Author's Note: The idea for this chapter is based-on inspiration I got from Rhino's fic. Why am I saying this? Just giving credit where credit is due. Now, on with the story.
Right now it's morning. Great, now that means I have to get up and go to work. I hate mornings. Worst part is it's Monday. I hate mondays.
As I groggily sit up in my bed, I look at the floor to see Lyall sleeping soundly. That is, sleeping soundly until I get up. He scratches behind his ear a bit before yawning.
I get up and smile at him. "Yeah, I know, boy. I hate getting up early too." I pet his head, which then makes him roll onto his back and smile at me. I roll my eyes playfully. "Alright, I'll give you a belly rub." I then go to rub his belly as he happily kicks his leg.
He REALLY likes it when I do this. He's just lucky I'm nice. I'm still a bit upset after leading all the pets away and ruining the competition. We called the whole thing off after that happened.
After rubbbing him for Celestia knows how long, I'm finally able to get ready for work. I go into the hall and try to go in the bathroom, but I find the door locked.
I knock on it. "Just give me a minute!" I hear Ice shout.
"Oh, come on! How long have you been in there anyway?!" I shout.
The door opens to reveal Ice. "Ugh, fine. I guess I'm done."
"Finally." As I'm about to go in, Zephyr zips passed me and locks the door. "Come on!"
"Sorry, Blue. You snooze, you lose"
"I'm going to get you for this!"
"You'll have to catch me first!"
It's literally nearly an hour before he eventually finishes taking a shower and before I can go in. Why a stallion showers for that long, I have no idea. I really hope he didn't rub one off during that time.
At least Drax didn't also knock me out of the way. For some reason I'm not sure of, I spend an exceptionally long time preening my wings while I'm in there. It feels right yet dirty at the same time.
After that, I meet the guys down stairs and we head off to work as usual. But as we go, I still can't stop thinking about earlier. Why were Ice, Zeph, and I each taking so long in the bathroom today? And is it me, or do Drax's muscles look a bit smaller? Why am I looking Drax's muscles?! Gah, this is all weird!
These kind of thoughts go on all throughout work as we move clouds around to spots in Ponyville that need the shade. I can kinda see the same looks of confusion on their own faces.
After work is done, we punch out. But as we walk, I decide to stop and talk to Sunny. "Hey, Sunny."
"Oh, hey, Blue. What's up?" she says.
"You know, we've been working together for a long time, right?"
"If you consider about four months long, then yes, I guess."
"Well, I was thinking we really oughtta go hang out some time. Outside of work. What do you say?"
"Well, sure. How's about Friday?"
"Sounds great. See you then, girlfriend." I step outside as I finish that last part. We all stop as we realize what I just said.
"Um, Blue..?" Zeph says.
I grab my head with my hooves and shake it. "What is wrong with me?!"
"What's wrong with all of us?" Drax says. "We've all been acting a bit different these past few days. I feel like my muscles are going flat."
"And I spent an awful long time cleaning myself this morning."
"And I spent a long time preening my wings." I get a serious face. "This must be a cause of hanging around the girls for so long. Gentlemen, we must call in the other stallions."
"Right!" they both say.
I go get Dark, Drax gets Ice, and Zeph gets Rhino and Orion, since he is the fastest of all of us. The four gathered stallions stand confused as to why we gathered them up.
"Gentlemen... No, I can't even say that anymore." I say.
"What's this about, Blue?" Ice asks.
"We have lost our stallionliness! The mares have sucked us dry of it!"
"Quite literally in some cases." Zeph jokes.
"This is no time for jokes! We have all let hanging out with mares make us soft!"
"That's ridiculous." Ice says.
"Oh, really? What were you doing in the bathroom so long this morning?"
He starts rubbing the back of his head. "Brushing my mane and goatee."
"Exactly! We are all becoming less stallionly by the day at this rate!"
"Well, spending so much time with Fluttershy has made me start acting a bit too nice as of late." Rhino says. "I can't even speak up to someone cutting ahead of me anymore."
"Rarity has been making me model dresses to help her out." Orion says. "And it actually makes me feel *shiver* pretty."
"I have no shame." Dark says, crossing his front legs. We all look at him before he eventually cracks. "Alright, fine! Twilight's been making me read books on how to be more "intimate"."
"So, you two finally did it and you rushed right through it?" I tease.
His face turns red. "Yes, we did it! Shut up!"
I snicker before composing my self. "Anyway, you all see my point?" they nod. "Then to fix this we must all have a stallions' only day! Partying it up like REAL bros!"
"Buck yeah!" we all shout as we do a group high-hoof.
"And I've already got me some ideas." I say, rubbing my hooves together.
"We have a contest to see who's biggest down south?" Dark asks.
"NO!"
Over back at my house
We have a table set up in the center for a hoof wrestling contest. Drax is referee and not playing because he'd obviously win. Besides, this makes it easier to keep track of with only six of us playing.
First round is myself versus Orion. We each start pushing, which is about even for a while, but due to Orion's lack of physical work and training like me, I end up putting his hoof down.
Next up is Ice versus Zephyr. While Zephyr may be a good flier, his legs are a bit skinny and not all that strong. And due to Ice being an earth pony who is naturally born with a bit of extra strength, Ice is able to beat Zeph.
Third round is Dark versus Rhino. Despite his name and size, Rhino isn't all that strong physically. Somehow, Dark is able to beat him without even cheating by using his powers.
With three of us left, we do a coin toss to see who Ice faces, and it ends up being me. While Ice is an earth pony, I am both bigger and older than him, and I'm the one who trained him in the first place after all. So with all of that, I'm able to win.
Now comes the big one: me versus Dark. We both stare at each other before starting. As it begins, we start pushing as hard as possible, neither of us wanting to lose. It doesn't help me that I had to do one more round than Dark. With that, Dark beats me and is made winner.
He gets up in a celebratory fashion. "Yes! I win! In all of your faces!"
I look over at Drax with a bored look. "Drax."
"Yeah, I'm on it." he says. He grabs Dark by a leg and twists, forcing the boastful pegasus to the floor.
"Okay! Uncle! Uncle!" he calls out.
The rest of us laugh as Dark rubs his sore leg.
"Well, that was fun. Time for my next idea."
This time we set the table up with a bunch of pancakes we had made in the course of an hour. We each take a seat infront of a plate, prepared to begin.
"Remind me, how is this stallionly?" Rhino asks.
"Simple. A true stallion can eat a buck ton of food." I explain.
"Oh, okay."
"Last stallion standing is the winner! GO!"
We all start eating rapidly, not even using any untensils or toppings on our food, just pure pancake in every fight. Zephyr is the first to go, as being a flier, he's never had that big of an appetite. Ice is next, being the smallest of us being against him in this. Orion is the next to fall, no explanation on him. After him is surprisingly Rhino. Being so big, I kinda expected more. Now it's just down to Dark, Drax, and myself. Dark looks ready to keel over, but his stubborn nature won't let him.
An idea pops in my head. "Hey, Dark!" I call. He looks over as I open my mouth full of food at him. He covers his mouth as he runs off to the bathroom. Too easy.
Now it's just me and Drax. We both eat like crazy. Being nearly the height of an alicorn and the mass of a professional fighter, Drax is really able to put away his food. But despite that, he falls onto the floor just before I do. I knew all that time eating chimicherrychongas would pay off.
"Okay, I've got one last idea." I say. They all groan. "Okay, rest first." my stomach gurgles in pain. "And maybe a trip to the bathroom too."
After resting off all of that food for a little bit, we head out to Club P0n3.
"Why are we going to the club again, Blue?" Ice asks.
"Because you're gonna convince Vinyl to let us do a big show on stage."
"Okay, but what song?" I lean in to whisper to him. He starts getting excited as I tell him. "Oh, buck yeah."
We continue to walk before getting to the club and heading inside. We head backstage to find Vinyl. "Oh, hey, guys." she says.
"Hey, babe." Ice says. "You think you could let us do a show for ya?"
She shrugs. "Sure, why not? Just go up when you're ready."
Well, that sure was easy.
We all go up on stage as I grab a mic. "Hey there, Club Pon3! You ready to rock?!" the crowd mutters a bit. "I said, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!" this time they cheer very loud. "THEN LET'S HIT IT!"
(Hollywood Undea - No. 5 WARNING! This is another vulgar song, so just be aware of that. As for who's playing what role: Blue Breeze = Johnny 3 Tears, Ice = Deuce, Dark Lightning = Charlie Scene, Rhino = Funny Man, Drax = Da Kurlzz, and Zephyr and Orion will be singing back up.)
Ice:
Ponyville we're never going down
Ponyville we're never going down
Ponyville we're never going down
And all the kids in the hood come and wave and shake your hooves,
Ponyville we're never going down.
When you're drunk shake that flank like you know how to groove,
Ponyville we're never going down.
Dark:
Start getting loud I want to party now, if you hit an Undead that's a party foul.
I only drink Mickey's I can't afford the grooves I drink so much they call me Darky forty hooves.
If they keg is tapped and you're getting capped, take your girl to the sack and I'll take a nap.
Ladies drink them fast so I can have a break
You got your beer gog's on and I'm getting flank
Rhino:
"Like oh my gosh! Is that Dark Lightning?"
Dark:
Ladies show me your treats and make a scene
You got a fake I.D. and you're seventeen
Rhino:
I'm a complete catastrophe buzzing around you like a bumble bee.
Dark:
So let's take some shots, do a beer run and flip off a cop.
Girls give me props and there in my hood.
Paris Hilton said that's hot when she saw my wood
Ice:
And all the kids in the hood come and wave and shake your hooves,
Ponyville we're never going down.
When you're drunk shake that flank like you know how to groove,
Ponyville we're never going down.
Blue:
I'm about to serve it up for all you party goers.
Scene Kids, Meat Heads, Alchies, Stoners.
Dancing around like a bunch of faggots, funnier then buck you can ask Bob Sagget.
I never claimed that I knew how to dance, but I'll get drunk, get high, and pull down my pants
So buck five bucks just fill up my cup, don't kiss me mare you just threw up.
Now I'm drunk as buck about to pass out,
Rhino:
Destination you're mother's couch.
Dude is it true that you screwed my mom?
Blue:
Buck yeah bro, that pussy was bomb.
So I'm humping, jumping, sipping and skipping.
It's nights like these that we all love living.
So take out your hands and throw the P.U. up
Now wave it around like you don't give a buck!
Ice:
And all the kids in the hood come and wave and shake your hands,
Ponyville we're never going down.
When you're drunk shake that flank like you know how to groove,
Ponyville we're never going down.
Rhino and Drax:
Can't stop, Won't stop, Darky make the booty drop
Can't stop, Won't stop, Blue Breeze make the booty drop
Can't stop, Won't stop, Zeph make the booty drop
Can't stop, Won't stop, Ice make the booty drop
Can't stop, Won't stop, Drax make the booty drop
Can't stop, Won't stop, Rhino make the booty drop
Can't stop, Won't stop, let me see those panties drop, Producer's on the dance floor.
Let me see your booty pop.
Drax:
Grab your drink. Get on the floor!
Grab your drink and get on the floor!
Ice:
Let's dance and go chill, shake that flank Ponyville
Ponyville we're never going down.
Let's dance and go chill, shake that flank Ponyville
Ponyville we're never going down.
The crowd goes wild for us as we finish up. As I stare out into the crowd, I feel accomplishment for a day well spent and feeling like a stallion again.
Now this is how to act like a real bro.