I Once Took Movement For Granite
My eyes snapped open. Or they would've, if I could move them. I had been dozing with my eyes open. In front of me stood Princess Celestia, with every evidence of satisfaction portrayed on her visage. I tried to say a witty remark, but my lips seemed to be glued shut. An examination of my surroundings confirmed my suspicions. I was now stone-faced. And stone-bodied. 'Well... Crud.' Celestia walked away, towards the castle.
"She's gone now. I'll bet ya 140 bits the new guy's crazy"
An oddly familiar voice sounded in my head, one that sounded like a lunatic. It was responded to by a voice devoid of all emotion, as if it was a book being read in the same tone. Clearly femenine, but still deep.
"I accept that challenge. He will be serious and intelligent, unlike you.
I was confused.
'Um, what?'
"Heeheeheeheeheeeeeeee! He hasn't even the slightest idea of where he is!", announced a third voice, higher pitched than the first one and a bit more... happy in a creepy way.
'Well, judging by my current condition, I would guess that I am resting on a podium in the Canterlot Castle Gardens. Am I not correct?'
The emotionless voice responded.
"You are correct. Discord, I believe that would be 140 bits for me." The gears in my head started to turn.
'Wait, Discord? The draconequus? I've heard about you. Ya know, I'm almost as nutty as you.'
I could hear the sounds of coins clinking and then they stopped.
"I told ya, Meat-mare. He's crazy! He admits it! Pass over the bits!"
I could see now what was happening. Ah well, might as well enjoy it.
'Well, I suppose I might tell you how I got here. But first, hold onto your bits.'
"Awwwwwwwwwww!"
"You heard him, Discord. Hand over my bits and hold onto yours. I'm sure he has an explanation," said the deep voice, whom I now identified as "Meat-mare".
'Yes. Turns out, I'm both nuts and sane. I've got my screws tight as can be, and then it turns out I'm missing one. It's complicated. Ya might call it chronic insanity. Any questions?' The third voice spoke up.
"I HAVE ONE! How did you get into a statue? We've all got a back-story. Meat-mare was the most gruesome killer in Equestria. All she could feel was cruelty. When she got imprisoned, she was left without emotions, as she couldn't be cruel. Discord, I'm sure you've heard of him. Head chaos nutjob. As for me, everyone calls me Sigmund the Shattered. I fed off of insanity, and to do that, I had to make others insane. And I was good. Too good..." I swear I could hear him lick his lips.
'Okaaaaaaay... Well, I'm Scales, and I'm not too sure how I got here. I'm travelling across Equestria, and 8 seconds after I step out of Everfree after crossing it, Celly and Woona hit me with a stun bolt and I wake up in Canterlot.' I could hear them murmuring at my references to the princesses as Celly and Woona. 'So I wake up in a cage, break out, go a little bonkers, annoy the heck out of the mane 6 and the princesses, and they finally corner me and use the elements.'
"Oohhhh, I'm going to love spending a few years with you," commented Discord. "Miss Gruesome is too boring and Siggy is too stuck-up to actually have some fun instead of talking about himself. I'm so glad you came along. Everyone else in this blasted park doesn't even have the guts to contact us. I have an idea. How about a wacky tea party?" Before I could respond, I was suddenly sitting at a table which was suspended in midair, me not being the consistency of stone. Discord sat across from me, yet upside-down from my current position.
"Umm... I don't believe I'm familiar with this method. Care to elaborate on what you just did?"
"It's really quite simple," expressed Discord, taking a cookie and shoving it up his ear. "You are basically dreaming, and I am in your dream. It's what keeps us from becoming truly bored cooped up in these statues."
I shrugged and sipped a cup of tea, holding the cup upside-down and drinking it through the ceramic. My "guest" nodded in approval.
"Ingenious, if I do say so myself. Would you get me some sugar?" I smiled.
"One lump or six?"
"Six and 5 eighteenths, if you don't mind."
I nodded and waved my hand. Out of nowhere, a baseball bat materialized and struck Discord on the head 6 and 5/18 times. Don't ask me how that is possible. I'm dreaming, for goodness sake.
"Let's see, that's one, two, three, four, five, six, six and 3/18 lumps. Hmmm... Where did the remaining 2/18 go?" One of the lumps on Discord's head grew a tad bit more. "Ah, there they are." A new voice surged out of nowhere.
"Alright, tuna-face! Teatime's over! We're gonna use this time for training!" I scratched my head in confusion. I knew that voice. "Yer darn right ya know my voice! I'm you! Now get your lazy bum offa that chair and get ready to feel PAIN!" A black portal opened up to the right of me and sucked me inside.
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!!!!", yelled Discord, but it was too late. I was already spiraling somewhere else. I looked around at my surroundings when I finally stopped. I was in a vast white plane, with no visible floor. Just whiteness, and my shadow.
"This is a cliché."
"I don't care if it's been done 15 million times before, we're doing it!", yelled the voice.
Some random particles came together in front of me. The result was a duplicate of me, but somehow more professional.
"Who are you?" The mirror me cleared it's throat.
"I suppose I can answer a few questions. I am you, or rather, the you within. The you that has all of your abilities and more experience. You are currently in a very deep layer of your subconscious. This is where I am going to train you."
"But wait just a second. This is my subconscious, right?" The other me nodded. "So that would mean that my physical strength and speed don't actually augment. My body doesn't grow, since I'm in stasis. How will this help?"
"A very good question. Let's think back. Do you remember playing the piano? Of course you do. What often happened while you were playing songs? Don't answer, I already know. Your fingers remembered the song involuntarily. It was a muscle memory. That is what we're going to do here. We're not going to get you stronger or faster. I'm going to teach you how to fight well, and fly well, and run well, and do other things well, because when you come out, you will remember this and remember how to do it. As an added bonus, your mind will become stronger. Any other questions?"
"Yes, I would like to know..."
"About your enhanced adrenaline." I nodded. "That is actually me, adding my strength to you. We will also work on having that happen easier, instead of just situations of dire peril. Now, let's get started." The ground below my feet disappeared. Instinctively, my wings opened and started me hovering. An entire forest appeared in front of me. "Fly through this as quickly as possible."
I stared. The branches were moving.
"Crud."
The other me pushed me in. 'Hey, whaddaya know. I can feel pain in here. This is going to be a looooooong imprisonement.'
"Cut the mind chatter, I can hear everything."
'I hate myself.'
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Celestia walked through the garden at dusk. She went from statue to statue, often establishing connection with a few to see their thoughts. She grinned mischieviously as she interviewed some of them. Her wandering eventually led her to the wing of more dangerous statues. The Meat-mare. She shuddered. That was 1800 years ago, and she really knew how to kill. Sigmund the Shattered was on her left. She grimaced as she remembered the insanity that she was forced to experience. A bit further up was Discord. He was now held tighter than ever, as the Elements of Harmony were used by more suitable wielders. And then, her newest addition.
He was standing, appearing perfectly calm, mouth closed, unlike many of the others. His arms were crossed in resignation, and a scowl adorned his face, identifying him as one who accepted fate, but still had his rebellions. Celestia noticed something was a bit off in this statue. After careful examination she realized the answer in shock. His eyes were blank! His pupils were not there, even though they had been before. She decided to figure out what he was thinking of. To her horror, he had a mental barrier up too strong to penetrate in the short amount of time she had in the gardens. She turned to Discord.
"What is the meaning of this?", she demanded of the chaotic beast.
"I don't know, Celly" Celestia narrowed her eyes at being reminded of the behavior of the dragon. "He's been like that for a few hours. One minute, we were enjoying a tea party, and the next, he was sucked into a swirling black portal and I was ejected." Celestia pondered this, until suddenly and without warning, Scales' eyes rolled back into their proper positions.
"What brings you here, dear Celly? Surely it would not be to visit such a lowly, guiltless person such as myself?", he taunted. Celestia nearly snarled, before gaining her composure.
"I often make checkups on those that are in stone. That said, what was going on in your head? You were obviously plotting."
"That information is hereby classified."
"Can you tell me why your eyes were in that position?"
"Classified."
"Why did you have a barrier?"
"Classified."
"Is there anything I can ask you that isn't classified?"
"Maybe. There's only one problem with me telling you that."
"Which is?"
"That information is classified too."
Celestia growled in frustration.
"Hear this, Scales: I am not a pony to be messed with. Sooner or later, your guts will spill. It does not matter if you spill them or if I do, but your guts will be spilled."
"Yeah, good luck with that. I'm stuck inside a stone, go ahead and try. It's not like I'm going anywhere anytime soon. Now get going. I think you need to get some shut-eye."
"And why is that?"
"Men's intuition. That and the fact that you have been directing your questions at a blueberry bush. Cheerio, Celly."
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Discord's voice spoke up in my head. "You know, there is one word which describes her current condition perfectly."
I mentally nodded and all four of us said the same thing simultaneously.
"Owned." I chuckled.
"Now that that's out of the way, how long was I unresponsive?", I asked.
"You were oblivous to us for between 6 and 7 hours," responded the Meat-mare.
"Really? I could've sworn I was in there for double that. How does that work out?" I heard a voice coming from my left shoulder. Straining my eyes, I could see a ghostly image of me standing there, arms crossed.
"Me and your mind work faster than you realize. You're gonna spend a lot of time in there, so I suggest you get used to it." I recognized the voice as my mirror-man.
"Well, that explains it," I said, or rather, thought.
"What explains it?", asked Sigmund. "You're nuttier than I expected. This will be fun..."
"C'mon, don't tell me ya didn't hear him. He's right there on my shoulder," I explained.
Discord laughed.
"HA! You are crazy! You're even seeing things!"
Mini-me whispered in my ear.
"Don't waste your thoughts. They can't hear nor see me."
"And why are you whispering?"
"I'm insane, just like you. Now, try to get a little sleep." He smirked. "We're going to make you feel pain tomorrow, and we don't want you to have a tired mind and thus, get lower results now, would we?"
"Fine. Good night everybody. The beast within me is gonna work me hard tomorrow. Don't ask."
And with that, I somehow broke off connection and prepared to enter dreamland.
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My Dreams
Man, it was chaotic inside my brain. Seriously, there were doors everywhere, going in places dark, places light, colorful, gray, fun, serious, just plain wacko, and some who's images would haunt me. I learned to explore a bit and found that I could access quite a few details from my memories that I couldn't have even remembered while I was awake. Things like songsheets I had only glanced at and images that I had forgotten long ago. Not to mention the rooms that just were filled with something wierd. There was a room full of peanut butter. Peanut butter. And the in between rooms were just chaotic. The doors moved around, all different shapes, sizes and colors, shifting positions so I could remember where a door led, I just couldn't find the door unless I bumped into it. 'Celly, I never thought I'd say this, but being trapped inside my mind is better than I thought. I can do anything in here.'
I grabbed a bit of cotton candy from a nearby bunny and stuck it on an ice cream cone. I hungrily took a bite out of it. It tasted good, and actually filled me up a bit. 'I guess dream food is the best I'm gonna get. Now, let's see if I can dream something up.' A bright flash illuminated the room I was in.
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A monocle was stuck in the eye of one of my unusual lunch companions. A top hat crowned him and a black cane rested at his side. Since he had no limbs, a small cup levitated up by itself so he could sip it.
"I say, dear chap, this tea is marvelous. How on earth do you get such scrumptious tea?", he remarked.
"Indeed, Mr. Scales. This herbal essence is far superior to anything that I have ever sampled," complimented his wife.
"Well, that's very nice of you to say, Mr. PB-and-chocolate and Mrs. MFT(makin' faces and tomato). I have a great supplier. Anyways, back to our previous discussion. What is insanity?"
And yes, these guys were sandwiches. Mr. Peanut Butter and Chocolate and Mrs. Makin' Faces and Tomato. The Mr. had a jagged piece cut out for his mouth and two round eyes while the Mrs. had two tomato slices and a triangular mouth.
"Personally, I recall good old Albert Einstein saying that the definition of insanity was doing something over and over again in the same manner and expecting different results."
"Dear, that isn't what we're looking for. That is merely a way to express insanity. Insanity is when you do something that wouldn't ordinarily be done by someone who is thinking logically."
"But you must remember, my dear Mrs. MFT, that many people who are insane often lend a lot of thought as to what they are doing. It is said that an insane man who thinks can be 100 times more dangerous than the sane men who do not think."
"Yes, crumpet. I would think that that isn't the perfect definition of insanity. It's when your mind gets mixed up and you go a bit nutty..."
"Hey, buddy."
I looked over to the side. There was the other me, sitting on the edge of a black portal.
"Can you wait for a few minutes?", I asked, annoyed. "I'm involved in a deep psychological discussion with a pair of animated sandwiches and I'm enjoying it."
"Yeah, no. Work before play, buster." He grabbed me by the neck and dragged me inside.
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"Ooof! Not cool, dude. Do you know just how long it took me to get the two of them on speaking terms with each other? Even for my intelligence it was a challenge to actually get them to seem like they liked each other."
"Too stinkin' bad. More training is in order. When you get outta here, you're going to be better than you were before." I rolled my eyes. I then got smacked backwards as something collided with my face. I flopped over backwards. "Today's training involves fighting. Use the full amount of your strength and make your hits effective and precise, putting all of the force of your strike into it."
Something grabbed my arm, picked me up and flung me to the side. I groaned and observed my attacker.
"What the heck is that?"
Standing there and grinning was a black monster, it's evil smile spreading across it's face, with thick stumpy legs and long thick arms tipped with ferocious claws.
"Don't you remember? This is the completed version of a little guy you doodled into existence not too long ago. He wasn't finished, but even so I made sure to make him a worthy opponent for you."
It punched me again, red eyes practically burning holes in me as it wore that ever-present grin. I grimaced and prepared to face it.
"YAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!"
Finally, ninth chapter is done. Sorry it took so long, the final exams are coming up and I'm trying to work hard. Not so easy trying to pass everything in Spanish. Anyways, summer should be a lot faster, but until then, I'll try to update frequently. Also, if anyone wants to make art, that's alright with me. I pretty much stink at making art. Thanks for reading, and keep your stick on the ice.