The Human Condition

by Gilded Tome


Intuitive: 17

Andrew and Luna made their way through the forest, the clearing turned classroom slowly getting obscured by trees.

“So your horns still bothering you?” Andrew asked as he followed behind the princess.

“There is no pain, if that’s what you mean. But it does conflict with casting higher class spells.” She explained, once again turning her head to check her wings hadn’t re-appeared.

“And what class was that?”

“Transformation spells are all S class. I would not be able to perform it at all in my condition if I didn’t already know it so well.”

“Yeah, about that. Is Eve a new look or have you always used it?”

“I spent almost two years as Evening Primrose.” She answered quietly. “I’ll admit it felt… good to be her once again.”

The two were once again quiet as they walked through the woods, weaving around trees. Eventually they breached the line of trees that ran along the edge of their home’s back yard. Luna used her magic to fold the thick white sheet she had used to cover the teaching supplies she had brought from Canterlot.

“So… early lunch late breakfast?” Andrew asked Luna as they entered the house. “Any ideas?”

“I believe Autumn Song agreed to go shopping this afternoon. So until then I suppose we are stuck getting food from the town.” Luna explained as she entered the back door.

“Maybe a walk around town? See if anything catches our eyes?” He suggested.

“I supposed that shall work. It will be nice to explore the town when it isn’t covered with decorations.”

Luna walked around the dining room and through the kitchen with Andrew close behind.

“Decorations?” He asked curiously.

“Nightmare Night, a rather enjoyable holiday based around the legend of Nightmare Moon. Candy is given out to the children, who dress up in costume.” She explained. “It is quite entertaining.”

“Huh, sounds kinda like Halloween.”

“Is this a holiday from your home?” She asked as she opened the front door, let Andrew pass and shut the door behind him.

“Yeah. Sound like basically the same premise, ‘cept no Nightmare for inspiration.” He explained. “To be honest I’m not actually sure why we celebrate it. I think it started out religious and just got commercialized.”

Luna nodded her head in understanding as she walked beside the human. “Indeed we have a few holidays like that as well, twisted by commerce. Doubly so in the cities like Canterlot and Manehattan.”

Andrew returned his friends understanding nod as they turned the corner from their street onto a more main road. The two chatted and walked through the town, stopping a few places in their search for food. Andrew as usual noted quite a few stares. One pony in particular watched him go by, paying close attention as if debating something internally. Andrew brushed it off and walked on, only stopping when he felt a tap on his back. He turned to find the crème colored mare standing behind him.

“H-hello.” She greeted nervously around a paper bag. “I’m Sweetie Drops.”

“Uh… hello Sweetie Drops. It’s uh… Nice to meet you?” He responded, unsure.

“This is for you” she explained, passing the human the paper bag. “To apologize for all the rudeness you’ve had to go through.”

“Oh, wow.” He said, clearly very surprised. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“No, really it’s fine.” She urged with a friendly smile. “It’s the least I could do.”

“Well… thank you Sweetie Drops, this means a lot to me.” He assured her, opening the bag slightly to take a look at the candies inside. “These look amazing.”

“Thank you, I hope you enjoy them.” She looked over her shoulder at the shop she had been standing in front of. “I’d love to chat more with you Andrew, but unfortunately I have to finish opening up the store. Stop by any time, your more than welcome.”

“Thank you Sweetie Drops, I will.”

The crème coat mare walked back to her shop, Andrew and Luna standing in the street.

“Can’t say I expected that.” He admitted, reaching into the bag and pulling out one of the wrapped candies.

“Nor can I.” Luna agreed, grabbing the bag and the candy with her magic. “Wait until later, you’ll spoil your appetite.”

Luna started to walk once more, leaving Andrew to watch her go, shaking his head at the disguised Alicorn’s chastising. He smiled and followed behind her.

“You’re just saying that so you can eat them yourself.” He accused jokingly.

“And for that I might just.” She joked, laughing as she rolled the bag up with her magic. “Do not tempt me.”

Andrew laughed along as they walked. His encounter had left him in high spirits, a wide and genuine smile displayed on his face. The ponies that had witnessed Sweetie Drop’s attempt to make amends watched the human walk away with curiosity, many of them smiling. As the two turned onto yet another street their noses where greeted by the smell of freshly cooked breads.

“Hmmm… do you guys have bagels here?” Andrew asked, already heading to the bakery.

“Indeed we do.” Luna answered, following behind the human. “I do think a bagel would be quite satisfying right now.”

“Bagels it is!”

Andrew pushed the door of the bakery open, entering the humble yet well-kept shop. Inside the smell of baking bread was even stronger.

“Ah, I believe there are few smells more salivating then those freshly made bread.” Luna stated after taking a deep breath. “I suppose we should get in line.”

Andrew nodded and headed to the single line in the shop, which was curled around the glass display cabinets. Ponies hurried around behind them, carrying fresh bread from the ovens and taking orders from those in the line. A few ponies noticed Andrew from the corner of their eyes, but most at least tried not to stare.

“Maybe we should get some bread for later.” Luna suggested. “I doubt the bread that Autumn Song will find will hold a candle to this.”

“Wow, a bread fiend huh?” Andrew asked with a raised eyebrow. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“I assure you I am no fiend.” She insisted while looking into the loaf filled glass cases. “You should see my sister in a confectionary. Now there is a fiend.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

The lined moved relatively fast, despite the pauses the staff took to stealthily glance at the human that had gotten in line. By the time they were next in the queue the ponies behind them just about doubled the amount that had been there when they arrived.

“Looks like we got here just in time.” He said to Luna as they finally arrived at the counter.

“You sure did.” A dark pink pony answered from behind the counter. “We get busy right about now and don’t clear up for a quite a while.”

“Business is good?” Luna asked friendlily, still all but drooling over the displayed loaves and baked goods.

“Yup! Ever since we started making our famous Rosemary-Dill bread.” He explained. “Now, what can I get Ponyville’s newest member and his friend?”

“We were just going to get some bagels, but I think Eve here is going to get one of everything.”

“I am not quite that much of a glutton Andrew. I will settle for a loaf of that delicious sounding rosemary and dill bread, as well as a loaf of sourdough.”

“As well as the two bagels please. One rosemary and the other…” Andrew added, placing a gold coin on the counter before trailing off with a look towards Luna.

“Cinnamon raisin.” Luna finished.

“Coming right up!” The baker said happily. “Will you want cream cheese on that?”

“Plain please.” Both Luna and Andrew said at the same time, which got a short laugh from the worker.

The two waited quietly for their order to come, waiting among those who had ordered before them. Theirs came quickly, change was exchanged and the two friends left with their food, weaving through the line that now pushed out the door. Andrew passed Luna her food, which she deftly unwrapped with her magic, putting the wrapper in a trash bin. Andrew unfolded the wrapping half way, using it holder on the other half. They ate in amicable silence, leisurely walking about the town as they did.

“I don’t believe you ever explained how you figured it out.” Luna pointed out as they walked towards the town center.

“Figured out what, your new ‘hair style’?” He asked teasingly. “I don’t know, I kinda just knew. I could tell the second I saw you at the hospital. And let’s be honest, you’re not that great of an actor.”

“I suppose I’m not.” She admitted. “Then again I never had to be. This is certainly the first time I’ve been Eve in the presence of someone who I had already met.”

Luna said the last part at a whisper, looking around to check there was no one listening in. As she finished whispering she leaned in to steal a bite of Andrews’s bagel, which he allowed begrudgingly.

“Besides, ‘Evening Primrose’? Really? Might as well have called yourself Moon Moony.”

At his rib Luna tried to steal another bite, but Andrew quickly moved the bagel away, holding it above his head. Eventually she stopped trying, and they both continued walking through the town center. They enjoyed the early afternoon hustle and bustle, as ponies headed for lunch and the Market stalls started to peddle their wares. As they walked Andrew was greeted by quite a few ponies, most of them friendly and apparently eager to make up for their previous behavior. Andrew was more than happy to forgive, waving off the offers of free food or trinkets.

“Really, I appreciate the offer but I can’t.” He explained to a particularly guilty market owner who had insisted on giving him a bag of oranges on the house.

“It seems your status in Ponyville has drastically improved Andrew.” Luna said happily when they finally broke free of the crowded market. “Congratulations.”

“I have Quill Well to thank. I’ll have to think of some way to thank him.”

Luna nodded with a smile before turning to look back at the town hall, and clock tower that adorned the top.

“I suppose it’s about time to head back home.” She pointed out. “I would like to get started with your wooden toys translation.”

“You think the books will be there already?”

“I do indeed. My word carries a lot of weight as a close friend of Princess Luna’s.” She said with a small laugh. “I could have had them here by the end of last night, but I didn’t wish to be cruel to the messenger.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.” He admitted, shaking his head. “Fair enough I suppose. Back home then off to Twilight’s it is.”


Andrew arrived at the Golden Oakes a while later, knocking on the door before letting himself in. He had his cloth covered bat slung around his shoulder.

“Twilight, You here?” He called out. “It’s Andrew, I’m here to see if the books have arrived?”

When Twilight didn’t respond he walked further into the book shelf lined room. He made his way to the table at the center of the room, picking up a book at random, placing his bat in its place. A page was marked by a bookmark, so he opened it to that point. He immediately recognized a small list of symbols as runes as a handful matched the ones inscribed on the end of his bat. He read through the opened pages, quickly realizing that the book was only mentioning them in short.

“I hope this isn’t one of the books.” He mumbled to himself. “It’s not very informative.”

On a whim he flipped through the pages, reading some at random.

“The living rivers of the west… Ancient griffon magic… Holy Blood…” Andrew read, flipping from page to page. “Hey, the ancient city of Atlantis… no horse puns though.”

He flipped a bit more before settling on a page, sitting back in the nearest chair.

“The city of Atlantis is first described by the ancient philosopher Pollto…” He read out loud, switching to quietly reading almost immediately.

He was only a page or so in when the library door opened and Twilight walked in, saddle bags on her back.

“Oh, Andrew! You’re already here!” She said, surprised. “And I just sent Spike to get you and Evening Primrose.”

“Don’t worry, Eve is still there, so he won’t be stuck looking around.” He assured her, still sitting down. “I’m guessing you wanted us ‘cause the books on runes got here?”

“Exactly. I was going to go ahead and get started but I realized I was almost out of clean parchment and quills.” She explained as she levitated her saddle bags off, simultaneously floating paper and quills out of them and into their proper spots on a nearby desk. “Hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“Nah, only got a few pages in.” He explained, brandishing the book. “You guys have an Atlantis here? It’s just a myth where I come from.”

Twilight turned to look at what Andrew was holding out, squinting before her eyes widened in recognition.

“I’m afraid ours is a myth as well, that book is just filled with myths and legend, passed off as fact.” She explained. “Only a few are actually are true.”

“Oh, but it had a page or two about runes?”

“Yup, it’s where I recognized them from.” She replied, floating the book out from his hands and scrolling through the pages until she reached the bookmarked page. “See?”

The pages where once again displaying the short section on runes, including the depiction of the full runic alphabet.

“Yeah, I saw that. Not super helpful”

“Yes, unfortunately so. Although I wasn’t surprised when I remembered who the author was.”

She closed the book, spinning it until the spine was facing toward Andrew, the name Nickle Tesla written on the side.

“Oh, now that’s a name I recognize. He was an inventor, kinda eccentric.”

“Eccentric is putting it lightly. Many of his theories are ridiculous, and he died penniless after driving away everyone that cared about him with his wild ideas.” She explained. “I mean he has a hundred pages in this book alone about his ‘Holy Blood’ theory.”

“Yeah I saw that. What’s it about?”

“What, Holy Blood?” She asked as she closed the book and slid it back into the shelf, fter which she pulled a large parcel from under the table. “A wacky theory about how certain abilities that a few ponies have possessed over the last couple thousand years are given to them by the All Mother, who shares a drop of divinity with them if she thinks they are worthy.”

“Really? Pretty sure my Tesla was all about the technology. Like motors and electricity.” He replied. “What’s an All Mother?”

“She is were all life comes from, hence the name All Mother.”

“So like a religion?”

“No, it’s widely regarded as the truth. Though we all depict her differently, every species on our planet has the same belief.”

“Huh.”

Andrew replied to her explanation awkwardly, not really knowing how to respond to her answer as his opinions on religion meant little in a world of such magical whimsy. Instead he changed the subject.

“I didn’t take you as someone who would label a fellow academic as ‘wacky’”

“Normally I wouldn’t, but Princess Celestia knew him personally, and she assured me he was aggressive and annoying. Apparently they butted heads quite a few times, as he was born into a noble family.”

“Ah. Well at least he wrote about runes, right?”

“I suppose that is true.” Twilight admitted absentmindedly as she lifted the wrapped parcel. “Shall we go ahead and take a look at the books? Or should we wait for Eve?”

“I don’t think she would mind if we got a head start.”

Twilight nodded and untied the parcel’s twine strap with her magic, unfolding the paper that wrapped around it. Three books stood, stacked on top of each other. Twilight levitated one to Andrew, picking one up for herself. Andrew opened the book, scanning the first page.

“‘Journal of Runic Wizardry’” He read out loud. “This sounds like it might be helpful…”

“I think mines the best bet.” Twilight countered, turning it so the cover faced Andrew. “‘Translating and Reading Runic Inscriptions.’”

“Huh… Yeah I guess…” He replied hesitantly, putting his own book down on the table, taking the bat and untying the rope around its base. “Lets get this out and take a look.”

He pulled the cloth up off of the bat, laying it back down across the table and placing the bat on top of that. Twilight carried the open book over and laid it above the bat, then quickly carried some quills and parchment over as well.

“So… Where should we start?”

Twilight looked at Andrew, then back to the bat, then finally back to Andrew.

“I’m… not entirely sure actually… I don’t know anything about runes. I don’t even know which way to read them.”

“Maybe we should have waited for Eve.” Andrew joked as he rubbed his forehead. “She at least seemed to recognize them.”

“I suppose.” She agreed, before picking up the third book with her magic. “I’m going to start reading this one.”

Andrew nodded, but stayed quiet. He picked up the book that Twilight had originally levitated to him. He had resisted picking it up before, but now that he had he couldn’t deny just how much he wanted to read it. He was about to start, fingers brushing through the pages when the front door opened and Luna walked in.

“Ah, greetings you two. It seems you have started without me?” She said, toned as a question.

“Kinda.” Andrew started, hesitantly putting the book down. “We stopped when we realized Twilight doesn’t know enough about runes.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault.” She rebuked. “I’ve just never learned about them.”

“Indeed. While I have never used runes myself, I believe I know enough to start off from.” Luna explained, joining the other two by the table.

“Did you happen to run into Spike?” Twilight asked.

“I did, he was dragged off by a young filly on the way here, Sweetie Belle I believe.”

“Alright, hopefully he’s back by dinner time.” Twilight said with a nod, returning her focus to the bat. “So, Eve, were should we start?”


Andrew watched as Twilight and Luna poured over the books, sketched out ideas then threw them away. They were all making slow progress, not because they had to find what each rune was, that had only taken about thirty minutes. What was taking so long was that they had to figure what each rune meant in correlation to the runes it was paired with, rather than individually. With every rune having dozens of potential meanings, progress was very slow.

The inscribed runes were separated into about half a dozen small groups, which Twilight hypothesized were each small spells themselves, which would come together to perform a task or whatever the inscription was intended to do. In truth he hadn’t been sure how much of a help he was going to be, but so far he was enthralled by what he was learning. It was all so interesting. They had managed to translate the first four groups when Andrew decided he wanted a break.

“Twilight, you mind if I borrow a snack?” He asked as he got up, intending to find something to eat.

“Huh? A snack?” Twilight asked as she looked up from her parchment, turning her head to look at a clock. “Wow, four o’clock already. I guess that’s not a bad idea, I’ll go get something for all of us.”

“Don’t need to stop on my account, but sure I guess.”

Twilight waved him off and headed to the kitchen, leaving Andrew and Luna alone. He made his way to her side, leaning in to whisper.

“So…are you actually learning with us or are you letting us figure it out for ourselves like a good teacher would?”

“In all honesty I’m struggling just as much as you two are.” Luna admitted at a whisper, putting her paper down. “I was never very good with runes, and it’s been literally thousands of years since I last attempted to learn them. Tia was better with them, though not even she focused heavily on them. It’s an earth pony focused magic after all, disregarding a very specific few things, unicorn magic is much more powerful and finessed.”

“Ah, I see. Well that’s fine, I’m actually having fun.” He admitted. “It all seems… intuitive.”

“Really?” Luna asked, clearly shocked. “I find it all very un-intuitive. So many uses for a single symbol, it all seems to bleed together.”

Just then Twilight returned carrying a small plate of cookies and three glasses of milk, which she put down on the opposite side of the table.

“What bleeds together?” She asked before taking a small bite of a cookie.

“The many meanings for a single rune.” Luna replied as she made her way to the tray, Andrew right beside her. “Andrew thinks it is all intuitive.”

“Seriously?” Twilight asked, equally shocked as Luna had been. “I’m having a hard time separating all the meanings as well, especially between similar symbols.”

“Wait, really?” Andrew asked. “I’m enjoying myself, it’s like a word puzzle almost.”

“But what about similar ones, like Ansuz and Fehu? Which one means communication? What does it mean when its combined with another, like Perthro and Dagaz? It’s all hard to keep track of.”

“Indeed.” Luna agreed while nodding. “It’s not impossible, but I suspect it would be without a guide to continually check”

Andrew chewed the mouthful of cookie he had before washing it down with milk. He squinted in thought while putting the cup down.

“Ansuz is communication, and combining it with Perthro and Dagaz wouldn’t work, they would counter act each other. Perthro and Ansuz would be the first part of hiding something that you would read or look at, like a picture. You would probably put Isa in as well, and Nauthiz or Algiz to make it last longer.”

Luna and Twilight looked at Andrew, once again shocked. Twilight picked up the book and levitated it to herself, flipping through a few pages. She finally settled on one page and began reading. After a moment or so she looked back to Andrew.

“Your right, completely right. How on Equus did you remember that?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, it just seems intuitive.”

Twilight looked like she was going to press further, but she was interrupted by a knocking at the door. It opened to reveal a brown stallion who looked rather serious.

“Miss Sparkle?” He asked simply.

“Yes, that’s me” She answered, taking a step towards the newcomer. “What is it?”

“Spike and several other youngsters have gotten in a bit of trouble, would you mind coming in?”

“What? Is he okay? What happened?” Twilight asked with a gasped.

“Nothing serious ma’am, but you’re listed as his guardian so we need you to come in and fill out some paper work.”

“Of course! Give me a moment!” She replied hurriedly, turning to her two friends. “I’m sorry you two, but I need to take care of this, it sounds like the Cutie Mark Crusaders dragged Spike into some of their shenanigans. Feel free to keep going!”

Twilight hurried out of the door, leaving Andrew and Luna looking worried. Before the brown stallion left he nodded politely, following Twilight at a calm trot.

“Well… that was different.” Andrew finally managed to say.

“Indeed, I hope everything is okay.” Luna agreed. “I quite like the young drake.”

“I’m sure he is fine, he seemed like a good kid.” Andrew assured her. “Was that a police officer?”

“Police? I’m not sure, but assuming it is your word for Guard, it was.” Luna replied.

“Yeah, more or less right.” Andrew nodded. “Why wasn’t he wearing the uniform though?”

“He was part of the Off Duty Patrol.” She explained after closing the door with her magic. “Part of a program to help protect smaller towns without installing permanent bases. Guards are offered double leave if they spend it in a small town on semi off duty.”

“Ah, not a bad idea.”

“I should say not, I’m the one who came up with it.” Luna explained, with a proud smile. “Now, shall we continue?”

“Actually… As much as I was enjoying it I’m feeling a bit tired. Maybe we could call it a day?”

Luna became suddenly concerned, walking closer to him before. Her horn glowed for a moment, which made Andrews skin tingle.

“What are you doing?” He asked, a bit nervous.

“I’m scanning you.” She replied simply before dropping her spell. “You seem okay, but we should get you home so you can rest.”

“It’s no big deal, I can just take a break before we con-”

“Andrew, do you not remember our discussion about how serious magical exhaustion is?”

“I do, but-“

“No buts, we are going home so you can lay down.” She declared. “Don’t make me carry you there, because I will.”

Andrew looked into Lunas eyes for a moment, trying to debate if he should try and push the subject. Luna’s look back was unyielding, so he relented.

“Fine. But I’m bringing this book with me.”

He picked up the book he had been dying to read, and tucked it under his arm. He walked out of the library, followed by Luna, who shut the door and turned off the lights behind them.