//------------------------------//
// The Last Confession 
// Story: Ponyville confessions 
// by Lunaexcelsior 
//------------------------------//

‘Ello there.  My name is Angelo, but you may know me as ‘the bartender guy who knows stuff about ponies’. For the past few months I have entertained with fascinating secrets about some of Ponyville’s biggest celebrities.  Well, I think it’s about the time that I finally tell you about the origins of the Hay Palace and how I came to be the pony I am today.

You see a long, long, time ago I was nothing more but a student, fresh out of the ‘Hoofsdale University Of Psychological studies’, a very highly sought institution that gave me a nice piece of toilet paper once I walked out of it. I was hardly the crème de la crème of this school, so I was just slumped back to the unemployment barn the second I left. With barely any tangible skills I was let out in this kingdom we call Equestria.

It was pretty bad at first; I am not going to lie to you. I barely had the essentials to live, but I was still optimistic about my chances.  I still believed that my little diploma would one day bring me the fame and fortune I so desperately desired. 

As my parents stopped sending me the money, I began searching for a place that would hire me. At the time, I thought that a leaky roof over my head was better than no roof at all so I had to find some place to earn the bits to keep mine.

For five months I searched all around Hoofsdale, but nopony seemed to be hiring. I was no good for hoof labor, seeing as how I was lacking quite a lot in the muscle department, and for any other job I was either under qualified or overqualified, depending on the type of profession. 

My bits were slowly fading away until the dreaded day came when my parent’s wealth went dry and I was evicted from the dingy, leaky roofed, motel I called home. 

With only four bits left I ventured out, crushed and devastated by the cruelty of this oh so beautiful kingdom. I wandered out of the Hoofsdale motel and just traveled the road, using the remaining two bits of my funds to pay for a train ride to Ponyville. 

I figured that a quiet town like that would be a better scenery change for me and since I lost everything else, might as well try. With only two bits and a hay sandwich I sat in my train compartment and looked out of the window.

As I sat, contemplating whether or not this was a bright idea in the first place, an important looking stallion came in. The stallion was wearing a dark black blazer with a puffy white shirt beneath and a red bow tie around his neck. 

Sure, he looked a bit strange, but the strangest feature, was that monocle of his. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. It really did feel like he was peering into my soul with that thing.

The old business pony smied at me politely and offered me a flask. I looked at it and then back at him with a puzzled look on my face.

“Would you like some?” he asked.

“That depends. Is it poisonous?” I asked.

“If you drink too much, it could be,” the pony said with a friendly smile “but under smaller doses it really helps to ease up the nerves and you really look like you could use it.”

I was still skeptical, but this stranger seemed to be persistent and I didn’t want to appear rude. I took the small flask from his hooves and gulped in the strange liquid.

The powerful taste of the elixir hit me like a rock as I felt an instant rush in my entire body. My face spazzed out as I unleashed some sort of a weird sound.

“Hoowee, you chugged like a real pro there, son,” the old stallion chuckled as he slapped his knee.

“What was in that thing?” I asked as I still try to recuperate from the potent potion.

“It’s just some good old vodka my friend,” the old stallion continued.

“Vodka?” I asked.

“Mhm;” the stallion nodded his head “I figured you’d need something with a bit of a punch to open up. Now tell me, son, what worries you?”

I was quite taken back by his blunt approach. I barely knew this guy and he was already making friendly chitchat with me like we were best buds or something.

“Well, not that it’s any of your business,” I began “but I am going through a bit of a rough patch in my life right now.”

“What do you mean?” he asked me with a concern look n is face.

“Let’s just say I am a homeless and jobless student who really should have done more farm work when he had the chance to do so,” I sighed. 

The stranger offered me his flask once more. I took it out of his hooves and sipped once more. For some reason, the strange liquid seemed to be doing wonders for me.

As I sipped, the old stallion smiled at me once more.

“Well, son, I think I may be able to help you out a bit here,” the old stallion said cryptically.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“As it happens, I run a local Ponyville restaurant called ‘The Hay Palace’ and we are in a desperate need of some help around the place,” he explained to me.

“So you want me?” I asked, confused by his offer.

“Yuppers,” the old stallion replied “You will get a steady paycheck of three hundred bits a month and a nice room to lay your head.”

“But what would I do?” I asked.

“Well, mostly small things,” the old stallion explained “Mop the floor, tend to the bar, nothing too much.”

“Sounds like a dream come true,” I joked “but why in all of Equestria would you pick me for the job?”

“Let’s just say that I have quite the eye when it comes to these things,” the pony said mysteriously as our train pulled up to the stop.

As we left the train station the old pony led me to a very rustic looking building on the edge of Ponyville. Even though it looked to be as old as Equestria itself, it still had a certain charm to it. The dark brown oak wood really made it stood out amongst the plain pink bricked houses that surrounded. On top of the old house was a sign on which was written, in cursive, ‘Welcome to Hay Palace’. As I walked in, the old stallion showed me to my room.

“Well, it isn’t much, but it is homey enough, I suppose,” the old pony showed me to a room where there was a small bed, a nightstand and a closet.

“It’s still roomier than the motel one I can tell you that,” I commented with a smirk. The old pony let out a hearty laugh.

“Well, you best settle in,” the old man said and yawned “As for me, I am going to hit the hay as well.”

“Wait,” I yelled out “I never got your name.”

The old pony bonked himself over the head with his hoof.

“oh my, I am getting more and more forgetful these days,” he laughed “My name is Haytings P. Martini, but you can just call me Mr. Hay” he said.

“Alright, Mr. Hay,” I said “Well, I am…”

“Angelo, I know,” the old stallion said with a smile.

I was stunned. 

“How do you know my name?” I asked in panic.

“It’s all in the eyes;” Haytings responded mysteriously and left.

Only later did I find out what the old bastard meant by that, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, for the next few weeks I was having a jolly good time. I would tend to the bar by day and by night I would clean up the joint so it would look nice and spiffy. It was an easy job and I couldn’t be happier to do it. 

I even got to use my psychology degree as ponies would, from time to time, tell me some of their private problems and I would offer them solutions to them. It seemed to really help a lot of them and they would leave a heftier tip to me when I did so.

Then one day something changed.

I was just sitting there, tending bar, when in came the most important pony in my life, Mr. Hay. 

He was much more serious than usually as he looked around, nervosly seizing down the customers that surrounded him. Once the last of 
them left, he turned his attention to me.

“What’ll it be, Mr. Hay?” I asked the old stallion.

“Wy do I need to drink anything?” he asked me. I knew very well what he was doing, so I played along.

“Well you don’t, but I find that, in my profession, people are much more open when they have a drink,” I said smugly.

“HA HA HA!” Mr. Hay laughed “You’re a quick learner,” he said and took out his flask.

“Well I had a great tutor,” I smiled politely.

Mr. Hay waved his hoof and took a sip out of his flask.

“Ahh, that’s good,” he said and wiped his face with his hooves.

“So what brings you back here at these hours?” I asked.

Mr. Hay suddenly turned grim serious.

“Angelo, I will be honest with you,” he said and took in a deep breath “I am a very lonely man. And my life is drawing soon to an end,” he 
sighed.

“Oh don’t say that Mr. hay,” I said “I am sure you will live at least another decade or so.” 

“Maybe, but still,” Haytings breathed in “I am getting too old to run this business. It’s just too much stress for me and I think someone younger should take over” Mr. Hay smiled at me.

“Me?”I asked.

“Well, of course,” Mr. Hay replied “You know the ins and outs of this joint. Not to mention that your advice giving is really hitting it off out there. Ponies sometimes come in here just to talk to you,” he continued. 

I was pretty much blushing at this point.

“However, there is still one more thing that you don’t know,” Mr. Hay said mysteriously. 

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Come with me, I’ll show you,” Mr. Hay took me by the hoof. He led me down to a locked door with an oval indent on it. He took off his monocle and placed it in the oval indent. 

As the energy surged from the monocle, I quickly realized that it was some sort of a magical device. I looked in awe as the door unlocked and I was shown a whole different world.

It was so surreal to see this whole other dimension populated solely by some weird, hairless, two legged creatures. Behind one of the two legged beasts stood a wide array of beverages, much like we had back at the ‘Hay Palace’. 

Mr. Hay waved nonchalantly at the creature behind the counter and closed the door. 

I began to hyperventilate as Mr. hay calmed me down.

“What was that thing?” I asked in horror.

“That was a human, Angelo ,” Mr. Hay told me “You see, a few years back, I found out about this place quite accidentally. It was around the time I was your age when I made an investment in this bar. On the first glance, it didn’t seem quite glamorous, but it was a starting point. As I was just cleaning it up, I found this monocle hidden away in of the drawers,” he said and pointed to his monocle “It was this item that allowed me to see into the minds of everypony and to feel when they are being troubled. That’s why I told you ‘it’s all in the eyes’,” Mr. hay explained.

“Okay,” I said “but what does it all have to do with these human thingies?” I asked impatiently.

“well,” Mr. Hay continued “As it turns out the monocle also served as a portal key between our world and their world which I only figured out after I used it, as a joke, to open the basement door. I spent years living with the humans and studying their ways of making these elixirs we have here. And now I want to pass down the torch,” he said and handed me over the monocle.

“Are you sure about this? I mean, what if I don’t know what to do?” I asked in panic.

“I will still be here to guide. I will help to introduce you to the human world and their ways of making the potions we serve here. And once you’re ready, I will make you my heir,” Mr. Hay smiled and gave me a hug.

“I will not let you down,” I said and hugged him.

Twenty years have gone since that day. Twenty long difficult years of learning to communicate with the human species, to establish a powerful trade with them and to learn all the laws and regulations to which we abide here. I still can’t believe it’s been that long. And today I stand here, alone, baring all the secrets to you. 

Mr. Hay has long since passed. His death came to him in his sleep and whisked him away down to the river Styx, never to be awakened again. It still puts a tear in my eye whenever I think of how much he had helped me. 

My life wouldn’t be nearly like this if it weren’t for him. It just goes to show you what a little kindness and some future foresight can bring to a man.

My name is Angelo and this has been my last confession. 

The ‘Hay Palace’ will still stand, more ponies will still trott through these halls and I will still be here to greet them all with a warm smile and a cold drink.