//------------------------------//
// The Alicorn that Time Ignored 
// Story: The Alicorn that Time Forgot 
// by JamBurglar 
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They say time heals all wounds.  They also say time rots everything.  The people who made up the quotes regarding time were probably just glad they didn't have to live for thousands of years to witness all of time's beautiful and terrible capabilities.  Is it not the inherently-limited nature of these mortal coils that makes existence all the more precious?  While it's true nopony must live forever, that hasn't stopped a handful from being forced to come dangerously close to doing just that.  Today marks the one hundredth anniversary of Twilight Sparkle’s indoctrination into the exclusive club of ponies who cheat death against their wills.
“Twilight,” Spike said as he entered the royal throne room, “everypony's outside, and they w- OH MY GOSH"  Twilight was laying on top of the now-useless Cutie Map, drunker than a skunk (which are apparently known for their rampant alcohol consumption).  "Sweet Celestia, Twilight.  I miss our friends as much as you do, but debasing yourself is no way to honor their memory!"
"That's easy fer you ta say, Spike..."  Twilight knocked several empty bottles of booze off the map.  "ALL dragons live fer-fuckin'-ever!  Yer girlfriends Ember and Smolder are still alive.  Yer ex-boyfriend Garble's still alive 'n kickin'!"  She belched loudly.
"Okay, that was just uncalled for."  Spike leaned against the doorframe and pinched the bridge of his snout between his forefinger and thumb.  "Look, I know coping has been rough for you.  It's been rough on me too.  Not a moment goes by where I don't miss all our friends."  Twilight rolled over and sneered at him.  "But the ponies outside want you to give a speech for the anniversary of your coronation.  Although in this state, I'm not really sure you should."
"FINE!  'f those assholes want a speech, I'll give them the realest speech they've ever heard..."  Twilight teleported a bucket of water which she dumped over her own head to sober up a little.  She then conveniently stored the empty bucket on Spike's head, and went out on the veranda.
"Ponies of Ponyville, I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, of Friendship.  Wait, that makes it sound like I'm the princess of a kingdom called "Friendship."  Anyway you all know who I am, you know today's the 100th anniversary of my coronation.  So what better way to celebrate than to have a little chit chat about DEATH."  The ponies exchanged concerned glances with one another but applauded their hooves regardless.
"Friends.  HA!  I used to have those things.  Well guess what everypony, they're all dead now!"  Spike facepalmed.
"Oh brother, here we go again..."
"If you remember anything in this life fillies and gentlecolts, remember the words Memento Mori.  Death will take us all one day, from the littlest foal to the oldest mare.  Oh, but death is fickle about who goes, and when, and how.  For all we know everypony could die tomorrow to some new magical threat, or a disease, or some equally-terrible third thing!"  Suddenly, Twilight put a hoof to her mouth and looked around frantically.  Luckily, Spike had brought his iconic bucket out on the veranda with him.  She grabbed it and vomited violently into it, making sure to duck out of view of the crowd.  The crowd, who could very much still hear Twilight, shared looks of disgust with one another.  Twilight popped back up over the edge and wiped her mouth with her foreleg.
"I guess the point I'm trying to make here everypony, is that you should enjoy the time you have with your loved ones while you can, because nopony knows how long they have left.  Happy 100th anniversary to me.  Alright, goodbye."  Twilight hurriedly went back inside the castle with Spike following close behind.  The ponies sat for a bit in disbelief before getting up and going about their business.  Most of them felt at least twenty-percent more bummed out than when they'd arrived.  Back in the map room, Twilight began searching for more of her booze while Spike threw his now-sullied bucket into the fireplace.
"Well I guess the message of the speech was good advice in general.  Although you could've used a lot more tact and considerably less vomiting."  Twilight found an unopened bottle of wine and greedily snatched it up in her magic.
"Spike, I think I'm going to take my bottle of hooch for a walk.  Don't wait up for me."  She trotted over and planted a kiss on his forehead, used her magic to open a window, then flew out of the castle.  Spike stared at the open window, dumbfounded.
"Sheesh, and I thought my coping methods were unsavory," he said, holding up a jar containing a Rarity figurine.





It could be said that flying and using magic at once was a bit like patting one's head and rubbing one's belly at the same time.  Of course, only a handful of ponies in the history of Equestria had ever needed to worry about it.  Twilight had gotten enough practice in her years to be fairly proficient at it.  She soared over Ponyville with her security wine and took another greedy drink.
"Hey Rainbow, you want a swi-" the empty sky beside her said nothing.  "Oh.  Right."  Twilight flew a bit higher, but all the speed and altitude in the world wouldn't help her outrun her own intrusive thoughts.  So she looked down absentmindedly.  
There was Sugarcube Corner, the outside as loud and gauche as it had always been.  Pound and Pumpkin Cake's children (not with each other, mind you) were now in charge of the bakery.  It seemed working with sweets ran in the family, though surprisingly obesity didn't.  Twilight sighed and sipped her booze.  She would've accepted the worst, most disgusting sin against baking Pinkie could think of and eaten it happily, if it meant getting to see her friend again. 
Passing over Sweet Apple Acres, Twilight noted no distinct differences to the farm, except for of course the Apple relative that owned it.  She suspected it was Big Mac and Sugar Belle's grandchild, as AJ and Rainbow hadn't ever adopted.  Applebloom had long ago moved to Hayseed Swamp to study alchemy and hoodoo, and her children scarcely visited.  Everypony's lives had grown and changed as generations passed, and yet here still Twilight remained.  She was the only constant in the equation of life.  And all the liquor in the world couldn't wash away the feeling of stagnation that lingered over her.  Twilight bristled at the thought, but then the thought of Applejack having literally bought the farm brought a tiny smile to her face.  She kept flying onward.
Carousel Boutique didn't sell clothing anymore, but as the premier location of Carousel Corporation it was kept open as a museum due to its status as a "site of historical significance."  After making it big in the fashion industry, Rarity sold her clothing empire and became a globe-trotting philanthropist.  Twilight had always assumed if any of her friends were to quit their jobs and become explorers it would've been Rainbow Dash.  Rarity never had any children, Twilight didn't blame her.  For all of Rarity's fairy tale romanticism, she never struck Twilight as the type to actually settle down.
Another sip of wine saw Twilight headed towards the Sweet Feather Sanctuary, which had since been transformed into a chaotic hellscape by Discord after it was left to him in Fluttershy's will.  When Twilight asked about the ramifications of removing gravity and turning the animals' fur plaid, he said the sanctuary was his "safespace" and that those were his "coping mechanisms."  When she asked about him turning the ground to mashed potatoes and the rivers to gravy, he claimed the animals "loved it," and that it was a "funny reference."  Discord also saw fit to turn Angel Bunny's grave into his personal toilet.  The only admittedly tasteful thing he did was place a cast iron statue of Fluttershy in the exact center, complete with magical chaotic flowers that never wilted.  By the time Twilight reached the sky over the Everfree Forest, her wine bottle was sufficiently empty.
"Everything I love dies..."  Twilight said melodramatically as she tossed the empty bottle into the canopy and made to land as her vision began to blur.  She touched down outside the ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters right as her equilibrium started to betray her.  Ambling her way inside, she plopped herself down on the floor and looked up at the tapestries that had unfortunately decayed again, in spite of Rarity's handiwork.  The tattered visages of Celestia and Luna looked down at her with unfeeling eyes. 
"How do you two put up with it?  Watching everyone you love and care about die, I mean."  The patchwork princesses said nothing, unsurprisingly.  "Are your hearts so hard that you're just numb to the pain after all these years?"  Twilight's wanton drinking finally caught up with her, and her eyes started to close.  "Maybe I should take a page outta your guys' books..."



Twilight woke up groggily and terribly hungover at around midday the next day.  Wobbly knees battled with swimming head to allow her to stand.  She looked at the Princesses' tapestries again and felt embarrassed.
"Sorry you had to see that."  She made to begin flying home but only got a few feet off the ground, dry heaved into her hoof, and crashed face-first into the floor.  Additionally, her headache was much too egregious to even think about teleporting. "Guess I'm giving the ol' legs a workout."  And so Twilight began the long, boring walk home through the Everfree Forest.  Without any distractions, the familiar intrusive thoughts began to creep back in.  Whoever heard of a friendless Princess of Friendship?  I can't make friends with these ponies, the age gap is too big!  And why in Celestia's name are they called Grape Nuts?  Twilight made a mental note to ask Pinkie Pie about the last one, then mentally kicked herself and got sad again.  Twilight didn't know anypony who was as charmingly eclectic as Pinkie (aside from Cheese Sandwich, who was also dead).  Perhaps she would write a letter to their son Lil' Cheese, or as he was now known, Biggie Cheese.
Twilight eventually came upon Zecora's hut in a severely dilapidated state.  No one had purchased it after the reclusive medicine woman's death, and it had since been reclaimed by the forest.  Twilight got a sad look on her face, until she remembered how little she and Zecora actually spoke to one another and how Twilight would consider her an acquaintance at the very best.
"Eh..." Twilight shrugged her forelegs and continued walking.
Having been exposed to most conceivable horrors both natural and preternatural, the concept of weather not controlled by pegasi simply didn't seem that extraordinary to Twilight anymore.  Although she halfway expected that nopony except the youngest of foals was actually afraid of the Everfree Forest anymore, and hadn't been for a long time.  Twilight lamented that she was not traversing the forest in the nighttime, as the Everfree during the day was decidedly boring by comparison.   She morbidly thought that a stray cockatrice or a pack of timberwolves could send her to her friends in a jiffy, before wondering if she could locate that hydra again.  Twilight dispelled these thoughts when she realized that self-preservation would kick in at some point, and that there were much easier and altogether less painful ways to kill oneself.  Twilight continued walking.
It was evening before Twilight reached Fluttershy's cottage at the edge of town.  It was at once a familiar and an unfamiliar sight; Twilight wasn't used to the cottage having the giant legs of a hen, or it being alive in general for that matter.  And there just over the hill was Sweet Feather Sanctuary, in all its terrifying glory.  She found the culprit curled up under Fluttershy's statue, a glass of wine in his hand.  He perked up a bit when Twilight approached.
"Well, if it isn't one of my long-lived friends," Discord drank his glass and tossed the wine away.  It exploded somewhere across the river.  "You look like death warmed over."
"It's good to see you too Discord.  Mind if I sit for a bit?"  Discord scooted over and patted the mashed potatoes beside him.  Twilight politely but firmly declined, instead teleporting in a blanket she didn't particularly care about to sit on.  With a snap of Discord's fingers another glass of wine was in his hand.
"Can I interest you in a glass of Chevaux Blancs?  I stole it from Princess Luna."
"No, thank you.  I drank enough wine last night to bring down an ursa major."  Twilight stifled a burp with a hoof to her mouth.  "I'm still nursing my hangover."
"Some hair of the dog might help you feel better."  Suddenly Discord's wine glass was covered in brown fur.
"If I didn't want any before, I especially don't want any now."
"Suit yourself."  The fur disappeared from the glass and Discord sipped it until it more resembled a tumbler.  He put his (now thankfully mashed potato-free) paw around her.
"Hey, does it ever get any easier?"  Twilight asked as she leaned into Discord's noodly abdomen.
"What?"
"Watching folks you care about...pass away.  In your experience does it ever get any easier?"
"Funny you should ask, Twilight.  Most of my friends are ageless eldritch abominations.  Fluttershy was the first, oh shall we say "entropically-challenged" friend I ever made, and the rest of you followed suit."  Discord's paw subtly gripped Twilight just a little bit tighter.  "Believe me when I say I'm as new to this "saying goodbye" business as you are."  Twilight turned and wrapped her foreleg around Discord.
"I've been trying to take it one day at a time.  It's...difficult.  It's honestly the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.  More than any magic test, or social interaction, or even any deranged supervillain trying to take over Equestria."  Now it was Twilight's turn to give Discord a gentle squeeze.  "I've been appreciating the little victories, and smiling when I can.  I think it's what they'd want.  Especially Pinkie."  Discord chuckled and finished off his glass.
"I know something that might make you feel better."  Discord handed the solid wine to Twilight who grabbed it with her magic.  She looked at it for a moment before chucking it in the gravy pond like a live hand grenade.  The mischievous duo watched as the resulting blast blew gravy several meters in the air.
"You're right, that was pretty fun."  Twilight laughed and wiped a tear from her eye with a wingtip.  "Thanks Discord.  I can always count on you for some much-needed levity."  She stood up and gave Discord another hug, while teleporting the sullied blanket out of sight.
"Anytime, my dear."  They didn't visit each other often, but that only made the time they did spend together all the more meaningful.
"Well, I'd better be getting back to the castle now.  I ditched Spike a little over a day ago, and he's probably worried sick about me."
"Ah yes.  Tell Spikey-Wikey Discord says hello.  And could you please ask him if we're still on for O&O next Thursday?"
"Will do.  Take care of yourself old friend."  Twilight spread her wings and started heading for her castle on the other side of town.  Discord made certain she was well out of his line of sight before pulling out a glass jar with a Fluttershy figurine inside.
"Now then, where were we?"



Twilight got about halfway to the castle before remembering she no longer had a headache and could teleport freely.  This resulted in her appearing inside the castle's throne room and bellyflopping onto the Cutie Map (another problem only faced by Equestria's precious few alicorns).  Spike ran in upon hearing the commotion.
"Twilight, you've been gone for twenty-nine hours!  Where on earth did you go?"  Twilight awkwardly scrambled off the table and dusted herself off.
"Well Spike, I did some reminiscing in the skies above Ponyville then crashlanded in the Everfree Forest.  I spent the night in the Castle of the Two Sisters, and nursed a hangover all the way back to town.  Then I hung out with Discord for a bit.  Oh by the way, he wants to know if you're still doing O&O next Thursday."
"We are.  I'll be sure to send him an e-mail." (enchanted-mail for the uninitiated)  "Well, it sounds like you went on quite the adventure Twilight.  I'm just glad you're home safe and sound," and then under his breath "and that the cops didn't get you for flying under the influence."
"I'm glad to be home too, Spike.  I did a lot of thinking yesterday and today, and I'm feeling a little better about..." she motioned to the empty thrones with a hoof.  "...you know who."
"That's a relief."  Spike glanced down at his claws, then suddenly wrapped Twilight up in a big dragon-hug.  "I know I was kinda hard on you yesterday, and I'm sorry.  But you're like my big sister, or my mom or something.  I just don't wanna watch you drown your sorrows in booze all the time.  If you ever wanna talk about anything you can always count on me to listen, or be your shoulder to cry on."  Twilight returned the embrace.  "I miss all our friends just as much as you do, so we need to be strong for one another."  Spike loosened his grip on Twilight and looked her in the eye.  "I guess what I'm trying to say is, you've still got folks that care about you.  We both do."  
"I appreciate it Spike.  Speaking with Discord today made me glad to still have friends like him and you, who are just as long-lived as I am.  And I can only assume my alicorn physiology gives me enhanced immunity to alcohol poisoning.  If it's one of my superpowers Celestia certainly never told me."  The two shared a laugh at that.
"C'mon, I'll treat you to dinner.  I haven't eaten any actual food in two days."
"Now that's a good idea, Twi."
And so began the first significant period of respite for Princess Twilight Sparkle.  She was able to get by pretty well with her support group of fellow creatures forced to cheat death along side her.  But grief is a fickle mistress, as she would come to find out.  It has a nasty habit of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.  And so as Twilight would get caught up in the throes of mourning, time, the great mender, the great ruiner, kept marching on without her.