//------------------------------// // Chapter 14 - The Paint Gun Testing Initiative // Story: Portals. Portals Everywhere! // by Piece Bot //------------------------------// Rainbow waited outside in the waiting room, trying to determine whether or not Twilight was okay. It had been a few hours since the nurses pushed her into ER, and she was getting worried. To try and calm herself, she shook her head and took to the skies, resting herself on a tuft of cloud soon as she found one big enough. ‘I can check up on her later. I just need to calm down for a bit first though.” Rainbow thought and settled in for a nap. “That puzzle was definitely way too easy.” Joseph commented, walking through the exit door of the puzzle they had just completed. “Tell me about it. All it had were stationary turrets with a few lasers thrown in.” Pinkie scoffed and walked through the door to find a lit up room with a gun in the middle of it. “What’s that?” Joseph scratched his head and walked closer to the gun. Thinking it was safe, he went ahead and grabbed it. Soon as he did, the entire floor broke away. Looking to Pinkie, he grinned and fell. “Tell my stoorrrrry!” Joseph shouted as he fell down the seemingly deep hole. Running to the edge, Pinkie looked over it but she couldn’t see anything except for the lonesome flash of Crikey and the sound of a big splash. “I’ll tell it! Don’t worry! Are you okay though?” Pinkie shouted into the hole, lying down on her stomach near the edge. “I’m okay! Just feeling wet is all!” Joseph shouted back and swept his light on the ground. Slowly stepping through the murky blackness, his foot brushed against something metal. Bending down and picking it up, he found it was some sort of prototype portal gun except there was something different. It was more rusty and it had two tubes on either side of the barrel instead of them being inside it. Knitting his eyebrows together, he looked up and holding the portal gun in one hand, he fired a portal at the wall but it missed and fizzled out as his hand dropped. “Now we know why it needs two hands to hold. It’s bloody heavy.” Crikey said bluntly, immediately shorting out. Joseph poked his tongue out at the potato and put the prototype under his arm. Holding the portal gun with both hands this time, he fired a portal next to Pinkie and one next to him on the wall to his right. Satisfied that it worked this time, he walked through it and sat down next to Pinkie. “What do you think? Explore some more later on? I don’t know about you but I’m hungry.” Joseph suggested. “That sounds like a plan.” Pinkie agreed wholeheartedly. Waking up from her power nap, Rainbow yawned and stretched like a cat. Shaking her head to get the sleepiness completely out of her system, she flapped her wings, making the cloud move away from her. Looking down to the hospital, she remembered about Twilight’s condition and flew down to see if it had improved. Walking in once she had landed, Rainbow immediately went to the front desk to ask about Twilight. “How’s Twilight Sparkle?” She asked the nurse behind the desk. The nurse had a white coat and a light pink mane. A nurse’s hat sat upon her mane and a cutie mark of a red cross was on her flank. “Twilight Sparkle? She is on the second floor, third door to the right.” The nurse said, looking at her clipboard while saying it. “Great. Thanks Nurse Redheart.” Rainbow said and trotted up the stairs to the second floor. Counting the doors, she entered the third one and found Twilight hooked up to all manner of machines. One was for monitoring her heart rate, another was an IV drip to help with her liquid intake. Seeing a doctor walk in to check up on Twilight, Rainbow walked up to him to ask about her friend. “How’s she doing, doctor?” “Miss Rainbow Dash I presume?” He asked, noticing her rainbow mane. She only nodded in response. “Miss Sparkle here has entered some sort of coma. Her brain has shut down due to something that must have happened only recently. Can you tell me what may have caused this?” He asked, flipping through the pages on the clipboard that was at the foot of Twilight’s bed. “Uuum … uh … No idea sir. Sorry.” Rainbow stuttered, trying not to think about what the doctor just said about Twilight being in a coma. “Oh. Well. That’s a shame. No need to worry though. I’m sure she’ll be out of it soon enough.” The doctor told her, placing the clipboard back in its place. Rainbow nodded at that dumbly and stared at Twilight blankly before shaking herself out of it. “I have to tell my friends.” Rainbow said softly and dashed out the open window, intending to tell Spike first of Twilight’s condition. Blinking as they both stepped out into sunlight, Joseph and Pinkie shielded their eyes from the harsh light. “There you two are!” A voice called out from the edge of town. Narrowing his eyes, Joseph found that the voice belonged to Rarity. “Rarity? What do you want?” Joseph asked as they both walked towards her. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Come quickly! It’s about Twilight!” Rarity said and ran in the other direction, forcing the duo to follow her. “Do you know what this is about?” Pinkie asked. “Nope. Not a clue. But it seems like lunch has to wait.” Joseph replied. When they got to the hospital, it seemed like the rest of their friends were already there. “Why did Rarity tell us to come here?” Pinkie asked as she looked at the gathered ponies confusedly. “I told her to bring you two here because Twilight is in a coma. Spike is already up there, seeing if there is anything he can do to snap her out of it.” Rainbow said, looking at the group sadly. “What? Oh no no no.” Joseph said quickly, dropping his weapons, pushing past the group and dashing inside. “Second floor, third door on the right!” Rainbow called out helpfully. Joseph silently thanked her and ran up the stairs, taking two at a time. Reaching the second floor in record time, he burst through the door and found Twilight sleeping with Spike shooting out of his chair at the commotion. Seeing Joseph with crazy hair and a distraught look made Spike think back to the time Twilight went crazy over not sending a letter to Celestia. Seeing him drop to his knees made Spike run over to him and put his claw on his shoulder. “You okay?” “I did this.” Joseph mumbled, staring at Twilight’s sleeping from intensely. “What do you mean you did this?” Spike asked, feeling his claw be shrugged off. “I did this. I did this. I keep saying it because it’s true and I put her in the position that lead to this. I asked her if she wanted to help me solve a puzzle. She pushed a button that would have helped solve it. Part of the floor rose up and a cube smashed into it. When it moved back down, I saw Twilight falling towards some toxic goo after hearing the sheila say something about this not existing. Then Rainbow Dash flew down and managed to catch her but not before some of the goo ate away at part of her tail. Some small part of it must have gotten into her system in some stupid way. I don’t know. That’s the only explanation I can offer up mate.” Joseph answered softly, barely enough for Spike to even hear. “This is not your fault. She chose to help you. She probably didn’t expect the floor to move on its own.” Spike said helpfully. Joseph smiled at this and gently hugged the dragon. “Thanks. Now if she was awake, I could’ve told her about what Pinkie and I found down in the puzzle room after the one we solved but it can wait until she wakes.” He said with a small smile, and slowly stood up, wiping away tears that had formed. He ruffled Spike’s head and turned to tell the others that everything was fine. Walking down the steps, he brought himself back to what he considered a ‘normal’ state and headed outside the hospital. “Hey Joseph! What took ya so long?” Pinkie asked, seeing him emerge. “Nothing. She seems completely fine.” Joseph replied, waving at the five of them. “Spike is still up there. He’s most likely going to take care of her until she wakes up.” Joseph added, moving to stand next to Pinkie. “Oh. That’s nice.” Fluttershy said softly. Joseph gave a small smile to her and then clapped. “I have to go back to the library. Seems like I’ve been left in charge of it by default. We’ll see how well it goes and hopefully I won’t burn it up in the process.” He said with a strained smile. “Pinkie, we can have lunch some other time. I just have to see if Twilight and Spike left anything to do. Okay?” He asked the pink pony. “Okie doke. Pinkie Promise?” Pinkie asked seriously. “What the heck is a Pinkie Promise sheila?” “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Applejack demonstrated, closing her eye as she held her hoof against it. “It’s serious business.” She added. “How serious?” Joseph asked with a confused look. “It is very serious. I haven’t seen it myself, but I heard that Pinkie will hunt down anypony that breaks a Pinkie Promise.” Fluttershy interjected with a fairly strong voice. Grimacing, he gulped and did the actions. “Cross my heart, hope to fly and stick a cupcake in my eye. I Pinkie Promise that we will have lunch at a later date sheila.” Joseph said in what he hoped was a normal grin. Satisfied with that, Pinkie walked up to him and poked him in the chest, hard. “If you break that Promise, you. Will. Regret. It.” She said, punctuating the last few words with hard pokes. “Then I won’t break it.” Joseph said uneasily. Nodding at that, everypony began to disperse slowly with Pinkie bouncing to Sugarcube Corner, Rarity walking off to Carousel Boutique, Applejack heading in the direction of her family and Fluttershy walking calmly back to her cottage. Rainbow must have already flown off. Seeing that they had all left, he sighed. “These ponies will be the death of me.” He said with a slight chuckle and went to pick up his weapons. Holding them loosely in each hand, he headed off to Golden Oaks library. Moving through the marketplace on his way back, he thought he saw a few of the ponies limbs jerk a bit as they did their daily business. Slowing to a stop, he inspected each of the ponies as they walked past, trying to see if anything was different about the various denizens. Their fur seemed normal. Their walking seemed normal. Their cutie marks where what they should be. The only thing is, none of them were talking and making idle chit-chat as they usually did. In fact, now that Joseph was thinking about all these details, he didn’t hear anything at all in the marketplace other than some sparks and a few jerking limbs grinding to a halt. “That doesn’t sound good.” Joseph thought and stood stock-still as the android ponies inspected him. “Joshu. If you don’t listen to me, you are going to die. I can see that these robotic wankers are not the real citizens of Ponyville and it would be great if you ran. NOW!” Crikey instructed and Joseph bolted, heading for Golden Oaks. The sound of metal meeting ground assaulted his ears as the hoofsteps got louder and louder. Thinking on the spot, he threw his portal gun at the library, breaking a window in the process. “OI! THIS IS EXPENSIVE EQUIPMENT!” Crikey protested as he was flung through the window. Ignoring him, Joseph spun around and slid backwards a few feet, nearly making him fall over backwards. Holding onto the prototype gun with both hands, he pressed a button on the handle and it fired off blue paint. The paint squelched out of the gun and onto the nearest pony, causing its fur to melt off and exposing metal skin. He fired it again and the same pony began bouncing around erratically, crashing into the other robots and making them short out. Eventually, he bounced around so much that his body just fell to pieces and the entire space between four of the houses were littered with robotic parts. Eyes widening, he moved forward and kicked one of the bodies. He jumped back though as it began to move and pull itself up, however, scratch marks and chunks of the actual body were missing. Bits of fur remained in place and what was left was a light lilac colour with bits of blonde mane sticking to its head. The rest of the fur was melted off thanks to the blue gel that came in contact with it. “Oh man. Not Dinky too.” Joseph groaned. The robot version of Dinky responded by using its small horn and levitating him. Closing his eyes, he aimed the gun at Dinky blindly and as he felt himself begin to fall, he shot the paint and heard bouncing sounds until it finally exploded in a ball of fire. Hitting the ground, his eyes snapped open and he looked at the pleasant blue sky. “This is definitely not the right day for robot pony killing.” Joseph muttered and got up, hunching over and rubbing his back as he walked into the Golden Library. On a nearby roof but out of the human’s sight, the black metallic body of an Alicorn frowned deeply at the destruction of her ‘children’. Snorting, she lit up her horn thanks to magic energies swirling throughout a magic-tech core fusion in her body. Making the glow surround all the different parts, she breathed through her nose and with a flutter of transparent wings, teleported the lot of them away from the town while at the same time, replacing the ponies that had been massacred. “Crikey. I didn’t think that the androids would do this.” Joseph muttered, sitting down in front of the broken window, not noticing a flash of magic stream through. “A flash of magic just happened.” Crikey stated. “How could I not have seen this though? It must have slowly been happening ever since I started living here.” Joseph continued; ignoring his friendly root. “I think … yup. The ponies are back mate.” Crikey said again in a monotonous voice, hearing hoofsteps walk around the town as if nothing had happened. “And throwing me through the window was not cool. You have to clean all this up now.” Crikey said, hoping that would get Joseph’s attention. “Huh? Oh right. They even replaced Dinky.” He added and got a dustpan and brush from the kitchen. “They did what!?” Crikey asked in surprise. “Oh right. You weren’t there.” Joseph said in a bored voice, cleaning up the broken pieces of glass. “Of course I wasn’t ya wanker! Mate, you threw me through a window. A WINDOW! You could have either a) dislodged me, effectively killing me, or b) ended up destroying one of the two things keeping you from getting killed and solving all those puzzles!” Crikey said matter-of-factly with slight anger to the end. “Well I’m sorry your majesty. Happy?” Joseph asked, bowing slightly to emphasise his point and deposited the broken window in the bin in the kitchen. “I need to make myself something. Wonder if they have anything good in here.” Joseph said to himself and began rummaging through the kitchen. The kitchen itself was next to the main library that made up most, if not all, of the ground floor of the Golden Oaks library. It was a modest kitchen, with a single table in the middle with cupboards arranged around the edges. A fridge was tucked in a corner and a sink was in the middle of one the cupboards surrounding the sides. The cupboards were made of some type of wood. Most likely the same wood the tree was. Looking in the fridge, all he found was salads and daffodils. Shrugging, not being a very picky eater by nature, he grabbed a bowl he found in a cupboard next to the fridge and put some salad in it, intending to restock once he had found a job. Munching away at the salad, he placed the bowl on the table and brought in both of the guns and put them on the table as well. “What do you think of the gun Crikey? Think I’ll be able to make that and the portal gun into a hybrid of both?” Joseph asked, tilting his head in thought. “Whatever makes it stick, I’d say let’s do it and hope it doesn’t cause the world to implode or something.” Crikey said with gusto. “That’s good to know. The only problem is, I may need to take you off of the gun. Maybe. Eh, probably not.” Joseph mused and finished up the salad, washing the bowl in the sink and placing it back where he found it after drying it off. “Now. Let’s make some science!” Joseph said crazily and immediately took both guns up to his room to tinker with them. The next day, Joseph was woken up with an extremely hard bounce on his chest, causing him to curl up in pain. “OH good god that is unbearable. Which wanker is doing that this time?” Joseph asked in pain, slowly opening his eyes to a rainbow streaking around his room. “Either this is an acid trip or Rainbow Dash just woke me up by jumping on me.” Joseph said, seeing his vision finally clear and wondered which one was worse. “GEDDUP EGGHEAD! IT’S THE START OF CIDER SEASON!” Rainbow shouted, bouncing on his chest again. “It’s official. Rainbow Dash is worse.” Joseph groaned in between bounces. Rolling over to get her to stop bouncing, he mumbled something into the floor and raised his head. “What the heck is cider season?” “It’s only the most fun time of all year! But come on! No chit-chat as time is money! We’re wasting daylight so we have to get there before the line gets too long!” Rainbow ordered and zoomed out his window. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he yawned and found the sun had barely risen. “It’s way too early to be pummeled to death by technicolour horsies.” Joseph sighed and grabbing the paint gun, he stuck Crikey on one of the black prongs on the end and walked downstairs. “You up Crikey?” Joseph asked as he yawned again and kept the sign on the front door to closed as he walked off to see Rainbow streaking way ahead of him. A slow blink was all Crikey gave before shining out again. It was early for him as well. Zipping up his jumpsuit, he placed his hand in his pocket while holding loosely onto the paint gun with his other hand. Following the rainbow trail slowly, he ended up walking towards the outskirts of the town and a farm. Not noticing the streak had stopped, he bumped into the back of a pony, who gave an eep. Looking down, he found Fluttershy cowering slightly. “Morning Flutters.” He yawned, still too tired to properly pronounce her name. “Why is it so early?” “How did you get in front of me!?” Rainbow protested before Fluttershy could answer him. “I did?” Joseph blinked, looking down at the cyan Pegasus. “Yeah. I saw you leave way after me!” Rainbow complained, getting fired up over nothing. “It was probably when you were talking to Pinkie.” Fluttershy said helpfully, peeking from around Joseph. “I don’t even get what this Cider Season even is. Is it something to do with alcohol?” “Cider Season is the time when the Apple family makes a lot of cider for about a month and then we have to wait again till next year. Rainbow Dash always missed out because-” Fluttershy was cut off as Rainbow Dash shouted. “PINKIE PIE!” Rainbow shouted as she saw Pinkie walk past the line with about five cups of cider towered in her grasp. “What the?” Joseph muttered, his jaw dropping as Pinkie drank them all in quick succession. “I need to see just what is happening.” Joseph said, jumping the fence and walking towards the stall at the far end of the field. Rainbow shrugged, only happy to take his place. As Joseph got closer, he was stopped by something small and yellow. “Hold up a second!” She shouted authoritatively. “Yes little one?” Joseph asked with a raised eyebrow as he looked down at her. Not answering, the yellow filly with the red mane and bow turned to Applejack. “Hey Applejack! We have a line-jumper!” She shouted and trotted away as Applejack moved to take her place. “Oh howdy Joseph. I suppose you’re wondering what all this is about huh?” She asked, leading him forward and standing next to him as the rest of her family served the citizens, each barrel slowly being emptied and replaced. “G’Day sheila. I was just wondering what the heck this cider season business is about. And also who that little yellow pony was.” Joseph asked, scratching his head with the gun. “Ah.” Applejack said, giggling at Joseph’s description of her sister. “That there was Applebloom. She’s mah sister and that old, green one is Granny Smith. The big red one lifting all the barrels is Big Mac.” Applejack answered, grinning in pride at her family. Meanwhile, Joseph’s jaw dropped and he laughed uneasily. “Granny Smith and Big Mac. Those are the names of Apples. Actual apples but they’re also pony names. Of course they would be. Why not?” Joseph said in a high-pitched voice, clearing his throat after speaking. “Sorry. What is Cider season? All Fluttershy told me is that it’s a month long thing and then there’s no more cider until the year after.” Joseph repeated his question. “That’s basically the gist of it.” Applejack said and went to help serve the customers while Joseph sat back and watched. His back was against a tree that was close to the stall but not close enough as to avoid anger in the citizens. “These … ponies seem less … robotic … then before.” Crikey yawned as his optics was finally brought back to life. “You think? They’re acting like actual ponies now. Even talking and laughing while drinking.” Joseph said just as quietly as the last barrel was taken and placed on the stall. Soon as Fluttershy got her cider, Rainbow paid for hers and ended up with nothing but a drop. “THAT’S IT EVERYPONY! Y’ALL HAVE TO COME ON BACK TOMORROA!” APplejack called out, much to the disdain of the various ponies still waiting in line. “OH COME ON!” Rainbow yelled, flying up into the air almost immediately. Joseph looked down the dirt path as he heard bells and whistle and a few other things as something came closer. Soon as it was in view, every other pony looked down the road as well. Coasting to a stop in front of the fence, making it bend under the weight of the huge steel bumper the … contraption was sporting. It was red and yellow, had a few giant globes and a rubber hose attached to a gramophone speaker. Two ponies jumped off the contraption. They were both inverted versions of each other. They both had creamy coloured coats and candy-cane manes. It was the only Joseph could describe it without his eyes going hazy from the clashing colours of their blue vests that they were wearing. After letting the townsfolk get used to them for a little bit, they then burst into song. “Are you kidding me?” Joseph asked out loud in disbelief. As the ponies bounced and danced as they sang, the whole town seemed to get into it. “What the heck is going on around here? Has the cider gone to their heads or something?” Joseph wondered, getting up and leaning against the tree. “Or something.” Crikey echoed as he too, watched in disbelief at the impromptu musical number. He saw them light up their horns and have smoke surround a few apple trees. The load was plucked off and floated over to the machine where it went to work, making a couple of barrels out of the bushel of apples in mere seconds. He saw them give Granny Smith a cup of cider after she had protested and after drinking it, she made a face. Probably to show that she liked it but didn’t want to admit it. When the song was finished, Apple Bloom said something and then the Apples huddled up. While they were distracted, he pushed off of the tree and walked around the contraption, seeing it as a portable cider maker. He went to touch one of the buttons but was stopped by some green smoke. He looked over and found one of the ponies giving him a hard stare. “G’Day gents. I only wanted to see what this here attraction did.” Joseph said with a goofy grin. The pony that caught him in the magic walked closer. “No touching allowed. That right Flim?” Flim asked his brother. “That’s right Flam.” His brother said. “Flim and Flam?” Joseph asked, trying to hold back laughter. Flim gave him a strange look. “Something funny?” Flam asked. “Yup. Your names.” “What about our names?” Flim asked. “You may as well have charlatan or swindler. They’re about as subtle as Flim and Flam.” Joseph stated, no longer able to contain his laughter. They both looked at each other before releasing him. “Whatever you heard-” “We had nothing to do with it.” “Right Flam?” “Right Flim.” They both finished each other’s sentences with a nod. “Well that’s certainly not creepy at all,” Joseph commented as he stepped back a bit. Flim released his smokey hold as Applejack said something about a contest. As they were distracted, Joseph pressed a button anyway and immediately ran around to other side. “Joseph. We need your help.” Applejack said as they broke off and headed over to the mayor of Ponyville. “We have enough time left in the day to do this contest. If we lose, it would mean losing the farm.” Applejack informed him as they stopped in front of the grey mayor. “Mayor Mare, is it alright if honorary family members help?” She asked. “I don’t see why not, Flim, Flam, will you allow this?” The mare asked the two charlatans. “We don’t see why not. They’ll need all the help they can get to beat us.” Flam said and knocked his cider cup with his brother’s. “Hang on a second! I barely know your family!” Joseph protested. “I talked it over with them and they all agreed with me, however they’re still skeptical on account of that there gun of yours.” Applejack replied to his protest kindly. “I’ll take that as a yes. The contest begins …. now! You all have an hour to complete this contest!” Mayor Mare announced. As the Apples got everything ready in what appeared to be record time, Joseph quickly gathered up Rainbow, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity. Once they were all in a line, Joseph got to work, thinking why a contest was even happening and why some cider was such a big deal. Keeping the thoughts in his head for now, Joseph began. “Alright you sheilas.” Joseph said, marching up and down the small line. “Applejack needs help in winning this contest. Are you all ready to help your fellow friend?” Joseph asked, nearly saying ANZAC but knew it would only confuse them. They all nodded. “Good. Rainbow, help Big Mac out with the treadmill.” Joseph ordered, watching Rainbow fly up to Big Mac and help him with in running the treadmill. “Pinkie, you can help Apple Bloom catch the apples falling from the tree.” He said to her. “Yes sir!” Pinkie saluted and ran off to help Apple Bloom with the apples by placing a basket on her head as went past Granny Smith. “Rarity, with your eye for fashion, I’m thinking you have attention to detail as well. You can help Granny Smith with sorting out the apples from good and bad.” Joseph told Rarity, watching her trot up to Granny Smith and help out with sorting the apples. He took a quick glance over to the walking cider factory and found that there was already a big pile of cider, however, most of the barrels seemed to be overflowing. Taking another quick glance at their own pile, he found that they were making one barrel to their five. “Fluttershy. Help Applejack in getting the apples off of the trees.” He said kindly and seeing her nod, she flew over to the trees and began flying in and out of the trees, making the apples fall quickly as they shook around. Turning to his own task, he placed a row of orange gel between the barrel count and the treadmill. Seeing a barrel fill up, he placed the lid on it tightly and sent it spinning down the track to rest gently at their own pile. They kept at it but at the half hour mark, Joseph saw that their pile was getting steadily higher but Charlatan and Swindler’s pile was a heck of a lot higher. By the time the hour was up, everypony had collapsed under the stress and their own endurance running out. Looking up from his position on the grassy ground, Joseph found that the Flim Flam pile was towering over theirs with more than half of the barrels overflowing. “This seems obvious but the winners are the Flim Flam brothers!” Mayor Mare announced. Applejack’s family sighed and began to slowly walk to their farmhouse to pack their things up. “WAIT!” Joseph shouted at the Apples. They all stopped and turned just in time to see Flim and Flam’s cider get rejected. “Next town brother?” “Next town.” The brothers said and hopping onto their machine, sped off back the way they had come. Hearing the town cheer for the Apple family made Applejack cry in joy. “Thanks to this silly contest, we have more than enough cider for the whole town to enjoy!” Applejack announced grandly, making the town cheer their loudest yet. Sometime later, Joseph made his way home after the festivities. Having drunk a couple of mugs of cider himself, he had found it quite delicious. Tomorrow though was another day and tomorrow, he was going to figure out how to get that hybrid idea of his working.