
“Smiles!”
“Sorry.”
BOOM.
The four ponies jumped, “What was that?”
“Sounded like thunder.” Chestnut muttered, “Too loud to be a pistol shot.”
“I locked them up, remember?” Smiles whined, “Besides, Miss Violet here sent the key beyond the cumulonimbus layer.”
“Boys.” Cadance’s horn started to glow, “Come on, we’re not going to find out who killed FoxTrot or Rainbow Dash if we’re fighting all the time.”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!”
“That sounded like Navy Model.” Violet’s horn flashed, taking the other three straight into the hall.
Mustard and Grey skidded to a halt next to the three unicorns, “What’s going on?”
No response, except more screaming.
“Look out!” all turned to see Lord Chestnut pawing at the ground.
“Wait!” Smiles held his hoof out, but Chestnut raced forward, nearly knocking himself cold against the door.
“These doors are solid Snake wood.” Smiles said, “There is no knocking them open.”
His face fell, “The key is gone!”
“Never mind about the key!” Grey Cloud smacked him upside the head, “Unlock the door!”
Smiles shook the Pegasus “I CAN'T UNLOCK THE DOOR WITHOUT THE KEY!” He turned back to the door, rattling the handle “LET US IN! LET US IN YOU DOLTS!”
“LET US OUT! LET US OUT!” Scarlet and Navy started rattling their side of the door.
“Move!” Cadance held the pistol in her teal aura, “MOVE!” Without hesitating, she aimed, pulling the trigger twice.
“Agh!” Scarlet yelped, “Yeh shot me ya crazy--”
“How are you two faring?” Smiles gently swung the door open, giving a reassuring smile to the two ponies.
In response, they pointed to a figure leaning backwards in the pool.
“It’s just Miss Gilda.” Smiles cocked his head, “What’s the problem with--”
Realization hit him like a brick so hard, he fought for breath. “Miss Gilda? Dead?”
The two nodded, leading the massive group to the corpse.
Her head had been bashed in, and there were green flecks of wood embedded in her face. Her beak had broken, both eyes were swollen shut, and blood trickled from her mouth into the water. The guitar was thrown under one of the benches.
“I think I will be sick.” Smiles shook his head, “How did they get to her. I locked…”
“You locked the cabinet.” Navy looked at Princess Cadance, “And somehow, somepony unlocked it.”
“It wasn’t me; the door was unlocked when I grabbed the pistol!” She held her hooves up, “Besides, I was with Smiles and Violet!”
“And me.” Chestnut agreed, gently taking the weapon from the Princess of Love. “She couldn’t have killed Gilda.”
“I didn’t say she did.” Navy looked around, “I just said somepony must have unlocked it.”
“You don’t say?” Violet gave Navy a sarcastic smile, tilting her head back a bit.
“And how did they get in? The door was locked.” Chestnut gave Navy a searching look.
“The panel over there.” She backed away from the stallion’s glare, “It leads to the library.”
BANG!
“Chestnut!” Mustard yelled at the Time Lord, “You could have killed me!”
“I beg your pardon miss.” Chestnut stammered, backing away from the crazed mare.
“You could have killed me! What are YOU the murderer now?”
“No, Missus Mustard, it was an accident. I promise!”
“Oh, yeah, an accident that you would have KILLED ME!”
CRASH!
“GET OFF ME!” Mustard threw the butler form her side, knocking him into the chandelier.
“Somepony had to save you.” Smiles shot daggers at Mustard, “Sorry I saved you life.”
The doorbell rang again. All froze.